Post by tundrawolf on Jun 30, 2024 1:42:00 GMT 9.5
Well I am writing this on my phone in the shop, about to drop a flaming rag into a fuel tank to see if it explodes or not. the tank had been pierced underneath by the boneyard, and the goo on the bottom has dried and smells like years old fuel. I washed the tanks with water, allowed them to dry, and blew out the tanks with compressed air. I may be being too cautious, with a rope with a weight, tethered around the corner of the shop, but I would rather avoid injury if there was any flammability still left inside. I am cutting the tanks to weld them together.
Well, my female dog is in heat once again, after already having a litter, and having to deal with 8 dogs, so I rediscovered I have a dog pen, and placed her in the pen, outside.
However, she was shaking, as all the dogs escaped the house and ran the ranch, and I was moved to rage over it, though it was internally, canines pick this up very well because they are family/societal animals.
I took them to the park after for a few hours, then decided to take action so my dog does not get pregnant again.
So, being moved by her fear, as canines innately want to be with their "pack", and at all times, I decided to place a mattress in the pen with her and some blankets and decided to spend the night in there so she is not so worried.
I also had some shots of alcohol, and I may have had cannabis as well.
Not sure if I would sleep the night or not, because I wake up in the cold, and am usually nude, however after ten shots of fireball and a dose of cannabis, I discovered I did indeed, wake up in the pen with my dog.
The pen is six feet by twelve, or 1.8/3.6 m so there's room. I also moved a lot of items and prepared a trailer to begin hauling trash out of and away from the home. I was going to wait but a voice said. "Why not now", and I was convinced.
So, I woke just as the sun was beginning to rise in the northeast or east, and I discovered that I was filled with a sense of newness.
I liken it, to a man in tribal days, waking up after the cats were prowling, a fire had to be kept up to survive the night, and that the sunlight/morning meant he now had a new day to survive - the joy of that being, anything was possible.
I felt like a tribal man!
I could not stop smiling.
As the sun began to rise over the trees, I became hungry, and as my electric oven stopped working, I brought in a propane stove which was still outside.
So, I gathered the ingredients for a good breakfast, including a glass of tea and honey and some coffee, and brought it in the pen with me/her.
I decided to add a puppy, so I gathered the one I am going to "keep", and let him inside with us.
He behaved perfectly, and I shared my meal with the two dogs, whiw err quite happy to be with me.
I laid back down to play on my phone, a sense of joy in me that knew no end (it was available forever. Only I could stop it.)
I decided to take a dose of cannabis (in liquid form, quite handy) to add icing to the cake of a wonderful morning, except I guess the joy was so intense that cannabis had no effect on it, in fact it even reduced the intensity of the joy a little bit.
I also, had been receiving hard downloads of true canine understanding (understanding them factually, rather than thru the eyes of a child trying to cope with a strange world)
I was able to forgive my mother more- and am rounding forgiving her fully
I also realized, when I was paying a mortgage on some land I "owned", that life automatically brought "increase" to me, and that the puppies are the same- god, or life is bringing increase so I can afford to keep them, as I find homes for them.
I operated in near full, resting, not forcing, not doing anything I did not feel like doing.
I'm questioning if I even want to test exploding tanks right now
Two puppies I brought to the shop, both escaped, so it's just momma dog and I. I am slightly concerned that she will not take it well if I take the rest of the family to the park and not her. Maybe I'll leave her in the house. But if she is going to stay whole, she has to accept twice a year she can't go to the park and has to be separated from the family. As time goes on eventually I will have to segregate the females/ the males. The 4 month old male puppy was already mounting and humping some of the other females. I do not know if he could achieve a mating tie and impregnate her but I also don't want to take a chance. 8 dogs is enough for now
Anyway it was good, joy inexhaustible.
I also discovered this is the first time I have slept outdoors, completely uncovered. And, had a great sleep no less. Somewhat, slept when the sun went down, and woke up when it came up. It felt nice!
I am probably going to try the same thing tonight. See what comes of it
So far it's working well. A return to the roots
And, more discoveries how I am perpetuating misery onto myself, which allows me to deal with it so I can be happier. For myself, who has been through much adversity, this is a marked improvement in overall mental/spiritual health
With the caveat that this dark night of the soul was total surrender to oblivion and lasted years.
Now a firm resolve not to be miserable
Also when I bring the gang of puppies to the park they are always received well. I also notice none of the dogs start fights. It is usually other dogs. I attribute this to my time on this forum. It is helping me be a better person, and my dogs pick up and transmit that energy, which manifests as play, rest, and enjoyment. Like we were supposed to be
Well, my female dog is in heat once again, after already having a litter, and having to deal with 8 dogs, so I rediscovered I have a dog pen, and placed her in the pen, outside.
However, she was shaking, as all the dogs escaped the house and ran the ranch, and I was moved to rage over it, though it was internally, canines pick this up very well because they are family/societal animals.
I took them to the park after for a few hours, then decided to take action so my dog does not get pregnant again.
So, being moved by her fear, as canines innately want to be with their "pack", and at all times, I decided to place a mattress in the pen with her and some blankets and decided to spend the night in there so she is not so worried.
I also had some shots of alcohol, and I may have had cannabis as well.
Not sure if I would sleep the night or not, because I wake up in the cold, and am usually nude, however after ten shots of fireball and a dose of cannabis, I discovered I did indeed, wake up in the pen with my dog.
The pen is six feet by twelve, or 1.8/3.6 m so there's room. I also moved a lot of items and prepared a trailer to begin hauling trash out of and away from the home. I was going to wait but a voice said. "Why not now", and I was convinced.
So, I woke just as the sun was beginning to rise in the northeast or east, and I discovered that I was filled with a sense of newness.
I liken it, to a man in tribal days, waking up after the cats were prowling, a fire had to be kept up to survive the night, and that the sunlight/morning meant he now had a new day to survive - the joy of that being, anything was possible.
I felt like a tribal man!
I could not stop smiling.
As the sun began to rise over the trees, I became hungry, and as my electric oven stopped working, I brought in a propane stove which was still outside.
So, I gathered the ingredients for a good breakfast, including a glass of tea and honey and some coffee, and brought it in the pen with me/her.
I decided to add a puppy, so I gathered the one I am going to "keep", and let him inside with us.
He behaved perfectly, and I shared my meal with the two dogs, whiw err quite happy to be with me.
I laid back down to play on my phone, a sense of joy in me that knew no end (it was available forever. Only I could stop it.)
I decided to take a dose of cannabis (in liquid form, quite handy) to add icing to the cake of a wonderful morning, except I guess the joy was so intense that cannabis had no effect on it, in fact it even reduced the intensity of the joy a little bit.
I also, had been receiving hard downloads of true canine understanding (understanding them factually, rather than thru the eyes of a child trying to cope with a strange world)
I was able to forgive my mother more- and am rounding forgiving her fully
I also realized, when I was paying a mortgage on some land I "owned", that life automatically brought "increase" to me, and that the puppies are the same- god, or life is bringing increase so I can afford to keep them, as I find homes for them.
I operated in near full, resting, not forcing, not doing anything I did not feel like doing.
I'm questioning if I even want to test exploding tanks right now
Two puppies I brought to the shop, both escaped, so it's just momma dog and I. I am slightly concerned that she will not take it well if I take the rest of the family to the park and not her. Maybe I'll leave her in the house. But if she is going to stay whole, she has to accept twice a year she can't go to the park and has to be separated from the family. As time goes on eventually I will have to segregate the females/ the males. The 4 month old male puppy was already mounting and humping some of the other females. I do not know if he could achieve a mating tie and impregnate her but I also don't want to take a chance. 8 dogs is enough for now
Anyway it was good, joy inexhaustible.
I also discovered this is the first time I have slept outdoors, completely uncovered. And, had a great sleep no less. Somewhat, slept when the sun went down, and woke up when it came up. It felt nice!
I am probably going to try the same thing tonight. See what comes of it
So far it's working well. A return to the roots
And, more discoveries how I am perpetuating misery onto myself, which allows me to deal with it so I can be happier. For myself, who has been through much adversity, this is a marked improvement in overall mental/spiritual health
With the caveat that this dark night of the soul was total surrender to oblivion and lasted years.
Now a firm resolve not to be miserable
Also when I bring the gang of puppies to the park they are always received well. I also notice none of the dogs start fights. It is usually other dogs. I attribute this to my time on this forum. It is helping me be a better person, and my dogs pick up and transmit that energy, which manifests as play, rest, and enjoyment. Like we were supposed to be