The origin of my struggles.

[tundrawolf]

I decided, not to act on the surge of energy I received, when I began to sort myself out, doing the opposite of what most people would have advised, I went into the darkness to submit to it and stop resisting it.

It was on this dark path that I discovered the paper tiger there.

Well, as I had prematurely acted on an emotion, and then failed when I tried to execute, I decided, to ask the universe, if I should wait.

A number of dynamics I will not go into came up, including my relationship with the primary source of my oppression, my mother.

I decided, to rest another week. Partly, to allow the new dynamics to cement, the old dynamics to conclude, and partially as a test for other systems.

It is a strange dichotomy, resting when I have energy, waiting, healing, "wrapping things up" perhaps, as I am not entirely sure if this new path has been confirmed and energized, entirely, only, that, I feel, at least, the beginning.

Well, growing up, my parents, were brutally cruel to me, under the threat of death (Even tried half heartedly murdering me with a pistol, and failed.) while using religion as a means to horrify and torture me to the utmost degree, with threats of, "Eternal hellfire I will never leave, total abandonment by God, etc."

Well, I took these things seriously, these filthy dynamics being perfectly interwoven with my incarnation and beingness, no doubt with help from the reptilians, and believed them fanatically.

I was a, "True believer"

I suffered, and struggled, and tried, and tried, and strove, for forty years with these, wicked things.

The culmination of, the constant threat of damnation, always looming over my head as I strove "not to sin" all the while reeling from the vile mental, physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, etheric abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents, who were, "Chief sinners", now that i see, they do not believe ion god at all, not even a little bit- because they know if such a deity exists, they would be incinerated instantly at his righteous hand (And yet... they live on. Even continuing their vile wretchedness to this very day, unafraid of this, supposed deity, of judgment after they die, after sodomizing it into me for years.)

This is the second day of rest, and as I progress through it, I am beginning to see the primary entry of the oppression systems works in me, mainly the vicious, brutal, heartless attack on me that happened at the wolf sanctuary, a bittersweet, mixed bag, of the horrendous, brutal death of my old self, that has taken over twenty years- him being pierced through with the sorrows of false religion.

So, I see, the primary intrusion of this system, and the reptilians- who pride themselves on the destruction they can "Get you to agree with", in the purest sense, "You did this to yourself", their way of doing things, so they believe they will escape their karma, and etc.

It is CONDEMNATION

The condemnation found in countless religious texts, perhaps necessary to keep the neanderthal subdued within uplifted humans, until such energies as can be weeded out through neural and spiritual plasticity

I see this now, as the primary lie, introduced to me, to destroy me, or at least keep me ineffective.

I wonder, at how I ended up in this adverse incarnation, something wrong happened in a past life, which ended up here, as I remember trying, in earnest, to overcome the religious condemnation instilled within me: I could not.

Well, condemnation is a powerful tool, especially with the cold blooded, cold hearted, and could soul reptilians, who have zero warmth of heart, compassion, or kindness to speak of, outside of their schemes of manipulation (It is all lies, falsehoods.)

So, it was used against me, to place me into a trap, I have not seemed to escape, for over twenty years now, no matter how hard I have tried.

What is the answer?

The answer is to reject condemnation.

To, re-frame it from under the false lies of religion, and weigh it against the truth of my existence: it is a lie.

In fact, it is little more than a fantasy, in a video game: utilized by cruel reptiles, to create a physical traumatic trap of endless, perpetual horror.

It is all fantasy, utilized to wound physical beings. Gained through the access portal of trauma, and believed lies.

What a dynamic!

I cannot, help but speculate how many humans, are under this same form of trap, but are so unaware, it has persisted down countless generations. "Traditions"- peer pressure from dead people

I do not begrudge peoples religious beliefs, as maybe such things are necessary for proper unfoldment, but I also doubly, do not begrudge those brave enough to leave their shackles, either.

[paul]

>It is a strange dichotomy, resting when I have energy, waiting, healing, "wrapping things up" perhaps

This is good. The initiate feels when the tide is out and waits for it to come in.

All things in their time.

> the reptilians- who pride themselves on the destruction they can "Get you to agree with", in the purest sense, "You did this to yourself

This solar system has rules, one of which is free will. Dark entities that are not permitted to over-ride free will, therefore require humans to agree.

>I wonder, at how I ended up in this adverse incarnation

It looks like you have had a number of violent/military incarnations. Time to step out and up

>The answer is to reject condemnation.

Quite so - but there are preconditions of which the most important is loving oneself

[tundrawolf]

Sept 25, 2024 12:58:28 GMT 9.5 paul said:

>It is a strange dichotomy, resting when I have energy, waiting, healing, "wrapping things up" perhaps

This is good. The initiate feels when the tide is out and waits for it to come in.

All things in their time.

> the reptilians- who pride themselves on the destruction they can "Get you to agree with", in the purest sense, "You did this to yourself

This solar system has rules, one of which is free will. Dark entities that are not permitted to over-ride free will, therefore require humans to agree.

>I wonder, at how I ended up in this adverse incarnation

It looks like you have had a number of violent/military incarnations. Time to step out and up

>The answer is to reject condemnation.

Quite so - but there are preconditions of which the most important is loving oneself

>It looks like you have had a number of violent/military incarnations. Time to step out and up

This makes sense. The issue with Ladywolf, being the love of my life, then killed like she was less than animal, I can see "myself" killing someones beloved wife for some reason related to war/oppression.

It makes sense I was put in the USA with guns, and set to see oppression all around me, as I was once the oppressor

Other, horrific things, that culminated at the wolf sanctuary, the trap was, "Sprung"

Oppression I could not get out of, no matter how hard I tried, this brings up the topic of, "Lords of oppression" or, "Lords of karma", going overboard, who punishes them? If I was to terrible, why not just destroy me?

I have been thinking about it, those I wounded or oppressed, must be even more cruel than myself, which is significant

"Learn a lesson" why? Why not just end/destroy it, unless they get-off on watching living things suffer, which circles back to the idea that this is a victim universe, and you have no choice, like a prison and punishment planet, so why not refuse to be a victim and refuse to give the "Lords of karma" their kicks?

It gives me the idea that, the idea of ending my suffering here, appeals to me in a way that brings joy, why would anyone want to continue this pointless struggle, even if it had a point, it is too much. Is there any oversight for, "The lords of karma" or are they just a bunch of cunts who will never face their own justice?

It feels like, "All I have" is the idea of traveling back to California, finding a beautiful place, and ending my suffering there. What else do I have? Even the dogs are tired of being kept in a cramped little "home".

Even the, "Lords of karma" have to admit, they have gone overboard, and there's no other point just to watch a living thing suffer in torment. Is there justice in this realm? I see how, things are turned, inside out, and how I am the object of my own hatred, courtesy of those I wronged, or whatever. Being stripped and made helpless, at the hands of merciless and cruel beings. I get it, maybe that's how I made others feel. So, it seems my option, is, again, to pick a beautiful spot, and remove myself from the prison existence.

Step up and out, maybe that will make sense, but now, it feels like whatever "Karma" they placed around me is inescapable. If there is a way out, I do not see it, outside of self termination. Anyway I struggle with the energy, so what's the point.

It does make sense though, that all of my suffering here is from me being a sadistic person in a past life, nothing else makes sense. The incident at the wolf sanctuary, the endless torment, the endless, "Bad luck", the poverty, the victimization, nobody would endure this otherwise. There is no point. I still don't see one, except for some wronged being pushing their fingers into my eye sockets to watch me writhe, just for revenge, which I also understand, I want revenge right back to them. And the cunts of karma. Who watches the watchers?

>Quite so - but there are preconditions of which the most important is loving oneself

How do I do this, when self-hatred is part of the karma, and keeps their karmic torture going? It seems inescapable. Part of the wheel of torment. Seems pointless, outside of torture porn for living things. I hope there are greater, "Lords of karma" who will one day, put these supposed "lords" through their own inescapable, endless tortured horror.