Going out on my own, issues I am seeing

[tundrawolf]

I have had an adverse childhood, there was definitive trauma and abuse, and some of it, I am seeing, was unseen- it was spiritual, if not, neglect.

So, I have examined the legacies of my parents, and have discovered there is not much, if anything, for me to lay hold of- my life presently testifies to this, and not only this, my younger brothers' lives, testify to the discovery that, if I am to "Make it in the world" it needs to be on my own.

Today I began to realize some things, namely that- the reason why I am finding it so hard to find direction is- the Universe told me today, this is becauise I am departing from,

My genetic bloodlines, and the lessons of the ancestors, (Such as, my ancestors feared "hell", and while hell is a real place within this planet, it is not somewhere i need to fear. So this fear, while real to the ancestors, is irrelevant to me.)

However, the lessons of the ancestors, are also no longer available to me, such as, many items of responsibility. I am, reverting to a wolf-like, feral existence, however, everything I am, is aligned with this.

I also see, a deep separation from my, "Family" (Most family members have absolutely nothing to do with one another, across all generations, if that is any indication) that leaves me completely alone- and beholden only to myself- however, also leaving me with zero help or assistance later on in life.

It is a loneliness that I think, few ever get to experience.

I also see, spiritually, where the "old" version of myself, his beliefs, even deeply held- are not compatible with this life I am trying to nurture/develop

In short, my ancestors are no longer the architect of my future- now I am the architect of my future

Everything I once based my momentum into the future- now seems to be irrelevant- and how frightening that is, when you realize- it can result in sudden, irrevocable ruin

Some examples, I have been unable to be motivated to work on the van- perhaps the old me's karmic energies are trying to create a future for me on thsi ranch,

However the new me, that realizes he is starting new- wishes to finish the van and leave

I see, however, though, that- even projection eschewed, that the motivations of my ancestors are no longer in play- and should not be, as I am doing something new-

And, the idea that- the reason I am so fucking stuck where I am is precisely because of the wrong ideas of my ancestors!

This could, lend to the idea that I am beginning an entirely new string of fate, of karma, of my own destiny- my own string of, "Ancestral" memories

The universe told me, to wait two more days before trying to work on the van again, "give me that much" and "do not go off half cocked" which seems to be what is happening- it could be, the origin of my new path, takes time to sort-out

In my previous experiences with the unseen, esp. relating to wolves, and animals, I am seeing that it is perhaps true my old self became prey for these things, in order to grant me a fresh start without the old connections.

This is hard, as "What happens after death" can be frightening

I can only do my best, and keep pushing, and doing my best not to allow fear to control me, as the old me was dominated and controlled by fear with zero help from his ancestors on how to have a good/well adjusted/happy life.

These answers only came to me today- however, when I push my focus into them, and explore the resulting timeline, I do indeed see a future- at least one that goes a bit into the future- as opposed to the future of my old self- which does not exist, or is extremely adverse.

So, that is good, but with the caveat- I am completely, utterly alone, and will have no help, ongoing- I must do everything myself.

[tundrawolf]

I am also seeing, the previous version of myself- were housing some other energetic personalities,

Such as: A Wolfen (Half wolf, half human tribe of folk in Antarctica, and across the universe, they are civilized and ordered and nonviolent.) king of theirs, who ended up getting fucked by the tribe, from what I can tell- resurrected- then rejected, who died of a broken heart from not being able to be with his people. He was responsible for much of my violence, rage, and passion for the wolf-folk.

David, a sort of simple, one-track-mind being, who engineered a wolf-woman, to be his mate, lover, companion, however, because he had "no root in himself" and relied on her for his existence- she rebelled against him (justified, as she would have suicided eventually, killing David of a similar broken heart.)

These, distinct, and powerful beings were operating, influencing, and communicating with me- and I just assumed, it was "normal"! I did NOT have the esoteric scholarship I needed, as I was raised Abrahamic, and that did not allow for any sort of adjustment or unification with these things!

not to mention, I share a heart on multiple planes, with multiple wolf-women (from what I can gather, there may be some deception, it may be one wolf-girl, across multiple time dilations, however, the antarctic wolf girl, and Ladywolf, do appear to be very different girls.)

I was done an egregious disservice in being raised religious, limited terribly, however I also understand these humans "Were doing their best" which may be true.




It also became aware to me, how child-like I am, how "immature" or- better expressed, "Underdeveloped"

How many, aliens are in a similar set of circumstances, captured by adverse forces?