Back to the source.

[tundrawolf]

The entire reason I began posting on the forum(s) that brought me here, was because of an beautiful, attractive wolf girl, that I met during an OBE (out of body experience.) in March of 2021.

She has been, the love of my life, the woman of my dreams, the woman, I love, with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

It does not affect me, if others cannot, or will not understand how i feel about her, it is not your life.

I feel, partially "toyed with" here, though I admit my mind was all over the place, trying to figure out,

*why I am seeing a hot wolf girl

*why she completes me

*why she is upset with me.

I merit Paul, with my healing, and progress, from a very traumatic event that happened at the wolf sanctuary, that I have been consumed with (Along with, a deep attraction to this wolf girl.)

Truly, Paul helped me gain hope I may not have otherwise, and to cultivate, "Self".

However, I have been getting mixed signal, from Paul, and others- about the wolf girl-

*She does not exist (Untrue. I met her in the flesh.)

*She hates me (well...)

*She has passed-on (untrue. Actually, what I am seeing is, we are closer than ever- and I will tell why)

Either because you do not know what she means to me, or worse- you do not care- I have been put into a tailspin.

Is she in the custody of reptilians?

Is she a space alien from some planet nobody knows about?

Is she passed-on??

Nobody seems to care.

Well, I am grateful to Paul for helping me focus on myself, however-

I cannot go on until I get answers.

The reptilian thing seems to jive, with my heart, gut spirit memories, past lives- however, I cannot know for sure, and nobody seems to care to help me about it, So...

I am turning full circle, to return to source- to return to her.

When I summon the actual out of body experience with her, my connection to her gets deep, real, and scary.

However, I am to be brave, I want to be brave, in connecting with her, Ladywolf- ACTUAL.

I tried, in earnest, to genuinely connect with her, and I was richly rewarded, with a lot of positive information- not all of it was easy to diges,t however, I want to know. "

Why now??

I think the answer is simple.

I am recovering from a deeply traumatic event she herself may have been likely a part of- an event that has had daily ramifications for almost thirty years...

I was shocked, thrown into the deep end, terrified, in crisis, trying to find out why I am meeting a beautiful wolf girl, when I found this forum, and began to the work Paul set me out to do. Work of SELF. 

However, as I tried mining out answers, it only created more answers, until it was, a "Soap Opera" as Paul put it. 

Fuck that.

It is true, that I am healing- healing enough, to have the courage to turn from running from her, and turning to face her- not as an adversary, but as a penitent man- it is possible, I was terrible to her (Hence the attack.) in a past life, or lives.

This morning, my heart, gut and soul all echoed an extremely positive view, from her- because I had the courage to face her.

I had been avoiding this- because I was too scared, and in crisis, to have the guts to face her and talk to her directly.

Instead, I allowed, various dynamics to create entertaining scenarios around her.

SO, this entire thing is now coming full circle. I am unsure of what Paul sees, or doesn't see. I know he has been instrumental in my healing progress, and change of trajectory, from victim, to someone healing and claiming my authority back.

However, the wolf girl is a part of my heart, and I do love her. I love her enough, to want to get to the bottom of our past life together- and to see if there is a way to salvage it.

Paul is mistaken, there is no, "Higher mission" possible without this. I refuse to be a slave. I refuse to violate my own conscience, just because some asshole tells me to. I cannot violate my own heart.

If people cannot, or will not understand- that is irrelevant.

So, I am returning to source- I am returning to the original dynamics, the ones that overwhelmed me passed my ability to cope with, and am seeking answers there, now.

I want to add updates- so long as both our consciences agree to it, as essentially that's what I have been doing here anyway.

Oh, and Paul may be happy to know this, when I connected with the wolf girl genuinely, we both came to the conclusion, that I must complete my healing, in order to be good come together with her. She wants me to be, "whole". She wants me, to be independent, like Paul was telling me, healed and whole inside of myself- and able to connect with her outside of that, not parasitically connected to her as a draw to her.

And, the event at the wolf sanctuary, possibly being used to demoralize me, to lose the wolf girl- it was part of the horror of it, it all happened so fast... However, I can choose not to go down that path. I can choose to veer off of that path, and to reconcile with the wolf girl, while also seeking healing. Where does the, "higher mission" come in to play, I do not know.

If the reptilian custody thing is true, the reptilians actually want me to have the wolf girl.

"We have no interest in her, in fact she is scary and we would appreciate it if you took full custody of her." ---- If, it is true. Paul believes they are distracting me, from my true mission, well those details aren't revealed to me, and I wouldn't want them, until the wolf girl is secured and safe in my custody- of course it would absolve the reptilians if/when I had her physically (Safe, untampered with, whole...) with me. That's in the future, however.

About the higher mission, I know nothing of it, outside of buried "Might be's" (I have had my fill of, "Might be's.") What I know to be true, more true than anything: is the wolf girl exists.

I admit, it is possible, my higher group is not showing me the mission because it would wreck what I have going with the wolf girl, and they know, they could lose me over it.

Is the wolf girl, intentionally place din my life as a distraction- yes, of course. However, if I am to be an actor of good conscience, there is no way I will abandon her- if this was not accounted for, then how competent is this group to begin with, and why would I choose them over real, true love, and profound connection?

Can I have both?

Without closure with the wolf girl, I cannot do the other, and without the wolf girl, it is possible, and likely, I will not be able to do the other.

All is fair, in love and war? I seem to have a mixture of both.

Well, regardless, I am detaching to seek her, and to find answers. It is, a labor of love, even if I am alone, in it.

To conclude, the answer is at the source, and all I have been doing is running from it.

So, it is time to confront it.