Working for myself
Jul 30, 2024 2:09:32 GMT 9.5
Post by tundrawolf on Jul 30, 2024 2:09:32 GMT 9.5
Living in this, hell realm, being deprived of necessary coping mechanisms in previous lives to make this one as vulnerable and hellacious as possible
Recently, a few years ago, I was doing one of my, "Favorite" job, re-piping a mobile home, it is abjectly miserable, filthy work, however it "paid" well
However, my gut area connection, perhaps energetically, where the umbilical chord connects and feeds the fetus, and where life connects to the human body, began to tell me, via a disrupted and pained gut- so much pain for so long I could no longer ignore it, it said,
"If you continue this work you hate doing, I am going to kill this body."
Well, I was worried about losing, everything, this, "land" I "owned", not being able to eat, etc.
It took me two hours of making vlogs, trying to figure it out, before my gut said, "I will allow it, this time- but if you keep it up, I will harm you for it."
I read recently, if I do work for myself, and not my employer- weirdly I am self employed- but I saw a vision, due to the neediness of my parents, for me to live their lives for them, to take "care" of them if not physically then spiritually and emotionally, sucking, soulless voids of human shells, that I was working- and living- for others and not myself.
It seemed to hit to an idea that, I am not putting myself first.
As many in my generation were taught, by our unfit parents, to live for others- and sacrifice ourselves at the altar of society
I read recently, if I do work for myself, and not my employer- weirdly I am self employed- but I saw a vision, due to the neediness of my parents, for me to live their lives for them, to take "care" of them if not physically then spiritually and emotionally, sucking, soulless voids of human shells, that I was working- and living- for others and not myself.
It seemed to hit to an idea that, I am not putting myself first.
As many in my generation were taught, by our unfit parents, to live for others- and sacrifice ourselves at the altar of society
It is also of possible interest, that the later generations are seeing this- and they are not able to continue this great farce- and may end up switching this entire incarnation off- as is their right- and just to do so, rather than suffering like we do/have
I am trying to find a means of existing, in this Babylonian monetary enslavement system that is killing me, literally, killing my body- and yet, trying to rest and heal, while allowing myself to be a slave- what is the answer to this, if I am to remain true to myself?
What is the answer?
I hope it is coming, but all I can do, is allow, and if it means living in the forest, then I do well to remain true to myself- and no one, and nothing else
What is the answer?
I hope it is coming, but all I can do, is allow, and if it means living in the forest, then I do well to remain true to myself- and no one, and nothing else
Hopefully the answer comes, if not, then it is what it is, perhaps surrendering myself at the wolf sanctuary, the consequences have finally come home to roost, and I am living on borrowed time