Effects of healing form my experience

[tundrawolf]

So, the most brutal groups, are the ones that know, the worst tortures are ones you do to yourself (nobody can torture you to the depths of horror that are inside of you.)

This has been one of the biggest difficulties I am discovering, is healing from, allowing another group control of my life. Over time, after the OBE where I met the wolf girl, (An extremely positive experience, all of them.) I began to realize, I, "gave" them, access and authority over me,

So-

I can, "take" it back (If I already did not have it back, already!)

Well, where am I at. I have released the wolf girl, as much as I can, which is a major step. The adverzse group or groups, about the, "oppression system", had my own well-being tied up with, a desire, connection, and love-for, wolf and animal people, as they had me in an adverse lifetime where I was completely devoid of proper human affection, while having a deep desire to be loved.

Hence the trap of the wolf girl.

Well, things have been changing outside of me.

I left a voice message to my best friend, trying to raise myself to positivity with him, as he is sort of along this journey with me.

I came up, with a good analogy, and it ties in with a thought that ocurred to me this morning, about the bare skinned wolf woman in the caverns I met in 21.

I likened it, to,

If i had a clone body consciousness anchor, who was in a terrible place, very hot, no water, he is suffering in pain- but he is immortal...

I was born in this condition, surrounded by angry, hateful spirits that were trying to get to me.

They "got" me at the incident at the wolf sanctuary, and my external-and internal circumstances grew extremely adverse, until 2021.

Well, as I am releasing the girl, and coming back to myself, it also releases, the adverse groups hold on me, holding me in pain.

Things have been changing for the positive, "around" me.

(It is possible the adverse group "found" my clone body, that I was to use to affect positive change. If I did this, dark forces would be evicted from this world, and they did not want that, so they set a trap to me. ow, the benevolent group I am attached to, has possibly found me, and is helping me leave this adverse slave dynamic.)

Usually, I was fighting for things to change, "within" me.

This is an entirely new concept for me, as a person.

I went to bed, wondering, what was going to come, today...

As, I have had severe depression for over forty years, which only began to break after age 40 when I found happiness in a van, and then got rid of my religious chains. 

I have gone through many "Dark nights of the soul", fearful deconversions, and etc, to go with, the torment I was shoved into at the wolf sanctuary.

All of this is new to me.

I have been, using positivity as a weapon, and intending to, "Be of good cheer" which is having profound effects against the oppression system.

Well, I am in a somewhat tenuous situation where I am at, living with hateful, adverse people, economically vulnerable- with an inability to continue working on society.

What is to come? Desolation? Etc.

I have some hope, however, as I am finding out, a different trajectory, may be brewing- so I put it ll on hold, and began to rest.

I began listening to my gut area, which warned me- if I continue doing things I hate, it is going to kill this body, and I knew it was not an empty threat.

So, I began to alow it to guide me, rather than ignoring it, and beating it down.

I began to wonder, is my destiny, to just, melt into my bed? Fuck off my entire life until I become some sort of fungus?

I discovered an answer within me for a positive future- but I would nto even be allowed to pursue that!

So, back to melting.

If there is a god, or a benevlent force that gives a shit about me, I began to trust the universe for it.

So, I went to bed last night, wondering- what would come this morning? As my external circumstances ("Spiritually", essentially...) are changing, away from adversity.

Well, I ate some decent food, fed the dogs, wrestled and cuddled with them, had a wank to some nice porn, drank a decent quality of caffeine (about 320mg), and then, felt like, I should take a nap.

As, I have been staying up, listening to my gut, and have had maybe 15 hours of sleep the last 2 weeks (I am not tired.)

So, I began taking a nap, and instead had a series of deep, cleansing, healing sleeps.

I began to realize, I am in the, "Sleep" phase of healing. I also, early on, before I saw the attractive hairless wolf girl, I would feel, adverse "spirits" "leave" me, usually- after a good nap or sleep, it seems that they are attracted to exhaustion, for me, at least.

So, what does the future hold?

Well, armed with the weapons Paul gave me, I don't see much more adversity in my future, even if I become destitute/completely homeless with no possessions. Do I want this, no, especially when I have a nine digit business idea, within easy grasp- just not the energy to do it, as the oppression system has been feeding off of my energy- which is also my life force. My gut person unwilling to force me to keep going in spite of it- and me, learning to listen to its guidance.

Well, that's where I am at, today.

The positive news, is, the door to finishing the overland vehicle I am building, is now open. Do I have a surge and innate drive to run, through the door? o. I am just acknowledging it is open. I no longer force it. It seems, right now, I am in a deeper phase of rest. Trusting, the universe. not allowing motivation to spring forth from fear.

Learning to allow myself to become centered before I act. (Which seems to be the most important thing.)

I see more unhealed areas, hijacked by the oppression system, and struggle to gain hold to heal them, however, it may be more of a, "Surrender and release control" again to allow them to be healed outside of myself.

Also, about the hairless wolf girl, she may have been angered by her situation, however, the reptilians, when I test their hearts- they did not kill her, more likely, she (just her consciousness. It takes up less space than her physical body.) is in stasis of some kind. I do not think "death" happens in these realms like we understand it. Not to mourn her. It is plausible, the oppression system actors, used the wolf girls anger and sadness, to torment me, which, was worse than my own torment, due to my feelings for her- and exploited to torment me worse than I could torment myself.

This entire thing is also teaching me, to learn who I am. Such as, the person who was shot with a shotgun in ancient times, exposing their organs, that were studied, and used for medical sciences.

[tundrawolf]

A few things,

The event at the wolf sanctuary, was well planned and horrific, and it is not over yet, it seems every evil thing planned for me is coming true, though I have begun to deviate from this, arrested path.

I have begun to steel and isolate myself, as these groups seem to thrive of horror and tragedy, (Such as torturing the love of your life to death in front of you in the worst ways possible, then berating you as they torture you to death)

It seems as if the beginning of the positivity or hope around me, is not the end, but only the beginning, I have a ways yet to go, and more uncertainty. I am seeing multiple possibilities, with the overland vehicle, and with other things- while using an attitude of not caring about the outcome- and prioritizing myself, and my healing, while allowing my inner self to help guide me.

Woudl my inner self have allowed me to agree and surrender to the events at the wolf sanctuary- I am unsure, no, yes? The redeeming factor is, the person I used to be, is not someone I would want in control of this life- not at all. So it remains hard to label as good or bad, as it is having a sort of effect of purification.

Still, unsure of what it amounts to, "in the end' onyl that the reverse psychology of allowing, and not forcing, seems to bear fruit- however the fear of allowing, is hard not to act on, for example, why am I not selling my possessions to gain a little more monbey to prepare for the future- why am I just relaxing and not allowng fear to have a hold on em at all, even if it means desolation?

Counter intuitive, however, the counter intuitive thing is where the answer is. An outside observed would likely disagree, but i have to be true to myself. It is also true, the problem was counter intuitive, who would give up their eternal future for some moments of physical pleasure, that were available to you always, anyway, in a better way, if you pursued it in honor, rather than a "selling yoru soul" dynamic.

So, not letting fear creep up in my heart

[tundrawolf]

And humiliation.

"You say a mountain lion connected with your heart and said it wanted to mate with you? hahaha it was just a hologram! (I actually don't think so. Or, it is one of the most clever AI systems in existence, that can "even fool the elect")

[paul]

>Or, it is one of the most clever AI systems in existence, that can "even fool the elect"

Having at least two hypotheses promotes discovery and learning

Having only one hypothesis is uncomfortably close to religious belief


I am reminded of a being I met while meditating. He seemed good to me. For some reason I asked him: How intelligent am I compared with you?

He instantly answered: 9%

That put my own understandings in a better perspective