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Post by stewartedwards on Mar 16, 2024 23:23:46 GMT 9.5
Like the film Constantine. I watched this Paul, and enjoyed it, but did find it a bit weak, as did others hence why there is no second series. The viewing numbers just weren’t there. Sometimes I think that soft disclosure through film is a nonsense, but then I ask myself what I would do if I owned a film company. I would educate, which could be seen as soft disclosure.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 1:31:01 GMT 9.5
Like the film Constantine. I watched this Paul, and enjoyed it, but did find it a bit weak, as did others hence why there is no second series. The viewing numbers just weren’t there. Sometimes I think that soft disclosure through film is a nonsense, but then I ask myself what I would do if I owned a film company. I would educate, which could be seen as soft disclosure. I heard there was a second Constantine coming out? Someone here told me, there is more truth in fairy tales, than there is in our history books- from what I am learning recently, this is actually true. There is so much history that has been lost... If an entertainment medium can spark peoples genetic memories via "fiction", then those ancient experiences, beings, and dynamics are given remembrance- even if it is "fake". I remember growing up, I was so in love with cartoon animal people. My first romantic crush (though i did not know what romance was, at the time, just that I felt a strong attachment to) was Aslan, the lion from the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I couldn't wait to watch saturday morning cartoons, with talking animal people- my heart swelled with love for them, even though a cold part of me, said, "They don't exist. It's just a fictional cartoon." Only to find out, March of 2021, not only DO they exist, but they are everything my heart has ever wanted, at least in this lifetime. I know it has been frought with drama, but I cannot put into words what I feel, when I think of Anastasia. So, when a company decides to make "talking animal people" or some other dynamic such as Constantine, there is, for me, a spark of reality with that. I can't help but think, it is true for many other people too, who cannot put their finger on it- but somehow, know they are NOT watching "fiction", though their "rational" (LOL) minds tell them it's "not real". Like the artist depicting horror I linked to, the needless suffering of purity and innocence, his art os horrific- and, yet, I believe those things are happening, and he gives those afflicted, a voice- so they will be remembered. But a more "rational" person would say, his art is "Sick", "cruel" and "Horrific"- he is helping those innocent lives, be remembered and not forgotten- and hearts inflamed with a righteous desire to alleviate unrighteous suffering
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 5:32:03 GMT 9.5
Each new level, seems to bring with it, new and higher challenges, difficulties, and beauty.
I was walking back to my home, when I realized, I needed to let Anastasia go: in order to have her own destiny, outside of me.
I repeatedly say this, with my heart- aching.
However, this time, she came to me- and outlined: Letting me go, means no more demanding sexual energy from me.
No more foot/paw passion.
There is a side of her, that doesn't know if she wants to live without me.
I am also seeing, the relationship dynamic between male/female in the Wolfen world, is actually the divine feminine my mother tried to "teach" me, that I have viewed as a horrendous curse- that humans are far from- that has ruined my sex/relationship life with women until now.
Such as, male Wolfen, failing to treasure the divine feminine- because their courtship, mating, and marriage dynamic, revolves around the male, being the master. Or, "owner"- and the feminine, being, sort of captured by them as a servant, or worse- a slave.
However, looking out, the relationships work well- and they do- however- some females- feel victimized, "Deep down"- which is what my mother tried to foist inside of me when I was a child, "So I would not make the same mistakes" and to, "Honor a woman" except- she is two years old, so to her- the thing she actually imparted to me, was so toxic, it robbed me of a healthy relationship.
As I go through this, I realize, if I was the most conforming to this world, "me"- untraumatized- I would not be on this journey I am on, which seems to have a high magnetism to it: In other words, in the highest ways, it seems as if the horror I endured, and the suffering- brought me to this supernaturally wonderful place- that I would be dead to, had I not of gone through what I went through.
Anastasia, and I, went through a lot today, and she told me, "I do not want to suffer as you have." And I told her, "But I have. I will help you."
This was before the sex revelation with her.
She, has the opportunity, to follow my footsteps, on a path that, brings here, to where I am at.
And- while I was in the shop, working on giving this machine I repaired back to the owner (And getting Paid) Ascended Anastasia- visited me, and she comforted me.
She has chosen a higher path- but she cautioned me- she cannot give me too much of her- I need to keep "Striving", and not resting in the fact that there is a gorgeous wolf-girl in higher places, waiting for me to get to her.
I am disconnecting from her, and the wolves.
It is easier than it would have been, because, I embrace myself- and choosing myself brings me relief from torment. And gives me everything I have wanted- but inwardly.
Anastasia told me I needed to disconnect from her- but that it would HURT- and I said YES IT WILL- however, LET'S GET IT OVER WITH.
The sooner, I embrace myself, let you go- and get ON WITH IT- the SOONER I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN.
So, that makes it easy.
Or not- depending, the decision is difficult for her to make. I have tremendous empathy for her- if it is, "Not worth it" for her, she will continue her life as is, and I will continue mine, finding myself.
I also discovered another, larger feminine presence, that is my "true mate"- who, when I was courting Anastasia, became concerned I would forget about her.
I asked hwy not reveal yourself, then? She said, "Because you love her." and she did not want to come-between it.
Yesterday, I became vexed, and prayed to God, to help me with Anastasia- because I am having to disconnect from her- and I wanted her (and me!) to be okay.
Because, I love her.
He said, "Just love her." His voice was quickly drowned out by static, however, the implication was that, I was NOT LOVING HER.
Yeah, but I want to suck her toes- what more does a guy need to do?
lol.
I know, I am falling so short, in properly, loving the girl from a much higher dynamic.
From a cosmic one. Even divine.
The proper place to love her from, is deep within the darkness- and it is a place I am scared to go- however- I am turning to face it, regardless.
I feel the answers are on the way.
My canines are doing exceptionally well.
It turns out, their bodies were designed to heal themselves.
God also put peace in my heart for their restoration.
So, the saga continues.
When divine/cosmic ascended Anastasia came to me, she was beautiful- but she hid her face. She was a tall, long-legged, white furred wolf woman in high heels, and a red dress. She sauntered up to me, in my minds eyes, and bent down, and gave me a kiss.
Could be, she is moving on- though my heart would be wounded if so- however- it is better for her to be free.
I saw drama in the future, with her and I. Where it, doesn't "work", or, where it is frought with drama.
In many ways, i am unsure of how this will end:
All I know is that I love her.
In some way, she will always be my light in the darkness... My wolf in red.
This has become a journey of letting go.
While in the shop, I re-looked at the frame of the van, and began removing small parts to paint it, and I was given a fresh new vision for finishing it.
I was asked, by an adverse being, to bend a body mount- I hit it with a hammer, but it was not enough, so I bent it, and it asked to bend it more- but I refused. It needed to be un-bent.
However, I was asked to do this by the divine, though I was adverse to it.
Sort of like a sacrifice. I guess.
I remember Terrence McKenna talking about sacrifice. He said, if smashing his glasses is considered a proper sacrifice, he will smash his glasses to bits.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 10:15:21 GMT 9.5
Interesting to me.
I have fought my gut instincts about Anastasia- I know better than to do this, however, this is a matter of the heart (literally.)
So, I was in a parking lot, when a questron was asked to me, "If Anastasia was the best version of herself, what would it look like, if you were the best version of yourself- but that was the best for her, and you, both?
Interesting.
There is a part of Anastasia that wishes to be male.
I have made more progress in getting free.
I wonder how much is a trick, how much serves one side, and how much, serves the other. (Positive/negative)
Things have come full turn.
Anastasia is now facing her karma, for what she did to me, and a part of her is afraid.
However, I am endeavoring to find a solution where-
-I am set free to be myself
-Anastasia is not injured unduly (When I break free of her, she is injured by it, and it causes her pain. Slow breaks away, spare her of this. So, I am forced often, to move away, slowly)
-It is best for Anastasia- I.E. she is not left lonely, or broken hearted.
I was asked, to focus on the part of her, that wants to be with me. Nurture it, minister to it, connect with it, and invest in it (DO not abandon it. It wants to be with you [me].)
I continue to work with the beings around me, to not abandon some of them, even though they were adverse, to make arrangements that are positive for them- such as the versions of myself in the underworld- to bring positivity to those places, even though they were merciless and cruel- oftentimes we end up wanting to change our ways if the circumstances also change.
But, I am also trying to be invested in myself first- I am not there, yet.
It ios difficult when, you are involved with so many complicated matters- and share a heart with a woman who was once adverse- and may choose to remain neutral- at best- while also remaining invested in her- if she so chooses to evolve, herself.
I also see the wolfen tribe- some of them are actually taking my advice. I was shown, this is the dawn of a new evolution for the ones who choose to remain in the tribe.
The artwork on the websites I enjoy, will begin to reflect this. (Anthro/feral relationships. Sadly, presently, even the anthros are prejudiced against the ferals as somehow being, "lesser"- they are out of their centers, and embracing human prejudices, against creates that may actually be superior in nearly every way.)
I am also beginning to pack my bags on this ranch spiritually and emotionally, while also, leaving some mercies and hope for my mother- not abandoning her like she did to me.
I am also aware that because she was my "first" I am still spiritually connected with her as a mate.
This is wrong.
So, I am also beginning to detach from this dynamic.
Also, can you imagine, if I was healthy, married, with a career, a family, a home, if I started having visions of sexy wolf women. And, if they appealed to something in me so primal it eventually took over my life...
There would be a divorce.
I might be forced to go on medication that would close the door to the spiritual.
I would make no progress- and would not only lose my family
I would lose myself
Possibly die of substance addiction to numb the connection with the ethereal, because I have lost everyone, and everything, everyone who knows me whispering, I "lost my mind" "Seeing werewolves"
Instead of what I am experiencing now.
In a way, the situation and circumstances I am in, free me up to get in touch with the higher/highest me, whereas if I had a "good life" i would be absolutely fucked to embark on the journey.
My wife, would one day be complaining about how all I do is talk about "The wolf woman", and end up having an affair- and leave me shortly after, taking the kids, because I "Have mental issues."
Way to positive reframe it!
I went out, and enjoyed an hour at my favorite cantina, had my favorite food, flirted with the bartenders, and asked myself, if I had anything to offer them, aside from a hard dick.
Speaking of hard penises, Anastasia showed me, she has an avatar, a human version of herself.
She will bring her to me, if I am ready- to get to know her, to learn about who she is.
I told her, I would wait to meet her.
It also frees me up to be with human women.
And to learn right relationship with the opposite sex.
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Post by paul on Mar 17, 2024 10:33:02 GMT 9.5
>when a question was asked to me
I have that process of words forming in my mind. I had it for a decade before I could identify the source. It turned out to be an entity that was my physical father as recently as 26 000 years ago.
He has been promoted past this planet but still has contact when I ask
The sources are more complex these days. Perhaps my "hearing" is broader spectrum
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 12:37:04 GMT 9.5
>when a question was asked to me I have that process of words forming in my mind. I had it for a decade before I could identify the source. It turned out to be an entity that was my physical father as recently as 26 000 years ago. He has been promoted past this planet but still has contact when I ask The sources are more complex these days. Perhaps my "hearing" is broader spectrum I'm sleepy
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 13:02:21 GMT 9.5
I'm not abandoning my future
I'm waiting for you
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 22:27:30 GMT 9.5
I have good news
I found the way out.
Paul was correct- it is loving and accepting myself.
This entire trip, made sense this morning- the adversity, everything
I watched a podcast where it was explained, without adversity, you end up in an endless perpetual loop of existence
And,
If you are afflicted, it is the universe showing you areas that need to be healed- that otherwise would have died in you
It all made sense.
The canines, me, everything.
I saw myself, merged with the canine, and I was a white/yellow furred, anthropomorphic canine person!
However, that form was limiting- also however- it was uplifting the spirit of canines- so I allowed it- it is an aspect of, "me"
I moved on from that, and saw higher versions of myself.
There is so much negativity. I pushed positivity into it- but I was constantly overwhelmed
I tried- and kept trying-
A voice said, "YOU HAVE COME SO FAR!"
I think, my end self- as at the end- calling to me, pulling me, urging me- not letting me give up
It is why I did not give up.
He used Anastasia- as a means to uplift me and give me hope.
It is good.
The canines are joining a collective of eternal god-beings for the first time
I am their guide. (Their helper, assistant. I think the highest me is grateful they were of use- and is rewarding them by this.)
It may be, Anastasia moves on, finds a partner who is better for her, in the end.
It may also be, that is just an aspect of her- and that she will choose to be with me- as a guide for me.
I saw Anastasia- fully evolved, and guiding me, giving me hope, encouraging me, and being a positive light, as I worked this morning.
She is a good girl.
There is, still more work that needs to be done- but I saw the way out this morning. And, it was good.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 22:51:24 GMT 9.5
Also, I had a dream where my old pastor was there. He passed on a few years ago- but he was there, having me "fix" something. I was irritated in the dream.
Before that, was another, I was in an older but, "nice" home with big windows, with people I tolerated. I got away from them, and went upstairs, to go to sleep in the big bed.
My father, also was in one of the dreams- but as a supporter, a helper- but there was not much love there- he was just showing himself as positive.
So, this is giving me a bit of a springboard to launch from, but from a positive foundation, rather than the negative one that has been my life until now.
There is still work to do- but I see the future as beautiful.
Ironically, I am struggling with Anastasia.
We are, unbalanced- "distorted"- and not fully at peace with one another.
Part of me being transformed into a canine being-person, (anthropomorphic being) was to, minister to her, such as the Jesus myth, when he was transformed into a human to empathize with humans.
So it was for me, being transformed into a canine, to connect, and empathize, and resonate, with canines- and my love interest- the attractive Anastasia.
Also- oh yeah, glad I remembered this:
So, I was forced into the underworld, using cloning, and matter transporting technology.
Anastasia, as she joins me on this journey- and I see her now, holding my hand, and following me- just behind me- I am paving the way for us.
Some groups from the underworld, began to speak with me yesterday, as I was drinking (And in a great mood, as happens when I drink, plus the enchiladas were fantastic, as per usual.) and they asked me to release Anastasia to them.
At first I was like HELL NO, you cannot have her!
However, they then softened up a bit, and showed me:
I was forced to be in their midst, in very adverse circumstances
However
Anastasia, would walk willing to be with them- she is one of them- and they would welcome her.
IN short, I am a victim, she- would be a queen!
They said, we would take care of her, and she would be treated like a Goddess, and rule over us. We would return her to you- as royalty (Essentially. Things work differently in some parts of the underworld, than they do up here on the surface.)
The sex in the underworld, can be actually very good- better in some ways than up here.
I looked down the timeline, when she walks out from the darkness, and she is an empowered queen wolf woman.
With a smile on her face, but that, darkness in her- has been embraced- and tempered
She is worried about it- but only because of the lies that have been told to her about it- similar to what has been told to Christians.
She may embrace it, she may not- but if she does- she will be empowered- she will be the "head" and not the "tail", she will be the Alpha- no longer the Omega- and she will rule over her people- if she chooses.
Basically, she is already a badass- but when she chooses this journey- she will be a warrior queen, and a goddess, with connections deep in the underworld.
I was shown I have connections deep in the underworld, that others do not have, because I have endured adverse things. Many avoid these things- understandably.
I am being shaped up to be a great "help" to higher realms, who may also need to go through similar things here.
I have a feeling Paul has gone through similar things, which is why he understands these things as well as he does.
I may be trained to be another, "Paul" like on this forum.
However, I also want to be alone, to heal. Anastasia, of course- may be by my side- perhaps at a distance, until my me comes together, and becomes whole.
Also, my canines are healing.
I am, amazed. TO me, watching their wounds heal- is a literal miracle.
I was told, to have "Faith in their creator"- the one who made them (Canines) and imbued in them, innate healing abilities.
I was told, to have positive faith and hope- for their wholeness and healing.
They are doing VERY well.
THis only confirms what I have discovered- that cleaning out wounds is detrimental to the body- with one caveat- her wounds began smelling like rotting flesh, after a few hours- so I applied some hydrogen peroxide- 2 applications- and neosporin- and it went away, and then they began to heal.
So, initial help is needed- at first. However, had I of kept applying it, I believe she would not be as far along as she is.
When I used hydrogen peroxide on my own wounds- they would almost always get infected.
My heart continues to palpitate. I have the resources for surgery- but the "fear of dying" is at play- I know I need to get over it. There is a fear of dying from the issue, too!
I have been trying to treat it myself, and may be related to my teeth.
The issue only got bad when I rinsed out the black goo from my cavity.
It is absolutely clown world backwards, teeth are not treated like the seat of health in the body. Instead, as in capitalism, this is one thing I give to socialism- dentists, like nearly every doctor and health worker in capitalist societies- have dollar signs in their eyes.
It is easily to delude yourself into truly believing you are rewarded for doing "good"- but if you were the saint you thought you were- you would be healing people, and animals, without pay- in Africa.
Instead, you need another Lexus- a home addition- even more expensive clothes and shoes- while the poor crumble around you.
These things will be rectified in the future, when humans learn empathy for one another, and release their strangle hold on the desire for money.
For greed.
I have been thinking about it, how much money is enough, if I live in my van- it is a reality, that people who choose to live in their vehicles, end up loving it so much, they end up not trading it for a stationary home.
Living a lifestyle of travel.
There is a freedom in that.
How much do I need, for repair, maintenance, fuel, etc, etc. It turns out- not much! Far less than a stick built home, by far.
I believe I could live the rest of my life comfortably, on less than a million dollars. In fact, the actual number- if I live minimalist and frugally- may be far less than even that.
Millions do it every day.
And, vehicles are more reliable, than ever.
I am also told, to have faith my mother comes through for me, regarding the horse. When that happens, all of my issues will be healed, my health, van, travels, etc.
I am also considering moving to India.
I am pale white with blue eyes- and attractive. I think I would never be lonely there, ha!
I am looking into it.
Also, money goes further, there.
But that will be a non issue in the future.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 22:58:14 GMT 9.5
And... As my dogs heal, the female especially wounded, she came to my bed, and layed on my chest, and fell asleep on me.
As I, considered her miraculous healing abilities, I began to see deeper into her Being.
It is difficult to accept, not every human is able to see these things-
I saw deep into her canine being- there are facets of her being that are superhuman- that far exceed what humans are capable of, in feeling, thought, intellect- intelligence.
Dogs are only limited, by the humans who observe them.
Dogs achieve godhood, when the right human, looks at them.
This is why I have no issues with zoophilia- those humans see more into those animals, than the others do.
And yet- they are oppressed by blind humans- who only see a dumb animal- incapable of making any decisions for itself- when the opposite, being true, is all around us, and in nature.
In many ways, they are smarter, and more evolved than we are.
Someone told me, a tree is the highest evolved being- because all it does is "be".
Then you go to humans, we are filled with anxiety, fears, wars, health issues, we hurt each other, kill each other, rape each other. Granted, some animals species do this within their groups- ironically, mainly- the humanoids.
Anyway- it turns out, I am still wounded to where I cannot fully "feel" see, or fully understand my canines. As Paul said, the females tend to be more complicated, as they must also care for the young, satisfy their lover (who keeps them safe and provides in community) and also, act as a hunter. (To feed her young.)
Fully healing and wholeness is my goal- and I am pushing my intent there
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 17, 2024 23:19:46 GMT 9.5
The... Danger???
May be, getting comfortable- and then choosing to remain there.
I see this as a possible, issue.
I am unsure.
However, I have been seeking comfort, healing, wholeness- perhaps, taking a vacation
I could remain in comfort forever- and cease to exist??? I am unsure of this.
Neither do I want to be in pain, torment, and suffering forever, either.
Interesting dichotomy
The puppies are doing well.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 6:50:05 GMT 9.5
Did I talk about a few weeks ago I was drunk and acting violent and the female dog grabbed my whiskey bottle while I was taking a shit and tossed it under a cabinet where I never look
That's how smart she is
Like dad this is not helping you, I'll be the mom and get rid of it.
She is very maternal
Mommadog
Interestingly, the German shepherd female I had for fourteen years, I inquired into her mind as to what she thought of my drinking, her heart was:
"Dad just needs a few drinks in him. He'll be fine after that. Usually just passes out. Let him sleep."
Totally fine with it.
Guess I am evolving. According to my dogs
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 20:27:18 GMT 9.5
çIt's three AM.
I was struggling, with some human drama online.
I let someone get my goat (For the xth time) and got banned from a forum.
I was drunk.
I went to a hookup to get laid, and all we did was talk- I was too nervous.
Anyway- I wake up, unable to sleep, sobering up- and I felt Anastasia call to me.
I saw her- clearly- a tall wolf woman, in a dress, standing on a grassy hill.
She was- as all anthros are- stunningly beautiful and attractive. Sexy, alluring, desirable.
Well- she wanted to talk to me, so I quieted my mind, and listened to her.
She had some hard things for me to hear, about my character- that actually aligned with what Paul has been telling me.
As usual...
She's right.
However- something she had to say that I liked, after she told me what was vexing her about me- keep in mind, she feels everything I feel, and goes through everything I go through- and being part wolf, the wolf in her, makes her "Attached" to her society. (There are allegories, wolf women will sometimes tell themselves, often in their hearts- they will say, "It is like being mated with- sexually tied to my lover- my mate. So it is for the tribe. The pack, the society.")
Well- she showed me a way I can be with her.
She understands, I am ascending to a very high plane- but we are still heart-bound and connected together. (And I do not want that link, to be broken.)
She does not yet have a sponsor like the Real Me- who is helping me to ascend.
The Real Me- seemed to be in agreement with what she said-
She said, "Ascend, be your higher self. But, vacation here, with me. Like a thousand year vacation- (She can actually live longer than that. With me by her side- I can assist her in extending her life. That is another reason to be her mate.) just spend it with me. I will be your wolf girl, your lover- your mate- your wife. And, you will be my ascended Husband. I am waiting for you..."
Fuck, it was music to my ears- and heart.
She also... Finished by releasing me, to "Go. Ascend to your highest self. I am here, waiting for you."
It was beautiful.
I am also, as I pack my spiritual bags and begin to leave this place- beginning to pull my residency out of the various places I have placed my Being from my childhood- and, essentially, divorcing my family entirely.
I know that, many men have done this in the past- and became hobos, vagrants, who rode the trains and etc- because their families were too broken and abusive- and their parents never saw them again
It is a lonely feeling to wake up one day and the house is empty- and will remain empty until the day you die
I also have the money now to finish the van. I really have to watch my spending, I am starting to make them same mistakes I have in the past with it- it is easy to do- and a large amount can be gone quickly if I am not careful- and place me in the same situation I was in- negative, attracting negative.
However, once the van is done- even though I feel God wants me to believe, and stand firm in the faith of inheriting this place- perhaps that will still happen- but I need to leave.
The person I am looking to hook up with, still wants to mate- and may become a long term relationship (It is my hope. Part of being in a relationship is regular sex).
Yesterday, I was masturbating to some homosexual materials, when Anastasia desired to masturbate with me (Touch herself, basically, using our heart connection, to enjoy my sexual energy- and for me- to enjoy hers. I heard a podcast recently, that changed how I view sex- it said, "I am here, not for myself, but for you. It is my desire, to bring you the maximum amount of pleasure possible- to fully satisfy your body- to fully bond to you in this way- it is not for me- but, it is for you." I also, before this particular hookup, took full mental and spiritual inventory of myself- and asked God to teach me through this experience.)
Well, Anastasia asked me- when we are together- if I will desire a male from the tribe (There are always plenty of "untied" males, who are interested in inflating their knots inside of someone- it is rare for them to be repulsed by another male- and a few of them are specifically interested in me, though I have to be careful they do not pretend like they want to knot me, then start hitting on Anastasia once we get home)
She asked me, if I wanted a male to be a part of our "Mating group"- but I felt in my heart- while she was willing to let a male pleasure me from behind, that she, desired, in her heart: that it just be us two.
So, I took hold of the desire to be mounted by a male anthro- and I pushed it away- and, in order to pleasure my lover- I then, focused upon Anastasia- and resolved in my heart- that it only be her in our romantic lives (Mating festivals excepted- where we can get drunk and mate with whomever- or whatever we wish, and return together afterwards- often with difficulties walking- laughing about it and telling the tales of our experiences, getting railed, often in trains. As Anastasia asked me- give my body to whom I desire during the festival- but, keep her as the owner of my heart. The same applies to real life. The number of humans who do not understand my relationship with her is sad to me. But, it also makes it unique- what she and I share.)
So, it is good.
About my wounded female dog, we are to the point where her constant licking is preventing her wounds from healing- and her constant bothering them is not letting them close- she is licking away her bodies healing abilities.
So, she's going to have to wear a cone now! I will tend to and care for her wounds, myself. I had a feeling this day would come- and has been coming for a few days. The risk of infection is nearly over- but if it happens I will tend to her wounds with peroxide and more neosporin. The wounds are trying to close, and some have closed- but she licks them open again- so this part of nature is hindering her healing. In nature, I believe- she would not have time or comfort to constantly lick- and unless her wounds were irritated, would dry up and seal up naturally.
She is doing well and is in good spirits.
The saga continues- and I am doing better, laying hold of my humanness, that was captured by the OS
I wonder if there is a community of shamans... Or if I should even seek such things out. I have this beautiful thing with these wolf people, and I want to share it with others, however humans are not often to be trusted with such things. I guess I will see in time- I know my shaman energy attracts like things- but as I refine it, my hope is, that I find people who are truly good hearted about it that I can trust.
As I was telling my partner, (The one I met yesterday) I don't want to be closed off and unable to be vulnerable.
But maybe being closed off for a time, is what's necessary, such as when an injured dog isolates itself, in order to heal.
A healthier outlook- and more wise method of trusting people, is something I want.
The puppies continue to be needy, and demand food and attention even when they have plenty. It is helping me understand canine psyches better.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 20:34:04 GMT 9.5
I am also doing better, with regards to accepting the female body.
During my sexual abuse at the hands of my parents, part of it was unbathed, slimy, stinky humans, getting me to taste them, smell them- and it disgusted me, as a person.
To this day I am repulsed by it- however, that is a poor attitude- and something I want to correct, so that every scent of Anastasia- is like ambrosia to my nose.
So, I am doing better- the pleasant thing about that, is, the proper use of it- is to go out, get naked, and enjoy other humans bodies. Go through sense therapy- and learn to accept them as they are.
After all- I enjoy my bodies scents- I think most honest humans do- why should I not learn to enjoy anothers.
Some-times, Anastasia- will lift her tail, and allow my clone body- to smell her body, either her pussy- or asshole- often as canines do to reveal to others their status and health- however for her and I- it is for pleasure (But also for health, so I can keep updates on her scent, and PH, diet, etc.- and update her on how she smells- even suggesting she eat differently to make her scent more appealing- and likewise- for me- much the same as men eating pineapple- to flavor their semen so it tastes better for their partner.)
So, I must be fully accepting, loving, and affectionate of other bodies, be they human, animal, or a combination of the two- such as the beautiful Anastasia.
I continue, to strive, for my thoughts- to uplift Anastasia- I stopped for a moment- but she actually asked me to never stop believing for her higher attainment- so my heart was glad to hear that- so I will not stop, for her sake, because I love her.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 21:26:49 GMT 9.5
I am being told, to have faith in the fact that my dog is going ot be okay. I am going to drive to the pet store, and get a collar for her- I won't wait for shipping, while she keeps her wounds from healing.
My heart, desires to continue updating this-
Anastasia and I spoke shortly after I posted the above- and I am looking up anthro porn. She is for it- as it helps me to acclimate to the anthropomorphic body. (Her body!)
As I grow, mature, and heal- she is with me.
She commented, on how proud, and happy she is, that I am "Getting better"-
She was intimately attached to the old me- who was not adjusted, cruel, hateful, angry, bitter and violent- and she was angry over having to be "with" such a person- but as I get my humanness under better control- and learn to accept the things around me- including her (It must be the canine in me. When she's been working out, and her body is hot, sweaty, and "musky"- when she lifts her tail, to let me get a whiff of her stinky asshole- I am drawn to it magnetically- I thoroughly enjoy it! In fact, Oftentimes I will ask her not to bathe for some time- and let me smell her anus, vulva, and feet and toes- sometimes her ears- for the canine in me, it is a smoragboard, a feast for my senses that bonds me to her, incredibly!)
Anyway- she showed me, or it became clearer to me- that she is a warrior- she "trains" a lot- running, lifting weights, training with weapons.
She has had to be very disciplined to be a warrior-
And, this discipline, is helping her to remain with me- as I MYSELF, struggle to be disciplined- in this way she and I are a very good match.
I also think the higher me, thinks she is hot- attractive. Maybe he is seeing her through my eyes?
Also: about the canine divine- she has told me, the tribe is aware that they are being ascended to divine realms they did not have access to, before.
She told me, they actually want me ot be "with" them- which is wonderful- because I want to be with THEM
I can ascend, and control my humanness, however at the end of the day, I wish to be with my wolf people.
Being away from, their beautiful bodies, their sights, their smells, their lupine-human ways, is difficult.
If my human family failed me: my true family is the Wolfen people.
In a way, too, the OS is adverse- and I have had negative experiences with them, however there are wolf folk down there, that are not adverse- or if they are, communicating with them can often make their tails wag, and wherever I go, there is to be a wolf person there.
In a way the last place I want to be is where I am at- however- this is a place of learning.
I have to be here, for now, in order to learn, and grow- I shudder to think of what would come of it, if I went to be with Anastasia- as the guy that I was.
She would run away
Or, be driven into a depression with him, because he was raised so poorly and not given a chance to develop.
All he'd want to do is fuck her asshole, and be of little use, outside of maybe a foot massage.
The me I am becoming, loves the spiritual Anastasia- and the goddess within her, the divine, canine.
I am endeavoring to love her "better", and in the highest ways I am capable of- and each new day it seems I find a better way, in which to love her.
She is responding well- warmly to me- I think, in part, because she knows I am proving myself to be serious about being her mate- about exploring and accepting and loving the woman who has the other half of my heart- in proper (better) relationship.
She told me just now she is proud to have me as her mate.
Also- the tribe, knew the "old" me- and did not like him that much- nary can I blame them- but they enjoy the new me I am becoming, and are placing me in a position of governance and authority over them!
I am happy, and proud to do it.
I have to be careful- with my heart, and thoughts- though the ascending exercises Paul has me doing, are helping this tremendously- the path to the Real Me is in line with the path to the (attractive) Wolfen people.
This is good.
I am conflicted, however- with the God (The highest energy I have experienced. SO high it can only communicate with me on a limited basis.)
It asked me to believe to inherit this ranch, the horse- and for things to be decent between my mother and I.
However, I am aware, based on my mothers passed experiences- she will not make up her mind- and previously- only would decide and make a decision that hurts me in some way.
Will I be waiting forever?
I know Gods timing, is not our timing, and we want things RIGHT NOW- however I have been in the "Desert" literally, of depression and being a slave to toxic humanness- for FORTY YEARS
Anastasia, also wants me to get my heart fixed, as greedy as the US medical system is, if you don't meet financial guidelines, they give you government sponsored health care- so I can get it done "For free"
She wants me to get it done- but she shares my fears, as heart surgery can be dangerous- and she does not want to lose me either.
As I write this- her love, her connection with me, is like a shower of the warmest rain, that flows all over my body.
I am being shown, my clone, who lives in her home- she is, falling in love with him (me)
I have desired this, my entire life.
I have desired such a beautiful, sexy, attractive woman- with Anastasias exact shape- a wolf woman- with all of her desirable attributes-
I wonder, sometimes, what the result of the human race learning about the tribes of animal people- and what would be the result of that.
They are so pure, sexy, and beautiful- imbued with the wild attributes of the animals that are a part of them. For example, raccoon women, are known to be good with their hands- for a male human who is willing to let her penetrate him with her fingers- they have been known to give men orgasms this way, it is a pleasurable experience.
You can go on and on about it- the Foxen are known to be deeply romantic
And, of course, the Wolfen, will pound you into a mind shattering orgasm, or tie with you all day, letting you soak up your lovers Being, being so intimately tied to him- you become him, in essence, which is why it is known, you have to choose your male carefully, as you will essentially, be forever bonded to him-
What would such things do, to a infantile, dangerous, immature, cruel, stupid human race?
I could see people becoming dangerously obsessed with them- but maybe my fears are unfounded- as revealing the animal folk (and others, alien folk, insect folk, "demon" folk, etc.) also comes with a massive blast of education.
"You know he's going to cum in you for six hours straight."
"Oh wow, that sounds amazing!"
"Yeah- and you'll be smelling his armpits for six hours, too!"
"Oh. Uh..."
"Better be sure you like this wolf!"
Lol.
It is also why there is sometimes sexual tyranny with the Wolfen- when the male is desiring his woman, and she is not in the mood, or she finds his scent at least partially adverse- being forced to smell him for six hours...
That is another thing about the wolfen, when they mate with you, they tend not to be concerned with your comfort- that must be accepted, when a human, "Lifts tail" for them- as I have said- ESPECIALLY the first few times- People have passed out, hanging on a wolf's dick, from the pain of it- only to wake up in more pain, and to be told there's about another five hours of this in store for them!
Many humans give up because of this, and never pass the threshold of bliss, when his swollen member finally brings you to an orgasm, when his scent finally fills your nostrils, and you become fully "one" with him!
I have to be careful, myself, as Anastasia- has warned me- she is concerned I will "Fall in love with" a male of her kind- and as usual I said that will never happen! You;re so wrong- but then I looked deeper into it- it one allows a wolf to mount you enough times- you WILL fall in love with him!
And, if you desire his knot, then, becoming "knot drunk" for him- be prepared to find him tied, stuck to someone else!
That is often the way of the Wolfen.
Humans must understand this- if they want to make-space with them.
And, no matter how I try and highlight it, I cannot justify what the Nazis did to my people. I just can't. It will likely be a sore spot with me for some time.
However, I would like to also assist- to my ability- the Wolfen with forgiving, and learning to move passed them- as I know some Wolfen are endeavoring to forgive humanity for what happened.
Partly why my furry wolf people are going to learn all about firearms. It is time for them to transition out of edged weapons, and into the "Modern" age.
The inner earth societies may not yet be ready for such things, as firearms make killing extremely easy and can be "thoughtless"- and some of the inner earth societies struggle with discipline.
Not my wolf people, though. If anything can be said, they are unified, and truly disciplined.
It's what makes the women, such great mates- they are attractive, hot, shaped for pleasure, loyal, kind, caring, affectionate- and it worries me that base humans who have no root in themselves (PEOPLE LIKE I USED TO BE!!!) would find a good wolf woman, and court her, mate with her, and she would fall for him as her life mate- and he would grow bored of her- while her love only grows for him.
This will have to be discussed with the Wolfen- unless they are already well aware of it- but a revealing of them to humans, would no doubt be bittersweet, as needless pain would be inevitable, when exposed to the human race
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 21:44:21 GMT 9.5
Something also occurred to me.
All of this is happening, after I fully released the wolf people
And, Anastasia- as much as I could
The idea that, the older version of myself, who was out of control (Anastasia calls him "rowdy") is the part of me that has to let go- so the new part of me, the healthier version of myself- who is better able to learn, and connect with, the Wolfen, with proper relationship- can then be free to take over!
This is good!
Because, for the first time, my connection with them isn't one that stems from desperation.
Actually- the Wolfen, opened my heart (A bit roughly, they are wolves- but I did not mind it whatsoever, appreciated it, actually, sometimes you have to be forceful)- and showed me, "This is our spirit- please accept it- so that you will become a much better match for us- to be with us, to live with us!"
IT IS AMAZING TO ME THAT...
what I TRULY wanted, is unfolding NOW...
During the initial attack on my soul, or so it felt like- I felt myself, "lose" Anastasia- the horror of it-
I am coming to see, now, that it was only the old version of myself that was torn away from her-
THE NEW VERSION OF MYSELF is unifying with her, and her people, in ways the old me couldn't even dream of!
And this, before I actually am fully present with them- after that- things will only be better, it will be like living in a dream, with hot wolf people in it, and I can fully be present with them!
Anyway, it is so good, I have to be careful not to take too much of them in.
"Too heavenly minded to be of earthly good" and to be drunk with the Wolfen while I am still growing, here.
It is available, though.
I am going to smell so many asses when I am with them omg
Also, one of the reasons I am obsessed with Anastasias tail hole (Anus, asshole...) is because, she nibbled on my clone, and she digested part of his (my genetic) essence, so rimming her, is like sexually pleasuring myself- through another being! Like, I can smell myself, in her asshole- as you are what you eat!
So it adds an extra dimension of attraction to her, that would not exist had she not of nibbled on him a bit.
She also hates bringing up the past- and one of her rules is never to do that- so I have to really be careful, I can feel her heart being pained over this, so I should probably not mention it again.
But it's a thing, and why I love her butt.
Also, some humans do indeed have fetishes for smelling the anal region, and enjoy smelling their lovers gas, etc. I saw a porn video of it and I was like well, this is a new thing
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 22:29:10 GMT 9.5
I feel Anastasia- desires me to write this.
"I'm... Breathless."
I sighed, unable to close my mouth, as the tall wolfess, walked on heels that displayed her magnificent feet, her soft, golden eyes, sparkling under the dim yellow lighting in the ballroom.
She smiled, when she entered into my spiritual zone, stopping, so that I could soak in the beauty of her paws.
I was nervous- scared to look into her eyes- because I knew it was inevitable, that we were going to cross a threshold- and forever be united.
I shivered, slightly- thinking- of that deep spiritual union, something sacred- a marriage of hearts- of souls...
And, this stunningly beautiful wolfess who made the goosebumps erupt on my body when I looked at her- powerful, yet graceful, cunning, yet kind, vicious, yet loving, able to end my life with a swipe of her claws- and yet, her touch was so gentle I melted in her arms.
"A-"
I said, my words getting caught in my throat as I forced myself to look up, my eyes stopping at her perfectly shaped, supple breasts, blinking away my passion- and looking deep into her gently glowing eyes- the light, not from the room... But, from deep within the light in her soul.
She smiled, cool air exiting her nose, with a girlish sway of her hips, and a warm glow in her eyes.
"Kiss me."
Her warm breath smelled of mint, perfect for this occasion, but the wolf in me, loved her wolfs breath.
"Anastasia."
"Kiss me!" She said with a giggle.
"Active your brain, Dave."
She said, sensing my own soul, being carried away by her eternal divine canine beauty.
"As you wish." I said, letting her smell my own breath.
She closed her eyes, as I pressed my lips to hers.
Around us, people erupted in claps, and cheers, and toasts, but all I heard was her heartbeat as I pressed myself against her chest.
I softly played with her tongue, when she slid hers down my throat- as a joke, she told me later- not expecting me to relax and enjoy it, as I did.
She pulled it out, blushed, and chuckled.
Someone patted me on the back- I enjoyed the attention, but in truth I desired to be with her, and her alone.
They had gathered to celebrate our deep spiritual union- dignitaries, kings, queens, divine beings- all assembling to celebrate the union of a Wolfen girl, and a human man- coming together- as eternal mates, together- as one.
Slowly, resisting the drunkenness of genuine connection, I opened my eyes.
"You're... Beautiful." I said, hardly able to catch my breath.
She ran a claw gently up my forehead, to move some of my hair out of the way, I didn;t even realize it was blocking my vision, as I stared into her deeply glowing eyes- ignited with a passion...
For me.
I kissed her again, as people clapped around me, grasping her soft, warm body, and pulling her into myself. I detached from her lips, with a soft sigh, and whispered into her ear:
"I love you."
I knew, there would be growth ahead- for us both- I had come so far, a part of me wished we would have waited until things were... Perfect... But as we both knew- things were rarely perfect.
Looking into her eyes- I felt in my heart- she was glad she was looking at the man who was letting her heat soak into him- timed so that our honeymoon would be during her heat, when she was most desirous of me- but glad she was with me.
I rested my head on her shoulder, taking in the sweet lilac perfume she wore for this occasion- and gently, behind her, traced the outline of her spine- her soft back exposed with her bright red dress.
Closing my eyes, carried away by the beauty of her aura, and her heart beating so close to mine, creating an uplifted, unified heart field between us.
Gently, with all the tenderness I had in me, I caressed her neck fur with the tip of my human nose. With a sigh, and the thought that only her, and I could understand, I stepped back, and again, took in the beauty of her beautiful wolfs face.
I grinned, a silly, boyish grin, knowing, I would get to spend the rest of Existence, with this woman, who was so beautiful- it was difficult for me to look at her for very long, and, of course, my mind going to her incredible, irradiating body heat, the shape of her body from the inside, and my biggest struggle was, feeling her, in bed- and trying to last- but I would work on it.
I was a servant to her passion.
She grinned, sensing my thoughts, her tall, pointy ears, falling slightly back, and the fur on her cheeks, erupting slightly, as she blushed- but her teeth, biting her lip, and her knees softly rubbing together as they went weak, anticipating what would come after this ball, and our marriage ceremony.
"Dance with me, wolf girl."
"Okay."
I took her hands, and led in a gentle sway, when the music went to a romba.
Moving her effortlessly, as the wolfess complied with my every move, reading me, taking in the scent of my desire for her body, we moved, and swayed in unison, the entire crowd, moving from us, as I swayed her, recklessly in front of the crowd, my heart, flowing with passion for her.
I gritted my teeth- resisting the urge, to bend her over in front of everyone- and maybe I should have...
With that feminine, girlish grin, her eyes open and burning, she leaned in to me as we swayed-
"I can't wait to have your tongue up my ass."
I grinned- she was truly my woman.
"Annah." I grunted softly in her ears as she leaned in to me- and the music resumed it's more gentle tone, for which, I was grateful.
"Yes, Dave?"
"I can't wait to have my tongue so deep in your ass I kiss your tongue from under your tail."
She blushed, laughing, and for a moment, the wild wolfess I knew came out, the one that could swing a fifty pound sword, and lift the ends of cars up, the one that enjoyed being pinned to a wall, and fucked raw by a forceful human, came out for all to see.
She told me later she nearly tore her dress off, and lifted tail for me in that moment- but wanted to enjoy the connection we were nurturing.
I agreed.
We could make love later.
And, we would.
Drawn to her lips once more, I kissed her.
We shared breath, as our tongues battled out the foreplay we would enjoy, just hours away, in the royal bedchambers.
For the Wolfen, the honeymoon was a time of fully getting to know each other, every hole, every finger, every scent, every fluid.
Everything.
From the hairs between her toes, and soft, supple pads of her feet, to the hairs, on the tips of her ears...
And, from there, our relationship would begin, unified, as one.
I again, glanced at her beautiful feet, taking in their power, grace, and beauty.
I loved those heels- it gave me such a glorified look at her paws, their sheer magnificence of construction could not often be found anywhere, but the foot of a Wolfen.
I rested my head between her breasts, our hands still intertwined by the fingers.
"I can't wait any longer, either. Dave, meet me in the bathroom."
I chuckled as my wolfess, broke our embrace, with ears pinned back, a gentle blush, and weak knees, she clacked her way to the bathroom, but not before turning to give me a glance, and a come hither gesture with her finger.
I nearly ran to her, as the crowd made "Well, okay!" noises, and I met Anastasia in the bathroom.
She dropped to her knees, and lifter her tail, exposing her luscious pink flesh, flavored and scented the way I desired most- like a Wolfen girl.
I buried my face in her soft ass, taking in the flavor, and scent of her body, slowly, caressing her with my tongue, as she masturbated.
She was going into heat...
But not like I had ever seen before.
Her pussy, was thick, pink, and radiated heat you could feel from the doorway, and dripped with the juices, the ambrosia... Of her desire.
I lapped up her pussy juice, tonguing her, and bringing her to an orgasm that made her shake.
"OH DAVE!" She said, then gritted her teeth.
"Fuck!" She said when I gently inserted a finger into her fiery tunnel, as I fucked her ass with my tongue.
Her head fell, and for a moment, before our obligations forced us back to our senses, she transformed into a wolfess in heat.
Panting like an animal, I collected myself, slowly toning down the rhythm, as she blushed fully, submitting to me, enjoying being dominated by me... Owned my be... Her body a slave to my will.
Her mind swam, drunk, with thoughts of what we were going to experience in the royal chambers.
In that hot moment of unbridled and shared passion, our mind connected, swimming with thoughts of the others passionate, raw, animal lust, mixed with human temperament.
Before we got back to our feet, her facial fur ablaze with a sloppy lupine blush, I buried my nose between her toes, and took in the deep, ancient, ethereal scent of her feet, that carried me to heights so divine, mortals rarely spoke of such things.
Such, were the feet of a wolfess.
"I need some wine, Dave, or I'm going to drop this dress out there and let you fuck me raw in front of all those people, and wolves."
"Would that be so bad? I'm sure some are curious as to how wolves mate with humans..." I said as she bent down and kissed me, tasting of her own juices, still salty, and sweet- on my human tongue.
She gently grasped my chin, while looking into my eyes.
"If you were any sexier, I would probably... Cease to exist... Or. Something." I said with a scoff.
"I'm gonna fuck your ass deep with my tongue. Better be ready for it."
She said, changing the direction of my thoughts, that were probably going dangerously overboard, with desire for her.
Taking my hand, she led me out of the bathroom while adjusting her dress, red, to hide her heat.
Most of the crowd clapped when we emerged, disheveled, from the bathroom, most of the men nodding and grinning for us.
We both got glasses of wine, and sat down, her heat surging, and drawing energy from us both.
She fanned her muzzle, trying to cool herself off, as I admired her toes, while holding her hand in mine.
Her mind, danced, of things her heart desired, children, perhaps- games, war.
Love.
Connection.
Rough sex.
She snorted through her nose- and I saw the wolfess I had met first, all those eons ago. The one that would pick you up by your shirt, and toss you aside like a man made of straw, if you mad her mad enough.
I caressed her fingers, feeling the power and nobility of her claws.
"You are so beautiful." I whispered into her ear, smelling the tangy scent of her inner ear, drawing it in gently, as not to offend her sharp senses, and then, kissing the top of her head.
"You're very handsome- for a human."
I chuckled, gently squeezing her hand, and sighing, washed anew, with a deep mutual spiritual connection with her.
Lifting our hands, I kissed hers.
"It's time for the ceremony!" Someone said, looking at us, as we both chugged the remainder of our wine.
Anastasia was in full blush, as her heat kicked in to the degree that every Wolfen in the room had to shift their pants when they looked at her.
Her pheromones flooding the air around us, causing even some of the humans to have to loosen their collars.
Plus, she was just beautiful.
I took her hand, and Anastasia and I...
Walked to the altar.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 18, 2024 22:39:22 GMT 9.5
An interesting thing about the heart palpitations, is that when they get bad enough, and I accept it, I become in love with life, as every moment become precious- because with heart issues, it feels like it could be your last.
Also, I am beginning to become aware, of a life after death...Not one in horror, pain, and torment, but one in a place where, grass grows, there are flowing hills, trees, animals, plants, the coolest, freshest air you have ever breathed...
It is opening up for me.
The wolfen who seemed adverse- seemingly have disappeared- and positive Wolfen, Wolfen who, actually want me to step up to be in their tribe as an honored member, are taking the reigns of the tribe.
They like me.
They actually want me to be with them.
I am being directed to lay hold of my authority, which empowers me.
Well, if you ever wanted to find me, you know where I will be. It will be with the wolf people. I am finding a new unity with them, a new peace, a new resonance with them that is beginning to take form
My heart is very glad =)
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 19, 2024 0:46:56 GMT 9.5
I have written a brief journal, introducing a particular furry community, to the reality that animal people are real.
After writing the journal, a calendar event popped up: At some point, I wrote that TODAY IS ANASTASIA AND MY ANNIVERSARY.
I thought, that was APROPOS
However, after writing the journal, Animalia opened herself up to me, and showed me: more visions of adverse seeming (But not, it's just daily life) animal folk, that I had to see, smell, hear, more visions of my time with them, more acceptance of the meaner ones, it was difficult! However I announced my status as essentially, go between for many of the animal people- especially the Wolfen (of course) and that is when she showed those things to me.
I can see how they would be extremely difficult for many humans to accept.
Making casual conversation with a lion guy who has fresh blood on his muzzle, or a cat girl that smells like death.
I mentioned their smells can be some of the hardest things to accept, that I have a great love for Animalia, but that even I struggle with the sm,ell, sometimes.
I am reaching a new milestone in my maturing, and development!
Things became a little more clear.
Also, in a way, it is adverse- even though I love them, so, so, so much, to dive deeper into Animalia, it is difficult, and requires significant effort on my part.
However, "I am here" this is where I am at, on a doubly divergent path, of finding myself, loving myself, discovering my higher Me, and also, learning to play with the Animalia (Anastasia, Ladywolf, etc.)
I told them, in a way, I was born for this!
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 19, 2024 5:45:18 GMT 9.5
I have great news.
I went to go hook up and get laid- and it happened, but that's nott he great news, although it was a very positive experience where I connected pretty deep (maybe too deep) with the person I was mating with.
THEY GAVE ME ANASTASIA
They also showed me something WONDERFUL:
Previously, possibly due to the adverse attack on my soul, where they yanked Anastasia from me, as Paul has been guiding me,
I have begun work, and shifting focus, from her, to myself.
In my fears, I was worried, I had to make an either/or decision: Turn towards Anastasia, and possibly lose her- or turn towards myself.
Thanks to Paul, I have been choosing myself.
It has been scary, however- to do this, because of what Anastasia means to me, and us.
And, the idea that I have been violating my gut instinct, to turn completely away from her, and leave her- which I know, my gut is almost never wrong.
HOWEVER
TODAY
They told me (!!!)
I MAY PURSUE THE WOLF GIRL.
-AND-
I will successfully pursue myself:
What they showed me:
Because I have chosen not to fully leave the wolf girl, they told me:
Your unfoldment will still happen AND you will still get the wolf girl, *except* because you are taking a dual path, the only issue is, your unfoldment will now take a longer time (But it will still happen!!!)
Fucking best news I've got, yet.
Anastasia again revealed more of herself to me, including an adverse relationship she and I are in that I did not know about.
I am a human, she is a dark grey furred wolf girl, and, I am a human man.
In that relationship, she is physically abusive to me, and I have been submissive about it, but today I dialed it up, and I directed my other self, to take her abuse stoicly- and to love her fully, completely, anyway.
She, poked him and needled him, and eventually, she broke down crying, because she finally understood, he loved her anyway- even through that.
After that, she had to catch herself, hitting him- but eventually she curled up, tearfully, in his arms, and the relationship was totally healed (For the better, because she knew, he loved her. Even through that.)
AND!!!
This morning I found myself, being a bit grateful, for the trauma and abuse I suffered- you know why
BECAUSE I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM IT.
On the way to get hooked-up, and have a deep (Maybe too deep) meaningful conversation with my lover, traffic seemed unnaturally, odious, slow, too many negative coincidences. I lost it a few times- but I caught myself.
I remember Paul telling me, to get my HUMANNESS under control- in order to acces THE FIRST ENLIGHTENMENT, which I want!
And, it seems that, as I listen to Paul, and unfold for myself: ANASTASIA LIKES THIS AND IS PLEASED BY IT.
She literally is grateful I am on this journey- not sad, angry or upset.
In fact, her heart says, "How the hell did I bag such a cool guy for a husband/mate/lover? I like that he's into my feet!"
I was going into the negative, today, as the pendulum swings, so I pushed positivity into it.
It has had a profound effect on ym outlook, and including my connection with Anastasia.
It was not all fun, there were some difficulties accepting things, such as, accepting her adverse side, deeper- which is part of it.
It's just part of it!
It's not the end of the world!
She stands before me, the source of Beauty, of Love, of Connection, the wind playfully, gently, caressing her long hair, looking at me, touching her face, with those gentle eyes she has.
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