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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 8:02:47 GMT 9.5
THAT IS THE PROBLEM I KNOW/KNEW I WAS somebody. I KNOW I was royalty I KNOW I was a ruler I KNOW I had great power Can you imagine, having these experiences, and then being shit into this pathetic existence?? Can you IMAGINE??! Being born of rulers, of OLIGARCHY Being subjected, to those fucking, infantile HUMAN APES God damn! And Paul, rubbing salt into the wound telling me I HAVE TO HELP MY PARENTS I have memories of being, a terror. A horror, a ravenous, vicious, unholy beast that ripped and tore everything and everyone in it path (the black man) AND NOW IM A SLIGHTLY GAY GUY WHO SEES WOLF PEOPLE Tundrawolf I feel for you as those sort of memories must be challenging. But no, to answer your question Tundrawolf, I can’t really imagine what it is like to be in your position. I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been there really can. But, if it were me I hope that I would be philosophical, perhaps you did good when there, and the bad uns didn’t like it, leading to where you are today? If so, you still did good. Equally maybe whatever prevents us from accessing past lives is breaking down. As you know I have glimpses of some, a Soviet gulag prisoner, a Chinese fisherman from a small village, dying while (I think) in the French Foreign Legion, perhaps a priest in 18th Dynasty Egypt. Paul has suggested RAF pilot to me some years back, though I have no recollection of that (but do love the RAF and did once apply for that job). Maybe Tundrawolf by going through what you are going through, hellish as it maybe, is a prerequisite for you to fulfil your job in this life, whatever that may be. I do understand the anguish of having that itch that there is something more to life, something that you are just not getting. It took me many years to fathom that out. You might be interested to know that I have helped a person who treated me very badly, and while it was one of the most challenging things in my life, I grew enormously from it, as did I think the other person. Perhaps Paul sees how you could benefit from doing that sort of painful difficult work? So you are slightly gay, who cares? You live in a free country. So you see wolf people, as you know I know someone like you who is very close to wolves. You are not alone. Even if it might feel that way sometimes. You have, an albeit small, global network of friends here. 😊
Thank you for your kind words, it feels and seems as if I have been completely abandoned by all but my closest friends- even if they are from past lives
I told my mother, who tried to pray my demon out of me, not one demon lives in me- but hell itself- because of the vile lies she taught to me, by preaching Christianity to me- however, my heart is wounded a bit, because in her own perverse way, she was, trying to, "Save me from hell"
And, in her twisted, sick little way, trying to, "Do good by her child"
I told her I met Jesus, a few times
I may yet have to go to the depths I requested at the wolf sanctuary, that night to be with the she-wolf
I am trying to embrace it- as hard as it is
It doesn't hurt, that there are attractive, beautiful, wolf-girls down there, even I am not in their midst to mate with them
(But I hope I can befriend them, if given the chance)
"Willing to go to hell"
Now I know why Jesus sweated blood before the cross- even if it is a myth, I can see why
Oddly, I do not regret what I said to my mother- I do not wish to be her friend, even slightly- as she uses that to pull me in to hurt me
As she has done
My whole life
I told her, I know yelling at her is like attacking an unarmed person
She threw it back at me, said it is all my fault, I did it all, she was a shining beacon of morality, and all the evil is on/in me
I felt bad for her
I think I called her, "Weak"
I did also tell her I am giving her a precious gift afforded to almost NO parents- the gift of honesty
And she discarded me in the end- just like that
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 8:16:13 GMT 9.5
As far as, my relationship with, Annah, Anastasia (She has bowed out, essentially- as I discovered she is ethereal- which is somewhat sad to me- however she is a bit tied to my mother, which is also... Sad, however as we are connected at the heart- I still care for, and love her.) Ladywolf, Blackwolf, and the rest, I still very much love them deeply- and even though, that connection may have been divinely forced- or even forced by MYSELF in a forgotten life, It is NOT something I want to change
Perhaps, this is the, positive ending, showing me, manifesting itself- to help me, find my way out of the darkness, as things are often circular, and looped
I can see too how my mother, I can tell her with all genuineness- you did your karmic job as a religious scumbag so fucking well, I actually hate you for it, well done!
Same for my father
My youngest brother- no excuses for being an immoral coward, however I also admit if I cannot forgive him then it also shows badly on me for the same thing, "projection"
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 8:35:19 GMT 9.5
I see some things, I told my mother, she had better hope, the "Freemasons" are right, that I am to forgive her and pull her out of the OS, which, apparently, I set up for my own purification
To cleanse the dark energy within me?
Is it all an illusion-
Anyway, I can see now, how my mother, will believe in her heart, "The Freemasons are pure evil! The put demons in my son!"
And, how, I am contributing to the negative overall opinion of them
However by my view, it is actually rather righteous- as I am taking back control over my own sovereignty, dignity, and self-importance
I can see how, most of this adventure, was spawned from a lack of self love- is this the cleanup, after the surgery?
Gruesome
I also can see, and admit, if "everyone" became as lawless as I am, that society would collapse quickly- however the irony that it is about to, for the exact opposite reason- nobody is willing to be courageous, stupid, or "real" about it, as I told my mother- I am giving her a gift few parents ever get- honesty from their children
And I told her, outside of the karmic duty I have to her, my father, and her pedophile fucking ancestors, I never want to hear from her again, or them
I also see, how one of my HONORABLE relatives- was a Freemason- and how the unrighteous, wicked, and evil rest of them- controlled by the OS- labeled him as evil- when in actuality, he was on the exact-same journey as I am, eschewing with ADVERSE ANCESTRAL URGES
And endeavoring to become righteous, as per the heart, and spirit, and pure- and clean- free of the poison from the ancient genes- and starting new, fresh
I also told the bar owner, before I went inside, as he hangs out outside often- I told him, my woman, is waiting for me, with patience- and I will have my own children, and get to experience that for myself.
I do have the righteous anger, to tell my father- his too is a failure- and my brother- is not only dead to me- for me- it is as if he never existed
It is interesting to me, how my mother blamed alcohol for my anger, and I corrected her- no- alcohol MADE ME HONEST
Alcohol for her was always an excuse to excuse her pedophile ancestors
Her mother died of alcoholism, and I also saw how, her own father sexually abused her, and alcohol was used as the "excuse"
Shitty people
Remaining shitty
For shitty reasons
I want no further part of it.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 8:45:45 GMT 9.5
I asked the wolf girls, for their initial reaction over the goings on between my mother and I- though they eventually abandon me for various reasons and leave me desolate- which is part of the process I must go through to rediscover self, they tell me, their opinion of me really hasn't changed- even if they were connected with me thru various dynamics related to my mother. Perhaps in a way, they are proud of me for being brutally honest and real- however the wolf tribe, can expect a LOT of rebellion in the coming times, from the young ones, rebelling against the treatment of them by their parents
Humans should depart from the realm and let it be
If I have my way, I will not discipline those, weak, I will instead erase them from existence, "Delete" them, I can be quite terrible, as someone who is willing to hate themselves, is capable of much
Just be nice, cowards
oi
I also started a youtube thing, my spirit sponsors are growing irritated with me, for not putting out videos out there, it seems there are many esoteric scholars, the only name free, was "AntarcticaOccult", as I was prompted, to "Use a name that ties into something that I have experienced", even, "King of the wolves" was taken, though that seems pompous to me, to make such a bold claim, especially when the wolves gave me so much hecc about it
I also put an ad out for spiritual guidance and services- I claimed not to be anything, only said, "I have experience in, NDE, spiritual esoterica, war, etc..." Because, I am being prompted to discover what I am "good at" that I may monetize, however I intend to be as real as possible- and I know it will be hard, to not sugarcoat what I see in people, to get "money", oi
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 8:55:39 GMT 9.5
I see something.
In striking out my own path, the stress is massive- this is why many who do this, often "Do not live too long"
There is comfort, ease, in going "with" the ancestral urges- even if they are immoral
Jesus Christ, why are wolves so demonized, when without them we would not even exist- is it because humanity hates itself?
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 8:59:39 GMT 9.5
I was eye gazing, with one of the female puppies, "Audrey Hep-pup" named after Audrey Hepburn, my heart spoke to me to listen to her
Her heart spoke to me- it said, she feels bad for the conversation with my mother- she knew all about it
She was a bit emotionally perturbed over it
So, I reasoned with her- and she shot back at me- "If you are trying to be PERFECT, look at these other areas where you are not perfect, righteous, and just, do not delude yourself!"
Channeling her inner woman
Well, unless we have a standard of perfection to strive to, then we forever remain unperfected
However, I do hear her point...
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Post by paul on Jun 11, 2024 10:01:41 GMT 9.5
... look at these other areas where you are not perfect, righteous, and just, do not delude yourself!" .. What a useful dog that is.
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Post by paul on Jun 11, 2024 10:37:35 GMT 9.5
I was eye gazing, with one of the female puppies,... I am reminded of a stray cat that used to look just above my head rather than at my eyes. My elder son did the same when he was very young. As he anchored in the physical body he learned to look at the eyes. Just above the head is the chakra known to Masons as "the Point within the Circle from which a Mason cannot err" The local dogs that look closely at me, all do eye gazing.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 12:19:15 GMT 9.5
Well, what am I supposed to do?
There is so much fucking offended energy within me
I hate this. However, I am aware that outside opinions may actually be truthful, and helpful
I posted an add, on criagslist, that details starting a mens group, however it is too long, I do not know how to word it, with this, adverse interaction with my mother, where I am disconnecting from my, "Ancestors" I can see how people who embark on their own, are treading in fearful water of the unknown, and are at great risk of having to re-learn the lessons of the ancestors
It is possible, I am treading "Dangerous" ground, and may attract adverse things, such as, "men" in the mens group
I see this, it is a form of karma
I am unsure of what to do, and my parents are essentially useless
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Post by paul on Jun 11, 2024 12:36:02 GMT 9.5
... ... my parents are essentially useless ..in their present state. Does charity begin at home?
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 13:40:30 GMT 9.5
... look at these other areas where you are not perfect, righteous, and just, do not delude yourself!" .. What a useful dog that is.
Oh sure, you take the puppies side
Well, I had to question myself.
I took your words into consideration, and I realized- I was in error, leaving my mother the way I did,
So, I was compelled, to put my clothes back on, to go to her home and apologize, except I did not have a desire to put on shoes, and to go bare-foot, so I walked in the dirt to her home,
And, I saw her- and the "boyfriend"- both by the hay barn, and my mother began to leave in her pick up, however i motioned for her to stop,
And, so, I went up to her, she was obviously distressed over my presence,
So, I began to apologize, over not giving her an "out", and she said she forgave me, and i felt she was honest, or, at least, trying to be "real"- and it had a profound effect of, releasing stress and tension from myself, hearing that, so I thanked her, and I even hugged her and kissed her cheek, and she was grateful
And, the boyfriend and I went back and forth, he is a BIBLE BELIEVER and I told him, I cannot, in good faith and genuineness, claim to be a "Christian", and believe as you do, however he got it out of me, that there is a God- I admitted, I died and know there is an afterlife, and I have had many mystical experiences, including that very beautiful wolfesses, and so I admitted, there is "A source of intent and motive and energy outside of myself that may or may not be at work in my life and the lives of humans..."
It was as good as I could do, at the time
He has a point, but I struggled to spirit- (gut) believe it, as I have believed wrongly for so long
He said, you will return to God (Christian belief) I said NOPE!
HE said, you will!
I said I will not!
I said, hear ME out now, the "god" I "served" was (basically the 'devil') the OS- as I could translate to him, and he was like oh yes, I see what you are saying
I told him IF there is a GOD (And my experiences show thus,) THAT I am being worked out to align with the god- but RIGHTLY, as I was in wrong relationship previously
Anyway it was good, and as I forgave my mother-back, I was actually reconnected with her, and it seems as if I was able to accomplish some healing- what was profound is, it was instantaneous- as if decades of adverse contact were instantly erased
I admitted, I understand you DO love me, etc
Alright
I see that the timing to talk (apologize) to my mother seemed to be ordained, and "Just in time" as the Bible verse, "Do not let the sun set on your anger"- I was told, if I allow the sun to set on this, that perhaps my mothers feelings would then be "Cemented"- and it turns out, it was probably correct, so now I have achieved grace
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 13:41:24 GMT 9.5
... ... my parents are essentially useless ..in their present state. Does charity begin at home?
It begins in the community?
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 13:52:14 GMT 9.5
While, I have not reached out to my father, I have a toothache, and the pain seems to be adverse
I questioned about, the passing of this body- and the answer from my group/On High was, I now have permission to transition into my next life- which appears to be, in on high, for rest, relaxation, and healing
Then back to the missions, it appears as if the OS was indeed a useful negativity
I do not consider myself having arrived yet, only this a victory
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 15:23:28 GMT 9.5
It is apparent, this life I am living, has had a very long childhood
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 13, 2024 0:41:16 GMT 9.5
I did an alcohol reset
Which- gives me some moments of, unbiased insight from an outside perspective, that is not colored by my "beliefs", which happens the day after I wake up from being passed out, I do not know if I have to get "piss drunk" (To piss my bed) however- probably
Some of these wrong beliefs are very deep, and enforced by the "OS", and neural plasticity programming, fueled with the ferventness of religion
So today I saw: more self hatred, fueled by the idea that if I am not "good", "God" will discard me forever, into eternal hell
What more self hatred can a living thing have for itself?
"reconciling" with my mother allowed much healing to happen, and mental-spiritual movement, into the realm of proper thinking, uncolored by outdated and toxic religious ideals
I am trying to move out of the comfortable, but wrong prison I created for myself, fueled by religion, and the set-up that happened to me because of the OS/Parents/Religion/ETC
I am beginning to see the, "trap" of the wheel of life, and the dynamic- and I am able to accept it- in order to get "out" of it
Does my group, require me to be trapped, and enslaved? What of my will?
A recurring theme: The only thing that makes this worth it, is my heart connection to my wolf women/wolf people, animalia, and the "heaven" realm, that advertised itself to me a few days ago
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 13, 2024 0:50:29 GMT 9.5
I also see an epidemic, of child-thinking- in myself- and recognizing it in other humans
Also inner earth groups, that "believe" they are actually mature
Irony: the animal folk are truly pure, and innocent, by virtue of their essence originating within animalia, they are the only rightful practicers of childlike innocence
Humans: not so
It is because of our complicated and multitudeness origins, that "we" are not harmless, or innocent, and capable of ravenous destruction, all while believing, "hoping" "We" are justified- when we certainly are not
Animalia, hybrids, etc- deserve to be protected
They deserve their sovereignty, sovereignty that humans seem to want to take from them, quite unjustly
It seems to be the usual vile dynamic- pester a being until it reacts- then blame it for reacting
When any just and righteous being, would react
And then, blaming them with accusations of violence
I am saying- do violence in the protection of your being, your people, do not allow sick humans to subjugate and eliminate you, if such things are happening- fight them
I am not saying to make needless war, but, not to go willingly into destruction- as you are due your right to life.
You have my permission- if it was needed
It is my belief, humans are becoming corrupted by the lands there, their darker innate desires- fueled by ancient structures- are being exploited, in order to harm what is pure, good, and righteous
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 13, 2024 8:09:14 GMT 9.5
I was working with the wolf girls today, or, Annah
I began to see more, how misaligned we are, mismatched
So I looked deeper, and I discovered we are indeed mismatched- and Paul was correct when he said, I am a draw on the wolf girl(s)
So, I intended to detach from them- and, I asked the creator, to, if they get lonely- to make a path where they may return to me (if they want)
Some time transpired, and more download than I could put into words, I would have been pulling over sontantly to write them down, perhaps in time I will recall them, as they seemed important (?)
Well, I was at the gate to this ranch, when, I connected with Annah, but deeply, and I said to her, Girl- I understand I have been adverse to you- so I am going to leave you alone, now. I began to depart from her
However, she began to follow me, and she said, via the pathway I had been ignoring- which is the pathway OF HER VOICE (!! !)
She said, "And what if I do not wish for you to depart? Do you not owe me, in earnest, to remain with me, if something changes (If my heart begins ot understand, that I do want to be with you, the way, you wish to be with me??)
And, as usual- she was right
And, so, I honored her voice- which manifested to me- as adversity
However, in earnest, in positvitiy, in true love for her- I acquiesced- come what may- and believed, in my heart, that in the future, this would turn into something that is not a drag on her, but something beautiful- for us both
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 14, 2024 2:05:49 GMT 9.5
I decided to buy some cannabis, during my water fast yesterday, to see, how that would go- as I am drinking less alcohol
I learned some things, about Ladywolf
It turns out, I saw a memory- could be propaganda- or an implant, however it made "sense"- some reptilians entered into the lab when the lights were off, and added waters to her constitution:
Seduction
Betrayal
Anger/violence
It could be, those things developed in her naturally, similar to the anger feelings against my mother, however, I looked from a different angle, and ti was destined, in order to cause what I am going through presently, in order to have a better/proper/right relationship with Ms. Ladywolf
The seduction, gave her libido a channel, a direction, to "hook" the other me, into her wiles
The betrayal, was inside of her heart, and turned her against the past-life me
The anger/violence matched with her predator half, that she acted on, at the wolf sanctuary where I lived and worked
Her heart is a bit heavy over it- as, similar to my mother, she understands that the past life me, does love her, quite a bit actually (And that is part of the problem)
During the creation of her physical body, the past life me, added his own blood to the waters/the parts of Ladywolf- and, it ended up making her, his other half, or the feminine to his masculine- perhaps echoing to some of the wording in the Bible, about "Eve" being created from the rib
So, I began to research deeper within Ladywolfs aura, and I found things that help me relate to, and understand her- and grow closer to her
I began to understand her, (Perhaps because of the fast? My energy? My steadfastness in trying to be right with this, perhaps other factors, including the cannabis? It was a weaker strain with L-Theanine in it, and during a water fast it seems to have less effect.)
I was also able, to deeper into the terror-blockades within myself, and confronted those things
And, I got to see deeper into Miss Ladywolf, and connect with her, more deeply, she is actually, a very gentle being, and I realized that, almost none of this, is her "fault"
So, I try and temper the past-life me, who;s energy lives within me- he is SO IN LOVE WITH HER
She is, his Eve, to his Adam, his Lilith- and he is drawn to her, such as being under a spell, I felt his attraction to her- yes, its echo does drive much of my passion for the wolfesses, and I do not regret it, such passion and connection is beautiful- but also bothersome to the wolf girls who are made fairly unwilling subjects of this undying affection
And, why he was attacked the way he was- I do see it now
How do I fix this? More passion is what turns her off, and yet, a part of her desires it
Alright- I will back off, and continue the love-dance with her, as Paul said, to love without expectation- this is something I am cultivating
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 14, 2024 2:11:30 GMT 9.5
More, seeing more of my true self, and healing it, breaking the curse, releasing the tension, and inserting positivity
Seeing more dynamics that were hidden from me, about the cloud of energy above the Wolfen people
I saw today, how they have enemies, the animalia, the tribes, and I saw it, and felt like a victim, I have been praying i am tired of being a victim, so, a voice said, "FIGHT, then!!"
And, so, I covered the situation with my orb of energy, and forced adverse energies out, and reclaimed my power- and I fought- and made changes
I feel I am near, what seems like dissolution, or, perhaps, new guidance- I am unsure, it is a process of resting but there is no motivation
I also had a conversation with the guy at the dispensary, and did tell him about Ladywolf, and my NDE, because I told them their cannabis helped me stay alive during a breakup two years ago, and it sparked conversation
Also, more of the, "I am a victim" mentality, and replacing it with, I re-take my own sovereignty from those who would exploit it, and remain steadfast- a lot of power was re-gathered
And, a new heart, for the wolfess, Ladywolf
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 14, 2024 5:43:48 GMT 9.5
Jesus christ I am getting more downloads.
More, true understanding of canines, more download of wolf nature, human nature- likely due to the event with my mother recently, which completed a karmic cycle regarding the ending of my childhood and transition into adulthood
I also gained MUCH more memories of the other "me" who was once the lover and creator of Ladywolf
SO many memories came back- the poor guy, he was so in love with her, but he had no root in himself, he was dependent on her, and it drove her nuts, in fact- had this business of being ripped apart not happened, she may have killed herself eventually and that would have destroyed him in ways that are worse than what he is suffering with now
In fact, I am assisting him, as I unfold and become my own consciousness, a higher evolved version that is acquainted with humanity, animalia, etc, and is much more advanced, "learned" and seems to have transitioned out of a sheltered, pure, innocent version of connection, such as he had with Ladywolf
It is interesting to me, to watch this unfold
It is perhaps possible, he will be reformed and healed, with new consciousness, that is right-relationship with Beloved Ladywolf- and then resumes his time with her
And, it is possible, I go to be with the Wolfen, and with Annah.
They (The wolfen) showed me, they weren't trying to destroy me, but to teach me their ways, and mould and guide me into better relationship with them, the "old" me, was an archetype of the version of myself that was infatuated and in love with Ladywolf
SO much hope seems to be springing up for various things, as I continue down the path
I may also start my esoteric EXTREME channel and talk about the things I have experiences
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