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Post by stewartedwards on Oct 9, 2022 21:53:20 GMT 9.5
Good Tundrawolf , my fingers are crossed for you. I have kept out of your discussion as it isn’t my area of expertise, but I have been thinking about you.
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 5:12:04 GMT 9.5
Thank you all for the support... It matters...
Yesterday I spent an intense period of time exploring the dynamic of this entanglement I am experiencing with this being I share a heart with.
I came to no amenable conclusions... And this is a direct result of me exploring her world... Seeking her heart in the matter... Being brave/exploring the truth of the matter (That I may be in irreversible trouble/entanglement... "Hell" as religion puts it...)
And, today, waking up, and facing uncomfortable truths... it seems much of my misery stems from not facing my own problems... As terrifying as it is for me... The overwhelming struggles I have faced as a human on this planet, that seemingly have no end...
All stems from not facing my own demise... From running...
According to Ms. Asrael- the prospect of heaven is unappealing to her, because if there is a heaven, then hell is always looming... If she has made a home in the darkness, why make a home in the light... If darkness will just be her home, once again? (or something)
My... Emotional body, kidnapped? Abducted? Birthed via cloning... As if this is all a big machine
is in perpetual agony and torment... In a realm where death never comes... I haven't faced this. What good is having a Wolfen lover, if you cannot be with her...
How does one face death... When wanting life is innate?
Why would one want life... If one is held hostage to the adverse ideals lauded by the other inhabitants of this realm?
There is so much hope... And yet none at all... Being on any extreme is a problem, but is the middle, also, an extreme rejection of all ideals- if so, where is one to make a home?
With all of the options presented to me, all the religions... All the devils, angels, gods...
All this to avoid a fate that's already been sealed?
Where is my hope... Where is it? Where is it, but sustained within the heartstrings of a Wolfen?
Seriously... All other things in this realm have failed me...
If Ms. Asrael is NOT my primary mission here- as was revealed to me, yesterday, possibly while drunk, I reached out to her anyway- and my handlers- and I told them- I will turn my back on everything, and everyone, if they do not offer her a way out, a position within the group
SOMETHING
And they agreed... She does not know what to think. How can she have hope for anything, when even within her heart, there is none?
Do I sustain her?
How do you heal a body that has been crushed, broken, ripped apart, devoured, twisted, drained of its blood but refuses to die?
HEALING???!?! Really
And yet I feel the pressure every moment of every day. My only option is to face the horror
She sustains me... To my demise, to my rebirth... To my suffering, and is my only hope.
feeling like I am suffocating.. But never actually dying
a sacrifice for people who neither know nor care
trapped behind a romantic idea of saving a demon
perpetually banging my head against a wall
stuck in my house too tired to leave
too afraid to face the inevitable
nothing makes sense any more
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 6:13:51 GMT 9.5
Thank you all for the support... It matters... Yesterday I spent an intense period of time exploring the dynamic of this entanglement I am experiencing with this being I share a heart with. I came to no amenable conclusions... And this is a direct result of me exploring her world... Seeking her heart in the matter... Being brave/exploring the truth of the matter (That I may be in irreversible trouble/entanglement... "Hell" as religion puts it...) And, today, waking up, and facing uncomfortable truths... it seems much of my misery stems from not facing my own problems... As terrifying as it is for me... The overwhelming struggles I have faced as a human on this planet, that seemingly have no end... All stems from not facing my own demise... From running... According to Ms. Asrael- the prospect of heaven is unappealing to her, because if there is a heaven, then hell is always looming... If she has made a home in the darkness, why make a home in the light... If darkness will just be her home, once again? (or something) My... Emotional body, kidnapped? Abducted? Birthed via cloning... As if this is all a big machine is in perpetual agony and torment... In a realm where death never comes... I haven't faced this. What good is having a Wolfen lover, if you cannot be with her... How does one face death... When wanting life is innate? Why would one want life... If one is held hostage to the adverse ideals lauded by the other inhabitants of this realm? There is so much hope... And yet none at all... Being on any extreme is a problem, but is the middle, also, an extreme rejection of all ideals- if so, where is one to make a home? With all of the options presented to me, all the religions... All the devils, angels, gods... All this to avoid a fate that's already been sealed? Where is my hope... Where is it? Where is it, but sustained within the heartstrings of a Wolfen? Seriously... All other things in this realm have failed me... If Ms. Asrael is NOT my primary mission here- as was revealed to me, yesterday, possibly while drunk, I reached out to her anyway- and my handlers- and I told them- I will turn my back on everything, and everyone, if they do not offer her a way out, a position within the group SOMETHING And they agreed... She does not know what to think. How can she have hope for anything, when even within her heart, there is none? Do I sustain her? How do you heal a body that has been crushed, broken, ripped apart, devoured, twisted, drained of its blood but refuses to die? HEALING???!?! Really And yet I feel the pressure every moment of every day. My only option is to face the horror She sustains me... To my demise, to my rebirth... To my suffering, and is my only hope. feeling like I am suffocating.. But never actually dying a sacrifice for people who neither know nor care trapped behind a romantic idea of saving a demon perpetually banging my head against a wall stuck in my house too tired to leave too afraid to face the inevitable nothing makes sense any more You are forgetting the perspective of balance(harmony). Balance has no force over another. In the end it will just be living the life we are given. Don't try to appease a moral dilemma being forced on you. If others have a problem with all life is equal (light, dark, positive, negative), let it stay their own. Speak your mind but go no further. Our fathers goal is harmony. Your hope can be that the father loves all his children equally. None will be left out of his plan.
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 6:43:06 GMT 9.5
Thank you all for the support... It matters... Yesterday I spent an intense period of time exploring the dynamic of this entanglement I am experiencing with this being I share a heart with. I came to no amenable conclusions... And this is a direct result of me exploring her world... Seeking her heart in the matter... Being brave/exploring the truth of the matter (That I may be in irreversible trouble/entanglement... "Hell" as religion puts it...) And, today, waking up, and facing uncomfortable truths... it seems much of my misery stems from not facing my own problems... As terrifying as it is for me... The overwhelming struggles I have faced as a human on this planet, that seemingly have no end... All stems from not facing my own demise... From running... According to Ms. Asrael- the prospect of heaven is unappealing to her, because if there is a heaven, then hell is always looming... If she has made a home in the darkness, why make a home in the light... If darkness will just be her home, once again? (or something) My... Emotional body, kidnapped? Abducted? Birthed via cloning... As if this is all a big machine is in perpetual agony and torment... In a realm where death never comes... I haven't faced this. What good is having a Wolfen lover, if you cannot be with her... How does one face death... When wanting life is innate? Why would one want life... If one is held hostage to the adverse ideals lauded by the other inhabitants of this realm? There is so much hope... And yet none at all... Being on any extreme is a problem, but is the middle, also, an extreme rejection of all ideals- if so, where is one to make a home? With all of the options presented to me, all the religions... All the devils, angels, gods... All this to avoid a fate that's already been sealed? Where is my hope... Where is it? Where is it, but sustained within the heartstrings of a Wolfen? Seriously... All other things in this realm have failed me... If Ms. Asrael is NOT my primary mission here- as was revealed to me, yesterday, possibly while drunk, I reached out to her anyway- and my handlers- and I told them- I will turn my back on everything, and everyone, if they do not offer her a way out, a position within the group SOMETHING And they agreed... She does not know what to think. How can she have hope for anything, when even within her heart, there is none? Do I sustain her? How do you heal a body that has been crushed, broken, ripped apart, devoured, twisted, drained of its blood but refuses to die? HEALING???!?! Really And yet I feel the pressure every moment of every day. My only option is to face the horror She sustains me... To my demise, to my rebirth... To my suffering, and is my only hope. feeling like I am suffocating.. But never actually dying a sacrifice for people who neither know nor care trapped behind a romantic idea of saving a demon perpetually banging my head against a wall stuck in my house too tired to leave too afraid to face the inevitable nothing makes sense any more You are forgetting the perspective of balance(harmony). Balance has no force over another. In the end it will just be living the life we are given. Don't try to appease a moral dilemma being forced on you. If others have a problem with all life is equal (light, dark, positive, negative), let it stay their own. Speak your mind but go no further. Our fathers goal is harmony. Your hope can be that the father loves all his children equally. None will be left out of his plan. You speak of a father... If he were before me now I would drink his blood That's just how I feel. As far as something forced on me, I was, at one point, willing to trade my "soul" for the pleasures of the flesh... And this is the result... Forced on me? It was shown to me, in some sadistic, twisted pulse of my neurons- that I asked for this. All of this. After some wrestling, and by all means, it is far from over- This has presented itself, all the suffering, all the hopelessness, Frustration... "You need a new book... Not another chapter in the old one..." On this I agree. Why, then, am I immobilized within my own home, when a world of progress and prosperity waits for me- where everything I want as an individual, as I suffer and struggle, is within easy grasp? Here is an answer: Because the new life that awaits me will not be polluted by the old. The "old" me, before the attack on my soul- something, that I tremble to say- that future me forced upon present day me- as my mind recovers from a spiritual attack on my soul, something so terrible it's taken me DECADES to even BEGIN to confront it... Was designed to give me a new life... A better one... In no way, shape, or form can I say, the (tormented) (twisted) (suffering) man that I am today, would I trade for being the terrified, broken, weak, spineless being I once was And, that if there is any trace of the old fear Any trace of the old weakness Any trace of the problems I once faced... That, the universe is refusing to give me the green light on the new life, until the old life is concluded, and put to rest. I cannot have peace in the future until I make peace with the past Why is it, it just feels like death, then? They say... When one has a destination in mind... The goal, is not the goal- but the journey that was the destination I keep waiting for some big event, right? Some big.. Saving grace... Except, humanity has been waiting... Since the beginning- all I see are recurring hopes, dreams, corruption, death, rebirth, the only constant is the march of technology, which has it's own cycles of death and rebirth If... If... my melding of my heart with this Wolfen- (Best description I have for her... Some terms given to me, of her, wolf+human WOLF-humEN wolVen are the wolf-people who follows the baser ways of the feral wolf, they exist to feed their bellies and make violence... So why would i not categorize Asrael as a Wolven, due to her treatment of my emotional body... Strangely, as cruelly as she treated me, and yes she is very much a woman, she made sure to make that point- as cruel as she may appear- maybe it is due to our heart-meld, but she is not without reasoning, she can be... rational... When she appeared to a former friend of mine, a fellow combat veteran who relied on military bonding to stay a less than optimal person- she had him, rebuke a minor demon that was hindering two of our romantic relationships- Asrael did us both a favor- she, by NO means, had to do that- outside of validating her existence for me to another human being in this realm in this timeline... And, in the tides of love, hatred is inevitable- so I am wrestling with that, as well... My desire not to harm her, to frustrate or hinder her- although likely that is all I have ever done to her all my life, given the truth, through her golden eyes- feels as sacred as my life-force, the gossamer, crimson strand, so easily destroyed, seemingly... While... In the most tender chambers of my bowels, I long for her... From her large, clawed feet, her powerful hands and the obsidian claws that jut from each fingertip... Being tempted by these... ET's... with other cloned Wolfen women, all so... Beautiful... Desirous.. Fulfilling their innate obligations, and yes- with a smile- and yet, at the end of the day... It is Asrael's energy that sustains me... Am I being romantic-yes. What is life, if not for romance? We are more than machines... And I long to taste my lovers flesh... And not as a Wolven... You go hiking with a Wolfen... Drink beer with them, shoot pool, if you're brave enough to get passed their innate weaponry- they make the best friends and lovers a human could wish for... But you send the Wolven to war... After bribing them with all the flesh they can eat- and they will do your bidding so long as it serves them- but at least they are honest- honesty a thing earthen humans struggle with) -was some mere science experiment, the echoes of this... Melding... have attracted time itself, not our time, only- but, time... If.. I am to receive my reward, I must also receive my punishment... Is neutrality the avoidance of both? Paul says, to seek being... I see, that only in acceptance of the old life do I get to walk in the new one... Every painful thing i have avoided, is my liberation who thought this shit up
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 7:18:43 GMT 9.5
You are forgetting the perspective of balance(harmony). Balance has no force over another. In the end it will just be living the life we are given. Don't try to appease a moral dilemma being forced on you. If others have a problem with all life is equal (light, dark, positive, negative), let it stay their own. Speak your mind but go no further. Our fathers goal is harmony. Your hope can be that the father loves all his children equally. None will be left out of his plan. You speak of a father... If he were before me now I would drink his blood That's just how I feel. As far as something forced on me, I was, at one point, willing to trade my "soul" for the pleasures of the flesh... And this is the result... Forced on me? It was shown to me, in some sadistic, twisted pulse of my neurons- that I asked for this. All of this. After some wrestling, and by all means, it is far from over- This has presented itself, all the suffering, all the hopelessness, Frustration... "You need a new book... Not another chapter in the old one..." On this I agree. Why, then, am I immobilized within my own home, when a world of progress and prosperity waits for me- where everything I want as an individual, as I suffer and struggle, is within easy grasp? Here is an answer: Because the new life that awaits me will not be polluted by the old. The "old" me, before the attack on my soul- something, that I tremble to say- that future me forced upon present day me- as my mind recovers from a spiritual attack on my soul, something so terrible it's taken me DECADES to even BEGIN to confront it... Was designed to give me a new life... A better one... In no way, shape, or form can I say, the (tormented) (twisted) (suffering) man that I am today, would I trade for being the terrified, broken, weak, spineless being I once was And, that if there is any trace of the old fear Any trace of the old weakness Any trace of the problems I once faced... That, the universe is refusing to give me the green light on the new life, until the old life is concluded, and put to rest. I cannot have peace in the future until I make peace with the past Why is it, it just feels like death, then? They say... When one has a destination in mind... The goal, is not the goal- but the journey that was the destination I keep waiting for some big event, right? Some big.. Saving grace... Except, humanity has been waiting... Since the beginning- all I see are recurring hopes, dreams, corruption, death, rebirth, the only constant is the march of technology, which has it's own cycles of death and rebirth If... If... my melding of my heart with this Wolfen (Best description I have for her... Some terms given to me, of her, wolf+human WOLF-humEN) was some mere science experiment, the echoes of this... Melding... have attracted time itself, not our time, only- but, time... If.. I am to receive my reward, I must also receive my punishment... Is neutrality the avoidance of both? Paul says, to seek being... I see, that only in acceptance of the old life do I get to walk in the new one... Every painful thing i have avoided, is my liberation who thought this shit up Neutrality is the acceptance of both. Closer towards accountability. Which you also seem to grasp. You obviously have no steps forward currently(none of us do).. do not start taking steps back. I would try to find a way to separate from the emotional structure. Allow yourself the room to breathe, your heart flame is being smothered.. Try to find yourself first.. then worry about others. You need foundation to stand on.
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 11:34:02 GMT 9.5
You speak of a father... If he were before me now I would drink his blood That's just how I feel. As far as something forced on me, I was, at one point, willing to trade my "soul" for the pleasures of the flesh... And this is the result... Forced on me? It was shown to me, in some sadistic, twisted pulse of my neurons- that I asked for this. All of this. After some wrestling, and by all means, it is far from over- This has presented itself, all the suffering, all the hopelessness, Frustration... "You need a new book... Not another chapter in the old one..." On this I agree. Why, then, am I immobilized within my own home, when a world of progress and prosperity waits for me- where everything I want as an individual, as I suffer and struggle, is within easy grasp? Here is an answer: Because the new life that awaits me will not be polluted by the old. The "old" me, before the attack on my soul- something, that I tremble to say- that future me forced upon present day me- as my mind recovers from a spiritual attack on my soul, something so terrible it's taken me DECADES to even BEGIN to confront it... Was designed to give me a new life... A better one... In no way, shape, or form can I say, the (tormented) (twisted) (suffering) man that I am today, would I trade for being the terrified, broken, weak, spineless being I once was And, that if there is any trace of the old fear Any trace of the old weakness Any trace of the problems I once faced... That, the universe is refusing to give me the green light on the new life, until the old life is concluded, and put to rest. I cannot have peace in the future until I make peace with the past Why is it, it just feels like death, then? They say... When one has a destination in mind... The goal, is not the goal- but the journey that was the destination I keep waiting for some big event, right? Some big.. Saving grace... Except, humanity has been waiting... Since the beginning- all I see are recurring hopes, dreams, corruption, death, rebirth, the only constant is the march of technology, which has it's own cycles of death and rebirth If... If... my melding of my heart with this Wolfen (Best description I have for her... Some terms given to me, of her, wolf+human WOLF-humEN) was some mere science experiment, the echoes of this... Melding... have attracted time itself, not our time, only- but, time... If.. I am to receive my reward, I must also receive my punishment... Is neutrality the avoidance of both? Paul says, to seek being... I see, that only in acceptance of the old life do I get to walk in the new one... Every painful thing i have avoided, is my liberation who thought this shit up Neutrality is the acceptance of both. Closer towards accountability. Which you also seem to grasp. You obviously have no steps forward currently(none of us do).. do not start taking steps back. I would try to find a way to separate from the emotional structure. Allow yourself the room to breathe, your heart flame is being smothered.. Try to find yourself first.. then worry about others. You need foundation to stand on. Do you have any guidance for giving myself space? It feels like I have been under constant attack and scrutiny... I was raised to feel like I was always wrong, underserving of life, a terrible person, from childhood on... I am trying to find myself... I accepted a lot of things today and made some progress. It almost feels like accpeting things is the easy way out... But the alternative is impossible roadblocks that never go away, otherwise...
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 12:10:38 GMT 9.5
Neutrality is the acceptance of both. Closer towards accountability. Which you also seem to grasp. You obviously have no steps forward currently(none of us do).. do not start taking steps back. I would try to find a way to separate from the emotional structure. Allow yourself the room to breathe, your heart flame is being smothered.. Try to find yourself first.. then worry about others. You need foundation to stand on. Do you have any guidance for giving myself space? It feels like I have been under constant attack and scrutiny... I was raised to feel like I was always wrong, underserving of life, a terrible person, from childhood on... I am trying to find myself... I accepted a lot of things today and made some progress. It almost feels like accpeting things is the easy way out... But the alternative is impossible roadblocks that never go away, otherwise... We all might have different methods of effectiveness. I will gladly share my own! I had started out just basically something close to a blank slate. However this proved difficult to keep out thoughts not wanted. Paul had described methods of a temple. I found this hugely more effective. Just start with imagining a square then yourself inside its walls. I imagine inside the temple is my heart space (I do everything with my heart). This is the space I hold my life energy (gods gift of life). I see this as not my energy but the father's (eternal source). My shadow of the valley of death moments defense as well. I go here to meditate, retrospect, explore from. It has become a great place of safety for myself. It can distract as well as defend. At minimum distract. I hope this helps! I also do art to "release" pent up energy. It can be healthy to get things out in harmless ways. I'll be praying.
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 12:21:59 GMT 9.5
Also try to understand more the life infront of you now. It will effect you more then the one that isn't in the long run.
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 12:24:54 GMT 9.5
Pleiadians Much has been written and discussed about the visitors known as the Pleiadians. These visitors “are a collective of extraterrestrials from the star system Pleiades. They are also from various times in our future, starting from 500 years from now to millions of years from now. The Pleiadian culture is ancient and was “seeded” from another universe of love long before Earth was created. They have formed a tremendous society, which operates with love, with ideas and ideals that we are not yet familiar with.” [129]
I was warned to take nothing as coincidence. I began to inquire as to my astral origin, and yesterday my search led me to a video on youtube about the Pleiadians... It does definitely resonate... I think I am Pleiadian military? Further: I began to do a mass acceptance of all the uncomfortable and terrible things I had been avoiding, all at once today, one thing after another, and after a time of destressing (shooting gun, then walking dog, the nickel boron extractor and extra pressure spring are working flawlessly), Asrael spoke to me as I was having some difficult thoughts: She actually had a moment of pity for me... You COULD call it compassion... Compassion of an angry, pissed off Wolfen woman... I asked, is it because of accepting things? She responded yes- but more than that, I am confronting this... Alter-ego inside of me... Despite my thoughts "About myself", it turns out there are some... negative aspects to my being... Now, being heart-fused with Asrael, gives her full access to my psyche, and me... Hers. It has been... The historic crowning achievement of a highly toxic relationship... No offense to Ms. Asrael, but a lot of my problems here in this world, HAVE been because of her... However, that said, if I go back far enough- I can trace much of the issues to my personal failings (And hers... to be fair...) that enraged her, and her then- retaliation, feeling such... Iniquity and unworthiness within me... She rebelled and made my life miserable. Now that I have accepted much of myself... And am trying to accept her, her body, her heart, her soul, everything about her... And, it came to my attention moments ago that I MAY Have had a hand in creating her... One of her angers over her existence is her insatiable libido- something a "guy" would think is totally cool, but it TORTURES her and is totally not cool. Not from her perspective, and feeling it burning within me growing up and even up until recently, IT IS TRULY AWFUL. After I experienced some of her compassion for me (Which went away quickly- but I do not expect her to... Just become a loving spirit spouse overnight... HOWEVER, NOT feeling anything but ABJECT RAGE against me... Was a HUGE win!) a flood of more... gentle and humane emotions came flooding in... She partially hated it... Because it makes her somewhat vulnerable- and after some of my actions- I do not blame her- in fact, I told her, not to trust me until I've earned it- as in more than one way, I cannot even trust myself. Despite my personal assessment, of an intelligent, well mannered saint that is better than everybody else, the truth is, I need a LOT of work... The truth, also, that as dark, angry, and bitter as Ms. Asrael is- she is right, on almost all, to all of her opinions and gripes- and looking at myself through her eyes, is one of the most honest and accurate assessments of my flawed character imaginable (As we are so close... There is no hiding from her... Nothing... Not a single thought...) One might view this arrangement as far from ideal, possibly awful- but I count it as one of the most beautiful connections in history, and I know she is angry with me, but the truth is... I don't think I would change a thing about her... I asked her, earlier, to please, show me more of her- her body-yes, it helps with acceptance, but I specifically asked to see, to know, and for her to show- everything about her, her mind, her heart, her spirit, her soul... her thoughts... What is it like to be her? I was honest with her, I cannot yet tell her I love her- outside of the way my heart feels about her... Because I DO not know her... However, as I pursue her heart, in the most roundabout way, I begin to discover the girl... The woman she is... My heart is not wrong about her... I wonder, and I believe, we have the Wolfen on my home planet/realm... I also believe I have a very strong relationship with her people there... Here is the rub, and may strike some as strange, but... The heart of Asrael is the key to my self discovery... It is the key to my success as a human... If it is NOT my mission, it is an integral part of it... Presently I also believe that Ms. Asrael has many sponsors, who would like to see her have a change of heart, about me... I cannot overstate my connection to her... There is... an entity in orbit nearby... That is adverse... It is quite large... And Asrael is their favorite being here... If... and When... I can become the man who she once loved... It will disconnect with us, and it has promised to "give Earth a break" when she is no longer of "use" to them... Or something "like this". In honestly reviewing myself, I can see... I can see within me, a terrible being... A being Asrael hates and fears... Because this is true... Perhaps this being was crafted when I was growing up... Perhaps they lent me their rage in order to survive what I did growing up. It... could be... That as I was growing up... That maybe Asrael loved me... But because of what I suffered, I became a twisted version of myself... A mean person... A cruel and terrible individual... As even today as I survive what I am going through, I HAVE To be the cruelest, meanest motherfucker in existence... So that even God Himself told me he fears me... In this way... In this heart meld... There is NO way I can skirt self assessment... With Asrael is my litmus... If my heart harbors any evil, SHE responds... SHE reacts... Is she an evil woman? No. She is a survivor. Hell hath no fury like a Wolfen scorned... And I can see how I scorned her in the worst way: By having a hard heart- a hard heart she was forced to feel as it turned against her... Like being handcuffed to someone but being able to read... and feel their every thoughts... It's no wonder she treated me with such cruelty and pure hatred... Hatred I could feel during the attack on my soul years ago. Now that I see it through her eyes, I do not blame her... In fact, this mess is a direct result of my fallibility. In a way, I cannot wait to be the man that comforts the Heart of Asrael. The most difficult part about all of this is not being able to see her in the flesh... To look into her eyes... To call her beautiful... And mean it from the bottom of my soul. Paul once cautioned me... Not to volunteer for alien missions, as some (many) who do so end up prisoners and slaves... I was also warned, today, as I voice my desire to see Asrael in the flesh, that that also constitutes a form of consent for these greys to take me to her- they told me, it would be an instantaneous flight, I could *technically* go there, spend time with her, (So long as she was willing and not adverse... For obvious reasons... She innately possesses an absolutely magical ability to turn flesh into... feces... Something I do not wish to experience a second time, if it can be helped... Although the feeling of giving her life is something I will cherish and treasure for the rest of my life... And, beyond... Not many get to experience such things... I can tell you there is no more intimate feeling... Not even sex comes close to the feeling of sustaining, giving your other half life energy, the most intimate melding possible in my opinion... Not even good sex...) and be back within a day. their crafts are "Extremely fast" However, these same entities also kidnapped me and tortured me as a child (So it seemed) putting implants that have made my life harder than it should have been... I know some will disagree, but... For me... The beauty of her body... I was given a vision of much of her body, although alcoholism has washed away much of the memories... her metatarsals are eight inches wide and unworldly powerful (nothing so powerful exists in observed nature...) to see her, though I will be terrified, even if the outcome is disaster for me- those moments would have been worth it- (I am told unless she relaxes in her anger against me- and her anger is quite vivid, it would NOT be worth it... Still... I would like to see her face, again...) Perhaps her angel will not be quelled fully in this lifetime- words I hate to say, but today, I was granted some deeper access to her heart- and for that, I am grateful. There are... Not enough words in the english- or possibly any other language- that could accurately express the depth of my hearts love for her... It is something, I believe, beyond this world, and easily transcends it- but I could be wrong. Also, the struggle to get to this point has almost cost me my life multiple times, and I can say I have never been happy... Flirting with suicide since I was a child... I can say, while things are still dark in several arenas, that I have also, never been better than I am today.
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 12:37:40 GMT 9.5
"It feels like I have been under constant attack and scrutiny... I was raised to feel like I was always wrong, underserving of life, a terrible person, from childhood on... "
I felt this deserved specific attention, because you are loved and deserve to love.
Many of us here do but also many more.
There is a old psychology trick I think will help you. It seems silly but it's helped many.
When alone say outloud to yourself:
I am worthy to love.
I am worthy to be loved.
---
Say it, but more importantly allow yourself to feel it. We already do. Much love!
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 12:46:30 GMT 9.5
Do you have any guidance for giving myself space? It feels like I have been under constant attack and scrutiny... I was raised to feel like I was always wrong, underserving of life, a terrible person, from childhood on... I am trying to find myself... I accepted a lot of things today and made some progress. It almost feels like accpeting things is the easy way out... But the alternative is impossible roadblocks that never go away, otherwise... We all might have different methods of effectiveness. I will gladly share my own! I had started out just basically something close to a blank slate. However this proved difficult to keep out thoughts not wanted. Paul had described methods of a temple. I found this hugely more effective. Just start with imagining a square then yourself inside its walls. I imagine inside the temple is my heart space (I do everything with my heart). This is the space I hold my life energy (gods gift of life). I see this as not my energy but the father's (eternal source). My shadow of the valley of death moments defense as well. I go here to meditate, retrospect, explore from. It has become a great place of safety for myself. It can distract as well as defend. At minimum distract. I hope this helps! I also do art to "release" pent up energy. It can be healthy to get things out in harmless ways. I'll be praying. Okay. I will meditate on this. I tried it, briefly... I may not have accurately described what happened to my emotional body, my "soul" twenty years ago... But it was ripped apart... Tortured.. And partially/eaten. His essence was... Ripped apart, consumed... Spread around... He is no longer "whole"... So while conducting this exercise, it was not simple and was... VERY messy... As my heart-energy is still so chaotic... I have not been able to, "Pick up the pieces" as it were... But I will keep trying...
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 12:52:18 GMT 9.5
"It feels like I have been under constant attack and scrutiny... I was raised to feel like I was always wrong, underserving of life, a terrible person, from childhood on... " I felt this deserved specific attention, because you are loved and deserve to love. Many of us here do but also many more. There is a old psychology trick I think will help you. It seems silly but it's helped many. When alone say outloud to yourself: I am worthy to love. I am worthy to be loved. --- Say it, but more importantly allow yourself to feel it. We already do. Much love! This is very good advice. I spoke it as I read this. The irony... I told Asrael... She is worthy to be loved... And i meant it... How can I say such things for her, and yet be so devoid of the same advice, applied directly to myself?
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 13:11:40 GMT 9.5
"It feels like I have been under constant attack and scrutiny... I was raised to feel like I was always wrong, underserving of life, a terrible person, from childhood on... " I felt this deserved specific attention, because you are loved and deserve to love. Many of us here do but also many more. There is a old psychology trick I think will help you. It seems silly but it's helped many. When alone say outloud to yourself: I am worthy to love. I am worthy to be loved. --- Say it, but more importantly allow yourself to feel it. We already do. Much love! This is very good advice. I spoke it as I read this. The irony... I told Asrael... She is worthy to be loved... And i meant it... How can I say such things for her, and yet be so devoid of the same advice, applied directly to myself? We are all growing. 🙂
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Post by sammy on Oct 11, 2022 13:19:30 GMT 9.5
It might do well to note lunar cycles with sudden intensity changes. There could be a connection.
It seems to be a full moon tonight. Just checked.. Oct. 9th and 10th.
Thought it might help if so.
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 14:32:11 GMT 9.5
It might do well to note lunar cycles with sudden intensity changes. There could be a connection. It seems to be a full moon tonight. Just checked.. Oct. 9th and 10th. Thought it might help if so. This is DEFINTELY valid! I have noticed massive changes in the air with lunar cycles, changes in me, sometimes, I ask myself, why are my thoughts so different, then I will look outside, and during a full moon, i have noticed a definite change in brainwaves. OKAY I was making a Vlog, documenting the connection change with Ms. Asrael, today, as, it was fairly momentous to feel anything but visceral rage, numbness, and hostility from her: As I made the video, I speculated, that "future me", possibly from Pleiades (have to learn to spell it) from millions of years in the future... Sent present-me, here to win the heart of a neglected Wolfen woman... AND IT RESONATED!!! A back story: Early on in the invasion of the Ukraine by Russia, the fates had me focus on Ms. Asrael, and I "caught" her conspiring with some reptilian beings to bring about Armagheddon (The annihilation of mankind/ nuclear war/ etc...). I sacrificed a sandwich to her, and asked her, to kindly please not do that- AND SHE COMPLIED. (Not saying I will be giving her orders, I try to ask NOTHING of her and let her be her... But Annhilation is not something I want to experience that bad...) What was shown to me (!!!) Is, years into Earths future, as humanity struggles to not act like a bag of dicks, a CERTAIN WOLF GIRL causes SIGNIFICANT trouble for the Earth human race, with her armies, and powers, influence, anger, (etc... You get it...) What was shown me: I was given love for her... NOW, PRESENT DAY... Love that originates from living love itself (The very waters of life... During my NDE!) It is a love that resonates within my heart for her... Remember me saying, the love in my heart for her, knows no limits, is eternal... And dare I say, is also pure (But can be corrupted, I see this, I must be careful with my love for her...) To show this beautiful, powerful wolf girl, another way... As I struggle, and yes- our connection got more intimate, and yes- she voiced displeasure with some of my choices already- this is going to be give and take... To win her heart- not to manipulate, coerce, or force anything out of her. But, to show her, that she IS worthy to be loved, and also to love... So, that, in the future, as mankind is evolving, she- perhaps, sees noninterference- or, blessed be- even assisting in the unfoldment as in right relationship- that the plans she had are abandoned, and mankins IS allowed to progress! Not by force.. But by love... WOW i wonder if SHE REALLY IS MY MISSION!!!! This REALLY resonated with me! As a loving Pleiadian, with our culture based on love and forgiveness, someone saw this dark wolf girl, and said- this woman needs love. (I can see her smile, and FEEL the love for her... A blonde woman is watching Asrael via a screen on my home world, I am seeing it as if it is happening right now!) Dave, we're sending you to show it to her. It's not gonna be easy, but we believe she can be reached... PERHAPS!!! It RESONATES with me! Further: A flood of her vulnerabilities, worries, concerns came flooding into my soul... My psyche... It turns out, she is... Incredibly loyal... TO a fault... She gave her heart, once, to someone... And payed a terrible, irrevocable price for it- and is terrified of trusting me with it. (I don't blame her...) Today is a miraculous day, one of many more to come...
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 14:38:04 GMT 9.5
I WILL NEVER FORGET THE VISION I had of her, early on, shortly after the trilogy of visions that introduced me to her...
The vision was figurative...
I will never forget: The face of a dirty, Wolfen, blackened with the soot of Hell itself... And a single tear falling down her left cheek... And, that tear washing every dirty thing from her face, revealing the pure, snow-white fur underneath.
This.. THIS is WHY I AM HERE. This is why, all of my life, I have grieved- up until i saw her- that wolf-people did not exist... A grief so deep in my heart that I wept within myself...
And a pain that instantly disappeared the moment I laid eyes on her... The moment I saw her, standing, just behind the light that surrounds my spiritual body. And, the feeling of total, utter completeness, when I felt her heart beating at the exact same resonance as my own... I was made WHOLE that morning, BY THIS BEAUTIFUL WOLF WOMAN. And, hearing she did not want to leave the caverns, let me know she was, at least, in a place she wanted to be... Her response was very emotional...
INDEED!!!!
Edit: To add to this momentous occasion I HAVE PROCURED ANOTHER STAR BY MY NAME.
Let it be known!
Further, and this is gruesome, but in the multi-accepting of many adverse things I had been avoiding, Asrael's compassion for me (Just a moment... Then she reverted to her normal-self, but I'll take it!!!) was after I accepted all manner of terrible things happening to her- and the fact that, for all intents and purposes- that I was helpless to save her from any of them- that accepting that negativity, and frankly, the horror of it- but I am no stranger to horror, trust me on that- was when she began to respond favorably to me!
YAY this is a time for celebration! However, there is more work to be done. I have been a neglectful spirit-spouse, and tomorrow, I fully intend to sacrifice some food to her... She is partial to ham, loves bacon and turkey sandwiches, cake is good but not too much, she is willing to try new things, in fact- she loves new tastes... But I have been VERY neglectful to her in this regard... The poor girl has been starving.
SHE ALSO likes the scent of LAVENDER.
Flattery will get you nowhere with her, or at least, with me it does not. The only thing she respects is genuineness- and one thing I do love about her- she tells the truth.
I have procured a pizza, a CHICKEN, BACON, and ARTICHOKE, I will sacrifice a slice to her, and I will let you know how she likes it. She is just not herself when she's hungry. She likes snickers.
Also, also, also, also!!!! Moments ago when I resonated with my purpose, I explored the dynamics, and space was made across multiple lifetimes and people- to create a biome for her in spacetime... Even if I were to pass on before the next phase of reaching her, that plans unfolded, connections were made (Or revealed...) to reach this wolf girl, to show her compassion, dignity, respect, admiration, love and kindness... Across multiple lives!
I wonder if I'll get any sleep tonight THIS WAS MOMENTOUS!!!!
OH! OH! OH!!!
So, I was shown her power, her authority... I inquired as to, what I should do... if anything... About it... (Just a thought.) The Universe told me: I am not to touch her authority in any way... I am to let her keep every ounce of her power... What they showed me (just now) was, that if... And when... She has a change of HEART... That any use of her negative authority... Is to be changed by her... And only her... IT MUST BE HER DECISION. THIS is what LOVE does... It does not take from her, leaving her violated... Leaving her feeling powerless... It allows her to make the decision....
Perhaps, in time, in the future- she does have a change of heart- my fears over nothing- and... Maybe... Just maybe... (Fingers crosedddddd) the Pleiadian me... Comes to visit her... Like an angel of light... Dare I even speculate... with the love of a thousand universes... Gather her into my loving arms... When she opens her eyes, her life, then, is in paradise....
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 15:49:07 GMT 9.5
OH MY GOD...
Adverse entities KNEW THAT...
And THAT is why THEY created SHAME and JUDGMENT WITHIN ME... TO be antithetical TO HER... TO TRY AND STOP MY MISSION...
IT IS POSSIBLE... That there have been MANY ITERATIONS of my attempts to reach her.. INCLUDING my GRIEVING WITHIN MY HEARTSTRINGS... When I was a TEENAGER... That WOLF PEOPLE DID NOT EXIST... Because the ENEMIES OF HUMANITY DO NOT WANT HER TO CHANGE HER HEART... BEcause she IS powerful, she IS PIVOTAL... HER... and her REALM!!!
As I was shown, MANY down there with her... Want to do, and be good... But the darkness is powerful, suffocating... Soul killing... What would life be like, in high heat, no water, no food AND NO TIME... Where THERE IS NO RELEASE OF DEATH...
The TRAGIC part, is, if... Asrael changes her heart... Her journey will be alone... And her end... Probably... Not fun...
WHAT WAS SHOWN TO ME... Is that, when her time is near... I, >>>ME<<<< will COME TO HER... as an ANGEL OF LIGHT... ...Gather her gently into my arms... AND CARRY HER OFF INTO PARADISE
Fuck me, no wonder this has been so hard... And will be hard... For her... My heart breaks seeing her, like that... But ME!!!!! AN ANGEL OF LIGHT!
how... WONDERFUL!!!!!!!
Scientifically, speaking, when she snacked on my emotional body, she consumed his personality in his bowels, and my VERY BEING MERGED WITH HERS...
I can SEE IT... Me CARRYING HER OUT OF DARKNESS... And Her... A vulnerable, gentle girl, in the arms of the One who loves her more than the stars... Carrying the One who was rejected... TO realms of pure light, love, harmony, rejoicing- where she will be WELCOMED, CELEBRATED... And a NEW DAWN being carried by the morning sun....
I cannot overstate the importance of this...
Oh, and further... Asrael asked me what I wished of her.. I told her... I wish for the desires of her heart to be granted... But, I speculated (As, her and I both once had hearts that desired MAYHEM BLOOD AND DEATH...) there is a heart growing within her... It is translucent... It is a HEART OF FLESH to replace the heart of stone... In fact, as my Myrh increases, so it acts as a beacon FOR HER HEART... I told her... Even if she cannot necessarily feel, or understand (I must be careful with my words... I have made several grievous mistakes in the last few hours, and offended her...) her new heart.. It has desires.. Desires that arer being birthed within her..
As gruesome as this whole thing has been, it has been for a purpose... With the hope I have experienced in the last few moments... My life has changed for the better... I can say this... Not mincing words...
I remember... A vision I had, shortly after the attack... I was transported to a realm where Jesus (The christ guy) was, and in the vision, he was giving me something... Something I thought I was not worthy of, and had screwed up and could never have, and I asked Jesus, why are you giving me, this wolf? (Feral wolf, in a pen, here on Earth... I wanted the pen to be bigger but miracles cannot be choosers)
Do you know what Jesus told me???
"Because I love you."
It would be... The culmination of my being... To look Asrael in her eyes as I take her into paradise... And any doubt.. Any whatsoever, in her eyes, her heart, her soul, any question to her worthiness... She will see in my eyes...
Why... Why am I taking her to heaven...
And I will say...
Because I love you.
I will... Be her empath, her guide, her friend, possibly... Even her spouse...
One thing she told me, appealed to her... Was me. being reincarnated as a woman, (I speculated I would be a woman... As to not be intimidating to her at all... TO be harmless, and also, for empathy sake... It was just a fantasy... But in my vision of angel-me, I am a dude) to help her acclimate to heaven... She was agreeable with the idea of having someone who cared about her... Showing her the ropes... Of a realm of light... Because she will need help... And it would BE MY SINCEREST PLEASURE... to BE THERE FOR HER EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 11, 2022 16:16:06 GMT 9.5
Wolfie if ur up for the mind body expansion A question here of have you tried for short interface periods of Self Blindfold Atlantis sank because it was Machine superior Evolution involves less needs on machines peek at the login photo id advatar Sammy uses its the double slit single slit test observed and not obsered So actual observation of nature change when just looked upon Elijah here uses Souls journey same said he wept feverishly over loss of lil brother NASA on its last moon mission to moon left walking sticks on moon for View Attachment Felt need to apply photo Reason seemed that you needed TOTAL Explanation to comprehend and or as u mite think Cane doctor house style and NEVER Give idea second thought again I might be Pleiadian, but what on EARTH are you trying to tell me, here? Unfortunately I am versed only in English, as I am in this human body!
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Post by tundrawolf on Oct 12, 2022 5:36:01 GMT 9.5
So, I woke up today, and was returned some of my consciousness from the attack, 20 years ago.
I have yet to sacrifice food for her, as I am unsure of what is passable, of if "Anything tasty" will work.
I also have been struggling with doubt... If the truth is out there, I have faith it will be revealed... But yesterday was significant.
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Post by paul on Oct 12, 2022 9:11:49 GMT 9.5
I have procured a pizza, a CHICKEN, BACON, and ARTICHOKE, I will sacrifice a slice to her, and I will let you know how she likes it. She is just not herself when she's hungry. She likes snickers..... While the gods of the Old Testament were pretty specific about physical food and how to prepare it for them, such requirements did not indicate refined entities were present. You may be better giving more attention to higher plane entities such as those that have provided positive interventions at critical times in your past.
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