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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 9, 2024 11:53:07 GMT 9.5
What I see is, I can be grateful to my parents, for doing a horrific job, that forced me to awaken as I have, and to take control of my own life in wake of their failures
Is that gratitude?
Thanks for being colossal failures?
lol
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Post by stewartedwards on Jun 9, 2024 12:37:12 GMT 9.5
It is amazing what changes when you no longer believe you only have one life to get everything right, or face hell Hell is a Christian concept. Christianity is a relatively modern religion. Eg Hinduism is 5000 years old, Christianity 2000 years. Once you start to stumble upon clues of your past lives Tundrawolf, then it gets interesting as you try to fathom it out. Museums can be great place to find clues, that you can then use as a base to experiment (eg with other museums). Expect it to take decades. Remember Tundrawolf be the tortoise š¢ not the hare š°.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 9, 2024 12:44:23 GMT 9.5
It is amazing what changes when you no longer believe you only have one life to get everything right, or face hell Hell is a Christian concept. Christianity is a relatively modern religion. Eg Hinduism is 5000 years old, Christianity 2000 years. Once you start to stumble upon clues of your past lives Tundrawolf, then it gets interesting as you try to fathom it out. Museums can be great place to find clues, that you can then use as a base to experiment (eg with other museums). Expect it to take decades. Remember Tundrawolf be the tortoise š¢ not the hare š°.
Well, from what I understand, "hell" is actually real, but it is a rehabilitation realm (I have/had clones there) for adverse consciousness, but while clones are hardy they are not immortal, but it is a place where some consciousnesses go to learn
I have heart memories, mainly living in areas with no traffic, and realms where lying does not exist
But the museum suggestion is good!
i have always had an ancient Egyptian connection, perhaps it is Anubis who attracts me?
I was considering why GOD will not let me sell my stuff RIGHT NOW and then leave the moment I finish the van, he told me just a few hours ago- while you are selling your things, you will be driving the van and learning to trust it!
I was like, WOW, that is wisdom
And it suddenly made sense!
Thank you Stewart for the reminder about the tortoise, as I have been "haring" it out a lot lately
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 9, 2024 12:57:25 GMT 9.5
I also was eye gazing into the puppies eyes, and later, into my huskies eyes, and I began to see, the full circle of caninedom, and the deep, rich history of the canine
I also saw, the profound, deep, true, and vital contribution canines have given to the human race
Without this contribution, I was shown, humanity would be, "Useless" to some of the higher beings
I type this, as I have two C clamps on my wok, to keep it safe from puppy snouts
WHo will eat it quickly the moment my head is turned, I had my clothes laid pout, I turned my head for perhaps 4 seconds, when I realized a sock was missing, a brand new sock, and I turned my head, the puppies, three of them, had the sock in the living room, tearing it apart
I Also recall one evening when three yearling wolves, communicated with one another, and took my glasses off of my face, caught them midair, then teased me for hours as I tried to get them back until the rest of the sanctuary came home and was able to corner one of the wolves and I got my glasses back.
I recall it being, unnerving, terrifying even, how intelligent they were, and how they were able to communicate, nonverbally, intricate military maneuvers to get my glasses- without uttering a single word
Canines are indeed telepathic
I think they "hide" this from us, because it frightens us
However, if you were to eye gaze, with the heart understand I have, likely from the benefit of having the hearts of the wolf girls in my chest, you "see" that they are actually more advanced than we are in communication skills- or, at the very least- instantly efficient in their communications- that I am just barely learning to pick up
Today as I went to the dog park to bring the puppies, a male dog was shaking, so I held him, and looked within his heart, he is afraid of his new life, away from me
And, a female, hid under the bed to not go, I could not get her neither did I want to traumatize her by grabbing her as I would have in times past, and I reached out psychically, and felt her heart, she was also, deeply afraid
This morning I was enraged at this world, over humans not being worthy of receiving these puppies, who are a brand new form of canine life on this planet, and I regretted having them, until a voice told me, later on when I am living a better life, puppies like this will be a blessing for worthy humans
However, this litter is difficult, and, I am maintaining a positive attitude about it
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Post by stewartedwards on Jun 9, 2024 22:06:09 GMT 9.5
i have always had an ancient Egyptian connection, perhaps it is Anubis who attracts me? While it is only a theory I rather suspect that a number of people alive today have strong ancient Egyptian connections, on both sides of the family divide. Sadly, unlike Paul, I am unable to place people. Keep up the good work Tundrawolf. Slowly else you will burn out.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 9, 2024 23:40:24 GMT 9.5
I woke up with more, suffocation horrors, possibly like a spiritual asthma, as it seems to have manifested in my bronchial tubes
I am forced then, to recount the events at the wolf sanctuary, being laid bare, in a sort of "trap I wanted to be in" and yet while in it, I want to be out
Tricked!
Trapped!
And, yet, I am told not to be afraid, that I am more powerful than I think
Taken advantage of while I slept
And, in the emotional and intellectual struggle, I see, going back- a lakc of love of self, a lack fo respect for self, a lack of compassion for self, a lack of forgiveness for self
Again- memories of my childhood came back to me- but it was never right
My mother was feeding on my life force
My father, hated me for my mothers need of me, as if I was a blood bag for a woman vampire, feeding on my life force, my life essence
I will pull away, I live my life for myself and my mother will diminish, a wrinkled lack of soul having, shriveled creature
But, how the negativity of my childhood was never my fault
Though I was led to believe it all was- a double enslavement
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 10, 2024 1:01:49 GMT 9.5
I was able to discern a little between my mother's base essence and the oppression system.
I need to get away to heal
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Post by paul on Jun 10, 2024 16:54:38 GMT 9.5
i have always had an ancient Egyptian connection, perhaps it is Anubis who attracts me? Consider the large underground system beneath the Giza Plateau. Go into the depths where it connects to the inter-continental passages and from there to inner-Earth civilizations
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 3:07:26 GMT 9.5
Oh yes, I was drinking So much more has come to light, I attribute this, to the "widening" of my human mind, in the parking lot of Cal-ranch when buying more ammunition hehe Paul helped uncover more memories It turns out, I believe i was indeed a terrible bastard in lives-past A bratty prince, with immense powers, who ruled over and subjugated and terrified the people I ruled over, punishing them with horrific fates that I took great glee in, hence, this life, where all of that is reversed I even saw, after the realization, a license plate on a lexus that said, "nobrats" And, the license plate of my favorite color, I saw it again, bluegreen- which turned out to belong to a Freemason! (it was a Freemason license plate, azdot.gov/masonic-fraternity as you can get here in Arizona. About the Freemasons, if there is evil, then it is in its best interests to convince people to label what is good, as evil, hence the fear and anger against Freemasons, humans are deceived, under a psyop, where truth is reversed) Wow, so many past life memories, but my heart is saddened the deepest over my treatment of good canines, by past lives- I was a fucking monster Hence, the hot wolf girls, eating my other bodies as revenge, however it is good that they are so sexy, one minds it a bit less when they are fucking hot Men, sacrificing themselves to the altar of women! So, yes, it seems that more is being uncovered Not all of it is nice Some of it is hard, especially, forgiving my parents and being tasked with helping them, when I want to put them in plastic chredders like Saddam Hussein did to his dissidents But it makes a lot of sense If I did terrible war crimes in past lives, yes, that makes sense And, it is a reason why some humans fear my instinctively And, why my reconciliation with canines is a theme in this life, even my momma dog, is cuddling me right now, her soft, warm head, draped over my leg as I type- i am finding the canine people to be fair, and good I am also admonishing the people of Antarctica, to resist any attempts to reduce your numbers by human children in adult bodies, regardless of power they think they have- they are unworthy of directing your fate, do not go quietly into that good night, it may be time to use tooth and fang, and to think for yourselves, at a minimum, run and flee, do not sign onto anything else, and even if you have- shit that bullshit out and claim your sovereignty, you are worthy of love Sometimes violence is all that they understand- use the internet and educate yourselves, on fighting technology, on weaponry, take a stand if you need to, but do not go quietly into that good night I am seeing, and feeling, the adverse humans, wanting to genocide and murder you- simply because you are pure, beautiful, and innocent- because humans are none of those things. In time, human DNA may be made to account for its misdeeds- and the children of your children will be made to pay for it, keep this in mind, for God punishes those he loves- and destroys (obliterates from existence and memory) those he hates
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 3:08:31 GMT 9.5
i have always had an ancient Egyptian connection, perhaps it is Anubis who attracts me? Consider the large underground system beneath the Giza Plateau. Go into the depths where it connects to the inter-continental passages and from there to inner-Earth civilizations
Is it my Ego, Paul?
I see a tomb, with a great ruler, "myself"
My ego clouds some of my ability to see
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Post by stewartedwards on Jun 11, 2024 3:27:24 GMT 9.5
Consider the large underground system beneath the Giza Plateau. Go into the depths where it connects to the inter-continental passages and from there to inner-Earth civilizations Is it my Ego, Paul?
I see a tomb, with a great ruler, "myself" My ego clouds some of my ability to see
Tundrawolf Paul can answer that. I just want to thank you for posting this, as while I have no recollection of being any sort of leader, as you know from my posts I am often clouded by my ego. Truthfully I donāt know why, as when you boil it down I am content being a nobody. Maybe itās an esoteric thing. But you have given me secondary evidence that (1) itās not just me that struggles with this, and (2) for me (Paul can respond to you as I donāt know in your case), it probably is just ego, over any sort of reality. So thank you Tundrawolf. You are doing well.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 4:27:07 GMT 9.5
The black man.
Not a negro, perhaps his skin was burned - he is the one that takes over when I am drunk and angry and tries to destroy my life.
I am seeing two things,
1. He is the former me
2. He is negative, angry and violent
3. He is upset I am no longer following his ways
4. I may be responsible for reintegrating him back into my life, rather than destroying him completely
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 4:32:13 GMT 9.5
Is it my Ego, Paul?
I see a tomb, with a great ruler, "myself" My ego clouds some of my ability to see
Tundrawolf Paul can answer that. I just want to thank you for posting this, as while I have no recollection of being any sort of leader, as you know from my posts I am often clouded by my ego. Truthfully I donāt know why, as when you boil it down I am content being a nobody. Maybe itās an esoteric thing. But you have given me secondary evidence that (1) itās not just me that struggles with this, and (2) for me (Paul can respond to you as I donāt know in your case), it probably is just ego, over any sort of reality. So thank you Tundrawolf. You are doing well. THAT IS THE PROBLEM I KNOW/KNEW I WAS somebody. I KNOW I was royalty I KNOW I was a ruler I KNOW I had great power Can you imagine, having these experiences, and then being shit into this pathetic existence?? Can you IMAGINE??! Being born of rulers, of OLIGARCHY Being subjected, to those fucking, infantile HUMAN APES God damn! And Paul, rubbing salt into the wound telling me I HAVE TO HELP MY PARENTS I have memories of being, a terror. A horror, a ravenous, vicious, unholy beast that ripped and tore everything and everyone in it path (the black man) AND NOW IM A SLIGHTLY GAY GUY WHO SEES WOLF PEOPLE
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 4:33:57 GMT 9.5
Is it my Ego, Paul?
I see a tomb, with a great ruler, "myself" My ego clouds some of my ability to see
Tundrawolf Paul can answer that. I just want to thank you for posting this, as while I have no recollection of being any sort of leader, as you know from my posts I am often clouded by my ego. Truthfully I donāt know why, as when you boil it down I am content being a nobody. Maybe itās an esoteric thing. But you have given me secondary evidence that (1) itās not just me that struggles with this, and (2) for me (Paul can respond to you as I donāt know in your case), it probably is just ego, over any sort of reality. So thank you Tundrawolf. You are doing well. Maybe in your past you were a ruler, and wiped it from your memory with only the genetic remnant of understanding that YOU DO NOT WANT THAT That would be wisdom!
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 4:34:19 GMT 9.5
Only fools and children want to be rulers
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 4:36:54 GMT 9.5
Droll, but god (the actual God, who have I been talking to this whole time? A hologram!) revealed to me a few days ago. He prefers me not to view him thru the lense of Christianity
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 4:59:35 GMT 9.5
I see, that I was willing to face spiritual annihilation. I am not regretting it, however, was annihilation really on the table?
Am I dishonorable for now. Not allowing it?
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Post by stewartedwards on Jun 11, 2024 5:25:13 GMT 9.5
Tundrawolf Paul can answer that. I just want to thank you for posting this, as while I have no recollection of being any sort of leader, as you know from my posts I am often clouded by my ego. Truthfully I donāt know why, as when you boil it down I am content being a nobody. Maybe itās an esoteric thing. But you have given me secondary evidence that (1) itās not just me that struggles with this, and (2) for me (Paul can respond to you as I donāt know in your case), it probably is just ego, over any sort of reality. So thank you Tundrawolf. You are doing well. THAT IS THE PROBLEM I KNOW/KNEW I WAS somebody. I KNOW I was royalty I KNOW I was a ruler I KNOW I had great power Can you imagine, having these experiences, and then being shit into this pathetic existence?? Can you IMAGINE??! Being born of rulers, of OLIGARCHY Being subjected, to those fucking, infantile HUMAN APES God damn! And Paul, rubbing salt into the wound telling me I HAVE TO HELP MY PARENTS I have memories of being, a terror. A horror, a ravenous, vicious, unholy beast that ripped and tore everything and everyone in it path (the black man) AND NOW IM A SLIGHTLY GAY GUY WHO SEES WOLF PEOPLE Tundrawolf I feel for you as those sort of memories must be challenging. But no, to answer your question Tundrawolf, I canāt really imagine what it is like to be in your position. I donāt think anyone who hasnāt been there really can. But, if it were me I hope that I would be philosophical, perhaps you did good when there, and the bad uns didnāt like it, leading to where you are today? If so, you still did good. Equally maybe whatever prevents us from accessing past lives is breaking down. As you know I have glimpses of some, a Soviet gulag prisoner, a Chinese fisherman from a small village, dying while (I think) in the French Foreign Legion, perhaps a priest in 18th Dynasty Egypt. Paul has suggested RAF pilot to me some years back, though I have no recollection of that (but do love the RAF and did once apply for that job). Maybe Tundrawolf by going through what you are going through, hellish as it maybe, is a prerequisite for you to fulfil your job in this life, whatever that may be. I do understand the anguish of having that itch that there is something more to life, something that you are just not getting. It took me many years to fathom that out. You might be interested to know that I have helped a person who treated me very badly, and while it was one of the most challenging things in my life, I grew enormously from it, as did I think the other person. Perhaps Paul sees how you could benefit from doing that sort of painful difficult work? So you are slightly gay, who cares? You live in a free country. So you see wolf people, as you know I know someone like you who is very close to wolves. You are not alone. Even if it might feel that way sometimes. You have, an albeit small, global network of friends here. š
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 7:51:45 GMT 9.5
Alrighty, well this happened.
I did my alcohol reset ritual yesterday
I went to my favorite bar, dressed as a homeless man, and was treated like shit, as usual- so for the second time in my life I left no "tip"
The enchiladas were good tho, but I think she spit in my coffee (??)
I began to be heart-angry over the injustice of this world, consumed and caught up by anger
I purposely, bought something (A few days ago, I stole three "C" clamps from walmart. I know, one of my spirit guides was telling me my morality was, "false" (like my mothers) and that I needed to "Steal" something to even it out, however this is the third thing I have stolen in, over twenty "pious" years, it has spawned a lesson in self forgiveness, the same way, looking at fucked-up porn has, for healing my childhood) at walmart and left the receipt and did not bag it
Previously, a bag of dog food failed to scan, when I was even more destitute than I am now, and the walmart "greeter" caught it and "made" me go back and pay for it,
So I walked passed the greeter, who had military energy about him, and he reached out to stop me, and I walked past and said, "Nope.", and walked to my van
It is possible the leather sheath of my USMC KA-BAR knife was poking out under my long sleeve shirt, which he possibly saw and decided not to "pursue" the matter
I realized, I was becoming firm in my anger over the injustice of this realm
It is not a small injustice, but rather, a great evil, and yes Paul I get it- "Necessary"- however, it has dashed the hopes of nearly every human who has existed in this iteration- and will rise up again if not confronted, to destroy countless more
And I grew so angry over it, I added the oil to my van, who I told- has served me faithfully, however I admitted I am not in a position to, serve her back, and she understood- and is doing the best she can
Anyway- I began driving down the usual road, where I discovered, the boomer scum, who need control every little aspect of everyones life, have installed a fucking traffic light- hindering peoples progress- and NOT A COST EFFECTIVE AND PROPER ROUNDABOUT, WASTING PEOPLES TAXES, TIME, ENERGY!!! and ETC!
AND, I saw a COP in an UNMARKED vehicle- hypocrisy at it's most disgusting, the lethal, child-rape and murder gangs, ENFORCERS, enforcing every IMMORAL LAW IN EXISTENCE- telling us, WE NEED TO OBEY THE LAW, WHILE THE ELITE PEDOPHILES WHO CONTROL THE POLICE OBEY NONE
Nearly everything in me- except my self-preservation instinct- nearly drove to the cop, who had his lights on, pulling over and harassing someone, and TOLD THEM, that THEY ARE THE PROBLEM AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING PLACE, and asked them, HOW DOES IT FEEL ENFORCING THE WILL OF CHILD RAPISTS
In fact, i nearly turned around THREE TIMES
And, I endeavored, to be honest with my mother, and I felt, the timing might not be right- BUT WHEN IS IT RIGHT???
And so- I drove up to my mothers house, and having the anger energy, I told her:
She is a child abuser
She is a pedophile- if not physically, then spiritually (It amazes me, how Christians can acknowledge a spirit world, even quoting, "We war not against flesh and blood" AND YET DENYING THAT CHILDREN ARE SPIRITUAL CREATURES AND ABUSING THEM ANYWAY
That she is a failure as a mother
That she is a failure as a wife
That she is/was sexually attracted to me
That she essentially, programmed me to destroy myself
That, I signed up for this (?? Paul)
That, she is going to a terrible place unless I forgive her (True, actually, it was shown to me, that certain spirits trusted me with her)
That, the only leg she has to stand on, is IF +THE FREEMASONS ARE RIGHT (Paul, Stewart) about my karmic duty to save and pull her out of the hell she got herself, and my father- into (He got himself in it)
She maintained her purity and innocence, and told me I had demons
So she began to "rebuke" them, and raised her hand at me, and started "Praying" for me, forgive me, I thought it was humorous, so I placed my head in her hands and let her- then continued as if nothing happened
I realized, I painted myself into a corner
I told her, "Give me a few months to finish my van, then sell my possessions, then I will leave and she will never see nor hear from me again
Maybe I was repetitive, but she stopped me, and said, "So you want to just, live however you want, until yoru van is done, then I will never see you again?"
I said, "Precisely."
I also told her, I am going to contact my father and tell him the same thing
I may not, as I am unsure of what I accomplished, outside of my own catharcism
I also began to embrace the doom/death I embraced at the incident at the wolf sanctuary
I feel that, honorably, it is the only way out, however terrible
Perhaps this is all me processing it, perhaps it is divine will?
I began to see more of, "me"
That, I am truly a weapon, this is where a lot of my anger comes from, I was asked, to, destroy, "On high"- and my wolf girls, etc, and I was grieved about it, as my spirit was asking it of me, so I, complied as much as I could, perhaps there is a good reason for it
I feel the weapon must grieve it's work in order to be effective, or it's just mindless destruction
I also understand, thanks to studying witchcraft, that some things, can be "Sacrificed" in other things place, such as:
When asked to sacrifice you child, you instead, carve a child from a piece of wood, then burn it- it accomplishes the same thing, "But in a way"
I am also seeing, the injustice I loathe, is from people, failing, and how, nobody has yet stepped up to the plate to be perfect "righter of things"- and how even I have failed this (I did not confront the police officer)
It is a difficult thing, being mired in these principles, not being an end-all, but only being a stepping stone to the end goal, having chosen death, years ago- or coerced into it
And then rebelling against everything that led up to it-
And I see, how even my generation, Gen X- is still steeped in their parents wickedness, such as children have been described as, "Poison containers"
Fuck.
I also see myself, completely divorcing my parents, and starting on a new, terrifying, empty, and lonely path
It also confirmed what has been confirmed many times already- my mother neither cares for me, nor is capable of it
She said, "I did the best I could!"
I said, "I KNOW!!" (Thanks to Paul for helping me realize this)
She finally had enough and basically said, "If I leave you alone, you'll leave forever?" I said yes, she said okay
The entire conversation took 1 minutes and I yelled, then collected myself
I also told her, women are drawn to me, even though I dress, look, and smell homeless- humans, some- instinctively know I am a "good" person, but where it counts- within
I can feel my mothers, desolation essentially- I told her I will, "Do no violence" against her, and that if she is truly afraid of me, TO CALL THE POLICE
She may yet, and I don't care- that's on her
I am starting to see, my real me- that there is a basis of morality within me
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Post by tundrawolf on Jun 11, 2024 7:57:38 GMT 9.5
My recent rant, about the people living in/around Antarctica, was inspired from a vision I had, of immoral, weak, cowardly, vile human-beings, vile children filled with their parents poison, having hatred, in-their-hearts, against the people in Antarctica, and how close those people are, to being destroyed by these, vicious monsters
THIS IS WHY I WANT THESE PEOPLE ALL TO BE ARMED
And, this may cause an extinction level event with the present-day humans
I am not stuttering.
I am so sick of what is pure, and good, being hated, by unworthy cowards, "Weak men"
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