Going through spiritual transition, old work

[tundrawolf]

I began building what my older self was hoping to be an escape vehicle, escaping my mother, escaping society, escaping the apocalypse, and a vehicle to search for cryptid peoples.

However, the universe (Which speaks to me via unction in my belly button/gut area) told me to stop working on it. Whether I have a time table that is not real and based on fear, based on old programs, or based in reality- it fought against it, telling me, I HAVE OT GET THIS DONE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR DISASTER WILL HAPPEN

Well, I decided to honor the process and obey.

Previously, a few years ago, I was at a job, doing something I hated for money, and my gut area began to talk to me (I was for the first time willing to listen)

"I do not want to do this. You have not listened to me your entire life, and, now, if you continue not to listen, I am going to kill this body" (If I continue to do things my spirit/gut does not want to do, or does in opposition to them.

It is no longer a matter of want/not want, but of life and death.

This is one of the reasons humans develop deadly diseases such as cancer and degenerative disease, they do not listen to their spirits or gut instincts. They continue to trample on themselves, until their body begins to fail, often, in terrible ways.

Well, I have invested nearly "everything" in this vehicle, it could be extremely valuable (Over a million dollars US possibly multiple millions)

And, I have been living on welfare, as the economy here has fallen out.

So, it seems as if, the entirety of my past, my velocity, my trajectory, depends on me finishing this vehicle (At a minimum) as my situation seems to be tentative, from an outside view.

(Even though I have lived here rent free for 13 years, will that change at any point? I have been told, there is no danger, but the fear is there- is it vestigial? Based in reality? A combination?)

Recently, more mental and spiritual changes began to happen for me, after releasing my religion, after a series of visions of a beautiful Wolfess, I share a heart with, whom I love, yet seems as if I must let her go...

Well, the universe came to me an hour or two ago and it said,

"You exist in comfort (All day I watch videos, entertain myself on my tablet, my internet is paid for, I eat good food, I take my ease- as humans were designed for. not slaving their lives away as this society forces us to do.) and it is good- you may keep it up until your body fails. However, you have a vehicle you want to finish, if you want to pursue this, take some of the energy of comfort, and shift it to the vehicle- and the door(s) will open for you. You may also, continue your life of ease."

It was, perhaps, one of those sayings, "You can experience the pain of regret, or the pain of discipline"

However, even though I do not have, full "peace" about it (Even, I do have an intellectual urgency, such as, the vehicle, when finished, will be magnificent, a modern marvel, a machine of testament to my minds abilities...) it does seem, as if I have begun to be ale to open some doors, to continuing work on it.

Recently i began to weld two fuel tanks together to make a series of two mammoth fuel tanks, 100 gallons plus, or 380L +  x2, (For a range of, possibly up to 4,000 miles, or 6400KM, 4Wd with dual diff lockers, full solar [1600w] with lithium batteries and sine wave inverters, water, sewer/septic, storage, tools, fridge/freezer, gas and electric cookers, air conditioning front and rear, electric bed that turns into a bed or couch, all of the amenities for a good life, and comfortable living) I decided I wanted long driving range above hidden storage...

Well the universe (my belly button, gut area) said no, stop this and return to resting. I obeyed. I did not fight it

Paul said, if, and when I leave this ranch, which is one of the most valuable pieces of property on this planet (3M+/acre) that it should be, FREEING, not FLEEING

which is a clever play on words but nonetheless, rings true

This, is also an exercise in combating fear- as essentially, everything I own and have worked so hard, for so long, for, is "On the line" and, I could be just a day or two from being utterly destitute, homeless, and living outdoors, in the forest- which I admit, would be the most freeing thing- and in a way, I long for it.

However, finishing the vehicle would be better for me, overall, and would give me hope, and a reason to keep going (And participating in human society, not giving up in a forest, and drinking myself with hard liquor into the next life, though I do not discount i may end up doing that anyway- it is my choice, it would be better if I had the vehicle assembled.)

Here's hoping for the go-ahead and vision, and peace, and motivation energy to finishing the vehicle.

It is also aware to me, that I have not only invested money but time and energy, and this vehicle is a significant turning point in my life.

I believe, the spiritual trajectory of this endeavor, is also shifting, as my own trajectory shifts, and the vehicle may be a milestone, a fork in the road when finished, that projects me into a new "Book" of life- rather than just a new chapter in a moldy, old book of self hatred and bathing in curses and sorrow and dysfunction.

So, it is perhaps, being changed, for a positive trajectory, rather than continuing in the same old

All I can do is to wait, and have faith

My heart hopes, the time will be soon, when it will be completed- at a minimum, "Running and driving", then I can go from there.

It is also possible, the milestone of the vehicle cannot be rushed, as it may be more significant than I think. It may be the launching of my new life, into my proper destiny, instead of, the continuation of the misery I have been slogging around and dragging with me my entire life up until now

we shall see, and the above reasons may be why I have not been allowed to continue work or progress on the vehicle