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Post by paul on Mar 14, 2024 13:24:50 GMT 9.5
... He also tells me, Freemasonry is an ancient group- maybe even older than Animalia.... The task underlying Freemasonry is very old: learning to manage the temple that extends from East to West and North to South and from the center of the Earth to the Heavens. Freemasons are taught this truth but it is very rare to find a brother that thinks that it is a real task. So Freemasonry after 1717 has largely been a failure. Meanwhile 37 nations have signed agreements about how to manage the solar system - that very temple to which Freemasons are supposed attend en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemis_AccordsI might deduce that currently at least 37 nations expect to be active in the solar system. Russia is partially engaged but China is not trusted. Access to the offered alien technology requires agreement/conformity with the ethical principles of the alien group It may be that at some stage those principles will be applied to management of Earth. The principles are closely based on the Prime Directive - first publicly exposed in Star Trek more than 50 years ago. How slowly does Earth humanity unfold. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prime_Directive
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 14, 2024 13:49:16 GMT 9.5
I think, the "real" me- held onto me as long as they could- but I could not continue to travel the course I was on- it was one of misery
I can see it now
This is why it seems as if I was abandoned- because I was
Some lessons are hard, and cold
And, my experiences can be colored by my emotions- such as, coming down off of alcohol withdrawals, I am reminded of why I am going through this.
And- I learned- never to tether my animals to a moving vehicle. I have to manually tether them to a tree or object from now on.
Also about my parents, how I am getting to a place where, it no longer affects me- I was angry at first- but now...
It just is what it is.
Now, I have to focus on my own future- as things have felt "up in the air"
As strange as it sounds, through this adversity I am experiencing suddenly, I am better able to "see" my true self- my friend, though a drunk, said how impressed he is by me, he said I am a "Human doing"- and I told him ironic, since Paul wants me to get in touch with beingness- as I have been in the business of "doing" and not "being"
I am also seeing more of the reality where Anastasia lives.
The prejudices, that lack of self love. Submitting to an idea that her people are somehow "inferior" to humans- at least in intellect- the stereotypes are often true- however I am against a wolfen feeling inferior to anyone- to me, they are amazing people, staggeringly attractive, beautiful in their physical form and hearts.
To me, they are wonderful
And, I love them.
So, as I grow, heal, and find wholeness- I believe my experiences will be of use to the Wolfen- and Anastasia.
If, she wants.
Alright.I am aware that the man I am becoming, is attractive to her. And, I like being attractive to her. If anything- she knows she's loved.
She reminded me, a few times- that what I offer her, "sounds good"- isn't that why two lovers, come to live with one another- it is for the sex
And companionship
Wolfen have "Needs" too
As I said, I want to be Anastasia's hero.
I am discovering more negativity, and self-hatred- and I am intending to change the spiritual energy around me- from negative- which is no fun- and invites darkness- to positive
Which is a much more comfortable feeling
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 14, 2024 14:07:17 GMT 9.5
... He also tells me, Freemasonry is an ancient group- maybe even older than Animalia.... The task underlying Freemasonry is very old: learning to manage the temple that extends from East to West and North to South and from the center of the Earth to the Heavens. Freemasons are taught this truth but it is very rare to find a brother that thinks that it is a real task. So Freemasonry after 1717 has largely been a failure. Meanwhile 37 nations have signed agreements about how to manage the solar system - that very temple to which Freemasons are supposed attend en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artemis_AccordsI might deduce that currently at least 37 nations expect to be active in the solar system. Russia is partially engaged but China is not trusted. Access to the offered alien technology requires agreement/conformity with the ethical principles of the alien group It may be that at some stage those principles will be applied to management of Earth. The principles are closely based on the Prime Directive - first publicly exposed in Star Trek more than 50 years ago. How slowly does Earth humanity unfold. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prime_DirectiveI have believed Star Trek was prophetic... But I was always so disappointed, you have strange aliens, but no wolf people? You could have added some animal people, it was the perfect opportunity for it! Just one wolf person! Some hot wolf woman or a handsome wolf guy And, they can be advanced, like the wolven peoples, but the wolven are advanced because they are hungry Or a catgirl So far my journey has been, "Holy shit. That's actually real??!" Paul is there other forms of tech being offered? Are any groups adverse to humans being in the solar system?
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Post by paul on Mar 14, 2024 15:19:31 GMT 9.5
>other forms of tech being offered? A huge question so here is a narrow answer According to exopolitics.org friendly aliens got fed up with repairing local damage from temporal wars and trained some humans to fix damaged timelines close to Earth. I have "seen" that the Earth dictatorial timeline has been sidelined. Apparently aliens saw that Earth's dictatorial timeline was going to spread across this galaxy and intervened accordingly. Sean-David Morton provides a useful account of alien interactions with Earth humanity - apparently based on a diary he inherited. Most of his accounts seem excellent and greatly extend traditional human histories of alien interactions. www.goodreads.com/series/347900-sands-of-timeHis books can be found online at zlibrary. Here is the onion link (Tor browser) bookszlibb74ugqojhzhg2a63w5i2atv5bqarulgczawnbmsb6s6qead.onion/Here is Tor browser www.torproject.org/Use the above link as some zlib links are fake. Some of the Montauk material is interesting - but mostly written by the human subjects so generally lacks a cosmic perspective
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Post by paul on Mar 14, 2024 15:26:39 GMT 9.5
>you have strange aliens, but no wolf people?
It seems that Sasquatch are etheric rather than dense physical. I expect they can appear as wolf people if you ask nicely.
Better perhaps to focus on your future rather than your past
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Post by paul on Mar 14, 2024 15:32:33 GMT 9.5
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 14, 2024 23:48:49 GMT 9.5
I still have no computer. So all replies are using a cumbersome phone
I understand about the dictatorial timeline... In fact, it affected the Wolfen people- and Anastasia directly.
The canines, are doing amazing, given their circumstances, some wounds I was worried about are closing
I was correct in my assumption about healing.
A long term wound care nurse also told me something similar: Do not clean the wound, seal it up for two weeks, then check on it.
I remember, being afraid of one injury where I could see my tendon, I was so vexed by it I sealed it and not the courage to check it in two weeks
When I checked it, it had expelled the paint, dirt, mud dust etc and the wound showed no signs of infection.
"The body is an amazing thing"
Your mileage may vary. I wonder how many humans would benefit from not cleaning their wounds out and letting their bodies heal naturally, rather than trying to intervene. And add neosporin
Anyway- I need to be in a better head space to digest those links, and that show- that looks pretty interesting to me.
I have made significant breakthroughs in my, leaving the oppression I have been under for some time
And, in sexual understanding, and in relationship with Anastasia.
Anastasia has agreed, to allow me to assist her in raising her vibration (To a higher, more happy plane, as we were both pretty dark at one point..)
More letting go, perhaps the last of it
I am trying to find the origin point, so that I can heal it, and "Connect the strand of life" that runs through me
It seems to have been severed and wounded, the attack was brutal
It is possible my higher me was quite angry with me
Or, something.
It was a battle this morning and last night
I sense the presence of the sasquatch or cryptid near me. It is possible he is trying to get my attention
I did feel the ground shake when he walked by
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2024 0:18:40 GMT 9.5
I am also aware of my own self-sabotage, the self oppression that is needed to for the OS to turn you into a victim- it is closely tied with my parents- and just to fully release it so it has no further power to oppress me
It is difficult, because it has been "home" for some time
All my life, in fact. And, Anastasia too.
It is difficult, because the trauma is self perpetuating, like terrorizing ones self.
I wonder if, it is adverse that I am trying to heal this, as the pain I have experienced in my life, is a symptom, if I ignore it, or it s not present, then I do not know there is a problem
I am unsure. I am trying my best.
I keep making plans during these, shifts in my consciousness, and then something happens, and everything changes.
Even the van is being knocked down again.
I can only assume a higher power, is guiding me- and the journey has been rough. I did contact a higher power this morning, and I was told that I had a negative and demeaning attitude to them, and how that is not good, because they are trying to help me.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2024 3:26:32 GMT 9.5
I need to be more concerned with my future than my past-
Likely timely advice at this point.
However, I have cycled:
Returning to a vocation I don't want to be a part of
Considering being honest with my visions and having the government take care of me (essentially. This is a virtual death sentence in perpetual poverty)
Selling everything and finishing the van, disappearing, and play it by ears where I go, with a friend in wyoming, or a friend in California
No, no, put the van on hold. That is escapism and we need to confront the things I am running from
Be age 44: men have started later in life at trying to make a living
Consider starting up a company in the vocation I dislike, but am "good at"
The economy is tanking, no calls
No calls: no employees.
I didn't want to do it, anyway.
What future? It seems like, things are in limbo, even my go-to vocation isn't working
Almost completely out of money, trying to get paid for jobs I have completed, timed it too late
The only job I enjoyed consistently, was telling people about wolves at the wolf sanctuary
And being a merc but that was tedious, dangerous work, that took a lot out of me. Adrenaline dump when I was at home was extreme.
"Find a job you like"
Nobody likes to work, and things are only getting worse
In my heart of hearts, I feel that I could be an ambassador for the Wolfen people, and to work with them on their behalf- not sure how viable that is, I don't live with them
Don't see much hope in the dating scene, as the things I was taught to rely on- are crumbling around me, "Working hard gives you a future", "Get a wife, kids, they'll take care of you later in life"
I am, "Thinking" about my future
It seems, as if the answers come in time, and can't be rushed
I am also in multiple transitions, like slowly tuning a radio dial, to see where I belong, my future, the people to surround myself with, what to do "for a living"
So far the answer is, to go on SSI, I do not consider seeing Ladywolf or Anastasia- an illness whatsoever, quite the contrary, they are my saving grace(s).
Go on SSI, live in the van, hit the road, try and figure life out
Also realize, I probably have to stop drinking, and become disciplined, and ordered- when will I actually do this?
Well, I am starting to go to bed at a consistent time, and waking up at not healthy hours, but still- at least it follows the circadian rhythm, and my heart has stopped palpitating over it
Well, it's something!
My "Family", parents, brothers, I have no communication with/they cannot be trusted or relied upon
I am on my own.
So, not only am I coming out of a 40 year depression, and deep trauma, plus a spiritual attack on my soul/clone/emotional body, while trying to "keep my head above water" financially, trying to keep food in my fridge, now I am caring for noisy puppies that grate on my sanity, and two wounded dogs, though their wounds are healing well
And I still want to drink. Spent yesterday convincing myself, not to drink again because the withdrawals are tormentuous, and now seeing a woman drink tequila and realizing I could use a shot, too
But, my drinking is better, I am drinking 1/5 of what I used to.
Maybe, i am slowly, re-assembling my life
Most of the podcasts I see about addiction say, discipline is necessary to come out of it- and I can see myself happier, healthier sober
Maybe cannabis
I guess it's back to building the van. Going from there. At least, it could be, a sort of home on wheels, something, I would hope that I can count on
The LS engine is one of the best gasoline engines, and durable, and the 4L80E transmission was professionally rebuilt, and is one of GMs most durable transmissions. The rear axle is full floating and strong, and I have an entire front end. At least it's something! Something I hope I can count on, I gave a woman advice when she bought an older RV i told her, just drive it- daily if you can, eventually you will settle in and realize you can trust it.
She said it was good advice
Van's not done yet. Have to mate a 2,000LB 900KG utility bed on a frame it wasn't designed for, I am confident in my abilities to do so, however not really "Looking forward" to it.
I cannot return to the wolf sanctuary. The owner is elderly and knows about my attraction to wolves (I was honest with her about it. Told her about the attack on my soul)
No family
Vocation I used to be able to rely on
Absolutely zero desire to "Learn something else"
Tired of the, "Well you're alive so you have to suffer like everyone else!" Other humans are growing tired too
"Late stage capitalism"
As Jordan Peterson says- an apocalyptic crisis is always, historically potentially right around the corner
Back to selling all of my things?
Cannot trust the mother. Have no help from anyone else.
I could have all of my problems solved with this horse she "said" is "mine"- but she is a scared little girl and cannot let-go of what is security for her
She could easily live another thirty years- as longevity runs in the family, all the older people say they will "Die soon" not true!
If/when she dies and I "inherit" the horse- though I told her to take me out of the will, as I will not be manipulated from beyond the grave- I will eighty-four years old with an expensive horse will it even be still alive
So, there is no counting on the horse. I have to do this myself
I am good at accomplishing things alone, but my compass, keeps getting distracted, moved around
My inner being, changing, healing, growing more centered, facing reality, trying to preserve my health, trying to manage a substance abuse addiction, trying to discover a way to "make a living" that I don't deeply dislike enough to not want to do it any more
Some times I honestly think a shitty 9-5 job at a gas station would make me happy- but come on, doubtful
I worked retail
It was hell.
I enjoy shooting things, but take less and less enjoyment in killing, even wild animals
I guess we'll see what unfolds in the future with me
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2024 6:28:33 GMT 9.5
I am going deep into the OS wounding that I believe reached a culmination at the wolf sanctuary.
I see a lot of damage, but it is intelligent damage, designed to keep me in a negative state
I am seeking answers about it
Anastasia has been coming to me, to minister to me, in any way she can to reach me. She has been assisting me in having hope, to be with her.
To be positive! The negativity was previously inaccessible to me.
I think these are necessary things that come to pass during healing- and, I am seeing more of Anastasia's true being, growing closer with Anastasia actual.
I still have those memories of my time with her in the machine- (When she nibbled on me a bit) but I am pushing into the courage- I am not giving up.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2024 9:48:07 GMT 9.5
Wow so, I am seeing my childhood got stunted by trauma and abuse, esp. sexual. Talk about uncomfortable emotions I am also seeing how many aspects of my brain is "broken" due to the focus on my childhood. youtu.be/eOlKnQRguqs?si=aVsOhXwSSymiB0LnI know it probably has been said before, but when new revelations come, it is amazing to me, how I could be so incorrect or not thinking properly. The healing progress of my dogs is hard to believe, how their bodies naturally just cure and fix them. They are remarkably well equipped, to self-heal, a characteristic inherited from the wild It does hurt to see it, the guilt of it But, they forgive me. Anyway wow. I keep pushing on into the trauma of this experience I had at the wolf sanctuary
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 0:44:34 GMT 9.5
I have been doing deep work with Anastasia.
There is a point where Anastasia and Ladywolf, intersect.
Life: .02
"HOOOWL..." I heard her how first, when I was camping.
All of the terrible things I had heard about wolves, coursed through my being, and made me shiver, as I reached for my small folding knife.
I was barely awake, the coldness had crept into my skin, even through my sleeping bag.
Lifting the binoculars to my eyes and peering out through the mesh, a tall Wolfess with pure white fur and cool yellow eyes, stood on the rocks above my tent.
Suddenly- all of the fear left me- and it was replaced with an attraction.
I squinted, trying to make sense of this flood of new emotions- she wore tattered leather coverings- signifying she had once been a part of a society.
"Hello?" I squeaked out- more of a croak- when she turned, her tail flowing behind her- and with two inhuman leaps- was gone.
~
I drove my Jeep back to the rock formation- feeling in my spirit- that I was safe with her.
I was so attracted to her- but I knew better than to just dismiss these emotions, that seemed a lot older than I was.
I had let a woman go early on in life- that I had feelings for- and regretted it almost daily since.
Next to me, rattling around, were two Subway sandwiches, chips, cookies, and two large Powerade drinks.
Arriving at the location- I could somehow, sense her presence.
Her people were known in this realm, to be temperate, intelligent, communicative- and ordered- but enjoyed their solitude.
I pulled up, pulled the Ebrake, and got out.
"Helooo wolf girl."
For a moment, I wondered if I was making a mistake.
As good of things as I had heard- they were still wolves.
And the wolves under Dark Mountain- had a reputation for leaving human bones- just like mine.
Well, that was a scary thought.
If she could smell my fear- she was certainly getting a nose full of it.
"Wolf girl?" I said, again, verifying she was in fact, female, with her breasts and flat loin cloth. I was nearly ready to leave when a rock smacked the ground next to my Jeep, bounced up, and clanked off of the fender.
I looked up to see her, hovering behind a rock, making herself look small.
"Hey! I got lunch!"
I saw her nose twitch, and heard her exhale sharply, probably to clear her sinuses, to smell for any threats.
"No threats- just turkey. What say you, wolf girl?"
"I'd like that." She said- or, at least- it sounded like she said that.
Slowly, she got down from the rocks, and stood in front of me- hear ears partially falling backwards- but this, sort of similar union, a resonance between her and I.
Had I known her in a past life?
Was she a wolf?
Was I, a human?
I held my hand out to her, and without taking it, she walked up to my Jeep- and I sensed her want to pee on it.
She never put me out of her purview- but stuck her snout in the Jeep, and inhaled- and for a moment her eyes closed.
"Hungry?" With growing salival drool strings, just forming under her lips, she nodded- probably not wanting to speak.
I reached into the Jeep, and pulled out a large, clean blanket, a bottle of wine, and a candle.
I don't know why I brought the candle- maybe for romance- but was I ready, to get involved with a wolf girl?
I layed out, on the blanket, the food, wine- though I left the bottle closed- some women became very uninhibited- and it was only if she asked for it to be opened, would I open it for us.
But, I did not want to be without an opportunity to imbibe.
I handed her her food, and her intense yellow eyes, surveyed it, almost exposing white.
"Like this." I said, softly, opening the wrapper for her, as she stared at me- the hairs going up on the back of my neck for a moment.
Blushing, a heat all around my face, partly with nervousness- partly with fear- I opened her sandwich, chips, cookie, and laid it all out at her feet.
Without betraying fear, I did the same with my food, and began to eat.
"I hope you like turkey." I said, though I spoke through the food in my mouth.
Slowly, she reached down, and picked up the sandwich, smelling it, then gingerly eating it- something that should not have made me concerned- but it did.
I was still wearing my blush, and hoped she could not detect it, though As if she sensed my thoughts, I felt her speak to me into my heart, "I can smell it."
I tried surveying the spirits around her, to try and make out what her life was like.
My human eyes, always curious, tried nonchalantly, seeing if I could see to the side of her loin cloth- just to make sure she was truly female.
Who was I kidding- I wanted to see her naked.
As if she sensed my thoughts again- though I felt no condemnation for it- she relaxed, in front of me, giving me the slightest views to the side of her loin cloth.
It didn't show much- but if it was symbolic- she was interested.
Interested in what?
The air between us grew warmer, and sweeter- but not, all the way to where she was fully comfortable with making otu with me- but was that really what I wanted?
Though she ate gingerly at first- she finished the meal in just a few minutes once she felt she could trust me.
"So, uh, what's your name?"
"Anastasia." She said, lifting one lip, still chewing some of her food.
"That's a beautiful name. I'm Dave."
She stared at me, as if to say, "I know."
It stung a little- she was so new to me, but the air between us was, she remembered me, from a time I could not fully remember.
She held out a soft, furry hand, which I took, and gently pumped, then leaned forward, and kissed her fingers.
Her nose twitched, and she adjusted her seating, her cool eyes surveying me for a moment, then looking off into the distance, her tall, pointy ears, perking fully up, as she looked around.
I tried finishing my food, but ended up not having the same mouth capacity as she did, so I handed her the last half of my sandwich, and began eating the chips.
I knew if I suggested I open the wine- she would say yes- and then we'd skip much of the relationship- and move straight to lovemaking.
Lovemaking- with a wolf girl. I had been curious in the past, and looked up the porn- they mated human enough.
She ate slower, her eyes, taking me in, but it was my turn to look off into the distance.
"What do you want, Dave."
I chuckled- she was one of the empathic ones. When I looked into her eyes, she pushed her feet out, opening her legs, while staring into my eyes- I assumed this was wolf girl flirting body language.
Do I take her now? No.
There was something about her.
It went deep.
I did not want to shallow it with premature sex.
"Where do you live?" She pointed up into the cliff face.
"You wanna go there?" She asked, with a cock of her head.
Damn- I had forgotten.
This was their mating season. It had been announced on the news- when camping- to be aware you may see various peoples and creatures being more, "Adventurous" around humans, they said.
"I would like to bring you lunch again tomorrow, Anastasia. Are you okay with that?"
With a dismissive shrug- I felt her take on the air of rejection.
It turns out, wolf people were not so different from humans, after all.
I glanced at her feet- and found them, well... beautiful.
"Are you uh..."
She stared at me- she was not going to answer me- she was getting back at me for not pushing her against the blanket, and making love to her right then and there.
God- I wanted to, though- and her pheromones had a remarkable effect on me, personally- it made me wonder if in some strange way, I was part wolf.
She looked off- into the distance with a sigh I almost didn't notice, when I crawled over to her, and looked into her eyes.
"Are you in heat?"
She scoffed, the fur on her cheeks bunching up in a lupine blush.
"You tell me." She said, forcing my face into her loin cloth.
With everything in me, I wanted to lift that flap, and bury my face between her legs.
Her cool yellow eyes seemed to burn holes into me, as I pushed myself up by my arms.
Braving- whatever- I pushed forward, and pressed my lips to hers.
I felt her entire body relax- and a flood of her thoughts crashed into my being like a tsunami.
"Wow. I'll be back tomorrow with more food. Okay?"
She did not answer, but scoffed, sighed, and relaxed in resignation.
"Fine." Her eyes had a fire in them, that made me shiver.
~
"Come." she said, after finishing her food, painfully slowly- in order not to offend me- and reached behind her, after getting to her feet.
I took her hand, and she pulled me up a rock, with effortless strength.
I knew her people were stronger than humans, but feeling her lift me up like I weighed nothing without so much as a second glance, gave me goosebumps.
"Wait! The wine!"
She looked behind herself, at me, almost offended, and pulled on my hand- letitng me know:
There would be no drinking.
"Oh." I said, when I noticed her tail, pushed out a little, and just slightly to the side. She scoffed, watching me gawk at her canine body language.
Before we got to a hidden cave mouth, with precision only a creature with claws could display, she dropped her loin cloth.
Some brown and yellow urine stains stained her genital fur, and I could see just the slightest pink mound between her legs.
Reaching behind her- as her pheromones, and passionate lustful desires for me, flooded the air and spirit realm between us- and for some time- I sensed her every thought, passion, and desire.
And she, flirted with me- asking me, my desires of her.
Getting to a straw mattress, she lifted her tail for me, glancing behind her, then looking forward, her ears falling back.
What if she got pregnant? What if she hated my body?
"Stop. Climb on."
She looked behind her.
"Just trust me. You are thinking too many useless thoughts. There is a hole- fill it like you were born to do."
"There are two holes-"
She glared behind her at me.
"No. Got it." She scoffed- but in her heart- she told me, there would be time for that later- when she got to know me better.
And, as I would discover later in life- she was almost always right.
And, so, after quickly starting a fire next to us, I made love to Anastasia- putting intention into the shaft of my dick, to pleasure her as truly as I could- and the little sex magick spell worked.
She became mine, that cool afternoon- becoming addicted to my body- sending shivers up and down my spine- with the powerful knowledge, that I now owned her- as my mate.
What would my work say...
What would the village say?
Who gave a shit.
Eventually, I could not hold back any longer, and pulled out, squirting on her back- something that seemed to anger her, as she moved even before my orgasm was over, onto her back, letting me cum on her belly.
With tongue lolling out, she played with my cum on her belly.
I could see her pussy better- and it looked inviting- a sort of portrait to a magical experience- a cherry on top of a cake.
I panted, falling onto her chest, breathing deeply as she caressed my back with her claws.
I correctly guessed there was no wasting of time with her people- they fully embraced their bodies- and the bodies of their lovers.
She sighed on me, her breath, as hot as her pussy- much hotter than the fire next to me, that crackled softly into the night.
~
"What the hell happened?"
I grinned- biting my teeth.
"When did you shoer last- Ah. Yeah I get it now. You were with someone."
"A wolf girl."
Tex reared back, slightly, his eyes going a bit wide.
"A Wolfen?"
I nodded.
"For a week!"
I nodded.
"God damn it, we are backed up FIVE DAYS ON TPS REPORTS. I don;t care who you fuck, but have those on my desk TODAY!"
I nodded, unable to wipe the grin off of my face- and barely able to walk.
I swore- I could hear her howl for me in the distance- I thought I had satisfied her- kissing her goodby as she slept on her mattress- but I could feel it, in my heart- she wanted my body even more now, than she did when I was making love to her body in the cave, just yesterday.
"I have to go."
"DAVE!"
~
I lay with Anastasia- running my fingertips up and down the fur on her powerful back.
I was drained. She seemed, slightly less horny now, a week and a half later- than when we first made love.
Grasping me, and rolling me onto my back, switching the position, Anastasia's powerful body laid on top of me.
"I'm keeping you, human."
I chuckled, caressing her soft, warm belly.
"I like you too, Anastasia."
"You can't leave."
She said, then pressed her muzzle to my ear:
"Ever."
I swallowed hard- as I felt her, possibly mortally serious.
"Oh- Alright."
"I'm kidding, Dave."
She said, climbing off of me, and stoking the fire, for my sake.
I grinned- wanting to laugh- but I was still too... concerned.
"I'm kidding I said." She said, poking the fire with a stick. She turned to glance at me.
"Alright, wolf girl."
Anastasia smiled, softly, and sighed- her mind going back to carnal pleasures- and when I heard that soft canine sigh, I knew, she was still horny.
Her sigh made me hard, and I lay on my back, letting her see my erect penis.
I made love to her, one last time- getting closer to that sacred spot under her tail, where she was most vulnerable- almost being worried about the type fo orgasm she would have from it- her entire body going rigid- then quivering when she came, over, and over- becoming more, and more mine.
Whether I admitted or not, I had entered into a sacred mating contract with her- that her people took very seriously.
"Hey." I said, as she opened her eyes, laying on top of me, me, still inside of her. She clenched down, and I dug my fingernails into her back.
"Come- ah, Come live with me."
"With humans?"
I nodded, smiling.
"Ew."
I chuckled, under her, as she lay back down onto me.
~
I was able to find a new job pretty fast, and got caught up with all of my bills.
Anastasia waited for me, in my apartment, and was visibly part bored, part annoyed.
She looked up at me, ears back, defeated.
"I'm horny." She said, flying to my pants before I could so much as open my mouth, unzipping me, and getting me hard with that insanely skilled Wolfen tongue of hers.
She dropped her shorts, bent over, and lifted her tail for me.
"The other one." She said, when I began to push inside of her pussy.
"Oh..."
"Just use spit." She said, gritting her teeth, knowing it was going to hurt... At first.
In front of me, she waited.
Fuck it.
I got on my knees, smelling her canine musk, began rimming her with my tongue. She moaned, sighing, as I gently began to loosen her up, rather than just forcing myself inside- although I knew, forcing yourself inside created a lot of pain, that turned into even more pleasure- when loosening her up slowly, would usually mean less pleasure in the end.
"What do you want, wolf girl?"
"Hard and rough." She said, but the moment she said it- her inner being cried out to me:
She wanted to be treated with dignity.
"How about we save that for later." Above me, she nodded, sighing as I caressed her tailhole, giving me a sacred glance at her pleasure filled, narrow eyes.
It was the first time we tried anal, and she had an orgasm from it- but as I held her in my arms afterwards, smelling her deep Wolfen scent in her neck, I asked her:
"Are you happy here?"
"No."
"Why, may I ask?"
"Too many humans. Smells everywhere confuse me. No freedom. No hunting. No wild. Just... Architecture. Everywhere. Nothing natural. Too many loud sounds, hurt my ears, even with everything shut. The ground... Is too flat. My feet feel weird on it. So many intrusive thoughts- they..." She said, pointing to our neighbors adjacent to the living room,
"Have very, very dark thoughts, Dave. The wife is planning on killing the husband- their misery is like a stench that ruins my day, every day. And they..." She said, pointing to the neighbors adjacent to the kitchen...
"Are boring. They have two thoughts, and that's it. That's it, Dave! TWO." She said, holding up two fingers, then her ears, falling back as she sighed.
"You wanna go back to the cave?" She looked up at me, as I got from the bed, and began to make coffee.
"Coffee sounds so good right now." She said, reaching behind her, and scratching her asshole.
She stared at me- in such an intensity, i was not sure what she wanted.
"Do me in the butt."
"Again?"
"Did I stutter." She said with a scoff, then bent over, and lifted her tail for me.
Her flesh was soft, and so gently pink- I never had trouble performing for her.
I rimmed her again, but her alluring musk as gone, replaced with the dull scent of my human spit.
Now, I was a bit rougher- and before I could ask, her face contorted in what could have been agony- she reached behind her legs and fingered herself, her hole clenching on me, her hips bucking- and me- unable to hold it in any longer- just slightly disappointed I did not last longer- and I spilled my seed within her.
"Didn't last. That means I'm good." she said with a wolfish grin, then returned to our bed, curled up, and fell asleep.
Though she smiled, softly, reaching behind her, and scratching her hole again, I could tell- she was deeply depressed.
~
"What are you doing?"
Anastasia asked as I began tearing my work van apart, removing all of the interior bits.
"What?" she said with a chuckle, behind me.
"I'm making this live in. For us." I said, turning to face her, and grabbing her hips as she looked into my eyes.
"You think that will fix anything?"
"Give it a chance."
"You're my mate- I will do as you ask."
"You have a choice in this, too, girl."
"That's not how we do it."
"Some of you do." I said, kissing her, before taking more tools out of the van.
I had a telecommute job now, and did not need them- so the decision was easy.
Six months later- I had a van that made Anastasias eyes light up when she saw it- that wolfish grin on her soft face- lighting up my heart.
"We need to break it in." she said, her voice having the softest twinge of a Spanish accent.
"You read my mind. Let's go camping near where we met!"
"Camping?" She said, looking into my eyes, confused as I felt her stealthy fingers go down my pants.
"Is this camping?"
I chuckled, kissing her.
We made love that afternoon, then immediately left for her old home.
~
We were on the road for two and a half months.
Anastasia was finally happy. At least- she looked happier. Her childlike grin when we would watch sunrises and sunsets with coffee in our hands, was light for my entire being. I would watch her, sighing contentedly.
My wolf girl was finally happy.
So, when she began to drink more alcohol in a day than I drank in a week- and never stopped letting up- I began to realize, she was losing herself to the alcohol.
However, I had learned in a previous life- sometimes, a person needed that.
So, I bought her the booze- and kept feeding her sights, forests, lakes, mountains- natural beauty- and giving her the space to enjoy it.
Kissing the back of her neck, her scent had changed from the alcohol, slightly- but it was sweeter, now.
"I love you, wolf girl." I whispered into her ear.
"I wuv yu. To." She laughed, sticking her legs up in the air, and sending me a wet fart. Laughing, pressing her hand against the front of her muzzle, she said,
"Oops."
"Sorry- was I too rough?"
"Not... Ruf. Enuf!" She said, poking my belly and trying to lift her tail, but falling onto our bed- almost off- before I grabbed her body and pulled her back on.
"Wanna watch a movie?"
I said, knowing she was nearly passed out.
She mumbled in my armpit, and sighed.
"Do you wanna sleep?" I whispered in her ear.
"I wanna watch top gun." I almost asked, "Again?" But, if that was what she wanted.
~
Six years later, she had begun to get a hold on her alcohol consumption- I had only mentioned it once- and left it alone after that.
I could sense her and I growing distant.
"Do you..." I said with a sigh.
"Your heart is so heavy. What? Do I what?"
She looked into my eyes, in tight jeans and a tight white tshirt that left nothing to the imagination.
"I can bring you back to your old home, if you need... A break."
She sighed- most of me wanting to reassure me she didn't want that- but then her ears fall back against her head, and she sighed.
"I can't do that."
"Why?" I asked.
"I'm with you. Wolfen do not abandon their mates."
"You're not abandoning me- you're... Taking a break."
"I don't need a break." She said, strapping shoes on her feet.
"Do you WANT one?"
"Do you?"
I shook my head, and looked into her eyes- when I realized my expression was more pained than I realized.
Pushing me against the bed, she climbed on, and straddled me, kissing me, licking my throat, nuzzling me, and then, collapsed on top of me.
"Maybe a hotel."
A chill ran through me.
"S-Sure." I said.
I began looking for one, when she pushed my hand down.
"You know we knew each other in a past life, right?"
"We did?" I asked.
"I ate you."
My eyes went wide, and the hair stood up on the back of my neck. Suddenly, the air between us grew ice cold.
She exhaled hotly on my throat, then began raking her canines against my skin.
She pushed harder and harder until I was gritting my teeth, and the bedsheets, when she began to breathe more heavily- nearly panting on top of me.
I did not want to feel the marks on my throat, but if they were bleeding, I would not have been surprised.
With a soft sigh, she rested her head on my chest.
Gently, I touched a hand to her back- realizing, if she was right, her raking her canines against my throat, was the completion of a karmic cycle- and it was essential that I allowed it.
But, it hurt. And, it was disconcerting- there was now a genetic marker between her and I, that I had to overcome.
Is this why she needed space?
"You ate me??"
On top of me, she nodded. "They put my heart in you cos you died. You fell in love with me because of it."
That was a hard truth.
I felt all of my memories with her, the good ones- drain away.
"Oh."
"I'm still your wolf girl."
"Right."
She pushed herself up by her hands, and looked down, into my eyes.
"You travelled across plains of existence to be with me."
"I did?"
Above me, she nodded.
"You said you loved me."
"I DO love you."
"I'm sorry for drinking so much. It probably won't stop."
"I understand."
"What did I... Taste like?"
"Delicious."
I shuddered, under her.
I needed a drink.
~
"I'm sorry." anastasia said, slurring her speech, on the couch in the kitchen.
"Don't be. You haven't disappointed anyone."
She smiled, looking up at me, with the most gentle, soft yellow eyes I had ever seen.
It had been worth it, to take on her karmic debt, and let her cancel it out on me. The hardness had left her- she still drank a lot, but there was a freedom about her now, that made me smile, and made it pleasant to be around her.
"Can we go back to Arizona?" She asked, rubbing her legs against me, those soft eyes, going warm, as her passions began to flow within her.
"Sure." I said, reaching down and biting her neck- and she cried out in an orgasmic sound.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 1:59:49 GMT 9.5
In exploring more of my past- as it turns out, my foundations for living life, were created by a 2 year old little girl and a 7 year old little boy who married and raised ME
It turns out, the number of human "Adults" who ARE ACTUALLY CHILDREN
It turns out I am twelve years old
So much of my past, also dictates my future
For example:
In dealings with money, I was taught about scarcity, money is the "Root of all evil", life is a constant desperate struggle, damnation can come at any time, and the world is getting ready to "end" forever...
What kind of attitude would these things create in an impressionable little boy???
Religion is the root of all evil. It was once needed to keep basic humans in line, but now, all it does is condemn, and people hate it.
But, as I have been doing deep energy work on my past, these things are being corrected...
Even this morning I am discovering more "natural" higher vibrations, more natural positive attitude with respect to currency, more natural adjustment to HAPPIER PLANES, when previously I was living in MISERY due to my PROGRAMMING
My mother is a two year old for fucks sake
My father, five? Seven???
How much of this was predestined, where I volunteered for this adverse treatment, I do not know, all I know is, my life has been extremely hard, up until now
So, it is still necessary, at least at this point, to travel backwards, as it affects my forwards
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 2:32:34 GMT 9.5
Life V:2
"GET DOWN!!!"
My commander screamed as a bolt cut through him, me, landing on my back, as all around us, red hot slag flew through the air, whistling all around us.
I began to push myself forward to send hot plasma into the Keranids, when an eight foot tall wolf woman emerged in front of me.
She was tall, clad in the same armor that I was, her eyes, lit ablaze by the firestorm of high velocity metal, being flung from bolt guns, mortars, and artillery.
Without hesitating, I lept forward, grabbing her, putting my foot on her foot, and pulling her into the trench, but not before I turned midair, so I did not land on top of her.
Instinctively, we both looked up, and saw a volley of red hot bolts fly right through the space where the wolf woman stood.
"Fuck." She said, in gratitude, the flashes of crimson, sparkling in her eyes.
For what seemed like an eternity, I was rendered helpless, captivated by her eyes, that seemed to stare into mine- as if we had known each other for countless lifetimes.
A shell exploded by us, throwing her and I, into another ditch.
~
I awoke to a bright grey sun, shining down on us. She lay on top of me- blood dripping from wounds in her face. For a moment, I feared the worst- but then, I felt her sigh.
Immediately, I got an erection- but it was the most confusing boner I had ever received- and deep down, the last thing I wanted her to do was to get up from her spot on me, to find my hard dick pressing up against her.
I waited- the explosions, and gunfire had stopped- and all that remained was the acrid stench of cordite, from some of the bombs that had exploded just hours ago.
I sighed, resigning my fate- I was horny for this woman- it was, what it was.
"You okay?" I whispered softly, caressing between her ears- which only made me even harder.
"God damn it." I whispered, realizing just touching her, probably extended my erection another ten minutes, at least.
"What?"
She spoke.
I froze.
"Are you okay?"
She drew in a deep breath, then sighed- her hotter lupine body heat, began to soak into me in a deeper way- maybe it was our sexual chemsitry?
"Yeah." she said, trying to push off of me, and falling back on me.
"No." She said with a sigh, moving her head so that I could see her eyes.
There were tears in them- but likely from the irritation of the bomb residue, rather than she was crying.
Was she crying?
"You okay?" I asked, looking into her eyes.
Suddenly, her eyes focused on me- were we sharing the same emotions?
"Hold me."
Immediately I wrapped my arms around her- and I watched her cool golden eyes relax.
"To stop the bleeding-" She said, when she was cut of by a change in her demeanor.
She stared at me, narrow eyed.
I felt her clawed hand touch my crotch- and then her black lips curl up in a smile.
"Is it me, or..." She said, coughing, and then spitting up some blood.
"It's you."
She lifted her head, cocking it to the right, her eyes staring so deeply into mine, stripping me raw, exposing me to my core.
Without saying a word, she pressed her lips to mine, and teased me with her tongue- I exhaled involuntarily into her mouth, smiling over how ridiculous it was that she was getting this reaction from me.
I saw the grin grow on her muzzle, and she must have sensed everything I was feeling- her eyes looking right, and then left, then her grin growing.
"Give me puppies."
"WHAT."
"Shhh." she said, pressing a finger to my lips.
God, she was beautiful. I had always had a thing for her kind, but I never acted on it- partly due to societal stigma, partly, because they were so powerful- I wondered if they would have anything to do with me. Below her, I was rock hard.
I felt her fingers move about between us, I felt the coolness of the morning on my member- and then her impossible, soft, wet heat.
Above me, her lips parted, and she sucked in some air, her eyes rolling up for a moment as she slid deeper onto me- emitting a soft feminine grunt, when she looked back into my eyes.
She pushed down, getting me as deep inside of her as I could get- and below her, I pushed upwards, causing her eyes to roll back into her head.
It was awkward. The armor clanked, softly as we rode each other, and I was only ever to get so deep within her, but the moment I could not hold out any longer, and spilled my seed deep within her, she pulled me out, and zipped her, and I, back up- allowing me to work my own zipper when I grabbed her hand.
She looked into my eyes and grinned, then rolled onto her side with a big sigh, and a soft pant.
Her hand went back to my zipper, and pulled it down.
"Damn girl- you horny."
She looked into my eyes, and I could see, there was a much deeper connection here.
"It's just a thanks- for saving my life. Plus, I wanna see it. Damn- made me shiver. How big are you?"
I was made acutely aware, that her people were used to days and weeks long love sessions when they went into heat- and suddenly little else mattered.
She got me hard again, with her hot, wet mouth, and soon- she had another reward for me.
Licking her lips, she left me to zip my pants back up.
Wiping her mouth, she turned to look at me.
"There's obviously a cease fire." She said, her eyes bouncing up and down as she looked deep into my own- then pressed her lips to mine and kissed me.
I tasted myself on her tongue- but I did not mind.
"Annahs to Zeus, I have a transfer, a wounded soldier from sector nine seven. I am taking responsibility, for... Wolf... to care for him as his injuries are not life threatening- and I am also requesting R & R."
"Roger."
Oh shit.
She had just commandeered me.
"Do you like me?"
"Yes!" I squeaked out- falling so deeply in love with her- it terrified me.
~
She took me back to her quarters, and stripped naked.
She was fit, toned, and even more beautiful without her armor, and helmet on.
She smiled when I took in her pussy, then looked into her eyes, like a hungry teenager.
She guided me to her bed, where I got to know her body- and learned what it meant to be with a Wolfen woman, who was in heat.
We maintained communication after the service.
She was wild- and never had a boyfriend longer than a few weeks.
However- there was something so much deeper between us- with the exception that, her life had been hard, and she struggled to form deeper connections with men who loved her.
I was different- however- and unbeknownst to me, I had begun to steer our relationship towards having her live with me.
I had been paid handsomely, and had a sizeable cabin in the woods- that she loved fucking me in, her exotic, wild eyes, staring out of the window, into the forest, before her orgasm forced her head down, and her eyes, looking back into my own.
"You ever think about staying?"
"Naw. Your coffee maker sucks."
I scoffed.
"It was twelve hundred dollars!"
"That's why it sucks, man." She said, climbing off of me as I shook my head.
"What's wrong with it!" I called out to her as she squatted in my bathroom, taking a piss.
"Too many fucki'n levers and shit. God damn it, I just want to press a button."
"So that's the only reason you don't want to stay here, with me?"
She thought about it, smacking her lips together, then sighing softly as she looked out of the large window my bed was against.
"Pretty much. I mean- they did increase my rent. Speaking of which..." She said, padding her way over to me, with that glow in her eyes that carried me away like an exotic ocean leading to an unknown paradise...
"What would my rent be."
"Let me smell your toes."
Slowly, the sultry look began to melt from her face.
"What?"
I chuckled as she climbed onto the bed, next to me. She was a bit stunned, or she would have been on top of me, again.
"I got a whiff of your combat boots when you were, 'taking care' of my wounds- and I haven't been able to get that scent out of my head. I've been... Waiting for an opportunity to ask you. Weird fetish- I know, but..."
"My kind are run on scents, including foot. It's not weird at all. That's all?" She asked, turning on the bed, and placing her bare feet on my chest, as I cupped my hands around her paws, and breathed through her toes- closing my eyes as I was carried away to a paradise few men ever could know.
"That's my rent?"
"Four sniffs a day."
She chuckled.
"I got other things you can smell, too."
She turned and sat on my face, me getting a deep whiff of her heat, and musky tailhole. I tongue fucked her, growing hard, as she took care of my with her soft, supple hands.
When we were finished, she collapsed next to me.
"You really want me to stay here, with you?" She asked, caressing my arm softly with a claw.
"With all my heart."
She smiled, a satisfied woman, and kissed me, as the sun began to set in my cabin bedroom.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 4:00:10 GMT 9.5
Life V.3
"Nice." I said, picking a mushroom from a tree for my omelette.
"Sweet." I grinned- it was a deep red color- those were rare- but man, did I love them.
I picked a few more, before turning, and freezing in terror.
Shaking, I tried grabbing my dagger- but my fingers only limply slapped against it.
I tried stepping back, but only fell- spilling my entire basket of mushrooms and berries.
I finally got a hold of the dagger, when the creature cocked its head.
"Y-y-you STAY B-b-back!!" I said, my words choking up in my throat.
I was able to pull the dagger two inches out of its ornate metal sheath, when the wolf monster hopped over to me, cocking its... Cocking HER head, as she towered over me, her bright yellow eyes glowing like twin suns against her all black face.
She pointed to the dagger- but it was too late for that.
I was dead.
"Just get it over with." I said, lifting my chin, tears streaming down my face.
This was how it ends.
How fucking pointless.
I had a omelette waiting for me in my warm, comfortable home. I had just gained respect from my Elfen magic guild- by passing my fifth column ascension-
Only for it all to end.
By a wolf monster.
Unable to even draw a small dagger to defend myself.
"Just k-k-ill me!" i said, regret gripping my soul- maybe being torn apart was my just deserts ofr not paying more attention to my surroundings.
She was just a few feet away- and now, she was on top of me.
She seemed to hesitate, pushing, probing into my space with her muzzle- gauging my reaction, as I didn't care to see her better, especially not through my tears.
Wolf monsters had been spotted recently nearby- but I had gotten drunk and forgotten that.
Now I was going to pay the price.
"Come on!" I said, pulling the dagger out a few more inches, sensing an opportunity to plunge it into her throat and kill her- as revenge for killing me, and taking my future from me.
Her hand reached down, and pulled the dagger out for me, pushing it into my hand and cocking her head.
"JUST DO IT!"
"Do wha."
"Kill me."
She smelled my throat, but nothing could have prepare me for what I felt the moment her hot, wet tongue touched the skin of my throat.
My body went rigid, and a magick electricity surged through me- escaping with a sigh, my eyes wide- my body, deeply attracted to her.
"Elfs taste like grease. Eh." She said, making a grimace and pointing to her mouth.
"What this."
She said, pointing to the dagger.
"BITCH!" I yelled, taking a swing at her throat with the dagger, which she, comically avoided with just the slightest use of her powerful muscles.
"Is game?" She asked, effortlessly swatting the dagger out of my hand.
Reaching over, she took it into her hand, and poked her palm with it, then shrieked.
"NOT FUN GAME." She said, hissing in my face.
"It's not a game... You're... not going to kill me?"
"Stupid." She scoffed, throwing the dagger a distance I knew I would never see it again.
"No, I have... Other thing I want."
"Wh-What's that?" I asked, knowing full well exactly what she meant. Her kind were usually one of three things, angry, hungry... or horny.
Well, that afternoon I discovered what it meant to mate with a wolf monster. She wasn't pushy, or rapey- but I had no urge to decline her offer to mate with her.
Towards the end, as she rode me- I began to relax- the adrenaline cooling off- and before I climaxed, looking deep into her hot sun-eyes, I felt her... From inside. Fully.
I had been with Elfen women- but this- maybe it was the surge of fear I felt, the dagger play- but when I came, my eyes went wide, my body tensed up- and above me- she just grinned.
She rode me not too longer after, as I was too soft- shortly after, regretting it, as now I smelled like wolf monster genitals- and how was I going to explain that to the town council.
She got off of me, picked up my basket, and handed it to me. Her ears fell backwards, and she had almost a shamed look on her wolf's face.
I picked up the basket- I could still salvage the omelette- though I felt naked without my dagger- though I also realized a hell of a lot of good it would do me in a real dangerous situation.
I needed more training.
I backed away from the wolf monster, buttoned up my pants, filled the basket with the truffles that weren;t too close to her, and began walking bristly back to my home.
Behind me, I caught glimpses of her- what was she doing? Didn't she get what she wanted out of me?
How much more of my dignity did she want?
Branches cracked behind me- and my analytical brain began to work- if there was another wolf monster there, maybe she would keep me safe from him.
I still had my old apprentice dagger at home- if she tried to break in, I could use that- it only had a leather sheath.
I jogged to my door, looking behind me- and saw her, in the treeline, peering at me.
Fumbling with the door, I heard a rapid series of footsteps, and suddenly- a wolf monster was standing next to me.
I knew they were fast, but god damn.
With one finger, she lifted the latch, pushed the door open, and peered cautiously inside.
"Like a cub. You need much help." She said, smelling the home, and taking small steps inside.
She padded over to the eggs sniffed, and turned to look at me.
"Um- that's mine." I said, suddenly recalling her incredible body heat- if only the Elfen knew- maybe more of them would try to make friends with these wolf monsters, instead of fearing and hating them.
"Yes- I assumed so."
I chuckled at her demeanor. What was it- a gentle spirit I was sensing from her? I surveyed her body- mostly smooth black skin, some patches of fur here and there, and her cookie, as some called it- in full view.
Large black feet padded aside, and she watched hungrily, wide eyed as I pulled the mushrooms out- and fetched my old apprentice dagger from above the kitchen window- and began cutting the truffles and three mushrooms.
Damn, I had left the deep red one on the ground where she...
Where she...
I turned to look at her.
Her ears fell back and she stepped away.
"No more... No more games. Please." She said, pointing to the dagger.
"No more games, but, don't you!" I began to say, scolding her for... Mating with me...
Was it the afterglow...
What was it about her, as she peered at me with those eyes that shown like fires in the forest, seemingly charged up by the sun.
"Do not. What."
"Uh, make me spill my berries again."
She cocked her head, shrugged, and stood by the table.
"Sit down." She cocked her head at my command.
"Put your butt on the chair."
"What is, butt? Chay?"
"That is your butt, and that is the chair." I said, when she grinned, after I pointed at her ass.
"Like this." I said, exasperated, and sat on the chair. I waited for her- and she slowly, began to sit on it, but not before whipping her tail of out the way.
"Can we, have more butt, later?"
Crone on a stick, what a question.
What was I going to do, keep her as a pet? Or worse- a sex slave?
I sighed, comparing her to the Elfen women I had known, and realizing, none of them held a candle to her.
"I- I don't know."
She wore a hurt face, rejected, and eyed the door.
"Yes, fine." I said, softly. Her face lit up and she sort of bounced on the chair under her.
"Is it your season? Are you... In heat?"
"Heet?"
"Mating, sex, butt."
She nodded.
"That explains it."
"You are... Attractive. For a wolf monster, I mean." Her tail began slapping the chair behind her, and her grin, was comical.
"I, pretty?"
"Yes." I said, nodding. If we were going to be lovers, I might as well treat her like a lady.
I finished cooking the omelette, cut her a piece as her drool strings began falling onto my floor, and set the plate in front of her.
"NO!" I yelled when she picked up the plate, and tried to bite it, but not before jerking it away from me, and cracking it with her fangs.
"Bleh." She said, tossing it onto the floor.
"Watch." I said, using a fork, and slowly, putting a piece into my mouth.
"Stupid games."
"No, you don't have to use a fork, but, don't eat my plates!"
I picked up the omelette, and the broken dish, and brought them to the sink basic- and rinsed the pieces out of the omelette. When I was sure there was nothing that could hurt her, I set it on the table in front of her.
She looked up at me- though she was a literal killing machine- the purity and innocence I saw in her eyes, made me sigh- and feel a little guilty for mating with her at all. She was twice my height- so I assumed she had only been given a limited education in my language, and not a young wolf monster.
"Look, what if you get pregnant?"
"Puppies?"
"Yeah."
She shrugged. "Then, there are puppies here."
"I guess so."
She looked down at the omelette and began salivating again.
"Just... Fucking pick it up and put it in your moth!"
She did as I asked, and tossed it into her massive, gaping maw, and with three quick chews- it was gone.
She rubbed her belly and smiled.
"Taste good."
"Y-Yeah, well." I said, the adrenaline dump hitting me hard.
"You're not gonna... Fucking... Bite me or anything, are you?"
"You want? I should bite?"
"NO!"
"Okay, then."
"I need to go to bed, do you mind... Sleeping outside? It's not like you're not used to it." I said, when her face seemed to melt, and she slowly moved back away from me, her eyes falling on the dagger.
"Please. No."
"Well what then, I only have one bed!" I protested, when she looked at it, then at me, her ears falling backwards.
"I keep you warm."
"No biting, scratching, or... Peeing. Or, biting dishes!"
She nodded with an enthusiastic grin.
I climbed into bed with a depe sigh, braving my back to her, when she crawled in behind me, wrapping her arms around me, pulling my body into hers.
Behind me, she nuzzled me, licked my neck, and pushed her muzzle into my head.
"Why... Why are you doing that."
"Kiss. A kiss."
She was only copying what she had seen Elves and humans do.
"Okay well stop it. I'll teach you the right way later. Okay."
"Okay." She said, behind me, wriggling a little to get closer to me.
You know- it didn't feel half bad, having such a warm, radiating creature behind me- and thinking of her warmth, her heat- I was glad her hands were nowhere near my crotch.
~
Asreel clanked the dishes in the sink so roughly, I thought they were going to break.
"It's stupid!" She said, holding the plate up to me.
"Look!" She said, pointing to caked on food.
"Use your claw." I said as she tried licking it off.
"No use fang, use claw. No lick. I never have this trouble!"
"That's because you don't use plates."
"I use hands!" She said, dropping a plate on the ground, as it shattered.
"Don't. Move." I said, wide eyed, holding a hand out to her.
"Moof?" She said, then stepped onto the broken plate, and cried out in a canine whimper.
Limping, she fell onto the bed. I grabbed a clean towel, and ran to her, looking at the white sliver in her toe.
"God damn it. I said not to move!"
This is why. This is why we didn't take them as mates.
She seemed to sense it, and her ears fell back- and some tears fell down her cheeks. Her lips were perfectly relaxed, in a solemn look I had not seen on her face.
"I, sorry." She said, softly, turning her face from me.
"No. It- It's okay." I said, pulling the shard from her foot as she winced.
I did what my mother used to do when I was wounded- and I pressed my lips to her foot, making sure she opened her eyes, and saw what I was doing.
"What, you doing."
"Kissing the owie.Makes it better."
She blinked.
"It does... Feel more better."
"Right?" I asked, smiling, and gave her foot another, gentle kiss.
"Stay here. Do not move."
"No moof."
She said, pulling her legs in on the bed.
I swept up the shards, glancing at Asreel, before making sure I got every last one.
"You safe me." She said, when I returned to her bed.
I no longer minded the smell- in fact, I couldn't even detect it- though I knew it was there.
On the bed, she lay on her back, her legs spread, her eyes, looking at me with that hunger that scared me as much as it aroused me.
"Butt."
Her word for sex.
I made love to her, on our bed, looking into her eyes, connecting with her- exploring the depth of her heart and soul.
Underneath me, she was laid bare, opened wide like a prey animal, for all to see- but her eyes only saw me.
Her face relaxed as her body began to grip me in an orgasm- and it was in that moment, with her grateful eyes- that I resolved to love her forever.
~
"Asreel..." She turned to look at me her ears flopping back when she saw the seriousness on my face.
"I'm gonna... I'm going to. Uh."
"What?"
"Bring you into town with me." I said with a sigh.
It could cost me nearly everything- but dammit- I was tired of hiding this woman I was falling deeper into love with with each passing day.
In a way I was terrified- and in another way, I wanted the world ot know about... US!
"You have to promise to be good."
"I- always good."
"You bite and drop plates."
"I NO TOUCH A PLATE! Stupid plate!"
"Okay, okay!" I said, calming her down with a grin and a gentle downward movement of my hands.
"What about that time you threw my dagger?"
"I no touch dagger."
"And no eating anything unless you ask, okay?"
She nodded, folding her arms, and looking away.
I sighed through my nose, knowing what I had to do next.
"I have to put a collar on you."
"Collah?"
"Like a.. .Bracelet for your neck." I said with a sigh.
"Why?"
"Because my people, are scared of you. And, they will think I have control of you if you wear a collar, and I have a leash attached to it."
"Stupid. You, control me? See?" She said, holding one of her powerful arms next to mine. My entire body was dwarfed by her.
"Stupid." She said under her breath- holding her hand out.
I handed her the collar from a dog I used to have, and she tried putting it around her neck.
"Ah, Fack! This stupid... Thing!"
"Wait, wait. Let me..." I said, fastening it, with enough room to breathe.
"I no like."
"I'm sorry." I said, resting a hand, gently, onto her shoulder.
"It's only for the introduction. Once they see you are a... Good girl, I am sure they will be fine seeing you with it off."
"I... Good girl?" She asked, her tail hitting the table and the chair.
"A VERY good girl." I said, bending down to kiss her on her nose, her eyes going cross eyes, watching my lips, touch hers.
"And after, maybe you can take a bath?"
"NO. NO BAFF. I DIE."
"I don't think... You'll die. I won't use soap- just water. You won't die if water touches you, will you?"
"Maybe." She said, indignantly, folding her arms, and turning away from me.
Deep down, I felt the collar looked good on her- before I realized she could sense nearly my every thought- or every thought- but she just chose not to acknowledge it.
I hooked a collar to it, and let it dangle by her side.
"I don't want to hold this, except in town." I said, turning to face her, and looking up at her.
"I am..." I said, blushing with a sigh- and tears welling up behind my eyes for some reason.
"I have been." I said, then looking up into her eyes.
"Haf been wha."
"Falling in love with you."
"In luf? What luf."
I chuckled, wiping the tears from my eyes.
When I opened them, her hand was waiting to gently touch my cheek.
"Why you cry. Hurt?"
I looked away.
"I don't know. Not hurt, no."
"You like me? like, luf? Butt?"
I chuckled, blowing my nose on a nearby coat.
"No, it's more than just 'butt'."
"Then. Wha."
"Have you ever... Liked a boy, uh, wolf monster?"
"Sometimes."
"To be with him, though. For life?"
"Only you." Inside my chest, my heart melted. She was intimidating, imposing, terrifying even- but in that moment, I had never felt more comfortable with another living thing in my life.
"I want to spend my life with you, Asreel."
"Spen. Life."
"Come on, you know what I mean. Butt! Every day! Till one of us..." I said, making an exaggerated death gesture.
"One of us, ughhh?"
"Dies."
She cocked her head.
"Only rabbits die. Wolf monstuh no die. Elf- no die."
"Honey- that's not true, we do die..." I said, the confusion in her eyes cutting me to the bone.
"just... Stay with me. Okay?"
"Foreffuh."
I chuckled, gently kissing her hand, and looking into her eyes.
"Foreffah." I said back.
"Come on."
I said, guiding her to her feet, and to the door.
"OH! LIKE A MATE!"
I felt a wave of relief wash through me, as I turned to look her into her eyes, and glad the journey into town was long enough that my eyes would go back no normal.
"You want me, mate?" She asked, her head cocking, now tears of her own, in her eyes.
"I want you, mate." I said, when she smiled, and fell into me, her weight nearly unbearable.
"I want you to be my mate, foreffuh."
~
Not a single eye turned from us, as I held her leash, trying not to project hate out of my eyes, over the indignity of it- while knowing, in my heart, before I met Asreel- that I would have felt the exact same way as they did.
Next to me, and a little behind, Asreel walked, nervously, her head darting this way and that, when I had had enough. I dropped her leash, and slowed down, placing my hand firmly on her back.
"Trust me. Okay?"
"I trus."
She said with a nod.
God, she was beautiful. Why was I not seeing this until now? Exotic, powerful- sexy, even.
Holy shit.
There was probably no hiding how I felt about her, now.
The moment her leash hit the ground, I heard a woman elf gasp.
"She's no threat, okay?"
"You can't be sure about that! They turn on you whenever they feel like it!"
"That's NOT true!" I exclaimed, when Asreel lifted her lips and growled at the man, who quickly backed into his shop, and shut and locked the door.
"Honey, no." I said, softly, reaching up and pushing her lips gently back down.
"No growling."
"Fff." She hissed softly through her lips.
"He make you mad. Make ME mad!"
"I know, baby." I said, caressing her back softly- something that always gave her the tired-eye.
I wanted to make love to her, to pull her into some alley, and ravage her body, right in the middle of town.
These new emotions, were a shock to me- but I was feeling them, with an intensity that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
She only looked forward, always watching, listening, smelling- for any danger to me.
for the first time in my life...
I felt safe.
I leaned my head on her shoulder, until Rufus, the magick school headmaster, popped out to see what the rucus was. Next to him was another dwarf, Marcus, who had told him I, Steven- had tamed a wolf monster, and brought it into town.
I sighed- expecting the worst.
"Guys, this is Asreel." I said, suddenly realizing she was completely naked- and you could see everything.
Sighing- assuming the trip was a failure- I resolved to take whatever blows came my way- unless they threatened her.
"Ass-reel?"
"AZreel."
She turned her large predators head to view the speaking elf.
Even in this highly stressed setting- her bright yellow eyes calmed me, and made my entire body relax. She looked at me.
"And- why do you bring- her- into town? To experiment on her with magic? Punishment somehow? What is your relationship with her."
"She is special. To me."
"How special?" A voice erupted, making the goosebumps erupt on my arms- and not in a good way.
"We have agreed to be mates." I said, my face going white, expecting the worst.
"Why not just leave her at hime? Why bring her into our midst, and endanger us? Have you considered, she has woven a spell of passion over you? I wouldn't be surprised if you took her home and we never saw you alive, again."
"Don't be so fucking ignorant! She is a person, just like you, and me!"
"Then why do her kind stay in the shadows?" Another townsperson- Mary- said.
"Maybe they aren't appreciative of being judged. They have a scent- and think a bath will kill them. They have sex at random times, with random people. They are literal killing machines- you equipped to handle them, if and when they want to come into town?"
"No." she said, turning away.
"THAT is why they stay in the shadows."
"They've killed our people, Steve you know that."
"And we've killed THEIRS!" I said, realizing Asreels lips were almost being pulled up again- which would do nothing to support my case that she was trustworthy.
I mean- except with plates.
"What do you want from us, Steve."
"When you see her- protect her. Do not hurt her."
"She needs no protection from us."
"As a favor to me!"
I said, with an exasperated sigh. I had anticipated this level of xenophobia- and understood it, even.
"Are we done here?" Rufus asked.
I nodded. "Yes. We're done. Come on Asreel." I said, gently touching her back.
"That's an abomination." someone whispered- but I ignored it.
I reached down and grabbed her supple ass, and looked behind me, grinning as Miley- known as the ultra- religious, condemner, scoffed at me.
Behind her, Asreel glanced at my hand on her butt, then at Miley, smiled, then wagged her tail.
~
"I'm sorry you had to go through that." I said, cooking my love and I dinner.
"Through wha. I only lifted lips."
"It was the spirit there. The atmosphere. One of condemnation, not acceptance."
"Pfff. Used to it."
"I bet." I said, softly, closing my eyes, imagining what she has been through.
"You know I love you, right?"
I said, turning to face her.
"Luf? Oh, mate! I mate you too!" She said, getting to her feet, and coming to hug me, in one of her powerful embraces, that made me feel smothered at first- but then, feeling so safe in her arms, that I was never the one to break the embrace.
"Ok?" she asked, when she had held me long enough.
"Little more."
"Ok." She said, sniffing, and licking my head.
After I made us dinner, I went to a secret hiding spot, and fetched my grandmothers ring.
She had given it to me, to place on the finger of the woman I loved- and was to marry.
Official marriage- I did not hope for it, though all of my hearted desired it with Asreel.
"Azzy?" I asked, approaching her, the soft leather bag in my hands.
"Will you marry me? I mean, be my mate."
"How many times must I say- before you beleef? I told you- yes. Do you beleef now?"
"No I- It's our tradition- I mean, fuck. Okay. You're right. It's just that- our ways are... A little different than yours are. Sorry."
"Be no sorry. Makes my heart, feel warm. Butt, too." I chuckled, pulling the ring carefully from the bag, and trying to size up her ring finger.
"Uh, so, this isn't going to fit your fingers. Any of them. Would you mind, wearing it around your neck?"
"Collah?"
"Yeah. I'll fasten it to there with some wire- and solder it together so it won't fall off. The ring is very special to me, but not as special as you are." She smiled- maybe not understanding everything, but feeling the spirit in my words- and my heart.
I did as I said I was going to do and fastened the ring to her collar.
"How do you like it?" I asked, as Asreel stared at the golden ring with the sparkling red jewel, dangling from the collar in a mirror.
"I luf it. I haf, idea." She said, padding on her feet, over to the least, and hooking it to the collar.
"Use this. Pull."
I cocked my head, as some of her mannerisms were rubbing off on me.
"Pull?" She grinned, shuckling, then walked to our bed.
"Pull."
"OH! During butt!" She nodded, grinning a very toothy grin, making me shiver.
After that lovemaking session, she never took her collar off again.
In fact, it made everything so much hotter- even the very special stuff we did later on.
Eventually the townsfolk grew used to Asreel- in fact, most of them ended up liking her quite a bit. Some, even hit on her when they had drank too much meade- but she stayed loyal to me.
"I HAF MATE!" She would growl, pointing to the ring and the collar.
Still some hated her- but they always would.
Eventually, I found a minister willing to marry us- and under a "Hallowed eve moon"- I married Asreel.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 4:59:18 GMT 9.5
There is, one more story, but it is more spiritual, and I do not feel like I am ready to write it, yet.
Anastasia and I, are in a ball room, dancing. I am a prince, and she, is my princess. She has gone through these other lives- but in this one, we hold off on the lovemaking.
Also- wow- more revelations are coming, as I accept more things- how "In my own head" i have been!
Overthinking- issues stemming from lack of adult maturity.
I don't think the human race is ever going to truly mature, until we evolve tests to see which OF US ARE ACTUALLY CHILDREN IN ADULT BODIES.
Also, to go on some of the weird shit I have been asked to do, i have been asked to love the child me- even in a sexual fashion, as "adults" fucking introduced me to SEX when I was a KID ANYWAY.
And that "little boy", needs a healthy introduction to right relationship with intimacy, sex, ETC!
How uncomfortable am I about that- QUITE
It's like being a pedophile- but one that actually cares, and for YOURSELF.
Talk about the dark corners of fucking psychology.
However, how many humans, if they had a spotlight shown on and in them, would realize they would benefit from the exact same work?
And, who knows precisely where the healthy line is? Where it turns UNHEALTHY
There is no manual or instructions for this shit.
Humans are still guessing and trying to figure it out.
And, to complicate it further, incest and pedophilia, were common and accepted, not long ago at all!
I read, there are STILL tribes of humans where, the older adults, "teach" the children, about how to love their bodies and love others. (sexually) I told you this is a dark area i am in.
I asked the universe, what was the answer to pedophiles, what was the cure for them... To help them understand why it is wrong to be sexual with minors. (To be MAPs!)
It returned a single word:
"Vulnerability."
I did not understand it until recently- and I am still confused as to where the "healthy" line is drawn.
All this makes me want to retreat from human society.
Humans are unbelievably ignorant- I have been wrong in assuming other humans, "had it together". Not true!!!
In fact it is a miracle we have come even this far.
Well, more things are falling into place. Things are becoming clearer.
I was able to, dial up some unconditional love for my parents, and brothers/etc, it made me ill, summoning it, and angry, partially- but I TRIED, and my mother returned it to me, but BARELY
Perhaps the small paternal echoes of right relationship with her son, except, I failed to fully give it, so maybe I failed to fully receive it.
I don't want to disappear to Alaska any more, but I do need to get away from humans to collect myself, as the things I am learning, are frightening.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 7:02:13 GMT 9.5
The reason why I am struggling with writing the story with Anastasia being my princess, or some half-wolf woman of honor, is because it takes place in a different realm. It takes place in a time, that even she struggles to see. (Because she has not been through enough yet. I have been balls to the wall pursuing her desperately- but she- just sits back and enjoys the attention- though a small part of her, is just as desirous of me, as I am of her.) Well, in going through these "Asks by God/ the universe, even the weird childhood shit, I was horny, and browsing E6AI.net which is an AI generated furry porn website- because why not, they have some good stuff there. I found this "artist" again: e6ai.net/posts?tags=ulfur5605His art is so realistic- I can define the individual personalities of the wolf-people Well, I started to see the smug gazes of wolf people who had victimized me, but I had repressed the memories. (They were too painful, because I simultaneously love them, and are bullied by them. On a side note, I was asked to give their ascended king, some mantle that belongs to me- I fought it for a while, but eventually gave it to him- only to find out a few days later, he no longer wants it! The wolves were shitty ot him, too, and as much as he loves/loved them, he's just done with them. I can pick up the mantle now, as he has rejected it.) Including... Anastasia. Her abuse was physical- and sexual- I don't think did anything to me physically, but, tormented me/the king by allowing other males to have sex with her in front of them, sort of like taunting them with the woman they love. I AM NOT CONDEMNING HER. Nor, do I condemn her- it just fucking hurts. These, ancient, unlocked memories- although I do not believe them fully- they do indeed resonate with past experiences. And, that these wolf people- are so proud, arrogant, and smug- maybe because of their reputation for being powerful and violent- and how they will readily, some of them (!!) victimize a helpless being- EVEN IF IT LOVES THEM. It lends to the idea that- just because a being is: Ancient From another realm An "alien" Is Ethereal Has been here longe than we have- DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE BETTER THAN WE ARE. It does not mean they are WISER THAN WE ARE. It does not mean they are more powerful than we are! In fact, I was told- to take authority over the fucking furry wolf people. For example, refuse to be a victim any more, refuse to allow myself to feel those things. If I am in an adverse situation, then be stoic about it- and lay-hold of my power and authority over them- which can be TERRIBLE for them. They might be, strong, and fast, with claws and teeth and cunning, but a being that can introduce a million pound per square inch air into their cells so their bodies explode, or cause a hole to open up under their feet and they fall into a bottomless pit (The one that circles the earth) is always a losing scenario. In fact, the ONLY way they have ANY power over me is IF I ALLOW IT. Or, I incarnate into a form that HAS FORGOTTEN IT- Which seems to me, to be the case, here. Why Why would I do this. It is possible, I was naive and pure, and thought- substituting my soul for the, "King of the wolves" was a great idea! Why would that be such a great idea, well, of course- because wolves are attractive to me, double attractive when human is added, they are kind, loyal, loving, selfless, compassionate, empathic, intelligent, and deeply spiritual. WHAT COULD GO WRONG It is possible my unintentional adverse conditioning by my parents was part of the insecurity needed TO LET THE WOLVES WALK ALL OVER ME. They aren't all bad- but the BAD ONES RULE THE TRIBE. They are the ALPHAS- ruling over the OMEGAS- who most often go along to get along- OF COURSE so they do not get KICKED OUT OF THE TRIBE. It's a regular, gang, clique, despotic tyrannical system- at its core. But if you are an outsider, looking in, they are warm, alluring, affectionate, attractive- when in reality, most of them are WILLING FUCKING VICTIMS. Jesus No wonder their former king is moving on. He still loves them- it is just possible this current generation is just too shitty of people for him to have anything to do with. Anastasia is part of that. She is ashamed of it- and feels bullied- but there is also a cruelty to her- but I knew this going in, you do not chew the intestines of a living thing if you have a choice unless you have a mean streak. In fact, it is her mean streak that gives me pause- and yet, I am still so bonded to her- I AM ONE WITH HER. Via the heart. She completes me- the former me would do nearly anything to get with her, the masn I am becoming, requires her to do some maturing, if she wants to be a part of me. This is why, many of the timeliness I see with her- SHE IS NO LONGER WITH THE TRIBE. How do you fix this- the ones that want to leave: should seek lives elsewhere. The ones that have read my other thread know how passionately I argued AGAINST THIS in the other thread- when the king was still attached to my soul. Now, I am starting to see- the ones who want to leave, are the new righteous wolves. Given enough time, the tribe will devolve, collapse, and turn into something that more externally resembles what it is internally: An adverse tyrannical, xenophobic dynamic that very few want to be a part of, aside from those genetically predisposed to being comfortable being a victim. Wow. I do not judge them- I fucking get it, I am part wolf, I have worked with feral wolves (Ironically, few of them have. How can you know yourselves, if you do not know your other half??? You all are acting like shitty humans. Go get to know a four footed wolf! Maybe there is hope for you.) and I know how they work, how they think, I am literally connected to the spirit of the wolf- who accepts me. Well, uncovering more bullshit.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 7:47:14 GMT 9.5
No, no, and no, I am not decrying Anastasia, or talking negatively about her, or giving up on her- in a way a part of me will likely always wait for her, if our paths divert from one another, but she ends up wanting to be with a guy like I am becoming.
I am still going to write the story with Matured Anastasia, and my me guy.
I am in no way out of love with her- if anything I am MORE in love with her, because I see the TRUTH of her.
Before, I was assuming much- but only, "Deep down", was I aware of these things that I am finally being able to accept about my situation in this incarnation, and the others.
Further, I have not read about the Sumerian goddess Inanna, someone spoke of her, going "Into layers of the earth" into terrible places, where she had to fight to ascend, she being on a "meathook" but alive does indeed describe some of the inner earth societies.
It feels eerily in parallel with the things my other clones/ emotional bodies have fallen victim to, in the inner earth.
I feel those things, in my living body... That is why this has been so difficult, stressful, and torturous. And why I am trying to make it to a better place.
The WOLVES are responsible for much of it
They know EXACTLY what I am going through- and they simply do not care- the head ones, anyway.
In fact this is their plan, to dispose of their king (Congratulations guys, you did it) as well as myself- it is becoming clearer now- they view me as competition because of my authority, and the fact that I refuse to be a part of their clique- so they are hoping they destroy me before I can get to them (or something.)
Anastasia, while she had her hand, in some of this- or even much of it, she is also a form of victim in it.
I don't make excuses for her, but I do understand where she is at within the tribe.
In a way, focusing on a better timeline for her, is my highest form of love for her- and it was not easy, I had to push- but maybe this is what Paul means when I am a drag on her.
She alternates between being extreme negative, and positive with me at times, and I sense within her heart- she would enjoy me as her SO. To me, it would be awesome to be with a woman who is, part wolf, as beautiful as she, who shares a heart with me, and who matches me.
I think the issue is, i am moving to higher versions of myself- and she is struggling to do so.
Of interest:
When I was working with, the version of Anastasia, who was with the version of me with the Jeep, I looked deep within her, and she spoke to me:
"My name is Ladywolf."
So, there was a version of Ladywolf (The first wolf girl I saw in the vision in 20201) within that Anastasia, who lived in those hills.
Ladywolf, did come to me spiritually, before I gave her the option to close the connection with me- which she took- and she cuddled with me. It was not sexual, we did not have sex (in the spirit, as I did before.), I merely held her, and loved her from my Being.
All this wolf drama.
And I am choosing myself. The wolves threatened me, saying if I do not tow the line and submit to them, they are going to depart from me- Fine, I told them- I need to find myself, love myself- it is not worth it to continue to sacrifice MYSELF just to be in your (good) graces (Which are NOT so good!)
To be clear, I want nothing adverse happening to/for the tribe of Wolfen peoples, I love them as their king once did, it's like finding out your son is in the mafia, thinking "wow that's fucked up." but you still love them.
There are only a very few Wolfen peoples, who are enemies of mine, in the darkest, black hearted sense, and hate me for what I am.
So, I continue to find myself
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 16, 2024 8:39:19 GMT 9.5
I'm not able to do the self love thing for my inner child. I have NEVER confronted this. It was buried under, some sort of anti pedophilic dynamic of, "You do not do that! You have to be 18!"
Plus, the stigma I felt, against people who harmed children, being a victim of it- and wanting them killed just as bad as anyone else.
This society is sick, but it's the sick people who are telling us we are fucked up.
Another revelation I just had:
I see *everything* I have ever done was based on a foundation of, putting OTHERS FIRST and NOT MYSELF.
This is why I am in so much trouble, spiritually.
I put myself LAST.
This is why, they are finding out, people die of cancer. I knew this, shallowly- but it just hit me, deeply.
I am curious, to see where this leads.
In, that, where will I be in six months from now.
A year?
Three years...
Ten.
What will my beliefs be, then.
All I can say is, the more I surrender, and pursue myself (as Paul says) and love myself, that my entire life gets better- past, present, and future.
I vacillate, yes- back and forth, confusion:order hopelessness:hope non direction:goal
It seems as if, one must first, travel backwards, in order to disconnect the hooks preventing you from moving forwards.
Especially if one is not aware of the hooks being there in the first place.
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Post by paul on Mar 16, 2024 10:17:19 GMT 9.5
Good!
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