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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 28, 2024 14:21:03 GMT 9.5
I guess, they wish me to write this, as it was important.
Last night, I remembered, I got to visit the "old" me.
I assumed, he was a total loss, as, my journey has been, releasing him, letting him go- and even allowing him to die.
However, when I visited him, I got to visit the innocent part of him, the part that was childlike joy, purity, innocence.
It SEEMED as if his death was total, but I think it was the negative aspects of him, allowing me to preserve his dignity and Being, in spite of the trauma and damage.
~The Dark Side~
Today I worked on prepping my van frame. I labored at it for some times, with an angle grinder, home made handle made of pipe, and a wire wheel I wore down almost to the base metal.
However, as I worked, I contemplated Anastasia.
It was here I realized: She has a sister.
Her sister is known as a "Dark witch" who practices the dark canine arts.
-You can imagine what that entails-
Well, she got me caught up inh a spell, and she works with Anastasia to a degree.
Her mother, it turns out, was a bit of a dabbler into magic as well, which is what sparked the interest in the sister.
Anastasia does not practice it, but sometimes gets "help" thru it.
Well, the spells I have been involved in, through my connection with Aanastasias heart, include, death and destruction, attraction, lust- and she hopes- marriage/partnership (As mates)
It got a bit dark, as I was able to see Anastasias spiritual lineage- confirming earlier visions and "feelings" (Notions) about her.
Her end goes deep into the darkness, into the "OS" side of things, into the inner earth.
She is a bit of a dark girl!
Well- a bit of a goth girl!
Strangely, that makes her even sexier. I could see her with mascara, a white wolfess, one foot in the darkness, one in the light (like me), just as beautiful, attractive, alluring, and mysterious as can be.
In examining the puppies, one was not seemingly eating, and had a bad rash on her paws and belly. So I medicated her with Desitin, and began hand feeding her, and allowing her to "cuddle" on the bed (A side note, if one is a nudist, and is feeding a puppy hot dogs, do not lose track of said puppy, as a painful bite on a most sensitive area may result, I may or may not speak from experience)
However, in feeding her, I began to see that, she was being bullied by the other puppies, not allowed to eat because she was weaker- and yet she would hop around the shop with me, and her mother, played with her very well.
Canines, can be brutal...
It reminded me of the rivalry of the young, in humans- and canines- and how with canines it is "Upped a notch" because of their much sharper, longer teeth, and needle like, vicious claws, designed to survive an attack by a larger predator until they can grow up. (Makes you wonder, what world canines came from, to require these things??! I know in my heart, canines in the service of humans [dogs] are grateful to be in such a peaceful environment, and not constantly having to "survive"- as they are cared for by benevolent humans)
Anastasia and I are struggling with almost the exact same issues, as we dance together- trying to come together, in a mutual plane of existence.
The spells, the meddling of the OS, the meddling of my greater self, have come together to create a confusing wheel of yin and yang, and at the center, is twisted.
I am told, to relax, and "allow" beingness will resolve it.
It is difficult not to want to put my hands in the wiring and try to fix it.
A malady my mother has perfected in chaos
I also saw my mother today, but thanks to the inner work, I was able to treat her with dignity.
Also: the van foundation came to me: it is not to be a van of escape, but a mobile command platform of enjoyment.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 28, 2024 15:32:00 GMT 9.5
I keep forgetting to add something, and now I have forgotten again.
It appears as if I must break free of the Wolfen (Anastasias sister, Wolfen Magick, canine sex Magick...) before I am able to enter into right relationship with Anastasia.
I was also initiated today, into a high house of canineness.
They asked me to keep it's name secret. (It's vulnerable, or for higher canine initiates)
I keep forgetting
I also see a divine (not angelic) canine host, that has been assigned to Anastasia. She is like a higher sponsor for her.
Where the cable of beingness reaches up into heaven, it folds in an arc back down into the inner earth, similar to an infinity symbol, or perhaps two yin-yang shapes intertwined
I also see where some canines were facing inevitable extinction, but hijacked me as a means to stave that off
It is hard to determine where my destiny begins, and the sorcery surrounding me ends.
For example, I know a spell of attraction was cast over me, to desire Anastasia.
However, I find her to be near perfect, even in her flaws.
That's the spell, Dave!
What if I know it, and yet still choose her?
It could be there is a divine purpose here, too.
Such as, my higher sponsors seeing the Canines as a good match fory unfoldment in this realm.
Perhaps the spell was necessary for me to see that? As they are naturally very intimidating, and I may not have chosen them naturally?
Similar to when Anastasia asked me if I would have chosen her if I was a visitor to the tribe.
No, you are too scary!
However, now that I have her heart in my chest, I would not (and continue not to, in spite of the canine girls who put themselves in my vision...) choose another.
Interesting how things can "fit" in several opposing realms simultaneously
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 28, 2024 15:38:13 GMT 9.5
One of my biggest issues is, this is my first time here, and I was told, by OS slaves, that you only get this one life and that's it, after that it's indescribably horrific eternal torture, or indescribably wonderful heavenly delights forever.
No wonder my blank slate Beingness struggles.
I can Only imagine what other humans struggle with.
Good night
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 29, 2024 3:30:43 GMT 9.5
Believe it or not, I am actually cultivating enough self worth to begin making decisions for myself, to put myself first, above the dynamics I have been captive to.
In viewing the spell that was put over me, of love- I am able to break it down:
When I consider my love interest, when I think about her, my mind is instinctively drawn to the highest form of physical bonding, that goes into the eternal, destiny, and the merging of selves: mating.
Creating life.
Life, that is a part of you, and a part of her- and not just this, the all=powerful orgasm, that starts wars, causes murders, rapes, death and life.
However, when I consider my lover, the spell drags in all things, all dynamics- even those things that may not belong to her- and offers them as temptation, and instinctively- so that they are not questioned.
In essence, my thoughts of her, and especially via the heart, offers me "everything".
Which is part of the hook of it
Taken the thirstiest, loneliest, hungriest man, an alien in an alien land, with every promise of hope and finding none- and offer him am immortal banquet
And guess what will happen?
He will be hooked.
As I am hooked on the wolf woman.
So: the solution, is to re-claim myself.
As, I do owe the canine a debt of honor, for assisting me- and perhaps, their assistance was the resolution to their enmity in the first place- if I choose to like them regardless- that is my choice.
So-
The order of the day, is to gently let the wolf girl down, and slowly- raise myself up.
As the wolves are discovering, and other actors of adversity- I am waking up.
And when you piss off a giant, trying to make them helpless, when they realize their size and authority over you, it can be disastrous, when he finally opens his eyes.
However, I do not wish them too much harm, aside from what is necessary for my release and freedom, as some of it is a good lesson.
Some of it is necessary to learn
Though it is difficult.
However, in choosing my "hook", it requires extra-natural effort, to move myself towards her, with my own effort.
The spell creates its own effort- the urge, desire, strength and will is inherent within the love spell (Attraction)
It is effortless to lust after the wolf girl!
However, when one decides to overcome the spell, and then act of ones own volition, the effort required is tremendous, and, essentially puts the spell caster, and the benefactor of such, in a vulnerable position.
They do not know they are already vulnerable, rather, this is the manifestation of this, forcing them to confront what they have done, and the consequences of such, such as, when one realizes one is immersed in a spell, and pushes against it, it is a double negative, instead of a double positive (Seemingly.)
SO much is yet, still unwritten.
Well, I push on. The confusion that keeps one trapped in the various adverse spells, is deep. Often, I just need to sit through the chaos.
I have work to do today, on the van. I want to get it done!
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 29, 2024 3:50:00 GMT 9.5
Something that came to me.
Anastasia, for all that I have been able to gather on her, desires, at a root- to be protected.
1. Protected from jealous females that would abscond with her love interest
2. Protected from her tribes (unfair) cruel discipline
3. Protected from superior outside forces (Such as cruel Nazis)
4. Protected from losing the man that she loves (And protected from the devastation fo this.)
5. Protected from the dishonor of continual, painful loss in her life (Everything she loves, she feels, she loses. Eerily similar to my own life. Perhaps I am shouldering a burden for her, on her behalf? Such as my own mother heaped upon me?)
For me to say, "anastasia is a bad woman" (A bad girl!) I would then have to say the same of myself.
This is the root of my self hatred.
How can such a woman endure what she has endured, and maintain a positive self assessment of herself?
It is also in this, her heart completing me, and me, knowing her, that one morning years ago- that I wish to help myself- and her, help her, and myself.
Her only miscalculation, is that she would escape the suffering required to perfect her Being.
I will assist her even with that, if I may.
But I cannot do it for her.
Any more than she could do it for me.
Perhaps she was there for me, even in my darkest moment- the divine her, ministering to me, not to give up, though I saw no hope, no perceived it.
I pray her lessons are not drawn out.
She IS strong.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 9:37:08 GMT 9.5
Some things of interest to me.
Over the last few days I have consumed a large amount of protein. 18 eggs so far. My bodies "asks" for it.
After working on the frame of my van, which is labor intensive, I took a break to eat, a large amount of cereal, perhaps 7 "servings" of it before i felt full.
Then, I became very tired, so I decided to rest, set the time for 47 minute,s however when it rang, I was far from done rest, so I laid back down.
When I woke up, I had a sense of, a void of good cheer- but that I should place good cheer within that void- with the knowledge that if I did, it would be a permanent positive attitude- a very blessed realization- so I did.
I became aware, of how healing is centralized around rest- at least in my case.
I also became aware of some dark treachery within my family- which is perhaps, designed for me to detach from them fully.
Also, I began to understand, that embracing my humanness was the key to healing- which is the opposite of what I had assumed this entire time.
So: I guess I will do it, embrace my humanness.
And not succumb to despair, and fear.
I am also seeing myself better, in that I am seeing what manner of person I am.
I had a vision of Anastasia- as I continue my detaching, and healing, which manifests to her at times, as abandonment, of the man she has feelings for.
In this vision, I finally embraced MYSELF, however- that meant releasing from her- and below her was a great, dark void- and her hand slipped, and she began to fall into the void- except before she left my reach i instantly thrust my hand into the darkness, and grabbed her, and pulled her up from the void, to me.
TO me, this seems as I released her fully- and then, before she was plunged into darkness from it- I grabbed her wrist, and pulled her to myself. Reversing the tables on her? But for her good- because I, too, have feelings for her (I am in love with her).
Later, I began to see her, around me- and me, not under the effects of the spell her sister (And partly her mother) wove to attract me to her.
I see, also, when my consciousness gets to the clone living with her, I will get on my knees, softly touch her leg, ask her to look into my eyes, and then ask her to marry me.
The Wolfen, or one of their kind, wanted me to, "Surrender the crown" I asked, "who would replace me?"
The very worst religious one.
It would be the single worst decision they could make, and a step backwards, so I refused. They are hamstrung by the contract they signed.
It would be the same as plunging the Wolfen into a religious dark age, which would place the tribe into deep alienation from the other tribes, from society, and from virtually anything else- making them a pariah of the lands. I need to know more about it, such as living with them, maybe they can plead their case face to face with me, however, at this time, it seems like the Exact Wrong Decision, with respect to the longevity of the tribe, and places the WOlfen in an isolation dynamic similar to the WOlven, perhaps- to become like them, with "Sacrificing" (Read: ritual murder) of their own kind, cruel rituals, barbarism, sexual abuse, and etc. That's what I see. I do not think they understand the ramifications of, the coercement (Societal duress) of their voting system, and the cruelty of their religious "leaders"- next thing they know their virginal daughters are being murdered to appease some sort of deity- NO.
I have seen what this leads to- unrestrained, needless cruelty and victimization of a compliant populace.
No wonder some are against being armed- it would take the power from a handful of Wolfen people to the rest of them.
Of course the opposite is true- if they were all armed, then there could be some sort of rebellion. I do not believe the answer is returning to the way things were, especially the way darkness has not crept into the WOlfen tribe, and my treatment at the hands of the "Heads" of the tribes- no way in hell would I give authority back to those cruel Wolfen.
For the sake of the rest of the tribe- even if it seems as if they are for it.
I may have foresight they do not have.
Anyway about my own personal development, I am making more progress. Apparently much of it is also in-line with a human lifespan, from what it seems.
I am faced with multiple romantic pairings, both male and female, however I question what I can offer them feminine, as their requirements built within the heart, do not seem to be things I am able to fulfill, presently.
I am about to join a forum for communes, as a sort of handyman, it may be:
1. I become a commune volunteer in order to eventually "own" land there and to "retire"
2. I pester my mother for the million dollar horse
3. I contact my last client, and ask him to go into partnership with me, I would say- 7 years, 8 maximum, and then retirement. This would give me land here in Arizona, and a home. This would be acceptable to me.
4. I strike-out and go live with my friend in Wyoming, and then make my way to California, to live with my other friend, and attempt to build a plumbing company, as many still live in California.
I was told that a big split is heading for the USA: I totally agree with this. We are a highly armed populace, with more weapons than the worlds armies combined, in civilian hands- to avoid a civil war, a large split may be required.
I see:
A deep split to the left wing (Governance by emotion...)
A deep(er) split to the right (Governenance by fact.)
A few Central areas, which is where you will find me!
I find the right to be heartless and cruel, the left, to be mindless and driven by emotion- neither side no longer appeals to me, I wish to stay in the middle.
Some of my spirit, my soul, is admonished, that my time has yet to come.
I have spent forty-four years in spiritual exile. In mindless wandering.
I was listening to, "Think and grow rich" about specific intent- well I lack that.
Should I educate the younger generation on repairing and building? Seek life in a commune? BEcome a wage-slave and try to plan for retirement? Go back to work as if I was a teenager, and hope for the best? Veg out with friends? Seek government financial assistance, which "traps" you- but being "trapped" in a positive scenario, is not adverse. All I would have to do is say that I see wolf people. I would be honest- in some ways I would rather pass on into the next life than go on medication- I see beautiful wolf people and I love them. Why would I want that to end? At times it is adverse, but that is part of the journey.
Back to work on the frame
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 10:02:29 GMT 9.5
I also wanted to show this wolfess. I was tempted, to dismiss her, as just a beautiful, well-drawn wolfess. In reality, something in my spirit asked me to look deeper into her Being, so I did: She, is actually more ordered and sapient than many humans. She is arrayed in stunning clothing, with striking markings, lounging in water, while a bird, relaxes on her should. This is telling- as wildlife that feels "Comfortable" with a wolf tends to know that that wolf is ordered, and benevolent- as wolves can be, not so much that way in real life. She is self aware, may not even identify as "She/her". She wears the marks of duality of her people, her eyes not seeing colors as we see them, to her, it may appear as black and white. TO us, it appears as orange and blue. She may even be a form of shaman. This is a woman in complete control of her faculties. You will not find her, in heat, panting by your door, waiting to throw off her clothes just for the desperate release of raw, visceral mating. (I would never shame such women) If she offers her body to you, it will be a sacred experience. She is every bit as human as a human- just with added instincts, drives, and senses. I have posted, sexy, alluring, sensual anthros, but this woman- she is different. Of interest, I went to my local cantina, and ordered my favorite beer, and meal. Next to me, sat an attractive woman, who ordered a chicken dish, with some to go for her daughters. I did not converse with her, as I was struggling with what I offer women outside of mating, and when the scent of the chicken came to my nose, I realized: her femininity enhanced it. I began to realize, I am not gay, I am actually very straight.
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Post by paul on Mar 30, 2024 10:42:21 GMT 9.5
> had a sense of, a void of good cheer- but that I should place good cheer within that void It looks like the void was in your emotional body. Your emotional body feels stronger now > some dark treachery within my family There seems a dark entity capturing your family. At some stage it may be useful to push heart-light into the dark entity >become a commune volunteer A good idea but not all communes are well aligned with the Light from on High. Some attempt to restore their communities from past lives. The land on which the commune exists is critical in my experience. The grid system of the planet and solar system provides both positive and adverse vertices >pester my mother for the million dollar horse The horse seems to me to be your friend. That may be worth more than money >my last client...land here in Arizona Be careful about both >my friend in Wyoming Feels much better >make my way to California California has significant future problems >"Think and grow rich" My own version is: contribute more value to the planet than I use. That way the planet always owes me Here is one encounter: a406.proboards.com/thread/723/spiritual-sponsors
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 13:30:32 GMT 9.5
Here is one thing that happened 2.5 moments ago.
I was thinking about the wolfen people, and what a disaster it all was, I mean not really, but also kind of yeah, going through the crap, treachery I've endured and etc.
I have connected working through the wolf in the above picture, and she told me earlier today, she will be with me, as I questioned, all the wolves I am with eventually leave me.
She said, I will be with you as long as you wish, but due to time dilation, i might pass on due to old age (a few weeks my time, over a thousand years her time. It explains a lot actually why the wolf people and animal folk grow weary of me it is because they sense me over many years but for me it's just a few weeks. I was shown, this is due to part of my punishment, or the adversity and attack on my soul at the wolf sanctuary)
-anyway
The wolfess said something that really got my attention, she said:
"Have you tried being their friend?"
I nearly had a knee jerk reaction, but I was shown to consider her words.
Well I haven't come up with a solution, yet, to weigh the reality of her words, but my heart tells me she's right
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 14:04:22 GMT 9.5
"You got a cigarette?"
Annah said, crossing her legs, and wagging a foot in the air.
Her cool yellow eyes saw Dave, staring at her large canine paw, rhythmically gyrating in the air, as she sucked on her tongue- the edges of her lips, curving slightly up into a desirous canine smile.
"You don't smoke." He said, cocking his head after shaking it slightly, as he was becoming hypnotized by her powerful paw, wagging, in the air.
She grinned a little harder- her eyes, resting on his head, then travelling slowly down, until hers met his.
She wanted him.
"How do you know?" She said, unfolding her legs, and spreading them slightly, seeing his helpless human instincts begin to take over, as she licked her teeth, only the slightest part of her smooth lips revealing a small, soft sigh.
"Y-Your..." He said, stammering, and then finally settling back into his chair with a sigh.
She, knew, then- that he was indeed sensitive to canine pheromones- likely part canine himself, perhaps in one of his past lives.
Slowly, she licked her lips, and leaned back onto the exam table.
"Your uh, toxicology reports did not indicate any nictine, and no cigarettes or vape machines were found in your dorm.."
"'vape machines'" Annah said with a chuckle.
"You're a square. Aren't you."
She said, feeling he would be an easy victim.
What the hell was she thinking- a twinge of guilt cut through her- just two weeks ago, she was her fathers little girl, pure, virginal, a future filled with light and hope ahead of her.
And a few days ago, she had nearly hung herself, after her naked body was penetrated all over the internet.
She closed her eyes, gritting her teeth and sighed.
What would father think...
She sighed, softly, trying not to let the tears flow from behind burning eyes.
"You're worried about your father- aren't you."
He might as well have slapped her right across the muzzle.
Her expression instantly changed- and for a moment, she took in the scent of fear.
"You're gonna have to call him, at some point."
"I need more vodka."
"It's gin." Dave said, handing her the flask.
She scoffed, a little, "Whatever." scoff and grabbed the flask with a dull tink as her claws clumsily smacked the pewter, glancing at the intricate scrolling on the sides.
It was a wolf.
She closed her eyes, shaking her head, and closed her legs.
~
"Morning." His voice was soft- and she would not admit it until years later...
But it actually soothed her.
Anger, quickly welled up before her face could react.
"What's good about it?" She said, sitting up in bed and glaring hatefully at him.
"Eggs and bacon." He said softly, as her eyes fell on the plate.
She had been smelling it lla morning, but for some reason, her brain did not acknowledge it.
The fear, hung thick in the air.
Did he know?
Had he seen his daughter, gritting her teeth, as some human man, slid into her tailhole, spreading her flesh painfully- which should have been the right of her husband...
The husband that would not want anything to do with... Well. What amounted to a whore.
But they filmed it with a contract- so it was legal- but had she of had sex for money without a camera or contract and damn- the humans would have thrown her into prison, and the crimson letter, would be attached to her name for life.
Fuck, what did it matter.
"I'm not hungry."
"Your stomach was growling all morning."
"It lies."
He grinned, chuckling.
"Well, it's here for you. Ketchup, salt, pepper, aaand... Cholula."
Annah shook her head and snorted through her thick, black canine nose.
"Chlooli?"
"Chololuh. Hot sauce."
"Bleck!" Annah said, wincing, and glaring at the man.
"If you need to call your dad- I have my phone. However, we begin therapy at noon. You up for it?"
"Fuck no."
"Alright, good."
Annah scoffed in bed, the darkness, closing in around her.
~
"How did that make you feel?"
EMotions, thoughts, and desires flooded into Annah's soul, assaulting her gut, and making her angry- once again. She had kept track of how many times he had pissed her off- and the number was already becoming astronomical.
"Hot. Wanted. Attractive. Sexy."
Annah cocked her head, and decided to give him both barrels:
"You know I'm a whore. Right?"
She grinned.
He wouldn't like her much longer... And she didn't give a single fuck.
"You're a prostitute? In the college, or..."
Annah scoffed, and felt like spitting on his floor.
"I fuck men for money."
"...Oh."
There it was.
"I can't get an STD so they fuck me raw. Like the heat. My... tightness." She said, opening her legs a little, and grinning that grin her people were known for, when they were in heat.
But, she was not in heat.
She was seeing how far she could go.
How deep in the depths she could fall into- so maybe her father would just disown her, and she could go sell herself on video...
Her heart saw the timeline: suicide by overdose.
Hey- at least she'd get laid.
She ribbed her knees together, squirming, remembering the man that first fucked her, and getting into that mode- just enough detachment that she reverted to her base feminine desires.
That was all he was going to get.
It was all he deserved.
Her eyes began to glow with a soft, golden fire, as she remembered the pain under her tail, the aching- that began to morph from an awful memory...To one she wanted to feel again.
Punishment...
Annah's right cheek tensed up as she grinned, her fiery eyes, locked onto the helpless human mans, as she began to crave punishment, for being such a bad girl.
"Can I see your phone?"
"Sure." He said, producing it, removing the password, and handing it to her.
Annah leaned back in the chair, glancing up at him for a moment, when she found the ExCoGi website, and emailed the administrator, asking to be picked up from her location.
"What- uh, are you doing?" He said, bending forward, and reaching for the phone.
"Contacting a friend."
Annah had checked out.
Her mind was on sex, now- and the money it would bring.
Eventual overdose...Her heart, however, was pricked with a desire to make her father proud.
Fuck.
That ship had sailed.
"You wanna... Talk to your dad?"
"No."
"You're a prostitute? Like, with a pimp, Annah?"
She scoffed.
"I had sex with a human on camera. Now it's all over the net. Wanna see?"
"No." He said, as she began to try to look up the porn video on his phone.
THough she was stronger than him, he jerked it out of her hands, and set it back in its holster.
"Fuck you, Dave."
"Annah- I am trying to help you."
His words cut through her like a knife- but the coldness that now coursed through her heart, made her look away, as the last remnants of her feminine warmth died within her.
Little did she know- there was so much more left.
~
Annah Pt. 2
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 14:25:42 GMT 9.5
I also was able to make steady contact with my sponsor.
He is not human, but may be partially human.
He mentioned he was waiting for me to reach a level of consciousness before he could interact with me on a bidirectional plane.
I mentioned to him, how I feel about Anastasia.
He said she was... Struggling... (I can feel it.) but, to keep writing stories for her.
She enjoys them.
In doing this I am also made aware, of a desire to connect with her, and allow her heart to fill in the feminine roles, rather than interpreting them through my heart. Or, something "like that".
-Basically, to give her a bigger role in the stories- her heart energy, she may have been longing for this for some time.
To, escape with me, in the realm of imagination, to become immersed in a world I weave, in a story, her. I would say her and I, but right now, she just needs a good story.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 14:27:51 GMT 9.5
"The Planet" I assumed the planet was nature based, and such, planting food for animals as I travelled, is a way to "Pay the planet?" I did not understand your story all the way. Is money part of, "The planet"?
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 30, 2024 14:46:55 GMT 9.5
"No, fuck you." Annah said, the tears streaming down her face.
Dave sighed- though he did it so softly- his ears did not detect it.
But hers did.
"I think it would be good for you. He loves you, Annah, or he wouldn't pay for your way to college-"
"Paid. Past tense. No proud Wolfen housebuilder would want a whore for a daughter."
"Well, first off, that's pornography- not prostitution..."
"Did you look it up?" She said, with a devious grin.
"N-No Annah."
"You want to. I can smell it."
Dave sighed, again, but he knew he already broke the rules by giving her alcohol.
"What if I tell the IRS about you giving one of your patients, vodka?"
"It's gin- and technically it would be the Inainaia board of mental health professionals- they would not be happy about it."
"So let me show you."
She said, her eyes, beginning to glow, softly- as he took them in.
"I mean- hand me your phone so I can call my dad." She said, crossing her legs, and making sure his eyes met her foot, when she began slowly moving it rhythmically in front of him.
"Fine." he said, almost in a whisper, as he unlocked, and handed her his phone.
"Pornhub dot com..."
"Annah- stop."
"Come on, Dave!" She said with a grin, standing to her feet, a good foot and a half taller than him, easily holding the phone above him, as he tried reaching for it, then sat back down, realizing it was a losing battle.
She wasn't just taller...She was stronger.
Wanna see me, taking it up my ass?"
"I don't."
"You do! You think my nose is broken, Dave?" She said, bending into him, and pointing ot her thick canine nose.
"Annah- I am a red blooded man. You are a beautiful woman. I am... Just as much a slave to some of my instincts, as you probably are yours."
"Bla, bla, bla..."
"Annah..."
He said it in such a way that Annah froze, swallowing before she continued her search.
His voice... Reminded her of her father.
It wasn't producing any results anyway.
She tossed the phone back to him, and sat back in the chair.
"Two more weeks, Annah, and I can release you. Provided- you can convince me... You're not a danger to yourself."
"You said your heart."
"My heart?"
"Your heart brought you to me. Why?"
Her ears folded softly against her large canine head.
Dave shook his head, as if he was a bit confused, himself.
"I was in charge of... A project to track the influx of canines into our society..."
Her muzzle fell a little- so they were indeed spying on her. Go figure.
"I must have went through three hundred files, on the wolfen people. I was burned out- just broke up with a woman I thought I was going to marry, so I was vulnerable.
But... then I came across your file. I read it, cataloged it- and moved on. But... I couldn't get your face out of my mind. I... Felt like I was failing my job-"
"You were."
Dave grinned sheepishly, and with a sigh, continued:
"It was your eyes. I think. Your face... You were, one of the low risk, green girls- from a good home, no trauma, loving parents..."
Annah folded her arms and looked away.
"So, when your name came up in the que, as a psychiatry patient and suicide attempt- I made sure I was the one that responded. However... When I saw you, first-hand, my heart skipped a beat- not because I want to, well. You know. It was deeper than just physical attraction."
"You're attracted to me?"
Dave closed his eyes, and turned his head.
"You're beautiful, Annah."
"Cheap." She said, glaring at him.
"I know." He said, softly.
"So you have a crush on me, you wanna fuck me, so you decided to take me to your own private little... Whatever this is."
"It's more than just that, Annah. I can;t explain it. You;re the most special girl I have ever seen, or... Felt. Tell me- you feel nothing in your heart... For me?"
Annah scoffed, looking away.
With a sigh, she examined her heart: yeah, she felt something. He was a horny male- she could smell his lust a mile away, and it had the same effect as any male on her. Yeah- she liked him. She liked him more than almost any human man she had seen- there was a purity about him, a softness...
Annah glanced at him.
"I don't feel shit."
~
"No, I am unable to discharge her." Dave said to a taller human man, with dark hair, and brown eyes.
"Annah!" He said, his face lighting up when he saw the disheveled wolf girl.
"You're not filming her yourself, are you?" He asked, under his eyebrows.
"Our relationship is strictly professional." Dave said, his words so cold it sent a shiver up Anastasias spine.
"Hey girl! You're a star! Can't wait to get you to, 'lift tail' on camera for me, again! ****!" He said.
"One more week. Come get me."
"Marcus." He said with a grin, his eyes sparkling, as he took in the tall wolf girl.
"Marcus. Come get me, PLEASE!"
~
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Post by paul on Mar 30, 2024 15:54:21 GMT 9.5
"The Planet" I assumed the planet was nature based, and such, planting food for animals as I travelled, is a way to "Pay the planet?" I did not understand your story all the way. Is money part of, "The planet"? Just as your human body is being used by the real You, so is the Earth used by a hierarchy of spirits: in order, the planetary elemental, the Earth Mother, the Lord of the World and the Planetary Logos. Each has their own functions and purposes As far as paying your way, the Earth Mother is immediately relevant. She is a deva that brings orderliness to the various intelligences that live as part of this planet. Humans are expected to contribute to orderliness and right relationship and, if suitable, to the higher purposes of the planet These contributions should be greater than the damage the human does through selfishness, distorted relationships and incorrect beliefs
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 31, 2024 2:13:53 GMT 9.5
I had a dream last night I was in jail. It was possibly the longest, most vivid contiguous dream I have ever had.
The warden was a hard man but "fair".
There were many things to do there, including a machine shop, and you could leave at any time. But if you left before your sentence was up, you got into a lot of trouble.
It is interesting to me, that one of my good friends, is serving a prison sentence, and my neighbor, who is a "friend" also went to prison recently.
When I build my van, I want an alcohol interlock to keep me out of trouble, but I wonder what use alcohol is.
After I went to my local cantina, I went and got a 24Oz "High alcohol" beer, and it actually gave me some dark thoughts, however- what good is ignoring those things, or, is that the point? To ignore, and not confront them??
~
Annah looked away, as I rattled on from the diagnostic handbook.
Her legs no longer crossed, her food mildly patting the ground with a soft, pat-pat-pat.
"Marco is coming today."
"I know." I said, softly.
"You think that's the best course of action?"
"It's the ONLY course of action."
The beautiful wolfess said, giving me an angry glance, that hid so much pain.
Deep down, I knew, she could never be mine. Still- I held out hope. Did I like her, just because she was beautiful, even by the harshest human standards?
Maybe.
What did that say about my own development?
Was she, no less deserving of kindness and love, than any human being?
Of course she was.
"Well, I'll release you to him. He submitted the proper paperwork."
"Good."
Annah said, crossing her legs, but not pointing them to me, and wagging her foot absent mindedly in the air.
"I wanna call my dad."
"Alright!" I said, perking up, a ray of sunlight, cutting through the darkness at last.
"I want you to hear this."
"Annah-"
She held a finger, then held her hand out for the phone.
I unlocked it, and handed it to her.
She thought for a moment, the diazepam taking hold, then blinked, and dialed a numbed, padding the "Speaker" icon.
"Annah?"
"Dad."
"Honey..."
Annah turned, closing her eyes, holding the phone away from her, as if it may bite her at any time.
There was an awkward silence, as her eyes welled up with tears, that she could no longer hide, or her voice would not reach the microphone properly- and yet, she remained holding the phone so that I could hear.
"Dad I'm in trouble."
"Honey- what happened- what's wrong?"
"Dad did you see my video?"
AI could feel the heat on her face, and heart her teeth gritt together tightly.
"Wh-what video, honey? What's going on? Do you need to come home? Come home, Annah."
"I- Can't."
She said, unable to control the tears now.
"Why? Come home, honey."
"Dad- I screwed up. It's...Too late." She said, her voice trailing off.
"What happened honey. Tell me. Do you want to talk to your mom?"
"No."
I could feel it in the air, and it broke my heart.
Why did I feel so much for this woman?
Why could I feel her every thought, her every emotion?
"You'll see, dad."
"Honey-"
She hung up the phone.
Absent mindedly, she tossed it to me, though she was overcome with emotions, it was an expert toss.
~
Marco's grin lit up the waiting room- but not with light.
My skin crawled as this beautiful woman, with a soft, but tortured heart, padded her way, ears back in submission- over to him- her smile, at the last moment, as she nuzzled him, letting me know she was leaving for good.
"Annah-" I muttered.
"I'll be here."
~
Annah danced as the music throbbed in her sensitive ears, but she kind of liked the pain.
She knew, her body was only of so much value- and it was about to reach the threshold, maybe- even tonight.
She had met, and bedded, many humans- even some aliens that smelled funny.
The cocaine helped.
And alcohol helped.
It all helped.
And, she was saving up a supply, to go out with a "bang".
She also knew where Marco kept his secret stash, and she also, heard when he would talk-shit about her, the fur got "everywhere" and was hard to clean, after sex.
To him, Annah, went from being a star, to a compliant "dog" he used for sex.
"Annah come here!" He said, and she wagged her tail- as he demanded she do, reinforcing the idea that, she was a low value canine.
She refused to think of the psychiatrist who had given her alcohol, though he plagued her heart- she was far beyond gin in a flask at this point.
"Yes, Macro." She said, stumbling over to him, with that big, wolfish grin that began to scare him.
"Uh- Meet Chris."
Chris had a thing for the wolfen- Anastasia could see it- and smell it- as clearly as she could smell a meat pie.
He eyed her naked body, with that bright, lustful human grin.
From her feet, to her ears, his grinned intensified.
"He has a special offer for you."
"Yes, Marco."
"Have you ever been in a snuff film, Annah?"
Annah shook her head, absent mindedly.
"It pays VERY well. A hundred thousand dollars."
Annahs eyes opened wide- that might even be enough to restore her honor- maybe.
"Yeah, sure."
"It's a bit, ah, rough."
Annah shrugged.
"Like, how."
"You know how, in the movies, when someone dies, it seems real?"
Annah nodded, trying tobe lost in the cocaine. She did not view this conversation as any more serious than any of the others.
"Well, this is just like that. When you get hit, though... it's for real. Does that sound like something you;d be interested in?"
"Sure, Chris." Annah said, falling to her kenes with a laugh, her large, toothy wolfs head, in his face, for a moment, before she fell- casting him a bleary eyed, dark, and drug induced slur, before panting like a dog, just as Marco had told her to do.
~
Annah woke up, strapped to a chair, the euphoric swimming of the drug cocktail having left her hours ago.
"What the fuck?"
"Don't worry Annah, You signed all the proper paperwork."
"What? No I didn't-"
"Marco made sure you knew exactly what you were doing."
"No, I didn't!" She said, trying to pull the restraints, but they were reinforced just for her kind.
"You did."
His voice was suddenly cold, and hard.
"P-Please. I wanna go home."
"That's the spirit. Heh, heh, heh..."
Chris sounded like Chris, but at the same time, he did not sound like... Chris.
The man in the speaker did not sound like the man she had spoken to at the party.
"Come on. This isn't funny. At least give me a bump."
"No bumps, Annah, No anesthesia or pain killers- you specifically specified that- you wanted to feel everything?"
"Feel? What the fuck is going on?"
"That's the spirit, Annah. Good girl." Before he released the microphone button, she heard his cruel chuckle.
"Please I just- wanna go home." Annah said, the tears falling down her eyes, as the doom began to soak into her body.
~
At some point, the cruel torture stopped. Annah lost consciousness- as the last of her hope of ever having a good life- or, at this point- any life- began to fade, just as the light above her, began to fade into black.
She was hit, beaten, cut, even stabbed with... Something.
She passed out- her body- and her spirit- broken.
A long car ride to the mountains, with her coming in and out of consciousness, eventually stopped when the doors opened, her blood leaking out, and her limp body, thrown down a hole.
~
Annah woke up, clinging to a sort of pipe- the light above her, blurry, swirling- and her wounds, burning deep in her flesh.
Tears mixed with blood, streamed down her face, as she struggled to lift a single arm, to grab the next pipe, to pull herself up.
Voices cut through her head- how worthless the canines were- how dangerous, and foolish the wolfen were- how worthless she was.
Something in her, cut through her- she wished for her father- but strangely- she wished for Dave.
"Dave..." She whispered in the darkness, but grasped the next pipe- her fingers nearly slipping from the blood loss and shock, her teeth chattering, her body broken.
Hissing, she slipped, the fresh blood was slippery- and she fell on a pipe, that partially impaled her body.
She screamed.
The human scream, combined with the canine whine, cut into her ears, giving her a dose of energy.
She pulled herself from the pipe, feeling it slide out of her flesh, and grabbed the bar with her last ounce of strength.
~
Annah stumbled, holding her bloody side, the blood leaking from a ragged wound, her sensitive ears, hearing the traffic.
She froze- humans were danger.
If she knew anything- she kenw this, now.
Was her eye swollen shut? Or was it gone?
Fuck.
Tears, again, mixed with the blood on her face.
"God damn it."
For all of her wounds, she felt strangely energized, padding, stumbling- as if drunk, she made her way to the highway.
~
"ANNAH!"
A familiar voice cried out, and she winced when a hand wove its fingers through hers.
"You'll have to wait for the gin."
A voice whispered into her ear.
She smiled, half of her face not functioning, but her eyes bright, and those of a very young wolfen.
"Dafe!"
~
Annah woke up, her mind swimming with drugs- but not the fun ones.
"And that is when Richard said- Rachel, I don't give a damn!"
"Why not." Annah said, her entire body in pain- but she did not care- the drugs were wonderful.
"Annah!" Dave said, softly.
"You're in my cabin in Alaska. Just... FYI."
"Are we gonna make a video?"
"You never have to make another 'video' again, Annah."
"PFFT." She said, looking into his eyes, before the drugs carried her away.
~
Recovery was brutal.
Annah would wince, and grit her teeth, trying not to cry out- her eyes barely open- but watching the human man, who seemed to genuinely care for her.
"It's okay." He would whisper into her ear, holding her up, as her shaking body spasmed in pain.
"They're being arrested- trafficking. Genuinely, it's a huge scandal. Apparently- you're the only one who survived."
Annah's muzzle dipped, a feeling of worthlessness washing over her.
"I-I talked it over with George and Ashah. They both agreed it would be good for you to recover out here, in Alaska. With... Me."
"With you." Annah said, and Dave recognized the paleness of her skin, under her fur, and ran to get a plastic container for her to throw up into.
"It's okay, Annah. It's okay."
He said, gently patting her back as she threw up into the tupperware.
"Why you."
"Because I care about you."
"You're attracted to me."
"Yes- but your beauty does not negative my desire to help you recover fully. If a doctor found you attractive, and never said anything- would you be able to refuse his care? Or, would you rather him be honest with you."
Annah looked away, through a window, as the snow swirled outside.
"I guess." She said, so softly, he almost didn't hear her.
Before the sun would set for the last time, it hovering over the horizon, Annah stared deeply into Daves eyes.
"What happens now?"
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 31, 2024 2:23:47 GMT 9.5
"The Planet" I assumed the planet was nature based, and such, planting food for animals as I travelled, is a way to "Pay the planet?" I did not understand your story all the way. Is money part of, "The planet"? Just as your human body is being used by the real You, so is the Earth used by a hierarchy of spirits: in order, the planetary elemental, the Earth Mother, the Lord of the World and the Planetary Logos. Each has their own functions and purposes As far as paying your way, the Earth Mother is immediately relevant. She is a deva that brings orderliness to the various intelligences that live as part of this planet. Humans are expected to contribute to orderliness and right relationship and, if suitable, to the higher purposes of the planet These contributions should be greater than the damage the human does through selfishness, distorted relationships and incorrect beliefs By this logic, starting a group to assist people who want to learn how to build and repair things, would be the best course of action. I am not giving up on the woman who's heart beats in my chest. If someone in the darkness can be assisted in coming to the light, I view that as a net positive- regardless of income- you said intent is everything. That is my intent. She told me she wished to come into the light.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 31, 2024 2:48:27 GMT 9.5
I handed her a piping hot green tea, as she stood on the balcony, and sipped it, her wild yellow eyes, surveying the vast expanse, when she winced- she may not even have noticed herself expressing it- but I saw it, nonetheless.
"May I read to you again, tonight?" I braved- knowing she was still so vulnerable.
"I'd like that." She said, turned, and padded her way back into my home.
"Can I dress your wounds?"
I said, walking back inside, and shutting the door.
The native had recommended a hundred gallons of diesel for heating- so I paid for five hundred gallons- enough to last several years without human intervention.
Underground, I had a quarter acre of food growing under broad spectrum lighting, while outside, multiple windmills generated electricity, alongside solar panels, and two diesel generators- that charged a hundred and fifty seven thousand watt-our battery bank.
We had all the ammenities of any home in the city.
And, yet- you could only get here with a float plane- or helicopter.
"Can we wait- one more day?"
"Of course." I said, looking into her eyes, as she struggled to maintain eye contact- then finally looked away.
"I know this sucks for you." I said, softly, turning my back, and scrubbing a pot I had cooked her dinner in.
She scoffed, behind me.
"A handsome human man, making me food, reading to me in bed, and caring for me? Yeah. This totally sucks."
I felt my face flush red, when she called me handsome.
I swallowed, and behind me, I could feel her, cross her legs.
god damn it- why did this woman have such a sway on me. I was like putty in her hands- did she know this?
Of course she did.
"Handsome, huh?" I said, turning, my face feeling like it was on fire.
"Maybe." she said, bandages covering much of her body, the puncture wounds, visible still in my mind, though they were covered by bandages.
"I'm kinda getting... Attached to you." She said, with a painful, canine blush.
"Turkey for dinner." i said, her words doing nothing for my blush.
She turned, to look out of one of the large windows, as she sipped her tea.
"Do you like me, Dave?"
I froze, the hot water out of the faucet, burning my hand before I pulled it away.
"I never... Stopped."
"Never stopped what?"
Behind me, the attractive wolfess, leaned back in her chair- her grin, so bright I could feel it, even though my back was turned from her.
"Liking you, Annah."
"How long can I stay here for?" She asked, then winced- partly because she already knew the answer- and was afraid- and partly, because of the bandages on her face.
"I'm not gonna be so pretty with these...Wounds, Dave."
"You are beautiful, regardless, Annah." I said, softly, shutting off the sink.
I walked over to the fridge, and removed the turkey I had been saving.
This meal would take most of the day to prepare- but I wanted it to be extra special for her.
"What if, like, they come back for me?"
Behind me, she shuddered, as I unwrapped the turkey.
"Annah, come with me."
I walked her to a room, hidden behind a trap door, I made sure she watched, as I pulled a book from a tall book shelf, the shelf turning in the wall, revealing a small room, filled with weapons . Rifles, pistols, even khukuri blades. Some grenades, a rocket or two.
"I wasn't always a shrink."
Her eyes lit up, though she waxed feminine under the matte black weaponry, she looked at me, with a submissive, ears-back, sway of her hips.
"Uhhh. Wow."
"Also." I said, shutting the book case, and padding my way to a computer, and switching it on, it instantly came to life, showing all manner of seismic, video, and motions sensors.
"You are safe here, Annah."
She leaned against the doorway, looking off through a window, ears pinned back, a nervous grin on her face, when she looked down.
"You may stay here, for the remainder of our lives, if you wish." I said, gritting my teeth, as I laid it all out for her.
Her soft yellow eyes, fell on me for a moment, when she moved her head- and flowed back into the living room.
"What do you expect of me? What are my duties? Make movies?" She said, with a sheepish grin, her joke wounding her more than it affected me.
"I don't know, maybe as a companion to me? I'll do most of the work-"
"I want to do.. SOMETHING."
I felt her scroll through her memories, recalling how she used to help her father around his home in Icaon.
She grinned that, seductive wolfish grin, and wagged her foot in the air.
"The tractor needs an oil change."
"I didn't mean THAT!" She said, her face suddenly growing worried.
"I'll show you how to do it tomorrow."
"Huh!" She said, crossing her arms.
That evening, after reading a childrens story to her, I crawled into bed with her.
I felt her desire me, to touch her body- but I did not.
She did not need that, right now.
She needed someone, to hold her, through the terrible, waking nightmares, and the dreams, where she cried out in pain, her body tensing up, and spasming.
She needed someone to wake up, in the morning with her, to look into her eyes- and tell her, that she was safe.
That she was going to be okay.
I prepared her tea, and three fingers of whiskey- something I had gallons of- and brought it to her.
"Lazy day?" I asked, as she remained, under her blankets.
"Take it easy." I whispered, kissing her forehead.
"I can bring you your food- don't worry about it. You had a, rough night, last night."
"Yeah. I know. I was there." She said, turning away from me.
"Drink your whiskey."
~
Annah part 5 I think
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Post by paul on Mar 31, 2024 6:53:01 GMT 9.5
By this logic, starting a group to assist people who want to learn how to build and repair things, would be the best course of action. Did you miss the bit about right relationships? They must be present before the building/repair is useful to the Earth Mother To be more precise: It is more important that the work is done with love, than the work is done well
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 31, 2024 8:30:02 GMT 9.5
> had a sense of, a void of good cheer- but that I should place good cheer within that void It looks like the void was in your emotional body. Your emotional body feels stronger now > some dark treachery within my family There seems a dark entity capturing your family. At some stage it may be useful to push heart-light into the dark entity >become a commune volunteer A good idea but not all communes are well aligned with the Light from on High. Some attempt to restore their communities from past lives. The land on which the commune exists is critical in my experience. The grid system of the planet and solar system provides both positive and adverse vertices >pester my mother for the million dollar horse The horse seems to me to be your friend. That may be worth more than money >my last client...land here in Arizona Be careful about both >my friend in Wyoming Feels much better >make my way to California California has significant future problems >"Think and grow rich" My own version is: contribute more value to the planet than I use. That way the planet always owes me Here is one encounter: a406.proboards.com/thread/723/spiritual-sponsorsI have been forced to go on food stamps due to the economy and a total lack of work. My mother finally decided to give me mail that said I won't be getting any benefits for yet another month because I needed to do something, a month too late. I was waiting for an entire month to replenish my food, now it appears as if I have to wait another entire month. I have money for basics, such as noodles and crap food, but I am dealing with a 2 year old. I am unsure why I should rebuke a thing that is driving this family apart? What does it benefit me? A pedophile murderer rapist father, likely 2 years old, violent and cruel A pedophile child eater mother who hates her children One brother who is a woman abuser and filled with demons, absolutely disloyal, wouldn't give me a fraction of his money to bail me out of a dire situation even when I offered him more than ample collateral (worthless human beings, and dangerous) And: the only wise brother, who has NOTHING to do with ANY of us, because he sees what a tragic shit show this "family" is Why should I care if something is destroying this toxic family? Of what benefit is it to me at all? I can FEEL my mothers toxic two year old mentality creeping back in as to why her abused, traumatized son is now going hungry because of her. The excuses and deflection that is ok it's way, Paul! Further, what good is a horses friendship if I am hungry? And, he is "owned" by my violent, cruel mother, who will easily outlive him, making sure whole she "says" he will be "mine", in reality it will never happen. I want nothing but to completely sever ties with this dynamic. What does it possibly gain me, to try to be friends with a violent, perverted two year old who hates me, trapped in a seventy year old body?? Paul, the reason I am so fucked up and struggling like I am is because of these people. I was done a cruel, cosmic disservice by being born into this vicious family. Why would I, in any right mind, want to salvage this? Part of me thinks, I should be enabling that creature to wipe this family out! I am curious as to your reasoning, you have read possibly at least some of what I have written about my experiences with them, what tells you trying to salvage it would do me any good? Or, treat it like cancer and cut it out of my life forever. I have zero confidence in my mother to do anything for my benefit her two year old self agrees with. It is likely she wouldn't let me near the horse anyway because he is a "stallion" and she is terrified of him I am starting to get angry again
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 31, 2024 8:35:17 GMT 9.5
By this logic, starting a group to assist people who want to learn how to build and repair things, would be the best course of action. Did you miss the bit about right relationships? They must be present before the building/repair is useful to the Earth Mother To be more precise: It is more important that the work is done with love, than the work is done well The work I am doing with Anastasia is born from love for her. It feels like I get the "read between the lines" feeling the idea is that I should just discard her, the way my mother discarded, and continues to discard me (and has discarded everyone from her life given enough time) Am I the bad guy for considering her heart in this? For not wanting to wound her, and maintaining hope, that one day I could be a benefit to her? As, she reveals she is attracted to me, and even said she needs me (recently) Am I wrong? Why do I sense hostility against her?
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