The most dangerous girl in Eden
May 12, 2023 14:13:34 GMT 9.5
Post by tundrawolf on May 12, 2023 14:13:34 GMT 9.5
Some, are aware, that I have, another thread, about, a vision I had, of a half wolf, half human, physically female, entity, that I, "Share a heart with", who, has, been violent with me. To put it lightly, she attacked me, and, partially, ate my emotional body, something that, has been, as fun as it sounds, that is, awful.
I have, been in the throws of, a relationship, with this woman, this wolf woman, I called, "Asrael", as I thought, she was, a "demon", as she, manifested in dark caverns that, are closer to, what coudl be called, hell, than not.
I began posting multiple replies in the other threa,d however, I am, EXTREMELY prompted to make this new thread:
I met her.
I met wolf girl.
And, I saw, and came to knowledge... Much was explained.
Quickly: Much of my life has been hard, unseen forces have been trying to kill me since before I was born. My life, has been cursed, depression has nearly taken me out constanty, since I was a child, and I have been severely abused and traumatized in ways that can only be described as, "personal".
I was, willing to trade my soul (emotional body) for sex when I was in my twenties, and from my then religious perspective, I "Lost my soul to the devil" during a horrific spiritual attack that I felt, and while my physical body survived, my emotional one didn't.
I died that day, in a horrific way that words cannot describe, and, that, frankly, nobody really wants to hear about, so I will spare you the details.
Being, eaten alive by an eight foot tall, five hundred forty six pound, wolf-woman, who HATES you, is, terrible.
I have, visions of her, two, or three years ago, and even naked, hairless, and ashamed of herself, she is, the most beautiful woman I have laid eyes on, part-wolf and everything... She is my other half. And, I felt her heart, complete me.
Here is why I am making this new thread, and I hope it is accepted:
What she did was a crime. It's illegal to do what she did, her, and the people involved, which is why it has been so secret: She is a wanted women.
You CANNOT torture people like that, legally, and do, what happened, and she was involved with, and it be legal.
I asked her, why, then, did you give me your heart?
She answered: "Because, if you would have remained dead, my punishment would be execution, and I would be wanted for murder, whereas, now I am only wanted for torture."
ALRIGHTY WOLF GIRL!!!
So, she is a wanted woman, from what I can tell, and in my conversation with her, she took me to some TERRIFYING places, and it turns out, this place called, "eden", is only PARTIALLY a paradise, there are places, where if you travel to them, are so dark, unless you are a hardened entity, your chances of leaving them are almost none. Places, like, "Bad" areas of towns here on Earth, but, that, within the earth, there are monster like beings there who are inclined to EAT you.
In Eden, no such places exist, and, it is a very SAFE and wonderful place to be.
Why I am making this thread, I do not know, other than, I want to write a separate thread, about this, wolf entity I share a heart with.
The reason my journey with her has been so terrible and filled with pain and fear is, A. she broke the law, and B. she has, gone renegade. I was shown, things, about her, that are NOT real. She has, been trying to, hurt me, push me away, break my heart, but only to a degree that she, herself can stand, BECAUSE WE NOW SHARE A HEART.
I DO NOT want to think, I am, some weak thing she plucked from the universe, that, she, hoped, would, "check out" early as, she, tormented me my entire life, essentially...
However, that may be the case.
There are a few things, that stand out to me, that are strange: I saw her soul being created, and was a part of it. This is how I know, her libido is "More than usual for her kind." I saw, the living waters that went into her creation. HOW IS IT I know this.
I, also, died, as a child, and I was transported to, this place, where these waters flow like, living rainbows, in deep caverns in this planets crust. These waters can "Assume" things and hold experiences, like love, sex, hatred, whatever- and they resonate, and have a frequency. When I died, I was, "Soaked" in the waters of love. This, was, in part, permuted to this wolf woman, I call her a wolf girl, perhaps because she was traumatized as a child and has never grown up.
I, thought, this was, every day "shit" happening in, a world within this planet, that, these spirit machines, I have seen in the nine layers of this planets crust, put here, by a race of alien people who engineered us (humans), was a common thing... It is not.
What I endured by those machines, it turns out, was HIGHLY illegal, I was, abducted by malevolent entities and used for nefarious purposes, and the victim of something that can only be described as horrific.
I have, a thirty-eight page thread here, and another large one on another forum, TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT... Except, I think I finally got the answers I was looking for.
It is heart wrenching to me... What was done.
It is, heart breaking, that this, wolf woman has led me on, that she has, tried to deceive me, to cover up what she, and others did to my emotional body... All because, feelings were hurt, and power was threatened (By a tribe of religious, wolf-human hybrids within this planet) and so illegal, immoral, and evil plans were hatched to destroy someone, using me, as a catalyst for it. If people want the details, I was told them, but the person who told me, is a suspect in this too.
My only light in this, is... Wolf woman, cared enough to show me a, "Better for me" other wolf-woman, perhaps as a way to, "Get me off her back" as, me having her heart, is problematic to her.
It is possible, these bad actors did not know it was illegal on this level, and that they have attracted the attention of authorities they thought wouldn't act on this... Wolf woman, told me she is far from worried about being, "caught", as the realm within this planet is absolutely massive, possibly, even more expansive than this planets surface. And, there are MANY civiliations down there, and, also, that this particular wolf-woman, is of a lboodline that is known to be, vicious, cruel, and bloodthristy, so she fits right in, with these, "Dangerous" characters.
Further, someone on this forum, told me, this particular, wolf woman, "Might not be good for you." and I believe, THIS... is what they saw about her.
I was... So in love with her. I didn;t care that, she has been a thorn in my side my entire life, or, that, she even tried to kill me from time to time.
I didn;t care, that she basically tortured my emotional body to death.
I didn't care.
I love... Her. (I don;t want to say, past tense. I am not willing to give up on her, at least... Not yet.)
When, I felt my emotional body- which is basically just a clone. What religion believes is a soul, is a mystification of cloning technology, and souls are cloned bodies that are infused with these, creational waters of experience. This is why people have, "Charactristics" that seem innate: because they are.
Wbhen I felt myself being digested, namely, the intestinesof this emotional body of mine, and yes, you can suffer horrific things in these realsm that woudl instantly kill a mortal human being, but in these realms, life is preserved, it is a form of punishment of immortal beings by our creators, and it is every bit as horrific as can be imaged..
When I felt myself being disgested by her body, the universe, god, I don;t know, a controller, came to me, perhaps an AI, and asked me, what did I wish to do, as I am the victim, here, and I now have options... I could have killed her... Given her cancer, or some awful thing, this is, before I knew this recent revelation... I chose the option, to give her life... To give her love. To use my life force, my essence, to propel her being that much longer, as a living being.
I did so with joy, and gladness, as, I loved, and still love, her.
I asked her, and the universe, what I should call this thread, as this is about her, her people, possibly- I went some REALLY scary places in the underworld with her, from what I can gather, and someone else can back me up on that as I believe, they, too, witnessed all this.
They said, it would be acceptable, to title this as, "The most dangerous girl in Eden."
She is, billed as, what we may call, "Armed and dangerous".
I still, do not know what is real, and what is not.
I know, the wolf people who call themselves, the "WolFen" with an "F", are known to be gentle, kind, empathic beings, who do not cause trouble, and will come to the aid of beings who have nothing to offer them in return, out of kindness.
The WolVen, with a "V", while not the polar opposite to every extent, essentially, are the bullies... The killers... Their way of life, while ordered, can be harsh and brutal, and if given the opportunity, they WILL EAT you, and they will not care how unpleasant it is for the one being eaten (though not always...)
Why even talk about this, because IT IS REAL.
I believe, what I was told, that, Hitler era Nazis discovered a portal, to these worlds, these realms, within this planet, that some religious texts describe as "paradise" and "eden".
It is NOT all paradise, down there.
I was shown, 9 layers of this planets crust, maybe 4,000 miles thick, and "kingdoms" left here, by the, who I believe, are the Anunnaki.
Earth being a "Prison planet" is not, really, too far from the truth. Some beings who are trapped in the layers of, what amounts to, "hell" are immortal beings, who are being punished for an uprising on Nibiru. They are housed by machines that are, controlled via crystals, and are, billions of years old, and billions of years more advanced than anything the human race will ever have, on this planet.
I, was subjected to one of those machines, with, said, wolf person.
I am, largely UNSURE of, how the, "Spirit of the wolf" has played in this, outside of, it has been my friend, AND my enemy, my entire life, and I am unsure of how to assess that, because I know, wolves can be "good", and they can also, be "bad".
Where does this leave me, well, I do not know. My journey, has taken an abrupt turn, with this knowledge, about this wolf woman, and her, showing herself to me. She, only showed me these things, when I was courageous enough, to brave the idea of, "losing" her... As, she, may be aware, if she breaks my heart badly enough: hers will also fail. I havem little doubt, she would have killed me by now, if it weren;t for this fact, and, that, I may also, be a slumbering God, myself, who coudl destroy her, if and when I become awake enough.
THIS is why, people instinctively, do not like this, wolf woman, whom I am, madly, passionately, in love with... Who has, been my tormentor, and savior both... People do not understand, she is the only light I have, in what feels like, an eternal darkness I willingly allowed myself to be plunged into, when I, "Sold my soul", 23 years ago.
I am, unsure of where to go with this information. the places I was shown, when wolf woman opened up to me, are places I instinctively, recoil away from. They are places I was likely before, and experienced trauma, I, "know" what waits for those who are too soft to defend themselves, there. I also know, a part of me, towers over these things, and I can, "Take authority" over much, maybe all of them- I asked, "wolf girl, would you, be willing, to just... .Settle down with me... What;s done, is done... I have no desire to, "turn you in" to face any sort of punishment, nor would I, realistically want to be part of something that would injure you, in fact, experiencing your heart the way I did, I would rather, just have my memory wiped and you go on with your life, than hold you accountable... Would you, just settle down with me, somewhere, out of danger?"
She, said, she is too busy, having fun, being, a "wild wolf girl" in the dangerous parts of town, and that, I am boring. She said, I could, "Go with" her to these dangerous parts that, frankly, frighten me, and, she would accept me as her mate, so long as I did not try to control her life... And, the things she showed me, were, partially enticing... I do, share a heart with her, after all, and I did, give her life from my life force, and I do not, by many means and measures, regret these experiences.
Assuming this is true, assuming the person on this forum who, in private, said, this wolf woman may not be good for me, backs this up, perhaps this thread can shine some light into what goes on, in the worlds, below our feet... A world, that is closer to us than we think... Where there are angels AND monsters.
As has been said, I am not always right, and things are not always real- it is possible, "Wolf girl", is fantasizing this up, she is dreaming about being an outlaw, as what was revealed to me, is that, while she has lived WITH the wolfen people, she is, the more wild, wolven, a product of, from what I was told, "Adams fall from Eden", when some of his, children, who were wolf-people, gave up their Edenite status to live with him, except he was so angry about being kicked out, he essentially, tortured them into becoming genetically predisposed to cruelty- as I say, humans on this planet, of whom I am one, do not fear wolves. We fear the wolven, acting through wolves. The wolf, and the wolfen, have become our canines, our dogs, who protect and love us unconditionally... But the wolven are not this way. They are not explicitly our enemies, but they are NOT our friends.
And, I share a heart with one, which grants me a unique look into her thoughts, her feelings, her desires, and entire worlds that live below our feet.
I can, safely call, even with Eden's permission (Their words) the most dangerous girl in Eden.
I also, know her name, and I am not allowed to speak it, however, she has a nickname, that sounds cute, but it gruesome if I ere to explain it: "Inchy.'
It also rhymes with her real name.
As far as everything else, the wolfen people, their king, who was injured so terribly by her, I wish them nothing but peace... During my time around them, I was prompted to make many, many mistakes, and "Inchy" tells me, it's not really m fault, as they were, conspiring against me to fuck up so badly that the corrupt religious within the wolfen tribe, were hoping I would be, "Put away".
But just like them, hoping I would be left for dead, within those terrible prison machines, Inchy, gave her heart so that "I" would continue to live, and the religious wolven, who were hoping to maintain their power over the softer wolfen people, have been thwarted, found out, and are now, facing justice for what they have done.
"Inchy" as I may choose to call her, is another story... If what I am feeling right now is real, she knew, she fucked up, she knew, she was going to be in SERIOUS trouble, and she, when she volunteered her heart, to bring the man she tortured to death back to life- in a plot to escape what would have been swift and terrible judgment for all involved: She hopes that, by being bonded to me, that I will absolve her of her crimes, and that, in a way, it is like, a woman, who has been found guilty of a social crime, sort of, batting her eyes, blushing, and essentially offering herself as a slave, to attone for her crimes, now that she has been found out.
Little miss "Inchy" over here might be doing that to me, right now.
I am unsure how to feel about that, as she is, and as I say, what amounts to, and I am NOT BEYOND BEING MANIPULATED, the "woman of my dreams"- or so I thought before this, as when I was a teenager, I grieved, deeply, in ymy very spirit, that wolf-people, and especially, wolf-woman did not exist- and she IS hot, attractive, and beautiful, sexy, with a high libido- and, I am in love with her heart (Which is a natural product of having her heart, "completing" mine, she is, my "other half", her heart was "cloned" to bring the human back to life, creating this bond her and I share- and I severely do not mind the fact that she is huge, has big teeth, is willing to break the law, and was cruel to me in ways I cannot even describe- yes, I am aware of what stockholm syndrome is, and yes, she is, probably, not "good" for me, unless she repents of, being, a bad girl, which she is, capable of, and even, "sort of" wants to do, if her back was to a corner.)
Outside of this new revelatory information, I need a drink.
I am, unsure of what to do with her, "Letting her go" is, almost impossible, as in order to do that, it would likely kill us both, and if I did release her, and she got into trouble, it would affect me directly, in very sudden, and potentially life altering ways, so, it is in my best interests, to keep an eye on her, and, to watch over her, AND, to "guide" her "gently" out of trouble she may choose to get in, as what I found out about her today, while she is not, a coke snorting meth addict, she is, a pretty wild and untamed wolf person, and the things she wanted me to do with her, were wild, dangerous, and frankly, terrifying. (Like having sex over pools of lava... Or venturing into the reptilian realms where even the reptoid peoples fear to go. Places, where, "crime" happens and it's just allowed to exist. Because, Adam wasn't our only source of, negativity.)
I have no idea what to do, I keep finding out, I am in over my head, I am, hopelessly in love with this, wolf woman who's heart I share, I am so in love with her I am almost going out of my mind about it, I do not want my love affair with her to end, not at all, as "bad" as she is, she is my ONLY LIGHT in what feels like an INFINITE VOID OF DAMNATION...
I DID feel her heart resonating perfectly with mine, and what I felt from her heart, was beautiful... And I also admit, fully, she has been hiding a LOT from me. I also, weirdly, wouldn't change a thing, maybe the terror of damnation and the helplessness of it all, maybe THAT, and, being eaten was TERRIBLE, and she, and others prolonged it, over DECADES of life, it was terrible, however feeling myself giving her life willingly, as an act of love, was more intimate than any sexual experience I have had... FAR more intimate. Like skipping the "Bringing life into this world" (Funny how we instinctively say, "into" and not, "onto", as if what I was shown is real, our souls, actually originate within this planet...) a and giving someone you love, life, directly, from your life source. I guess, that is why, she feels like, my daughter, AND my wife, at the same time...
And...
I fucking love her. God damn it. I love her so deeply, the carnal things I want to do to her body are just the beginning... I am madly in love with her. In a way, this changes nothing... Not how I feel about her, nothing. I was, always told, there are things about her, she is hiding from me, that will, make me angry with her... I am told I don't know the half of them. Yet.
If, what I was shown is real, if I have a brother on Nibiru, if I am, technically, an Anunnaki entity, and as was confirmed here, this is a huge astral, reality TV show starring me and wolf girl, that this is also, an experiment in the limits of love. I was shown, and I believe it to be real, many hearts are involved with this, spiritually speaking... As even scientifically "they" are discovering that much of who we are in in our gut... What she ate... And, that the heart has actual neurons (What makes our brains able to think) so wolf girl and I, share a pericardial sack, in a way, and while it is known, in such unions- some are done astrally when two people love each other so-much, it is also a death sentence as well, as when one dies, the other usually follows shortly after. It can also be the beginning of an eternal pairing.
Also she's hot, God, is she gorgeous, the wolf woman I saw, wild, leather jacket wearing, spiky collar, on a black motorcycle, with long, white hair, tall, long legs, bare feet, god, she oozes sex... Just oozes desire... If it wasn't for the fact that when men look at her, they instinctively know she is dangerous, she would be the most popular girl in Eden... I also must add this: she is, slightly, or more than slightly, pained, that i am speaking this way about her. I am, not sure why.
She, had a traumatic, VERY traumatic thing happen when she was a little wolf-girl-girl, and she has abandonment wounds, trust issues, her wolven DNA also makes her prone to vicious rage, an loose sexual ways, which, when you pair a woman with the head the size of a polar bear with a rage that will rip a living thing to shreds and enjoy every blissful second of it, things can be problematic- and I am not condemning her over this, just that, it's "there".
One of the reason why she is not so afraid of being "caught", is, she is, literally, terrifying, and can fly into a wolven blood lust rage that is the terror of her realm- not that she is invincible, just that, her people are known to be dangerous.
Is is why I sometimes black out in a rage, and do terrible things I regret usually, the rest of my life- it's not just the frustration from my trauma as an abused child, it is her, having fun, through me, and if I do not control it, nothing would be left alive. It is good skill for a soldier to have, as I once was, but it is bad, for a civilian to have.
So: Maybe, this is the beginning of my reconciliation with this, wolf creature, that, I cannot deny, I love, and not only love, have loved through, some very awful things, and still, strangely, I love her more today, having discovered more about her, than I did when I first saw her, naked, ashamed, afraid, and standing just behind the light.
I WILL ALSO SAY THIS, about her, so please, don't judge her, she is, self conscious, and has self esteem issues... And if I am ashamed of ANYTHING about her, it wounds her so badly she feels my shame as if it is her own. She is, actually, for her frame, a sensitive woman. Dare I even say, she can be kind, caring, and loving... I know... SO can most beings, and most beings would never hurt someone like she did me. I know. Perhaps I am trying to make the best of a bad situation.
That also said, if someone came to me, and told me, they could, and would, sever the connection with her fully... At this time I would completely refuse it, even if it meant I would be fully healed.
For what it's worth, i do still wish to be healed, and working for it... I just... Don't want to be without this, wolf person. She has come to mean a lot to me, but I am also acknowledging she has been a pain my ass too, and me, her.
I am, unsure, of what these new revelations mean, to her, and to me.
I will, have to, speak with her about it, further.
Thank you for reading.
So I spoke to her, before sending this off, to see, what could be understood, and, she shared some insecurities she has about her physical body (That keep coming up. I believe they are real.)
I am not going to describe this particular one, but I asked her, why are you, sensitive... About this.
And, the answer came to me, whether, she admitted it, or it was, "forced out of her" she said, because, she felt rejected by her tribe as a child, and she, then, rejected herself over if, as children often do, and I struggle with this, too... But as I pried it out of her, she, must have experienced some healing from it, because, as she seemed to heal, it also healed me, too, in the form of, a loosening of tension, in my belly/gut area, that had been tensed up due to trauma. It felt good.
Also, she may be, being forced to tell me these things, because, she is, in some way, already "caught" and is now having to, "fess up".
I also asked her, why she was so god damned beautiful, and she said, there is a part of her, that is a succubus, and that succubi are rarely ugly. Well, that makes sense, to be honest. There is a part of, "her" that is, this, dark, vapor like spirit, in one of the nine layers, who is, feeding off of my "energy", but that, strangely, I don't mind, too much, I know it's not ideal, but the idea of, feeding a part of her and making it happy, kind of feels good.
Ugh I know how bad this all sounds.
I keep saying this, but there are two things I know, for certain:
Wolf girl, exists, and, that I love her.
She is revealing, she is, concerned I will abandon her, and, I was told by a "friend of hers" if I do, she will, have nowhere to turn- now I see why- she would be lost. She was, trying to keep these things from me.
So, I endeavored, to be kind to her, in spite of it, and I know, even SHE doesn't respect me for that, and a part of her wants to be punished for what she's done, I guess, it is up to me, to, "Press charges", which is funny, because all I want to do is press myself, well. I won't go there, but I am rather smitten with her, as sharing a heart, and as I said, if something awful must be done with her, I would rather she go free, and me forget about this, except, even the idea of forgetting about her, "breaks" my heart. Maybe, this heart-meld was her insurance policy, that would keep her safe, her, "Get out of hell free" card, by bonding with me like this. Is it bad, I kinda don't mind?
And, she has protected me, once, or twice, in my life, and may have... "Bumped off" a person who offended me... She is, however, a bit jealous, and she, tends to "like" people who end up being awful people, in my life, for romantic partners. I get it... She's jealous. I'm fucking jealous too, and she knows it.
When, I saw her being created, I have memories of this, "I" wanted her to be horny, so I had them add that to her, "soul", except, they warned me, they gave her the maximum amount of libido, they said, any more, waters of, sex/lust/passion and she would be "unhealthy", I think the word is, "Nymphomaniac", so you can imagine, that mixing with the other parts of her...
I can, literally, hear the people, saying, Dave, that is bad, this is ALL BAD... And me, over here, saying, yeah, I know... But, I don't want any of it changed, and I, kinda like the girl...
Also, there is, this, human woman I met years ago, the wife of, some, older fireplace salesman in town, she is, just beautiful, I could FEEL her attraction to her husband which, in people of that age, is not something one experiences, but it left an impression on me, I have not forgotten her, or how she made me feel, the love she had, the passion, for her husband, I could FEEL it... That, is what wolf-girl would be like, if she was more ordered, for a man she loved and cared for. Disciplined...
I should also mention, she is former military. She, shared with me, before our, 2, or 3 year anniversary (I drink a lot and have forgotten a lot. I am drinking less) her, "Warriors resume", and it is, a difficult thing to accept, as, she is, very much a bad ass killer of men, and she has, roared, running into battle, she is, very courageous, and is scared of nothing, except, I guess, being abandoned by me (How weird I was so afraid of losing her, and she even tortured me over it, and now, I am discovering, how vulnerable she truly is. I think, she was scared of me finding out, at least I hope she was, and that she just wasn't a sadistic POS, torturing me because she likes that, but because, she was genuinely worried I would turn against her and hurt her. I think, with the person i USED to be, and her, having known me, all of my life, her fears were genuine, as I used to be, a pretty terrible person. Well. The truth is. When her heart completed me, she realistically could hide nothing from me because of it. Memories, yes, because they are not stored in the heart, but the way she "feels", is very true.)
Also, early on in the visions, for anyone not familiar with the other thread:
Early morning, I woke up, as the sun rose, and my consciousness was transported, to a dark place, where a light, shone around my, "emotional body", and just outside of this light, stood, on two feet, this creature who was, half wolf, and half human, and, who, was, and still is, stunningly beautiful, too ashamed to step into the light, her fingers folded together- ah- yes- this makes sense, it is likely the Eden police doing this, to show her to me, because she would have run off if it were not so and abandoned me- standing there, naked, hairless, and having reverted to a feral version of herself.
I was told, to assume NOTHING about her, as, all of my life, I had, wanted to live with people like her, and to marry one, and to have a relationship with one, I haven't really ever felt too "human" or attracted to humans, as a result of trauma, perhaps, but wolf-women appealed to me in ways a human woman never could.
So, after I calmed down enough, a few weeks later, I was given the second vision: I was, again, transported to her, the wolf girl, (Wolf woman, but she is, I believe, still a girl, within herself. so wolf girl.) and this time, someone took her heart, and my heart, and connected them together: and they beat in perfect unison. She, "Completed" me that morning, and in a romantic sense, she, was my "other half", and a part of me, who was looking for her, and found her: could have, "died happy" feeling her, complete me like that.
Again, I was cautioned, not to assume anything, because, a part of me, that I could scarcely control, was already falling in love with her.
And, for the third vision, after I calmed down, each time, in the morning, as the sun rose: my mind was connected to hers: And I was able to ask her 2 questions that were pre planned, and I snuck a third one in, because I wanted to ask her something personal.
The answers (You can guess the questions)
1. She hates God (I thought she was a demon. She is not. She does not hate God. She hates a God who would, "do this to her" so to speak. Put her in this position, of the events that lead to this. Maybe, exposing her.)
I have, been in the throws of, a relationship, with this woman, this wolf woman, I called, "Asrael", as I thought, she was, a "demon", as she, manifested in dark caverns that, are closer to, what coudl be called, hell, than not.
I began posting multiple replies in the other threa,d however, I am, EXTREMELY prompted to make this new thread:
I met her.
I met wolf girl.
And, I saw, and came to knowledge... Much was explained.
Quickly: Much of my life has been hard, unseen forces have been trying to kill me since before I was born. My life, has been cursed, depression has nearly taken me out constanty, since I was a child, and I have been severely abused and traumatized in ways that can only be described as, "personal".
I was, willing to trade my soul (emotional body) for sex when I was in my twenties, and from my then religious perspective, I "Lost my soul to the devil" during a horrific spiritual attack that I felt, and while my physical body survived, my emotional one didn't.
I died that day, in a horrific way that words cannot describe, and, that, frankly, nobody really wants to hear about, so I will spare you the details.
Being, eaten alive by an eight foot tall, five hundred forty six pound, wolf-woman, who HATES you, is, terrible.
I have, visions of her, two, or three years ago, and even naked, hairless, and ashamed of herself, she is, the most beautiful woman I have laid eyes on, part-wolf and everything... She is my other half. And, I felt her heart, complete me.
Here is why I am making this new thread, and I hope it is accepted:
What she did was a crime. It's illegal to do what she did, her, and the people involved, which is why it has been so secret: She is a wanted women.
You CANNOT torture people like that, legally, and do, what happened, and she was involved with, and it be legal.
I asked her, why, then, did you give me your heart?
She answered: "Because, if you would have remained dead, my punishment would be execution, and I would be wanted for murder, whereas, now I am only wanted for torture."
ALRIGHTY WOLF GIRL!!!
So, she is a wanted woman, from what I can tell, and in my conversation with her, she took me to some TERRIFYING places, and it turns out, this place called, "eden", is only PARTIALLY a paradise, there are places, where if you travel to them, are so dark, unless you are a hardened entity, your chances of leaving them are almost none. Places, like, "Bad" areas of towns here on Earth, but, that, within the earth, there are monster like beings there who are inclined to EAT you.
In Eden, no such places exist, and, it is a very SAFE and wonderful place to be.
Why I am making this thread, I do not know, other than, I want to write a separate thread, about this, wolf entity I share a heart with.
The reason my journey with her has been so terrible and filled with pain and fear is, A. she broke the law, and B. she has, gone renegade. I was shown, things, about her, that are NOT real. She has, been trying to, hurt me, push me away, break my heart, but only to a degree that she, herself can stand, BECAUSE WE NOW SHARE A HEART.
I DO NOT want to think, I am, some weak thing she plucked from the universe, that, she, hoped, would, "check out" early as, she, tormented me my entire life, essentially...
However, that may be the case.
There are a few things, that stand out to me, that are strange: I saw her soul being created, and was a part of it. This is how I know, her libido is "More than usual for her kind." I saw, the living waters that went into her creation. HOW IS IT I know this.
I, also, died, as a child, and I was transported to, this place, where these waters flow like, living rainbows, in deep caverns in this planets crust. These waters can "Assume" things and hold experiences, like love, sex, hatred, whatever- and they resonate, and have a frequency. When I died, I was, "Soaked" in the waters of love. This, was, in part, permuted to this wolf woman, I call her a wolf girl, perhaps because she was traumatized as a child and has never grown up.
I, thought, this was, every day "shit" happening in, a world within this planet, that, these spirit machines, I have seen in the nine layers of this planets crust, put here, by a race of alien people who engineered us (humans), was a common thing... It is not.
What I endured by those machines, it turns out, was HIGHLY illegal, I was, abducted by malevolent entities and used for nefarious purposes, and the victim of something that can only be described as horrific.
I have, a thirty-eight page thread here, and another large one on another forum, TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT... Except, I think I finally got the answers I was looking for.
It is heart wrenching to me... What was done.
It is, heart breaking, that this, wolf woman has led me on, that she has, tried to deceive me, to cover up what she, and others did to my emotional body... All because, feelings were hurt, and power was threatened (By a tribe of religious, wolf-human hybrids within this planet) and so illegal, immoral, and evil plans were hatched to destroy someone, using me, as a catalyst for it. If people want the details, I was told them, but the person who told me, is a suspect in this too.
My only light in this, is... Wolf woman, cared enough to show me a, "Better for me" other wolf-woman, perhaps as a way to, "Get me off her back" as, me having her heart, is problematic to her.
It is possible, these bad actors did not know it was illegal on this level, and that they have attracted the attention of authorities they thought wouldn't act on this... Wolf woman, told me she is far from worried about being, "caught", as the realm within this planet is absolutely massive, possibly, even more expansive than this planets surface. And, there are MANY civiliations down there, and, also, that this particular wolf-woman, is of a lboodline that is known to be, vicious, cruel, and bloodthristy, so she fits right in, with these, "Dangerous" characters.
Further, someone on this forum, told me, this particular, wolf woman, "Might not be good for you." and I believe, THIS... is what they saw about her.
I was... So in love with her. I didn;t care that, she has been a thorn in my side my entire life, or, that, she even tried to kill me from time to time.
I didn;t care, that she basically tortured my emotional body to death.
I didn't care.
I love... Her. (I don;t want to say, past tense. I am not willing to give up on her, at least... Not yet.)
When, I felt my emotional body- which is basically just a clone. What religion believes is a soul, is a mystification of cloning technology, and souls are cloned bodies that are infused with these, creational waters of experience. This is why people have, "Charactristics" that seem innate: because they are.
Wbhen I felt myself being digested, namely, the intestinesof this emotional body of mine, and yes, you can suffer horrific things in these realsm that woudl instantly kill a mortal human being, but in these realms, life is preserved, it is a form of punishment of immortal beings by our creators, and it is every bit as horrific as can be imaged..
When I felt myself being disgested by her body, the universe, god, I don;t know, a controller, came to me, perhaps an AI, and asked me, what did I wish to do, as I am the victim, here, and I now have options... I could have killed her... Given her cancer, or some awful thing, this is, before I knew this recent revelation... I chose the option, to give her life... To give her love. To use my life force, my essence, to propel her being that much longer, as a living being.
I did so with joy, and gladness, as, I loved, and still love, her.
I asked her, and the universe, what I should call this thread, as this is about her, her people, possibly- I went some REALLY scary places in the underworld with her, from what I can gather, and someone else can back me up on that as I believe, they, too, witnessed all this.
They said, it would be acceptable, to title this as, "The most dangerous girl in Eden."
She is, billed as, what we may call, "Armed and dangerous".
I still, do not know what is real, and what is not.
I know, the wolf people who call themselves, the "WolFen" with an "F", are known to be gentle, kind, empathic beings, who do not cause trouble, and will come to the aid of beings who have nothing to offer them in return, out of kindness.
The WolVen, with a "V", while not the polar opposite to every extent, essentially, are the bullies... The killers... Their way of life, while ordered, can be harsh and brutal, and if given the opportunity, they WILL EAT you, and they will not care how unpleasant it is for the one being eaten (though not always...)
Why even talk about this, because IT IS REAL.
I believe, what I was told, that, Hitler era Nazis discovered a portal, to these worlds, these realms, within this planet, that some religious texts describe as "paradise" and "eden".
It is NOT all paradise, down there.
I was shown, 9 layers of this planets crust, maybe 4,000 miles thick, and "kingdoms" left here, by the, who I believe, are the Anunnaki.
Earth being a "Prison planet" is not, really, too far from the truth. Some beings who are trapped in the layers of, what amounts to, "hell" are immortal beings, who are being punished for an uprising on Nibiru. They are housed by machines that are, controlled via crystals, and are, billions of years old, and billions of years more advanced than anything the human race will ever have, on this planet.
I, was subjected to one of those machines, with, said, wolf person.
I am, largely UNSURE of, how the, "Spirit of the wolf" has played in this, outside of, it has been my friend, AND my enemy, my entire life, and I am unsure of how to assess that, because I know, wolves can be "good", and they can also, be "bad".
Where does this leave me, well, I do not know. My journey, has taken an abrupt turn, with this knowledge, about this wolf woman, and her, showing herself to me. She, only showed me these things, when I was courageous enough, to brave the idea of, "losing" her... As, she, may be aware, if she breaks my heart badly enough: hers will also fail. I havem little doubt, she would have killed me by now, if it weren;t for this fact, and, that, I may also, be a slumbering God, myself, who coudl destroy her, if and when I become awake enough.
THIS is why, people instinctively, do not like this, wolf woman, whom I am, madly, passionately, in love with... Who has, been my tormentor, and savior both... People do not understand, she is the only light I have, in what feels like, an eternal darkness I willingly allowed myself to be plunged into, when I, "Sold my soul", 23 years ago.
I am, unsure of where to go with this information. the places I was shown, when wolf woman opened up to me, are places I instinctively, recoil away from. They are places I was likely before, and experienced trauma, I, "know" what waits for those who are too soft to defend themselves, there. I also know, a part of me, towers over these things, and I can, "Take authority" over much, maybe all of them- I asked, "wolf girl, would you, be willing, to just... .Settle down with me... What;s done, is done... I have no desire to, "turn you in" to face any sort of punishment, nor would I, realistically want to be part of something that would injure you, in fact, experiencing your heart the way I did, I would rather, just have my memory wiped and you go on with your life, than hold you accountable... Would you, just settle down with me, somewhere, out of danger?"
She, said, she is too busy, having fun, being, a "wild wolf girl" in the dangerous parts of town, and that, I am boring. She said, I could, "Go with" her to these dangerous parts that, frankly, frighten me, and, she would accept me as her mate, so long as I did not try to control her life... And, the things she showed me, were, partially enticing... I do, share a heart with her, after all, and I did, give her life from my life force, and I do not, by many means and measures, regret these experiences.
Assuming this is true, assuming the person on this forum who, in private, said, this wolf woman may not be good for me, backs this up, perhaps this thread can shine some light into what goes on, in the worlds, below our feet... A world, that is closer to us than we think... Where there are angels AND monsters.
As has been said, I am not always right, and things are not always real- it is possible, "Wolf girl", is fantasizing this up, she is dreaming about being an outlaw, as what was revealed to me, is that, while she has lived WITH the wolfen people, she is, the more wild, wolven, a product of, from what I was told, "Adams fall from Eden", when some of his, children, who were wolf-people, gave up their Edenite status to live with him, except he was so angry about being kicked out, he essentially, tortured them into becoming genetically predisposed to cruelty- as I say, humans on this planet, of whom I am one, do not fear wolves. We fear the wolven, acting through wolves. The wolf, and the wolfen, have become our canines, our dogs, who protect and love us unconditionally... But the wolven are not this way. They are not explicitly our enemies, but they are NOT our friends.
And, I share a heart with one, which grants me a unique look into her thoughts, her feelings, her desires, and entire worlds that live below our feet.
I also, know her name, and I am not allowed to speak it, however, she has a nickname, that sounds cute, but it gruesome if I ere to explain it: "Inchy.'
It also rhymes with her real name.
As far as everything else, the wolfen people, their king, who was injured so terribly by her, I wish them nothing but peace... During my time around them, I was prompted to make many, many mistakes, and "Inchy" tells me, it's not really m fault, as they were, conspiring against me to fuck up so badly that the corrupt religious within the wolfen tribe, were hoping I would be, "Put away".
But just like them, hoping I would be left for dead, within those terrible prison machines, Inchy, gave her heart so that "I" would continue to live, and the religious wolven, who were hoping to maintain their power over the softer wolfen people, have been thwarted, found out, and are now, facing justice for what they have done.
"Inchy" as I may choose to call her, is another story... If what I am feeling right now is real, she knew, she fucked up, she knew, she was going to be in SERIOUS trouble, and she, when she volunteered her heart, to bring the man she tortured to death back to life- in a plot to escape what would have been swift and terrible judgment for all involved: She hopes that, by being bonded to me, that I will absolve her of her crimes, and that, in a way, it is like, a woman, who has been found guilty of a social crime, sort of, batting her eyes, blushing, and essentially offering herself as a slave, to attone for her crimes, now that she has been found out.
Little miss "Inchy" over here might be doing that to me, right now.
I am unsure how to feel about that, as she is, and as I say, what amounts to, and I am NOT BEYOND BEING MANIPULATED, the "woman of my dreams"- or so I thought before this, as when I was a teenager, I grieved, deeply, in ymy very spirit, that wolf-people, and especially, wolf-woman did not exist- and she IS hot, attractive, and beautiful, sexy, with a high libido- and, I am in love with her heart (Which is a natural product of having her heart, "completing" mine, she is, my "other half", her heart was "cloned" to bring the human back to life, creating this bond her and I share- and I severely do not mind the fact that she is huge, has big teeth, is willing to break the law, and was cruel to me in ways I cannot even describe- yes, I am aware of what stockholm syndrome is, and yes, she is, probably, not "good" for me, unless she repents of, being, a bad girl, which she is, capable of, and even, "sort of" wants to do, if her back was to a corner.)
Outside of this new revelatory information, I need a drink.
I am, unsure of what to do with her, "Letting her go" is, almost impossible, as in order to do that, it would likely kill us both, and if I did release her, and she got into trouble, it would affect me directly, in very sudden, and potentially life altering ways, so, it is in my best interests, to keep an eye on her, and, to watch over her, AND, to "guide" her "gently" out of trouble she may choose to get in, as what I found out about her today, while she is not, a coke snorting meth addict, she is, a pretty wild and untamed wolf person, and the things she wanted me to do with her, were wild, dangerous, and frankly, terrifying. (Like having sex over pools of lava... Or venturing into the reptilian realms where even the reptoid peoples fear to go. Places, where, "crime" happens and it's just allowed to exist. Because, Adam wasn't our only source of, negativity.)
I have no idea what to do, I keep finding out, I am in over my head, I am, hopelessly in love with this, wolf woman who's heart I share, I am so in love with her I am almost going out of my mind about it, I do not want my love affair with her to end, not at all, as "bad" as she is, she is my ONLY LIGHT in what feels like an INFINITE VOID OF DAMNATION...
I DID feel her heart resonating perfectly with mine, and what I felt from her heart, was beautiful... And I also admit, fully, she has been hiding a LOT from me. I also, weirdly, wouldn't change a thing, maybe the terror of damnation and the helplessness of it all, maybe THAT, and, being eaten was TERRIBLE, and she, and others prolonged it, over DECADES of life, it was terrible, however feeling myself giving her life willingly, as an act of love, was more intimate than any sexual experience I have had... FAR more intimate. Like skipping the "Bringing life into this world" (Funny how we instinctively say, "into" and not, "onto", as if what I was shown is real, our souls, actually originate within this planet...) a and giving someone you love, life, directly, from your life source. I guess, that is why, she feels like, my daughter, AND my wife, at the same time...
And...
I fucking love her. God damn it. I love her so deeply, the carnal things I want to do to her body are just the beginning... I am madly in love with her. In a way, this changes nothing... Not how I feel about her, nothing. I was, always told, there are things about her, she is hiding from me, that will, make me angry with her... I am told I don't know the half of them. Yet.
If, what I was shown is real, if I have a brother on Nibiru, if I am, technically, an Anunnaki entity, and as was confirmed here, this is a huge astral, reality TV show starring me and wolf girl, that this is also, an experiment in the limits of love. I was shown, and I believe it to be real, many hearts are involved with this, spiritually speaking... As even scientifically "they" are discovering that much of who we are in in our gut... What she ate... And, that the heart has actual neurons (What makes our brains able to think) so wolf girl and I, share a pericardial sack, in a way, and while it is known, in such unions- some are done astrally when two people love each other so-much, it is also a death sentence as well, as when one dies, the other usually follows shortly after. It can also be the beginning of an eternal pairing.
Also she's hot, God, is she gorgeous, the wolf woman I saw, wild, leather jacket wearing, spiky collar, on a black motorcycle, with long, white hair, tall, long legs, bare feet, god, she oozes sex... Just oozes desire... If it wasn't for the fact that when men look at her, they instinctively know she is dangerous, she would be the most popular girl in Eden... I also must add this: she is, slightly, or more than slightly, pained, that i am speaking this way about her. I am, not sure why.
She, had a traumatic, VERY traumatic thing happen when she was a little wolf-girl-girl, and she has abandonment wounds, trust issues, her wolven DNA also makes her prone to vicious rage, an loose sexual ways, which, when you pair a woman with the head the size of a polar bear with a rage that will rip a living thing to shreds and enjoy every blissful second of it, things can be problematic- and I am not condemning her over this, just that, it's "there".
One of the reason why she is not so afraid of being "caught", is, she is, literally, terrifying, and can fly into a wolven blood lust rage that is the terror of her realm- not that she is invincible, just that, her people are known to be dangerous.
Is is why I sometimes black out in a rage, and do terrible things I regret usually, the rest of my life- it's not just the frustration from my trauma as an abused child, it is her, having fun, through me, and if I do not control it, nothing would be left alive. It is good skill for a soldier to have, as I once was, but it is bad, for a civilian to have.
So: Maybe, this is the beginning of my reconciliation with this, wolf creature, that, I cannot deny, I love, and not only love, have loved through, some very awful things, and still, strangely, I love her more today, having discovered more about her, than I did when I first saw her, naked, ashamed, afraid, and standing just behind the light.
I WILL ALSO SAY THIS, about her, so please, don't judge her, she is, self conscious, and has self esteem issues... And if I am ashamed of ANYTHING about her, it wounds her so badly she feels my shame as if it is her own. She is, actually, for her frame, a sensitive woman. Dare I even say, she can be kind, caring, and loving... I know... SO can most beings, and most beings would never hurt someone like she did me. I know. Perhaps I am trying to make the best of a bad situation.
That also said, if someone came to me, and told me, they could, and would, sever the connection with her fully... At this time I would completely refuse it, even if it meant I would be fully healed.
For what it's worth, i do still wish to be healed, and working for it... I just... Don't want to be without this, wolf person. She has come to mean a lot to me, but I am also acknowledging she has been a pain my ass too, and me, her.
I am, unsure, of what these new revelations mean, to her, and to me.
I will, have to, speak with her about it, further.
Thank you for reading.
So I spoke to her, before sending this off, to see, what could be understood, and, she shared some insecurities she has about her physical body (That keep coming up. I believe they are real.)
I am not going to describe this particular one, but I asked her, why are you, sensitive... About this.
And, the answer came to me, whether, she admitted it, or it was, "forced out of her" she said, because, she felt rejected by her tribe as a child, and she, then, rejected herself over if, as children often do, and I struggle with this, too... But as I pried it out of her, she, must have experienced some healing from it, because, as she seemed to heal, it also healed me, too, in the form of, a loosening of tension, in my belly/gut area, that had been tensed up due to trauma. It felt good.
Also, she may be, being forced to tell me these things, because, she is, in some way, already "caught" and is now having to, "fess up".
I also asked her, why she was so god damned beautiful, and she said, there is a part of her, that is a succubus, and that succubi are rarely ugly. Well, that makes sense, to be honest. There is a part of, "her" that is, this, dark, vapor like spirit, in one of the nine layers, who is, feeding off of my "energy", but that, strangely, I don't mind, too much, I know it's not ideal, but the idea of, feeding a part of her and making it happy, kind of feels good.
Ugh I know how bad this all sounds.
I keep saying this, but there are two things I know, for certain:
Wolf girl, exists, and, that I love her.
She is revealing, she is, concerned I will abandon her, and, I was told by a "friend of hers" if I do, she will, have nowhere to turn- now I see why- she would be lost. She was, trying to keep these things from me.
So, I endeavored, to be kind to her, in spite of it, and I know, even SHE doesn't respect me for that, and a part of her wants to be punished for what she's done, I guess, it is up to me, to, "Press charges", which is funny, because all I want to do is press myself, well. I won't go there, but I am rather smitten with her, as sharing a heart, and as I said, if something awful must be done with her, I would rather she go free, and me forget about this, except, even the idea of forgetting about her, "breaks" my heart. Maybe, this heart-meld was her insurance policy, that would keep her safe, her, "Get out of hell free" card, by bonding with me like this. Is it bad, I kinda don't mind?
And, she has protected me, once, or twice, in my life, and may have... "Bumped off" a person who offended me... She is, however, a bit jealous, and she, tends to "like" people who end up being awful people, in my life, for romantic partners. I get it... She's jealous. I'm fucking jealous too, and she knows it.
When, I saw her being created, I have memories of this, "I" wanted her to be horny, so I had them add that to her, "soul", except, they warned me, they gave her the maximum amount of libido, they said, any more, waters of, sex/lust/passion and she would be "unhealthy", I think the word is, "Nymphomaniac", so you can imagine, that mixing with the other parts of her...
I can, literally, hear the people, saying, Dave, that is bad, this is ALL BAD... And me, over here, saying, yeah, I know... But, I don't want any of it changed, and I, kinda like the girl...
Also, there is, this, human woman I met years ago, the wife of, some, older fireplace salesman in town, she is, just beautiful, I could FEEL her attraction to her husband which, in people of that age, is not something one experiences, but it left an impression on me, I have not forgotten her, or how she made me feel, the love she had, the passion, for her husband, I could FEEL it... That, is what wolf-girl would be like, if she was more ordered, for a man she loved and cared for. Disciplined...
I should also mention, she is former military. She, shared with me, before our, 2, or 3 year anniversary (I drink a lot and have forgotten a lot. I am drinking less) her, "Warriors resume", and it is, a difficult thing to accept, as, she is, very much a bad ass killer of men, and she has, roared, running into battle, she is, very courageous, and is scared of nothing, except, I guess, being abandoned by me (How weird I was so afraid of losing her, and she even tortured me over it, and now, I am discovering, how vulnerable she truly is. I think, she was scared of me finding out, at least I hope she was, and that she just wasn't a sadistic POS, torturing me because she likes that, but because, she was genuinely worried I would turn against her and hurt her. I think, with the person i USED to be, and her, having known me, all of my life, her fears were genuine, as I used to be, a pretty terrible person. Well. The truth is. When her heart completed me, she realistically could hide nothing from me because of it. Memories, yes, because they are not stored in the heart, but the way she "feels", is very true.)
Also, early on in the visions, for anyone not familiar with the other thread:
Early morning, I woke up, as the sun rose, and my consciousness was transported, to a dark place, where a light, shone around my, "emotional body", and just outside of this light, stood, on two feet, this creature who was, half wolf, and half human, and, who, was, and still is, stunningly beautiful, too ashamed to step into the light, her fingers folded together- ah- yes- this makes sense, it is likely the Eden police doing this, to show her to me, because she would have run off if it were not so and abandoned me- standing there, naked, hairless, and having reverted to a feral version of herself.
I was told, to assume NOTHING about her, as, all of my life, I had, wanted to live with people like her, and to marry one, and to have a relationship with one, I haven't really ever felt too "human" or attracted to humans, as a result of trauma, perhaps, but wolf-women appealed to me in ways a human woman never could.
So, after I calmed down enough, a few weeks later, I was given the second vision: I was, again, transported to her, the wolf girl, (Wolf woman, but she is, I believe, still a girl, within herself. so wolf girl.) and this time, someone took her heart, and my heart, and connected them together: and they beat in perfect unison. She, "Completed" me that morning, and in a romantic sense, she, was my "other half", and a part of me, who was looking for her, and found her: could have, "died happy" feeling her, complete me like that.
Again, I was cautioned, not to assume anything, because, a part of me, that I could scarcely control, was already falling in love with her.
And, for the third vision, after I calmed down, each time, in the morning, as the sun rose: my mind was connected to hers: And I was able to ask her 2 questions that were pre planned, and I snuck a third one in, because I wanted to ask her something personal.
The answers (You can guess the questions)
1. She hates God (I thought she was a demon. She is not. She does not hate God. She hates a God who would, "do this to her" so to speak. Put her in this position, of the events that lead to this. Maybe, exposing her.)
2. She hates me (Ouch. Yeah. But it makes sense. Her life was 100% easier and more "fun" in the sadistic sense before I knew she existed. TO be fair, she, may have been trying to flirt with me, unsuccesfully, all of my life, but I always rejected her, and this, made her quite angry. She was, never my "type", and I always looked down at her type, truth be told, I was just intimidated by her. Now that I have abandoned my ideas of "god" that were sold to me as an abused child, I wouldn't mind dating a stone cold bad ass like her. She just should be ready, I bite back. During this, "attack" on my "soul" I felt, 23 years ago, it was her, and other actors associated with her and her group, who, did terrible things to "me" in dark realms, and during the initial attack, I felt, an inhuman hatred of my being, hatred so old and cruel, no human could exude it without being destroyed. I do not believe this was, "her", but it could have been. If it was, then really, I have to re think this entire thing. All I know, is that she is real, and that I love her. I am also aware, I am pure, and innocent, and easily manipulated, and some Anunnaki things that seem, god-like are just parlor tricks to them. Still. I am not opposed to, giving this, wolf woman, genuine love, affection, attention, and etc, in the hopes that, it means something to her. If not, then obviously, shes in trouble, as I will divorce her, if it's needed. It is hard, to think about rejecting someone, who completes you. Who you love like this. Who, has become a light in the darkness... Who you just, love, and cannot really explain it. As for my near death experience, being saturated in love, it's kind of like that. I just fucking love her. It doesn't hurt that she looks like, my perfect, ideal idea of a woman. I can say, my life, isn't boring. )
3. She didn't want to leave, what I assumed, as "hell". I realize, she was being, "Put on the spot" right then, and, she was a mess, her bodily excrement sort of flowed down her, bare skin, she had, bits of, "me" on her face, she felt, she looked ugly, and she was, ashamed of what she had been doing to me, now that she was, "found out". So, she wanted to remain down there.
It took some convincing, from me, I asked her, without forcing her, (I guess she has become, "mine" in that, I can force her to do things, but I refuse to do that.) to come to the surface, and she, finally did... She missed the sun. Or, whatever light it is, there. And, eventually, her fur came back.
Oh, and in one vision I had of her, I saw her, wolfish face, and a tear, falling down her, left, closed eye, and this tear, it washed the "filth of hell" which caked to her like soot, revealing: snow white fur.
I was told, and this vision is most definitely not a trick, as my spirit tends to tell me when I am wrong about something, I was told this vision is figurative, and that, this wolf woman, would eventually change her heart about me, or about life in general (not be so miserable)
I should also add this: After I saw her, I think, after the second vision of the heart melding, I summoned her to me, and I, projected "love" to her body, in an attempt to help her, and she ROARED at me, and went like she was going to maul me, it was terrifying, and I realized, oh boy, I better not try and love her, because man, is she pissed.
After much goading, and hoping, and trying not to, force her, as she was, vulnerable, and I wanted to be gentle with her, not even necessarily for my sake, but hers, as I could tell she was basically laid bare before me, and I could trample her emotions, I tried being gentle, and eventually, she sucked it up, and left the darkness where she was at.
Also, early on after the visions of her, I saw, the entitiy I call, "god" basically just an old nearded man who si in charge of things, I went to him, and asked him, about wolf girl, and hsi thoughts on her, and he showed me a vision:
She, was a young puppy girl-girl, her fur was purple, and her skin was loose, like a puppy, and she, sat on Gods lap, and he, held her, close to himself. In this vision, I was given a feeling, a word:
"Beloved"
She, was, and is, His Beloved. (He loves her)
Which possibly explains why she is so mad at him and why I have struggled with much the same feelings against God (This is one area where her and I used to resonate very well: we were both MAD at the deity.)
Alright well I have to buy alcohol, i am curious as to what she is going to do when I am in a happier mood, perhaps, nothing good, lol, she is not beyond jabbing me and, "Ripping my guts out" for fun sometimes, but other times, she is warm and will party with me. She is, a ball of trauma and fear, and she has been, laid bare before me. I am, trying to make the best out of a situation I have found myself in.
Also, I began writing novels, many, many novels, almost a hundred of them, about, wolf people, before I met, "wolf girl" in the vision, for real.
In these novels, I describe a, "Bond of souls" that is, sort of prophetic, with what she and I share, with our hearts being linked like this. I know, she is, by all measures, a toxic and nasty girl, however, when you feel her heart, as it beats in your chest, you realize, she is someone's daughter... Someone, loves her. She, once called, someone, "Daddy" and looked to her father with such love. She, was traumatized as a child, (told to me by someone who knows her) and this has had more of a lasting effect on her than maybe she wants to admit. (It, uh, does.) She struggles with being adjusted, same as, us humans do, with being decent, and by the way: she uses 100% of her brain. My, "Consciousness" was expanded, last year I believe, and it felt like i was going insane, but it needed to happen, so I could, better receive the truth of Eden, as an Edenite, and not a human, whos intellect was limited.
She is a VERY smart girl.
However, she also has the same insecurities and troubles we do, in many ways, she is, just like us, just, smarter, with access to things that would, inspire awe in a regular, human.
I also know she is VERY capable of deceiving me, her, and her group, and I believe, some, even on this forum, see it.
I know, it's... problematic that I... Don't really want to be rid of her. That... Even though she can be cranky, I miss her when I don't talk to her.
My heart, hears the words I say to her, with my mouth, yes, like a crazy guy, talking to himself, or some thing only he can see, yes, crazy, but my heart feels the words I speak, and her heart is connected to mine, so her heart, also feels the words I speak, and then, she, replies, though, I struggle to, "listen" to her, as she has been a bit hostile and I have blocked her out for my sake... When I am quiet and listen, the things she says, are, and have been 100% correct and true, a fact she is rather proud of lol.
She has, given me advice that has helped me, in life, immensely, and she says, if I would JUST LISTEN MORE, she can make me a man of power and wealth, which would, she says, occupy me and make her happy, because she feels the poverty I am in and doesn't like it. The power thing appeals more to her than me, but, okay, it's not like I'll turn it down, necessarily, as long as it is not annoying.
So, that is my wolf girl, she is, very much, a red blooded woman, with wolf instincts, I happen to love her very much, she is a source of, hope for me, where I have had none.
I may also mention, a feral wolf, as I used to work at a wolf sanctuary, with "real wolves" of four feet, bonded with me, and pulled me out of, a life of crime and certain death/imprisonment.
This, astral wolf girl, is puling me out of, the darkest thing I have ever been through: perhaps as penance for the fact that SHE PUT ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL. I won't hold it against her... It doesn't hurt she is gorgeous and I want to hold MYSELF against her (I hate to be such a DOG and typical "male". She is beautiful, and likely used to being hit on, and has, grown to resent some male affection, so I must be careful, not to throw myself on her, and to allow her to come to me, which she does, from time to time. We, have had sex a few times, and it is incredible, and on our anniversary, when she tried getting me to, "marry" another, wolf girl, she said, was "better" for me than she was, but I told her, I love her, she is the one with half of my heart, and she is the one, I gave life to, flaws and all, I know, she's a mess, but I kinda am, too. I don't know what the future holds for us, just that, I love her. And, I hope, when this is over, that her and I are both better because we were in each others lives. If I had my, "Ideally", I would take her, to be my wife, and give her the life she has always wanted, somewhere, where she would be happy. And, I know, I would not truly love her, unless I loved her enough to allow her to be happier, somewhere else. So, I am giving her, that, too. If she decides. She may, take it, and run-off, maybe, likely... It is in my heart, though, that she returns to me, knowing that I do love her, and will not hurt her, and will keep her safe, and that, maybe, after her world has, perhaps, not been kind to her, that I can show her, that she is worthy to be loved. Tha'ts my hope, anyway.)
This.. fugitive stuff, of whatever this is she's revealing to me now that I have stepped out passed more fear, may be memories she has had, or things she wants to do, such as, fantasies she is having, that I am experiencing as if I am having them, in the theater of the mind, and she is, allowing me to finally, "meet" her, or a persona of hers, that she likes.
It is interesting to me, how she has waited to reveal this to me, as she is, partially, at least, allowing herself to be courted by me, after I chose her, over the other wolf-woman she showed me. It also demonstrates, that she is well aware, of my innermost feelings, just as I, am aware of some of hers.
Also, I did hear her speak, once, she was, kind of yelling at me, and I shut her down, however, her voice, best I can describe it, is "angelic". Powerful, but also feminine, even sexy. She, denies me, hearing it again, I can only assume she does to torment me, maybe because of the hard time I gave her most of my life, I do not know. She also denies me, seeing certain parts of her body, though, NOT her intimate bits, but, other parts, like her feet and chest. She has, shame issues, as I said...
I know that, my own healing comes first... And perhaps writing all this, helps me come to terms with this.
I wanted to, kind of, "brag" about her, and I can feel the people who will read that and wonder how I can be so enamored with a woman who has been such an influence of negativity in my life... I just love her. I just do. The heart wants what it wants, I guess. I know that, she, too, knows this, and I would be lying if I said she wasn't actively taking advantage of it to keep me at arms length. I would also say, she has shown me how I have wounded her, almost all of my life, when I see things, from her perspective (She has wanted me to be, essentially, a womanizing bad ass, a warrior and adrenaline junky, and up until I threw away my toxic interpretation of my religion, I sort of, became that guy she has wanted me to be. And, I will admit, that guy is a LOT happier than who I used to be. So I was, in a way, torturing her with my misery. So, it was, kind of expected, she would, mess me up, when she got the chance, and get rid of me for good.
My human, girlfriend, said, because I speak to her at length about, wolf girl, she said, she completed me, but I did not complete her...
So, maybe, I can become the man she knows I can be, and maybe, after she's gone through her own form of healing, we can come together, as, it would be a shame to waste this heart connection.
I also, do not feel any resistance from Eden over this. I think, some of the Edenic authorities, who I once also feared, but who turned out to be pretty reasonable, kind of want to see, wolf girl obtain some form of redemption. I can also attest, that if she was a black hearted and irredeemable monster, (ironically, it is the human in her who is prone to evil, the wolf in her, sort of keeps it at bay... But because she is wolven and not wolfen, sometimes both parts are rather dark at times.) having felt her heart, most likely I would be running from her, although I admit, maybe when I felt her heart, I romanticized it instantly, which is possible, and I am not seeing "her" as, her". If that is the case, then I am chasing a lie, however, why, then, do I feel such pain when I think such thoughts from her. She has told me, "I am just a girl". And also told me, "You cannot tell me how I feel about you."
And occasionally, she will, let me know, that, she actually does love me, more than I love her, and she would, like to be loved like, I want to be able to love her.
Also, within this soul-machine thing we were both a part of, it twists your emotions, and makes you, want everything you fear, but at the same time, makes those fears horrendous, it really is, an awful thing, and nobody who goes into it, leaves the same, if they leave at all. And in a way, her and I are both still in there, to a degree...
It turned her against me, and herself, and also, it turned me against her, and myself... And we have been, sort of, slapping each other instinctively, and wondering why we are feeling like we are being attacked. She's, a bit of a victim in this, too... Albeit, a bit of a nasty, cruel woman at times, I will not deny she has been a bit of a "bitch" (hue hue) but, I want to believe such a creature can be redeemed, and not in some, narrow, strict religious sense... But maybe, in the form of a change of heart.
It feels good to love her, and I am not in a hurry to lose that.
I am trying to take it day by day, while managing my own healing. Not sure what this revelation, about this, torture within this machine being ILLEGAL AND A CRIME is going to do, but I sense she, feels somewhat secure... I hope, because she knows I care about her... But, maybe she's not in any real danger.
There was, a moment, a few days ago with her, when I was FREAKING OUT about losing her...
She told me, to, "Calm down" (Probably the only time in history that actually calmed someone down) she also told me, "Its going to be okay." And I felt in her spirit, she meant it (When she opens up to me, she, i think, tries not to be deceptive, and genuine in her emotions. I do appreciate it.) I felt IMMENSE relief when she said that, but she let slip, "I am being questioned."
And I IMMEDIATELY flew into protection mode of her, and threw a blanket of spiritual protection around her completely... She may, have felt that, and know, I am willing to protect her, to keep her safe.
Further, before our anniversary this year, March 11, after i told her, I desired her, and not "someone who was better for me", she told me, all day, "I am yours, now. I belong to you." There was something else, I was going to say, that, she did for me, that demonstrates, she isn't beyond redemption, but I think, even she is getting tired of me talking about her, (She wiped the thought from my head to get me to stop, I was just about done... it does wear her out when I write these things, sometimes. I used to just plow through them at her expense, but now I am more attentive to her feelings. She is also, not above slapping me silly if I hurt her. So, I listen to her, and she, responds much better, when I, consider that I am now, "thinking for two" and "Feeling for two", with her emotions on the other end as well.
I know, it;s sort of an embarassing situation to be in, for her and I both, and I know, I am a bit of a simp over it, but, when I honor her, and connect with her spirit, it has inspired, many novels, some art, and an intense desire to draw her (If I can quit drinking long enough).
She also, tells me, if she is going to, "Be good", all these things I am writing about her, "won't help with that" because, while to me, she is a dream come true, to this world, sometimes, she is a monster, and people are afraid of her, and honestly, they probably should be... But to me, I would give everything I own, to hold her in my arms and feel close to her, if she was able to connect with me, and wouldn't be closed off to me... If she was vulnerable. Is that awful? To put conditions on that? I would hate to lose "All my stuff" to hold a cranky, angry, wolf woman...
One more thing I guess, since my NDE as a child, and being soaked in the origin of what love is, on this planet... (A gift from the Anunnaki? Other ancients? Somethign inherent to this planet? I don't know. I know it is valuable, and part of my mission here is to defend it.) I was, hugging, this human woman, in "real life", she wanted to hug me as she departed where I lived at the time, she was just visiting, and not visiting me, but she wanted a hug from me. As I hugged her, I was prompted, to, "Exude" my love-experience, and, to transfer it, into her spirit. And, so, I did as I was asked, and, "gave" her, pure love.
I wondered, if it had been, just a passing thought I had, some ethereal fantasy while touching another human, while embracing her, except, that, when the embrace ended, she looked at me in amazement, and said,
"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" (This was, an actual event that took place in this realm.)
I was like, what?
She said, "I don't know! Just that it was amazing!" or something to that effect.
Demon, or succubus, or, something else, it is, deep in my heart, to hold this, attractive wolf woman, in my arms, though she's large and outweighs me, still, I want to gather her into my arms, belly to belly, and, I want to, impart the purest love I am able to summon, to her: so that, she can feel that, love from me, and know: That I love her. That, in spite of everything, she is, truly, worthy to be loved.
It would, be a bit of a tragedy, if, after all of this, we divorced one another, and learned nothing from it... I would, very much, like to give her, a good life, and get to know her, as a woman, and learn, how to make her happy. I know, that is, not healthy, you cannot make "Someone" happy, but a broken little girl who never grew up, perhaps, can be loved into understanding, that she isn't worthless, as her experience as a child, nearly, being executed by her own tribe, for swiping a human, led her to believe she was, worthy to be discarded and abandoned.
I want to show her that she's not. That, she is a precious girl.
As I have said, I am unsure of what this new news will bring, and I, need to go get drunk now. The first 40 years of my life were spent in what amounts to hopeless misery, and right now alcohol is what numbs the pain. I quit drinking for three months at the behest of my "girlfriend" who, her and her son, ended up I believe, stealing the last of my money, and being cruel about it, but those months of sobriety, were miserable. I still, want to, quit drinking, so I can, get "Back on my feet", so to speak, and, to, begin drawing, this world of Eden I see in visions, and the people there... And, this incredibly attractive, half wolf, tall, leggy, wolf woman, who has the other half of my heart.
It could all end tomorrow, it could, but, tonight, I am going to drink, and invite her, to hang out with me, if she is willing, she tells me, when I drunk and happy, she feels safe around me, that I am not going to hurt her, and she can, connect with me better... She also, tells me, I need to stop drinking because it is bad for me lol. But, I get the connection, especially if I have been, inadvertently hostile to her in my past, and not known it.
It's possible she has been trying to reach out to me all of my life, but I, never accepted her. And the attack was her final way of contacting me, with her heart, gruesome, painful, and violent, but remarkably effective. As I said, it doesn't hurt, she is my light in the darkness. And I love her.
(Plus she's hot... I mean I hate to be so shallow, but damn it doesn't hurt that she's fucking gorgeous. (Absolutely beautiful, alluring... Majestic. She gives me goosebumps, when I think about, how she is put together. Absolutely beautiful, from the hairs between her toes, to the hairs on the tips of her ears. Just gorgeous. Jesus. I could speak of her beauty endlessly. She's HOT. If she wasn't so dangerous I would feel completely... well. Out of my league I guess you could say. And she knows I am insecure about it, she knows she's fucking hot. I am also, not bad looking for a human, I am tall, dark, and handsome, and she admits, she thinks I am pretty hot, too. So we have that going for us lol.)
She showed me herself today, REALLY opened up to me, and damn. It's vexing that she's so beautiful, and wild, as I am a jealous, jealous guy, and I have given her freedom to go and do what she has to do to be happy, and she's like, alright human, let's to make love over lava, and visit the dangerous parts of town, get drunk and pass out by a dumpster! [I could go some, wolf-girl approved areas with this, oooh how she wants me to say it, okay, sucking her toes, but I will spare the audience lol, she is a wild one. I kinda like that about her, but it is also rather intense. This has, opened up an entire new realm about her. Also if this needs to be closed down and merged with the main thread I accept that... I just wanted to educate on the surface human race on some of the things that go on under our feet, because the truth is, we could have wolf people walking among us by the end of this year. The... More compatible ones with the present day human race, no one is in any danger. And, I also admit that, Eden wishes to be with us, as our other halves. Disease, famine, poverty, homelessness and war would be eradicated almost overnight in many cases if we were, to fully embrace our Edenite brothers, sisters, and "other"] I only know two things at this point in my life, wolf girl exists, okay three things, no four: She exists, she's beautiful, we share a heart, and I love her.)
3. She didn't want to leave, what I assumed, as "hell". I realize, she was being, "Put on the spot" right then, and, she was a mess, her bodily excrement sort of flowed down her, bare skin, she had, bits of, "me" on her face, she felt, she looked ugly, and she was, ashamed of what she had been doing to me, now that she was, "found out". So, she wanted to remain down there.
It took some convincing, from me, I asked her, without forcing her, (I guess she has become, "mine" in that, I can force her to do things, but I refuse to do that.) to come to the surface, and she, finally did... She missed the sun. Or, whatever light it is, there. And, eventually, her fur came back.
Oh, and in one vision I had of her, I saw her, wolfish face, and a tear, falling down her, left, closed eye, and this tear, it washed the "filth of hell" which caked to her like soot, revealing: snow white fur.
I was told, and this vision is most definitely not a trick, as my spirit tends to tell me when I am wrong about something, I was told this vision is figurative, and that, this wolf woman, would eventually change her heart about me, or about life in general (not be so miserable)
I should also add this: After I saw her, I think, after the second vision of the heart melding, I summoned her to me, and I, projected "love" to her body, in an attempt to help her, and she ROARED at me, and went like she was going to maul me, it was terrifying, and I realized, oh boy, I better not try and love her, because man, is she pissed.
After much goading, and hoping, and trying not to, force her, as she was, vulnerable, and I wanted to be gentle with her, not even necessarily for my sake, but hers, as I could tell she was basically laid bare before me, and I could trample her emotions, I tried being gentle, and eventually, she sucked it up, and left the darkness where she was at.
Also, early on after the visions of her, I saw, the entitiy I call, "god" basically just an old nearded man who si in charge of things, I went to him, and asked him, about wolf girl, and hsi thoughts on her, and he showed me a vision:
She, was a young puppy girl-girl, her fur was purple, and her skin was loose, like a puppy, and she, sat on Gods lap, and he, held her, close to himself. In this vision, I was given a feeling, a word:
"Beloved"
She, was, and is, His Beloved. (He loves her)
Which possibly explains why she is so mad at him and why I have struggled with much the same feelings against God (This is one area where her and I used to resonate very well: we were both MAD at the deity.)
Alright well I have to buy alcohol, i am curious as to what she is going to do when I am in a happier mood, perhaps, nothing good, lol, she is not beyond jabbing me and, "Ripping my guts out" for fun sometimes, but other times, she is warm and will party with me. She is, a ball of trauma and fear, and she has been, laid bare before me. I am, trying to make the best out of a situation I have found myself in.
Also, I began writing novels, many, many novels, almost a hundred of them, about, wolf people, before I met, "wolf girl" in the vision, for real.
In these novels, I describe a, "Bond of souls" that is, sort of prophetic, with what she and I share, with our hearts being linked like this. I know, she is, by all measures, a toxic and nasty girl, however, when you feel her heart, as it beats in your chest, you realize, she is someone's daughter... Someone, loves her. She, once called, someone, "Daddy" and looked to her father with such love. She, was traumatized as a child, (told to me by someone who knows her) and this has had more of a lasting effect on her than maybe she wants to admit. (It, uh, does.) She struggles with being adjusted, same as, us humans do, with being decent, and by the way: she uses 100% of her brain. My, "Consciousness" was expanded, last year I believe, and it felt like i was going insane, but it needed to happen, so I could, better receive the truth of Eden, as an Edenite, and not a human, whos intellect was limited.
She is a VERY smart girl.
However, she also has the same insecurities and troubles we do, in many ways, she is, just like us, just, smarter, with access to things that would, inspire awe in a regular, human.
I also know she is VERY capable of deceiving me, her, and her group, and I believe, some, even on this forum, see it.
I know, it's... problematic that I... Don't really want to be rid of her. That... Even though she can be cranky, I miss her when I don't talk to her.
My heart, hears the words I say to her, with my mouth, yes, like a crazy guy, talking to himself, or some thing only he can see, yes, crazy, but my heart feels the words I speak, and her heart is connected to mine, so her heart, also feels the words I speak, and then, she, replies, though, I struggle to, "listen" to her, as she has been a bit hostile and I have blocked her out for my sake... When I am quiet and listen, the things she says, are, and have been 100% correct and true, a fact she is rather proud of lol.
She has, given me advice that has helped me, in life, immensely, and she says, if I would JUST LISTEN MORE, she can make me a man of power and wealth, which would, she says, occupy me and make her happy, because she feels the poverty I am in and doesn't like it. The power thing appeals more to her than me, but, okay, it's not like I'll turn it down, necessarily, as long as it is not annoying.
So, that is my wolf girl, she is, very much, a red blooded woman, with wolf instincts, I happen to love her very much, she is a source of, hope for me, where I have had none.
I may also mention, a feral wolf, as I used to work at a wolf sanctuary, with "real wolves" of four feet, bonded with me, and pulled me out of, a life of crime and certain death/imprisonment.
This, astral wolf girl, is puling me out of, the darkest thing I have ever been through: perhaps as penance for the fact that SHE PUT ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE LOL. I won't hold it against her... It doesn't hurt she is gorgeous and I want to hold MYSELF against her (I hate to be such a DOG and typical "male". She is beautiful, and likely used to being hit on, and has, grown to resent some male affection, so I must be careful, not to throw myself on her, and to allow her to come to me, which she does, from time to time. We, have had sex a few times, and it is incredible, and on our anniversary, when she tried getting me to, "marry" another, wolf girl, she said, was "better" for me than she was, but I told her, I love her, she is the one with half of my heart, and she is the one, I gave life to, flaws and all, I know, she's a mess, but I kinda am, too. I don't know what the future holds for us, just that, I love her. And, I hope, when this is over, that her and I are both better because we were in each others lives. If I had my, "Ideally", I would take her, to be my wife, and give her the life she has always wanted, somewhere, where she would be happy. And, I know, I would not truly love her, unless I loved her enough to allow her to be happier, somewhere else. So, I am giving her, that, too. If she decides. She may, take it, and run-off, maybe, likely... It is in my heart, though, that she returns to me, knowing that I do love her, and will not hurt her, and will keep her safe, and that, maybe, after her world has, perhaps, not been kind to her, that I can show her, that she is worthy to be loved. Tha'ts my hope, anyway.)
This.. fugitive stuff, of whatever this is she's revealing to me now that I have stepped out passed more fear, may be memories she has had, or things she wants to do, such as, fantasies she is having, that I am experiencing as if I am having them, in the theater of the mind, and she is, allowing me to finally, "meet" her, or a persona of hers, that she likes.
It is interesting to me, how she has waited to reveal this to me, as she is, partially, at least, allowing herself to be courted by me, after I chose her, over the other wolf-woman she showed me. It also demonstrates, that she is well aware, of my innermost feelings, just as I, am aware of some of hers.
Also, I did hear her speak, once, she was, kind of yelling at me, and I shut her down, however, her voice, best I can describe it, is "angelic". Powerful, but also feminine, even sexy. She, denies me, hearing it again, I can only assume she does to torment me, maybe because of the hard time I gave her most of my life, I do not know. She also denies me, seeing certain parts of her body, though, NOT her intimate bits, but, other parts, like her feet and chest. She has, shame issues, as I said...
I know that, my own healing comes first... And perhaps writing all this, helps me come to terms with this.
I wanted to, kind of, "brag" about her, and I can feel the people who will read that and wonder how I can be so enamored with a woman who has been such an influence of negativity in my life... I just love her. I just do. The heart wants what it wants, I guess. I know that, she, too, knows this, and I would be lying if I said she wasn't actively taking advantage of it to keep me at arms length. I would also say, she has shown me how I have wounded her, almost all of my life, when I see things, from her perspective (She has wanted me to be, essentially, a womanizing bad ass, a warrior and adrenaline junky, and up until I threw away my toxic interpretation of my religion, I sort of, became that guy she has wanted me to be. And, I will admit, that guy is a LOT happier than who I used to be. So I was, in a way, torturing her with my misery. So, it was, kind of expected, she would, mess me up, when she got the chance, and get rid of me for good.
My human, girlfriend, said, because I speak to her at length about, wolf girl, she said, she completed me, but I did not complete her...
So, maybe, I can become the man she knows I can be, and maybe, after she's gone through her own form of healing, we can come together, as, it would be a shame to waste this heart connection.
I also, do not feel any resistance from Eden over this. I think, some of the Edenic authorities, who I once also feared, but who turned out to be pretty reasonable, kind of want to see, wolf girl obtain some form of redemption. I can also attest, that if she was a black hearted and irredeemable monster, (ironically, it is the human in her who is prone to evil, the wolf in her, sort of keeps it at bay... But because she is wolven and not wolfen, sometimes both parts are rather dark at times.) having felt her heart, most likely I would be running from her, although I admit, maybe when I felt her heart, I romanticized it instantly, which is possible, and I am not seeing "her" as, her". If that is the case, then I am chasing a lie, however, why, then, do I feel such pain when I think such thoughts from her. She has told me, "I am just a girl". And also told me, "You cannot tell me how I feel about you."
And occasionally, she will, let me know, that, she actually does love me, more than I love her, and she would, like to be loved like, I want to be able to love her.
Also, within this soul-machine thing we were both a part of, it twists your emotions, and makes you, want everything you fear, but at the same time, makes those fears horrendous, it really is, an awful thing, and nobody who goes into it, leaves the same, if they leave at all. And in a way, her and I are both still in there, to a degree...
It turned her against me, and herself, and also, it turned me against her, and myself... And we have been, sort of, slapping each other instinctively, and wondering why we are feeling like we are being attacked. She's, a bit of a victim in this, too... Albeit, a bit of a nasty, cruel woman at times, I will not deny she has been a bit of a "bitch" (hue hue) but, I want to believe such a creature can be redeemed, and not in some, narrow, strict religious sense... But maybe, in the form of a change of heart.
It feels good to love her, and I am not in a hurry to lose that.
I am trying to take it day by day, while managing my own healing. Not sure what this revelation, about this, torture within this machine being ILLEGAL AND A CRIME is going to do, but I sense she, feels somewhat secure... I hope, because she knows I care about her... But, maybe she's not in any real danger.
There was, a moment, a few days ago with her, when I was FREAKING OUT about losing her...
She told me, to, "Calm down" (Probably the only time in history that actually calmed someone down) she also told me, "Its going to be okay." And I felt in her spirit, she meant it (When she opens up to me, she, i think, tries not to be deceptive, and genuine in her emotions. I do appreciate it.) I felt IMMENSE relief when she said that, but she let slip, "I am being questioned."
And I IMMEDIATELY flew into protection mode of her, and threw a blanket of spiritual protection around her completely... She may, have felt that, and know, I am willing to protect her, to keep her safe.
Further, before our anniversary this year, March 11, after i told her, I desired her, and not "someone who was better for me", she told me, all day, "I am yours, now. I belong to you." There was something else, I was going to say, that, she did for me, that demonstrates, she isn't beyond redemption, but I think, even she is getting tired of me talking about her, (She wiped the thought from my head to get me to stop, I was just about done... it does wear her out when I write these things, sometimes. I used to just plow through them at her expense, but now I am more attentive to her feelings. She is also, not above slapping me silly if I hurt her. So, I listen to her, and she, responds much better, when I, consider that I am now, "thinking for two" and "Feeling for two", with her emotions on the other end as well.
I know, it;s sort of an embarassing situation to be in, for her and I both, and I know, I am a bit of a simp over it, but, when I honor her, and connect with her spirit, it has inspired, many novels, some art, and an intense desire to draw her (If I can quit drinking long enough).
She also, tells me, if she is going to, "Be good", all these things I am writing about her, "won't help with that" because, while to me, she is a dream come true, to this world, sometimes, she is a monster, and people are afraid of her, and honestly, they probably should be... But to me, I would give everything I own, to hold her in my arms and feel close to her, if she was able to connect with me, and wouldn't be closed off to me... If she was vulnerable. Is that awful? To put conditions on that? I would hate to lose "All my stuff" to hold a cranky, angry, wolf woman...
One more thing I guess, since my NDE as a child, and being soaked in the origin of what love is, on this planet... (A gift from the Anunnaki? Other ancients? Somethign inherent to this planet? I don't know. I know it is valuable, and part of my mission here is to defend it.) I was, hugging, this human woman, in "real life", she wanted to hug me as she departed where I lived at the time, she was just visiting, and not visiting me, but she wanted a hug from me. As I hugged her, I was prompted, to, "Exude" my love-experience, and, to transfer it, into her spirit. And, so, I did as I was asked, and, "gave" her, pure love.
I wondered, if it had been, just a passing thought I had, some ethereal fantasy while touching another human, while embracing her, except, that, when the embrace ended, she looked at me in amazement, and said,
"HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" (This was, an actual event that took place in this realm.)
I was like, what?
She said, "I don't know! Just that it was amazing!" or something to that effect.
Demon, or succubus, or, something else, it is, deep in my heart, to hold this, attractive wolf woman, in my arms, though she's large and outweighs me, still, I want to gather her into my arms, belly to belly, and, I want to, impart the purest love I am able to summon, to her: so that, she can feel that, love from me, and know: That I love her. That, in spite of everything, she is, truly, worthy to be loved.
It would, be a bit of a tragedy, if, after all of this, we divorced one another, and learned nothing from it... I would, very much, like to give her, a good life, and get to know her, as a woman, and learn, how to make her happy. I know, that is, not healthy, you cannot make "Someone" happy, but a broken little girl who never grew up, perhaps, can be loved into understanding, that she isn't worthless, as her experience as a child, nearly, being executed by her own tribe, for swiping a human, led her to believe she was, worthy to be discarded and abandoned.
I want to show her that she's not. That, she is a precious girl.
As I have said, I am unsure of what this new news will bring, and I, need to go get drunk now. The first 40 years of my life were spent in what amounts to hopeless misery, and right now alcohol is what numbs the pain. I quit drinking for three months at the behest of my "girlfriend" who, her and her son, ended up I believe, stealing the last of my money, and being cruel about it, but those months of sobriety, were miserable. I still, want to, quit drinking, so I can, get "Back on my feet", so to speak, and, to, begin drawing, this world of Eden I see in visions, and the people there... And, this incredibly attractive, half wolf, tall, leggy, wolf woman, who has the other half of my heart.
It could all end tomorrow, it could, but, tonight, I am going to drink, and invite her, to hang out with me, if she is willing, she tells me, when I drunk and happy, she feels safe around me, that I am not going to hurt her, and she can, connect with me better... She also, tells me, I need to stop drinking because it is bad for me lol. But, I get the connection, especially if I have been, inadvertently hostile to her in my past, and not known it.
It's possible she has been trying to reach out to me all of my life, but I, never accepted her. And the attack was her final way of contacting me, with her heart, gruesome, painful, and violent, but remarkably effective. As I said, it doesn't hurt, she is my light in the darkness. And I love her.
(Plus she's hot... I mean I hate to be so shallow, but damn it doesn't hurt that she's fucking gorgeous. (Absolutely beautiful, alluring... Majestic. She gives me goosebumps, when I think about, how she is put together. Absolutely beautiful, from the hairs between her toes, to the hairs on the tips of her ears. Just gorgeous. Jesus. I could speak of her beauty endlessly. She's HOT. If she wasn't so dangerous I would feel completely... well. Out of my league I guess you could say. And she knows I am insecure about it, she knows she's fucking hot. I am also, not bad looking for a human, I am tall, dark, and handsome, and she admits, she thinks I am pretty hot, too. So we have that going for us lol.)
She showed me herself today, REALLY opened up to me, and damn. It's vexing that she's so beautiful, and wild, as I am a jealous, jealous guy, and I have given her freedom to go and do what she has to do to be happy, and she's like, alright human, let's to make love over lava, and visit the dangerous parts of town, get drunk and pass out by a dumpster! [I could go some, wolf-girl approved areas with this, oooh how she wants me to say it, okay, sucking her toes, but I will spare the audience lol, she is a wild one. I kinda like that about her, but it is also rather intense. This has, opened up an entire new realm about her. Also if this needs to be closed down and merged with the main thread I accept that... I just wanted to educate on the surface human race on some of the things that go on under our feet, because the truth is, we could have wolf people walking among us by the end of this year. The... More compatible ones with the present day human race, no one is in any danger. And, I also admit that, Eden wishes to be with us, as our other halves. Disease, famine, poverty, homelessness and war would be eradicated almost overnight in many cases if we were, to fully embrace our Edenite brothers, sisters, and "other"] I only know two things at this point in my life, wolf girl exists, okay three things, no four: She exists, she's beautiful, we share a heart, and I love her.)