Giving up sovereignty/the answer to selling soul

[tundrawolf]

Well, over twenty years ago I was pushed to give up my sovereignty to at the time, what I considered to be, "The devil" (Christian/Abrahamic religious)

I have, every single day for closer to thirty years, struggled with the horror of what I endured, at a wolf sanctuary I was living at, such as, if multiple clones that can energetically transmit the pain they are feeling yet are all immortal, are pushed to my being from this, creating a situation that seems inescapable.

However, perhaps, to log this, it seems, as I have discarded my religious understanding four years ago or so, for moral reasons, that it could be, I am seeing a dynamic give birth-

It is the death of my old self:

Fear based

Religious (limited/ignorant)

Maladjusted

Emotionally/sexually retarded (Programming from parents and society)

Miserable

Sad

Suicidal

Hopeless (Felt and in reality)

Unable to pair-bond in right relationship

Cruel

Rapacious

Violent

Thieving

Immoral

Amoral

Sexually frustrated

Unintelligent/unquestioning

Fervently held by wrong beliefs

Angry

Hateful

Vicious

Repressed

This, is/was the old me.

The beings that tempted me to, "Sell my soul" for the affections of a she wolf, knew what they were doing, knew how to fully accomplish the destruction of an, "old" self

Though I have endured decades of agony and horror spiritually, it is coming to light, that, when I get breaks of light in this-

I am changing for the better

The old, is "dying" though painfully and with horror

I am obtaining the things I have desired, even the impossible ones- for example, the heart of a wolf-human hybrid, such things are not known to humans

I am becoming adjusted

I am learning to love myself

I am learning to put myself first instead of sacrificing my desires on the altar of humanity

I am discovering right (proper) relationship with self

I am no longer miserable

I no longer need the alcohol and drugs to numb my pain

I am discovering proper understanding of my environment, and animals, and canines

I am beginning to have hope for a future, outside of misery

I am discovering a higher purpose

I am being taught and guided by esoteric scholars in ways I never would have imagined as someone restrained by religion

Well. I have struggled daily for decades, trying to figure out, a "Way out" of the soul contract with the adverse beings who tempted me with the wolf.

A thought occurred to me, as I pushed my intent into areas I was wounded, and told, "not to go" (But they are EXACTLY where I need to go.) that, perhaps, I am still clawing to try to bring my, "Old self" back to life- what if, the answer is, rather than trying to resurrect and return to that life- I am to create a NEW life, which was the reasons I have suffered as I did, in order to have a new life- and then, to launch my life from the foundation of the new life...

The old life, seems no longer available to me. Though, I have cried and clawed and tried to return to that, I am unable to- I am changing, and old things are passing away- I am only, "used" to them (That is their appeal, not much appeal at all!) however new things, are being birthed, especially now as I am learning not to fight them, to relax and allow

[paul]

>new things, are being birthed, especially now as I am learning not to fight them, to relax and allow

It is possible to grow out of ancient trauma and commitments - by discarding the substance of the subplanes in which those problems exist.

Heart light accelerates the process of out-growing the past

[stewartedwards]

Jul 29, 2024 16:05:44 GMT 9.5 paul said:

Heart light accelerates the process of out-growing the past

I have found offering heart light to have varying responses. Sometimes it is welcomed almost greedily, at other times it is clearly unwanted, perhaps by a separate energy that influences the person.

[tundrawolf]

I was thinking this morning, if the "attack" on my being did not happen at the wolf sanctuary, what would my progress be?

Would i still be trapped in the old self...

Actually the answer is yes, and in spades...

However, another question came to me...

What if, the old me, had actually been loved?

Growing up, I know my mother was incapable of love... As was my father... And the entire familial line(s) were so broken it is a miracle the family stayed together as long as it did... As I realize, my father, in other timelines, was slated to murder us all then take his own life...

And my mother actually offered herself back to him, even recently !

The answer was somewhat difficult- had I of actually been loved, what could I have been capable of- actually, similar growth... If not better growth, as, rather than being ripped apart, my beingness/self could have progressed and healed and connected to more nurturing dynamics...

I am "Grateful" for the horror of what happened to me at the wolf sanctuary, and, yet, that does not make it any less of a horror

Perhaps moreso, even

It is of interest to me, that in my assessment, I could not have been loved by a human being, only a canine-human hybrid could have given me the "unconditional" (not true) love and acceptance I desired, "Deep down"

I also see, how the old me, was "worthy" of the tragedies I am experiencing, and even though I am maturing, growing, and progressing, that those tragedies are still happening in spite of it

I am, still uncovering, the twisting, using my own will, pulled-out and ripped apart, of my own willingness to go into destruction, immortal horrors, and adverse things. It has been this, innate terror that has motivated me, to this point, to find answers, and now to grow and to heal...

I am looking for the, "Ways and means" to discover, the untwisting, the changing of destiny, momentum, a cessation of the placeholder of doom, to something that resembles life, and a future

[paul]

Jul 29, 2024 19:32:54 GMT 9.5 stewartedwards said:

...I have found offering heart light to have varying responses. Sometimes it is welcomed almost greedily, at other times it is clearly unwanted, perhaps by a separate energy that influences the person.

Often an adverse person/entity is dominated by a sequence of supervisors that object to their pawn being assisted positively.

If the entity is too afraid of its immediate supervisor it will not accept the offered heart light.

In that situation I often will go up the sequence of supervisors using the Earth Mother (or equivalent) to take energy out of the supervisors until they give up and turn away. Then it is usually possible to deal with the immediate person/entity

It is better to have a friendly spirit minding your back when you go up against dark entities that operate well above the level of the human soul (Neshama)