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Post by tundrawolf on May 9, 2024 14:27:57 GMT 9.5
I also forgot to add the most important part, the canines have offered me the opportunity to go through canine boot camp
They said it won't be easy, such as running forty miles at a time
However, I want to do it
But I will be an honorary canine after this
Or, at least recognized by them
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Post by tundrawolf on May 9, 2024 16:19:17 GMT 9.5
It also occurred to me that this entire thing was done for the wolf girls
So that the man they are attached to is a better match for them
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Post by tundrawolf on May 9, 2024 21:04:13 GMT 9.5
Ah, ha, so I am seeing swome more of the reality of the situation I am in.
The hearts of the wolf girls, opened up to me, or softened- rather- and I saw their, old opinions of me.
It was heart breaking, as they held little to no respect or admiration for me- perhaps the man I once was- and an amount of suffering I experienced was because, likely from them
I have been so simping for them, pining for them, as they are my ideal women- part wolf, and part human
I think, they knew this before I was born, and they, seeing my entire timeline, set-out before I was born in this world, to infatuate me to them, to connect with them and desire them, from the scent of their feet, to the glow of their eyes
And make me fall head over heels in love with them, especially since they now complete me (make me whole- but whole from the damage they, and their groups, technically caused)
Annah, I believe, and Ladywolf perhaps, asked me, why they felt some rejection from me- I told them, I was feeling their adverse thoughts of the heart against me
But, I understand.
Even just a few years ago, it was revealed to me, that any romantic relationship I would enter into was doomed, because I am selfish (and other reasons)
And, how, I desperately needed these important humanizing downloads-
Is there hope- I hope so.
As I embrace my humanness, learn to love myself and follow the momentum of that, I know the wolfesses soften up to me
I wonder why, why me- perhaps Paul is correct, I am a valuable elemental being, and I was "hijacked" by the groups attached to the wolfesses
The wolfesses also tell me, it is good for their karma- to be kind to me, and to give me the desires of my heart- for them (Such as romantic dates with them, marriage, even starting a family with them.)
Yes, well, I knew there was humiliation, or shame coming- and perhaps there may yet be more- I do not wish to be the weak-minded simp, weak-willed and self hating, glomming onto any attractive face I see, I "hate" that kind- and here I am, almost no better- but I do consider the hearts of the wolfesses, as it is to my benefit to do so, as they can affect me, as they have in the past- when it is bad, it is bad, but when it is good- it is so good.
(For example, when they go into heat, I became inflamed sexually- and I quite enjoy it!)
It is for all of our benefits, for me to be loving, and at peace, with the beautiful wolfesses
I shall draw them. It will help with our mutual unfoldment
The wolfesses also tell me, they like the person I am becoming- "There is no reason to be enemies, or to haste one another- in fact it is beneficial for us to, 'get along'" When she says, "Get along" that means, my masculinity to their femininity, and all of the bonding that goes with it
I think some of their group is at enmity with my group- like there is a war going on between the groups- and I am acting as a sort of go between- I think the original mission of the wolfess-attached groups, was not accomplished, and now the wolfesses are sort of at my mercy, as I wake up and become more conscious, awake
I see I am sort of, "protecting" the wolfesses
I guess it's mnot adverse, they are are attractive, alluring, and good-looking
Like some, sexy, gorgeous Russian spy, sent to seduce
What an interesting situation
Well, I think it is working well, so far, for me to continue work on myself, with the connection to these, dream women- the wolfesses
As I mature I wonder what will come of it
My hope, is that the wolfesses grow with me
And, we become more bonded, and attached to one another- it has the potential, and already is, to me anyway- quite beautiful, though a bit atypical of a romance, such as the eating of your partner
In a way, while I owe it to the groups for harming me, I also owe it to them for my life as well
And, for holding the hearts of some, quite beautiful wolfesses, Ladywolf, Annah, Blackwolf, Nina, Cleopatra, and recently, last night- Rebecca- the king's wolfess wife- she came to my mind as well
And the other wolfesses, the ones who did not grow up with much order, and are off doing wolfess things
In a weird way, this is exactly what I want
Is this in layers? The formerly adverse groups, acting as they did, then me, re-taking my power and authority from them, and befriending some in them, at the end of the day we are all just "beings"- such alliances are not unheard of- and may even pave the way for future cessation of hostilities on both sides
It goes back and forth it seems.
Former adverse groups attack, I attack back, etc, and things are becoming aligned and peaceful- I do well to be aware of the soft hearts of the wolfesses- and to keep them in mind, so I do not accidentally trample over them! As I have so often in the past! Which hurts them and makes them irritated- not a positive scenario! Making the hot, powerful wolf-girls you share a heart with- angry at me! Hell hath no fury... And, how much fury I had collected in my past, but unaware and not knowing! I can feel their hearts, shifting to, a more compassionate way, with their feelings, thoughts, and heart twords me, this is good!
Well, it is okay, and good- we are airing this out- and I am being given a chance, to bond and grow closer to my wolfesses
This is difficult, painful- but also good
I am quite attracted to them, on many levels
They are my thing
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Post by tundrawolf on May 9, 2024 21:44:53 GMT 9.5
It goes like this:
MY FEAR OF LOSING THE WOLF GIRLS: (Break up, etc.)
OMG NOOO
I check-in with my fearful heart- and I genu8inely ask the wolf girls, how do you feel about this?
Then, they open up to me- and say, you are an attractive human man, with a good penis, and a softening heart for us- who adores us- and wants to satisfy us in every way a man can- why the hell would we want to divorce you- plus, we share a heart- there are other wolfesses who are envious of our connection!
Then, my heart is comforted.
And then, the cycle repeats- however, this is me learning about my love interests
PRevious to this, it was raw, blind lust that attracted me to them- not that there's much wrong with that
But that is also the "old" me- the new alien who does not know how this realm works fully, yet, and that I have more growing to do
I wonder what the original plan was, to destroy me? With adversity?
The wolfesses had to know, if I survived the trial, that I would be falling in love with them
Perhapsd- some of them secretly hoped I would fall for them
Their plan is unfolding nicely then- because my entire heart, wishes to be with them physically
God, they are so fucking beautiful
If men's eyes could only behold
The things I have seen..
And felt.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 10, 2024 7:18:24 GMT 9.5
As I mine out the relationship with the wolfgirls/people, and I penetrate deeper into their hearts- that were walled off previously from the fear, things become complicated
It goes back and forth.
I pulled back, twenty some odd years ago- the girls pull back- I pull back, they pull back, until we are with our backs to the walls of the heart
I am making significant progress in healing, in positive thinking, the neural plasticity is beginning to set in, and I am seeing freedom
I remember years ago, after the emergence or attack on my clones, a spirit left me
And, it felt like it hit my head with a baseball bat with some force- as I awoke
Why such hatred?
I can understand, the man I was, if he was causing harm to those around him, or hated by the enemy group, who is now warming up to me
I had only religion to explain it, rather than science
I learned a lot about the wolf girls today.
Their inner heart beliefs, feelings, about me, etc
Is this what's known as a relationship?
A relationship with wolf girls
At least they're easy on the eyes
It takes effort, to push intot he fear that protected me, from the girls, when they attacked my clones, however it seems as I push into the fear, that I am rewarded for it- but it goes against my instincts, probably for self preservation
I pulled back, and reduced some of my momentum
Today was another day, post-alcohol, but filled with a very present contentment and joy
I really wish to draw the wolf girls. Perhaps them and I, on separate sides, of a heart.
I was shown, my heart is adverse to them, and that I should be more "airy" in my thoughts about them, to grant them freedom, perhaps I attacked them back with my heart, and was not aware of it, and it created an environment where, they did not feel comfortable, approaching me
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Post by tundrawolf on May 10, 2024 9:47:53 GMT 9.5
An interesting thought ocurred to me,
i was, "Given over to the devil" "Fallen into the hands of the living god" ripped to pieces, pierced through, torn apart, across multiple already suffering clones, things went from bad to unbelievably horrific instantly, at the wolf sanctuary
However this thought just happened:
Had it not have happened, I would be forever, enslaved to fear of, the "devil" or a cruel god
By plunging me into it, immersing me into the adverse circumstances, I would not have confronted my fear
Yes- I love the wolf girls.
Yes, in a atypical way, they are both the women of my dreams, the women of my heart, beautiful, attractive, it takes effort to align with them, and to better myself, for them
There are a number of views of these events that have consumed my life especially the last twenty something years, good, and bad, but it feels good in my heart, to work for right relationship with the wolfesses, and to be creative in my heart for them, stories, art and etc, I have several classes of udemy for drawing, and I may finish this van, and use it as a udemy education center for drawing, and draw what is in my heart to draw, animalia, Wolfen people, etc
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Post by tundrawolf on May 11, 2024 1:18:51 GMT 9.5
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Post by tundrawolf on May 11, 2024 14:23:29 GMT 9.5
Is it the polar event/northern lights about today?
It has been, another monumental day of self discovery.
I asked myself too- why can't I just be at peace with the wolf people who are attached to me?
Why can't I just rest in positivity with them?
Why is the default, always fear?
I was given two positive visions with Ladywolf. I am unsure why Annah is distanced from me, outside of, maybe she needs a break- or she is respecting my desire to get to know myself and heal. It could be a bit of both
I am seeing more of myself- and why this experience has been so adverse- I was saved- unable to self terminate- and yet a significant portion of my being was given over to adverse forces, who held negative opinions of me- but I am more powerful than I thought- however there is yet more to uncover, to accept, to take back, to do
I also saw something interesting today, an adverse group I thought was my enemy was not- they told me, they had to protect themselves from me, because in my confusion, I could harm them, so they appeared as, "the enemy" (to me)
Interesting.
I am also seeing a part of my tenure here, is being spent as a sort of protector for the animal people, and animals in general, as I am heart-connected to them. Some of the things I see are hard to accept- mainly how the animal people default to a sort of, human like acceptance of adverse circumstances, rather than FIGHTING
They are also evolving and gaining access to higher realms
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Post by paul on May 11, 2024 14:40:57 GMT 9.5
>They are also evolving and gaining access to higher realms
It is said that a million years ago the door was closed that allowed animals to reincarnate as humans. This was to promote refinement in the Earth humanity.
Recently the animals that work most closely with humans (dogs, cats. horses and elephants in India) are said now to be permitted to enter the human kingdom. No doubt there are prerequisites
Where I live quite a lot of the women with small dogs, say that the dog thinks it is human.
Some dogs can comprehend and act on various sentences: e.g. come inside now; stay on the driveway....
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Post by stewartedwards on May 11, 2024 22:28:06 GMT 9.5
> Some dogs can comprehend and act on various sentences: e.g. come inside now; stay on the driveway.... As can some cats and some snakes, as I have extensively explained years ago. A ‘telepathic type’ connection works best, but you have to connect at a heart level. Verbalising what you are doing seems to be a side effect.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2024 14:59:13 GMT 9.5
I see I am romanticising being a victim
But, what of it- what's a way out?
I tried the heart exercise against a tree, however when i attempted it, I saw a darkness wrapped around a twisted, strained me, and it was chased away- but that was all the progress that was made (it's back anyway)
I drank alcohol and got self destructive, having fun on my quad, the scum that moved into the developed houses, who call the cops on me for traffic violations even the police admitted to me, they are all also guilty of
Typical, hypocrisy of the older generation
I thought about going out in a blaze of glory
My best friend broke my heart, he is the only human male I have ever loved, this is after all that
But told me I am "just a friend" and got someone else- rejection
Do I really like men, though?
I do not.
Not humans, anyway. I use them for sex, sometimes, but their lack of development and maturity is a turn off, it seems they are all in their individual worlds, caught up in societal normas and not honest with themselves about anything, like I am trying hard to be- honest- with myself
I was told, my part-wolf human looking woman has begun to connect with me, but it seems as if, I am being tested again, and I cam caring less if I fail
I did not know this was, "mothers" day in the USA
I woke up this morning, feeling fully, the vileness my mother betrayed me with
It is, on a level of cosmic violence that is unheard of in this realm
I was, so distraught over it, it took a few hours to recover from the truth of it
I did not learn it was, "mothers day" until later, when my notifications came up
I also, struggled with my ex girlfriend, and nearly texted her from a different number, the vile spawn that vomited forth from her loins, the cruel, vile, lying, robbing, murderers that her sons are, That she molested them too, and it likely would have destroyed her, as she once told me, I changed her life and she "loved" me
But then her son and her, robbed me
I will get some whiskey, and I will likely be bedridden for a while, I don't see much point in keeping pressing on
It has never been this bad, five months and onyl two calls for work, the money is dwindling, back to thoughts of poverty, or going on the government dole etc, I am trying to be positive
I was trained so terribly well by my parents to bathe in negativity, it is hard to keep my head above water
It is "easy" to stay in the realm of my parents, as their ancestors help me, but their path is one of nowhere
I texted my mother- happy mothers day, and she responded with her usual dry brutality
I didn't mean a word of it.
Her boyfriend saw me working in the shop, trying to prepare a kart to walk the dogs as I am wounded, he waved but did not stop by- I was going to tell him- you do not need someone in yuoru life who eats their own children
And leave it at that
My mother also, dressed in a beautiful, flowing white dress, tended to her horses-
I realized, God prefers a good heart- rather than outward beauty
I was filthy, stinking, unkempt, as I usually am naturally- like a wolf- and saw that I was preferred above her- because I was teachable, as the bible says, god is near to a broken heart
Whatever.
It is also a dance to let these puppies go, as 80 percent of the time i love them, and 20, I want to kill them all, but it is a deeply spiritual task, to release them, as I could feel their deep spiritual connection to me, even before they were born
There is a tribal saying, "Show me the child and I will show you the man" or something
It applies to canines, as I have their personalities understood, and they are only a fek weeks old, 21
As far as canines understanding humans, I have not met an animal that did not- only ones that could sense my turmoil and were too afraid to listen to me, but they understood- such as some horses- just did not obey out of fear
Language is a powerful thing, and combined with heart intent, communicatring with animals for me, is easier than speaking with humans, who often are clouded by the decaying societal shame based inner thoughts that don't align with their words, or more- with the sapirit of what they are trying to say
So often their words come to nothing
However, animals are clear, and pure
ANother rewason why, this merging of animal with human, may be for the purification of humanity, with the much older animal
As I became aware, the animals, are sometimes corrupted by being attached to a human personality- shame is a common theme
And, this breaks my heart as the animal folk sometimes to dnot love or accept themselves
Which is my malady too, apparently
A part o fme, just wants this shit to end
My suicide cylinder was, calling to me
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2024 15:19:05 GMT 9.5
I was warned about the suicide cylinder
It would attract spirits of suicide and make it more likely- I have not filled it yet
However, without it, I have no hope of an acceptable end
On my terms
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2024 15:23:26 GMT 9.5
Also before this, a few days ago, I was talking with my mother, being frank about some religious stuff, she said "I love you" and I felt forced to say it back though I did not mean it- because she also did not mean it- though she meant it, as much as a broken 2 year old, too scared to actually love anything other than self, can love someone- who has done so much damage to me, without knowing it- not a true statement from her- and other women have said it to me in order to pull it out of me, "I love you"- when it is fake- just ot hear the words
I felt incredibly guilty about it, and beat myself up over it for a day and a half- no doubt my mother was riding on a cloud- in her own world
I felt ill, like I had betrayed myself
Next time someone says it, unless I feel they mean it, I will respond with, "OK" or, "Airght"
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2024 16:06:26 GMT 9.5
On some good note, the Freemasons lent me today, some positivity
I saw them, as a sort of brotherhood
I took it, and put it in myself
I saw, and connected more wiht my highest self, who is strangely, hibernating/asleep, not all of the functions are available
However, they have vast authority
I asked the puppies a few tiomes, to begin praying for good homes
They have begun saying goodbye to me
I think this is the natural separation process
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2024 16:59:07 GMT 9.5
Alright,
My girls (The wolf girls) came to me, and asked me not to commit suicide. They said they needed me (alive) Annah also showed me herself, and she is, a beautiful wolfess
I also have an idea ot paint the two wolf girls on the back of the van, one half, Ladywolf on the left, and Annah on the right, and neither really wanted to look "angry", but "intense" and Ladywolf softened herself and said, I could paint a scary grin on her muzzle
I am feeling more calm and connected
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Post by paul on May 13, 2024 17:25:03 GMT 9.5
>I am feeling more calm and connected
Good!
Suicide merely delays your progress until you have mastered your next incarnation
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2024 23:51:50 GMT 9.5
This morning my heart, felt "healed" from the suicidal thoughts
I asked it how it felt it said it felt that I rejected it (It felt rejected)
I felt a connection, like a sort of bone, and I tried straightening it, it partially worked, and allowed heart light to come through
I Pushed heart light through the dark blockades
The puppies are also responding well
I also saw more ways I am adverse to the canines in my life, (yesterday) especially the half human ones, and moved to be better for them (Less adverse, more positive to them)
Today I think I will take pictures of the puppies and list them, I felt a joy in my heart about selling them
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2024 3:03:45 GMT 9.5
I am going through some, sober-minded looking at the wolf girls/people
I was, drunk in a romantic aura about it, it is obvious- that I am so in love with them, and sharing a heart with, at a minimum, Ladywolf, (I am not clear on how many I share a heart with, or if the ritual of death had to be repeated all the way intot he inner earth with Blackwolf, etc.)
Saturated in a spell of love, for these majestic, attractive, sexy wolfesses
But, I am going through a sober minded accepting of it- yes, I had several visions of a wolf woman
Yes we share a heart
Yes, she completes me
And yes, I had to work with her for a bit because she was a bit sore at me, or all the wolf girls once considered me to be adverse, and in honest self introspection, I did discover, I indeed had problems, from bad raising, but society, bad genes, curses etc
This is good. I am also, keeping the wolfesses in heart and mind- so that I do not hurt them, if I pull away too fast. It is my hope, that I can pull away, grow, heal- and return to them, better than ever, as someone they want to be with
I have a feeling Ladywolf will always be with me. (in some form)
I had a good feeling about it all, earlier this morning. I had been waiting for that.
It seems in the midst of my worst turmoil, was, when I was least worthy of the wolf girls pure hearts
I am also seeing the actual wolf girls, who they are "really" (Their personalities, lineages, humanness, etc)
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2024 5:02:57 GMT 9.5
I think I have passed some sort of test and mileastone
Thje suicide thing may have been a part of it
I am seeing a lot of things clearing up, including detaching from the familial curses, clearing up of thinking, etc
Also am seeing, I am actually giving the wolf girls, and animalia, my hbumanness! i am humaniziing them
What it is in my heart to do, (to give animal people sovereignty and humanness/individuality, on the same par as humans) is actually within me, I can give them this gift, in fact, it is one of my goals!
It seems as if it "all" is within me
I am reading up on some gnostic understanding and that is the theory that makes the most sense
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2024 9:34:10 GMT 9.5
Some things I am seeing today,
My mother, being a two year old human in an "adult" body- when she "had" me- used me as her, sexual partner, spirit, emotional mate, however- also being vicious and vile, as women can get when they Are abused, she, when I failed her- in whatever capacity she felt failed, she destroyed me, and ripped my self worth out of me- likely at a very early age- and then toyed with me for the rest of my life, until age 40, when god sent a man who saw it, to tell me, what she was doing to me- using her maternmal connection to torture her firstborn
And how it's not technically her "fault" because she's just a 2 year old
I see how, if I do end up leaving this ranch, it must be an organic departure
And not one of fear
I am seeing more things about the wolf girls- and strill, hold onto hope that I can feel that heart connection again
But in real life, in positive circumstances, that is a positive experience for us
I am seeing, and re-cla9iming more of myself
Seeing, I did this to myself- with other beings "helping"- possibly the ones that seemed adverse? But were actually helping me?
I would be, totally lost and living in fear and the same egotistical vicious selfishness my mother live sin, herself- as she is the one who taught or programmed me!
And, tkaing "myself" back
Trying to respect myself, but am not able to see enough of myself yet to wrap my mind aorund it, but am progressing
Working to give the animal people, their own version of my humanness, so that they can gain sovereignty within their hearts- it was placed in my heart, for them
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