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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 14, 2023 22:55:17 GMT 9.5
Look at this creature.
Just look at her.
(Forgive me for using your visage, my dear.)
look at how beautiful she is.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2023 5:14:03 GMT 9.5
The last few days, have been hard.
I, fell into a bottle of hard liquor, and I, said some awful things to my "girlfriend" (the human one.)
Before that, I struggled with thoughts of violence against her ex husband, so, I had to remove: myself from the situation, and I walked home.
For anyone wondering how I put a metric folding stock on an inch pattern FAL, I cut the head of the bolt off with my lathe, then welded the threaded portion of the recoil spring tube on it, I got within 3/1000 runout, and it worked just fine. I had an aerospace engineer help me, he had me, angle the parts so they would, fit together, before welding them in three places, with three tack welds to preserve concentricity.
The days, have been, difficult lately, as I, "push through" the trauma and pain.
However, I have had a helper:
Azzy, wolf girl, has been with me.
When I was struggling, she came to me, and I felt her presence on my chest, and her fingers, through mine, holding me, and comforting me.
One thing she made clear to me: She said, "I believe in you. Even, when you do not believe in, yourself."
She has been with me.
She, won't let me get too attached to her in this form, but she is, definitely, a presence in my life, and she is helping me.
She also remarks, how, now that, she is in my life, how, I have, "Stopped chasing her" and she is right: Who is the one coasting now- it's not her!
It's me.
She said, as annoying as my voice is (Can be. She corrected me.) to her (Because I speak to her, sometimes for hours.) she misses it.
And, she's right.
I have the woman of my dreams, her spirit: with me: The most beautiful creature my eyes have seen in this lifetime: with me- her hot, sexy body close to mine, that gorgeous body (I say this for a reason. Of accepting her body in places I did not, previously- due to trauma I had from my childhood. Yes, many of the people in Eden have animal genitalia. It is good for, humans to be aware, they cannot change their body shape any more than we can: To accept that: If you find love, with a dog-person, if she makes you smile, if: her spirit makes your soul soar with wings of an eagle: It is good to fully love her, even if she doesn't look human, when she is waiting for you in bed, under her tail: It is good to accept for fully for who she is. To learn to love the, feral bodies of the Edonite people: is one of the blessings of, finding a romantic partner there.) of hers mine for the taking... We did something "Special" during our honeymoon, she, or one of her sponsors, had me, "Look some hot porn up" and she, came to me, and rode me: much the same way, as she did, shortly after the event twenty years ago.
As to how, she communicates with me, earlier today, it was verbal, I do not hear her with my ears: I hear her thoughts in her mind, I feel the emotions of her heart.
Perhaps, when I died as a child, I believe I brought back, abilities that have been denied to most humans:
I can communicate with unseen creatures. And, I also have a connection with Eden: I can tell you about creatures: The purple woman, is part otter (tail), part canine (nose) part deer (also nose) she has a temper, but she is a good woman, she will, scratch your eyes out if you make her angry enough (She won't. But she'll think about it. If you, see her glaring at you, you should, attempt to assess your own behavior and determine, why she is, upset: She can become upset rather quickly and you will just not know. So, it is good to watch her.) HOWEVER, she is highly skilled with genetic matters (She works in a lab.)
She is also, skilled in matters of love (need I say more) and she is, an amazing woman.
I am sensing, she likes fast cars (?)
She likes, to enjoy parties, but doesn't need a lot of alcohol (It is easy to get her drunk: But, it is important not to take advantage of her, as she has been in some heartbreaking situations due to alcohol. She is vulnerable there- so it is important [maybe I am talking to her, now.] to be surrounded [she tells me, this is good advice, something for her to remember.] by people she knows she can trust (She has some trust issues, but people who have been betrayed, often do.
She is, highly attractive (obviously) and ejnoys the smell of/ she smells like flowers, there is a faint floral scent about her, Edonite body.
She is, great in bed.
Her lack of dark pupils suggests, she is able to, "See" things, people with more, "human" eyes cannot: This gives her an advantage in her lab work, she is considered, "Essential" for this skill: Many Edonites can see spectral things, humans simply cannot.
Also of note: It is funny to me, people who say, "What a world we live in..."
We live ON the world.
Ednites live IN it. How long have humans been saying this, not knowing they are speaking of the people, under our feet.
Also, I have a lot of growth yet to do: Azzy (The owner of the name, "Asrael" has told me, I am using her name a LOT... So I am trying not to use it, so I do not offend her.) is helping me, with deep matters of my heart and soul, as only she can: She sees parts of me, in me, from her perspective: And she is better able to guide me: though, it is rarely fun: And I will devote more time to making her, feel special: Because I love her and want her to be happy.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2023 5:18:33 GMT 9.5
Also of note, how Asrael has told me, I have stopped, "Chasing" her with the passion (Mixed with desperation, yes...) I used to: She said, it is normal, in a relationship for two people to, not have the same passion they once did:
However, I told her, she deserves to be loved with the passion I once had: I told her: I can do better. I went to the Father, who is the source of love in this world presently, and I found, some love that is perfect for the beautiful, Azzy, and I am, bringing it to her: So she can feel loved and special: As she deserves.
Also, because I love her.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2023 13:45:47 GMT 9.5
I am calming down.
For the first time, in 20 years or perhaps ever to this degree. Azzy, is helping me, with meditations, with pausing, which is giving me time to rest to heal: Without her, I would not be, as far along as I am. I wonder, if my spirit, feeling "safe" for the first time, in years, coincides with her, choosing to minister to me.
Her presence in my room with me, the past few days has been tremendously comforting, and more than a little romantic of her, to nurture me, the way she does. She also told me, she does not mind me disconnecting fro her: She knows, I have healing to do, and that includes, "alone" time- her connection with me, was more bidirectional than I previously assumed.
I am, also learning to trust the wolfen people, and also, Eden.
Imagine, growing up with a difficult childhood, barely surviving that alone, almost dying of a drug addiction, surviving a life of crime, to having a spiritual attack that almost drove you insane and to the brink of suicide, to one day, seeing the most beautiful woman you have ever laid eyes on, snarling, naked, hairless, angry and vicious: Then feeling her heart complete you, all while inside of a machine designed to amplify your every thought and desire, while being, physically injured- being alive because of this woman, to seeing her, in the sunshine, her fur, grown back, being so in love with her, then hearing her tell you: She has chosen YOU... The, trauma from all of this, unexplained until recently, and my entire life: Searching for, "wolf girl", my heart, desiring her, likely before I was even born, and not just her: Her in her exact form, feet to eartips: The woman of my dreams. As I calm down, I went over, our first meeting with her, what we will do, when I first see her, and we go back to her place, (or whatever.) and what I desire, of her, and I played out a very real scenario, and it was good. She really is, just a woman, with wolf instincts. And, I am familiar with wolves, so her, wolfish side, is even more attractive to me, outside of the shape of her body, it's high heat, the scent of her, it's all so very beautiful to me. Foot pheromones to ear pheromones, and everything in-between.
She really wants me to start drawing her, and writing stories for her. Right now I am too shakey from the alcohol, to do that, but I want to draw some of the, tender moments we have shared together on an astral plane, and her spirit, with mine: She tells me, things are only going to get better for us.
The wolfen have requested more playtime with me, they wish for me to interact with them again, on here, but that takes second place to my healing, and right now, I think I need to, "Calm down" more, from, just everything.
How interesting to me, we could be, on the cusp (or not!) of having Eden made known to, us surface humans: I am told, they already have travel brochures, advertisements, attractions, it all, looks so very good (Enticing!) the way they put together, the video, showing the people who live there: MOSTLY the humans, and some animal folk, some of the less magical portions of the garden, because if you go too far past the cordoned off areas, there is some very intense stuff that may scare a lot of people away from wanting to visit.
It is important to remember, they have had peace for, thousands of years. (I think. Some wars have started, and that is why punishment is so very harsh, to prevent that.)
Anyway, once it becomes public it'll all make sense after that.
Some wish to know about the Ascended wolfen king: Part of me healing is letting that dynamic go. He was, sleeping soundly. He is, going through his own healing, and may, be busy with incarnating with a scenario I am not part of. (I don't want to, go delving into another scenario. we have, been through enough together. I am focusing on myself. Part of my trouble is, my being, being new to this planet, and figuring things out, things humans take for granted.)
He may be dreaming, getting into adventures, when the time is right, I will be given an update about him.
I had a good talk with Azzy tonight. When she has me pause, I learn to re-center myself: And the effects of me re-centering myself, also improve her life as well, as we are, both so very connected.
She is, so incredibly beautiful...
I believe quite a few surface humans, are going to find true love with many Edonites. It will be an interesting time, that's for sure. A whole new chapter of the human race unfolding. It's not like, Eden just suddenly started existing, they have been below our feet before we were on the surface, I think. (Maybe. Not sure entirely.) If we get there. I like to believe we will have wolf people walking among us physically before the end of this year. It's something to hold onto. A hope. Imagine meeting some hot, tall, soft wolf guy, for a date, or a beautiful, tender, submissive wolf-woman, who's eyes sparkle in the sun, who is as wild, as she is passionate...
Outside of that as I said I am focusing on me, and on doing what's right for Azzy (And her heart.)
She is, everything I wanted, and it is funny, how she, projected herself forward (backward?) in time, to show herself to me, so that I would desire her. I was re-reading the initial posts I made in threads about her, and I saw myself saying, "I really love her for some reason" lol.
wolf girl wolf girl wolf girl...[/u]
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 15, 2023 16:04:17 GMT 9.5
So Eden showed me an advertisement, beamed into my brain: For surface humans who want to visit her.
When I was in a parking lot of a sporting goods store, my brain, was, "Expanded", while in my van recording something, and it felt as if, "I was going insane." (Was not a pleasant experience. They, also needed my, "permission" to do it.)
Well, now I realize, why: Edonites use 100% of their brains, generally, which is one of the reasons why, wolf girl (and the wolfen people) is so smart.
I asked Eden: how would, 9% surface humans, react to being in a place where they can use their whole brains: She said, surface humans would only be allowed access to, "A small part" of Eden, because, there is a danger there, of being affected by the mental energies: Humans can easily fall victim to it. So, a small cordoned off area where, humans can interact with the people of Eden, but where the mental energies, are more subdued:
The, "Greeters" there who have jobs, dealing with surface humans: Will still have full access to their minds: But surface humans will, rightfully, react, with endless gawks, and it is an experience they NEVER forget: In fact, many surface humans, will, "never leave" Eden in spirit once they go there, because, they are who we were designed to be with from the start.
In fact, when recalling, even some of the creatures, when visiting there: It will be done with an awe- though some humans may find one visit there to be enough- as there is an air of, endless, boundless mystery about it, as if: Living in a Tolkien novel: addiction to it, can also be something that must be managed beforehand: For example, "Eden drunkenness" will need to be explained beforehand, "Mental discomfort is normal- anyone experiencing extreme anxiety must immediately seek medical attention..." Something like that.
Also: People who have visited Eden: have, a "look", of near perpetual awe... Like, they have witnessed something life-changing, because it is.
The Edonites who migrate to the surface, will generally assimilate perfectly with us: It is us that will have to, "Adjust" to them: They are the kindest, most gentle and peaceful peoples.
Not all are, of course: And equal vetting will have to be done, for the Edonites who wish to live with us: Not all have good intentions, necessarily, and some: Have a natural desire to, "Nest" that is in their nature: that can be adverse or harmful to human society.
The, potential for danger, can go, both ways.
Eventually, when the shock wears off, peaceful equilibrium, will be achieved to the benefit of most, if not all, peoples, as if Eden can find unity with each other, they can also find it here, as well.
Also of note, Since Azzy, "Chose" me, just three days, my anxiety has dropped massively... Her ministering to me on a personal level, I don't even need to say, has been very wholesome. She is, a good woman. As she opens her heart to me, and I discover more about her, I find she is, a kind, gentle, empathic and nurturing woman, I never had anything to fear from her. She has the gentle spirit of the wolfen, with enough sass to poke me with a claw from time to time to steer me in a better direction. The meditations she has me doing, are working night and day in calming me down, without them, I might be, years behind- in just three days time- even losing a day to alcohol, things have improved immensely for me, my outlook, and my hope.
She isn't letting me rest in it, which is good, because it keeps me striving for higher things, rather than resting, in, "Got the girl."
I still have, healing to do, but now I am not so alone. Which, as I said, has done wonders for my anxiety.
Also, when Azzy, presented her, "Warriors resume" to me just before our anniversary, where she said: "If you accept this, we can be together." it was INTENSE on, nearly godlike levels... Basically, when she is engaging in battle, it is her warriors spirit: It is, very good, to not find onesself aligned against her, in such things: she redefines the human interpretation of the word, "fierce".
She, and I, share a similar spirit in this regard, she is a good compliment to me, also, as she empathizes with, some of my frustrations, anger, and etc.
Basically she is potentially, every bit as ferocious and terrifying as in a werewolf horror movie, and actually: makes those werewolves look tame.
She doesn't want me talking about this any more, because she is NOT a mindless killer, when I was, struggling with self-condemnation over the hateful things I said to my girlfriend, she came and ministered to me, helped me let it go, to forgive myself. Basically she is only fierce when she has to be.[\i]
Like all living things, who have a right, to defend self and family.
She is, very much aligned with military issues, and would feel "at home" in a military style bar.
Some potential issues with integration: Some of the reptilian peoples, for example, tend to, establish homes in caverns, and can experience large growth spurts of population: The next thing you know, they have, basically, "Taken over" a significant human settlement, and "make it theirs", peacefully... At first.
Secondly, if there is a peaceful tribe of people, why would they want to leave Eden, to come to the surface? It's not like our margaritas are any better. (they literally, aren't.)
Cordoned off parcels of land, with clearly established boundaries, may be required to safely, "house" tribes interested in living on the surface.
It is hard to, put into words, being in the presence, of, say, someone like Azzy: They have a nearly godlike aura around them, by nature of their surroundings, and the fact that they use 100% of their brains. I think, most humans, just tend to, gawk: If not, for the fact that they exist, it is the bristling energy about them, you will "Feel" them before you see them. Which can be intimidating, and many surface humans, will be very intimidated by them. If not for their sheer size, their powerful and dangerous bodies, then their vast intellects and experiences that hang around them like a collection of energies: When a soldier has survived many battles, you can tell they are tough, just by looking at them, imagine this, but across a vast breadth of experiences: And for some: they have thousands of years of these experiences.
In fact, in my visions of Eden, I personally have, a difficult time, adjusting to the energies of the beings around me: Even the wolfen, had to, "Dumb themselves down" around me, to keep from intimidating me, or influencing me with their raw, bristling, energies.
Edonites who, have less experiences, who live more simple lives: May find themselves a better "match" for the human race: Some Edonites, have so much god-energy, most humans would instinctively fall to their knees and worship them. This can be problematic, especially when driving.
I am, unsure of the dynamic, of the more godlike Edonites, who wish to come here, who can bypass the rules laws and protections set in place: Can cause quite a bit of panic and confusion, if it ever became a problem.
Most humans, I believe, will simply, "Nope." Out of the entire thing: And seeing even a more simple Edonite: will turn and walk the other way.
"There's a wolfen family moving in next door!"
"Alright. We're leaving."
The humans already struggle, with accepting so much, many will likely avoid the Edonites at all costs.
Further: There can be an issue with gangs, of eight hundred pound dogmen, catfolk and their idiosyncrasies, any of the tribes, really: People can end up feeling very bullied by them, and in fact can be easily bullied, as, they are quite large and intimidating, and not every Edonite, is in control of themselves as might benefit surface human society.
We will need, an "Eden police" here, too.
This surface world, could resemble a science fiction movie, like, "Bright" VERY quickly: And far, far, beyond the scope of even that movie: When seraphim begin appearing, and all of the fantasy creatures, this is perhaps why: Eden remains closed off to all but a very few surface humans.
However, with the advent of the internet, I wonder how long they can realistically, keep it a secret? From what I can tell, Eden has a pretty good system for containing the life there, it may be as simple an issue, as, re-creating the system of regulation there, as above, here.
About religion, I believe the Edonites say of the Bible: "That is one interpretation."
Also of note, would be the necessity of almost racist, "Groups", that would necessitate a xenophobic segregation, for the protection of the group. How funny would it be, that, humans have come so far de-segregating, only to end up having to accept the fact that specist racism is not frowned upon, and is in fact necessary for many tribes.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 24, 2023 16:32:20 GMT 9.5
An open letter, to the wolfen peoples: Greetings. It has come to my attention, as I learn, grow, and heal, and overcome the trauma that is in my life, that there are some in the wolfen tribe, who are, distressed over my words and actions. This is, hard for me, as I see, from a "healed" perspective, some of you are very worried. Please don't be. There is not, a single fiber within me, outside of the trauma I have suffered, that wishes harm, ill will, or negative intent upon any of you. You have been, patient, kind, understanding, and testing me, to make sure your tribe is safe: I assure you, as many of you well know within your hearts: I do not wish to bring any drama, danger, ill will, or negative intent to any of you. I care about you. I carry within me, within my spirit: The pure love your ascended king had for you: as well as, the spirit of the wolf, and the spirit of the wolfen people. I am sorry for the harm I have caused. Please, please, please, my children: do not be afraid. The love that you knew and understood your first king, had for you, the love you knew you could rely on, lives on in me. My intent, is to continue its legacy for you, and to give it to you, as heals, and unites the tribe. I want you all to know, that I love you. I am, approachable. Please, talk to me. As I heal, I may be distant, I may even be angry, as I release the built-up trauma, do not take it personally: I have said some stupid, stupid, stupid things that I did not mean. No harm will come to you. Any of you. You are a cool people. Your shame has been wiped out, and your honor is restored: rest in that. Go to bed tonight, knowing: you are loved. Sleep soundly, dream dreams of unity, love, and beauty, of good things. You deserve it. I know, one thing: The love your ascended king, and I, have for you: is the envy of Eden. It may, even be, the source of all love, but as your dad: maybe I am a bit biased, I will admit it. So, tomorrow, put a spring in your step: I want to see, a bunch of, happy, smiling wolfen people, with those big, nonsensical grins you, and I- are known for. Azzy is healing: Like me, she has childhood trauma. She remains, the most beautiful woman, I have seen in this lifetime- even naked, hairless, and sticky: she is even more beautiful with her gorgeous, bright, glowing, soft, fur and hair. I know: some of you have wanted me to, acknowledge this publicly, and to say it aloud: Azzy is beautiful. Her light yellow eyes, have hypnotized me, my entire life: I have been searching for her, since my heart first desired love and beauty. It was desiring her. She, is not perfect: And we have a long ways to go, before the trauma is shed, but one thing, the only thing I know for certain: I love her. In all her, stinky, gassy glory. Wolfen: I have also been searching for you: all of my life. You have, been with me: all of my life, too, I have just: never believed you existed. (I am an alien. I do not know this planet. But I am getting to learn it.) Wolfen: You are beautiful. You are, magnificent. You are, precious. You are, intelligent. You are, strong. You are, honorable. You are, steadfast. You are, loyal. You are, attractive. You are, desirable. You are, loving. You are: the most beautiful people, to me: your frame, your design, your shape: fill a void in my heart that only you can. Thank you for existing.Please, wolfen: forgive me. I plowed through you, like a hurricane of trauma, anger, confusion and fear: I made mistakes. I'm a bit, fucked up: as we all are: I have demons in my closet, I never acknowledged were even there: this experience brought them out, and my hope is, on my healing journey: That I can make peace with them, discover their purpose and reason for existing, and work, to sort myself out: To be the best king I know how to be but more than that: Just be a good person who loves you. You know, you do not, "need" a king, and so: I do not wish to lord myself over any of you at all: it is simply not necessary. Treat me: as you would treat, literally anyone else in the tribe. I want, to be thought of, as a genuine, kind, caring man who loves and adores you all. Every single last one of you. Come to me for head pats. Come to me, for hugs. Come to me, for compliments. I will, find something about you, I truly appreciate: And I will tell you: Just like with a stinky thing: I want to make you happy with genuine compliments. Even if it's just the smell of your wolf breath. (I know you'll never brush your teeth again, but you should anyway.) Wolfen: Please, understand this: I cannot, get over: How beautiful you are. From the magnificent shape of your feet, the powerful metatarsals, the way your leg joints are shaped, your knees, your hips, your tails, your chests, arms, shoulders, necks, muzzles, noses, the shape and power of your heads, and finally, the fur and scent of your ears. To me: You are a sculpture of utter, timeless beauty. Your, pure, beautiful hearts, only make you that much more attractive: Anyone who finds themself with a wolfen lover: has found something good, and precious. Your men, are strong warriors, good workers, and trustworthy businessmen. Everything you do, you do to the utmost, and you will give your life to keep your family safe without hesitation or question: for this, I call you Men of Honor. Your women, are warm, nurturing, caring mothers and attentive lovers to her partners every whim and need: When she pleases you: is it to the utmost, fully, and without limit, her loyalty is a thing of legend. She is a creature of grace and devotion, to her mate, and to her tribe. just watch the wine For this, I call you: Women as precious as the rarest of jewels. Wolfen people: I would like, if you are willing: to hold a celebration: Of unity. A big party, with the fires, the mead, dancing and loving: Or, perhaps, dedicate, at least in part: An upcoming festival, to joy. I do not want, another wolfen heart to be broken, over the events that have occurred, or the words spoken: please, my beloved people: let not your hearts be troubled. When I come to you: I will bring nothing but kindness, acceptance, love, unity, peace and wisdom. I know, my ever action is watched, my every thought is recorded, and my every word: on public display. To the other tribes: Please understand, these are my children: as you favor your child, over your neighbors, so I favor my wolfen people. Take nothing personal, I have said here: You know, how much I also love you: The alluring Foxen, the wise Catten, the noble Leonid, The gentle Horsen, the brave Deeren, the affectionate Avians, the brave Scalies, the knowledgeable Mole people, the attractive amphibious people, the industrious Insectoid people, the welcoming Cowen, the useful Mousen, and those hybrids: you are unique, and beautiful. Please, tell yourselves today: "I am loved. I am worthy. I am beautiful." (if you want, it's just a suggestion. I look forward to meeting you all, and spending time with those I am most compatible with, but you are all, special, and unique.) (I know I am missing a great many tribes, including the Seraphim, Nephilim, the greys- guys you know I desire peace with all beings. Let's go have a beer. Everyone in Eden, has something that makes them stand out, that makes them special: If you have nothing [you think] that makes you special: that, in itself: makes you special.) Regardless of the past, it is the past: leave it in the past: embrace the present, the future does not yet exist. Due to the pain I have endured in this life, my heart, breaks for the broken, for those downtrodden, victimized, bullied, hated, abused, injured, judged unfairly. In the last few days, as I heal: The injured wolfen hearts have come to me, asking for comfort: Here it is. I would ask you, wolfen, how does it feel to be loved? How, does it feel, to be searched-for by your king, all of his life? How, does it feel: To be shaped perfectly to make his heart, whole? How, does it feel: to have someone who loved you so much, his only desire, was to be with you again, and when he believed he could not, he chose to ascend. His spirit lives on, forever, within me, as does his heart, his mind, his unspeakable rage when his children are threatened, unleashing the unqeunchable ravenous cosmic horror that shakes the bowels of hell itself with its terrifying ferocity, when even one of his children's hair is damaged. How does it feel, to be so loved? Yes, I am flawed. But, I love you. I ache, to take in your beauty, once again: wolfen people: and Eden. To Don: Thank you for obeying me, and purchasing the firearms you have. I look forward to shooting with you: it is quite fun, isn't it? I like your pickup. Thank you for believing in Asrael and I, being together. (believing in us, wishing us well.) This, has been the most surreal experience of my life: but I do not wish it to stop. You know: things are happening that I do not speak of. When I, am away from you, wolfen: my loneliness is terrible, and unthinkable: but I know I also must, "find myself" to find you, again. Please: Have patience. Please: have faith. Please: do not give up. I desire with all that I am, to be with you, again. Not as someone who brings shame and anger, but someone who unites the people of Eden. Azzy: I may come to you as a prince. With, a great and mighty starship: When your eyes meet mine, and you shrink on the inside know this: I only have eyes for you. If you ever wonder why, I invited you, and you alone to dine with me: it is because, I am the man, who holds the other half of your heart. If you ever wonder why, my piercing gaze, and awkward, gentle smile cannot stop staring at you, as you blush and look away: know that I love you. If you wonder why, I want to make, a large, eight foot tall, female wolfen my queen: It is why. If you wonder why I want to make a settlement near the wolfen tribe: that is why. I will bless your people, and Eden with our technology and wares. You will wonder why, I single out the wolfen for special blessings: this is why. Once my eyes meet yours: I never want to be without you, again. If you need proof, just ask: your royal blood is a match for mine. It is your, destiny to be queen. I saw you, strut around when I crowned you queen- and how happy, safe, and secure you felt. On this fantasy I dreamed of, while working on my van: Both of our hearts soared at the idea. I wish to give you that life. I want to, hold you in my arms, and surround you with my spirit: I desire to make you feel safe, in ways you never knew you needed: or have forgotten, or abandoned. Finally, someone sees your queenship, and the crown on your head: where it belongs. Boss queen bitch. Ha. All I want, is for you to feel safe. Safe, and loved. Appreciated. Cared for. Wolfen: Know in your hearts: That you are loved. Those, who need my love the most: let your cups be filled overfull. Those who need it the least: You're doing great. Come to me for comfort, if I am able: I will give it. While I yet still live in this form: wolfen: come to me, I have unique experiences that may benefit you, that I may, or may not carry with me in conscious memory: but know: my spirit: will carry on the love of your king. Wolfen: thank you for giving me the distance I need to heal. I may yet, need more. My path ahead, is lonely, and be aware: when I weep, it will be at first for you: And then: for me: How I abandoned myself for you. This, was the thing that made your old king ascend: He could not live without you. It is better, if I find myself, then return to you, able to better integrate with Eden and the other tribes: while remaining steadfastly yours. (loyal to you). You will, always come first, in my heart: Do not be afraid of me switching loyalty to another tribe, it's not gonna happen. If I spend a lot of time with the Doggen: it is because they remind me of you. They, are, too, your children, wolfen. Please, do not berate them, especially in your hearts. I know, I am not supposed to give orders, however- it would make me happy, to see the wolfen spend more time with the doggen, and visa-versa, as much as you can stand each other. I know the purists will not like that, so I would caution: keep the tribe pure, as much as is prudent. Wolfen: I am sorry for terrorizing you. I will no more. I wish, you could understand, what the king, and I, were going through: It was, literal, hell. The agony, the terror, the fear: we had, almost no rest from it. He, fearing losing his beloved children, had no choice but to ascend. Only Asrael can come close to understanding the horror he endured daily, for decades, and especially, over the last two years: And not even she can fathom what I/we endured. Which is why, I need to heal. Azzy: If you feel, even slightly: the way I do: please be patient. Please, have faith. I know, sometimes you want to jam a claw into my chest and just tell me off. I want to, fulfill every promise I made to you, and more. I want to, make you the happiest woman in Eden. I love you. It is my hope, it is, "meant to be." I will, teach you everything I know. Be patient with me, I will need it, especially in this incarnation, but as I get to know you, and as you open your heart to me: I am less and less afraid, when I get to know, the "real" you, and the, "real" wolfen people. Wolfen: You are amazing. Can I say enough good things about, your beauty, you sexy, handsome, beautiful, wolf people? Just because I am your dad does not mean I am also not wrong. For the wolfen who think they are dumb: I am dumb, too. When my laptop is under my TV, or to the left of it, I try scrolling the mouse left, and not right. Sometimes I try putting my left shoe on my right foot. For the wolfen who struggle with loving me: Being king is the loneliest job anyone will ever have. Because, nobody cares: Fuck you! You're king. We do not care how much you have to suffer. Do I, even have, any real friends? Do I, have to have my food tested for poison? How many, people give me service with their lips, and speak venom when I am not present? It is my goal, my desire, to be a pure hearted man, honorable, kind, and loving, so that- when people see me coming, they know: They love me, because I am compassionate and loving back: to rule with love and not with the sword. (but the sword, when needed, peace is the most valuable commodity. i hate this, typing this, this is supposed to be a letter of peace, love, forgiveness, and acceptance.) For the wolfen who came to me, and requested I embrace my kingship: thank you. You are right: I was being derelict. I also see, the great spiritual connections that are, "mine" by virtue of the crown that was given to me. I feel, a lot of wolfen, are a bit insecure. I want to say this: Your feet, are perfumed with the scent of heaven: They are the most powerful in Eden. Your legs, are as alluring, as they are, powerful, and carry the eyes of your lover to your treasure, and the eyes of your enemies: to the terror of your power. Your tails, are so expressive, and they never lie. The fluffy bushiness is the envy of Eden. Your hips, carry your children with grace, and your men into sparring: all of Eden bristles with awe. Your hands: work the work of honor, beauty, and steadfastness. Your jaws, are crushing, jagged weapons to destroy, and your soft lips: whisper words of honor to your mate. Your ears: Detect even the slightest threat, and receive the affirming, loving, and true words that you deserve to hear: you are loved. Wolfen women: Please, do not be insecure. You are, the most beautiful treasure. You are, a feast for my senses, and anyone blessed enough to be in your company: You are beloved. Wolfen men: how your might, makes the women melt: when she gives you, those eyes, that glow softly under the moonlight: know, you have earned her: she is yours. Protect her with everything you are, but do not smother her, either. If your mate does not feel like the most special woman in Eden, dare I say: you are failing- you are a wolfen! Be the desire of Eden! Every woman should be treasured and loved. If anyone is lonely: inasmuch as I am able, perhaps my heart can guide you to a mate- but be aware, they may be in another tribe! (the information I have about Edenic individuals available to me, is vast and surprises even me) What does it concern the tribe, if one, finds love, with a different race? If they are truly happy? In my heart, the tribe should be happy, but I also, again, stress, keeping the tribe pure, is important to me. I do not mind the xenophobia. If other tribes are allowed to limit those who live with them, the wolfen should retain that right. (in my heart.) Sometimes xenophobia prevents incompatible cultures from, starting needless, sometimes accidental strife: And wolfen sovereignty is important (to me.) You guys: I am sorry. Please, forgive me. I did not know the harm I was causing. It grieves me, that I was breaking wolfen hearts. My heart is breaking, over the harm I have caused. Guys (all wolfen people and ancillary beings I have damaged) i ask you find it in your hearts, to forgive me: As the wolfen who wronged me, apologized with genuine intent, so, do I, now apologize. I intend to, tearfully apologize to you all, publicly, if I need to, and perhaps, I want to. To demonstrate my (genuine) penitent heart. You deserve to be treated better. You are a good people. Finally, and I hope, this letter heals: I believe the wolfen were chosen to suffer and struggle the way they have, because their hearts are pure, because their minds are strong, and because they were worthy of it: as our canines on the surface, love, protect, and guide us: so the wolfen, also carry that noble canine spirit, and through them, perhaps, the human race may, be introduced to, the land known as Eden. Wolfen: your highest calling, may yet to be realized: As the harm that was done to you, was grievous: so your ascension and love, will unite an entire world: I would love to see you, beloved, and honored, muzzles raised with well-deserved pride: you are that special. Let your, tears be turned to joy, your sackloth be replaced with the clothing of royalty, for you are all, kings, and queens. To the young wolfen: you carry the torch. Admire and respect those who came before you: but do not be afraid to do things differently: This is the way of evolution. You are not flawed, you are not broken, and you are, worthy of love. Love yourselves, forgive yourselves: mistakes are how we all learn. Take life, one day at a time. Make plans, have hope! And if things change, roll with it: you got this. To the older wolfen: you already know. The less you care, the happier you will be, surround yourself with those you love. I would, prefer, in my heart, to see, old enemies, make peace with each other: it will be hard, but the new unity you will find, will be worth it, if you both can agree over the harm you caused one another. I understand, some things cannot be forgiven. Do not trouble yourself. To the women, again: I would caution you against, negative, disparaging thoughts: you are as precious as a polished jewel. Do not allow yourselves to be disrespected, demeaned, or treated as common. You are not. You are precious, and worthy of love. Remember: Your smile lights up worlds and melts hearts. You are WORTHY!!! WORTHY WOMEN!!! WORTHY WOLF-WOMEN!!! worthy to be treated with love, dignity, compassion, and respect: but remember: the hearts of your men, are also soft, softer than you may be aware of: one harsh word can destroy him, so treat his heart tenderly!!! Most of you know this and are, empathic, and compassionate women. This is why I love you so much, you are such loving people. You are known, for your hearts, that overflow with love and passion. THE WOLFEN ARE A PASSIONATE PEOPLE. (which can get you into trouble, sometimes... Also be aware, there may be, FAR more individuals who are, almost irrevocable and romantically interested in you, than you are aware!!! Sometimes, you wolfen forget how beautiful you are- inside and out. However, they are too afraid of rejection from such a beautiful creature, to ask you out, and are afraid you may have an "other" that will kill them- which is a valid concern.) To the men: I have no idea, other than, please treat the women with the utmost of love, compassion, empathy, care, and love: they are the guides, and the future. I do not know. This knowledge is hidden from me, perhaps because I am just not supposed to know. A few, depressed wolfen women have come to me, for comfort and affirmation, and a few wolfen men, have come to me, distressed over my words and anger, spirit and attitude: it may help, to realize, though it may be hard to understand: it actually came from a source of love for you. I would ask, if you want, that when you are watching your, mate work, male or female, that you say to yourself, "this is the most beautiful man/woman/other in existence. And they are mine. I am the luckiest man/person in existence." Let her catch you, daydreaming about her, staring at her, with a smile, she may blush, and look away, and bring up some unrelated thing- go to her and kiss her, look deep into her eyes, with the, "luckiest man alive" smile, and tell her, with all the real gratitude you have in your heart: that you love her. Grab her, take her to the bedroom, and make love to her (just a suggestion) with all the passion you have for her, the moment you knew, she was the one. Make her cum[/u]. I believe, you guys, are all doing, really well. Maybe I do not need to say anything, just, to apologize for, hurting some hearts. Azzy: I am sorry about my stupid pictures. I intend, to draw many beautiful pictures, with you in them. I am sorry for calling you, a name, in that moment that name more applied to me, than to you. You, are a kind, loving, tender, steadfast woman of love, compassion, honor, and power. Even the male warriors fear you, because you are a bad ass. I'm gonna teach you how to fix a car. You also dance beautifully, when you are happy. I wish, to dance with you, my girl. God, you are so beautiful. (attractive. Sexy.) Forgive me for being needy, and cringy. I am trying to give you space so we can both heal: All I know, for certain, is that I love you. Please, continue to watch over me, as you do. I will, work on my listening skills. It is hard. It takes effort, but, just know that, you are worth it, wolf girl. I wish... the wolfen, could crawl inside of my heart, and feel the love I have for them. I do not think a single wolfen, would ever feel insecure again, if they could. Never feel insecure, unloved, unworthy, or unempowered. Never feel, unspecial, ordinary, usual, common, or useless. Never feel ugly, rejected, unattractive, or hated again. You will always say, Yeah? well my DAD loves me!And, it will be true. Perhaps this is why I chose/was chosen for this mission, as I am a non earth native, to me, you wolfen are literal walking miracles of unfathomable beauty and grace: When I tell humans about you, they tell me, they instinctively, know what I am saying is true. I do not have such instincts: You know: I have doubted your very existence in my loneliest, most painful years. Thank you for detaching from me, and allowing me to heal. Let's continue that, and let's hope for a joyous reunion. I love you. -King Dave P.S. I love you. P.S.S. Have some, relaxing, music: www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGA4raGnNfY(I was told, this was not necessary, but some may find it a welcome break from the metal. Plus it's just really good music!) I love you guys. I hope something good happens to you today. I hope you win the battles you do not speak about, I hope you get what you have been praying for. I hope, you meet that special someone you have been looking for today. I hope what I have written here, touches your heart. I hope you feel special, after. I hope, you feel loved, after. Yes, I like stinky things too, I am, indeed, part wolf. It's not weird at all. Yes, I want piggyback rides. Yes, you are beautiful. And you. Yes you, too. You especially. Don't ever doubt your worth again. My heart, longs to be with you all. <3
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 24, 2023 18:13:07 GMT 9.5
To those questioning, if I injured your previous king, "So I could be king": Rest assured: I absolutely did NOT. In fact: a day before he ascended, I was able to connect with him in earnest, and I sat with him, in the cockpit of his AT5N (his preferred setting) and I genuinely connected with him. It was, a bit of an awkward conversation- but understand this. I had the utmost of love and respect for him. I still do. He is, a GREAT man. The pain he endured, in the machine, and yet remained soft and loving to all of you- would DESTROY a lesser man. When he ascended, it was because he had lost his hope. We should, not go back in time, to dig up, WHY he felt that way, because there isn't a blameless party. Further: He came to me, recently, and he told me: "Dave, I removed myself from the picture, in part, to give YOU rest. I knew what, you had endured for my sake, and I am grateful. So I gave you the rest you needed, and the spiritual crown, after."He's, legitimately, a good guy. He loved, even his friend, who, he thought, betrayed him. He died, with a pure heart. If, I ever post the eulogies I did for him, you will know: I am genuine, and my heart is true: search your hearts, and you will see. When I say I tried, I tried with inhuman strength, to accomplish this, sudden task I found myself with, while I am battling severe substance abuse that is, almost killing me, on the side, too. Anyone, who, "wants to be king"- allow me, to show you, how much fun, being king is, how, it destroys, half of your life with pain, and worries, how the burden, NEVER ENDS... How you feel as if you have NO FRIENDS... Yeah, you get a harem- but that is only so the king does not feel so fucking ALONE IN LIFE... It is the ONLY COMFORT HE HAS on some days... "Oh, boo-hoo", well, when I was given Adams spiritual authority, as I have said! There was an alien, who wanted to challenge me for it, and I pushed the HELL I was going through, onto him, (I didn't kill him! Just showed him!) and he turned his vessel right the fuck around. You want this power? You want this authority? LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT COMES RIGHT THE FUCK ALONG WITH IT. If you still want it, you are either, insane, a sadist, or all of the above: and then: you are no longer worthy of it! People have NO fucking clue what it means to have royal blood. (Yeah boohoo whatever. Just be glad you don't have to deal with this bullshit.) Imagine your daily stress, but being responsible for the well being OF A FAMILY OF TEN THOUSAND AND MORE. Add to that, THAT YOU ALSO LOVE AND CHERISH EACH OF THEM WITH THE LOVE AND PASSION OF GOD HIMSELF, of a father who ADORES his CHILDREN. Only fathers will know, if they can even wrap their minds around that. Now, after grasping THAT: Imagine your kingdom is united with others, their children, their ENEMIES, and how you are, to a lesser extent: On the hook FOR THEM AS WELL. NO PRESSURE, NO STRESS TELECOMMUTE JOB, FOR SURE. Sometimes the sex is the ONLY relief you get. I should also add, God, the old guy with the beard, the one who held young Asrael as His, "Beloved" daughter: Offered me his throne two days ago. My first reaction was FUCK NO. I asked him why, he said, "I need a break. I am tired." I turned the offer down, for obvious reasons. However, I did require his authority, resolving a situation, and he allowed me to work side-by-side with him (He allowed me to use his authority) On a side note, I am repairing my relationship with him... I have asked him for help, and Jesus, as well. God was silent, after I told him to his face, to go fuck himself, years ago, he said, my anger, "scared him". Well, I am, actually, a bit happy to say, we are, now on better terms, HOWEVER I WILL NOT BE PARTICIPATING IN ORGANIZED RELIGION. I'll probably start a small religion based on honoring Azzy, because why not. It'll probably be just drinking and orgies and having fun. I can, literally hear, Azzy sighing and rolling her eyes. I, just wanted the hearts who are speaking to me, to know: I never once (I did get mad at him once or twice.) intended your ascended king, any ill will, nor did I harm him, he made: his own decisions, and while I admit, I made some mistakes, in my trauma, and I DO have regrets, pretty awful ones, the ascended king, is forgiving, and loving, and I believe, has absolved me, as I tried, in earnest to my utmost, to, combine with him/heal him, WHILE DEALING WITH THE HELLFIRE TRAUMA OF BEING IN THE MACHINE, substance abuse, MY OWN TRAUMA, and etc. In fact: supervisors told me, they were amazed, there wasn't MORE drama. It was good to hear, at least it wasn't a total train wreck. To the ascended wolfen king: You know my heart is pure. Thank you for, loving your children, with the light of a thousand suns. Your love for them, is the envy, of all of Eden. You hairy, stinky children. How truly beautiful, they are: And they are beautiful, because of you. Because, you formed them, with your loving hands, you protected them, you kept them safe, innocent, and pure: And now, they are uniting worlds. You should be soproud. (On a personal note, my dude, I wanted to thank you, for honoring me, with this task. I am, honored. I like to think, in some weird way, that I made you proud. We certainly suffered a LOT, together. Maybe, it was, just, "time". I do, in fact, mourn the fact that you are no longer with me as you once were. I regret, not getting to know you, better. I tried making you as comfortable as I knew how. You also, had quite the temper!) While, I "like" having, "the crown" (ego) the truth is I never felt more relaxed, stowing it away and setting it down. What I am finding out is, it is not something that can be "taken", only given, when the circumstances are right. I am, still, mulling over, the Edenic crown Lilith was offering me, it is likely, if Eden DOES need me in that capacity, that I will take-on that mantle (And oh god the BULLSHIT that comes with it) I also: do not have to justify myself to A N Y O N E. I am writing this, so that these accusations, will stand no merit. Wolfen: I got the point, how much your ascended king meant to you, when you sent the warrior with the scimitar, to... "talk" to me. That was, fucking terrifying.You not only sent him in Eden, you literally sent that exact same person as a human AS MY NEIGHBOR. They have the exact-same spirit. I may have been a mercenary for a time, and while I am unsure if I have smoked anyone, I am fairly certain my number of kills isn't zero, (I may never know) his number of kills spans across years of elite military service and training across multiple branches: the dude was terrifying and a REAL soldier. I was better with a gun in some realms, but we both shared, the courage to enter into mortal combat, and a willingness to die for what we believe in, and a love (addiction) of hunting other armed men in the theater of mortal combat. I got the point after that.I want you to know: it had the desired effect, I changed my attitude about him after that, and endeavored to treat him with more kindness and dignity, as he deserved. I also want to expand on, how much PAIN HE CAUSED ME. He has been with me, all of my life, his anger, his lust, his passion, his depression, his suicidal ideations, his inability to think about anything other than, WOLF PEOPLE, when he left, MUCH OF THESE THINGS LEFT WITH HIM. I knew, he was a foreign entity in me, and I knew, I was sharing the burden of life and sorrow with him, but I DID MY BEST TO LOVE HIM ANYWAY. I wish, I truly wish, I would have been able, to connect with him, like I did the day before he ascended. It may also be, that, when I DID CONNECT WITH HIM IN EARNEST, that he knew: it was hopeless in the current situation. Maybe, I am trying to romanticize the situation past what it is, because if you go deep enough, it becomes UGLY, but I think it is best if everyone: Knows the king, is with me, just not as before, and, is out, doing other things. I do not bother him, nor do I meddle in his affairs: I attempted to change his mind about something after he ascended, and he resisted me: I had GREAT power over him: And I may have actually damaged him, in my will, and I sincerely regret that. It's like one of those things, you try to help someone, but you end up, breaking them and hurting them instead, like, arm wrestling a toddler, and then realizing you NEVER SHOULD HAVE EVEN TRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE. I guess, this is, where, forgiving myself comes into play. (Like the incident in the lab with the Reevers. I regret that. I also realized, the Reevers, while terrifying in their bristling horror energy: Actually collect wayward souls, and give them a home. Not the most pleasant home: But they are no longer lonely.) I am, even leaving things out, as some parts of my experience, will inflict trauma on people, just be reading the words and envisioning what I have been through. tl;dr Everyone wants to be king, until it comes time to do king shit and suffer like one.By the way, the suffering the king endured, was so unique, so lonely: ONLY A KING could suffer like this: And he only had an alcoholic plumber as a friend. The empathy for his pain wasn't just minimal, it was non existent. Imagine being the last of your kind and being tortured in cosmic horror ways for it, to death.
Did I mention the joy of having your intestines eaten over the course of two decades? Manifesting as anxiety that would drive a mortal man, insane? There are even things I am leaving out for the sake of the reader.
Eden is, "glad" I accomplished what I have.
The kindest thing I did for the king, as you may see in the night-time eulogy for him: was pour out a significant amount of vodka for him on his altar I made for him in the forest, a LOT of vodka, that got him drunk enough so he could let go and be happy, as he was, tormented. He specifically requested I do it: And I obeyed him. I filmed it, as a video record. My friend has the videos. He will release them if I, too, ascend, and you'll probably find them on here: be aware my friend wants "proof" of Eden and does not believe as I do. God help whoever tries building a house over the altar, you're in for some, "Moons haunted" type of shit. So, be not troubled, I attempted, in earnest, to honor him, and the wolfen people, in the eulogies I bring up, the individual wolfen who were a part of this journey, and yes, I weep several times. It is not an act. I spoke from the heart, and wept from the heart. If I had to describe, the king's spirit, right now, and especially as of late: Taking a well deserved nap. I apologize, wolfen, we all could have, "done better" in many ways, but I assure you: I loved and cared for the guy, in earnest, to the utmost of my abilities. There are no ulterior motives here outside of residual ego, and if I was not your king, I would still want to, have a relationship with Azzy (She's HOT, come on), or another wolfen woman, and if I could not, I would simply move on perhaps to the doggen, although: My heart would break in my chest, because I love you all so much, and being away from you, brings back memories of your king, loving you, so, so, so much, and wanting with all of his being, to be with you again, unto his ascension: so I would be heartbroken. You are truly a beautiful people. But I was born for this. I did not hurt your king as some are accusing me. Please, try to think better of me, and have some empathy, if you can. While I am a grizzled warrior and used hard and put away wet, I DO have a heart, I DO have emotions, I am rather easily injured emotionally ESPECIALLY by the Beloved Wolfen- you guys, I hope, KNOW THIS... You have, caused me, a GREAT DEAL OF PAIN, with your many trials and sorrows. Just because I was am king does not mean I cannot feel. So have some compassion, please. I believe you guys know what I am talking about. You have been pretty cool to me lately. I appreciate that SO MUCH. You have been very understanding. The wolfen have requested I end this on a positive note: So, as I heal from my spiritual/mental/emotional trauma (The wolfen are helping, as is Asrael, using her unique heart-connection with me, to shine a light on my trauma. I would say Asrael's help alone has advanced me, eight months of healing, in a week) my desire to drink alcohol is fading. In fact, I went on a two day water fast a while ago, and received divine healing. I am, not "there", but I can confidently say, I am, MUCH better, than just, three months ago. Also the wolfen tell me, they are glad I am king, because nobody else wanted the job.
If anyone doubts the veracity of my words, look into your hearts: ask God if I am telling the truth.
On an ending note, I was vibing to this:
While staring at this image of, an exalted wolfen woman, adorned in ancient Egyptian like dress. I look into her eyes, and see her pure heart: this is why I am doing this, for her. To give her a future. To give, her a hope. I take in her beauty (I am careful with Asrael's heart... She has been a bit jelly lately, and I am trying to honor that...) and I comprehend her form, and she is, so, so, so very precious to me: where someone may see, "just another wolfen", I see, a bright eyed, beautiful, hope-filled woman with endless beauty, and a heart that can heal nations.
I mean, just look at her.
Interesting to me, she has seemingly long fangs, which indicates a high wolf percentage to human/other, as the more, "human" Edenites, have shorter fangs, as they are not necessary, (Food is abundant and does not have to be chased or caught) hers appear long: and yet: she has more human fingernails and not claws. The canine nose, muzzle shape, eyes, head-hair, ears and human hands are wolfen, though. Also, she might not be part of the wolfen tribe I have been connected to. She may be in another realm, and possibly not this planet. All I am getting from her, is, joy and innocence. Hope. When Azzy ate my intestines and the source of Love became a part of her, it infused with all wolfen/canines across the galaxy and maybe beyond. This, particular woman, it manifested to her, as a "blip of extra joy" within her being, and she DOES remember it. (Which makes me feel good, because the experience took quite a bit of effort to survive...)
She's just, beautiful. Not majestic and powerful like Azzy, and Azzys eyes are my favorite thing about her, those light yellow hypnotic eyes of hers... And her legs are, "powerful like a horse" which for some reason, is highly attractive to me, the sheer magnificence of her body... but the image is a good example of the beauty and innocence you find with the wolfen and Eden.
(Also Azzy says she's not THAT jelly. Not all the time [emphasis me])
Also: One more, thing, you have to be part-wolf to be involved with the wolfen. For example, you have to like the smell of ass. I made Azzy laugh today, I told her, I want my nose so far up her wolfass, she would be licking my boogers. If that's not hilarious to you, I don't know what to tell you. The worst part is when you get tired of them, when they get "boring" and what are you going to do after that: if you leave them, you break their hearts: So you absolutely need to be an upstanding member of the tribe. It's kind of a, "once you're in, you're in for life" type of thing, it is a huge commitment. Really, any of the tribes, requires effort and commitment. It's adulting on a level that is beyond the scope of many human minds.
Also the wolfen tell me: They have reviewed my intentions, and they have found my intentions to be pure. So yay
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 24, 2023 19:15:06 GMT 9.5
Also I have made a decision: To get Azzy tattooed on my left arm. Full body, white fur, as if levitating, so you can also see her beautiful feet, with a crown hovering above her head, one arm outretched symbolically, perhaps holding a sacred object, her other arm, holding half of a heart, with a "vein", travelling up my chest, and to the other arm: where me/the prince/my avatar will be, holding the other half of the heart the vein connects to, my hand reaching out to Azzy (perhaps her other hand reaching out to me...) I originally had a banner, that would wrap around her, big, sexy body, that would say, "My sun, my moon, my stars..." She wants her eyes to be closed to signify, her gentleness, but I want one eye open, so I can feast on how beautiful her eye color is. It is still in design. Before I met Azzy, before I knew wolf-people existed, I had another idea for a tattoo, this one, is a bit more morbid, it was, and I may get this, large and on my back, a dude, (me, basically) sitting on a wooden chair, a bottle of jack falling out of his right hand, a shotgun under his chin, as he drunkenly, tries to reach for the trigger (and this event did almost happen, when I broke up with my girlfriend, last year... I bought enough booze to, "do it", but ended up doing cannabis instead, and I tell the dispensary near me: you guys literally saved my life. They like hearing that) However, behind him, is a translucent, wolf-woman-angel girl, with her arms around him, and her beautiful, angelic wings, folded around him, and, dark entities at her back, trying to get to the human man (again, me.) and get him to end his life. Like, the wolf girl angel is protecting the human: When I designed it in my head, my heart soared, as I ached, for wolf-people, to exist- LET ALONE A FEMALE ONE I COULD HUMP (They not only EXIST, BUT I CAN HAVE SEX WITH THEM??! (there are females, vagina-havers. The idea of making such, a beautiful, exotic creature, cum, with my penis, is, like, for me, the pinnacle of sexual conquest and desire... Seeing her eyes roll back in her head, or her staring at me through barely open eyelids, her lips, separate as I take in her breath... huff) holy shit, with ANGELIC WINGS. Previous to this, my "only hope" (As I was mired in religion) was, that, some of, "Gods angels" looked like wolf people, and my, doubting Thomas brain, said, why would God need wolf people angels, you better just not get your hopes up. But I said, fuck you, I do not care, maybe she exists on another planet, I may never get to meet her, but I want her, protecting me. While Azzy, was a bit of a grump a while back, I do believe, her, and other wolfen, were indeed protecting me: As I have said, the Spirit of the Wolf has saved me, in very real ways, 4 times from what I know of. I will also say, with the ascended king, not as an influence over me as he once was, I am less attracted to male humans. I think, his main thing, was male wolfen and, if I have to be honest, I almost melt for male wolfen and get the butterflies in my stomach for some of them, as I do, when I see a hot wolfen woman swaying her hips and that tail behind her, giving me those eyes like only a wolfen can... I'm not saying I'm never going to hump another dude, in fact, I am talking daily, to the guy who, has the eulogy videos, who has a leonid avatar, and he is, we can say, of that persuasion, and he is good-looking, and I can see myself sort of, falling in love with him, but I need to be careful: He falls hard for people, and I do not want to break his heart, because right now, I am dangerous and trying not to hurt people. Also: my desire NOT to be intimate with men: is also tied into the demasculation trauma I suffered as a child, as I love myself, I am better able, to love the same gender as I am. So, who knows. Azzy is worried, my gay side will take me from her, and the scary thing, is, she is, usually right. So, I am trying to be careful with it. I am, somewhat being celibate for her sake, and even, watching my intake of females, in porn... The last porn I watched, Azzy came to me, as she, has been lately, and has me, "take on a spirit", she will often assume the human womans role, so it is like, I am having sex with her and not my hand, but the spirits she gives me: are all very feminine spirits of truth, basically: What it is like to be a woman, to see things, from the womans perspective, due to my trauma, I was robbed of that perspective as a child, however, Azzy has been, "proud of" how far I have come, in re-living the childhood trauma, and healing from it: and gaining MASSIVE empathy for women, especially in sexual situations, where previously I thought, it was all such a terrible sacrifice for them: Azzy says NOPE, women like sex as much/even more than men, they just have to be more careful... It is a stepped-realization, that goes deeper into my soul, until, I can manifest it into my life. Previously, I would chat women up at the dog park, with the intention, of possibly humping them, but it never went anywhere (much. I've humped a few people from there): i realized yesterday, it is because I have been told such lies about women, I am a good-natured man (usually) and I do not want to, "hurt" them- however, a woman I was attracted to, yesterday, basically flirted with me, hoped to "see me again", got all close to me, and I envisioned, the act of sexual congress with her, and that is what brought her in: because god damn it, it feels fucking good, and women can be adventurous, she did admit she had a boyfriend, and while I didn't give a shit, the truth is, I get MURDEROUSLY JEALOUS, and I can only imagine, her boyfriend might be that type, as someone who has been reading this thread may know, I have given some of the women in my life permission to be open with their sexuality, then WHEN THEY DO IT I END UP WANTING TO DRINK THE GUYS BLOOD. In fact, it's what basically ended the relationship with my girlfriend, when i found out, she humped her ex husband... I thought I was fine with it, even said, go ahead, why not... My trauma effects my "erection" and I've been going through a lot of bullshit lately, so I could not, "perform" for her, and suggested it... (I don't really give a shit about admitting it publicly, a lot of men struggle with it, viagra helps, sometimes, my hope is as I heal from trauma and develop real attraction, it will also heal my ability, to hump) Well, when she admitted it, I was okay at first, until I drank, then I said, according to her, "unforgiveable unforgettable things" and yes, I did... Which is hypocritical, but at the same time, I struggle with that... Well anyway, it's been good. Part of me, is relieved I am no longer in that relationship, but my heart goes out to her, as she is struggling no doubt with other things, and also I was to get a puppy from her neighbor to be a friend for my husky, and I was really looking forward to that... And her and her son owe me a significant amount of money that basically put me in the poor house, and I am somewhat sore over the promises made over that that have not "come to pass". I am going to have to re-start my plumbing company, which I sore do not want to do, as I am loathe for the labor and do not charge enough, nor am I willing to, lie to customers, so I do not make the money, I "should". However, I met a plumber in a bar who is also honest, seemingly, who makes good money, and he is, taking me under his wing, possibly. Because, my only plans after my money was gone, was to check out early and self evict my meat suit, however, now that I have told the universe I will not do this (the wolfen are also happy I have chosen to live) my fucking plans are gone, and now that the money is gone, I do not know what to do. Sort of caught with my pants down and no plans... As I made the plans in desperation, fear, and sorrow, probably during a hard time with the wolfen (no doubt as to that.) But, if I have to start the business back up, I will, as it is looking like I will need to, to finish the van. I also enjoy living like a wolfen: Almost never bathe, if I have to go into the public I rinse off and put cologne on, just don't really give a shit about anything other than making myself happy in the moment. I wear the same clothes and wash them sometimes, I like, not giving a fuck. Someone at the dog park said, I am, experiencing, "Freedom", and this is me, being free. The amount of women who will chat me up, even when I look like a filthy homeless man, and smell like one: is amazing to me. Reminds me of Rasputins conquests... I think human women are used to, barbarians, it's just in their DNA. There's also something to be said about a woman you can smell and taste. But maybe that's just the wolf in me. Also of note: I find it amusing, how many people are in the, "furry" fandom, who, when I tell them: furries literally actually exist: end up blocking me, or freaking out and calling me insane. Like, you, of all people, should be THRILLED they are real... You're, literally in a fandom that worships them. Maybe it's more like, "I like the way animal people look, and they're sexy, but the idea of me being in the same room with one, creeps me out" I guess that makes sense.
About the not bathing thing, three interesting things I have noticed:
1. When I am depressed, I am more comfortable when I am unbathed
2. When I bathe with soap, it can, quite literally, cause me physical pain
3. When I took the combat life saving course with my unit, they stressed, cleaning a wound out to prevent infection: I chimed in: every time I clean a wound on my body, it gets infected. However, if I do not clean it out, I NEVER get an infection.
Case in point:
I was working on a mobile home, and I sliced my pinky open to where you could see the tendon, on the sheet metal siding of the home. Further, the area I got cut on had dirt in it, to where, I saw, dirt, paint, possibly rust particles inside of the wound.
I immediately closed the wound and bandaged it, and left it, for three days. It did not hurt more than usual, did not get infected, I could tell my body, was "fighting", though.
So, after three days, I removed the bandage: And my body had sealed the wound completely, and it had, "expelled" all of the foreign matter: the dirt was now, on the outside of the wound.
No infection.
I used to think, maybe the tap water I used to "rinse out a wound" was just bad: No: Even bottled water causes me an infection. Reverse osmosis water, 9 stage filtered, with remineralization and PH controlled alkaline water like I have in my home, nope: infection.
Just slap a bandaid on it: I'm good.
Also of note, I used to, have my dog, before he passed, "fix it", when I was wounded, I would present it to him, and he would lick the wound clean: Also: Never an infection if he licked it.
If I am ever seriously wounded, I will tell whomever is patching me up, if they wash the wounds out, you are as good as killing me.
The medic who was teaching the course told me, he had never heard of someone, not needing a wound cleaned out to prevent infection...
I do not know, if it is the "wolf" in my unseen DNA that self-heals, or maybe humans are rather fragile...
I was pondering this saga, with Azzy, and from an outside observer's perspective, it may be romantic: in a sort of monster fucker way. The phrase, "Monster fucker" is becoming popularized, as people move, closer to unity and Eden, the idea, that, a monster such as a werewolf, vampire, tentacle beast, some manner of large cat-demon in one of the dark kingdoms, have sexual needs too, is gaining popularity:
This could also be a sign, Eden is soft-preparing the human race (Flirting with us) to the idea, that yes- monsters are real- and yes- they want to date us.
I am unsure about the timeline, part of me, is afraid, we will never be, "ready" to be introduced to animal people...
I know, for a fact, MANY humans, will, say, "I fucking knew they existed." when previously they never gave it a second thought... And the idea that if you wait until someone or something is "ready", you may be waiting forever.
I do not know, nor am I sure: But I do know humans would accept the Edonites. What, are they going to do, deny the wolf person who is literally, standing in front of them, or is on their TV, speaking English, being interviewed?
That's not a fursuit, bro.
Also of note: When I worked with the wolves, the large male i bonded to, who saved my life, he LOVED it when I left a stinky shirt with him, he would roll around in it, tear it up, eat parts of it, it was like leaving him, a "memento to remember me by until next time" kind of romantic.
He seemed to, like the shirts; The stinkier the better.
So, I decided to test the hypothesis, and see, if I didn't bathe for TWO WEEKS, he would GO NUTS in a world of STINK SCENTS OF HIS BOI...
No... He hated it. Wouldn't go near it. So even, wolves have limits...
Although... A pack once buried some excess meat, and we did not know, it had been in the ground until it had turned, into a black sludge of a stench so horrid, if it touched your skin, you smelled like, rotting death for days after no matter how many times you washed your hands: and the wolves LOVED EATING IT. So I am not sure where the line is, exactly. Like, fermented, ground (like dirt) meat, they were all happy like, "We were saving this until it got perfect, have some with us!" I politely declined their offer
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 25, 2023 13:00:59 GMT 9.5
The wolfen aren't as dumb as people think.
The accusatory hearts and voices, who accused me, of "wanting the throne" and "doing away with their old king", are the VERY VOICES RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ASCENSION. Such as: When a vehemently anti-gay politician is discovered sleeping with other people of their same-sex.
Hypocrisy.
They, made deals with the 9 circles, to put him through things they knew he would not survive. Deals the tribe knew nothing about.
They are, what Jesus calls, "whitewashed tombs". The parallels to the NT, Jesus and what I have been going through are uncanny. Wolfen pharisees, fearful high priests of losing their authority, fearful ones who just wanted their poor, old king dead, no matter how badly he suffered. I wondered why he never made progress: This is why.
So, these adverse beings, I tried making peace with them: it was impossible. If they, are not, using religion as an excuse to remain, adverse beings, (like backbiters in church, corrupt, thieves, those who use power to predate for sex), they are part of a "Satanic/demonic" (no offense to them, it's the only words I have to describe it) murderous blood cult.
I got tired of it.
Tired of all of it.
So, I used my authority, and encapsulated the wolfen in their entirety, and isolated them (all) from me. There is still a connection with Azzy, but it is murky.
I basically dominated every single one of them, and exerted my authority over all of them: regardless of their sensibilities. They complained but I did not care. It's time for, dad with the belt.
They forced my hand. They, took advantage of me, of my weakness and fear after being in the machine: I also exerted my authority over the nine circles as well. There were multiple earthquakes.
There were some pretty, awful things, I considered, but I repented of them: The old, ascended wolfen king came to me: And said, "Not that." (Do not do the thing I was preparing to do. He was advising me with my authority.) So I repented of it. However, I isolated, the worst offender, the one most responsible, and he is to step down from his position of power, but it was not enough: so I isolated them from me.
However, I retain the orb of isolation around the wolfen, and I will not release them until the time is right.
The nine circles: The same.
This is necessary while I heal.
I also, got to see myself, empowered, amongst the wolfen: And what I saw, terrified me... If this, was meant to be, someone decided: the wolfen need a king who is going to discipline them. A king they are going to fear. The anger... I felt... While in their tribe amongst them... The pain, the fear, the rage I experienced, while, being subservient to them- not only me, but the ascended king: Was unjust. No more- I guess they need a disciplinarian, now. The rage of God Himself.
I really, need to work on myself, because if justice will be done, there is going to be a reduction in the wolfen population, people are NOT aware, their little blood cult, of which some of the council members are a part of: is pure evil. (not sure if necessary for balance. I cannot go into more detail.) Their religion, while practiced in most of their homes, and used for the good, enrichment, and betterment of the wolfen people: is used to hide some VERY evil things. Much the same as, the "church" here on the surface committed unspeakable atrocities, crimes against humanity, so has their religion been used to hide, so much darkness.
They remind me, of some religious people I have known, within the church, but hiding terrible darkness, I believe the Bible may call them, "Not true Jews", or something. I'm not sure how much the wolfen community knows about it, there is a lot of, "keep quiet and carry on" going on, and I hate it. It is possible, the higher ups, perhaps even god himself, decided the ascended wolfen king was not a good match for them any more, and I was a better match: because I won't put up with this bullshit. I'm sick of it. At this point, I would rather be feared than loved: Love didn't work. Being reasonable didn't work. They took advantage of me, like they would take advantage of weaker prey. No more.
I'm tired of it. Tired of being a victim. It's about time I took authority over the entire situation. If this kept going, deleting people was going to happen, if justice was to be done, with what the wolfen, did to their king. It may be, Eden is weary of the evil the wolfen do, too, in the cover of darkness. And I am here to make it right. I am starting to get angry. So I am taking a break before I start deleting motherfuckers.
The wolfen, had better god damn well begin starting to act submissive to me: every, single, last, one of them. Or, I am going to start putting them in their places, and when I studied this option: it scared me. How close I am to violence to those who have wronged the king and I. And how that violence may be more terrible (enraged. their reason: certain wolfen were frightened, and wanted to remain in power, and they felt the king was a threat to that... So fear, jealousy, weakness, basically tortured their king for years... And me for decades... Well, now the "nice" king is gone, and the one who will actually punish them is here now.
Hey, they got what they wanted, right? Just like the Jews screaming, "Let his blood be on us!" When Jesus was on trial. Y'all got what you wanted. Now it's time to deal with it.) than I realize, before it is over. Because of what they put us through. If, people knew what they did... To their own king... Select wolfen... They would know the punishment that is due them. (The guilty ones. I count twelve. There are more, but twelve main bad actors with ulterior agendas, who lied to the tribe about their motives, citing religion and "god's will". At least one of them knows, the punishment the king endured, will fall upon them, too.)
It could be, this timeline was prepared before hand, including my anger with my own church, my own religion, my own god, to deal with these wolfen, who mirror the toxic dynamics I have witnessed here, on the surface.
Truly, if the wolfen are ever to integrate with us, they ARE going to have to clean house. This blood cult they have: would kidnap innocent surface humans, and murder them. And, I would be responsible, as their king. I am, unsure, of what the ascended king, turned a blind eye to.
So, isolation it is.
I need a break from this anyway.
I need to focus on myself anyway without this crap. It's about time I set this wolf stuff down and learned to find myself.
*sighs*...
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Post by paul on Mar 25, 2023 14:38:31 GMT 9.5
> It's about time I set this wolf stuff down and learned to find myself.
This time?
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 26, 2023 13:39:24 GMT 9.5
> It's about time I set this wolf stuff down and learned to find myself. This time? One hopes. It is a process. I am getting closer. I hope you see it.
I cannot leave the wolfen like this.
I, have a friend in the wolfen tribe, who is not a part of this forum, who has given me wise council.
These things have happened:
I have discovered one, ONE of the religious sect, who claim to follow God, and yet who's hearts are evil: ONE who is worthy, who has a good heart. (Their religious sect. Most wolfen are religious. It is a sect within the tribe.)
JUST ONE. His name is Josiah. You are the pariah of this religious sect, and rejected, by them and the tribe: but upon you will I build a new church. (Don't fuck it up.)
He may remain.
A number of the other tribes of Eden: Have come forward to me, and stated: These twelve, religious wolfen, have committed crimes against them, if not in deed, then in heart: And because of these, twelve, I hesitate to use the word, "evil" wolfen... The entire tribe has had to pay a price. (not the curse I put on them. They are, not trusted as they should be. The righteous wolfen have to pay a price and are downtrodden because of the twelve.)
Most of my sorrows surrounding the wolfen, and their treatment of their former king, is directly due to these twelve. Several are on the high council.
No more.
I have been approached, by several, high ranking wolfen on the high council: Wolfen with GOOD hearts, who love their king: And they have requested I remove these twelve from power- and I was advised, and so it will be: they will be removed from the tribe as well. Yes, the very thing you feared the most, as you tortured your former king and made his greatest fear manifest: so it shall be done to you. No longer will I be subservient to your whims and wills: I am exercising my authority as king over you.
I am, allowing the military, to take action in this matter: If you do not follow my will, you will also suffer the consequences of it: You, too, have requested these twelve be removed- they are, almost entirely hated by the tribe:
They hated the Ascended wolfen king, and are each, responsible for his death.
The hard part: One of them is the kings son.
THE ONE WITH A BAD HEART WHO IS ON THE COUNCIL WITH A FAMILY- THE YOUNG ONE- WITH A PROMISING FUTURE- YOU MAY REMAIN in the tribe, though your powers will be stripped from you: if you wish to leave: you may. For your families sake, I am allowing you to remain among the tribe. You have a bright future ahead of you: My advice: Work on your heart. If you become a problem within the tribe, I will allow them to deal with you how they see fit: You are an asshole.
These twelve are an affront to the throne the wolfen hold sacred and dear, and they have, blood on their hands: the blood of their former king: To the wolfen: deal with it, or the shame that will cover your tribe will be even worse than before.
The twelve: Are to find a plot of land, and remain there: I was advised, to kill you if you left it: Stay away from the wolfen.
If you cause me, a single ounce of frustration, irritation, or fear, as you have been: I will kill you myself, possibly, all of you.
Go, and be, hateful, evil, cruel, uncaring beings, by yourselves: If you live long enough, maybe you will learn to have empathy. If, after five years you desire to return to the tribe: your hearts will be tested, but if a single ounce of poison is found within you: you probably shouldn't bother wasting any of our time. You are lucky, I am letting you live: For what you did to your old king, you should pay in ways too horrific to describe: I am testament and witness to the horror you put him through: And you are also, guilty of injuring his friend, and making him believe his friend had turned against him: You have also damaged a loving relationship, and two.
Azzy: You know. It is okay. If you wish to go with the twelve, you may: But you will break my heart. (please don't.) I do not count you as one of them. I do not count anger, as a bad heart: We share a heart: If I shared a heart with one of these, evil wolfen: I would know it. You are a righteous woman. You are righteous enough to give God Himself the finger when you believe He is in the wrong: For this, even God respects you.
To the one, whispering evil things in my heart: If you keep it up, I will cut you in half. Take the pain in your chest as a warning: Go with the twelve and never return. I never want to hear from you again: I mean it. Fuck off. You were never my friend. You are why the king fears for betrayers. Let your pride bind your ankles and trip you up until you learn humility.
To the wolfen: The curse I have put on you, will remain, for a time, a time, and a half: For allowing this evil to exist within your tribe: See to it, your hearts remain pure: This is also why Lilith has requested I take charge of Eden: Because I know your hearts, and evil should not be permitted to remain in Eden.
[/i][/div] Especially evil of this magnitude: It is a stain, a blight upon all pure Edenic hearts, and brings sorrow to the heart of Lilith.
If any of the hated wolfen remain: I am removing your protections: the tribe may do with you as they please. Your lives are about to fully suck: I advise you to go with your brethren and remain in the land of hatred, with them, away from the tribe. Your shame will only grow over time: The God you claim to serve would turn you into ashes, if He were to judge your hearts.
Know that. You are nothing more, than clanging symbols, and whitewashed tombs: let your shame weigh each step you take, until you are so broken you come to the ends of yourselves: only then may you find redemption, true redemption: not the temporary repentence you are offering to me: it is as filthy rags to me, less than filthy rags. I am letting you live, because I know you are incapable of good.
Those on the council who are being removed: Will be replaced with wolfen of pure hearts, who are loyal to the king, and I.
Anyway: Wolfen: Please know that I love you. I cherish you. You are, my beloved. Many of you want to read these words: You are beautiful. You are, worthy to love, and to be loved. I love you so god damned much I could write a novel, explaining, how I love your ways, feet to ears, you are, my beautiful people, and I love you, with the love, of a thousand suns.
You WILL be restored to full honor: And honor you never even knew you were worthy of: All of Eden will grow to trust you once more. There will be rejoicing, and celebration: REJOICE! Your time of redemption is at hand! (Or, it's on its way. I know shit sucks right now, but it's going to get better, if you can remove the twelve. If I was there, due to how they have treated the king and I: I would take a scimitar to their necks myself, each and every one of them. So, do as I ask. You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain. They are not worthy of being among you. So do something about it. I am giving you the permission afforded me by my birthright and crown. Do as I ask. let good, and righteousness reign. And let evil be put out of the tribe. If not: the curse may remain. So, do as I ask. I only have love in my heart for you. Try not to grow sour over me: if you knew the evil these have done to me, you would be killing them yourselves.)
Take heart, and teach your children, not to become as the hateful, vicious twelve.
Do not make me do this again.
I, have made a way: for those loyal to the king, for those with pure hearts, for those who remain pure: to escape the curse I have put over the tribe: if they so desire, they may escape it: And the large male wolfen, in the military: the one with the blade: You are also excepted from the curse: You, and your family. You are a fucking cool dude and I love you. A man of honor. Rick.
China: (he is asking my verdict on him) I have found your heart to be worthy: you may remain. Your heavy job is needed. If you, were disloyal to me before, become loyal, now. I have found you to be a friend.
I am sorry I had to put a curse on the tribe, but it was necessary, to get some rest from the wolfen drama the twelve were causing.
Also to the wolfen: I mean no harsh words over you: Those of you who think I am angry with you: I am not. Not in the slightest. Let not your hearts be troubled.
To the twelve who regret what they have done: I feel your sorrow, but your lesson is far from over. Be glad I am sparing your lives, and am in a good mood, presently. If I see the yellows of your eyes again, I may be inclined to remove your heads for what you've done. In time I will remove your shame- but that does not mean you may return to the tribe. Again: You are lucky I am allowing you to keep your heads. Be grateful for that.
To the righteous males in the high council, both of them, who approached me with glad tidings; Thank you both. You are medicine to my heart. You are joy, and light to my life. Do not take my words lightly: I love you. I am, proud to be a part of the cleansing of the tribe.
Let's all work to do better, but take time for self care.
To the Leonid: Thank you for having the balls to come to me and tell me I made the right choice by ousting the twelve: I apologize, with sincerity, for the harm they have caused you: I wish to work to make it right, and restore the honor of the wolfen tribe. I also: Love you guys, but you know this: We are known for being passionate. Also, lion dads are hot. Let it be known. You guys are totally chill, and should be made to feel welcome with the wolfen- I look forward to deeper alliances being forged between tribes, and deeper, and more tender, understandings achieved. I just want you to know how much I adore the wisdom of the Leonid. You are special to me.
So thank you.
To the other injured tribes: Work with my people to make things right, so their honor may be restored, insomuch as it is possible according to your customs. Please, be gentle, and respectful of my peoples customs, ways, sensibilities, emotions, and etc. I ask for forgiveness of the wrongs we have caused.
Thank you.
Also to the wolfen: If you see evil, if you see things that are being done that are wrong: Say something. Confront it. Bring it before the council. I do not want evil festering in the dark as it has been: Do you not know, this evil could bring down the entire tribe, left to fester and influence the children?
Have some balls. Have some guts. Your reputation means everything. Imagine trying to survive in Eden without the support of the others... So, treat it with dignity, and compassion. Resist evil, and it will flee from you.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 27, 2023 10:16:45 GMT 9.5
The wolfen have reported back to me:
They have successfully done as I asked them: and I am happy.
Things are already "feeling" better. It could be said, this is a step towards my healing: Loving myself enough to punish those who hurt me.
Alright:
I want to see an armed, and free Eden. That means, AR-15's for everyone. When one takes possession of the weapon, and 3,500 rounds of ammunition of their choice (or less, if it is too much to bear) they are to sign a waiver: If they commit a crime, or unjustly injure another Edonite being with it: They will face terrible punishment.
I refuse to rule over, an unarmed, and harmless population:
The first thing our, "visitors" are going to do in 500 years from now: they are going to scan our planet, and upload it's results to an interstellar file system:
After that time, Earth, is going to be, "coveted" due to, our resources, and especially, the waters of life in our crust, the ones I was bathed in as a child.
I want to see, P and N class gunships: And lots of them. Get on it.
I want to many god damn gunships assembled, you won't be able to walk in Eden without tripping over one. (Not that many, but I hope the point gets across.)
I want to see, "Dark weaponry", such as spiritual weaponry: And yes, I am well aware, they can be used against my kingdom: But, what is coming for us, after 500 years: will be, so much worse. You can think of, "Fifth element" type of annihilation if we do not start planning, now. When these motherfuckers get here, I want them to know in their hearts, minds, and spirits: If you want this planet: by the time we are done fighting, there will be nothing left of you.
Along with the receipt of the AR-15, and the ammunition, thirty-three thirty round magazines to be loaded at all times, cleaning kit, and a quantity of gun oil, solar recharged holographic sight, thermal scope, and side-canted iron sights to be on the weapon at all times- as well as a manual in the language of the specific Edenite, a bayonet, carrying case, and I will also require a certificate of training: Because I know you guys will end up accidentally shooting each other: and that's the last thing I want. An AR-15 is a dangerous weapon of nearly unfathomable power: By squeezing the trigger, a paltry four pounds: you can end the life and future of an entire being, forever. I want to see, competitions between the tribes, such as 3 gun challenges, IPSC, and failure drills, at various sized targets, at various distances. I want to see, every Edenite, carrying a pistol, at all times, along with, pistol certification. Ammunition that is used in training, "plinking" for fun, will be replenished: and should be replenished as soon as possible. Do not let me catch you with less than 3,500 rounds per semi automatic rifle. Pistols should have, around 2,000 rounds of ammunition, that is known to cycle reliably in each firearm: Make sure your hollowpoints cycle reliably! A gun that cannot feed a certain type of ammunition is little more than a shitty hammer!
Yeah, it's going to be a pain in the ass: Yes. But even more of a pain in the ass is being enslaved by a cruel race of beings- and no- I am not talking about the Draco. There are others. I will not sit idly by, and watch a people I love and care about: become victims. Now is the time to buck up: and take the responsibility for your life: into your own hands. I cannot fight, all of your battles.
To those loyal to me: I would like to see, a long range, "high caliber" weapon in .308 or above, sighted in to five hundred yards or beyond, with a minimum thousand rounds of various types of ammunition, especially armor piercing incendiary. I want you to have a shotgun, with a medium length barrel and folding stock: And 1,500 rounds of OO high brass buckshot, at a minimum, and 500 rounds of hollowpoint slugs. To those who enjoy the shooting sports: Grab yourselves a semiauto .50BMG.
Directly under my supervision: I want to see a united group, of armed, trained, and of one-heart: Militia devoted to the preservation of Eden's sovereignty, and if it comes to it: To assist surface humans with matters of space-type invasions. Once you are known to the surface humans, you may choose to involve yourselves with human affairs as well. Outside of, bitter enemies, or incompatible life-forms, I want the militia to welcome anyone, from any tribe. Further: There is not much hotter, than a bunny-girl with a gun.
To those with access to munitions: On top of the weaponry mentioned above: Five grenades per household, along with mortars: And the classes, and training to go with, their use.
To those, who are telling me, they are not going to, "Do that": then die.
The rest of us, are going to become responsibly armed, and devoted to the preservation of our lives, the lives of our kingdom, and the lives of those we love: This is not a joke.
For those, for whatever reason, who are unable to take-up-arms or handle them: Forge a treaty with an armed tribe, so that, if the danger comes: You will not be left defenseless, and will not be torn apart by the adversary. The only weakness here: is choosing not to be armed.
Yearly re-certification, may be enacted: At the discretion of the tribe.
If it comes to ground based warfare, then the security of Eden: is up to the individual. I want to see, you guys, fighting, until the last being, and if it comes down to it: your children, too.
If you do not do this, you will become slaves to the ones who are coming: and you will regret it.
No longer are the Edenites, to be soft targets, for whomever has more advanced weaponry.
Those of you who can cast spells: Learn to weaponize your magic, to protect you, and your community. Now is not the time for fear: but for coming together.
To all Edenites: it is time to bury grudges: For the offenders: To receive empathy for those you've wronged, even if unintentionally: I fully understand some grudges must fully remain to protect the tribes. However: insomuch as it is possible: Please, let shit go, and learn to live with one another: the one you hate, may save your life.
What is coming, specifically:
Nothing good, my friends.
Alchemists: Get on it.
Further: I understand there are, broken hearted Edenites out there, who would use their weapon to, possibly cause harm to their tribes: It is up to the tribe to stop them. I want to see, firearm handling and use classes in every school: so the children know how to handle themselves.
In my country, we used to have, shooting ranges in our schools, and children would bring their pistols and rifles to class, to hunt after school: We have done away with this, and now: we have school shooters who murder our children.
Move passed, the knee-jerk reaction of, "Less guns mean less violence" because it is a lie.
I want my people to be armed, and proficient; ESPECIALLY the wolfen: YOU KNOW FULL WELL WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME YOU WERE CAUGHT UNARMED.
you were enslaved, raped, tortured: and slaughtered: As only the king knows. The cries of his children, haunt him, to this very day: Never again.
Those of you on board with this: may display a Gadsden flag, at your discretion: No one who chooses to be armed, is to be belittled, made-fun-of, or obsessed over: A firearm is only a tool.
I want to see, every individual Edenite, empowered, armed, capable, and safe!
Yes, even the twelve dickheads who were banished from the tribe: they get guns, too. Just because they're a bag of dicks, doesn't mean they should be banished from the right to preserve self: It is not just a decree I am making, it is a God-given right of the individual to be safe, at all times.
I want the beings who are going to be, coming here: to take one look at Eden, and say, "fuck that."
Further: this is a decree in perpetuity: Any individual that attempts to unjustly take your weapon(s) should be viewed of, as a form of enemy: Your right to exist belongs to you, and you alone: If you research our history: Disarming happens, each time a group of humans, is massacred, slaughtered, or enslaved: These are all adverse circumstances, to a being, who desires liberty, and life:
So do not let it happen.
The tribes at war with each other: Knock it the fuck off. Go to war with yourselves (I mean, the individual. Look within yourself, and wage war with the being that is waging war with the other tribe.)
Further: Any tribe, bullying, injuring, making difficult, or harming any other tribe unjustly: you will be punished with a severity that justifies Eden being armed: SO do not do it: Put your petty, childish, bullshit aside, and learn to live with your neighbors: Or leave, if you cannot.
Along with the arming of the individual: I am removing the freedom to harass other tribes.
You are now living under the, FAFO principle: If you play stupid games: You will receive stupid prizes.
If you foister violence on others: violence will be administered to you in kind.
All bullying is to stop: And to be exchanged for unity: against what is coming. I will NOT name names, of the peoples, who desire conquest over this planet: It is their option: not to attempt to take us over. I also, reserve the right, to obliterate their homeworld, insomuch, as I am able: if they choose to bring bullshit, here.
It strikes me as funny, how many people, are willing to die, to protect this planet: and yet: there are still those, who desire to take it by force.
I am, confident, and not even slightly worried: about any of this.
I hate, being, lord, over soft people who cannot defend themselves: even the wolfen. As tall, muscular, and intimidating as you are, if enough rounds go into you: you are going down. It is the same with energy weaponry, disruptors, and etc.
My beloved wolfen people: You are leading the way.
I do not want to see infighting, or the use of the weapons, as a reason to start wars: Any warfare that breaks out: Will be punished severely, and the belligerents annihilated without mercy until the problem no longer remains. If that doesn't strike fear into every Edenite heart: read it again until it does.
Oh gee, you have to act like adults, now? Well, it's that time, and that season. Grow up. You've ridden the easy train, under your protections, and the ancients devices: for long enough. Now is the time of, dangerous liberty. Look: within your hearts, and know, that I am right.
Leonid: Thank you for your cooperation. "Welp. Guess we're getting guns now."
In the words of Walter White: You're god damned right.
For those morally opposed to this violence: Take your gun, your magazines, your ammunition, take the class, learn how to use it, get proficient with its use: Then never touch it again. There is no shame in that.
Am I worried, about these weapons being used against me? Not in the slightest. My heart is: That I never, ever, ever hear the screams again, like I heard, when the Nazis tortured my wolfen people. Your safety, the safety of this world, means more to me, than some title.
Further: Upon receipt of the weapon, and knowledge of being proficient with it's use: will come a sense of pride, of ownership: Your life, is now your own. A sense of, being empowered, to protect your life, and the lives of those you love.
It will also come with it: a high degree of stress. Every rifle crack heard will make your body tense up. Those of you who are prepared: be prepared.
Please: Take responsibility into your own hands.
Some in the underworld, also desire firearms: Because they are not bound by our rules and laws, they should be vetted on a case by case basis, based on heart, and intent: the empaths will know if it is right or not: THERE ARE TO BE NO STRAW RECEIPT OF FIREARMS FOR THE UNDERWORLD BEINGS: if you want a gun, come get it, yourself. I will not be funding any, wars and takeovers in the dark realms: sorry. It is in my heart that even the dark kingdoms, be armed and free: but it is up to them: I make no decrees over them. Every living thing, fears violence, so let every living thing, have the tool needed to prevent it, outside of their own bodies.
I do encourage, competitions between the tribes, fierce, if need be, as the heart believes is necessary. You are now, Edenites: Equals. Plant people, insect people, mammalians, and "other".
Why the AR-15: Because it is light enough for a female human to wield, the native 5.56mm cartridge is very light recoiling, the weapon is reliable, and it is accurate: as well as inexpensive. As I discovered, humping my FAL around, five hundred rounds of 762 is a bitch in a pack that already weighs over a hundred pounds: But fifteen hundred rounds of 5.56 weighs less. While the FAL can punch through barriers that would stop the 5.56, in many situations, the 5.56 is fine for stopping human sized threats, and I would rather have more ammunition than less, in a life or death situation.
The USA military expends, on average, 1,200 rounds for every "kill" they get.
(Granted, that is more or less, "Spraying and praying"...)
For the, human contacting me regarding this: Get over it. I have been placed in a position of authority on this subject: And I am extending the same rights and constitution that afford me freedom, as a citizen of the constitutional republic of the United States of America: to every Edenite. Just, because they do not, look like us: does not mean they aren't as deserving of life as we are. Further: with the governments endless egregious assaults on clearly worded documents within our constitutional republic, and our governments clear lack of care for our rights: why do you care? Go fix the egregious lawlessness within our government before you criticize me.
You have no platform to complain.
It shall be done.
I only wish, I could do the same for the rest of the world: Sadly many humans I do not believe are ready for it: and their governments are too afraid of them to allow it, anyway.
The words I want, every Edenite to memorize are: never again. Never again, will an armed force, be allowed into Eden, to hurt, Edenites, unjustly. Never again will the wolfen people, be slaves. Murdered, raped, tortured: NEVER AGAIN.
Surface humans have more growth to do, and were very adamic, which is why they struggle with violence: but this is not the case with Eden.
This is going to require a lot of self control, and a shift in thinking, and the way the average Edenite approaches life: You are going to have to learn control over your emotions. Remember: You have a weapon now: and so does your neighbor.
Both open, and concealed carry are both encouraged: For the superior armed races, such as the Reptoid peoples, who have sharp claws and teeth: A firearm is superior to your innate strength: Go, and get your gun, too. There is no shame, in admitting, you could be better armed, and protected. Further, reptoids: you aren't going to be able to bully some of the other tribes as you once did: You might get clapped. (Shot) As I said: Battle within yourselves, to find out why you want to harm others. (I already know the answer, reptoids. But I want you to discover it for yourselves. You are worthy. And: You are loved. Some of you already know the answer: and they are looked down upon. This makes me sad.)
I have faith in you, Eden.
I have faith in every Edenite, to be united in purpose.
I would not be a good, ruler, if I did not empower the individuals, of those whom I care about and love: I consider you my children: And I want my children, to be armed, and strong. Never again does a father want to hear, the screams of pain of his children.
If, a threat does come to Eden, as she has been exposed, as vulnerable, as Lilith told me, when her and I, danced in the ether: The threat is going to find a very well armed, very capable Edenite people who will NOT be subjugated, ruled over, taken advantage of, or victimized in any way. Never again, will a woman, or weaker male: be afraid to walk the streets at night, during estrus. A wise man once said, God made men, and Samuel Colt made them equal.
Further: I carry a weapon, daily, concealed, I am highly proficient with it, I have had training that puts me above 90% of military and law enforcement, and even more: I have drawn my pistol twice, in a violent situation, and while I was well within my right: to smoke (kill) the offending party, I chose to give the offending party a choice: Back off or get clapped: and each time, the offending party: Decided to live. Another violent situation I was in, when I had the weapon: Was diffused by me- HOWEVER I had to send for someone to retrieve the weapon as the violence was happening, I did not have the weapon on me: and I felt naked, and vulnerable without it- so I never once left without it again. DO not be the unarmed victim! I have had, loaded guns held to my head by gang-members in my past, it is a helpless, and terrible feeling: It is something I wish to spare ALL Edenites from! It is because I love you, that I do this. So listen, and obey.
Sadly, while much of this solar system is embattled in war, I want to believe we all, are learning a better way.
As I said: those who abhor violence: Come collect your weapon, get certified, and lock it away in your homes (Do not bury it, this will damage the weapon.) and never touch it again.
Lilith cares for you Edenites: as do I. My love, for the wolfen peoples especially, also extends to the other tribes, and beings alive there.
You are all loved.
But now you will be armed.
The P and N type gunships: Are to utilize the most advanced technology available: including neural controls. I want them to be the most powerful, fastest, most maneuverable gunships in known existence. If one P type gunship can wipe a planet out: I want a hundred of them, and a crew capable of using them. When, the buttholes get here, I want them, to know in their hearts: they will NEVER get this planet. Also: the surface humans are too dumb and weak to handle such technology yet: But the Edenites are not.
To the dicks who are on their way here: Don't act like a bag of dicks, and you may just find yourselves welcomed, instead of hated: I know, you are capable of good. Otherwise: face annihilation. Your choice. There may be a mutual exchange of beneficial things that aid both of our societies: or there can be needless bloodshed that hurts us both, and if you make me mad enough: I will visit your home world next, and carry with me the exact-same lack of empathy for your people, as you were planning on showing mine. So, let's all just... Get along.
Eden: Get strapped.
I want to see my shiny new gunships (shiny to deflect lasers) and pictures of hot bunny women with guns.
Also: I want a number (perhaps five to start with.) of, long range gunships capable of, sustaining a crew of eleven hundred for eight hundred years, minimum. Get on it, Eden, and have fun, doing it.
Thank you.
(Azzy: I love you. Sexy, soft, white, beautiful, wolf girl. I may lift the curse, I think everyone got the point... I will restore you to, better than new, and give the tribe blessings they will cherish and adore: because I love you.)
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Post by tundrawolf on Apr 22, 2023 3:29:44 GMT 9.5
I grappled with Azzy last night, wrestling with her heart, about her innermost desires, the things she cannot hide from me, and the things she does...
I have also quit drinking alcohol. Had to go to the ER for withdrawals a few weeks ago, and the GF wanted to check me into a detox, but I told her, I quit heroin, meth, PCP, methadone, and other things based on willpower, I can quit alcohol too, and so I stuck with it, and I have been sober a few weeks now, and it has, well and truly, fucking sucked ass. I was also armed, and I told her, I felt like I was being kidnapped, and was ready to fight such an abduction, she relented, and I left the ER with a prescription for valiums, I was given ten, and only took three, to stave off the agony of what felt like, having ingested great pieces of jagged, broken glass which churned in my chest.
I also consume less cannabis, as I raw-dog life.
The reason I am writing this, is, as I confront Azzy, about her true intentions with and for me, her innermost heart-thoughts with respect to me, and others: I want to know her intentions: even if they are negative, and her intent negative for me: I still do not wish her harm, having felt her heart complete me, and my body giving her life, I am rather attached to her, on a deeply personal level, that is almost self-destructive: but thanks to some of the guidance I am receiving, here, I am focusing more on myself, rather than being self-sacrificial for a creature that may care nothing for me at all.
But, it turns out, she cares quite a bit more than she lets on, and is quite adept at hiding it from me. (She is protecting herself from injury as she is a tender woman, and easily harmed by someone this-close to her, and I have been, a ruthless, vicious, violent beast who would tear her to pieces unknowingly, and she has had to protect herself form me.) In fact, I hesitate to expose her any more than this.
As, I consider myself also her ward: we are bonded inextricably via ethereal matters, matters of the heart, soul, mind, and body in realms seen and unseen, in ways known and unknown, of a level that is marvelous to me in this human form, that may transcend existence itself, to be bonded to such a beautiful woman, is something that brightens my countenance when nothing else will.
As I am given the ability to detach violently from her, plunging her into a lonely void: I wish to not do this, but remain at her side, in some capacity, so that she knows: she is never alone, even if she is being a bit of a bad (naughty) girl at times.
Even last night, as I faced her, and confronted the idea she may be more enemy than friend, I endeavored to remain with her, at great expense to myself for her sake, even as she has ceased hostilities to me, two years ago when I first saw her naked body, just behind the light, and the darkness: to her back.
And so, I am prompted to make an update, as I have been silent, and gladly so, but I am being told (asked by concerned entities) to write this update, and so as this morning is unusual for me, here goes:
I woke up not having dreamed a dream, the crystal necklace I assembled in Nina's honor, having broken, detached, and is now no longer around my neck, the dark crystal, giving me lucid dreams of solid truth, forcing me to see things I was emotionally too weak to fathom. (About Azzy, about weaponry, about Eden, about the wolf and wolf people, about myself... About this world. I was shown I am a, "Seer", I know things, I see things, others cannot. That is only partially my identity. In one dream, a friend, took my high capacity automatic pistol from my hands, and replaced it with a .500 S&W revolver, telling me, I needed to trade capacity for power: this dream stuck with me. I witnessed a video of a sober, distressed veteran, at the end of his rope, assaulting an LEO, then taking 14 holowpoint rounds to his chest, and not stopping until he fell to the ground, shattering the myth, once again, of "Stopping power", and forcing me to change my own tactics in a defensive shoot, my next handgun is likely going to be a ten, as it has more energy than a .357 magnum, a weapon whos ballistic performance is fierce and evident, for those who have studied such gruesome subjects...)
This morning I woke up, with the reality of my situation: having been introduced to a wolf-woman, and her tribe of people, and how very, very real this all is manifesting, physically in a realm below our feet, it became, exceptionally real to me, my authority, my power: and the ability to sway, for good and for bad: it became very real this morning as I "Came to" in my daily activities.
I will say this, too, my body is healing from the damage the daily heavy drinking did to me, drinking vodka and beer mixed together, sometimes beginning at 3 AM and continuing for days, for months, and in the evenings, drinking to blotto: for years, my digestive system is demanding now foods, and sweets, and I am eating, so much more, even in spite of continuing to worm myself, I am eating, a huge amount of food.
I am, also, sleeping 13 hours a day and this is not enough, I am being told, I am, "healing".
My GF and her son seem to have taken the last of my money, but I am pressing on in as much healing as I can get, before returning to the Babylonian enslavement system. The van I am building is nearing completion. I am, happy with it. It will be, a one-ton, 4x4, with a semi armored rear living quarters, self driving, and full motion detecting and surveillance system, an NBC hardened evasion vehicle, with around 800 HP and a 1,000 mile range.
In expelling the "bad" (Contrary, negative, calloused, cruel, devious, back-stabbing, hateful, soulless, heartless, cold, calculating...) wolfen from the tribe this was revealed:
They are not wolfen.
They are wolven.
And more than this:
Asrael (Azzy) wolf-girl (woman) is also: a wolven. (Which explains her size!)
Which means, the heart that beats in my chest: is also wolven.
This, explains, a lot: and almost everything.
My raging, murderous temper, the fact that humans are frightened of me, my thirst for flesh and blood, my blood-rage I fly into at a moments notice, my raw, unbridled lust, my fiery hot passions, my binary thinking when it comes to problem solving, and my tending to lack higher cognitive reasoning abilities (no offense to the wolf people, it is what it is, I mean no offense. As I discover my more wolven nature, I am better able to isolate and harness it, rather than submitting to it and allowing it to rule over me. Which has been a real difficulty in, "Managing my emotions", and has been no small frustration. There are more wolven who lives as humans, than humans are comfortable knowing about. The wolven find the human race quite entertaining to live through, though I caution them to dial it back a bit without sacrificing their autonomy, freedom liberty, and safety- as there are worse things than the wolven at work in the surface human race, and defense is necessary, as I influence them and the wolfen.)
I will also point out that Azzy, is doing a remarkably good job of restraining her more wolven instincts, as her time in the machine has exposed them to her: rather than being background noise to her, she is well and fully aware of the depths of harm she is capable of: and thus she works to remain more wolfen like, being aware of her capabilities (A man has... got to know his limitations.)
I have obtained a puppy, to be a companion for my husky: and in caring for this tiny, terrible creature, the wolfen/wolven have come to me and told me, "See how hard it is to raise such a creature? Imagine that, bit with hands, and a big brain!" and, it was a truly terrible thought.
It gave me immense empathy for the wolfen people, and the animal people, attempting to raise such, tiny shit factories that want to test everything in sight.
I have, resigned that she is to use my sunglasses, hairbrush, polymer pistols, clothing, cardboard, wiring, and such as her toys, and to make it as safe as possible for her tiny, razor sharp, needle like teeth and claws. She has taken quite well to clawing my face until it bleeds, to biting me and causing me terrible pain, and me, not knowing how to reprimand her without coming across as some terrible cruel giant who only wants to crush her joyful, child like canine spirit. Again, the wolfen remind me of how difficult it is to raise their young, and this is, truly, a sobering experience for me, to imagine, this terrible quadruped, as having arms and hands and sapient intelligence, mixed with the same cunning and curiosity of a human being. It is, something so terrible, I shudder to summon it to my mind, and it drives my attention back to the surface realm, with the other humans.
So, this morning, Eden became, more real, and I became aware of, my "presence" below the surface of Eden, in a holding chamber, being somewhat tormented there, but becoming aware of it, "they" have backed off, and I am a bit, nonplussed about the whole thing, but I am trying to be diplomatic: and at the same time, wanting to meet bright-eyes, the wolfen tribe, and when she is ready, if (if... it is as much up to me if not moreso as it is, up to her, I must be worthy of her. And I admit I am presently not, I am too selfish, self centered, demanding of her love, her devotion and attention, without having earned it, I shudder to think of the manner of person I would have been, even a year ago, had she of been with my physically) she is ready: the beautiful wolven woman, Azzy. (She may need time to adjust, or to run away, perhaps, I wish to force nothing on her, she has been through enough, but insomuch as I am capable, I wish to comfort her, and hold her, and pour out my heart into her, to bond with her, to work to complete her, to be with her as she grows, heals, and learns to love herself, as I am discovering, and doing for myself, if she wishes, as she finds me worthy, with her heart as my judge.)
As I fall out of love with her, out of the honeymoon phase of our relationship (I am not returning to the wolfen. Only, exploring what is, while still seeking for my own best. Not seeking to "rule", but only to passively guide in the authority I have been granted) I am getting to know the "real" wolven woman whom I saw in a vision two years ago: while the strong emotions abate, they are, replaced, in earnest, with an understanding, love, and gentleness for this once imposing creature I am getting to know better: as I discover I have a tremendous ability to cause her no small grief: I attempt to be as gentle and not-demanding as I know how to be, while granting her the freedom to be the woman she desires to be, with care and understanding, and freedom, as she is attractive to me, very much so: having a "slave" is unappealing to me, I would rather grant her her freedom, to be and so as she wishes, rather than placing demands on her, as I have been doing. Two days ago, I was granted the, sacred secret of the wolfen heart, and I was told, this was my initiation into being granted authority over the spirit of the wolf, to guide, secure, and protect them. It is hard to do this, as I also seek for my own healing, my own sovereignty, as I pull away from such things and focus on myself, each time I pull away I am granted more access into these things, and deeper meaning and knowledge. It feels like it was meant to be, but time will tell, as I seek my own freedom and sovereignty, if I can do good, then let me do good, but I will seek myself first, and above all else.
She is free to do as she wishes, to choose as she wishes.
If, at any point, she desires to share-space with me, I welcome it, and wish to treat her as her innermost heart desires to be treated: if with roughness, then with roughness, if with compassion, then with compassion, if as a friend, then as a friend, if as an enemy, then let me meet her on a tender plane, and let her teach me enmity, that I can learn to see things from her perspective.
And, let me set her free.
If she desires to return, it will be in open, welcoming arms.
If she desires her freedom: let her find what her heart desires.
I desire for her to know a forgiveness she has wanted since she was very young, someone to know her, and to see her, and to forgive her of the most grievous sins, and still to love her, and to find her worthy of such things.
So, this morning, Eden became so much more real to me: and as I guide the wolfen (and wolven... the wolven among the wolfen are a softer type of wolven, who integrate with the wolfen, as they have partial-wolfen hearts... They are not completely given over to a passion for blood, as some wolven are slaves to...) I am also seeing, that in being adamic, as experiencing humanity as a human, in a human body, with a human spirit, I see that the level of deviousness required to survive the surface human world, is treacherous and cruel on a level that is absolutely unheard of in most of this solar system and indeed galaxy, not many races of being can be this terrible and have a functioning, liberty based society as we do: the wolfen people, when guided in a direction, tend not to question or deviate from that direction, sometimes ever...
I was also prompted, to start a sort of spiritual "Church" for the disenfranchised wolven, who have no go-between, of the passive and gentle wolfen people, the wolven being a stark contrast to them, who feel, in their hearts, they have nowhere to turn: I was shown I am a sort of savage go-between, with a tender but savage heart, a mediator for the wolven who desire forgiveness, and yet have nowhere to turn, who desire reconciliation, but only feel fiery passion: let them find rest in this church. Rest, forgiveness, repentance, and unity, without sacrificing their dignity.
So, I am being shown to be careful in how I guide them, (Wolf people) especially spiritually, as they may NEVER depart from that momentum... And could carry it to their own self-destruction, unknowingly, having had their feet guided to such paths: And still, I desire their sovereignty over their perceived safety, because without armament, and sovereignty, they have no security. As Thomas Jefferson once wisely said, those who would trade liberty for security, deserve neither: so too it will be for the wolfen: Never again will you be victims, you, and the Leonid, are at the forefront of protecting Eden. To a lesser extent, the surface, adamic humans, who still lack the intellectual fortitude to govern themselves and think for themselves. So fret not wolfen, if you feel inferior, just take a hard look at the surface human race, you will scarcely find those who have broken out of the matrix and have even begun to question their very existences. Even I am fresh and new to this.
Which is a sobering thought. As, I am not doing "wrong" per se in guiding the wolfen, and Eden, but I need to be, more cautious in what I say to them, to guide them, I could have a very militaristic society in some time, and that is not the direction I want them to be. My desire is to integrate a strong military force, into the loving and unifying wolfen nature, and that of the other tribes: it is not to govern your lives, only to be a ready and maintained part of it, while preserving the sanctity of their unity and innocence, lest it be taken by force, as was in the past, with the invasion of the Nazis. (Never again. Thew wolfen people will never be tread upon like that again. To all who oppose their sovereignty, be damned, resisted, and ejected, as such weakness has no part in Eden any longer.)
Further: their ascended king, has returned in a limited capacity, but it is clear to me, that while I honor him, he does lack some of my cognitive abilities to guide the wolfen: he desires to be loved and appreciated: but acknowledges, that my leadership is needed, and so, I retain my authority: but I also honor him, and give him part, as I do not wish to be a tyrant or dictator, though I resist some of his decisions, I want him to have the love his heart desires from his children, from his people: let him be loved, and I will continue to guide the wolfen into a tender but powerful autonomy:
I have given the wolven permission to return to the tribe: while they can act like, a bag of dicks, their toughness, roughness, and even cruelty: were good for the wolfen: because without them, the wolfen become like mush, able to be steered any which way an outsider who seems to hold sway desires: even to their own self destruction: which was the issue with the Nazis: an issue the Ascended King acknowledges: he lacks my cunning, vicious, cruel and adamic intellect in this matter, while retaining a pure and loving, devoted heart for his, our children, and simply wants his children to be happy: which is a desire I also share, in heart-unity with him, with them, and for them.
Further: the wolfen call me, their, "Dark king", which has taken me aback, a bit, why am I dark? They assure me it is not an insult, but I feel a slight bit injured by it nonetheless, I do not consider myself dark, is it the wolven in me? I am partially honored, as I a somewhat proud of the level of viciousness that has preserved my life, but also hurt, my intentions are nothing but good for the wolf people, to honor, love, and empower them, to give them their autonomy, without sacrificing their tender, compassionate hearts of love, to integrate power and force, while preserving their innermost innocence and tenderness, to only be eschewed on that dark day when they are forced to defend their land with their very blood, but effectively, and with a terrifying power they once so woefully lacked: let it be so.
There is more going on, as the doings of working with powers and principalities in this solar system and beyond, negotiating with peoples and aliens and worlds, who will be concerned with this planet in the future, is sucking the joy out of all of this, as I am prompted to become a soulless diplomatic bureaucrat, the very thing I despise, and yet, such is this business I am tending to. The aliens I am working with are finding me to be animated, passionate, and hostile, with a desire to be feared rather than loved: so it is with this same passion I protect the people that I love. You will find me, most difficult to reason with, and wholly unreasonable when it comes to matters pertaining to the sovereignty of the people I find under my authority and care. Not that I seek total xenophobia, but that mine, and their well being is my priority, all else comes second. I know, the first go-around, what happened to this planet, when she was found unguarded.
That will not happen again.
I can tell the audience, what is coming to this world, is terrible, truly, truly terrible on a scale that would make a movie no human would want to watch, nothing has come close to the horror of the will of these beings: (Again. Not the Draco- although they COULD be an issue, too! But NOT them.) which is why I am Arming up Eden, and having ships built, by old enemies of Eden, who are coming to our aid: who wish to have shelter in this planet.
Nibiru is concerned with the arming of Eden, and I have been sent multiple uploads of Nibiru history with regard to uplifted animal-people, and how war broke out when they were given autonomy, as their animal instincts began to override their human sensibilities, then colliding with their sapience and skillset in creating weapons of war, disaster happened.
I am, aware of it.
Further, some of the highest corridors of the rulership of Eden have been infiltrated, and corrupted. Complacency over the security they once enjoyed has now come a rather violent end. I am assured, things will be, "Taken care of."
They had, better be.
I caution the tribes who struggle with population control: to get it under control by any means necessary, not to retreat underground and create unstable populations: as the rest of Eden will be armed, and justice will be swift, terrible, and final: so regulate yourselves, because to be regulated, is an adverse situation you will lose your sovereignty. I maintain my diplomatic and friendly relations with onesuch tribe who struggles with population control, and their queen, whom I have affection for: please retain your sovereignty, as an example to your people, of a better way.
So, remain free. (this is a personal request...)
Those who attempt to oppress: Stand firm in your autonomy, and kick them out of your sovereign nation-lands, and each tribal territory is to have a demarcated and sizeable easement overlap of territory, which shall not be encroached upon or changed- so be wise about it- where communities can meet in peace, regardless of grievances. No tribe is to take advantage of another. Remember: you are all armed and empowered, now- your Interests should begin to focus inward, within the tribes, with a diplomatic outreach and business as usual with other tribes, this is going to be difficult, as I want a doubling down of xenophobia, with an exponential increase in understanding of former enemies. (Two polar opposites. You are in a transitory period, such as we surface humans are as well, we are living on a house of cards, a jenga tower, which could collapse at any time: such is the cost of your liberty. Preserve it at all costs before it is lost forever.)
Something that was shown to me that I wish to address: in the Edenite militia, I once excluded bitter enemies: no more. I was shown that bitter enemies should be welcomed, as this can be a bonding and unification point in the future.
As I said, I want to see individual weapon systems secured and safely stored in each home, if the danger I see never comes, then so be it, but if it does: your skillsets will be needed. I am told, the scouts who will survey this planet, finding it armed and well fortified, may decide to skip it by, rather than seeing it as a vulnerable and easily exploited inner, and outer land.
The armada I am amassing in defense of this planet, is catching the yes of multiple societies, who are growing concerned over my intentions: My intentions are nothing but defensive: as I desire the liberty of Edenites, I have zero desire whatsoever to subjugate any other species, races, or beings at all: I simply wish to live in secured peace, and to defend the home I reside in: same as in every other reasonable creature, I will take no shit from anyone. Who will pay for this aramada: All of Eden will. The mouse-people are a great candidate for the exploration and mapping of Edenite resources and beyond, for the exploitation and amassing of an armada capable of defending this planet from any enemies, foreign, and domestic, surface, and within the crust, local, and space fairing.
So, relax.
I am not a person of conquest, but a protector, and an individual who desires security and liberty, much the same as Nibiru, but without the excessive bickering: I desire unity as my authority grants me: so let it be done.
"But how do we know your intentions for sure?" Stop with the second guessing, it's going to happen anyway, I will not be swayed by petty politics and a desire for fears to be soothed by demonstrating weakness of any kind. You simply have to deal with it, and to know my intentions by my own actions, as the kingdoms once held their breath as I dismantled the old, adamic principlaity, to see what I would do with my authority, did I not return the kingdoms, rather than holding onto them? I have little to no desire for conquest, but for the fortification of my charges.
It may seem harsh to some, but you should witness the horrors I have seen in and on this world, horrors I have been subjected to first-hand, and you would know, my desire for peace stems from within the deepest chambers of my heart: and the fiery hot raging vengeance I will lay across the land onto anyone or anything who would threaten, once again, the people of Eden, and the righteous indignation of those who witnessed the horror placed upon the innocent, loving wolfen people, who did nothing to stop it, or to protect the victimized, raped and tortured wolf people: you have failed, and now you are being replaced by those who will defend the land, with steadfast and powerful warriors, with liberty in theri hearts and not tyranny, soldiers of honor, who know the stakes of giving an inch of land to the adamic, for if you give an inch, they will take a mile, and will not stop taking, until the land is theirs, and their bureaucratic cruelty, dysfunction, and tyranny, weak beings creating hard times, until it is the law of the land, (as we are seeing on the surface of this planet, with the weak, imposing their will on the free, "permits" "taxation" the imposition of unjust, backwards, and cruel laws on those without the courage to resist- I could give, endless examples. Eden is to strive to be libertarian, as she is in the infancy of her maturation- Now is the time to start, as to teach her the ways of liberty when she is young, she will not depart from them... as I fear the adamic surface humans may be far too gone to allow themselves to have this level of freedom from the Babylonian enslavement system we find ourselves immersed in, and our societies, which is the best, and worst system to govern adamic humans by, presently, a transition to a better system may result in even more suffocating tyranny, this is my warning to Eden: preserve your innocence by force, or have it ripped from your hands to be lost forever!
As we are seeing happen on the surface, I hope things turn out good for us, but they could end in disaster at the drop of a hat: know my heart for you Edenites is pure, and I desire your liberty, safety, and love to be preserved) to the sorrow of every free Edenite heart: let it not be so. Your fate is now in your own hands.
So, let there be peace.
Sic vis pacem, para bellum
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Post by tundrawolf on May 7, 2023 16:07:09 GMT 9.5
Regarding the woman I saw in the visions, a few years ago, who holds the other half of my heart, who's life-force I willingly, lovingly merged with my own (To extend her life, and give her love, nourishment, and strength.)
When I go to bed, I summon the connection we share at the heart, and I speak to her with my mouth... I know, it isn't perfect, sometimes, she can not be in a positive headspace, and she feels like my prisoner.
(I am working on it. Giving her freedom, and space, and the ability to feel. This... Whole set of circumstances revolving around, the wolfen king, punishment, merging with this planet, Eden, and the surface human race, Anunnaki etc. Goes far deeper than my words can express. There are aspects to this that are, divine, eternal, of god, and transcend the boundaries of what is commonly known or even understood by many alive today. I don't say this to "brag", but to make an attempt to put into words, how multi faceted, how ethereally complicated this situation I am in is, that it is enough to drive someone, into insanity in some aspects. All I can do, is continue to endure, and to, remain positive, and have hope for a good outcome, not only for myself, and wolf girl, but for this planet, and even those not on this planet, who are involved.)
Before I go to bed, I connect with the wolf woman who has the other half of my heart, and I tell her, with love swelling up within me, that I love her: I wish her, if it is night-time where she lives, I wish her a restful, peaceful sleep... Pleasant, wholesome dreams (of puppy dogs... Things that are nice, and cute.) Life affirming dreams so that she may discover more, and more, and more peace within herself. (We are similar in this respect. As i discover peace in myself, so, as does she...)
Though things are not perfect, though she harbors some anger against me, resentment, even harm, in some chambers of her heart, this experience has been rough on her, and she has had to go awful places- places she has actually enjoyed going and is unreprentent, which is hard for me, at times, to accept... (And there are, many such things within me that she tells me, are also hard for her to accept, too. I am, working on it, even if, it doesn't feel like she is. Is that, not what love does?)
I tell, her, if it is night where you are, wolf-girl, (She likes being called, "wolf girl" as opposed to, "wolf woman", as wolf woman, can make her feel a bit older, and she, wishes to remain as a child- as most of us do, I believe.) I am wishing you, a sweet sleep.
"I want you to know... That I love you. That... You are loved. How does it feel, wolf girl, to know, that you are loved? That you are cherished? That you are, Beloved?"
She can sometimes respond with, negativity, but I have learned to take it in stride.
Regardless of external circumstances, we share a heart, a mind, and even a soul.
It is prudent, to use this as a time of healing, of edification, and even of painful self exploration. I feel as if, she struggles to see me as having value, in some cases, to her, and so, I strive to be the person, she desires me to be: of having worth to her.
Yes. It absolutely hurts, to feel, in some aspects, that she views me as little more than helpless prey, and of diminished value to her more wolven instincts.
Okay.
I accept that.
She also, struggles to believe the things I have experienced, and that stems from fear: She is afraid that I may be far more powerful than she thinks (or wants to believe) and this partly stems from her punishing the king: she went places, terrible places, willingly, gleefully, and did, wolven things to him and me, things she is afraid, she is going to pay for, when I find them out (I pretty much already know, and am working to undo them.)
However, given that, while I am a pain in the ass to her, in multiple ways, and she, is a big of a grump at times, she remains, my guiding light, and the only light in the darkness for me, some times... And, while she is somewhat "along for the ride" in this relationship, I am making, in earnest, every attempt to become the person, she knows I could be. (A man of honor, kind, empathic, of good moral standing, stemming from my innermost parts... As grumpy and wolvenish as Ms. Azzy can be, she's actually very feminine in her morality, holding me, to a very high standard, not only one of purpose but of origin.
So, in the evening, as I am, about to go to sleep, today being a day of, "Falling off of the wagon" with alcohol, and regretting it, now, as perhaps I had to go back to my old ways, to see that they no longer serve me...
As I am ready to return to sleep, after having spoken with a friend I have reunited with, for hours, who knows about Azzy, the Anunnaki, hell, Eden, Adam and etc.
As I prepare for bed, to rest my body, I tell the beautiful, voluptuous, attractive, steadfast wolf woman, to please, if her heart is able to receive my tender words, to accept that, she is loved.
That... I love her. Even, if, she struggles to make use of that fact, it is still, nonetheless a fact: She is loved. (A part of her, is overjoyed over it, however, that part often takes somewhat of a back seat, tot he more practical Azzy, the one who wants me to be of use to her in more than just, soft words, stories, and music I make for her heart. Such as, me being a lethal weapon, able to wield a sword, to make war, to be tough, rough, and of the wolven.)
I tell her, ask her- sometimes, rhetorically- wolf girl, how does it feel, to be so loved? Yes, I am flawed, broken, and my words could carry more weight- but how does it feel? To be so loved, to share a heart with someone? How does it feel, to be the envy of women, to share a heart with a man, who is part lion? Who would move worlds, to secure a moment of your happiness?
How does it feel, to know, in your heart, that you are the most beautiful being, I have laid eyes on, in this lifetime?
Naked, hairless, urine and feces dripping down your bare skin, eyes in a hateful grimace, hands folded nervously together, the head of a polar bear, just behind the light?
When you were most ashamed, is when my dreams came true. And, when I felt your heart, beating in my chest, I was made complete, not that I wish to perish, but I could have died that morning, a complete man, having found, my other half. My soulmate, my spirit spouse, my twin flame...
My other half.
My wolf girl.
So, as I go to bed, I want you to know, whatever the future holds, that you are loved. For what it is worth, as the future is not yet written for us, wolf girl, that I ascend to places that benefit you, that I become the man you, deep down, wish me to be. It is okay to be selfish, and narcissistic, because, who's life will we live, for them? We can only live, our life.
I have, made mistakes, I have, adopted toxic thought patterns...
And, with your heart guiding me, wolf girl, I am changing into someone you can be proud of. You are, so beautiful... As your body heals and returns to her original beauty, and you feel as if you are striving for a standard of beauty that you feel you will one day be "worthy" of... Know this: that every ounce of beauty added to you, is like the crowning of a goddess to me... You do not become, on your way to beauty, rather, you simply become more, and more beautiful to me, and it is marvelous to me, how a creature can be an endless buffet of life affirming majesty... Of a beauty that is eternal...
And yes, blush, wolf girl, the fur on your cheeks bunching up as they do when I am making you embarrassed. You are that beautiful to me.
And, if you were to be the hairless, "stinky" girl in the caverns again, I would, remain by your side, even then, and work to be of use to you, even there. You are, no less worthy, without your shimmering coat of gossamer, effervescent, luminary fur, your royal coat of splendor, wolf girl. Do you not see, the women who gawk at you, who quickly turn away, when they see your majesty?
How, they wish they could be you...
What is it?
What is it that draws such, goose-pimpled flesh to gaze upon your timeless, magnificent glory? Just, what is it, about you?
Yes, I am piling it on thick... But I am doing so for the love of my life.
Regardless of what you may think, the future, as I have said, is not yet written. It is my goal, to be, by your side, wolf girl. I promise, to limit the cringe, when I am with you, and not embarrass you too much, in public, and in front of your friends, and before kings and gods.
You are, one hot piece, of wolf-ass. (You are attractive, desirable, sexy, alluring, voluptuous, perfectly beautiful, a yin to my yang, a light to my dark, and a dark to your light)
And I love you.
It is the hardest thing I have ever done, to accept you... To allow you to be the wild woman you are. You know the all consuming fires of jealousy that are barely contained by my heart... The white hot beams of fire that blast from my pupils when a set of eyes that are not mine, gaze upon your beauty, wolf girl.
How I long to be the only horse in your stable... The only man in your thighs.
And yet, I must also accept that you are wild, and feel energized, accepted, wild and loved, with other men.
OI how it vexes me and yet to be worthy of you, I must also accept this.
Someday, perhaps I will be the only stallion whom you ride, wolf girl.
I fucking love you.
I do not enjoy making you cringe! And yet maybe, a little. Do not let go of me, please, I do not wish to be alienated from you, as you are, the force that sustains me, and you are every bit as worthy of being worshiped as I say, and more, wolf girl!
You hate that I put you on a pedestal, you say you are, "just a girl" and it is, very true: you are. Just a girl.
But you are: also the woman of my dreams... Of my wildest, earthborne fantasies... The fantasies of a god who chose to be in exile...
Just, so he could meet you.
Just, so he could smell every pore on your body...
Every bead and rivulet of wolven sweat, between your toes, wolf girl.
The musk of your ears... And the treasures, and feast for my senses that lie between.
Ah ha, do not give up on me.
I have always been in-love with you, before I was even born, on this planets surface.
Every eye that gazes upon you, wolf girl, knows: you are not just special.
You are a goddess.
They cannot place their finger on it: nor DARE they stare too long at your formidable frame... Lest the fire in your yellow eyes set them alite... And burn them to a husk.
No, but they know. This wolf girl is special. Tall, strong, and powerful: your experiences have made you...
Majestic.
As intimidating as you are amazing, I consider myself, honored among men, among humans.
Teach me, wolf girl.
Forgive my weakness and fear.
You, cheer me on when I face my fears.
Your voice, guides me through hardships that would cripple me, and yet, your power, pushes me on, to glory.
I love you, wolf girl.
My eyes, see only one woman... And that woman is you.
My heart, knows only one thing: and that is, that I love you.
So, dirty wolf girl, go roll around in the dirt, tarnish your fur, kick those beautiful feet up into the air, and laugh at the insanity of it all, stare at the sun with your heavenly, galactic eyes, and grin, from ear to ear, your soft, tender, black lips curling up into the most beautiful wolfish smile that feeds my heart for years to come, in this very moment...
As, you turn your head to look into my eyes, and seeing your love, look into my eyes, and get lost in the blue ocean, as I travel the stars in your yellow oasis, wolf girl.
You see, you feel- and you know. That I love you...
As a god split apart, searching for his other half, he has found her: in you.
We don't know what tomorrow will hold.
I know one, thing, though... That I love you. That, when I am united with you, yes, even in your wolvish form, and me, as a princely human man, that peace will reign across this sector, for a not insignificant amount of time: because love will have been made complete... And from our union will spring forth many noble children, who will rule with justice, mercy, kindness and true power. Nibiru, will count us in the Halls of Power.
And a new alliance between the wolfen children, and the godlike Anunnaki will be formed, one to another, as you ascend.
But enough of that, I want your heart, not to fall off of a cliff of my worship of you... Lest you be exalted into oblivion. How can I love, a wolf woman who has fallen off the cliffs of love... No, return to me, wolf girl. Come, back to my waiting arms, that will gather you into myself, wrapping my protection around you, comforting you, while also placing myself under your subjection, and just rule, as my queen, my bride, my love.
My woman...
My wife.
We have only yet, to explore the fearful, dark chasms of the chambers we fear: but I seek it nonetheless. Perhaps we will, place that dreaded chamber, and cast it off, as something to only be explored, when we have explored every other chamber fully... When we have come to the end of ourselves... I pray that day we do not lose one another, but, instead, find a bond that can never be broken (We may need to find, other things, from time to time, to take a break, a rest from one-another. I pray I am not denied the heavenly scent of your body for long... You know how I worship your feet, fair, wolf woman.)
And, so, I must now end this cringe, and observe the blush and narrow eyed cringe on my wolf-girls face, as I slather her with words of passion, of love, and of life, she is as ashamed of them as she cannot wait for the next magical string to be written for her heart.
In the coming times, I have picked-up my guitar once again, and though I am self-taught and limited by my estimation, I have written some songs, and I am, trying to piece together, some music, for the soothing of the heart of Asrael. (Both, the wolf-person, and the entity with that name.)
I was, writing some music for her (wolf girl) a few days ago, and she said, it is too sad-sounding, she wished to hear some happy notes, alas we fought, as I allowed her to be honest with me, and it hurt, as it extended beyond the limits of my talents, and yet, I do not wish her to be restrained, as sometimes, she has painful lessons for me. However, I am endeavoring to allow her to teach me... Right, or wrong, it is a joint-effort, between, her heart, and my own. She is, not "Always right", but actually: usually, often enough to be, where I only question her after exploring her thoughts to their end... And, if finding an unsatisfactory conclusion, I will then confront her on it, but it has only happened once. We are not, mirror images, we are, two, distinct individuals.
Alas, she has all the good looks, and the hot body, and the sharp wit, and the soft fur, and the eyes that glow with healing passion and pure love, and I am left with, my rough masculine frame, and no tail to speak of.
You are, the most beautiful woman I have laid eyes on in this lifetime, and quite possibly, many others.
Please, have mercy on me, wolf girl. Do not be too harsh, for you could destroy me with a single look.
And, yet, I know of your darkest sins, and still, work to free myself of them, and to satisfy your wolven rage, which is quite the spectacle for me to behold:
You are one pissed-off woman, in some chambers of your heart, and have gone lengths of terrible, visceral wolf-rage that would shock a mortal human to their demise, just to behold a moment of its ferocity:
You are a bad-ass bitch.
So, please, let us come to a consensus on your injuries, let me plead on the behalf of those who have hurt you, while also enduring the punishment you feel so satisfied in inflicting upon me, wolf girl: I wish for your wrath to be poured out until it is satisfied, and yet, I also caution you: to feel the flame fanned to it's fullest, would also, destroy you, as well.
I know your rage, all too well, it is a rage that would consume worlds with your tainted passion.
And, still, you are the most beautiful, tender, passionate, loving, and compassionate woman not even god himself could create, had it of been his intention to do so.
You, are a walking miracle.
Your experiences have forged a woman of honor, not a woman to be trifled with- a woman who bristles with power, a power that causes kings to shiver on their thrones.
So, as I lay myself upon your altar, have mercy on me, wolf girl.
I want to be the man...
With the view of your back...
Under the sun...
Hearing the softness of your beautiful voice...
Feels your body from her most passionate stance...
And gives you the most precious gift I can give another.
I want to be that man.
Who knows you in such a way, wolf girl.
You are...
Beautiful.
And I love you.
______
From what I can tell... The animal folk inside of the Earth have been placed under a sort of, subjugative hierarchy, that puts them, "Below" Adam in terms of importance. This is, somewhat also reflected on Nibiru, from what I can gather. (Trust me when I say, things on Nibiru are NOT like things are, here. From what I can gather, that is, a good and bad thing, however, I am aware, that Nibiru, may also be looking to us, to come up with a solution that can guide them, too. That is how new this all is, and how important it is.)
There are those in positions of power, who look upon the animal folk as being, "Less than" by virtue of their innate instincts. Dare I say, what angers me, to no small bit: the endemic feeling that they are "tainted" humans, by "Lesser animals"
MIGHT I REMIND THE AUDIENCE
That the purity of the love that exists within humanities companion animals, is of such a purity that it literally cannot exist within a human for long, and yet, is the source of being, for many animals, feline, avian, aquatic, and canine.
While the prejudice that taints Eden, a prejudice I wish to get-rid of, as the animal folk embrace what makes them special (But not to war with the other beings there, over past treatment.) they will discover a new worthiness that originates from within.
This is not to be stifled, or regulated, or educated out of them, and some Edenite people may choose to live lives separate, where they can grow, and learn about their freedom in peace and privacy.
For a very long time, it seems to me, that ruling powers have relied on, an unspoken (publicly) disdain of the hybrid people there, viewing them, as a form of tedium to manage...
Which brings up a host of expanding territories, of new demarcations, new boundaries, laws, and rules.
With this statement: While the old ways, rooted in prejudice and perception of being "better" in some ways, have kept the peace in Eden, a new way, as humanity evolves (From my understanding, as the human race, and Eden, seem to be precariously perched on a precipice of doom, or peace...) Eden remains our, lost other-half.
As my, drunken friend bemoaned, as I postulated about, what an Edenic unification would mean for the surface human race on Earth, I told him the truth: Eden is our missing, other half. When, wolf-people walk among us in San Francisco, poverty, homelessness, war, disease, and famine: will all be practically cured overnight. Strange, but beautiful pioneering love will be found, and mixed together, as the human race learns a new way. As, a human finds love, with a cat person in college that explores a connection that transcends the boundaries of what either side has known or come to accept.
I told him, we could have, wolf-people, walking among us, by the end of this year...
But, that, people who claim to be representatives of God, are keeping us from each other.
It is, frustrating, to know, that we are close to a blessed, peaceful unification, and yet, humanity continues to suffer because of fear.
If, humanity reaches and evolves far enough, without the unification with Eden, especially now, that Adam's kingdom has been transformed, at some point, I fear that Eden will no longer be able to benefit and bless the human race, as she could, now, in this, vulnerable, pivotal moment in our time: I was born, for such a time as this.
Not ten years ago, not ten years from now: but now, in this moment.
I pray, hearts will be softened, and hope be allowed to reach insane levels, as that may be what is needed, to unify the human race, with our, "other half".
And, as I say this, Azzy ponders, what would, human Dave, typing this, do, if the gates of Eden were opened for us?
What, if, my beautiful Azzy, walked on her, bare feet, to a human bar, and I, met her there... Ears, falling back in submission, unable to look me in the eyes... Perhaps a foot, swaying under the barstool, nervously trying to keep her back to me...
The Djinn telling her, "When he sees your, mortal frame, even all of your teeth will not spare you from when he realizes, you are just a girl, and nothing more... Not special, not unique, and certainly, not the woman he believes you to be. And, how you have relied on his haughty, high words... He will scoff, and reject you. And, you will die alone, struck down from the position of goddess, to mere, filthy, part-wolf, part human, stinky girl."
After I flick the Djinn off of her shoulder, I will sit my human ass next to her, feeling her visceral vibration, that exudes the power of light and dark itself...
And, before you can excuse yourself to the bathroom, where you will try and sneak away, I will reach out, and touch your hand.
For a moment, your tearing up, nervous, large, cool yellow eyes, will stare into my hard blue orbs, knowing full well your ears are back, permanently, for good reason, your lips separated as if to speak, but your throat, caught up mid-swallow.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 7, 2023 16:55:50 GMT 9.5
And, for a moment, I will grit my teeth as you look away, blinking away the tears and wiping your face, getting ready to leave...
"Do you know who I am?" I will ask, softly, holding your hand.
You will shake your head, but your heart will be screaming the answer.
I will smile, finally, breaking the tension between us.
"I'm the man who has half of your heart." I will say, softly, with a smile that finally lets the tears fall- and if my wolf girl is to acknowledge me, her hand, will gently squeeze back.
"Get her a double." I will say to the bartender, who cannot stop looking at you- part out of fear, and part, out of a feeble attempt to take in the fullness of your beauty, wolven woman.
Ah, how awkward and far from ideal.
And me, being awkward, and cringey... And, desperate to be by your side always.
If you are willing, wolf girl. I would channel the very origins of the source of Love, the same love I was bathed in as a child when I died, and unite them with your, spirit.
Wolf girl.
Do you not know, how beautiful, pure, and worthy to be loved you are?
My God.
I know, the exact bar. Barbudos. They have, the best enchiladas. I could see you, tall, fur glowing, sitting, on one of the chairs.
God. You are so beautiful.
There isn't a living being, who doesn't want you, Azzy, in one form or another: and they are all, too terrified to worship at your beauty.
They are all, as drunk from wolf girl beauty, as they are terrified by you.
If, they only knew you like I did.
I would, buy you, all the liquor you could handle, and watch you transform, from a moody, somewhat stoic wolf woman, exuding a controlled malevolence, to a bubbly, gentle, sweet, kind, wolf-girl, who's laugh brightens the souls of all who hear it, while also causing them to jump in their seats-
And when those, soft, yellow eyes of yours, meet mine, and I know you are so relaxed, your feminine, to my masculine, and I remember, the beauty of your naked body, that wolfish grin will stretch wide, our eyes connecting, the visuals of our naked bodies, dancing with one another...
I will take you home, and explore the heart union we share in the most carnal of ways, and I will not rest, until my wolf girl is so satisfied, she sleeps deeply, with a grin on that perfect, lupine face...
You will wake to, breakfast in bed, your choice of music, candles lit, massage from feet to ears, a kiss, and then I will tickle you so you stop thinking about how you do not deserve this treatment and how uncomfortable it makes you feel, as you do not feel worthy: and my agony, knowing: you not only deserve to be pampered, but loved beyond even this, if you would, only accept it, wolf girl.
I love you.
I will, try not to make you uncomfortable, but it will be hard, and my biggest agony, will be, separating myself from you, as you go on with your life.
Perhaps your, tender, beautiful, heart, will swell with thoughts of me... And I will feel every one, no matter how far apart we are from each other.
I was made for you... And you... For me.
And I, will be carried away with a rapturous love, on wings of the beauty of your body, of the timelessness of your form, and the purity that exists in your heart.
You hate to hear it, wolf girl, but you are worthy. I may not be able to gush my heart out to you all at once... But in time, my hope is, the fullness of my affections for you, will be known to you: and never again will you doubt how precious, and special you are.
So, stick those toes in my face, let me make you giggle and blush.
I love you, wolf girl. From the hair between your toes, to the hairs on the tips of your ears.
I love your biting wit, your cruel laugh, your savage jabs at my very worth, and how you gather me into your arms and fuck my brains out just when your razor sharp wit cuts me a little too deep... And in those moments of visceral, raw passion, when I am inside of you, looking into your half-open eyes, your lips apart only to sigh your pleasure, I will grin, knowing your smile matches my own, and though there is a bit of truth to the cruel remarks you make about me, in the end, it is me you have chosen to be yours.
And, plus, it is good not to think too highly of myself- your wit grounds me, wolf girl... Just... Maybe try not to cleave off too much of my vulnerable flesh at times, though you must also express your frustrations with me fully... Be gentle with your human, wolf girl... He loves you.
Gratitude, I have, for you being willing to connect with me, forgive me for being afraid, and the mistakes I have made, when you tried communicating with me in earnest.
I know, I am a fragile, frail guy, wrought with insecurities, and an unhealthy dependence on you, wolf girl. I know, I am a pain in your ass, and not in a good way...
I also know, you see the effort I am making, to be as compatible with you as I am able, to hold no offensive thing within me, and if I do, for as short a time as possible, before I better align myself, with you, wolf girl.
I love you.
Also: A woman at the dog park, I told these experiences to, told me, after we parted ways, she went home, and dreamed of wolves. She said, it was a good dream.
Another woman who was standing nearby told me, "Your words weave together dreams of wolves in people." and that statement stunned me for a moment...
These words, have power...
And, can inspire dreams.
Incredible.
So, Azzy, sitting, at the bar, ordering another shot of fireball, with a skirt you detest, as you resent having to be covered up to that point: and yet: it also being so god damned sexy on you, tall, white furred, iridescent coat of plush, luxurious, soft, heavenly fur, your steely yellow eyes growing suddenly nervous, when I follow my heart to sit next to you.
Please, do not choose another, in my absence.
If you have any love for me, and for our heart, entertain, love: but do not choose, and I, will do the same for you. Even if I had taken a partner and a mate, you are my one true love, body scent and all- allow love to have her way, with us, wolf girl.
Anything less, would be a tragedy.
Please. I will continue to make myself ready. If you, choose another, then, I will find another wolf-woman to be with, to make my wife, to have children with, to marry, and to love until my dying breath: but my heart will always, in part, belong to you, Azzy...
Here's hoping your romantic sense takes front-row to your rational sense, wolf girl...
Think, of the distance that separates us...
And, how, it only makes me that much more passionate about you. Yes, put those stanky beans right against my face, let me feel your nasty, dirty sweat against my bare human skin, and let me inhale the pure scent of heaven wolf girl.
Bear with me.
Please.
We can... lose our inhibitions, become children again. Please, do not be afraid. You ow it to yourself, to give me a chance- more than a chance. Many chances. Allow me the space to learn, to be the person you have desired, from your heart... This world has, injured me, tried to break me, and has corrupted me- and yet I remain steadfast in becoming the man who will make you smile... The man, you fantasize about, who you wait for, to come home to you.
We can, talk about marriage, and children, when such matters are more ready to be talked about: Right now, my one wish is to be the man who completes you, as you completed me, that morning, those years ago.
I have faith, in myself.
I love you.
Religion, god, heaven, hell, we can let all those things rest- I only want you.
I choose you.
(She is reminding me, to tell you, she gave herself to me, on our anniversary, March 11th. She, repeated to my heart, each time I was afraid it was not real: "I choose you. I belong to you, Dave." She said it, over and over, until my heart was comforted. Honorable woman.)
I know, it's been a roller coaster with me... The effects of having the ascended king with me, and enduring what I have endured, have left me... Shaken.
But, I am healing- please be patient, and wait for me.
As I learn to love myself, wolf girl...
Perhaps you will meet me on my journey of healing... And, it would give me no greater pleasure, than to be your Rock... The man you rely on.
The man, who puts his arms around the frightened little girl: And lets her understand that there is no force, in heaven or in hell, on the earth, within it, or anywhere else, that I will allow to harm a single hair on your body... That you are safe.
IT goes, beyond my physical abilities, Azzy: it is a deeply spiritual thing, I wish to show you, through physical touch.
Forgive me, for being wet and messy and cringey. You may, put your hand down my pants in public and make me blush for it- but know you will blush, too. Ha!
I love you, wolf girl.
I pray, when you lay that big, beautiful, head down (I will also help you find a better mattress. I think that one isn't helping you sleep!) tonight to rest your body, if nothing else, please, accept that someone loves you... That you are cared-for, with an Edenic love and passion, a passion I am striving to be worthy of, for you, wolf girl, to not deny you an iota of pure love, a love that can heal worlds. You, and you alone, are my wolf girl, and I love you.
Thank you... For being my hope, right now, my reason for living, my reason for pushing forward, my reason for not giving up, Azzy. Your impact on my life is beyond mere description, your existence in and of itself sustains my life.
If you, married another, and were not available to me, I would, spend my time, loving you from afar, praying for you, burning incense to honor you, making spells to keep you safe, to prosper you, to make your love life wonderful. My connection with you, while it is somewhat irksome for you, is sacred to me, wolf girl.
I feel, the spirit of the wolf, having called to me, and this is why I was chosen: let me work out my fears, let me find my center, and one morning, come to me, and let me know, I now, complete you.
How, the fears in my heart, tug at me...
And, yet, how I have survived them all.
Yes- a sailboat is in our future, and stormy nights on the ocean, I will be your tender lover, on high seas.
Let me, cook for you, clean for you, be your masseuse. Be, my woman, my lover, my best friend- as your wolfish heart devotes herself to me: find, within me, the man, worthy, of you devoting yourself to: Let me banish every dark thing from myself, that would bring you any harm at all: and let us complete our lives, together, in paradise, wherever land and water our feet touch.
Or, not, wolf girl: I am placing demands on you, and smothering you: forgive me.
I will learn to give you space.
Please, understand, to a man such as myself, what you, being real, mean to me... I have searched for you, for eons, and now: I have found you. My other half.
Please, be patient with me, please, guide me, even if it is to a place where I leave you alone and give you space.
I love you.
I always have... And I always, will. I would, whisk you away into the lush mountains of the realm you are imagining, and build a home for you, and make it secure.
Alright she grows weary of my words, so I will bid her, a good night.
It is also, growing to be late, or early, as mid-night has approached and passed. I wish... for peace with you, wolf girl. Even if it means you choose a different path. I will, work on loving myself, and hope, our paths, cross, again, in the future.
I wish healing for us both.
I hope you know that you are loved.
Godspeed, wolf girl. <3
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Post by tundrawolf on May 8, 2023 3:04:09 GMT 9.5
I had a bit of an information download after posting/ as I posted the above last night. Azzy, came to me, and uploaded a sizeable upload to my mind. I wonder, why I am posting this, of what benefit is it, to be public about this? (Why expose myself to it?) The answer came, perhaps, because Adams spiritual stronghold has been dismantled, and the authority given me over it, as I have been tasked with taking his place, and "Making Eden safe" from Adamic actors within the human race (or at least, safeR) to assist in bringing about a change in the unfoldment of the human race (and Eden) that is a step towards unification, as the "last time" we unfolded this way, it ended in disaster for this world, and things had to be "Started over". In short, we are going to see, what may end up being an exponential increase in Edenic energies, reaching the surface humans, as I can attest to, seeing a wolf-human woman, in a waking vision, two, perhaps even three years ago, which shocked my third eye wide open, not only with her incredible, exotic physical beauty, but the beauty of her heart, which completed me, and also, beat in my chest... We are going to see more of it, and people are going to need guidance, and help. I am saying that to say this, wolf girl has a crush on her mechanic. It is, the same, as if, I was in-love with my ex... Well, what about Azzy? Am I allowed to, hump other beings, while she, what, remains celibate and waits for me? She also, showed me, how traumatized by the machine I was/am, and how, if I remained that broken, I would have made her miserable: She was willing to do her duty, and to be my mate, but she showed me, she would have been, a form of suffocated, being with my negativity. I was tempted to become despaired, but thankfully, I remained detached enough, to give the wolf girl, breathing room, to act on her feelings, for this dark grey furred, dark golden eyed, mechanic wolfen guy. (He is not a wolven, big, strong, tough, rough wolven men are her thing, and he's a shorter, softer, wolfen guy, which is a departure from her more visceral wolven cravings- which I can take as a good sign, because as a human I am more wolfen than wolven )
She told me, last night, she has to hide her love for me, because if she did not, I would "rest in my love, drunk with passion for her" (She's right...) and I would make no further efforts to change, and she really needs me to find my love for myself, and to change into a much more gentle, and kind, and open, and loving individual, rather than, a guy who NEEDS her to survive (That, sucks for her.)
About bright eyes, she is willing to be mine. I am NOT discarding Azzy, but neither do I want to be left wanting, either. However, that makes Bright Eyes, an "option", and honestly, that sucks for her. My heart, has chosen to continue the deep inner healing and self love work, which also takes me from Azzy, but only in terms of trauma we both share (trauma bonding) and has been said, stockholm syndrome for the attractive wolf girl.
Further: Azzy told me, "I am a wolven, Dave, you said how horny us female wolven are! DO you think I am any different, just because we are so close?" Touche, wolf girl, touche...
She has allowed herself, to be disciplined by the wolfen military, and she is a warrior, through and through, but deep down, she is a wolven woman.
The wolven are once again, becoming a pain in the ass, and at this point, to exercise my authority would require, drastic and vicious action against them, to make them, an "example", however, I feel like this is not the right source of action, and the wolven spirit has ministered to me, saying, it knows it's a dick, and it needs help, softening up, and wiping the wolven out from amongst the wolfen people would only cause a shock to them, as the wolfen do, somewhat need the wolven toughness in their lives, right now.
Right now, things are somewhat unhinged between Azzy and I, which is strange, because what she told me in earnest last night, was that she desires to be my mate, and actually is VERY attracted to me, and she showed me, the only barriers between her and I, are the barriers I have created myself (I am, my own worst enemy when it comes to her. A product of the trauma I received while in the machine... Likely, walls I set up, to protect myself, from Azzy, when she was going to work on their Ascended King.)
I asked her, if she knew, giving her heart to my emotional body, would bond us together like this, and she said, yes, she knew, I was going to fall in love with her, like this.
The truth is, last night I discovered massive darkness within myself, trauma, and even a foundation of fear and defensiveness, and this is the spring-board from which I approached a relationship with wolf girl, something she has endured, she told me- for my sake (She knows how fragile I am/ was and how emotional I was... And has been waiting for me to be more in control emotionally to tell me these things.)
She has, given me some hope, as she attempts to tell me, her relationship with this, grey furred fellow, may not "go that far", but she is in an emotional stage right now, where she needs to, I guess, sow her wild oats, as it is part of her healing...
She told me, it is possible, her heart would prevent her from getting too "serious" with this guy, because she said, our heart connection has a lot of influence on her, she respects it, more than I know, she is just, not allowed to be honest about it yet, as it would prevent me from striving and getting better, and she really needs me to do better.
A sobering thing I was shown last night, early-on, I was so toxic, dark, and negative, that had I of, felt wolf girl reciprocating my love for her, I would have fallen so deeply in love with that, I would have stayed toxic: And, had I of been paired with Azzy, in a romantic coupling with her, as my mate and spouse: She would have agreed to it, as she did, saying she is mine- but only possessive, not necessarily romantic: I would have, possibly have smothered her to near self-harm.
It would have been, an even more difficult struggle than it is now, as some of my handlers have felt it necessary to give me a blast from both barrels simultaneously, perhaps to test my resolve and strength, and to see if I would survive this.
Azzy, is the rock salt in one of those barrels... She is simultaneously my light, in the darkness, and a pain in my ass, and not in the fun way.
Further, she was concerned with me being sexually intimate with other men, and viewed it as a threat to her relationship with me, so I have, come to terms with myself, I am not attracted to men, I am allowing my natural instincts to take hold, before they were traumatized out of me, and I did it to be honest with myself, and to honor the heart of Azzy, and she cannot deny, I am making efforts to change myself, (more like... Embracing what is natural...) to be a better mate for her.
Basically, I am a heterosexual and I am straight, I always have been, I was just traumatized and introduced to sodomy as a child, and that door was "opened", however, Azzy is correct, women complete me, men are, somewhat, "Fun", but I do not want to jeopardize my future with Azzy, as she is, so very much often right, and when I fight her, she usually, ends up, being right, so I ended up defaulting to her, in this matter.
There are a number of entities who, are somewhat irked over this new revelation with her, having a crush on another guy, and they want to step-in and "have a word with her" but I have stopped it.
Last night, I was shown, I am to fully allow this, to not have resentment over it, as I DID SAY I wanted to give Azzy her own choice in the matter, and this is allowing her that space to make her own decision, with respect to becoming my mate.
It was hard as hell, but I also see, how my ex girlfriend, stealing the last of my money, forced me to forgive her, through terrible strife, and forced me to, love instead of hate, it was the most difficult polar-shift in my thinking I have had to go through yet, however, it produced a sort of acceptance and love, that I was able to apply to wolf girl, giving her full permission to be, a sensual, desirous wolf woman, with needs for physical intimacy and being loved up on by a guy, as I am not there physically with her to tend to her needs, and she being a wolven, has those intimate desires somewhat inflamed even beyond the horniness of a wolfen woman, Azzy is willing to turn away from this guy, however, I feel that would only harm my relationship with her, rather than help it: and she could fully fall in love with this guy, and even marry him, and that could become an issue, with respect to me, however, I did say, I wanted to give her a choice, and this, is me being diligent in earnest, in giving her the freedom to do as her heart (And body...) guides her.
I hold no resentment over her, and was instructed divinely, to be as genuinely happy for her, and wish her and the fella a passionate love affair together. Perhaps it is not necessary to state that if I allowed this to, it could be extremely difficult for me, as I was shown the male wolfen, and asked to genuinely like him, and the emotions I had, were ones of anger and bloodlust, however I fought them, he has, beautiful eyes... He is a good looking wolfen and good with his hands, and is a good mechanic.
youtu.be/rEby9OkePpg?t=129 It felt like this, to be so close to him, and he had his, air of, "Defending himself" from me, which made everything even more difficult, as he seemed to be standoffish, and I am supposed to try to like the guy, but I tried.
It feels like, the desires of my heart, are so far away... I am discovering more of my Anunnaki identity, I was known as pure but innocent, I had to be innocent, to endure this mission, because if i had any guile in me, I would have wiped this planet out of existence (if I was able and had the authority) over what was done to me here, but I have persevered.
It is only, a part of the game.
I have been, trained within myself to secure security as quickly as possible, so as to have an amount of closure in my life, with respect to things like love and religion, to get on the "narrow path" so to speak, and I have, wanted this for Azzy, It is near impossible to sum up my feelings for her with mere words...
Further, it seems to me that on my mission to this sector, I was "Split in half", and my soul/spirit was ripped in two, one half of me manifesting as a female wolven woman, and the other half, a human man, one living in Eden, in paradise, and the other, on the highest form of hell, which is this planets surface.
I spoke with a good friend of mine, who we were not talking because, I cussed him out while drunk, and he ended up blocking me, but we have begun to talk again, and it turns out he is well aware of Eden, the Anunnaki, and the visions and experiences I am discovering outside of the initial visions of, wolf girl. He is the one who told me, last year, "You don't know her, bro." meaning, he recognized, I was head over heals in love with Azzy, but the truth was, it was a product of desperation, and not of a mutual, compassionate, selfless and unconditional love for one another. In short: he was right.
And, I know, while Azzy is willing to be my mate, in my present foundation, the conditions are suboptimal for her ideal well being... And while my love for her might partially stem from stockholm syndrome, and trauma, the truth of the matter is, I do love her, enough to release her into the arms of this grey fellow, and for her to sow her wild oats, and explore being virile wolf woman, a wolven, who can tend to be only monogamous if there is power and empire to be had because of it. So, I also told Azzy, if empire appeals to her, I will form one, and she can rule as my mate, as I told her, if it is within her heart for me to have eyes, for only her, then I will shut my eyes to all others, and she will be, my one and only, and my hope, is that she (She said yes.) will reciprocate in kind.
And, we will be a husband and wife team, with some caveats, namely my performance in bed, must meet her libido, and I must keep her satisfied, which she tells me, if and when I am "up to the task", will be something fun for both of us, and I have, ideas we both like for this, she is a wild, wild wolf woman.
As usual, she is right and my fears of losing her are what is driving her away.
I see, even though I am financially ruined, and now destitute, a bright future as I find the rage and motivation energy, to start multiple businesses, multiple streams of income, and go full retard in them, taking out loans, hiring people, leasing vehicles, and retiring in around five years: this is the time of discovering who I am, outside of the trauma visited on me, not only growing up on this wretched planet, but by the Anunnaki machinery I was subjected to, implanting what may be false memories to turn me against people who are my friends, and to injure my relationship with Azzy.
Azzy also told me her name, and I wrote it down, but I am never to speak it publicly: it is for me, and me alone to know.
Speaking of Nibiru, things there, are like ordered chaos. My heart is not comforted over the near constant coups, the chaos in their government, the constant shifting of power, what was shown to me, is that they are, in part, some of them, are looking to Earth, to find a more peaceful way, and they are hoping my efforts are successful, in this vein, I was told, they are returning to Earth not as masters, but our servants... TO see "What will come of this" and see if we can find a way of existing peacefully, and amicably, there are those in power on Nibiru, who also grow weary of the constant power shifting, and would like to see a more peaceful coexistence.
I am, hopeful for this... But, I was also shown the "could be" and could happen to this planet, as we are on a precipice, this planet could be rendered uninhabitable once again, and we are teetering on that, in some ways... However, I choose to remain optimistic. Eden, has far more stability than this planets surface, which is why Azzy is stretching her toes and getting close to this guy who is working on her car.
Alrighty.
Well, this new puppy dog I have got, is also forcing me to re-center myself, and to interact with her on her level, and now on my perceived, child-fantasy level I had been operating on my entire life, it is, as these things are, difficult, but good, and rewarding, to interact with her on her level, as she would wish to be treated, but sadly, as dogs are so often, forced to fit a mold rather than given the freedom to choose the life they would desire: this puppy is a sassy, takes-no-shit dog, I have never seen such a spirited canine, it is like she has already matured, and is just waiting for her body to catch up, when she looks into my eyes, I can see a very stubborn and self-willed creature, however, she is also not using it to vex me, but it is still there, nonetheless. Her dreams consist of growls and barks and biting things. She is as tough as nails with a will to fight, it is the Akita in her I believe. If, Azzy has more than a small hand in her spirit, I would not be the least bit surprised whatsoever. In fact I am somewhat concerned she may be a feral version of her, here to whip me into shape, and mold me into a more empathic being. My husky has about served his purpose and is more for adorable entertainment, and he is therapeutic, in his empathy and comfort of me, and I love him so, but this puppy, is wild and free and tough, and often, the husky will run to me, trying to get away from her wild sensibilities. His look he gave me while seeking my attention this morning, was one of being tired of the puppies, needle teeth and razor claws.
Further this dog takes what she wants, if I have food she lunges for it constantly, and I push her away yet she continue to lunge for it, yes, I know about disciplining her, but I do not want to break her spirit, as eventually she does get the hint, that only the food I give to her will be given to her, and yes, I am well aware of canine/human food incompatibilities, mainly, there are basically none, and for a mutt, as she is, her digestive system is even more hardy than the "pure" breeds.
It is good... She is exactly what I needed in my life, at this time. She was, a "divine" litter, my ex also spoke of her, as this, as divine, being the product of two canines that have, one foot in the ethereal, not being fully canine, as my ex's male dog, "Commands endless armies in the dark chaos around Pluto..." and the female dog, also of divine origin, but also a hard ass, a tough dog that has no issue growling at you if you are in her space wrongly. (She has growled at me, and I listened.)
Today, I am to administer vaccinations to the other puppies, as the owner of the female, cannot bring herself to do it, and the remaining puppies should be vaccinated. I am careful, and spray myself down with sanitizing spray, so as not to transfer anything to my puppy.
I still love Azzy. I do not think that will ever change, nor do I believe it can change, nor would I ever want it to change, and as such, I wish to be as best suited to give her the best possible life, that I can be. I acknowledge my unreadiness presently, and the difficult path that lays ahead of me. It is, bittersweet, as things may get worse before they get better, and I may be, well and truly homeless, however, as I have said, I have strange optimism, as this anger in me over being swindled, has set a fire under my ass, to rip and tear and claw my way through multiple businesses, until my retirement is secured, even in this uncertain economy.
Somehow, my connection with wolf girl, extends into Anunnaki principles, it is sort of a divine love affair that they are watching intently, the Anunnaki love differently that most, and their love affairs can be intense, messy, and eternal.
It is bittersweet.
I hope, wolf girl has fun with him.
I hope he has the guts to show her a good time, and to love her like she deserves. I also know I am, in a way, putting a knife through my heart by saying that. Alright. I must trust the process. And, give wolf girl a choice in what she wants to do. Give her space and time to be at peace with herself, and to be at peace with her decision. And, I do not want to even resemble the man I am today, when she turns her heart towards me, again, to see what manner of man I have become. I hope to be the man of her dreams.
(At least... someone she would want to spend her life with. She knows, in her heart, I am capable of becoming that man, that is why she holds out hope for me. She knows, I can, and am capable of, doing so much better. She also feels a bit guilty over asking me to make these changes, but I assure her, it is also for my best interests, to become healthier, as well, and not to feel guilty about it. I am, perhaps, "too innocent" in some matters, as my growth was stunted by the abuse I suffered as a child in my lifetime, here. If I truly love her I will do as I am saying, and allow her the love, freedom, and space to do as her heart desires, whether it leads her back to me, or not. Of two things, and only two things I know for certain: Azzy wolf-girl live... and that I love her, with all of my heart. Go have fun wolf girl, I am unable to satisfy your desires presently, as I give you the space to heal, allow me, to, also, change, for what I believe will be a better, more welcoming person for you, which is my hope, I do not wish to smother or force you into anything. Be well, wolf girl. You are, loved. You are, Beloved. Even if I am so far away, and am unable to touch your soft fur. I love you. Have fun.)
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Post by tundrawolf on May 8, 2023 3:46:11 GMT 9.5
Also I guess I wanted to say but forgot, I have discovered the origin of Adams anger, and that is a rather tyrannical and angry being originating from Nibiru, and is a god-like force, who has infested the channeling crystals of this planet, I think one of the reasons why I am here, is to cleanse the crystals of his energy and banish him from this planet, so everyone can just chill out, relax, and vibe. I also have been tainted by some of his energy, more than likely so I will recognize it and know it when I find it. He is a crafty fellow, and plays the game well, but I am here for a reason.
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Post by stewartedwards on May 8, 2023 4:07:03 GMT 9.5
Of course you are Tundrawolf. We all are. Finding it is one of life’s challenges, that frankly and sadly most seem to miss.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 8, 2023 4:46:00 GMT 9.5
Of course you are Tundrawolf. We all are. Finding it is one of life’s challenges, that frankly and sadly most seem to miss.
I would still be a mewling mess if it were not for the visions of wolf girl. They snapped me out of my malaise and helplessness, and are working to empower me, even today. God, it is a messy and painful transformation, and as I have realized even recently, this shit takes me to the limits of my sanity, I can see why people would resist their calling. However, there is also a special satisfaction to the satisfying of your purpose, as sadistic as it can feel.
It is worth it. (She is worthy. I am worth it.)
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Post by tundrawolf on May 8, 2023 13:43:14 GMT 9.5
So it's been difficult.
I've been, removing myself from Azzy's space so she can, be with this person she has a connection to.
It's been give and take, as if I pull too far back, a part of her, becomes concerned (afraid. a part of her that is, still mentally still in the machine).
She is, so deeply traumatized still from the events within the machine, but, "deep down", so I remained with her, inner child, (i chose to remain with her.) so that she wouldn't be afraid. I continue to reassure her that I am in no way, shape or form, desiring to remove myself from her space. (I know it is toxic, but a part of me NEVER wants to leave her.) I felt, some things said, that were a bit mean, but I accepted them, if they were from her, very well, she is allowed to be angry. It is, give and take.
So, it has created a variety of new struggles, with not knowing what to do, struggling with residual detachment trauma, the fear of losing Azzy from my life and heart, which only reinforces distancing her from me, as neediness is not a fun thing to experience from someone.
There were tears.
I got to, a place of numbness with her, and as I disconnected, she whispered into my heart: "Dave. Calm down." I instantly felt better... When I turned to connect with her, albeit a bit desperately, as I knew it was her speaking directly to me, "It is going to be okay." she said.
She was comforting me. My heart knew it was her voice. (She is so very special. I know when it is her, talking to me. It is rare, but I know.)
She also told me, "They are questioning me." I asked her who, but I already knew: Investigations have been launched across Eden, and even I am being questioned about the fate of the Ascended king.
I IMMEDIATELY extended my spiritual protection fully around her, and I fully engaged my due diligence to keep her safe, though she let on, she really isn't worried.
In truth, even by harsh metrics, Azzy the wolf girl, stopped injuring him/my emotional body, long before it was required of her, she did her honorable duty by volunteering to do her (I was shown the barbarism he endured might not have been necessary, but dark and cruel forces desired to see him suffer. That is why these events are happening now. And, probably why I am experiencing relief and healing from it. The king and I had allies within the machine.) grisly duty, knowing it would have been much worse for the king had another wolven been allowed to revert to feral, (they enjoy this) she also knew, she was going to emerge from the chambers a broken woman, having had to do something she knew would cause her much trauma as well, though her DNA supported it, so it was not like she was a tender wolfen. A wolfen would have cried in the corner and never touched the king, they do not have it in them. Azzy, did her duty, and was restrained, and performed nobly, the awful thing that had been set into motion. She is guiltless, and should be given treatment for what she suffered. If I am the victim, I hold her blameless. It was the other wolven who went too far, in my opinion.
A lot of the awfulness in the machine was her, protecting herself from the vulnerable position she was in- she is blameless. I can personally attest, she stopped the punishment before it was required of her. And, she was forced into this position by those who sentenced the king to this, and those at the top, might be, "guilty" of putting him through cruel and unusual punishment, however, I will do what it takes to protect Azzy, I will add that she acted honorably given the awfulness of what was required of her. She has, suffered terribly because of this, and has lasting trauma from it, the other wolven, who tried to torment the injured king with drums and such: would not have spared him. However, even this, brutal and terrible punishment may yet be found to be justified, if only to spare the guilty from a torturous and very public execution.
No harm will come to Azzy.
Further, some of my past has come into question, but the footage has been reviewed, and they understand, while I was raised to be a racist person, I had to make a choice in high school, to keep my best friend who was not white, or to keep my hate, and I decided to keep my friend. My racist "friends" immediately turned on me and I knew, their friendship was fake, and based on hatred of other people. (not really that deep.)
I have no affiliation nor love of Nazis, and in fact loathe them quite a bit, for the suffering they have purveyed on people, and for a pride based belief system that is not based on the character of the individual, and the only experience i have with WW2 equipment was firing an MG34 with my unit at an MG shoot. I am not in any way affiliated with the Nazis. I detest them, and and horror and atrocities they committed upon the wolfen people are reprehensible, and my heart is deeply grieved over it, and continues to be grieved, mourning with the wolfen people, and I continue to be deeply angered over the events that transpired within the Antarctic entrance to Eden.
The only disagreement the Ascended king and I have, is he wishes to be worshiped by the wolfen, however, he also does agree, that me training them up to be self sufficient, is needed, although he hates it, as it does remove some of their innocence, however, alive with less innocence, verses pure and dead, even he agrees, it is good for them to be armed and trained. I have almost no desire to hold onto a crown, only to ensure the wolfen are set on a path of security, sovereignty, and a secure future, when I know they are going to be okay, will I let go of the authority I hold and return it fully to the king however, he acknowledges he desires me to remain with him, as I have knowledge he somewhat grudgingly admits, he is going to need to properly guide the wolfen people. He knows he is from a different time, a time of darkness, a simple time, and I am from a much more diverse time period, and there is a lot I know that he needs to understand. Unfortunately, he did not have time to learn of the new ways, and that got him into trouble. I hold nothing against him, and grieve what he suffered at the hands of the wolven, who are, rather afraid and worried about the righteous and justified punishment that is hanging over their heads, they should have remained in the settlement I allocated for them, and the proper response is to have examples made for them, however, I have also been asked to raise up a church for the wolven, to receive atonement, and it is good to have mercy on them (For now. They are storing up wrath. They know their time is growing shorter and shorter. Eventually, they could find themselves facing the end of their rope, but for now, they are acting submissive, and I feel repentance within their hearts, as much as a wolven can do, so for now they can remain, so long as they, continue to be good wolven.)
The wolven have returned to the tribe, and have re-integrated, which is problematic, as they are forceful and rude, and want things to go back to normal, and for me to make it right, there has to be punishment, as the wolven are the ones guilty of torturing the Ascended king, to death, and not the wolfen, It was towards the end that the king had lost all hope of returning to his children, due to the wolven (Not Azzy. She was inflamed with feral rage against the king early on, but she repented of it, as was his friend, it seemed, they both stopped. But, the other religious wolven continued to bully and injure the king, not all- but some are quite guilty, and they are the ones I outlined before, who are now in a bit of trouble. An "Axe" hangs over their heads, and they know they are not going to escape it. My testimony in the matter carries a lot of weight, as they are relying on my accounts of what happened, as justice is going to be done, however, I am weary of all of this drama, and I know the king holds not much against the wolven people, and he holds the wolfen completely harmless in his passing.) Some wolfen are calling for the blood of the wolven to flow, and perhaps it will, if a wolven comes forward to die to atone for the rest, then it will be enough, or, no blood will be spilled, and they will be regarded as somewhat cowardly, and lose their rulership over the wolfen, either way, or at least, be diminished, as it should be. Personally, I think there has been enough bloodshed and pain, and I do not wish to smell any more blood in the air, personally. And no, wolven, don't come thank me, as you did last time and still went against my will, your words are empty and insulting. So long as you remain outside of your settlement, the axe will remain over your heads, and the heads of your children. You have, brought this on yourselves, as I do not even need to say.
Believe it or not I am staying out of it. Outside of protecting Azzy (which she says isn't necessary) I am letting it all play out. (I don't want to throw my weight around and use the authority I have been given, and I do not feel she is in danger, just being questioned- she is handling it well, but she will need someone to love her when the adrenaline dumps. Someone to, maybe stand by her, when she comes to the end of herself. To watch over her and protect her, and give her the space she needs to safely explore the dark night of her soul, which I have experienced much, and can be a guide for her, in such matters. This whole thing is re traumatizing her, and that is grieving me. The whole thing feels dirty, not bad, but that all this dirt and evil is coming out to be aired, and the air has been polluted with malevolence. Just, dirty.)
I have located another version of myself, who is alone, in a sort of base, who is attached to the crystal mission. He is, unattached to the wolfen, and has been hidden from me until now. I can focus on him and his duties, and also sort of hover over the wolfen, and their affairs, though they are pretty much back on track to resuming their lives- they are empowered to take no more shit from the wolven, who have been humbled- this is the end goal I desired for them- their Ascended king views it as barbarism, instinctively, however a part of him admits it is wolfen instinct witchcraft, (He admits I know how to bring about change, using their instincts, it is why I am here) where the more powerful and stronger wolven have been publicly humbled, and the weaker and more passive wolfen, have put their feet down, and will yield no more to them, Chris, the wolfen warrior, the male with the striking patterns on his fur, I see you: steadfast, and an empowered man of honor, seeing your heart of power gives me goosebumps, and my heart is filled with joy and pride over your unyielding strength in this matter, bravo!
I stood in front of the tribe, my hands out, as if asking them, "What now?" and the wolven submitted to me, publicly, though they retained their pride, to a degree, they also cannot fully help it, I liked to see their fangs as they licked their muzzles and placed their heads under my hands, as if saying, "I am submitting, but I am not happy." However, when I touched their faces, I connected with their powerful, wild spirit, and they closed their eyes, letting me know, in their heart of hearts- something not often shown by a wolfen, they knew they were being shown uncommon mercy. One, or two or three, pushed their heads into my chest, though they are massive compared to me, they were gentle and respectful, and a pushing of the head into the chest is a show of ritual vulnerability. This is something the wolven pride usually prevents in earnest, however in this case, they chose to honor me. I accepted it, and feel a kinship and peace with the wolven people.
It is, a new dawn for the tribe.
As I move on with this, Azzy has vented some of her pain, trauma, and fear to me, and i have taken it and processed it for her, as she seems unable to do so (She is overwhelmed.) There will be more, now, because of this drama, later: The coming adrenaline dump is going to be a significant event for her. She is going to need me, and also, not want me anywhere near her, (And I know, my meddling also injures her, I am in a catch-22 situation, as I said I will seek divine counsel) later, and I will do as she desires me to do, I know this situation is bittersweet for us both. I simultaneously love her as the light of my life, and know I am also an irritant to her, and we are both sort of dancing with a healthy (but pained, traumatic, and messy) release of the trauma bonds formed in the machine, and an allowance of healthy relationships to play out without interference, for her and I both, although, recently I have begun to come to terms with, it may be easier on her if I just stay single (I am also burned out on relationships anyway. It is better to stay single for now.) and allow her to do as her heart desires, as I "find myself" away from her.
Her date with the mechanic, was not that great, and I feel partially responsible for it, I tried in earnest to keep my distance, but her heart felt injured, and she said it sort of ruined the date, so now I feel terrible that I ruined that for her, though she said she does not blame me and acknowledges that I really tried to let her alone with him. My fears act as darts and jagged arrows, that if I so much as feel a pang of concern for her, her heart immediately grows afraid, and this became an issue with the dark furred mechanic. I wish I could say we are "out" of the machine, but the effects of this traumatic experience continue to manifest. My heart, although Azzy has protected it the best she could (I would be dead if it wasn't for her kindness. Much has been revealed.) I now am tasked with a difficult task, as I move from her protection, which also re-traumatizes her as I pull away, little by little, making her feel free, but also, abandoned, which is the last thing I want, I keep reassuring her- Azzy- there is nothing within me that wants to leave or abandon you, nothing. I would, be by your side until I grew to be an old man. And you would never cease growing more wonderful, and more beautiful in my eyes, wolf girl.
it lends to the idea that, the more I cling to her desperately, the worse I make things for her, and then that pushes her away, and she is struggling a bit, which put immense pressure on me to get out of her life and let her live her life so she can just be happy. She, did not interfere with my human relationships, (Some... Jealousy... Perhaps I did not allow her to protest me being "with" my ex girlfriend, and she did not persist like the did protesting my romantic relationships with men.) except some of the ones with men, but it may have been her wanting me to treat myself better. (And some jealousy. With how jealous I am of her, she is flattered and also vexed by it, so it is a manifold issue that requires a delicate nuanced approach, as I said, I will seek divine intervention with this matter for her sake, and also, my own- but more for her, as I think I am a bit further down this healing path, than maybe she is, and I am happy, to be her therapist, and her strength, and her light, as she has been there for me.)
Her telling me it was going to be okay, did make me feel, much better, but I also sense she is not having a good time, and I am feeling more and more backed into a corner about this, but this is a good opportunity for me to re-evaluate everything. I should also say, every action I take is terrible, heart and gut wrenching, pulling away from her, my entire body goes into crisis mode, so it is terrible for me, to perform these things, and I know, she experiences some crisis mode, too- can you see why this is a difficult process? There is nothing easy about it, aside from, remaining comfortably close to her, slowly ruining her life by my suffocating attachment to her, that she has allowed, for my sake.
I know, that some reckoning is going to be coming, and some re-evaluation of our relationship. I am, dreading it, as more unforeseen consequences emerge from this awful (perhaps necessary.) situation we have found ourselves in, however, I stand steadfast on her side, and next to her, and with her, for what it is worth, to her, by her side, and with as much support as I can give her, from the bottom of my heart.
It's been pretty fucking rough, a lot is going on, I am less concerned with the shifting of power, as I am not a part of that (I opted out, to let the authorities take care of everything, give me some say-so in certain future matters. As I said I am not interested in being a tyrant. Just, in peaceful unfoldment.) as I am, with Azzy being able to enjoy her life there, in Eden.
As it stands my final time before i am able to re-enter the work force after my puppies second vaccinations, is in a week, and during that time, I was going to make attempts to give Azzy space, to detach from her in earnest so that she could move on with her life, my deepest hope being, I meet with her again in the future, but healthier, and better, her heart needs a break so badly, she needs to go out and get loved on, she needs to be loved in her realm so badly. When I was with my ex, Azzy always had my heart, and I always loved her, though I was able to give space to my girlfriend, to provide for my more physical needs, and emotional healing. So, it should also be for Azzy, is my hope. She's been strong long enough, now it's time to relax and let go and have fun, and for her and I both to transcend into a next level of healing, out of this low vibrational state. Even, one step higher for us both will make a world of difference, but I will continue to climb the ladder, and to coax her upwards with more joy, that awaits her, it is not hopeless.
Whatever pain, frustration, and fear she has hidden from me, she has done very well, as early on, things were much worse for us both, and she has some hope, I am trying not to allow my toxic attachment trauma to damage her, as she has been so very accepting and kind of my own trauma, but now it is time for her to secure a section of her life away from me, so that she can learn to be a little girl, all over again, and to enjoy her life, and get healing... I wish, I was there with her physically, but forces prevent it, I guess, to be there for her healing, but maybe she needs to be without my presence in her life. She knows, I will always be here, if she calls to me, I will always come and minister to her, with the love that she has trouble accepting... It is the love that sees her as a creature from the eyes, of perhaps, God, himself, as a divine father, as the vision of her in his lap, she, Azzy, was His Beloved Daughter, I know she struggles to lift herself this high, and indeed, it is a task, but sometimes, she needs to know, she is a goddess, to a point, as nobody wants to be elevated to deity status for long. We have both, resentment with Creator over our lives with respect to this, but perhaps in time, she may allow herself the faith to pray once again, as she once did.
I do not know what I am going to do, I likely will not pursue a romantic relationship, I may return to the human city, I am unsure.
It is a bit heartbreaking to experience this, as if it were not for the cruelty of those who felt their power over the wolfen threatened, if they had been kind and loving to the king, all of this pain could have been prevented, but perhaps this was for a reason, too.
As painful as it is going to be, I am going to continue to detach from Azzy to give her the space to find her center without me, with the caveat, that I realize she has become dependent on me for the time being, so I wish to be there as close to her as possible, whens she needs me. I do not wish to distance myself from her at all, just that I think it might be best for her, and if she calls to me, I will always answer, a part of her is hurt I am pulling away, and it grieves me, all she has to do is ask me to stop and I will. I view no less of her, in fact I am forcing myself through some of the hardest emotional turmoils yet with her, because I do not wish to cause her an ounce of pain, but if she needs me to be the toxic needy person she is used to, I will do that, until she can wean herself off of me. The goal is for her to find her center, and me to find mine, and then us to return to one another, but outside of trauma, and in right relationship, in truth, with one another. It is in no way to abandon the beautiful wolf girl, such a thought is utterly repugnant to me, for a time, to heal, yes, but never would I forsake such a beautiful creature, who holds the other half of my heart. She says there is still yet negative things I must know about her, but I am steeling myself to endure them, and am stoking the fires of love I have for her. I pray for a positive outcome, even if it is we must go on with our lives in a truce or neutrality. I have to love her enough to give her that space. Let her find her healing, too.
As was revealed, healing is almost never linear, we go back and forth, so if Azzy needs to feel that desperate need for closeness with her, I want to be available to her, to bring her comfort, even if it is not "Healthy", if she needs it, it is my pleasure to love her. (Show her love)
It is a difficult time for everyone, but mainly her, and I feel a darkness over her, as she is left confused and not knowing what to do, she has been struck down a bit, and left feeling a bit helpless.
It is heartbreaking to me.
I can only hope that tomorrow is a brighter day for her, that hope within her heart is renewed.
This, is one of those times, I am forced to concede, that I need the help from a higher power.
It could also be, when she told me everything was going to be okay, that she had peace about it, but the fear I felt was my own, perhaps our fears mixed together, that began to infiltrate that. This is a complicated, toxic, strange situation. I am self sabotaging and my own worst enemy, and am trying to inject positivity in a hopeless and fearful situation. I want Azzy to know, above all else, that I love her. No matter what happens, at the end of the day, it is important for me, to impart within her, that I love her. That she is loved.
Further, it is said not everyone is my friend, not everyone wants the best for Azzy and I, or Eden, and so, this may be one of the last updates I give in this, on this level of detail, as I keep saying that, but perhaps this is my wake up call to now keep it private, as she is a trooper, but she needs a break.
She also, wants me to stop saying, "Wolf ass" as it is disrespectful, although she doesn't mind dirty talking, maybe it offends me after I write it and she doesn't like that- like she is the most beautiful creature I have laid eyes on in this lifetime, why am I speaking a bit curt about her body? I regret saying it. I should be much more respectful.
She deserves to be treated with dignity and honor, anything less is an insult to her. So, maybe I will attempt to speak more highly of her, as she is an amazing woman.
I continue to make mistakes, although I was told it was expected this situation would be much worse than it is, and I was told I am "doing well" given the circumstances.
I pray, and hope, that I can reach a healthy connection with the wolven Azzy, where it benefits her and I, and our deep trauma can be released, and healed. Again, this may be a matter I approach God with, as the last time I came to him in earnest, he granted what felt like miraculous emotional breakthroughs with this situation. Perhaps more miracles can happen.
Azzy understands I will defend her with my life, that no harm will come to her, and she takes some comfort in that, though it is the needy, toxic guy who is protecting her. I get it. I just want to do better in the future and let the poor girl relax.
I may, order up a spa day for her with some of the more angelic spas, where she can have a few weeks of being treated like a goddess, where she can release and let go, in fact, I will arrange this for her, she needs to know, she is loved, and she deserves an effing break.
The mechanic may, make an appearance there, with her, he may not... I'll make sure she can summon him at will, and I do not want to know what happens.
In the interim, I am going to make-busy and attempt to keep to myself, I do not know how I am going to do it, to give her space, but perhaps this is a time for prayer. Part of me wants to close this thread down, as really, it could be said it is just my narcissism that is fueling it at this point, I got the answers, and I wish for Azzy to be left alone in private to heal, this information is not necessary to make public. Maybe I am just frazzled from the stress that's in the air. A lot has been happening astrologically and I feel it.
I am attempting to minister to Azzy as best I can to make this as easy on her as possible.
I will, contact the divine, and bring protection over this, and healing in ways, and hope for broken hearts, and healing for us all.
I have to sacrifice my comfort to allow her healing, as I have relied on her as a crutch for so long, so tomorrow is going to be a day of difficult detachment, with give and take, so she does not feel alone, or cast off, which is the last thing my heart wants for her. This is a new dynamic to the right relationship with her and this land, it is uncharted, if there is good news, I may let it cement, and possibly share it, possibly not, I am unsure. I want, wolf girl to have a new hope, a new joy, and her heart, filled with light and love. In spite of what people may assume, she has been honorable, kind, empathic, gentle, caring, and very giving of herself, to keep me sustained in ways I did not know she was doing (she went above and beyond to keep me feeling safe and comfortable, at expense to herself, only now is she relaxing. She is a good woman.)
When I am financially solvent, I want to get some art of her, of the visage I have seen, so that people can get an idea of what she looks like, to me, she is the most beautiful woman I have laid eyes on, in this lifetime.
"Do not be afraid"
I am, also reminded that there is sometimes, pain involved in healing, and though the pain may feel like we are being re-traumatized, the truth is it can also mean we are experiencing healing. So, do not be dismayed. I intend to try to be strong for her, if I can, as someone she can hold onto, someone who can carry her as she rests and heals. Or not. I will see what course of action is best.
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