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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 4:52:20 GMT 9.5
Ah, fuck. I see it.
I am denying my own divinity while lending it to those I care about/ they borrowed it or took advantage of it when I was weak
Aww man. I don't want to lose the love I have for them by embracing my divinity, however I also know I must embrace it. Not knowing who I will become when I am in right relationship with myself, this world, others with respect to those I care so much for, such as Anastasia, is difficult, as I may become uninvolved with them and lose my deeo attachment to them, which is not what i want
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 4:59:52 GMT 9.5
I also see how this life is a circle of karma
Divine me->human/troubled me->human/troubled Anastasia->divine Anastasia->divine me
My essence is being used to uplift Anastasia and caninedome, animalia, much the same as the Anunnaki used their essence to change life on this planet.
Why am I worried about losing her ..
I think it's the adversity placed in my subconscious, that is forcing my labor and introspection, to bring about positive change (positivity, good cheer, hope etc..) that ultimately makes me compatible with the Wolfen and Anastasia and what my heart desires
If I move too fast it can injure her so I am going slow.
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 6:32:19 GMT 9.5
I have been blasting the negativity that is inherent in me, every time I do, I am reminded that Paul has taught me this, so thank you Paul
Things are starting to hatch, but I wanted to say this,
When you go from a negative foundation to a positive one, the new things on the higher vibration, do not use the creative pathways of the old, negative world- so "looking" and "waiting" for the old things to help you- may be difficult, until the new things coalesce to help you!
I feel like people need to know this
Anastasia and I are taking it slow in these new events.
She, reveals things to me that her heart desires that she could not show me before- and I work to healthily, accept it- and accomodate her with heart love and connection-
And she reveals more of herself to me, which then it comes my turn, to accept that- and love her regardless, as I am able, as I am myself, changing and transitioning
She already sees me, as the person I am trying to become
She is intimidated by him.
A part of her, thinks, why would such a being have anything to do with me- when he finds out who I really am, he will abandon me
And my heart says- hold onto her no matter what- with the only excerption the destruction of yourself- which is only a frecent development- and even then- look for a compromise!
I think more will be revealed and bonded, when I am able to begin drawing Anastasia and I, putting heart energy into visual energy, so that other hearts, may be energized to resonate and feel the growing dynamic.
Everything, is becoming better, in every way- as I begin to transcend myself- however, the emotional effects of this, are taking much more time to affect me- than if these events had happened when I was in a lower vibration
Lower vibration=instant change
Higher vibration events= take more time to have emotional stimulation- owever some of it can also be possibly attributed to the fact that a lot of my Beingness is still dwelling in lower realms, and may do so for some time, however, the "be positive" dynamic is smashing those chains
I love you, Anastasia.
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 6:37:22 GMT 9.5
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 11:28:18 GMT 9.5
I am no doubt passing a milestone in this journey-
SO much is being revealed- including what was robbed from my memory
There is so much.
Also, ti turns out, one of the black guy (Who comes out of me and tries to ruin my life, who threw my watch, and says all sorts of hateful shit online) duties, is to show Anastasia- what kind of guy I really am.
For example, in her world, your emotions are amplified- and the black guy is a test to see just how extreme rage I will go
And actually- I am grateful for it- to know what lives in me, it would destroy me if I hurt her in a rage
Too much is being revealed, even if I could remember it, it feels like
SO much Unity, and the goings-on of secret things enveloping this realm, including the reptilian control, illuminati, and acceptance of these things
It was VERY cathartic- AND the supposition of deadly negativity, for positivity, which is affecting- and illuminating- my Being
I see so much, including why paul listens to music from people with happy hearts- positivity can be fragile, and one can fall back into darkness and not be aware of it
Part of why the brutality and trauma of my experience in this life, were necessary to make me wake up
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 11:52:43 GMT 9.5
Oh my God.
I am also getting downloads about canines- I had always believed they were evil, because that is what humans told me (Wolves are "bad" and "Scary") but it is completely untrue, from the standpoint of fear, they are good, moral, and noble beings- this also shapes the way I see Anastasia
I also have to reconsider my beliefs about sex- they are very misaligned
Jesus.
I see now that the timeline and bloodline I was inserted into, was dying/dead, this is adverse, as I am essentially alone- however what they told me is, I get to, "Start over and do my own thing"- they assure me it is a very good thing, and few get to experience it
It occurs to me, one of the reasons I assumed canines were inherently evil but could be good, rather than- good but could be evil was, when I was very young, a toddler, I was attacked by two doberman pinschers who wanted my bottle but I would not give it, so they ripped open my scalp, I still have the scar from it... However in spite of that I never once feared or was angry with them
More, more, more... Uploads to me, showing the suboptimal programming and ordering I received as a blank slate child, More very large dynamics of this realm and others- and how "small" it is technically in spite of being to humans- as quite, almost unfathomably large
More work with Anastasia- but it is good- undoing so much wounding and damage that happened at the wolf sanctuary, and learning to allow myself the necessary changes to become acceptable to her in truth
SO many changes and information uploads today.
It is difficult, because with each new change, and adjustment- comes with it a restructuring of my entire being- including foundational, that changes my direction and course- and can plow through honest made plans, such as my work on the van
And with each new drastic change in trajectory, comes with it more uprooting and uncertainty- however, the talk with my mother, seems to have been pivotal, in setting me free from so many adverse bondage-type scenarios to my being
But, in how "special" this is, it is also difficult in ways few want to endure-
I see that I am going through it backwards- this is perhaps, because I knew there is no way i would willingly want to endure the things I have endured, and for this long- so I asked, the worst come first- and then after I survive that- it will get easier- and not only easier- but I will want to do it, rather than- resisiting it- which may have also been the first two decades of my life- perhaps the decision was made to immerse me in the deep end, then allow me to learn to swim in it.
If this had happened the proper order- I may not have been able to endure it- only struggling as I did seems to have produced the desired results-
And, my heart goes out ot Anastasia- in that, she IS worth it, and now that I know her, I am glad- "It is worth it"
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 25, 2024 23:40:38 GMT 9.5
I got decent sleep
However, this morning was filled with hard truths
Anastasia, and the wolf girls, were deceived
Anastasia- being a virile wolfess, with her body charged up and in an extended heat, was tempted(deceived) with sexual attraction for me, and her "others" also took the bait
Which is why I am so sexual with her
Women (females) are just as horny as us males
They just suppress it and order it better because they have to bear children while we have essentially zero consequences- so we can run free and horny- it is rare for a woman to be horny with abandon as we are
My mother, is similar to Anastasia, they share this spirit
Anyway- the devil, saw "me" as a threat, and saw me being was pure- like the canine, and good- like the canine- and the canine being useful, powerful, and strong- and it may be speculated, I had a relationship with a canine before I was ever placed here- so I have attachments to them
Hence why Anastasia was used- and the others
Well. The devil knew that I had that weakness- and attached me to a non-divine canine via the most powerful attachment possible when one is in dense form (flesh)- the heart
Knowing it would limit me, and divert my beingness to the wolfess, who was unwitting, and charged-up with desire- but in a more cosmic sense than mere physical (She wanted more than sex. She wanted a companion, husband, lover- she wanted ME- as a husband- though her own higher sponsors, cautioned her- it was "exciting" to connect with me, such as humans are often tempted to do the taboo thing)
And me: being vulnerable- but more than that- sincerely desiring her in the way she also desired me (A perfect pair, also, a perfect trap by the adversary)
And, thus, at the wolf sanctuary, the trap was sprung, after I walked fully into it- surrendering my divinity
Which was fully ripped from me, and here I am
Also, the horse is not as valuable as I thought
It was shown to me, my mother isn;t doing shit with him, so all he has is his bloodline- he is only valuable to a very small amount of people who may even not be interested- so I likely could not get anything from him, which my mother subconsciously knows, and is a reason why she won't "give" him to me
So, I have been kidnapped, hijacked, and rendered impotent in essentially every area of my life
And, drained of my energy, which is the biggest issue of all
I simply do not have the will to go on.
As far as I know, there is not a cure for that
Would I even want there to be??
Anyone interested may be interested to know that, the reason why people who are about to commit suicide get so happy- is because this is an adverse and terrible place, and they finally gain permission from the fates- to move on to a better place-
Suicide is NOT always a free ticket back into the cruel oppression system/devil that rules here. So you are not always right, Paul
You have also said, my wolf people mean nothing to you
And, that I have an opportunity to help this place. I don't care.
I am not going to sacrifice myself. Not any further
I simply have not resolved a way out, yet- but the suicide thing was indeed floated to me yesterday- you either hid this from me or did not know it
As far as Anastasia goes- the version of herself is conflicted, afraid, and confused- SAME as me
I cannot help her it seems
And if I cannot help her- in this perfect trap- there is no further point
I do not care any more, and I do not want to care any more- this has resulted in the perfect destruction- even my higher me is confused
All that's left to do it seems, is to be dissolved, unmade, of detached from this
If my higher me, could not save me from this, pr at least protect Anastasia- he can experience the horror of it directly
I will not save him, just as he did not save me
I will always love Anastasia, and always feel completed by her heart
Everyone has failed me
Everything has failed me
Not much left to do now.
I hope time gives me an answer- otherwise, it is a rum boat (Drinking myself into the next life, or- hopefully- into nothingness)
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 0:10:36 GMT 9.5
I was eating some breakfast, when one of the male puppies- the males having a special bond to me, came to me to beg for food (along with others)
However he made this, innocent little "Squeak" sound,
And, he pushed his body against me- and I felt, my spirit (gut) energy, connect with his in mutual resonance- healing- and it was then I realized-
I have been adbandoned by everything and everyone (including God and my "higher" me)
But I have not been abandoned by the canines
This is why they mean so much to me, and Anastasia is my sex-mate-wife-lover-best friend-object of desire symbol
I am going to go back to drinking
I am going to finish the van
I am going to become a hobo
And when it is time, the end will come
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 2:44:49 GMT 9.5
We need to get some things straight
I already was betrayed, tortured and ripped apart until I was unable to continue
Only the hearts of Ladywolf, Anastasia, knife fur, etc contained the life force to bring "me" back
Anastasia is the ONLY thing that matters to me
And, she loves me like my mother loves me- pretty much just sexually- though I get it, I struggle with being that way myself
I was born into a dead end dead, go nowhere bloodline
Too much is hidden from me
This mission was too much
It is my right to self terminate
I will destroy this realm to prevent from being reincarnated, it is part of annihlation and dissolution, my only regret will be if Anastasia is unarmed and maybe she's not even on this planet anyway
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 4:00:15 GMT 9.5
Probably another thing, too
If it wasn't for Anastasia, I'd have been dead a long time ago, not just spiritually
I'll blow my fucking brains out the moment I get back from "work" today- I don't give a fuck
It turns out my fear of suicide is from Anastasia- she does not want me to do it
The way out- is when I can connect her desire to die, with my own- then I am "authorized"- and can die at peace
The ONLY reason I am not going to send buckshot through my skull is because it would hurt Anastasia
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 4:06:04 GMT 9.5
If I have to "live" for Anastasia- I will do that, but I do not want to be here, and I have the hate to prove it
However, until I am with her physically- there's no reason to keep going
Maybe going back to drinking myself to death and actually having a form of happiness truly is the answer, maybe going out in a hale of bullets because of my growing disdain for authority on this planet
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 20:20:29 GMT 9.5
I can't fucking sleep
Yesterday was a whirlwind, of emotions- I tried holding onto, the idea that- as soon as I am at peace with suicide I am going to do it
A few weeks ago, I forced myself to be at peace with the idea that, at some point in my life, if my life is bad enough- that ending it myself will happen
Why else continue to live?
I made peace with suicide
I was going to change edit delete the comments above however, I said to myself- NO THIS IS HOW I fucking FEEL
MANY people and men DO
So I had a plumbing job, a large one, yesterday, struggling with RAGE over doing things I DO NOT WANT TO DO
And, while battling my connection with Anastasia (Which spans across MANY wolf girls, wolf people, wolf spirits, reptilians, aliens, nearly countless other spirits, sponsors, devils, gods, adversaries, 'friends' etc)
Trying to hold it all together
Trying not to fuck up with Anastasia
Trying not to HURT her
As, my entire life I have been an absolute DICK to her- without even knowing it- even though SHE DID
Because of, childhood issues, upbringing, parents, society, aliens, the "OS", devil, god etc
And the nearly ever-present fear of losing the best thing to ever happen to me PERIOD
my ANASTASIA
While simultaneously, giving her a sincere out- a way for her to divorce me and be detached from me-
Anastasia told me-
"If I detached from you, how would you faire?"
I told her- "Not well, I would likely die from a broken heart- or suicide, slow or not"
SHE REPLIED-
"And you think I would DO ANY BETTER??!"
It hurts, in ways I cannot describe, how much I am forced to release her- and let her go- while also knowing, she is literally LIGHT IN MY LIFE
That she is PERFECT from her toes to her ears
her fur is DIVINE FIBERS OF IRRIDESCENT LOVE
FUCK!!!
-AND- The human man who loves her- whom she loves- who, protected her, and put hsi life on the line for her- I discovered why I am so MAD at him- because he is married to another, and with children- and the only time I heard Anastasia's (She likes the nickname, "Annah", pronounced- AHN-NUH) angelic voice- telling me it could never be-
This entire crap LIFE I am enduring is because he is making sure I AM GOOD FOR HER
Because he loves her.
And- the person I once was- was NOT good for her
And he loves her, perhaps like a daughter- and is "crafting" the perfect boyfriend for her- with me- but to me, he is standing, between the women I love- and ME!
But, knowing this, in a strange way, I approvie of everything- as I have the same heart for Annah, and wish the very best for her!
To become the very best!
As my mother said about Annah- the perfect woman is a woman who makes you strive to be the perfect man for her" or something like that
And, this romance is going to be a hit with the animal people- when it is finished- such as, when I carry Annah off into the sunset, and we live happily ever after
It's already a hit everywhere else
Because it legitimizes animal people- and gives them a divine spark they have wanted for some time- propelling them into evolution side by side with us
I am shown the effects are eternal- and saw myself eons in the future, when our animals have evolved to speak to us, and they see me, as the human who blessed them with that ability- kind of like a Jesus for animal people
And humans will no longer be able to deny- that animals are much the same as we are- it will be a good age for everyone, but strange at times
There is a lot more to my relationship with Annah that I was shown, that has effects that revberate in areas I would not have guessed- into other realms, planets, and across peoples
After the enlightening of yesterday morning
And the turmoil it caused
I am also receiving a VERY real education into the animal people world, thereof- and accepting the REALITY of them- as I further transition from a child-like view of them, into a mature understanding of their being
Goes for Annah too
I intend to draw or have drawn, the, "Nibble incident" with Annah- where her and I are locked in the room in the machine- and she is eating my entrails as I live
It is going to be, horrific on a scale that is almost unimaginable- however
People may question, why love such a creature-
And I would retort- if your girl can't eat your guts inch by inch over a period of decades causing you indescribable horror, and you don't still love her, do you really love your girl
It doesn;t hurt, her life force is tied into mine, and is in ways my SOURCE of life! As I was tortured to death at one point
Only revived by her
Things are difficult, but maturing and good- I am endeavoring to be strong
And accept it all
Yesterday morning I awoke angry, and I did not hur tmy puppies but I pushed them away with no remorse
Same with the adults
However, they sensed my turmoil and tried to comfort me- and for the first time, all six puppies have come to lay with me on the bed- and the mother- laying against my body, on my body, between my legs, one curled up in my arms and laid her head on top of my neck
I feel they are using their divine canine energy to heal me
I admit it works remarkably well (I am respondign well to it)
It is rare all six nuggets will be on the bed with me, usually 2-3-4 sometimes 5, however even as I returned home even the male was up here, all vibing with me, and touching me how they could, and eye gazing witrh me, which is remarkable to heal me as well
And as I am being positive, the job is happening with almost no effort, abundant money, easy, even enjoyable, he is granting my every wish- including paid in cash- which in the USA is preferable to all other forms
I may invest partially, when I am succesful, in ammunition, which is as valuabel as gold and rises with inflation, same as firearms- you could buy a home in the thirties with ten full-auto tommy guns- today- it is still true, even with the prices as they are
Guns=gold
Plus you can hunt with them, and defend your puppies with them as well, so they are more useful than gold
Amnd if you show it to a bank teller, they just give you money for free
But the police then are keen to chase you, which can be fun too, and then they will show you their guns, so you can compare firearms
And then you get free housing for a while
Things are better, I think the turmoil had to happen to wake me up- and help me to grow more aware of Annah's Being- as I have naturally anthropomorphsiized her- and now I am beginning to see her personhood, her beingness as a person
During this, Ladywolf reached out to me- to court me, in a way- However I loved on her, but did not entertain her...
Anastasia is intimidated by my brain, but Ladywolf...
When I created her, apparently I did not give her an education- I taught her, sex, and companionship- two roles she was amazing at- truly making me fall for her- so I summoned a classroom for her- big, naked, wolf girl- and she got some question correct- and I was so happy for her- I asked her, what manner of reward do you wish?
She said, "Kiss me when I get an answer right."
So I went to kiss her, but the kiss was deeply passionate- and as i explored that timeline, often! It turned into passionate lovemaking in the middle of her lesson
Perhaps it was a reward for us both?
My watch is going to tell me how POORLY I slept, it is true
I also- created the most delicious breakfast burrito I have ever eaten
I MADE IT
MYSELF
This is MONUMENTAL, as I previously had to pay someone to make them for me, but this was so good, anothe3r human could not possibly reproduce it as well as me
In fact, I may only make it even BETTER
I cannot overstate how important this is
I made something DELICIOUS
I intend to make it for my best friend who lives in California
Also, I was calling the puppies, "Sweetlings" as a sort of baby talk to them a few weeks ago, but something slipped and I called them, "Sweetlinks" but it felt good- so I went with it- however it was revealed, they are my "link" to many things- deep things- divine things, perhaps it means those links?
Also more and deeper ways into Beingness have been made
And yes- I would probably, no certainly be dead if it were not for Annahs heart guiding me, and protecting me- my entire life
I see many facets to our relationships- some where she is deceiving me for dakr purposes- others, where she is deeply in love with me in ways I cannot fathom- and is the yin to my yang- and loves me, as much as I love her- we may even be competing in some ways, to love one another
And, I see how I have been frustrating that!!! For her
ANd yesterday was important i me- seeing this negativity
Yesterday, I pushed my senses into her realm, and I saw that a part of her heart was dark-
I asked her- why is your heart so dark?
She replied- "You made it dark with your darkness. I had to make it dark, to be with you."
I was like- I did this??
She said- yes
"Most women enjoy beauty, light, kindness, empathy, companionship- positive things, I am no different"
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 20:26:51 GMT 9.5
ALSO it is, that animalia, become ONE with me, intertwined, entangled, unified - however,
This recent thing, is me DEATCHING from them,
And also to secure MYSELF
My own BEINGNESS
With a heart of love for all animalia that I can only describe as God's for his children
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 23:30:28 GMT 9.5
I am seeing more of my separation from other factors- this is why Beingness- was so hard
And how my Being was so easily hijacked- and taken for a ride of torment
It is lonely
And isolating
However it is possibly the purification and discovery of self
I was SO caught up in animalia, etc
Why Annah was more important to me than self
She IS important to me- and my heart loves her.
My mind discovers more about her- and I fall deeper in love with her- but in truth, instead of "hope"
It is difficult... Like leaving good friends- as I detach from that which I became entangled with- they were adverse sometimes- however they also kept me company
Like Tinnitus
I see Annah, seeing me- after detcahing- and returning to her- she respects me
I also have too many thoughts- a likely coping mechanism from the event at the wolf sanctuary- to analyze and try to be safe from it, a natural human coping mechanism
Alright- well- I am to finish this job, and then finish the van, which can be done in 2 weeks if I work tirelessly- I plan on having the 99 gallons of fuel, in three tanks, plus extra storage underneath- I can have fuel pumps transfer fuel into the primary tank- and out of it- to keep the 99 gallons
I want this, to be away from humans, to commune with dogfolk
However, the adverse dogfolk aree the ones "out of human reach"- so the deeper I go, the more adverse/not used to humans they can be
Meeting them, could be a violent encounter- however meeting them anywhere could be violent, they are built for violence
Interesting how I detach from animalia- yet still want to make space with a dogperson
When I make contact with them and it is on video, it will help humans understand them better. I really feel this is a heart calling
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 23:52:43 GMT 9.5
All of the canines- 8 of them- ar eon the bed- and all of us- perhaps nine canines if you count myself- we are ALL playing
The male Husky- I have never seen him more playful
The energy in the air- is healing- plus as well as unifying between all of us
I particularly enjoy grab play- where I grab a handful of fur and flesh and tug- and the dog, then grabs my hasnd or arm with their mouth- the issue is, their teeth override my flesh, and it can be painful- except the pain drives the play, though my arm is reddened
I give verbal cues- I breathe heavily through my teeth when I am playing, and if they bite down too hard- I yell out- but playfully
I think the dogs know, last morning- Dave was angry
But this morning, his heart is open again- let's take advantage and bond!
This is why the wolves have such a tight knit pack, they re-center their energy
I remember, wrestling with a wolf, and I grabbed his leg, and twisted it wrongly, and he yelped, but then he was on me, snarling, and pushing me to the ground, I had to turn my back to him, and pray he did not bite me horribly- he did not- perhaps there was an angel there- but I knew to be more careful- but this is the difference between a dog and a wolf, dogs know we are fragile, and will not hurt us back, but a wolf- may lose their mind and stop caring- and that is why people can be killed with wolves in "captivity"
Wolves can have a lot of "pride"- do they get this from humans? Offend a wolf once and they may never, ever forget it- and be triple scrutinizing of your mental and spiritual energy- they are deep empaths
There is another clone body that is part animal, raised in animalia, and is used ot them, they are showing me- I may be transferred to him, and he will, be placed in Annah's view- and fall in love with her
I think he is part cat (??)
I have also sent out a message to Candys heart- if she wishes for a meeting with me- only to return to my window and make her sounds, and I will meet her outside- and play with her
If things progress decently, she is a physical being and I can show it with pictures, plus she will be "mine" after that she told me, "I will be like your dog"
I said alright- cool
My food bill will go up, but I will have a feline companion, then- will she be adverse to my desire to commune with the cryptids- I do not know
Also earlier, the puppies were playing wiht the husky- which he normally does not allow, but he seemed very engaged with them, and enjoying himself
And the female dog- seems to be tired of the attention and goes on top of the refridgerator to distance herself from the pups
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 26, 2024 23:57:55 GMT 9.5
I asked Annah just now- what would you do if I came to you as a cat?
I expected all manner of replies, and did not expect what she said:
"How will you make my heart feel?"
...wow
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 27, 2024 0:24:13 GMT 9.5
I showered.
I thought of Anastasia
Some thihngs were revealed about her:
She is in a spiritual and astral relationship with her other human man.
It is RIGHT relationship-
And why she is distant form me (right now)
I was shown her (and his requirements) for being with her- they are vast.
I was asked- should they be made easier?
I declined. No.
I want to be perfect for her
I want to earn it.
Part of it, is letting her go, so that the relationshop can be re-made
If I am okay with her being with him- something I sensed early on that enraged me- then she will feel safe to be "mine"- and she may feel safe enough to commit to me, in a permanent sense
Someone said, "She is not yours, it is just your turn" however- an opportunity to be with the most beautiful wolfess in existence? And to grow, and learn and do my utmost for her
It is what I have always desired
Perhaps from her desire
They also asked me, likely my heart issues are due to being connected with her- to gain heart health and perhaps a longer life- would I be willing to disconnected and lose her- I said NO, I would go to an earlier grave, if it meant havking been with her, known her, seeing her
No. She means everything to me.
And I see how that is a problem- about disconnecting form her, so the union can be re- established- as she dances with her "attentions"
I am seeing the thing I fear the mos-t losing her
OIs necessary in gaining her- it is easy to type, but it is a deep heart matter- however my beginning to detach and sicover myself- is paramount ot this end
Strangely I feel the dogmen are part of this
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 27, 2024 2:38:19 GMT 9.5
One of the reasons I am in a positive mood is because I drank beer last night. No hard liquor no wine.
I am seeing more and more about my relationship with Annah.
It's complicated right now, and it's also not.
I found a version of her that is afraid and alone - so I took her within myself, and not only that I also made space for her and made it so that she is comfortable.
However it is also true that I am going to have to embrace self- it's necessary
Anastasia may choose to join me after that
She will judge me to be worthy or not
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 28, 2024 23:29:47 GMT 9.5
A kerfluffle- when two canines are in a fight.
Yesterday, I explored more of my connection with Annah.
It seems Paul is right- she is similar to me, and my old self
I was, dealing with self-hatred issues within myself- and I felt, her connected with me in a resonance- and I explored her- there are parts of her that are angry with self
Why -
She connected with a young human when she was young
Then, she was rejected by a young human female
Then, she was rejected by humans as a whole
Then, she was rejected by her tribe
Then, she was rejected by more humans (A military group she admired before she learned their cruelty and evil)
Then, a human let her down terribly, and people she loved died
Then, she was attached to a human who hated himself (me)
Can you imagine
The poor girl.
And, to top it all off- she is beautiful in a way that most living things find her to be attractive- including her own tribe
Similar to me!
People these days, go out of their way to tell me I have attractive features, etc, even a client (male??) told me I had beautiful eyes last week
For me, it is the same for Anastasia.
My heart melts when I look upon her visage
And, she is powerful.
She became strong, in order to survive, I became psychotic, and violent
I was driving yesterday when a thought came to me, some groups consider me to be the most dangerous living thing on this continent
i think the devil, when I was attacked, exposed who I really was
Even to myself!
Well, I went to heal a part of myself, and I felt Annah's pained spirit (Over what she has endured), call to me, in a way- and she told me, she was unable to love herself- so, I lent her some of my love
And, in earnest- I connected with her- I surveyed her entire being, and admired her- entirety- from the soft, supple pads and heavenly scent of her feet, to her long, sexy, powerful legs- to her wide, powerful hips- and alluring pink flesh, to her strong chest, and attractive belly (Though she dislikes it, I like it.), her powerful, muscular back, her long, sexy arms- and soft, gentle hands (That can tear a human in half..), her thick, strong necks- her long, powerful muzzle, with the softest lips a man could touch, her sparkling, light-filled eyes, though there is a bit of pain in them- she is still beautiful- to her, tall, pointy ears, like pillars, an entry, to a sacred temple of love
And, I resonated with her attractiveness, her beauty, her magnetic nature- even if she lacked these things in herself- I resonated with them, for her
So, she could feel special
The outcome, I hoped- was that she would love herself
But it did not work. My love fell short.
She went, "Dark"
And, this morning, my heart sighs, because as much as I am attracted to her, she "likes" me at best- though I do not dare fault her for this, or place demands on her
Because, much the same as I was a terrible person, she was forced (Or willed?) to be patient with me- or, she rebelled totally and tried to kill me- it does not matter, you either accept a person, or you do not- including, stinky feet, adverse smells, tastes, attitude
Am I being held hostage by her heart?
She was held hostage to mine.
Am I simping for her
I reckon
There is another wolfess who appeared to me this morning, she has brown, black, white, and cream fur
I was shown, that, she had affections for me- she was in the military as well
What I was shown is- had I fo acknowledged her (I ignored/pushed her away, to focus on Anastasia, or Annah's familiar...) and moved my affections for her, and became one with her- that her affections for me are true, and real, and she would have given herself to me completely- and I would have been happy.
(with her)
So, I question the origin of my heart for Annah- and wonder- how did this happen?
In a previous life, were we both immature- or, do our higher selves, call to us, to connect- and this, seemingly adverse relationship I have with her- is the strange foundation of something beautiful later- though, it is somewhat frightening she did nibble on me- and that can carry in to other lives- though I do not shame her for it, only, pls don;t eat me, cos then I cannot touch you, or make love to you
BVut, do what seems best to you, wolf girl
Because I love you.
Well, I drank alcohol, and felt depressed, as I work out my depression, and I purchased a large stainless steel vessel, with which to fill with hard alcohol, it is my intent, when I am aged enough, or perhaps if I grow ill, that I can take my van, with this vessel, (5 gallons, 19L) and I will travel, it is my intent- to some outdoor realm, and then drink myself into the next life
If there is a dogman there, I may offer myself to him or her or them- in a sort of ritual festival, end of life- they may consume me, or give me burial rights
There are no other acceptable forms of end of life.
If I, perhaps, gather a physical mate in thsi life, I may ask her- or even possibly him- their heart in the matter, and may perhaps choose another way, however, most humans are cowardly, weak, and ingrained in "What is" rather than, what "could be"- and do not properly honor such things, choosing to suffer their final moments, drugged up and in a hospital, over an extended period of time
As the Bible says, "Strong drink for a dying person"
I am going to install the stainless steel vessel permanently in my van
I may drink from it from time to time, but knowing myself, I may find myself, facing my next life accidentally- we shall see
I intend to install a breathalyzer to hopefully ensure I do not drive the van while drunk- because I frequently do this, and jackass humans frown on this, while being drunk on their own thoughts
Hypocrites
Nearly the entire lot of them
Also, it became aware to me, that I am indeed starting a new religion, and, it was shown to me this morning, there is also a tremendous responsibility here, because many are attaching to this, revolving around my own unfoldment, and, my relationship with the wolfess Anastasia- whom I yearn for
My heart, my flesh- my tongue, all long to touch her powerful, beautiful, whole and living body
And, how other beings acknowledge, the eating and consumption of other things as becoming one with them
In a very intimate way-
And how Paul is wrong about one thing, sexual union IS the most important, unifying thing beings can engage in, for the simple purpose of, creating more life- which can change the course of all of creation with its being- or, affect it adversely- so maybe that was the point? To be careful with it?
And yet- we still share a heart.
And yet- the scent of her feet, carries my being to on High, her asshole scent makes me as hard as a rock, with a desire to clean her body with my tongue, her breath is hot and pulls me in, her body- my God, is hot, and tight- and when she is in heat- and I am with her, I lose entire weeks
And I do not care!
She is the love of my life.
What shall come o fit?
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 28, 2024 23:46:49 GMT 9.5
I ask, Annah, what is your desire of me- besides, evenings, filled with orgasms that make you forget every thought, deep, passionate lovemaking, rough as gentle, pleasuring my sexy wolfess-
What do you desire of me?
A divorce?
A kiss...
She tells me, when I am still- she desires from me what I desire of her-
And, to not give up on her
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