Modality of healing
Sept 5, 2024 5:01:28 GMT 9.5
Post by tundrawolf on Sept 5, 2024 5:01:28 GMT 9.5
In my decision to pursue, the wolf girl I saw in my first March 21 OBE, in earnest- I am discovering something.
Due to the failure of the human race to show me love, or, perhaps- a mechanism of this incarnation to destroy me by design (Reptilians??), I only ever felt connected, and loved- by the canines in my life.
I recall, being a young child, and looking in a cartoon book, at a female four footed wolf, looking lovingly, at a human baby boy, with such love in her eyes, and I felt, in my spirit, (Or knew, at the time, due to evidence.) that I could only "get" love, from a wolf. A wolf, seeming to me, to be the origin, of this canine-love.
Well, in being tossed around and confused about the wolf girl, in other forums, and here, I decided- to go to the source- to her.
This was harder that I thought, though I knew it would be hard- it is like recovering from being maimed by a machine, then to go and enter inside of that machine, again, but by choice.
This is where I see Paul has a point- my love-attachment, at least of this incarnation- is canine based. I am a human, which creates a sort of imbalanced attachment. If I was a wolf, or a wolf-person, this would be different, though I admit, I am actually, part-wolf in my unseen DNA.
I began to see, in my own healing (The wolf girl, and I agreed, yesterday morning? This morning? That my total healing would be a positive step to connecting with her- perhaps she sees, like Paul, that I am a, "Drag: upon her.
This was harder that I thought, though I knew it would be hard- it is like recovering from being maimed by a machine, then to go and enter inside of that machine, again, but by choice.
This is where I see Paul has a point- my love-attachment, at least of this incarnation- is canine based. I am a human, which creates a sort of imbalanced attachment. If I was a wolf, or a wolf-person, this would be different, though I admit, I am actually, part-wolf in my unseen DNA.
I began to see, in my own healing (The wolf girl, and I agreed, yesterday morning? This morning? That my total healing would be a positive step to connecting with her- perhaps she sees, like Paul, that I am a, "Drag: upon her.
Well, I see that this deep canine connection, is hindering my own healing, sort of, as if I was going to a canine-human hybrid physician to be healed, for a strictly human disease. He may be able to help, but his connection is more geared towards the canine.
So, I am seeing this.
This, also, is adversely affecting the wolf girl.
Let's say, the reptilians, are indeed responsible for diverting me, from some cosmic/astral mission that apparently only Paul sees, and that:
1. Their first goal was to oppress me to death. To goad me into suicide, or just flat out kill me. I recall my father trying to shoot me in the head, but missing, and just waking away.
2. When that failed, they, then, coerced me, into, "Selling my soul" (Giving them my authority! Could only have happened if the first event had been almost successful, no one who loves themselves would ever give their authority away.) whereupon they turned the hell-torment up to "fifteen" and held me there in horror, for decades.
3. When I survived that, "they" (Still trying to figure out WHO showed the wolf girl to me.) decided to say fuck it- show him the "hot" wolf girl, whereupon I saw her, then experienced sharing a heart with her, then was able to communicate with her via the mind. As a last ditch effort, to control me by my dick? Maybe!
That, too, has almost all but failed- but I cannot deny my heart.
My heart, longs for her, like an abused child longs for their mothers (right, righteous, maternal and natural, not my mothers, twisted, vile excuse for using me as her poison contained, to drive me to suicide) love- it is unnatural, and inhuman, how I desire her. I get it- "Jot good sign" nonetheless, I desire her!
This is, I reckon, my last resort, and the final turning of my beingness.
What do I hope- well, just fucking guess, how about that.
I want to have a positive, affirming relationship with the wolf girl, and to do whatever mission I am here to do, although Paul said there are redundancies and backups.
Further, I feel that one of my, "groups", is also actually trying to work with me on this, about the wolf girl, so that things ca be resolved.
What does that look like?
I don't know. Living aboard a cruel, adverse reptilian ship, with a I hope- not cranky, massive wolf woman I am deeply in love with? "
I don't know. All I know is, searching from outside of me=few answers.
Searching within myself= real answers.
As I intended, endeavored, to seek the wolf girl out personally, to genuinely push passed the trauma to connect with her, I found myself, sleeping deeper than I have- I inquired as to why I am sleeping so well, the answers was, I was finally confronting my trauma in an effective way, and I was, "Sleeping" it away. This is a physical manifestation of a confirmation that I am on the correct path.
I will continue, to hold the path Paul set me on, of oneness and healing, of transparency with the light (Perhaps the light can help me with my 546 LB girlfriend.) and putting myself first- after all, she agreed- this was the right path for both of us.
If I may be so bold, in assuming, I also, can positively say, that the wolf girls demeanor has become 100% better than it was. She actually, "Smiles", and her heart has become, warm. This is a stark difference to what I would feel, when I tried, "Assuming" her situation and our past, together. She is, actually, turning a bit happy about things, I can feel it within her heart, as we do indeed share a heart.
This is good. Previously, she would either have to endure whatever fantasy was being woven, or grow upset about it, and- still have to endure it, regardless (Lending credence to the theory that she is indeed a slave of the reptiles.)
I am unsure of what the future holds, only that, this is the right decision.
Strangely, as I pursue this seemingly self destructive path of returning to a dynamic that previously wounded me, other areas of my life, that had been bound tightly in bondage, have begun to unfold- entire new characteristics, (See, my thread about the Orb of Entrapment)
It signals another manifestation that this is the proper path.
I See a third path, one of utter desolation and ruin, at least to the worlds understanding. It remains a valid path. One of homelessness, bare bones living, until I inevitably (And probably quickly.) decide to use alcohol as a vehicle to enter into my next life, whatever that may be. I would not assume it would be with the wolf girl, but maybe. "Drink myself into her lap."
But, I probably would not suffer that life for long. However, I would endeavor to be present in it, so that I could assimilate all the learning I possibly could.
If it is not obvious, I still love the wolf girl. I do not want to, not love her. Even when presented against, more, "Whole" wolf women- such as those with a body of shimmering, soft fur, of pleasantly scented skin, and of gentle, cool yellow eyes- my heart calls to me, and tells me- I am bonded to another. My gut tells me- I willingly gave her life. My heart, whispers, how much I care for- THAT one.
I am also reminded, that I have a history of choosing the wrong thing, and yet it works out better than I could have thought. Such as, choosing a German Shepherd puppy who was not acting social, the one the puppy book warned me not to get, but I got him, and he ended up being a wonderful dog.
So, I am seeing this.
This, also, is adversely affecting the wolf girl.
Let's say, the reptilians, are indeed responsible for diverting me, from some cosmic/astral mission that apparently only Paul sees, and that:
1. Their first goal was to oppress me to death. To goad me into suicide, or just flat out kill me. I recall my father trying to shoot me in the head, but missing, and just waking away.
2. When that failed, they, then, coerced me, into, "Selling my soul" (Giving them my authority! Could only have happened if the first event had been almost successful, no one who loves themselves would ever give their authority away.) whereupon they turned the hell-torment up to "fifteen" and held me there in horror, for decades.
3. When I survived that, "they" (Still trying to figure out WHO showed the wolf girl to me.) decided to say fuck it- show him the "hot" wolf girl, whereupon I saw her, then experienced sharing a heart with her, then was able to communicate with her via the mind. As a last ditch effort, to control me by my dick? Maybe!
That, too, has almost all but failed- but I cannot deny my heart.
My heart, longs for her, like an abused child longs for their mothers (right, righteous, maternal and natural, not my mothers, twisted, vile excuse for using me as her poison contained, to drive me to suicide) love- it is unnatural, and inhuman, how I desire her. I get it- "Jot good sign" nonetheless, I desire her!
This is, I reckon, my last resort, and the final turning of my beingness.
What do I hope- well, just fucking guess, how about that.
I want to have a positive, affirming relationship with the wolf girl, and to do whatever mission I am here to do, although Paul said there are redundancies and backups.
Further, I feel that one of my, "groups", is also actually trying to work with me on this, about the wolf girl, so that things ca be resolved.
What does that look like?
I don't know. Living aboard a cruel, adverse reptilian ship, with a I hope- not cranky, massive wolf woman I am deeply in love with? "
I don't know. All I know is, searching from outside of me=few answers.
Searching within myself= real answers.
As I intended, endeavored, to seek the wolf girl out personally, to genuinely push passed the trauma to connect with her, I found myself, sleeping deeper than I have- I inquired as to why I am sleeping so well, the answers was, I was finally confronting my trauma in an effective way, and I was, "Sleeping" it away. This is a physical manifestation of a confirmation that I am on the correct path.
I will continue, to hold the path Paul set me on, of oneness and healing, of transparency with the light (Perhaps the light can help me with my 546 LB girlfriend.) and putting myself first- after all, she agreed- this was the right path for both of us.
If I may be so bold, in assuming, I also, can positively say, that the wolf girls demeanor has become 100% better than it was. She actually, "Smiles", and her heart has become, warm. This is a stark difference to what I would feel, when I tried, "Assuming" her situation and our past, together. She is, actually, turning a bit happy about things, I can feel it within her heart, as we do indeed share a heart.
This is good. Previously, she would either have to endure whatever fantasy was being woven, or grow upset about it, and- still have to endure it, regardless (Lending credence to the theory that she is indeed a slave of the reptiles.)
I am unsure of what the future holds, only that, this is the right decision.
Strangely, as I pursue this seemingly self destructive path of returning to a dynamic that previously wounded me, other areas of my life, that had been bound tightly in bondage, have begun to unfold- entire new characteristics, (See, my thread about the Orb of Entrapment)
It signals another manifestation that this is the proper path.
I See a third path, one of utter desolation and ruin, at least to the worlds understanding. It remains a valid path. One of homelessness, bare bones living, until I inevitably (And probably quickly.) decide to use alcohol as a vehicle to enter into my next life, whatever that may be. I would not assume it would be with the wolf girl, but maybe. "Drink myself into her lap."
But, I probably would not suffer that life for long. However, I would endeavor to be present in it, so that I could assimilate all the learning I possibly could.
If it is not obvious, I still love the wolf girl. I do not want to, not love her. Even when presented against, more, "Whole" wolf women- such as those with a body of shimmering, soft fur, of pleasantly scented skin, and of gentle, cool yellow eyes- my heart calls to me, and tells me- I am bonded to another. My gut tells me- I willingly gave her life. My heart, whispers, how much I care for- THAT one.
I am also reminded, that I have a history of choosing the wrong thing, and yet it works out better than I could have thought. Such as, choosing a German Shepherd puppy who was not acting social, the one the puppy book warned me not to get, but I got him, and he ended up being a wonderful dog.