Spirit Spouse.

[tundrawolf]

Oh God, oh fuck

The only reason I am able to write this, is because I am have alcohol

The spirit spouse, I saw in an OUT OF BODY CONSCIOUSNESS COMPLETE AND TOTAL CONSCIOUSNESS TRANSFER TO ANOTHER, VESSEL, ANOTHER BODY THAT IS VASTLY SUPERIOR TO A HUMAN BODY IN EVERY SINGLE WAY POSSIBLE CONCEIVED AND SEES THINGS A HUMAN BODY NEVER COULD

in March of the year of our lord 2021

The woman of my dreams

My wolfess (A female, wolf-human)

The most beautiful woman I have seen, with true, real eyes, that make human eyes appears as a mere shadow, only able to discern three colors- I am able to say she is the most beautiful woman I have seen with those eyes in this incarnation, well, I have been romantically pursuing her for three years now- knowing, some horrendous fate awaited me- and, now, discerning a part of it-

It turns out, when I asked her if she wished for a divorce from me, she told me- "The event at the wolf sanctuary was my divorce papers to you."

I thought, yesterday, or the day before, as I have drank alcohol, and it erases time, wow, that sucks.

You are, the most beautiful creature I have laid true eyes upon- the sweat between your magnificent, powerful toes, is the ambrosia of heaven itself- the salty secretions of your body- elevate me to realms unspeakable- your body, is shaped as a shame to the limitations of the divine, you are sex, life, and god itself...

And, she told me, "I divorced you. I am done. I am living my life elsewhere. That is why the experience at the wolf sanctuary is so hard for you. It is me, saying goodbye."

[tundrawolf]

However, her and I remain still connected- it is possible due to the spark of life (Or energy of life) that we cannot be separated- it is not my will to be disconnected from her, as I possess strong feelings of love and connection with and for her.

Yesterday, and perhaps a few days ago, I was able to cam myself down, and be less of a "bother" to her- I discovered that my trauma and torment, are two things that she has to endure, with me- and it makes her a bit cranky, and upset about it- though she can really not do "anything" about it- just hang with me.

So, I turned down my heart-noise for her sake- and endeavored to be more still, within my gut area, spirit connection- to please her.

I do nothing out of fear, it is out of love, from my heart.She is still the love of my life. Earlier, Paul suggested I be positive, when writing about her- and i see now, that I have not been, with direct connection to her- I have been flooding her with negativity! And flooding our connection with negativity.

It is no wonder, she has not, responded very well to me!

I see this, now. I have worked to, establish and maintain a calm, and what I eventually hope- is a loving, welcoming connection with, and for her.

This is very, very good news. Especially for me. I intend, to create a loving, beautiful, restful, ordered, gentle, caring, empathic, mutual, loving garden of rest, and delights for her. For my... The wolf girl. In spite of the past, and what has happened- ad I admit- it has been difficult to understand the anger that motivated her, and the damage done, I wish to push a more positive future for her- who knows, maybe one day, she may give me another chance. She knows, I am changing, all of the time.

I still have hope, however I am attempting to the moral/ethical thing, the right relationship thing- back off, and to maintain a beautiful area for her to rest in, so that she knows she is loved.

[tundrawolf]

I connected with her.

It seems to be unfolding, as a bit of a bittersweet tragedy.

It was revealed, that, after the incident at the wolf sanctuary, she grew weary of my negativity, anger, horniness, and etc- so her, and her group (The reptilians) decided to, "Disconnect" from me- which is why she appeared no longer physical. She is, but was just hiding from me.

Paul said he could not see her- that was part of the deception- in order to grant her rest.
A break from me.

She asked, I believe, if she could have her freedom and I immediately said yes- so she ca be a free girl.

She likes, "Ladywolf" as her name.

I saw some more, deeper things in her- and, so, I am trying to cultivate a more positive atmosphere for her, in hopes she does not have to hide from me, however I also know she needs her rest and vacation from all of this.

It is bittersweet. She suggested, that Annah in Antarctica would be a better place for me. She said, there may be issues being with her physically aboard the ship (?) or with wherever it is she, and her people live. Legal issues, such as property and etc. She may become, "My property' if I go to be with her physically- and neither she, nor I, want that. I want her to be free.

I also warned her, her heart may long, to be held by my, for me to caress her soft skin, to be kissed by me.

It's a situation we are in- but it is my intention to do all that I can to improve it- for her.

I, already found the woman of my dreams. The person who completes me. Who is more beautiful than the stars...

Now it seems, that the work must be on myself (yet again)

I am also seeing, a conclusion (ending) to the torment I took on at the wolf sanctuary (That she was behind.)

I still hold onto it, in case there are other lessons that could be learned from it.

I also see, likely- what Paul sees (But maybe not.) about my beingness- and my own journey- that got diverted from my original intent and purpose.

However, I am now connected to a woman I hold in high esteem, and care, and love, a great deal- I gladly put on the mantle, in an intention to create a paradise worthy of my heart for her, that she may find rest and refuge in.

I love her.

[tundrawolf]

I did reach some conclusions with the wolf girl.

Maybe not, "conclusions, maybe "goals" is a better word.

I am to detach from her, and heal.

However, when i do, she expresses torment from it and resists it- this has been my biggest issue. I thought it was me, but it is her. It hurts her heart, yet- she is also unhappy with me. But, I get it. We've been through a lot her and I!

And, in our past, while it may not have been perfect- we did love each other a great deal.

There is also the matter of tending to myself, again, becoming manifest. It is a process, when so much emotion has been invested- over so much time, via so many factors.

I am also trying to be ethical about it- I came to an impasse with her when she resisted me- so I rested and allowed her to remain connected- however I also resolved, to use force in the future, if i have to. I have seen advanced, happy version of her that wish to be with me when I am healed.

She is actually doing okay. She is doing so well, that she hid it from me. just, happy in her space. And, I am glad for her. Good for her.

Alright