Healing- is the OS, "Bad"

[tundrawolf]

The last few days have been, fairly momentous, as I have discovered sleeping outdoors in open air is putting me directly in touch with "my" human ancestors.

This morning, as I push myself into the adversity, trauma, pain, fear, in order to, confront, absorb, accept, and then change, (otherwise it persists.) I am becoming aware, that in the process of rebirth, or change, or evolution- that the "old", the thing that needed to change, but could not, on its own energy and will- (Because it was, born of an outdated/obsolete principle... Wrong thoughts, wrong beliefs, vestigial understanding) that the OS, when I was born/when I was attacked at the wolf sanctuary, that it attacked "me"- but, as I evolve personally, and gain new understanding, and new perspective, I see that that these things not had been infected, weakened, and basically devoured- there would be no room, for the "new".

And, that as I discover the new- while it feels foreign- an amalgamation of the various other, "me"s, combined with a convergence with humanness, the new is not only preferable, but vastly superior to the old, in every conceivable way- in fact, my hearts desires when I was the "old" me, are being granted, regardless of how impossible (Such as, sharing a heart with a wolf-girl.) and the adoption of a growing positive (more enjoyable in life.) neural plasticity that is becoming a perpetual motion machines- as the negativity spiral begins to wind down in my life.

I realized this morning, i am being granted what I want- rest, recuperation, adjustment, relaxation, and healing. I have desired these things for some time- and the foundation of my feelings and emotions, is also undergoing radical change as well, so I find it hard to, "Rest"- rest in what?

I say all this, with me entire being- desiring to be OUT of the oppressive, pain-inducing, thought-limiting, life altering, oppression system, while also acknowledging, without it, I would be, stuck in my old hard-held processes and programs, instilled in my from genetic information, incorrect parental patterns, and a society that is unable to continue as it has.

Yesterday, trying to work on my, escape-evasion "fear" van, that is born of the last of my "old" ways (Fear based. The desire to flee, rather than to be free) to run, run, run from discomfort,  and a visit tot a local lake, after not being there for a year- observing how FAR I have come, mentally/spiritually, emotionally, mature wise in the span of only a year...

I began to realize- not a single attachment or thought of this van escape vehicle, is resonating with the "new" me.

At some point, while on my kayak, the universe yelled at me, and told me, to STOP THINKING ABOUT A PROBLEM, because they thought-energy, was pushing energy BACK into the negativity spiral of fear...

TO stop thinking about this particular thing, because I was not even aware, its origin was in fruitless fear... And I had to acknowledge, this was true.

The universe assured me, the problem would be corrected, but I had to put it out of my mind, rather than wrapping it up in fear.

Be positive!

The seemingly adverse wolf-girl I saw in a vision in 2021, it feels like my hearts desire, to give her love without condition, ten years ago, I would not have been able to do this properly!

Maybe, if someone is experiencing something adverse, maybe, a shift in perspective, may change it from negative, to positive.

I have heard several times, how people say, their cancer diagnosis, was the best thing to happen to them, because it forced them to confront various wrong beliefs, that made them much happier, and the cancer was the cause of this!

It feels strange, acknowledging the god tier horror the OS has put me through, and, yet, being endlessly grateful, for what it has done for me... That I could not have accomplished where I am at, without it...

[paul]

You are doing well

[tundrawolf]

Jul 2, 2024 6:36:19 GMT 9.5 paul said:

You are doing well

Thank you!

I am starting to see that my anger against my mother/parents/society etc is emotional reactionism... In these recent understandings, I am seeing as you said, they are victims

Living life without this joy I am discovering, is a waste of time, like purchasing an extremely expensive game, and never leaving the lobby of it, or having an AI play it for you, and never experiencing it, yourself (or learning from it)

It is like waking up, "I cannot believe that I believed that..." or, "Thought that way..."

And, how the OS is self perpetuating, and only changing your foundation to one of positivity will do, and it begins taking apart a seemingly undefeatable enemy...

I also cannot ignore the fact that these recent changes began after sleeping open air outside...

It could be coincidental, however it is interesting to note.

I am also seeing, about my physical future, and the future of my environment- how I am in transition- and to let go- because my vestigial motivators need to be quieted down- and new ones created- to propel a new me in a new world, as is only acceptable, I have been trying to drag an old me into a new world through the old world, why it is not working, I have invested so much energy in these outdated principles, when freedom, liberty and positivity are what makes it worthwhile and effortless