Post by tundrawolf on Sept 4, 2024 7:49:58 GMT 9.5
I was cleaning my home today, when I became aware, some of my issues with, self hatred, pleasure denial, and treating myself with love, stem from the fact that during the event at the wolf sanctuary. I felt a blade cut my throat, and my belly, then my head twisted around, and also my hips.
This created a dynamic where I "seek" positive experiences, however my "desire" intent, is facing negative (Adverse, painful, empty) dynamics.
I began to fight against it, and I feel it will yield positive results in time. However as I am discovering, in order to come against a problem, you must know it's there, first.
This is actually the majority of my sorrow and woe, this twisted dynamic. I am making more progress with my personal will than with heart light, however maybe there is a piece missing, maybe I need to be twisted around properly before heart light works properly, If it is working I do not feel it. I find it extremely difficult to concentrate when trying it, it could be ADD or other adverse mental programming
My own view is that it is better to take responsibility for oneself.
That's what this entire thing has been about
The clawing of, moving from a dynamic I was taught, as a human, to obey and submit, only to find it was all a lie, and me, trying to take responsibility for myself. Who the fuck is going to admit they may be a pedophile, what does that profit me? It is me, trying to understand myself, and to purify myself, and to discover what lies beneath. It could be, even the higher beings, do not want to do that uncomfortable internal self reflection.
This entire thing is me, taking control of my facilities, attempting to understand myself, what is in the, "Deep end" as you put it.
Understand what happened when I died in the hospital,
Understand what happened at the wolf sanctuary,
Understand why I was transported to meet a beautiful wolf girl,
Understand why her heart beats in my chest, a thing profound beyond words,
Understand why she is angry with me and what I can do to make that situation right, as right as I can, and to try to do right by her.
Why would I have six pages here if I wasn't trying to take responsibility for myself? That's all I've been doing!
