What is even real.

[tundrawolf]

I am thankful for some clarity, regarding the wolf woman I met in an out of body experience, however, given the events I am struggling to decypher, I have... More questions now than I have answers.

*During the event/attack on my clone/emotional body at the wolf sanctuary, I felt, deep, inhuman hatred against me. Was this, the wolf woman? What had I done to attract so much hatred?

*If I was an asshole in my past life, where the wolf woman, and I were a mated pair, then that CHECKS OUT, with who I, "Used to be" before receiving downloads on "right relationship" shortly after I turned 40. It lines up! it makes sense! It would not surprise me, if I was a rapacious, cruel and selfish man who victimized and abused the wolf woman.

*Did she... Die a few weeks ago? When I felt the palpitation in my heart? How did she die? Was it her choice? Was it that awful, possibly being attached to me, again? Or was it done for another reason? I have been in tears, thinking, this amazing woman, is no longer alive. She... Was the only light in my life in a maze of infinite black darkness... I cannot even begin to put into words, what she means to me.

*Was she being used, to keep me in an adverse situation, possibly one, that she herself was a willing participant in?? I need to say, none of these posibilities, changes the way I feel about her.

FACTS.

1. I left my body and was transferred to meet her physically. She, seemed shy, hiding just behind the light that surrounded me. Nervous. Perhaps, ashamed, even. I saw her, with true eyes that confirm physical things better than human eyes could. Supernatural. She exists. I met her.

2. I felt her heart, beat in my chest, during the second out of body experience. Between out of body experiences, I had to, be "calm" enough to receive the other OBE. After the first OBE, when I met her- the most beautiful woman I have seen in my lifetime, it took WEEKS to cam down enough to be able to receive the second OBE where our hearts were connected together.

3. In the third OBE, after calming down from the second, I was again transported next to her, and our heads were connected, and I learned, she was angry with me, and angry with an idea of a God that would allow someone like I used to be, to have authority over her, and, she did not want to leave her reptilian group.

These are facts, these things, happened, these are not, implanted memories or things that even can be manipulated.

So, she is angry, but, why? The memory of creating her, seems to be persistent, has five energies attached to it, and explains a lot, and if I was a horny guy who wanted a sex slave, it would stand that she eventually grew tired of that, especially if I was becoming physically abusive when she would protest, or plotted to destroy me, in what happened, at the wolf sanctuary, to get out of the "contract" with me.

Why, why let me feel her heart in my chest... To keep me ensnared and entangled with her?

I was told, "Assume nothing" about her, and, "Try not to fall in love with her." which was like asking a fish not to be wet when in water.

Okay?

Is she... Gone, now?

I have been weeping about it, my heart... I did my best, I could not have done more, will I meet her, again?

Is she, gone, gone?

Is, her consciousness now stored in something?

I think, the reptilians told me, death for her is not death like we understand it, she never, "Dies", only her body.

Okay?? So, where is she?

Can she... Get healing? Can she, ever learn to love or trust me? Or is she... DONE. Just done.

It is... apparent, she does not return my affections, and how I feel about her, well, is not how she feels, or felt, about me.

What does that mean??

I realize, I was desperate for any sort of hope, after the event at the wolf sanctuary, and, the wolf girl, couldn't have given me more hope if she tried.

It is possible she was connected to me this entire lifetime. When she would go into heat, it tormented me if I resisted it. And, felt amazing when I gave in to it.

Was I just, born into a screwed timeline, because of her? Was her, possible death, a sort of reckoning for that?

I feel like, there is so much still yet unknown...

I admit, I may be chasing a quite adverse wolf girl, however, that does not change our profound connection.

Can I help her?

Will she have a change of heart in time?

Where is she??

What the hell am I supposed to do now, just mourn?

AM I finally facing a reckoning?

Am I just... a victim in all of this?

Will I get answers? How do I get them? just... Relax? As I had to do to get the OBE experiences? It feels like, I was so entwined in something that was just, ripped from me. How much of that was the will of the wolf girl? God, to sit down with her, and just talk. To, get answers. What happened?? Was it all adverse? Was I utterly betrayed by her?

Why is it, the memories I have of being adverse and awful to her, make total sense? Until she rebelled- but how much, was just because she wanted a change of scenery? Was it ALL me?? Or a mix?

It is possible her core creation was not corrupted, I was just a mean person, and she wanted freedom!

I am... Trying to give her, her energies freedom... Still. What is left of her. It's one thing I can do. The spirit of her? Her ghost? Her residual energy? Heart energy?

Who decided to show her to me, and why? It seems benevolent, maybe, to give me a fighting chance, which is why she seemed so shy. Like, i had found her out, and her scheme to victimize me. I do not blame her, only, am heartbroken if that is true. It sucks to find out, I may have abused the love of my life, in the past. And, that she just turned against me, never a positive thought, but is that true.

How do I find out?