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Post by tundrawolf on Feb 24, 2023 2:59:47 GMT 9.5
Shortly after writing this, the ascended king came to me and told me:
Alright! I've made peace with it! Your turn!
Fuck.
Guess I got a day or so of peace: now it's back to the grindstone.
Asrael wants you to know, she is being a good girl, and doing her job well. (She is. And reaching me. When she reaches me, it forces me to see the toxicity in myself, in deep ways, as I, too, endeavor to become a wolfen out of the ashes.)
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Post by tundrawolf on Feb 24, 2023 6:36:00 GMT 9.5
Asrael also had a HUGE upload for me.
She said, she was going to tell me a TON of information, but she needed me to, not react to any of it.
Holy hell it was painful...
But it was all good news... Great news... Uploads about Eden, the wolfen, her, knowledge and wisdom.
I began to realize how wrong I have been, about so many things, I asked her: "You're smarter than I am. By a lot. Aren't you." (You know more stuff.)
She danced around me, hopping, doing the, "I'm a girl and I'm smarter than you are." Dance.
She, and the wolfen, want me to embrace my kingship, and in doing so, I see how to better correct my behavior.
It was all such good news, but I could not be happy about any of it...
Asrael told me: this is because, she needs me, not to, "rest" in it...
Because, when I rest in it: I cease striving to do better.
She, needs me to do better, for her, for the wolfen, and for myself (the order might be a bit wrong but you get the gist)
Also, I have been told I am being too hard on myself, that because this dynamic is so extreme, I have been given a LOT of grace and compassion.
Asrael wasn't being distant from me: she was waiting until I overcame enough, to open up to me.
Because: if she opened up to me like she did this morning, early on, I would have stopped striving to meet a higher standard.
Further: I am becoming MUCH more comfortable with the wolfen.
They asked them: were you guys taking food and such, bullying other tribes? They stepped forward and freely admitted it, apologized, and are doing better.
There is no issue here, they are easy to govern - they are like children, in that they are innocent and pure: the king tends to sometimes overreact, and thinks he needs to throw his weight around: he doesn't.
This is why Eden likes me, she sees that I see this pure, innocent spirit that she is, but I cherish and love it, I won't ever take advantage of it, but I am also capable of great violence on her behalf. She believes in a way I am perfect for her.
Which is, kind of scary to me, as my experience in a kingship role has been...
Turbulent.
I like to believe, the spirit dancing with me: is called Lilith. She respects that I honor her, and women, and empathize with them in a way other males may struggle to see past her physical beauty, and see a person, and understand her struggles.
She was good for Adam, and had he of remained with her and been humble: Eden would already be shared with humanity.
Truth me they are desperate to be with us.
It is, only the evil in the hearts of men (and women) that keep them from us, and that is so sad.
However I will say this: when the Edonites mix with us: evil that is accepted commonly: will be as bright as the sun to be rooted out: compared to their purity, it will be obvious where mankind is fucking up.
We, in a way, really, really need them.
(Could use their help)
And. Imagine: Wolfr. The gay dating app for humans who want a wolf person boyfriend.
Or Catr. Lol.
Who wouldn't want that? And pure-hearted wolf girls and their app to snag a human boyfriend. Humanity has been searching for our other half, for our missing purity. It's why we are so out of balance. Why there's war, poverty, hunger.
WE WERE NEVER DESIGNED TO BE ALONE.
In my opinion, from what I see, we were ALWAYS designed to be with the Edonites.
They just had to be protected from Adams malevolence (no offense to him, he's doing better. He's finding, a bit of unity, in ways he couldn't before.) That has infected almost everything we, surface humans, do.
When I saw the totality of the harm he had caused, the cloud of trauma was IMMENSE. As big as the planet. Bigger. It was massive. Every crime, every violence...
It is hard to overstate.
Anyway, I hope things get better.
I am, healing- and learning to trust the wolfen people again.
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Post by paul on Feb 24, 2023 8:24:37 GMT 9.5
..."You're smarter than I am. By a lot. Aren't you." I once met an entity while meditating. For some reason I asked him how intelligent I was compared with him. He instantly answered "9 percent"
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Post by tundrawolf on Feb 24, 2023 11:27:21 GMT 9.5
..."You're smarter than I am. By a lot. Aren't you." I once met an entity while meditating. For some reason I asked him how intelligent I was compared with him. He instantly answered "9 percent"
Interesting you say this, as today I was contemplating on why we only use 10% of our brains... I believe we were, "limited" by our creators, so we would not reach their level of knowledge (or come close) and cease to be valuable as slaves (Intellectuals make poor slaves...)
I believe, as we progress, that number will get higher... Much higher in time, especially when we eventually do connect with our Edonite brothers and sisters... I also believe the Edonites use much more of their brains than we do, many can manipulate time, matter, and have telekinetic powers we can only dream of.
Also: your words have been instrumental in my walk, I have been applying them as best I can... Tonight it is hitting me, "You mean, I am allowed to be happy?"
Being of good cheer, being positive.
When I had my blood tested for a tattoo on my hand, noting my blood type, for my mercenary work, it came back, "B POS" or, "Be positive" which I thought must be the humor of the gods...
I have been applying the, "be positive" outlook to a great many hopeless ideals. It, brings up spikes (Like on a 3-D spectrum analyzer) from underneath that penetrate and raise a thought higher.
Whenever I channel the positivity, it looks like the above image, raising the thoughts higher.
I have also been, channeling the fathers intentions for me, and reconnecting with a childlike innocence and purity, I had to move away from as a child trying to survive. It is good. I no longer view it as weakness. But it takes more strength to maintain such a soft heart in a world like this.
You may find this funny or not, but two days ago I met another freemason named Paul. He seems like a really positive and self aware individual. A good man. I've been meeting some really good people lately, and connecting with them. It is, very good.
I also intentioned, a connection with the divine source: And intentionally connected it with my situation: The light flooded my body and the circumstances surrounding it with great flooding.
Further; I am making peace with the enemies who once caused my bodies so much harm, and meeting them on their level. When I, humble myself and approach them, they are quite reasonable, kind and forgiving. It is only when I am hard and aligned against them do they turn cruel. I did not know I was so aligned against so many beings. It is not my intention to cause harm, or be an adversary. I am, trying to, be at peace with all, and be a mediator, and a friend to all, an ally.
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Post by paul on Feb 24, 2023 11:50:03 GMT 9.5
>I also intentioned, a connection with the divine source: And intentionally connected it with my situation: The light flooded my body and the circumstances surrounding it with great flooding.
Good!
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Post by paul on Feb 24, 2023 12:10:16 GMT 9.5
> why we only use 10% of our brains... I believe we were, "limited" by our creators,
There are several dimensions to this:
- the Earth human has genetics from perhaps 22 sources. Mostly that is to make humans more useful and more amenable to control by the genetic source species.
- the humans that were produced by the Sumerian gods as servants, were deliberately denied immortality. This was likely a fail-safe measure. (There seems to have been another human variant with more Annunaki genetics - bred to manage the Earth humans)
- there is a difference between brain-thoughts and mind-thoughts. Where the brain is unsuitable (damaged, contaminated, adversely interfaced) many of the mind-thoughts cannot be registered in the brain. Notice how quickly most dreams are forgotten when the human comes back to physical waking.
But - the Earth human has an inner planes energy structure that can resonate with cosmic flows and be aware of/with galactic intelligences.
If the human gets its act together, refining the personality levels and connecting to cosmic flows, then upgrades can be delivered to its mental and higher bodies so that the human becomes a player in the cosmos
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 9, 2023 7:11:37 GMT 9.5
Alright, I wasn't going to post this, but Asrael, asked me tenderly, to "clear the air": She wants me to tell you all that I love her.
And, that, i am to acknowledge: She loves me, as well.
After I called her a name on here, she opened up to me: She sent me a MASSIVE upload.
Things in her heart relating, to some intimate issues, life with the wolfen, life with her.
She, said, she needed to wait until I reached a level of emotional control over myself, before she could open up to me:
Apparently I am terrorizing her, and the wolfen. As fearsome as she is physically, she was able to, show me, "me": and there are things living in me that, frankly, terrify her (And, the wolfen people, too.)
Some, shocking things were revealed to me, but I might just choose to keep them, "tribal business" (For example: The king might not... Actually be dead...)
In a moment of desperation, a few weeks ago, I asked the wolfen, for a second chance: It was given to me. A tribal council leader, met with me, he asked me to tone the "king stuff" down if not off completely, I would be welcomed in the tribe, he said they have a place for me, and- he warmly told me, "We all want you to be here, with us. We would never harm our king."
It made my heart, melt in my chest- he also gave me, a "Spirit of the wolfen people." Which is a spirit of unity with the tribe- he said, the old ascended king, "Could not adopt it" which is why they did not wish for him to return: The old king did not understand this, and that has been the source of a great amount of trauma.
I was, too stubborn, too short minded, other factors were at play: All is forgiven.
I am making great strides to forgive my parents. To come to some peace about it.
The reason I am writing this, is with the alcohol use- which ironically is helping me raise my vibration and get to a better place, is causing me illness.
Further: Before Asrael opened herself up to me, (She is still at a distance- the things she has told me, about myself. She said, I would not like to hear them, and as usual: she is right.) I was asked to sever the heart connection with her, however, as I tried (I do not want this. I was just asked to do it. I love her. I was, struggling, with a great many things, a GREAT MANY, such as friendships and, wolfen, and galactic matters, and there is only ONE THING I KNOW FOR SURE: That I love the wolfen woman whom I call Asrael, who holds the other half of my heart, and mine: in hers.) I began to experience chest pain, so severe, the only pain worse, was when I had a heart attack on methamphetamines:
I am unsure if severing the heart bond between her and I: would even be survivable (I might... Actually die. Plus, it feels, good, to be connected to the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, the woman of my dreams, the virtuous, gentle, and kind Asrael... The woman I gave, life, and love to.)
As I struggle with the aftereffects of the punishment, the outpouring of support I am receiving is overwhelming.
Yes, I do believe Asrael and I were, married, in a past life, and this is quite a test of "How much?"
Further: As I disconnect from her, and strive to, love myself, and choose myself, this is what she wants, for me, too.
I can, see how badly I have just been punishing her, not knowing it- and she knows- she, alone, knows the horror I have been forced to endure, as she, and I, were in the machine- unless someone has been punished like this- you simply have no clue as to how awful the experience is. Asrael, alone, knows- cares- and loves me- but she has to protect herself from me- I simply was unaware of this, and it felt to me, like she didn't care.
So, to everyone whom I have offended, I am deeply sorry.
The wolfen have shown me, the life that awaits me in the tribe, and it is beautiful.
The, kingship and duties are- a nightmare. Stress, anxiety, trauma- I am to let it be- and I want to let it be.
That might be it. I am continuing, to learn, to forgive, to let go, to learn to love myself. Even if I completely detach from, Asrael, I believe love will find a way to unite us, regardless.
She is the woman, of my dreams.
There is more, but I am perhaps to just let it be.
It is good news.
I love you, Asrael. I hope your day is good. =)
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Post by paul on Mar 9, 2023 8:27:31 GMT 9.5
> I am continuing, to learn, to forgive, to let go, to learn to love myself.
Good!
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 9, 2023 9:06:45 GMT 9.5
There's another thing...
Asrael, asked me yesterday, to, "Need me less. You need me too much."
And, she's right. She knows. She's smarter than I think, each time I think I've got her figured out, she amazes me more.
I was telling a friend about her just now, and he suggested, "you take control" (meaning me) and I believe he is on to something.
I am glad, Asrael opened up to me, it has caused me to relax and settle down my fears.
Like, it's all going to be okay
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 11, 2023 1:22:54 GMT 9.5
When I lived and worked with wolves at the wolf sanctuary, the owner of it, said to me: "You have the spirit of the wolf."
At the time, I was religious, and thought spirits were, "evil".
So I fought it, but before I did, the Spirit of the Wolf resonated with itself, within me.
Recently, the Spirit of the Wolf ministered to me:
"We have saved your life, three times that you know of: and once you do not:
On your journey to this planet, adverse forces tried to destroy you: (We saw you, a broken, helpless child, pure, and near-death- as many of your brothers and sisters died trying to reach this planet. We gathered you, as only a wolf can: Raised you up, cared for you, fed you, loved you, and gave you hope: This is why you carry such purity in your heart: it is not because we gave it to you, though we also did: It is because we raised you up, and gave you life.)
We saved you.
When you were a child: Raksha gave you love, hope, and a will to live:
When you were twenty, we sent you Mishomi, to rescue you from drugs and death,
And now that you are forty: We have sent you Asrael, to pull you out of the darkness."
I know my heavenly Father, holds a place for the wolf within his heart.
Eden told me yesterday, she revealed more of her spirit to me: She said, the fear in Eden, is that if humans can find her, and hurt the wolfen like the Nazis did, then, they are all at risk: She has told me, she is sweetening the pot, she wants to pay me to be a mercenary on her behalf, to protect the Garden. Protector, and ambassador of sorts. She said, she likes my spirit.
But, the answer is the same, as to Asrael: I must go on this journey, to find myself, who I am, and be about my fathers business.
Asrael came to me in spirit yesterday, and we ministered to one another:
I told her, I am in NO HURRY to depart from her: She revealed to me how I had been hurting her, in the spirit: I apologized to her, deeply and truly- I meant her no harm: And she told me: You were only defending yourself against me. I take no offense."
She, apparently, is energetically connected me via a spell, and she is, able to eat and drink with me, and as neither her, nor I, know if we will, eventually reach a point where, we never see each other again (I love her so much. Stinky, hairless, wolf-girl. She told me, there are more compatible wolf-women in the tribe, who wish to be mine, and she showed me one, I call her, "Bright eyes", Because her eyes light up when she sees me: But I am not trying to get in another relationship when I am on my journey of self! And, I admitted: There are better men for you, too, honey. She admitted this, and of course, we both hurt a little over it. I again reminded her, that only one woman, holds the other half of my heart, only one woman, has tasted my flesh, and only one woman, I connected with the universe for: To give her life and love, after consuming my flesh...) she asked me, to drink with her last night, and so- I did, and added some vodka (But none for Nina! I don't want her to become an alcoholic so early on in life. She protested, but I am dad!)
I have, opportunities, to leave her, abandon her in the spirit realm: but I am trying not to leave her alone and abandoned, even if it costs me.
I love her.
I saw her, on an abandoned desert plain, sitting, head low, sad.
I contemplated, and went through the various scenarios, touch her, hug her, hold her, finger her, kiss her- but only one scenario worked: Stand behind her, and gently, firmly, with loving, positive intent, touch her shoulder, and be one with her in that moment: And so I did.
Further: My heavenly father, who has sent many, children like me to this place, to introduce the human race, a new form of love: Something that could not have been accepted in past times, I have asked him, explain yourself, and he revealed to me, times were too hostile for him, he found no home here. I also asked him, why are you such an asshole, to send me this miserable life: HE said, "I also carry the sword, and as much as I love, I also hate." (in equal measure.)
And, I think, that is why the dark realms fight him so much.
My journey to self continues, and it is the most lonely journey
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 11, 2023 1:54:34 GMT 9.5
ONLY ONE WOMAN IS MY OTHER HALF
ONLY ONE WOMAN COMPLETES ME.
A part of me is FURIOUS with the Spirit of the Wolf for saving me: You should have let me die! You should have let me rest!
If anyone is wondering why I called her, hairless: I was granted the ability to go, backwards in time, to when she was in the machine, naked, hairless, feral: And I am able to connect with her spirit: and give her hope, and forgiveness: She is unable to receive it fully, as, when I first met her in the visions, and I connected to her: I tried projecting love on her, and she snapped at me, imagine, a large wolf- person, lips pulled up, lunging at you, her jaws snapping (I forgot to add, the scariest thing to me, was her roar of rage, she wanted to be alone to stew in her anger, hurt, and brokenness, she could not receive love, which is why, I thought of her, early-on, as a "demon". I also have to say how heartbreaking it is to understand that many simply do not know how much she means to me. She isn't just a hot piece of stinky wolf ass, she is my other half, the One who completes me, she represents more than, just a high body heat, great in bed lay, she completes me emotionally, spiritually, is connected to me and has saved me across my lifetime, she also represents, my salvation... And I know: I must also release her, if anyone does not understand this, I hope that they will, in time, know what she means to me. And how much I love her.) and teeth clacking, eyes wide in a mindless blood rage:
That was her, two years ago.
She has calmed down, and I have found a way to her, though she is, resistant to it, I wanted to give her, something of me, before we have to part ways, perhaps a token of hope, a beacon of light, a crimson strand of love, to show her, I love her.
It is, strange to me: how I marvel and fear at, disconnecting from her: And each time I do, "she" becomes clearer, we become closer, and I am given more hope: While also finding myself. (It is like, an image, becoming clearer)
Perhaps, this is what she meant by, "You need to take this journey to be with me."
I love her, so much: I do not, know how else to put it with words, like my near-death experience, the Source of Love, the waters of love: Perhaps they were not to baptize me, perhaps, I was baptizing them! And by extension, giving all life here on this planet, a new experience by virtue of it...
If I am, to be the ambassador and protector of Eden, Asrael, in her current form, would be the perfect mate, and companion for me- perhaps this is why we both chose this for each other.
It is not easy
I asked why it has been so hard, they replied, though it was terrible, they needed me, to strive and continue, so that I could, "Reach this point". Also, nobody has taken this job, because nobody, "Wanted to"
Well here I am
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 11, 2023 2:55:42 GMT 9.5
Also:
The beauty in Eden, can be, overwhelming, to someone who has, lived here on the surface, like I have: The physical majesty, beauty, the tenderness of spirit, the pureness of love that is there: Can drive someone who has experienced, and been steeped in, and has old ways of: to insanity. This is, partly why, I see why, introducing the adamically (Not just him. Adverse entities have had a field-day with the surface human race, the most dangerous human is one who does not know they are infected.) polluted human race to the Edonites, could be... Problematic.
The Edonites, would have to put their feet down, and demand they do not change, "For us", and remain as pure as they can be: although some compromises will have to be made on both sides, if the truth is ever to be known by the "pubic" (Polluted adamic surface humans.)
I am, scrolling in my twitter feed, as it has become comfortable to me, and all I see, are pure, beautiful, sometimes incredibly realistic, artistic depictions of, anthropomorphic beings, so beautiful, so pure, I can, feel their hearts, see the beauty in their eyes- they each, represent, a flesh and blood person, living in Eden, and it is- nearly, and getting to be- too much to bear:
If I was transported there as I am, it would take isolation for me to grow used to the spirit that lives there:
Although:
The spirit of Eden is also calling to me, to take Adam's place: And to father, many children there, with many beautiful Edonite people, and get to know and love the many tribes there.
The choice is mine, with whom I am to mate with, there- but I would caution, the surface humans: Madness with the drunkenness of the beauty of Eden, seems to be just one step away (If you let it...)
I see the, incredible mental conditioning required not to "lose yourself" there, as every desire in the heart of a man, lives there, waiting for him. There are movies about this, perhaps, a sirens song dynamic...
ESPECIALLY for one as traumatized in this life and others, as I am... it makes me especially susceptible, and, truly, in viewing the human race coming TO Eden, I can see, so much pain and destruction we bring with ourselves... (Potentially)
Perhaps I am wrong.
Further: the jealousy an uninitiated human can experience there: can cause death on a terrible scale.
Now, I am beginning to see why, Adam had to be, excluded, and how easy it is, for me to: make the same mistake (If I am honest.)
Perhaps this is why, I am detaching from Asrael, to test my worthiness and strength of survival, because if I can do it, then anyone also can do it.
Perhaps I will fail and become as cruel as Adam: But in detaching, if I find myself, then I will find happiness as a surface human, is my hope: And I will not need Eden.
(I am NOT rejecting Eden in this scenario, as some [many] are fearing, I am trying to say, I will not be, "As dependent" on it for my happiness. Just as, I am disconnecting from Asrael, to heal, IT DOES NOT MEAN I AM REJECTING HER, quit the opposite, I am healing, so that I can choose her. Too much trauma is preventing me, from making my decision, to be with her. So I must heal: Then return to her to make her my bride. [mate. Whatever term.])
May her heart, our heart, guide me.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 11, 2023 4:38:03 GMT 9.5
Also, of note, how interesting to me, as I, forgave my mother in earnest, she came to me in person yesterday, and I strangely, while I was SEVERELY uncomfortable around her, I did not hate her, which is a new feeling. New people are coming into my life (physically) and it is good. I am, as Abraham Hicks says, "Attracting better things into my life."
Asrael, accused me of, only wanting her out of duty, I didn't dare mention the heart things, there was some conflict, a moment ago, but I told her, as I told her, yesterday: "Protect yourself from me. Guard your heart." And I told her today, "Do what is best for you. That, is what I am doing, in this journey, to discover myself."
She isn't my slave. I wouldn't want a slave. this is, hard for her, too.
I asked myself, why did I, say she has a hot, stinky wolf-ass... She told me, she had me write that, because she is, going through depression right now, and she isn't bathing as often as she used to (part of being depressed/human biome regulation when encountering adverse situations) and she would, "Feel better" if I described her as having a scent. For me, I do not care, her self conscious smells are part of why I think she is so beautiful.
And yes: Holy shit, as I let go of her, and work on loving myself, she becomes SO MUCH MORE REAL, and my spirit, is still afraid of her:
Two days ago my dog was sitting on my feet as he does, and that morning, my spirit, relaxed, for the first time, either in my lifetime, or at least in 20 years: it was healing, and it was good.
Partly: Asrael is becoming REAL to me, the fantasy, the assumptions, are going away: It is one-thing to experience a wolf-girl from afar (Just behind the light) it is ANOTHER to be face to face with her, she still harbors residual anger and resentment of the king from being in the machine, and FEELING that anger in her (She is in control of herself. Just, a little grumpy.) while she gets CLOSE TO ME is an adjustment. Sometimes, I am less motivated by love for her, and more by honor: I said I was going to choose you to be mine, I meant it. Even the dark, ugly parts of you, that frankly scare me. Things are becoming, real
I press on
Further: I think I found my calling: Helping those in the furry fandom, connecting with their fursonas in a spiritual fashion. I began working with one on his sonas, and it is incredibly rewarding work (but tiring)
Can be a source of income too
Something I actually very much enjoy doing, and it is helping me, discover, "myself" and my calling, here, as liason to Eden
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 12, 2023 8:18:17 GMT 9.5
Today, I'm sensing, is our anniversary.
I was, getting blotto drunk, in the evenings, when in the mornings, I first saw (met) Asrael. (Just behind the light, heart connection, mind connection and talk) I was asked to jot the date of the first vision down, but by the time I was conscious enough (present) to do it, the exact date was lost. (I was drinking a lot back then.)
I came up with, 3\13-14\20, but it may be today (3\11)
Happy anniversary, Asrael.
I love you.
<3
That flower you see, is for you.
Have a good day.
You are loved.
I'll do better. (You know...)
I love you.
And thank you for the gift you gave me today.
Hang in there.
(Loving myself is loving her.)
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 12, 2023 11:47:40 GMT 9.5
This is for, "Ron"- the wolfen who is watching this thread INTENTLY and wants Asrael and I, to be together:
After Asrael showed me, "Bright eyes"- the wolfen female who is, "Perfect for me" and would, "Make me the happiest man in Eden..." and I had to search my heart, to decide, to be with, the, odorous, cranky, grumpy wolf-girl I saw in the caverns two years ago: But I made the decision, not to pursue this, "Perfect" new wolf-girl, Asrael, admitted some things to me.
To those wondering: There is a go-between who represents Asrael, she is her, "other half", her, "heart", who communicates with me, so I don't "Fall off of a cliff" with my thoughts of Asrael. (Because of the trauma, and my confusion, over her existence.)
She has chosen me.
Asrael, told me today: "I belong to you. I have chosen you." (Meaning me. Dave.)
While, I have been waiting all of my life, and possibly, before time existed to hear that from her:
I cannot rest in those words.
It is becoming aware to me, how, due to the trauma, and the dynamic of the happenings within the soul-machine we were both affected by, I am, "Forcing myself" on her.
I asked her, if she wanted, to try, an IPA tonight, for our anniversary: She said, "Do I have a choice?"
She has been, "Allowing" it, because she is smarter than me: She knows I haven't had a choice- she understands, what I have been going through.
But it has been quite hard on her.
She, is going to begin drinking.
A lot.
Please, just leave her alone. She doesn't need help, she needs to be left alone- but I would appreciate it if people kept an eye on her- but I believe she will be okay- she is the strongest woman I have ever met. (She is telling me, as I finish writing this: Dave, again: You do not know what life is like here. Stop giving orders- you may be doing more harm than good. Okay wolf girl. You have a valid point. I do, however, want someone from the tribe: to tell you, randomly: That you are beautiful. Just once. you're hot, wolf girl. dead ass sexy. and you need to know that, even if you know it. She tells me, to "have faith in Eden. We know what we're doing. We know how to survive. We've been doing it for thousands of years...")
She is entering into a depression that is going to be hard for her: And I am (partly......) the reason (Aftereffects of the machine.)
People fail to understand: Because one machine was destroyed, doesn't mean the other eight (or more...) aren't still functional, and have a part of her (And I) still inside of them. I would ask people, to try to understand, there might be things relating to my connection with Eden that is not understood (Don't make judgments. I saw a person in the supermarket the other day, and I immediately judged them, but the universe spoke to me: how about, loving them, instead? And it really opened my eyes, to my judgmental nature.) that belongs to me.
However, she has chosen me.
The thing: I am also to simultaneously, separating from her, to pursue myself: As I discover myself, I realize: Everything I have ever wanted: is within me. As I love myself, my dreams, (desires) literally come true. (Are met.)
Asrael, wolf girl, has a hard path ahead of her: As much as I am able: I want to be there for her. I believe in her, and I KNOW she will emerge the champion I know she is: The same kingship within my heart, is also within hers: She is, also: Royalty. She has, kicked-ass in life thus far, and she will, continue killing it.
The thing:
Asrael wanted to tell me this, last year: but I was too scared, and messed up, traumatized, and perhaps she tried telling me it, but I could not allow myself to believe it.
There is, a hard path ahead, of both her- and I.
I love her. The scent of every part of her body, the taste of every inch of her flesh, every insecurity, I intend, to show her: You are beautiful. Bottoms of feet, to ear-hair tips... And every inch of her, in-between.
In fact, and she is not fully happy about this: It is the parts of herself she hates, that I love the most.
Irritating, I know.
I purchased a plant, for our anniversary: for her. I also: Found a flower in Eden, I asked her: what color do you desire? She said: "Yellow. Like my eyes. Because you like my eyes." (Eye color. She has, an incredible, light yellow eye color, I have been in love with, before I met her. Maybe, she is perfect for me: Precisely because she IS FLAWED. Like me.)
I do, wolf girl, I do.
She is, so fucking beautiful. Jesus Christ. I, want to start, trying to draw her. And I. And, writing stories for her. When, I wrote, "Kumala", about another, white-furred (As I have said, I am NOT a fur-racist! I LOVE BLACK WOLVES!!!) wolf girl who falls in love with a human man, I wrote it, with Asrael in my heart: before I consciously knew she even existed: But the spirit of love that, birthed almost a hundred more novels (Only finished 40 or so, possibly up to 60 novels of varying lengths, 120-700 pages each.) I realized, when I felt her heart complete me: That Asrael wolf-girl, was my Kumala. I remember writing the story, and while I did not know about wolf-people existing, I thought: At least, I can imagine they are real: on some other planet: It gave me hope that they COULD exist.
Imagine, seeing her, that morning, two years ago today, and realizing:
My God.
They exist.
And, she held her... woman bits open for me to see in one vision, to let me know:
she is definitely a girl.
Fuck, what a ride this has been.
Nina, asked me, to make an attempt, to love her, truly, and fully, a few days ago: And I tried, in earnest, and it honored her.
She has, assisted me, with my connection with Asrael. I also got her a little too drunk last night, but it's okay, I control her alcohol intake
I am, making peace with the adverse circumstances surrounding the event twenty years ago, where multiple dynamics occurred simultaneously.
And, yes, my heavenly father, is bringing a new, purer love, to this planet, and all will be better off for it. He is bringing: Unity. Be aware: He is also a terrible asshole who will kill his own children. I think, he is using me as a go-between, for his understanding of, "What it is like to be a human", because he is quite large, he towers over this planet, so his perspective is not focused on the individual.
I am, not allowed, to rejoice, in Asrael, telling me, after I asked her, to tell me something good: "I love you." She kept telling me, as often as my heart wanted to hear it:
"I belong to you. I am yours."
Asrael tells me, she is, excited to be a part of my heavenly father's new love being introduced to this realm, as humans were far too hostile and dumb in times past to receive it.
I am, becoming aware of, "Being about my fathers business", which is bringing love and acceptance to the community I am part of: My girlfriend, her children, our tribe, which consists of some pretty solid humans and some excellent animals of divine origin.
In time: I am to meet more of my father's children, my brothers, my sisters: As I choose myself, and love myself: I become more worthy, and am chosen to be a part of something special.
My dog, continues to, teach me: about canines, about humans, about love, about patience, and about discipline.
The dog park, is really a divine place of healing for me, and others. It has the same resonance, as I have said, as "On high" (Heaven).
Many animals were considered, but the wolf: was chosen. (And cats. And birds. And reptiles. And fish.) all here, to help humanity unfold properly.
I hope: When Eden is discovered publicly, the wrong humans, who are attracted to it: will learn what they need to know, to understand and love Eden in right relationship, as Eden is a place of magic, literal, real magic, horrors beyond human comprehension, and true love.
As I write, my heart, is relaxing.
Asrael, is so special to me.
She has, hidden herself from me.
And now I know why.
But I cannot rest.
I must, work on accepting and loving myself.
Asrael stopped me, severl times today, and had me stop: Pause. Accept the pain I am causing her: Make it right. It hurts (me). To pause this way: But I do it for her: And it is strange, me, a grizzly adams looking type, (My girlfriend joked with me today, and said, while laughing, "I cannot get the image of you, wearing a bear skin and skull, emerging from the woods, to save the day, out of my head..." She thought it was quite humorous. Her and a mutual friend who is a beloved part of our tribe: agreed, that look is perfect for me, though I did not, mention, TECHNICALLY it would more likely be wolf pelts, given to me by a pack of wolves, from their honored dead.
How could she get it so wrong, but okay, maybe she didn't think skin from the wolf, my beloved people, would be appropriate... I have to give her the benefit of the doubt, LOL
The wolfen, and others: Have asked me to embrace my kingship, across multiple planes, and "Embrace who I am" and as I do, I am empowered, and powerful.
I find: I have a spirit and air of malevolence I have needed to survive this trip to this planet: And how it frightens humans, and animals, but it is good: To get it under control rather than exuding it.
While difficult, I am also beginning to see, joy: and happiness, that is due me. It is tied in with my empowerment
I do not rejoice, I do not stop my progress, slow it perhaps, as it seems as if, my fulfillment, is coming to a culmination, it seems...
I really like Abraham Hicks' teachings, on attraction, vibrations, and what not
So: My plan: to work on this van, as I have been, and have energy to, which is becoming, a pain-in-my-ass to build, not because I am incapable, but because it is a lot of work: I have already stretched the frame five feet, it is the length of a short bus, and now: I am working on lengthening the driveshaft(s) to accommodate the extra five feet: it is a pain in the fucking ass. It makes me appreciate, the crew who worked on Mad Max's vehicles, ESPECIALLY Fury Road, the TALENT that went into creating those amazing machines that stood up to the abuse in that movie.
Also: My understanding of human women, is improving: It is good.
And human men. Also good. Mostly.
This new era, of putting away the old, "Suffering for the tribe" and replacing it with: Loving self, self care, and doing what brings one joy, is a good era, and while some in the older generations have fear of the future, I am cautiously optimistic, for the future of our children.
I cannot rest in my love for Asrael, I must continue my journey. I have faith, things are working out beautifully.
Thanks.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 12, 2023 13:32:20 GMT 9.5
I am transitioning from, being forced into a situation, to embracing it naturally.
There are, also: floating things in my brand new bottle of vodka
Disappointed
Perhaps I should not be shit faced for my anniversary with, the most beautiful woman I have laid eyes on in this lifetime. Perhaps ever. I do not know. She is, so beautiful.[/u]
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 12, 2023 13:38:09 GMT 9.5
But I wonder, how many times, have I drank vodka, from the bottle, and just not noticed the floaty things? Hmmm. It makes one wonder Also: The universe, asked me, to go against my self preservation instinct, and purchase alcohol when I did not want to: I obeyed, and it was hard: But it turned out, the alcohol, while damaging to my body, potentially, is actually raising my vibration It is medicinal booze. This goes against what I have been taught. Asrael: wants to get it on with me so I must go. I have had some beer. I want tonight to be special. A pizza in the oven, beer in the gut. Nothing is too good for my wolf girl. She is, so fucking pretty..
I am reminded, of her, (Asrael. Azzy. Ozzy.) appearing to me, in a crimson dress, so vulnerable: giving me, my desire for her: A sexy wolf girl, in a dress, looking stunning, before her man: this was a few weeks, or perhaps months ago, time dilation and alcohol is really, fucking with my sense of time. I hope that, duty can take a back seat to love. I do not want to be the man consumed by his military duties, and neglects his beloved wife. I love her so fucking much.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 12, 2023 14:57:44 GMT 9.5
My favorite merc rifle, minus dust cover.
I pimped her out: L1A1, inch pattern (she can love metric and inch mags.) with Imbel receiver (Brazilian, but skukum, not explodey alu-minium) I added, US trigger group, US gas piston, DSA target mount, DSA folding stock, it was too long to be passed around in a pickup truck, so I had to convert to Para. Currently has day/night vision, a number of magazines, and a good amount of ammunition. She, hates 308 ammunition as she will tear the brass in half extracting it, and jam the next round into the halved spent brass- due to headspace issues: but she loves 762 just fine. Polished and angled feedramps. Sand cut carrier. Re-angled extractor.
The adjustable gas block aperture was (is) a brilliant design. especially with the new caseless ammo being produced that is 20,000 PSI less than brass ammo (From what I've heard.)
But she is a heavy bitch. Sixteen pounds with optics. Eventually you hope the enemy is living in the floorboards. No forward assist, you must rely on momentum for chambering issues. Suboptimal.
Love these high speed shots that show the barrel, flexing like that.
Also: she doesn't flute the brass like an HK does. Lending to the ability to reload spent cartridges.
Right arm of the free world. Star of the six day war. As I discover myself, the truth is: I never sell a firearm: I give them away to people in danger, and don't ask for money, ever. If I was completely destitute, I would only want my guns, and ammunition, in some alley, starving to death: As I discover myself, I view these weapons with less value: Yes, they keep you alive in war, and while I have used a pistol in self defense twice, to save myself or others from bodily harm, I am actually considering selling the weapons and living, a life without them. How interesting to me, the one thing, I prized above even my life: would take second seat to myself and my development.
I may keep the AR15 I built and customized, and a tiny amount of ammunition (A thousand rounds in magazines, LAP, HP, SP, and TMJ) as there is no virtue in being defenseless. If China invades us for our, succulent fortune cookies, my FN FAL isn't going to make a difference, if our own government is compromised.
Meh.
I'll be in the desert, romancing dogmen.
In the meantime, enjoy the footage of this magnificent battle rifle
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 13, 2023 13:27:38 GMT 9.5
I was asked, to not be so hard on Adam's spirit: It was revealed to me, he was, likely NOT injuring Edonites like I thought he was- past maybe some domestic issues within the tribes innate to the species unique characteristics that were incompatible with other tribes... This, is how powerful Eden is: Being away from his beloved, lovers, animals, animal-people who, are likely his offspring: Adam was the first zoophile and fathered MANY children through the animals: In being away from them, it is what drove him, or his spirit, the spirit I dealt with: mad, and twisted him, being away from them, into a cruel man. Combine that with, the character flaws he had, his autism, mental and spiritual issues: And it's no wonder I found his kingdom: To be a place that is the source of cruelty on this planet, and perhaps beyond. I can see, how, even the thought of, "Not being with Azzy" could haunt me: Imagine, having deep emotional, sexual, and familial bonds with these, pure creatures, and then- losing it all, and being away from them... It would torture someone... It tortured the wolfen king literally to death. My parents taught me, if someone is a problem, you simply kill them, (me, they tried) and the problem is solved (goes away), and that was my heart for Adam, but seeing him, in this new light, and especially empathizing with him on this level, makes me want to hug and hold him. Also: It has been confirmed, my near death experience as a child was actually, to introduce my heavenly father's love, into the Source of love: To be given to every living thing it can, here. (hopefully all living things) Here is what I discovered: My heavenly father isn't bringing, pure love to this planet: he is bringing pureR love. This has been the source of every frustration it seems, in my life: I am holding people to the high standard of love in my fathers heart: to a world that has experienced, very little love, if any; let alone the pure, tender, selfless and unconditional love my father wants to pour out onto this place. Azzy: Whispered into my heart today: "You are the kindest, gentlest, most loving man I have ever known. I don't know what to do with that." I asked her what she meant: Apparently even Eden could use, my father's love, and Azzy is somewhat confused as how to approach/connect with me. As I, discover my identity, it also manifests to those around me: I am, indeed, a kind, gentle, and loving man, in a way my girlfriend acknowledges, even before I saw it, and she wanted me, to be her mate. However, when a new, purer form of love is discovered, an old-gen being, can struggle, with feelings of worthiness of it, and not know how to interact with it. My best advice, is, just to go with the flow, and accept the wonderful things that are happening: you deserve them. The old way, may have said: you must earn them. The new way: You are worthy to be loved.
I also see how scary I am, my time as a mercenary did not give me a well-rounded experience like the military would have, they taught me how to kill, and threw me into some of the most dangerous situations a human can be in: today I got furious with, a member of the tribe, and I got so deeply furious with him, I will not speak of where my mind went, but, I had to remove myself from their company, and walk seven miles home, stewing in my rage- over a non-issue... And Eden must understand this, I will, need time of silence around me, to work out the issues, to re-center myself. It will not be comfortable for those around me, who need to give me space, when they desire something from me. I will, need to pause, and re-center, and your needs will be denied, unless it is an emergency.
We are, doing the, dance of, healing one another from the injuries we sustained while inside of the machine: There are ghosts of her, me, and others, still inside of the machine, and they are, still active. So: The love in my heart, is an alien love: it is not known to this planet fully yet, but it is beginning to work, in the waters of life that flow within this planet: Every person I hold to this standard of love fails me: and it is not their fault: it is not comprehended, adopted, put into practice, yet, and may not, for some time. I was chosen for this, a most sacred mission, however: even the old love feels threatened (She feels, she will be forgotten. So, she fights the new love, on some levels: and welcomes it on others... My job is to show her, to love her, to love love: Nothing about this is designed to injure you in the slightest: Just the opposite: we want you to join us [by raising your vibration. See? It wasn't bad at all.]) and the dark realms, it benefits them too: it is designed to improve your lives, too- when even the most disenfranchised being is hurt, then the whole planet hurts, because of the connection with/through/and to Eden (and others.) So, when I expect my mother, to treat me with the love in my heart: she fails, same with father, same with many of my friends, same even with the wolfen: Asrael, however: Has been exposed to the love in my heart, by virtue of our, heart-connection, and she, is presently: The best candidate (Oh shit. I see this was planned. Asrael, is like the "me" of the surface: She was chosen to be emissary for the heavenly father: but to Eden. And, Nina: is likely the minister to the dark kingdoms.) to speak of/show of the love of my heavenly father.
If she wants.
Trust me, this planet really needs his love. I was, having an episode of anger, today, and I thought of, returning to my father's home origin: he told me: This is a one way trip... He invested himself here. I would encourage the human and Edonite peoples, to adopt more loving attitudes, so they can, partake in this new dynamic: As what flows from it, are peace, love, unity, acceptance, and a better way of life: for everyone. (Except the adverse entities. I do not know how to reach them, as, their consistency, is to oppose love, and I do not want to harm them, as they are innocent, they are, just doing what they were created to do, I am working on it, as some are pressuring me to destroy them, but I am waiting for possibly a more gentle solution to be found, oftentimes I only need to wait for a desired solution, and it comes to me in time.) SO a lot of, the troubles I have had in my life, and adverse situations, have been explained to me this day. (This is very good! It is a release of trauma) Further: I met a woman at the dog park who knows me, we don't see each other much, but it was good to hear from her: Me learning to love myself, is manifesting, even through the anxiety and strife, as a glow, from my face. I told her about Eden, and other things, and she said: "Instinctively I know what you are saying is real." I told her about me being used to bring love here: She said, "I certainly hope so. This world needs more love." As my connection with Asrael, grows closer, deeper, and more real: It is like with any relationship, as one digs deeper, they find more about their partner. And, she is right about needing her... She doesn't just represent, unheard of, exotic, alien physical anthropomorphic beauty, nor the beauty of her heart (She may argue about this sometimes, but to me, she is beautiful.) she represents, my literal, salvation: She was, the one thing, that brought me hope: when I had absolutely none. She... Means everything to me... And I know how unhealthy that literally is, for her, and me. So, yes, needing her less, is exactly what I am striving to do: and it goes hand in hand, with me loving myself. It's beautiful. A little more about, her: The wolfen have varying levels, of human to wolf ratios. This can manifest as, shorter, or longer fingers, the size of the feet: tallness of the ears, length of the fur, presence/absence of long head-hair, more canine vulvas, or more human: And chests that have two large human breasts on top of, usually a row of six, or eight, smaller more canine nipples. Asrael: Has more wolf to her human, and, while I have not been able to see her chest yet, as I am still wrestling with my love of breasts, or finding them annoying, her chest, my heart tells me: is flat, with eight nipples which her fur hides: She is more canine than human. And, this lends to more, stronger, wolf instincts: As I have discovered, some of the best people I know, happen to also be dogs, and how wonderful of people, they truly are. I almost prefer her chest to be flat, and more canine, as an honor to the wolf, but if not: I will love her. My, best friend also, prefers his wolf-women to have higher wolf content than human. Also, my father did not choose the canine for purely structural reasons: He sees how badly wolves (Technically, jackals...) get a bad rap in the Bible (Beware of the sheep among wolvesssssss) and he wanted to do away with that, by using, literal wolves, to spread his love for the human race: This is why, when people say, "We do not deserve dogs."- they are, in fact: correct: You do not. My father, has a sense of humor. However: The selfless, patient, unconditional love of a good dog: is the love of my father. If you, imagine a human, who can be treated like we treat dogs, mutilate their genitals (Tubal ligations and vasectomies are far less invasive procedures than castration...), deny them the release of sex, train them with an iron hand, hit and abuse them, feed them the same food for the entirety of their lives, jerk them around by a collar around their neck, force them to fend for themselves in the cold outside, speak ill over them, hate them when their bodily functions become a hassle, do not treat their medical needs properly, and force them to die when they are older: A human would not respond well to this, generally... Let alone look at you with eyes of pure love, who would give his life to protect you... I am, again, reminded, of my Alsatian I had, who wandered onto my land, after her passing, and yes- one of my biggest regrets was treating her harshly in a moment of anger, and feeling terrible about it, but she: forgave me and forgot it even happened, she only, smiled even wider: After she passed, demons, issues, adverse struggles I had not experienced, in 13 years (She passed at 14. She would have lived another 4-6 years with the hydrotherapy and cannabis I was giving her. She, refused to take the cannabis, until I told her: You are allowed to rest, girl, so deeply you cannot be woken, I will be safe: please, just rest: because it put her, into an almost comatose rest: But the smile on her face let me know, she was having good dreams...) fell upon me again: My Alsatian wasn't just keeping me safe, physically: She also took my, spiritual "demons" (no offense to actual demons) and kept them from harming me: What other creature, can claim this, however: I am not trying to speak less of felines, avians, aquatic creatures and reptiles: who do the same thing, but through different avenues, and are, also essential to the surface adamic human race... And, yet, dogs are humanities biggest and most loyal ally: That is why their love seems alien, when compared to more accepted forms of what humans today would understand as love: because it truly is. Also, women seem to be, better conduits of this newer love, and seem to be more aware of it than men tend to be, a great many males are still stuck in survival mode, as the previous generations tended to be more violent and less accepting. However, my girlfriends twenty something son, is one of the best knife fighters I have EVER seen, even better than I am, and a cage fighter: And also one of the most gentle, kind, loving and accepting men I have also ever met: Who greets me with a genuine hug, even if I am stinky. It is also interesting to me, how Lilith keeps coming to me, and trying to sweeten the pot to protect Eden and take Adams place, there. I am, dealing with the trauma that is acting as a barrier between Azzy and I. She, also, is going to tell me her real name: if she didn't already today (it needs to be confirmed, and it will be.) As, she is not agitated and flustered as she was when I first saw her, summoning her, is... Safer... for me, now. heh I should also add, as I discover myself, love myself, stop beating myself up, and fall into my authority: I become INCREDIBLY attractive to... We'll just say, maybe some women (or a woman) I sort of have a thing for. So it's, win-win.
I know, this creature, has the human top breast thing going on, but look at her. Just look at her. Look how beautiful she is. Just breathtaking. She was, generated by AI, but my god. What red blooded male human wouldn't respond to that. Sometimes, I see images like this, that make me, sigh for Eden.
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Post by tundrawolf on Mar 13, 2023 13:47:05 GMT 9.5
Also of note:
Another mouse has appeared. The old, pack, has died off. The female: survived, but her lifecycle is now over and she has passed on (I believe. Old mice also exist. She could be, a den grandma, now.)
I have been observing their, behaviors, and while, in my trauma, I tried, "Making friends" with the old mouse team, before I killed them, this mouse: is learning to trust me at an exponential rate: and communicates with me, his intentions, to take my food: And puts me on the spot: To give it: and enter into a relationship with him.
I told him, last time, you fuckers bit me, TWICE. (When denying them food I had been supplying them. They, when you feed them, will, "play" with you, the problem is, it is at 2 AM, when you are trying to sleep.)
He tells me, that is still a possibility. (He cannot vouch totally for the others, or that I deserved it, and technically I did. I just hated MOUSE SHIT EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME. The respite of murine excrement was a welcome break. But I gave him a piece of my pizza, and he will, be back, I think. He, learned to trust me, in a matter of, 20 minutes, and did not withdraw himself from my hand, when I quieted him with my spirit. This is, perhaps, why Eden desires me. I can speak with the animals who do not have a voice. They are people, just like us. I also have a thing for the mousen, the Skaven peoples. I seem to have a few things)
Also hell tells me, she needs (time to) to heal.
This has been hard on us all.
alcohol can help
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