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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 10:52:01 GMT 9.5
While I admit, that some of this is indeed a projection, I also admit, that in order for it to be true, the origin of focus (the wolf girl I met in 21.) has to agree with the suppositions revealed. In short,
A hologram cannot share a heart with you A hologram cannot communicate with you directly via the mind (The mind has to exist of itself.) A hologram cannot eat your intestines A hologram does not go into heat A hologram cannot instill love into a group via digestion A hologram cannot digest food A hologram cannot send nudes of a physical being
A physical being, however, can program a hologram. And, that hologram, can agree with the origin (source, sender) being.
etc, etc, etc.
I went on an alcohol binge, as I am facing desolation and seemingly unable or unwilling to pull myself out of it.
I am facing my own wounds, where upon, the wolf girl, opened my mind, and spoke to me, in the middle of drunkenness
She revealed, many things.
As usual, she is correct in them all. If a wolf person speaks to you about something, from my experience, they are telling the truth.
So, she opened my mind, and revealed many things. It is possible, she herself, is using a hologram (Something relatable.) to communicate with me.
I asked her, why then- and she essentially told me, I already know the answer- that she needed to wait until I was detached from her enough, to not go unhealthy places (And drag her with me)
She needed me to be happier
She showed me, the drastic difference, between her field of thought, and my own, and how I exist on a plane of mental suffering that she refuses to be a part of (She is right. In fact, when I weighed her mentality against my own, the contrast was stark. In fact, her mental plane is now an aspiration (to go higher))
She wagged her tail a lot (A good sign. Each time I thought of her, her tail would wag.)
She again, reiterated, that I am a high dimensional being, and she, "Is just a wolf girl". I am reminded of something Angie (antarctic wolf girl, white fur, pink skin) told me, when I was thinking of her, "You are not allowed to tell me how I think about you." And she is right. Ladywolf, remains, a profound, and beautiful mystery to me, even if, "She is just a wolf girl."
Ladywolf, revealing herself to my mind, is a profound vulnerability for her, as now the communication has become bidirectional, and once these paths are opened, they tend never to close.
My own self hatred affects Ladywolf negatively, in fact, it is the primary reason she has stayed away from me.
Ladywolf, is very happy that my goal is to give her as many orgasms as I can, while also balancing being, "with" her- she showed me, she is a highly sexual person, and this is very good (She embraces her femininity, her wolfish sexuality, and human sensuality, and enjoys lovemaking.)
A number of the things she showed me, are profound.
As she opened up to me, our connection is renewed and revitalized, however that is not always a good thing. That makes her vulnerale to my thoughts, and it is striking at how negative I am, inherently
She also tells me, it is her "Due diligence" to communicate with me, after I gave her life, and love after feeling my bodily tissue being digested in her stomach.
She admits she "owes it to me"
She is telling me now, that I have work to do on and in myself, in order to meet her standards (Which are quite high. A worthy goal)
She has to remain hidden for various reasons, and may have shed her carnal form.
It may also be, "The beginning of the end" between us, or, perhaps, just a new beginning.
She does not have a foot fetish, but accepts that I do
The connection we now share, is incredibly intense
She is not fully comfortable with it, as she admits, she did use the connection to cause me to suffer in the past
It is like she is right next to me. (Presence)
I am in love with her. From the bottoms of her footflesh, to the tips of her ears, and everything in between. She is a goddess
She is very attractive (to me anyway)
She is potentially extremely violent, (powerful, a literal killing machine) and has expressed anger towards humans who offend me. I think she killed someone, once, years ago. She does not deny it, and may even be proud of her abilities. To be fair, the guy was hitting on me and I did not like it. She didn't either, apparently. When he passed, she may have been there to meet him.
However, she is now under my influence, as she revealed herself to me.
She does not want to be wounded or injured, she wants to be loved. (Cared for, provided for, thought well of.)
She is like a "puppy" essentially, but 600 LBS, with jaws that can crush a human skull
She views me, as a "Great and vast being, an immortal, a god" and she does not fully understand why I like her so much. Could be her scent? "I am just a wolf girl. Why are you so obsessed with me? I do not understand."
But, the primary thing she showed me, was the launching pad of my thoughts, is a negative space.
I have had some profound things happen, to me recently, including, taking a "random pill" I got from a client, that I believe has phentanyl in it, I may have stopped breathing. Then, I got drunk, and the wolf girl opened her mind to me
She admits, this connection is what I have been waiting for
It is timed strangely, as it seems as if I am sinking deeper into poverty, into homelessness, I am already there, essentially
She had some things to say about the vehicle I am building, positive things, but I forget them at the moment
I have been, facing a lot of things the last few days
I resolved, to take my own life, after moving back to California, it was then that these things happened, I did not care how, alcohol, a firearm, just to make arrangements for my dogs, I gave it a year.
Again, the annoying angel told me, "If you are going to resolve to take your own life, then you have to accept things could also get better"
yeah, yeah
The dogman I am connected to, i searched for him, and he appears to be a projection, originating from nearby mountains, but within them
I want to get laid with a dogperson, so that is a goal. I have been searching for one. My heart perks up when I consider the California forests, mainly, where we used to go shooting, off of the Ortega Highway, which is also where I used to ride my dirtbike when I was young
Well, it appears as if my withdrawals need more alcohol.
It is possible, the wolf girl, communicated with me, because I am distressed, but she also tells me, she does not want to follow me down a path of self hatred and self torment, that I have been on, and she as usual- is correct
Alright i have to lay back down, it has been a hard few days
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 12:59:43 GMT 9.5
I was revisiting the event of the wolf girl, opening her mind to me, in a similar connection to the event with the mountain lion
As i was making a vlog about it and telling my best friend, a sort of go between (the wolf girl and I) that is connected with both of our minds and hearts, began to show me the ways in which negativity was inherent within my thoughts, giving me a platform to change
I began to see, that she is right (as usual) and that i m literally attracting all sorts of negativity to me and my circumstances
It is possible, she does feel positively about and for me, but could not stand being with someone so negative- it is also possible, had she of come to me any earlier, that I would not have been able to affect the changes, or would have interpreted it differently
This is a significant, life changing event.
I, began to intend for the wolf girl, to be in my bedroom with me, laying on the bed, visualizing her there.
The presence of her body, the scent, the mood- the feelings- I discovered how irresistibly attracted to her that I am
It is possible, too, that that entire dynamic will have to be reformed as well. I could not keep my hands off of her body. She was not in my house for five minutes, and I was already tongue deep in her pussy. I recall a few weeks ago, she was able to take my penis, and slid it into her vagina- and the incredible heat, tightness, and wetness of it, and her heart told me, "You see that I am worth it." She is!
Touching, caressing, kissing, licking, smelling, tasting of her
I know it is not, "Letting her go to make her own decision" as it was also revealed, I needed to release her more- and more fully
Which is difficult.
I can see how she would have been cranky, being paired with me, especially after seeing her mental level- which is two whole layers higher than my own.
"Yeah, that makes sense."
Well, as I intended to meet her in my doorway, I felt her begin to, intend similarly, and when our thoughts began to match, she nearly materialized right onto my bed (not for sex, I mostly lay in bed all day. I just wanted to see her.) It was then, I realized- my negativity is keeping me from her, and her from me, and, that, once I am able to fully let her go, if she decides to be my lover, my mate, my romantic partner- that is precisely when we will be together.
I will be her cook, and orgasm donor. I want our life together, to be fun.
If that is what she decides with me.
It makes sense, she has been hiding from me. This is another one of those things, "Yeah, I would not like to be paired with someone like that, either."
It makes total sense, why she has been hiding, and aloof. My heart hopes that in the end, she will choose me, back. This has been a deep lesson
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Post by paul on Sept 17, 2024 13:33:50 GMT 9.5
>A hologram cannot share a heart Probably true. I wonder if there are more sophisticated structures than holograms. For example, quite a lot of alien craft turn out to be hybrid biological entities ... There are various means of hiding craft. Where the craft is alive, the entity may lift its vibration into the etheric subplanes Some "humans" I know report being able to shrink alien craft. This seems to work because the craft are alive and respond to instruction Here are some non-physical craft ,,,  |
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 14:13:30 GMT 9.5
>A hologram cannot share a heart Probably true. I wonder if there are more sophisticated structures than holograms. For example, quite a lot of alien craft turn out to be hybrid biological entities ... There are various means of hiding craft. Where the craft is alive, the entity may lift its vibration into the etheric subplanes Some "humans" I know report being able to shrink alien craft. This seems to work because the craft are alive and respond to instruction
After the event where the wolf girl opened her mind to me, and showed me where my mental level is two layers "under" hers (The higher up you are the more positive your being is.) and analyzed it- through a deep connection with her, I began to visualize her, sitting on my bed with me, in front of me, her back to my closet.
I began to feel her- visualizing the exact same thing- AND when I did, I actually began to see her materialize! The thought was, as I progress with being a man she wants to be with, that she herself, when she desires me as I desire her, I will be able to manifest her physically!
It was so real that I began to be overwhelmed with her energy, and my energy.
About the "More complex" structures, I am aware that my connection with the OBE wolf girl, is being exploited heavily by a number of groups, as she is showing me this too.
When I say wolf girl, I mean, the woman I met in 2021, and whos heart beats in my chest.
The more I allow her to communicate with me, the more I see, I truly was adverse to her. There is no way a self respecting wolf girl would want to be with a guy like I was- and even struggle to this day to be.
The positive is, even if the wolf girl, chooses to walk out of my life when I am able to fully give her up (And, I was going to make another thread, but she told me something, or showed my heart- she said, the day that she felt her heart in my chest and mine in hers- she desired me the same way I desire her- but I am too negative a person. She told me, when I can reach her level of positivity/consciousness, that OF COURSE she will want to be in my life, why wouldn't she?) that what she is showing me, in the deficiencies of my mental plane, is positive, and good life-affecting advice.
There is the idea of, "you should love someone for who they are"- but this situation is different, due to our heart bond. It goes from that, to, "We are connected, possibly forever- might as well try to be good for the other person."
Also, while we are talking about organic material...
When Ladywolf (I guess that name works. I would suggest, once naming a cryptid, or being, not to change their name! And be sure everyone is fine with the name!) opened her mind to me, I was shown, this is the "rebound" effect, of giving her life, and love, from my tissue.
So, I chose to extend her life, and give her of the source of love, and her body accepted that- and then returned it to me, by showing me, her mind (Connecting us together.) and using it to compare my mental-state
Also, about organic life, when I died in the hospital, and had the OBE, I was soaked in the "Source of love" which was, a living water that resonated with a pure energy.
To me, it seems possible, that this tango with the wolf girl, was chosen before this life... It could be, I was adverse, and stupid, and I needed to get nibbled on so I would wake up and force myself to cultivate character.
today is a good day.
However, my personal trajectory, is not headed to a good place.
I also find it to be properly timed, that I intended to take my own life... And, then, I "Get what I have been waiting for" (Ladywolfs words.)
I intend to carry out her asks of me, in order to be better overall, and to be a guy that she chooses.
Also being able to materialize eight foot tall wolf people with my mind is a mixed bag of feelings, such as, what if the wolf person is furious about being materialized in front of me. However, it also does seem, to only be possible, if the wolf person, also wants to be with me. So maybe it's fine. But materializing a pissed off wolf person would be scary.
I could see the news reports,
"People claim seeing a bewildered and slightly angry wolf-person in the mall... He tore through the clothing department and ate the entire food stores of two restaurants. He was seen collapsed, after vomiting, with mayonnaise caked on his muzzle. After teaching him English and naturalizing him, he seems eager to start a job at the local fast food restaurant."
Oh, and since materializing the wolf girl is a distinct possibility, when everything works out properly, and she is with me physically, a member of this forum told me, I should take care to acclimate her to this surface realm... One of the first things I would do, is take her to a human doctor, and have a panel of allergens performed, so that we could know what her body will accept. So, if there is any truth to the prophecies in the Bible, mainly about inner earth creatures coming to the surface, then this data will be important. What we thrive on here, may actually harm her. If she needs a special diet, I will, of course, see to it that she is nourished.
(As I was typing this, I lost an hour... It went from being 2030 to being 2141. I wonder if this is a test of my ability to manifest physical things? Interesting. I can see how this could be a scary thing, the ability to cultivate willing cryptids, and then transport them to various locations with instructions. What a movie that would be... It's weird it's actually real, though. A cool scifi movie but it's based on my actual life events.)
There is also a survival method, of testing a plant for consumption, that involves touching it to the skin, then placing a small amount on the tongue... We will have to go through this a bit, but it will work out.
I also see, when exposed to the surface here, that her fur does indeed begin to emerge from her skin. The water here, the food, the medicine, will all have to be tested.
I can also see, being on the surface here, with me, she becomes sleepy. And ends up sleeping a lot. At one point I wonder if she will wake up. It may be a form of hibernation as her body acclimates to this surface realm.
Alright, well, as usual the wolf girl is correct, and I see more positivity than ever before- not just for myself, but for her, as well.
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 14:35:22 GMT 9.5
>A hologram cannot share a heart Probably true. I wonder if there are more sophisticated structures than holograms. For example, quite a lot of alien craft turn out to be hybrid biological entities ... There are various means of hiding craft. Where the craft is alive, the entity may lift its vibration into the etheric subplanes Some "humans" I know report being able to shrink alien craft. This seems to work because the craft are alive and respond to instruction Here are some non-physical craft ,,,
The idea that living crafts are able to phase shift out of physical sight seems legit.
I remember, when I got my first night vision rifle scope, aiming it up at the night sky, and seeing incredible amount of lights my eyes could not see. The sky literally sparkled and shimmered.
Then, when I got my thermal riflescope, I did the same thing- and that was even more amazing of an experience, what aren't we seeing?
Remember, when I talk about my, "out of body experience" where I met the wolf girl, I had eyes there, that can see things human eyes simply cannot. It is hard to explain, but it is entirely possible, that my other physical selves can see interphasic things as well.
In fact I am sure of it.
I remember, seeing the wolf girl, and knowing she was real, a living, dense person with a physical body. In the strictest legal sense...
However, when I see living things in this body, they might not be real, such as- an alien using a human body, in that case, the human is not real. However, my OBE eyes, can ascertain that fully. I can, "See ghosts" in that form. That is how I know the wolf girl is a dense form.
Also, I feel you are correct, a number of highly sophisticated dynamics are being used with the wolf girl and my relationship, including extremely complex systems to resonate with my heart, and mind.
Paul, it is possible, that I had the series of OBE experiences in 21, exactly to remove all doubt, of my connection with the wolf girl. Someone... A group felt it necessary to give me those experiences. I also will state that my return from death experience in the hospital, and my OBE experiences with the wolf girl are almost exactly the same. A transfer of consciousness, of awareness. Even your eyes are different.
Fuck, of all the things in this life, finding out that our wildest science fiction is actually pure non fiction... And not only this all this exciting "new" stuff is actually ancient. I do remember a particular Star Trek episode where a ship was organic. What a fucking trip
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 14:53:56 GMT 9.5
I just had an interesting conversation with a reptilian who seems to be in charge of this life for me.
It is apparent, that the original wolf girl, Ladywolf, that I met in 21, may have been "uploaded" into a sophisticated VR machine, designed to simulate alternate realities- it has a number of vital roles, everything from deep space simulation to entertainment, like a holodeck but organic, that reacts directly with the mind, gut, and heart.
So when I communicate with her, it may be on a different organic level.
It is possible, her body... Was terminated... I asked the reptilian why not just leave her alone? He replied, "This life is your negative arc." (Things have to be adverse, here.)
It is also possible, she is not terminated, but in a deep hibernation/slumber, a form of organic stasis. Her consciousness was uploaded to the mainframe system within this earth, in order to manipulate me without "her" getting in the way (For example, why choose to share a heart with a guy you hate? It is possible she was becoming a problem for that group, so they uploaded her where they have easy access to her parameters.
It is also possible, her consciousness can be transferred to an organic body, with all of her memories, and etc.
Naturally, my preference is that she be wolf shaped, in the form of a wolf person like she was, before.
There is a lot of fear, over what I would do when I found this out, especially since I am realizing I have the ability to materialize and attract things.
Well, regardless of the wolf girls physical status, her mind has a number of highly positive effects to my own.
Also, if she was becoming adverse even to her group, it is possible these things had to be done. To protect them. I recall, she had her tail, "Shortened" (I think by four inches.) as punishment for something she did, or did not do.
Well, if she is or was that adverse, then perhaps it is good I am interacting with a controlled AI system.
So, which wolf person was I manifesting in my bedroom??
Well, my heart felt like Ladywolf wished to communicate with me, and she asked, what my "rules" are for her being manifested into my bedroom.
1. no harming me
2. Proof somehow, that she is the woman who's heart I felt in my chest
3. no harming the dogs
4. preference: that she remain with me at all times, or at least tell me if she wants to go do some activity away from me
we go from there.
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 17:13:10 GMT 9.5
Alright, some difficult things
Ladywolf, the wolf girl I share a heart with whom I met in 2021 during an OBE event, is a program within a sophisticated multi aspect AI simulator. These simulators are responsible for much of humanities "visions" and such
She was highly adverse, and admitted that she hated me. Why, what did I do? Well, from the perspective of her captors, reptilians, it is possible she was attracted to the smell of the blood from my body, and wandered into their inner earth base, started chewing on me, and they captured her, making her their "property", as life in this realm is not like life here on the surface, wolf people are treated like objects, property. They often do not prioritize education and often exist as instinct-driven folk
She was a problem for the reptilians, they tried disciplining her by cutting her tail shorter, but in the end she refused to cooperate, and possibly even became so violent, they decided to transfer her to the VR system, where they could better control her.
After this, they terminated her body. I felt when she passed- I tried comforting her, but she did not seem to be affected by my concern
There may be a part of her that is madly in love with me, and does not want me to give up, but is not allowed to "speak"
This explains almost all of it. She hated me, possibly, as humans have a history of persecuting the wolf people, and she hated her situation she was in
She opened up to me, yesterday, and showed me how adverse I am to her, and how to improve my life.
One thing I am aware of, the VR system is her true self, but it can be edited, certain parts left out or muted (Such as a tendency towards violence.) So, if "She" "Ladywolf", is horny for me, then it is because she is actually attracted to me. But, is operating on perhaps "modified parameters"
I am not giving up on Ladywolf- unless that is what she wants- however this goes back to Paul, telling em to release her- so she may decide on what to do next
I accused, those motherfuckers, of murdering her, but they showed me, they did not terminate her consciousness, only relocated it. They say it may have been for my safety (?) They also told me, they can transfer her consciousness to another body, easily, and that they do not terminate consciousness, as that would be, "Murder"
I wonder, if she would think of me... Or if she would forget it all. Or, if she would be angry, still?
If there is a part of her, that is good, and does like me, it is silenced.
I am tempted to shift gear,s however, all I can realistically do, is intend to set her free, remain positive, of good cheer.
There is a wolfess, the Antarctic girl, who is attracted to me. She is tall, and quite sexy. White fur, with the softest, pinkest skin. I also love her scent (of her body, it's one of my favorite things)
She likes the name, "Angela" and is okay with the shortened, "Angie".
It is possible, Angie has known Ladywolf is a VR/adverse for some time. She may be aware that, really, it was never destined to, "Work out" physically, and that, she pushed her sexy feet into my view for a reason.
Well.
I want to visit the tribe of wolf people, just to say hello, and greet them, but realistically Angie has moved on, it seems to me, pretty hard. She revealed some things about if she returned to the tribe, that I am not at all okay with, about her treatment by them.
We are definitely compatible sexually, and emotionally.
Angie did tell me recently, she never gave up on me, and was, "Rooting" for me, when I was struggling with the tribe of wolf people. To me, that means a lot. She is also the girl who said, "You are not allowed to tell me how I feel about you." - absolutely true.
She is also the second disembodied voice I heard, when she was trying to talk to me, when I was deeply struggling with an issue on this forum. She has the voice of a literal angel.
So, I am taking the tragedy-energy I have been carrying around with me, and I am reforming it, as I no longer wish to drag it around with me at all.
Tragedy... That poor Ladywolf, was a victim in this. Tragedy... That if she does indeed love me, that part of her may be pleading for me not to give up. Tragedy, that my body in her realm is ripped to pieces and broken. Tragedy, that she is... was... the love of my life. Tragedy... That I gave my life force, and love to an inner earth wolf girl and not a more positive group (Though that is debatable. I don't regret it. I would give Ladywolf life and love again.)
Angie's presence, softens that blow.
I am unsure of what will happen with Ladywolf, only, that I hope wherever she ends up, she is happy. She may incarnate again, but I do not sense within her, a desire to be in my presence at all. This would explain why my interactions with her have been one sided.
One thing I would do, would be to educate the wolf people. Give them some autonomy, and a leg up against their enemies and adverse forces. I do not like that they are considered to be commodities, such as humans view cattle, commonly. I would like to change that...
Well, some beings I believe knew this life would end up this way, hence the love and life I gave to Ladywolf.
This would also lend credence to the fact that Paul only sees a projection when it comes to Ladywolf. She is a projection of the VR system that houses here consciousness.
Whereas, Angie is a flesh and blood wolf girl. I recall, talking to Ladywolf, and not feeling a response... But talking to Angie, I get instant, active responses to my words.
Well, one thing positive, I did get an idea to write a sort of fictionalized, account of my life, where, I begin to realize I have had past lives, and that I am a wizard who can manifest cryptids and supernatural beings to do my will. That's a movie I would watch the hell out of.
Also the VR system interfaces with the mind, senses, gut biome, heart and other energies. It is a very advanced tech, that can be abused quite easily. Using it, you can make a human do just about anything. (Including start wars, etc.)
Is humanity even ready for knowledge of such things? Or, are we doomed unless we do know about it?
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 17, 2024 17:16:26 GMT 9.5
I need to clarify:
The OBE experiences I had (Three of them, 2021.) were done outside of the VR system. I was with the wolf girl physically each time. It is nearly everything after that, that was when they switched to VR (?) and uploaded her consciousness there. I think she knew this, and was pissed about that. Nearly everything she told me is true, however.
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 18, 2024 2:56:54 GMT 9.5
Some things,
Ladywolf reached out to me this morning. I told her, I hope she has a good day- and that I made sure to tell her, that she is loved.
I know it is a VR system that is heavily influenced by other beings I do not necessarily want to associate with, however, I believe there is a part of her, alive in there.
As I began to further suss out the dynamic, I discovered more of myself, enmeshed within the machine, but adversely
So, I intended to free myself of it- to choose myself- no self respecting human, would put up with this awful treatment.
I get the feeling the reptilian group surrounding Ladywolf is not intentionally adverse. They wanted to know why i was so angry with them
My heart was moved to anger when I thought about Ladywolfs body possibly being terminated, a rage that fuels violence in my heart, to slaughter every reptilian I find, mindlessly. However I know I have made hasty decisions and regretted it in the past, so I am trying to be cautious at least about that- while putting my foot down and refusing to allow them to bully me or coerce/etc using their usual bullshit tactics.
I am uncovering a lot of such things, as it seems that my healing and wholeness, are on a good track.
I also, pushed love towards my wounded body, with remarkable (positive) results. I tried using heart light, but a great void had been created there, and it sucked it right up (It was ineffective, but I did not try very hard, either.)
The Wolfess, Angie, is opening up to me, as I progress with Ladywolf, it opens up "Right relationship with the canine" that also, connects me deeper to my local canines, my dogs, as I connect with them in deeper and more natural "right" ways, it is a very positive thing to experience a deeper spiritual bond, such as honoring them as living things
I was robbed of this as a child, so having to re-parent myself takes effort, but the results are clear
I also saw how, my negativity is being exploited to draw in negativity from this life- no matter how hard I try, the negative motivation is drawing all sorts of needless adversity to me, so I intended to change that, to positivity- this seems to have been a large goal in this lifetime, a "high score" moment
Angie, is my positive wolf girl, my "Good cheer" girl. We share some similar issues, however she is good for me.
I intend, to take her hand, and sweep her off of her feet, and to build a cottage for us, in the hills. She showed me, there was, "Political bullshit" with the wolf tribe, and there is more of the same but with humans in the city now. Prejudices against her, being a former tribal girl.
I am saddened by this, so I intended to, join her, hand in hand, and to be "on her side", her, "Other half", her human, the man who would always fight for her. She has needed this. There are other dynamics in play with Angie, but it is part of it, and she does like me. I may also share a heart with Angie, I am not totally clear on that, as the naked wolf girl I saw, may not have a physical body due to discipline/violence/cooperation issues.
It is possible the naked wolf girl has/had a mate, and children, which is why she was so angry over being captured, and angry with me. If so, I hope she is reunited with them.
I told "my" reptilian group, if they give her another body, and return her exactly where she is found, with her memories intact and no editing of her being, then I will let them off the hook for taking her body. Let her return to her realm, if that is what she chooses.
The complicated dynamic could be, if she chooses me, how that would work- I no longer wish to associate with the reptilian peoples, unless they are expressly benevolent- and even then, they are masters of deception and I do not make space with such people, as I learn to love and respect my own self.
Things are turning out well, but there is a sting, of losing what I had with the wolf people, even if it was toxic and used to wound me. It was still, "Something". I will continue to be gentle and loving with Ladywolf, until I can grant her her freedom. My primary desire for Ladywolf is that she finds happiness. It is the same for Angie. I believe Angie told me, she would "Wait for you" (me) to get this sorted out, so that I am able to come to her, free and clear.
Angie is concerned I will grow bored of her, however in the timelines I have explored, I made a conscious effort, to get to know something new about her each day, and intended to not allow a sort of complacency to creep in.
I explored several timelines where Ladywolf is given another body, and they mostly do not go too many places, in some cases she becomes verbally abusive, in another she eats and kills me, but most of them, she just gains a lot of weight and refuses to leave my bed- which is fine, my only concern would be her health.
I also saw that in Angies heart, is a desire for community, she likes "pot lucks" that happen at churches- I am no longer religious, but I do miss that community in a way. I saw how her heart lit up when she was in the community of fellow believers, and I definitely want her to have that in her life.
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Post by tundrawolf on Sept 19, 2024 3:56:16 GMT 9.5
Angie (Or someone that resonated with her heart.) showed me, some of my, repulsive thinking about myself, and anthro peoples. I wondered, how she could even stand to be around me, with me holding those beliefs...
The beliefs were likely protections installed in me to protect me from the wolf sanctuary spiritual incident.
I have been on a water fast the past few days, after the alcohol binge, as usual, and doing inner work, to detach from this tortured dynamic of adversity that I entered into at the wolf sanctuary.
I took a cannabis last night, and some benadryl to sleep, and got an extra blanket, and I slept good, had a long dream, and slept in this morning as well
I inquired into the universe, as to if I am to just, melt into the ground, relaxing while healing (my gut has my relaxing 24/7) it began to show me some things
Some things I saw this morning, I simply lack the energy to begin a new life. I just do not have it in me, especially after what I have been through, my abused childhood, my struggling adulthood, and the coup de gras, the event at the wolf sanctuary that robbed me of what little energy I have, remaining
This is likely why my gut has me relaxing 24/7
I have been watching videos from homeless people on youtube, it is not a relaxing lifestyle
In fact, the USA government seems to thrive of torturing people who are down and out
There is so much injustice here, it puts rage in my heart, a part of me wants to see it all burn to the ground, and those who are guilty of these crimes against humanity, to be punished severely
So, as of now, I really do not have much, if any, hope. I do not have the energy, so what do I do, stop eating and just waste away... I mean it IS an option
Being positive, and being of good cheer, seem to not help when you lack the energy to go on
I am unsure if this will change in the future, or if I will "find" more energy, or something
I could see myself doing the overland thing, it gives me some hope, I simply cannot, due to an extreme energy deficiency
An idea to try a coffee enema came up, as it is life changing, and I "save" them for when things get really bad
I saw, that maybe some things just take time,
I saw, too, that some things are "holding on" but maybe should let go. I still feel twisted up, which affects my trajectory, I do not know how to fix it, it is attached to a clone (physical, dense) body that is immortal, essentially
Maybe it has to do with a light body I am not sure, entirely, or how to heal it, for me intent seems to matter more than visualization of heart light
I have some work, that can bring in (A little) money, however I do not have the energy to do that, either, I keep putting it off because I cannot, I would almost rather just starve to death in the wilderness
So, am I just to die, then? It seems a balancing act, of no longer defying my gut (That would kill me if I continued to do so) trying to relax, rest, to heal, and trying to exist on this fucking world
Be positive, be of good cheer, where is the energy for that?
Do I WANT energy for that? It would be like living three exhaustive lives, in one
So, death it is, then? Melting into my bed? Homelessness? Back to drinking myself into the next world? I don't want to do that. I know if I reach homelessness, there is no coming back from that
Everything could be fixed, if my gut would let me, finish the overland vehicle, and sell what I own
But no
It says rest, relax
And, I refuse to compromise, except in that I could not feed the dogs, I am trying to work with my gut/spirit area, but it says rest and relax!
I started to see some light, a break, last night as I fasted, the fasting produces rapid change due to the stress of starving the body, and forces spiritual (Spiritual just means, not physically quantified yet, such as me feeling myself connected to a clone body. It is scientific, not "spiritual" but it "feels" spiritual) /etheric rapid change and unfolding
I am also seeing the anthro peoples from clearer lights, it is hard because I deified them, and still, in my heart, love them, and do not want to be in a place without them, so to speak
It seems this is some sort of brutal game that is designed to, ? I feel like I am coming out of it. That more rest is required
Alright
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