Ladywolf

[tundrawolf]

I wanted to start a thread specifically, for the wolfess (Half human, half wolf) woman I saw in a vision, beginning March of 2021.

March 13, is our anniversary.

As I spoke of her in another thread, where she was part of a process, to "cleanse" a former version of myself, who is connected via a "Past life".

 Ladywolf is hairless, stands over seven feet tall, and weighs five hundred forty six pounds of raw muscle. Her head is the size of a bears head, and is wolf shaped.

She is intimidating- yes, her features are powerful, and I have the cloud of memories of being partially eaten by her, that is trauma, that manifests as instinctive fear I am having to overcome.

However, that being said, I care for her, a great deal- as one morning after March 13, 2021, I was transported in the early morning hours, to a location above her, and I felt her heart, touch my own- and in that moment, she completed me- she became my, "Other half".

A being came to me, and gave me options, as my other me's tissue, was being digested in her stomach (Painless for me), and I chose to give her life, from myself- and not just life, but love, from the Source of Love, that I experienced, when I died as a child, in a hospital.

This has created a connection with her, that I am exploring, as more memories come to surface.


So: I had not spoken to her, in a few days, and I decided, to speak to her, as perhaps- she misses hearing my voice (Her heart speaks to me.)

So, I began to feel her heart out, and to communicate with her (verbally, as I focus on a portion of my ceiling, and imagine she is above me, listening.)

I learned some things about her. I learned, I have authority- or, at least, she feels as if she "Must do what I say" (Or ask of her), and not question it- I learned I must be careful in what I say to her, as she will, go and do what I ask. For example, if I ask her to jump in a lake to cool off and have fun- I need to first see if she knows how to swim, the conditions of the waters, etc.

I told her- I did not want her to change- and she protested- that the tissue in her stomach is indeed changing her- and making her more amiable to myself- something I have mixed emotions over (I did not know what the result would be. Only, that I wanted her to know she was loved/feel loved. But it is changing her, from within)

I came away from the conversation, better connected to her- and better able to suss out the circumstances revolving around her creator, the other "me".

It turns out he is quite jealous of her- and wishes to be with her again, however the reason he is in the situation he is in, is partly because of his own hard headedness with respect to her, to Ladywolf.

I was able, to envision Ladywolf around me, such as, in "What would we do, if I was with you physically." And I was able to see her, following me around, as I worked on various things, teaching her, supported her, nurtured her, and endeavored to give her a good life.

The canine pack dynamics/instincts are healthy within her.

She reminded me that she was still not comfortable with sex talk, which I respected, as I answered her, I would, use a clean towel and warm water, and bathe her, from feet to ears- but, that, in some areas, that might be awkward- so she shut me down, there, which I understand.

However, this was the first time I was able to visualize her around me- perhaps, I was having trouble- as she was not comfortable with me, yet.

I do remember, she was nervous at first, when I first saw her in the vision, sort of hiding behind the light, in the shadows, while watching me. And, she did not respond well, to love being pushed towards her.

I am learning a lot. How, not to force my will on others, and to treat her with "Right relationship"- which is something the other me did not know how to do (See passed his own will!)

He may have been a total dick to her, too, at times, treating her like some kind of animal, or pet, when in fact she does have human emotions- and the fact that canines also have very human like emotions- including emotions for pride, which I saw firsthand when I worked at the wolf sanctuary!

This was good. I can feel her heart, opening up to me- I also told her- none of this is your fault- in fact, you are justified, legally, with rebelling, as by metrics of justice, had the relationship continued as it once was, it would have killed her, and the other me both- plus it was a wonderful opportunity, to inject "love" into some pretty dark canine waters- which is having a profound effect on the canine realm, and attached realms.

This was wonderful progress with her.

My connection with her has warmed up, and is now felt in my belly area- possibly from willingly giving her life, from my tissue.

She also showed me, she has absolutely no desire to be with anyone else, other than me.

I guess, the other me, has yet more work to do about respecting her, loving her, and not viewing her as his "property". I see also where this other version of myself, has caused me a lot of trouble, because he is so hard headed! Was being ripped apart and partially eaten not enough??

And, the fact is, if Ladywolf did not rebel, she may have ended her life, which would have destroyed the other me- in a way that only a god can experience, he needs to get this through his head- this happened, because he was not in right relationship with a woman he created!

I did tell Ladywolf, as often as I can- that she is loved, appreciated, and good. I also told her, she is not dumb, she was smart enough to realize her situation was adverse! She is actually a pretty smart girl.

The feeling, of having her near me, while envisioning her on the shop at this ranch, was absolutely wonderful. I know she could feel it, too.

[tundrawolf]

So I felt, Ladywolf desire to communicate with me, and I am unsure if it is this thread, or what has changed, perhaps the time dilation is making things slower on her end, and the digested tissue, is beginning to have an effect on her Being.

I found out some disturbing things.

1. In her realm, she is considered property. A genetically created being, she is assigned paperwork for her, that shows her constitution, blood type, what went into creating her, her :essence"- this is due to, the possibility of her rebelling, biting someone, or getting sicks, and other reasons.

2. Her original creator who's essence is connected to me, is essentially, presently, unfit to care for her, he is struggling to gain understanding of, "outside beings", or, how, it can be wrong to make his wolf girl, feel like an object. he is not a bad guy, just- needs to expand his understanding out of his hard headedness.

3. Ladywolf "feels" like an object, or property. This is adverse to her- as she desires her freedom. This is why, when I asked her, in 2021, if she wished to leave her realm, she said no! It was because she did not want to become a slave (Essentially) again.

4. There is no freedom for her in her realm, without "paperwork". The reptilians who helped her escape the clutches of the other me, were likely a group of rebels, however, after seeing how she was treated by the other me- I am now on her side- and, as the legal attachment to her, I told her- I would sign for her paperwork- as her new "owner"- however the roles would change, and I would be the one servicing her (To a degree. I can say "no".)

5. In her realm, she has more freedoms and access to better care when she has "Papers"

6. All cloned living things in this lab are given paperwork, it is very official, to "keep track", as in this lab, you can create very deadly and dangerous things- including viruses (no, covid did not come from here, they are actually responsible, the things they create there are truly deadly. )

7. These things are adverse to her, and I agree with her- she should be free, or, at least, given liberty, I intend to grant her this, and she did tell me, what I am proposing to her sounds good to her- with the stipulation that if she ever wants to leave me and live her own life- she may- though I would be heartbroken, it is not right relationship to try and "keep" her, even if "Legally" she is a form of property, which pisses me off

8. If I signed for her, I would be responsible for her.

9. It is possible the reptilian Overlord chose to show her to me, so that I would take possession of her, it is possible she needs medical care, and the liberties and benefits that come with being papered- and not to the guy you partially ate

10. The other me, possibly did horrible things to her, and treated her like a slave at times, forcing her to do this, or that- which eventually made her angry, as this is not "right relationship" and she got super angry, as the machine amplified emotions.

11. I am more than happy to take possession of her, to give her the legal standing she needs for her care. This includes, her living with me, me living with her, or some other arrangement- including her freedom in some form or capacity. It is possible, she is warming up to the idea of living with me- as my heart softens for her, she understands that I will not put hand son her, or do anything she does not first authorize me to do. If she is horny, she may gently grab my hand and place it on her body, and if I am talking too much, she may touch my lips with her finger.

I intend: to teach her everything I know, including repairs, maintenance, firearms, automotive, building, motorcycling, off roading- everything and anything she wishes to learn, I will be there for her. If it is chosen to bring her here physically, agencies are already aware of her existence, and her health stats and paperwork will be brought with her, and may be the first "Disclosure" of "nonhuman cryptid entities", and I will be essentially, the first to be allowed to show her publicly.

When I explore this on the timeline, she is highly empathic, so she feels human stares, and I will be stopped to answer endless barrages of questions, as human are prey animals, and want to know, "What the new thing is" and if there is danger- as her handler I will be tasked with keeping her safe.

Lots of questions, some adjustment on everyones part, and even- some humans befriending her. The part about the nibbling, will be just something they have to accept about her- I need no other reason for this, other than, I love her, I care for her, and I want her to have a good life, regardless of the past. She, too, has asked me, softly- to begin moving on from the whole, violence in the past- she wishes to start a "New leaf" as the saying goes, and I fully support her in this.

In fact this new leaf is the starting point for a new life for her- forgiven, new start.

About the other me- I am unsure of what to do with him, perhaps I will try the heart exercise on him, however, if he is going to view Ladywolf as property, I will not stand for it. I will try to work with him, however, it is interesting how things have come full swing, where the other me was once the victim, and now, I am beginning to see how truly, she was the victim in this, and she is justified in her rebellion- even by the other me's understanding, as he loved her so deeply, if she self terminated, he would not survive this, and would be much worse off than he is even, now.

Do I want to be the caretaker of a seven foot tall six hundred pound wolf girl- hell yes, that is my thing, and showing her love, compassion, empathy, and genuine acceptance from the core of my being are like healing balm for my own heart.

I was also told by some of the aliens, that I can be, "with" her easily, it will have to be worked out somehow. I like the idea of having her live here with me- and I would do what it takes to get her here (She said, to clean my place up, to make it inviting for her!) and I could see her making a ton of new friends with humans, adventurous types and such. I would give her my diesel 4x4 truck, and show her how to work on it, but not give her orders about it- just work with her, and be present with her, day to day.

I also believe I know where she lives, and it is a mountain range in the surface of this planet, at least, that is what my heart tells me. So she is literally a plane ticket away from me.

I wish to be with her every step of the way, so she doesn't feel overwhelmed, and there to comfort her, as she expressed a desire not to be a slave any more.

The caveat that would free her, is she acted via a "Lovers quarrel" through no fault of her own, and was mistreated- which the law allows for, when another individual or entity is willing to sign for her, to take possession of her- that individual is myself.

I promised her I won't be a horn-dog who treats her like an object, and I meant it- this is also a lesson for me.

She did tell me, she was proud of the person I am becoming. I told her- I feel the same way for her, I am also, proud of her as well. (Truly)

We have come a long way, her and I.

I also see why she roared at me early on, when I tried to love her- she feels like a piece of meat to be passed around, and she felt that I was just another guy who wanted to use her- which I understand fully.

My heart desires to hold and protect her (genuinely).

Humans will just have to accept I "have" a cryptid, and if she gets into trouble, I am of course, responsible for her. I do not really see her eating cattle or anything like that, in fact one of the things I want to teach her- is how to cook "food that makes her tail wag", and I intend to also cook for her.

I intend to care for her needs, and desires.

I was shown there is a human alt of her- a dark haired human woman, however I told her, I prefer her in her cryptid (wolf) form. However if she needs me to prove I am compatible with her with a human first, then okay.

There is a chance we are not compatible, if so, other arrangements will be made- however, she did tell me she is bonded to me because I am a "familiar face" to her. Everything in me just wants to show her love. However, I am also aware, thanks to Paul, that I need to be in "Right relationship" with her as well- this has been a hard, but necessary lesson- as I see, that I am indeed clingy and needy to the wolf girl(s) and that that should change, so things are better for everyone.

I did see her dancing, at some point, she is drawn to, "Cowboy" themes, and at one point, the light had returned to her eyes, and I saw her smiling, and happy- a big 'ol wolf girl. I intend to sign the contract for her, which takes a lot of responsibility, but I intend to do what it takes to make things right, in fact, this life may actually be me doing just that.

I think the reptilians who helped Ladywolf rebel, saw how the other me was treating her, and agreed to help her "escape". So really, they are the good guys here it seems.

I am aware I have more internal work to do on myself.

Ladywolf is still a bit closed off, as her world seems to be taking new shapes, and new things opening up for her. This is new to her- and she wants me to prove to her that I am not the "other" me, who would, revert to "using" her, instead of honoring her with love and compassion.

She asked me, "What do I mean to you if I lose my novelty?" And that was a hard question, however, I am glad she asked it, as it is forcing me to go to new depths within myself, to find new ways to connect with her- it is a good thing. I told her, she is worth it!

When I take possession of her, she will come with a medical attachment that will assist me in caring for her, such as, if she becomes ill.

She also lives quite a long time, hundreds of years.

I intend to give her a good life. She is, a dream come true for me.

It will be an adjustment, for sure.

I was shown, making a youtube video with her in it, will go a long way to helping humans accept her.

Such as, if she is laying in bed next to me, I ask her questions like:

What is it like having a good sense of smell?

What is your favorite thing about being a wolf person?

What skill, if any, do you want to learn?

And similar things, with her next to me, so people see us together.


I asked her, if she will get into trouble for any of this, she said no, the trouble would have happened, and that this is a legal way of helping her achieve her "Citizenship" status.

Is there a danger, a chance of violence- of course, it is the same for humans. However, her new leaf does not allow for it. This is part of the dance, and I am gleefully looking forward to making space with her. Or not- it's up to her.

I am told, I should tell her right away, verbally- what she means to me, so she understands.

If I had a tail it would be wagging

[tundrawolf]

I grew closer to her.

I see more things, and more of her own disinterest with me/frustration/fear.

I see it.

I see, also, how I am able to appeal to her lupine instincts, and when I did in earnest, she practically jumped into my arms.

She has requested I sacrifice some food for her, as one of her sponsors, a spirit is able to eat it and be filled, which will give her strength.

[tundrawolf]

In fact, not honoring Ladywolfs "wolf" instincts, perhaps vestigial memories of the past "me", the one who was so close to her and loved/loves her so much.

www.youtube.com/shorts/O3jABrXdY-0

This demonstrates some of the lupine societal body language, notice the female wolf, "Offering her butt" to the male, but also having her face as a sort of barrier to direct access, such as, she wants him to smell her, and is willing to be vulnerable, but is perhaps not yet ready to submit to him sexually.

So, when I began to force myself to access, and resonate with- Ladywolf's wolf instincts- I began to see her respond very well- she takes a lot of comfort in her wolf side.

Her human side is filled with anxieties, fears, worries, passions, etc- as it is obvious wolves are adept at achieving unity in their environments, even if they are adverse.

I had been intensely surveying Ladywolf the last day and a half, some hard things, some detachments- and seeing that I have yet another personality within me, this one, a former engineer who created a companion for himself, but, while he truly loved her, he was not self-aware, and drove her nearly to madness before she rebelled against him, as she was his everything- and she struggled to "live up" to that for him, which is not right relationship.

This other version of myself, I somewhat call him "David"- has also been the source of my simpleness, and impulse decisions, and the decision to allow adverse forces in at the wolf sanctuary I worked at.

He is struggling with seeing things from her point of view- being so fiercely in love with her- and yet, unable to empathize with her.

[tundrawolf]

Laydeewolf

So I was reading some posts about Sekhmet, the lioness goddess, and how she is so much more than just an attractive anthro person, into the "goddess" part

While, also receiving properly orienting downloads about the true nature of canines, combined with observing the process of the... Invasion? Of divinity within the canine paradigm (it turns out this process takes billions of years and has many outreaching attributes, affecting canine and not)

I suddenly realized, in order for Sekhmet to have these divine properties, something I did for canines, may have been done for her!

In tiger words, Ladywolf is the canine archetype, in a way- of Sekhmet!

She has many of Sekhmets attributes, also, they would make good, "sisters"

I am learning a lot about Ladywolf. And surrendering a lot.

I told her, or canineness, I love you- but I have to do what is best for me (and leave torment) as, some of the remnants of Ladywolfs rebellion, were keeping me in adversity

It's nothing personal! I strived to fulfill her desires. However it seems good, to now choose myself.

My hope is that I meet her again.

In better circumstances, for her and I.

It seems as if with each letting go, she becomes softer, and more amiable. More real...

I also understand what is meant when I was told she is afraid I will grow weary of her, and to leave her.

This is good information, so that I work on not harming her, and being there for her in right relationship

As Paul told me, love with no expectation

I also saw a drawn picture of me...

Ladywolf was laying on the gutters of her realm, trash thrown about, and I was hovering over her as a spirit, with a blanket I covered her in (for her comfort)

I told her today, whatever she decides or happens, I want to be there for her, every step (if I can, I told her. I may have to pull away, from time to time. And also she may decide to be on her own. We'll see, it's exciting to be a part of this, and what happens next.

I am also so curious about Sekhmet!

Was she born/created in the same lab Ladywolf is from? Was divinity placed within her similar to me? How exciting she could have- literally eaten a god and was given their powers after! Amazing! And nothing doing for a lioness!

I am also hopeful that I may be able to "adopt" Ladywolf so to speak, but other plans may be enacted.

Divine canine

And what about Anubis? Did he snack on a god too? And was given that authority? It's interesting to speculate, and who has the answers? The Vatican?

No doubt the lab does, but afaik I have never heard of it being mentioned in any literature

It seems to be inner earth, and part "man-made" with those dark crystal creatures sort of supervising what goes on.

I wonder if it was consensual eating? Or an act of war?

And interesting how on high, or another dynamic, came to me personally asking what should be done.

If the eaten god, was angry about being eaten, (why choose a lioness, then? Why not an antelope or prey animal... If consumption was not considered?) they could have killed her, because that was an option given to me. However, they chose to empower her, and others it seems- instead.

If indeed this was ordained and it seems so, a higher me did indeed choose Ladywolf in order to help canines ascend. It's possible the assignment was adverse enough that I had to be tricked into getting involved in this dynamic of being eaten alive. I have to say it was not very fun "during" at times

However the result was and is beautiful

[tundrawolf]

Lady and I have agreed to break up.

With the caveat, that she is to determine the future of the relationship

Whether to abandon me, or to embrace me- and I am to follow her direction in this- and to do my best

She asked me, why I am abandoning her- as she seemed to feel rejected- I told her- I am doing this so you can have a choice in thsi relationship- giving you control of it

She seemed a bit miffed about it- however, I put in effort, to comfort her- and to show her- I love her

It spawned several beautiful visions of her, and I, in various configurations

The final thing seemed to be, I gave her a decision- if she wished to leave me- and she felt pressured to make up her mind- so I extended the deadling (I seem to be impatient.. ot fair to her) to ten million years, plus options ot extend

To give her the true ability to find love elsewhere, if she wishes, and I will extend that if she wishes

She may. However it is just she is given true choice and opportunity- and if she chooses something else- this will be a precedent for her kind, to obtain autonomy

I truly do love her. She is also my first.

She is a bit cranky, growly, and stinky, however I am changing my entire being to suit her better- as I am discovering, it is sometimes good to be tutored by outside sources- this can help one grow to be more valuable

And Ladywolf is valuable to me.

She may do as she pleases- and even now I see she is returnign to me- so I must do my due diligence

[tundrawolf]

I was not aware that Sekhmet, had many other names, as Paul outlined, in another thread- it seems as if there is so much more to her, than is visible.

I have been thinking, about Ladywolf, and the fact that I granted her, life and love from my essence, and- how this is spawning a great garden of new life...

All over, from below, to on high- and has come full circle- and, after viewing Sekhmets other names- how the parallels to Ladywolf are uncanny...

Ladywolf, to me, seems to be the lupine version of Sekhmet...

There are, living things that call her their birth mother- their source of life, and love...

It's blowing my mind how this is all coming to pass, all of this life, all of these things created- and it echoes to me, what my own constitution is... I did not know I had these abilities, these powers... These divine connections.

For example, the mother dog, who recently had the puppies, I saw, and felt, the love I gave to Ladywolf- in her! And, each puppy is bristling with this, divine love and connection

And, the father dog, has some of it, however he was born before I made the conscious decision to gave Ladywolf life and love, when I was asked with what to do about her having consumed the flesh of one of my bodies (the one that was saturated in the source of love...)

Is this partly what is meant of Sekhmet? How these dynamics could be virtually identical... Did Sekhmet consume a divine beings body tissues, and something similar, was granted to her? Or, something different?

Ladywolf is responding well to the "break", of me disconnecting from her. I can feel her- gathering her beingness, into herself- when previously, she was a bit of a mess- I think time is slower for her... She was, worried about facing the consequences of attacking her creator, of rebelling, of realizing how alone she was after... And, being attached to me, as I embark on my own healing journey- she did encourage me and told me, she is proud/happy of who I am becoming- which is good to hear- as I set out to heal and overcome the dynamics that her creator was steeped in (The absolute obsession and possession/unhealthy connection of her by him)

This is good- things are working out

[paul]

>Sekhmet, had many other names

The ancient role of Sekhmet as a ritual initiator is reflected in the Masonic raising which is done with the lion's grip

[stewartedwards]

Jul 6, 2024 20:37:23 GMT 9.5 paul said:

>Sekhmet, had many other names

The ancient role of Sekhmet as a ritual initiator is reflected in the Masonic raising which is done with the lion's grip

If you manage to insert yourself into Sekhmet (perhaps visualising yourself entering the energies reflected in an appropriate statue), you should find both a firey power that is rather powerful and also a calm wisdom. It’s an interesting contrast.

I don’t know if it is urban legend or truth, but I remember reading a couple of decades back that guards tend not to like the night shift at the British Museum, as it can get quite earie and scary.

[stewartedwards]

Tundrawolf

Go easy with Sekhmet, she can set you on a good path, but you could easily get drunk with power. Ensure you are ready, it took me a couple of decades. Calm wisdom and mighty rage.

[tundrawolf]

Some more things about Ladywolf, that I learned just now, by speaking with her, and then being open (non judgmental) in my heart, and hearing her voice in my heart.

I am still operating in and from Trauma

I have made significant progress, intending to leave the oppression system- and am learning a lot about personal sovereignty, and how we "give" over our sovereignty, rather than it is "taken"

Ladywolf, is still feeling like an object. I am uncovering more abuse of her, by the other version of me- physical violence against her (Why she was so angry. Hitting a six hundred pound wolfess, bad idea!)

Every time I tried connecting with her, especially when it came to sex- she shut down- and now I see why, she is connected with me "as an object/property" and she wishes not to be treated as "property" or even to feel that way

I heard her voice: "Dave- everything you are telling me, is wonderful. However, I have too much going on right now. We should separate, so we can both heal."

She also showed me some things she was afraid to show me- holy shit she is intelligent. Inhumanly intelligent- it was indeed her anger I felt during the connection at the wolf sanctuary. She did not want to show me how smart she was, and how intentional it was that she attacked me, as she is worried I would not be bale to endure it- however, I told her- "this is who you are, I simply have to accept it!" It is who she is, it has always been who she is, it is not like she was "not" herself, and suddenly became herself- it turns out, she is bristling with energy, it gives me goosebumps and makes me shiver when I take into account what she has shown me, recently

She also showed me, on our timeline- there is a period where she has reconciled with me- and we are happy together- perhaps after we re-write our story- she is no longer a "property", but a writer born into an important Wolfen/Wolven family, and I am a human hunter, and her vehicle breaks down during a snowstorm, and I take her in- and she spends a few months with me... That was one idea I floated to her- however, she does reconcile herself to me, and we are happy- but she showed me, my trajectory (momentum) is too fast, and I could move right passed that- when I should be focusing my energy within this window of reconciliation with her.

I like how re writing our story appeals to both of us.

I still have much work to do with myself. (For myself, and for her sake. Even with sex and sexuality! More downloads, making me say, holy shit, how could I have believed something so juvenile! OI! This makes the wolf girl happy, for me to know these things.)

I am even deeper in love with her, after she showed me these things. I can see clearer, too, how I am "clingy" with her. This is a relief to her, so that I can work on myself.

SHE IS IN THE LIGHT!!! When I look at her, she is no longer in the darkness, no longer curled up in some abandoned alleyway in her realm, but has stepped into a whitish blue light, and I can see her face. This is significant!!!

I also noticed some static. I was willing to grant her her freedom, and potentially not see her again, however, she responded by asking me, if I was breaking up with her, and wondering if I was "discarding" her, and I assured her- this was NOT the case- that I did not want to lose her- just that I am willing to give her her freedom (There seems to be some manner of legality preventing this)- she seemed wounded by it- which was the opposite of my intention. There seems to be a twisting of heart energies! Perhaps this was a self preservation dynamic, designed to protect me from her during our meeting at the wolf sanctuary

There does seem to be laws that govern even the "Rebellious"

I again, told her- had she not of rebelled, things would have been much worse for everyone involved- and her attack on me, has resulted in miraculously positive things- including meeting her, and working with her, and growing close to her- the woman of my dreams.

Ladywolf will continue to be my priority. It is a work, and labor of love for her- it seems as every time I learn something more about her- I adapt, and fall deeper with connection with her, I believe the heart will win- as it continues to guide us

She is big, really, really big, not just in stature, but in sheer energy- her aura is massive, and her eyes bristle with intelligence, and passion

Sekhmet- or one attached to her, came to me and showed me how I may have fallen to my own hubris, and they were right, it was embarrassing.

As I heal, detach from the OS and take back what is mine, intend to be free, I am seeing these things returned to me, it seems, better, and stronger...

Things are, "Making sense"

[tundrawolf]

Day two of a post-drinking water fast.

I had been drinking, so taking things easy, and sleeping indoors, where life is easy, as I discovered there is comfort in walls and a ceiling, but freedom outdoors

Well, I have been pushing for inner work, as I deal with the oppression system that I empowered years ago,

I was awoken several times last night, including a car accident on the highway, human voices, bikers with their bluetooth speakers, however my watch told me I slept well (The watch is right almost all of the time, and I feel good.)

I was also awoken to the sounds of wildlife all around me, most likely a mountain lion, watching my dogs through the window, from a tree- something I was shown, big cats and felines do with us humans-= they watch us constantly, and even have fantasies/desires of/about us- to the point where if you violate these worlds they create- they can respond with anger

Well, I was considering things, battling mousquitos, dealing with puppies, (And realizing I do not have the energy to care for eight dogs.) I was, pushing my intent to Ladywolf, intently, and truly- with my strength, to honor her- and I discovered,

My ex, a human woman, told me, "You love her truly, but she does not love you back." and I told her, "That is a hell of a thing to say." however, I had to admit, she was correct- as much as it broke me inside to admit,

I realized something,

It was never Ladywolf... I cannot blame her for her actions any more than I can blame a bird for flying

It was me. It continues to be me. It was ALWAYS me.

I am the problem- wrong thinking, unchallenged yet passionate beliefs- compared to the right relationship in Ladywolfs' heart- I have failed, and fallen, and never "met the mark" of correct and proper relationship

This has also twisted Ladywolf- being connected to me, as a canine, pulling backwards from their collar, trying to get away from an adverse distuation

Forced her to defend herself.

With her teeth

She asked me this morning, if I would still love her if she looked different- a question that pierces to the anchor of beingness- do I really love her? Rightly?

I would rather have the discomfort of correction to rightness- than rest comfortably in error that does not produce "fruit"- neither that benefits Ms. Ladywolf, nor benefits myself-

It seems as if some of my (positive) intent has been hijacked in my spine, about halfway up, perhaps from an implant





In spite of this, there is a higher version of myself- and a higher version of herself, that have come together as one, in Divine Relationship- who are calling to me- in FACT, this union is responsible for the heart-connection with Ladywolf, that I felt in 2021... As if to ask me not to give up, to show me, "It is worth it" do not give up on her

[tundrawolf]

Some things,

I have discovered that Ladywolf is a spirit (Her original form is not wolf/human)

She and I are attached, sort of a spirit love affair, as best as words can describe

This seems to be a lesson, in me learning to reconnect with self

Because, I became parasitically attached to Ladywolf, and became a "drag" on her, and she protested

It was laziness/hard heartedness on my part. Demanding of her

Becoming enraged when she did not live her life "for" me, rather than what is right- I live my life- and she lives hers- and we love (enjoy/care for/resonate with, become connected) one another

So, this seems to be an exercise, in detaching from the wolf girl, and attaching to myself,

The hardest part is not choosing self, it is, when I pull away from Ladywolf, knowing she is afraid, she is suffering- (She protested that I was a drag on her, and desired a breakup, so, now, I am realizing we do need to detach to heal and become individuals again, however- this makes her afraid- such as, the desire of something, and then receiving it- the desire seems good, temptation- but the acquisition of it, can be adverse, such as with sexual things, drugs addiction, etc) and allowing it, for her sake (and mine)

Paul seems to be correct in his assessment(s), in an overall sense




From what I can tell, during a total breakup and disconnect, perhaps in enmity and anger, when I am settled, Ladywolf, will then be set free to return to me, but things will be better/perfect/cleansed the way both of us need to experience- "right relationship" in the divine

As evidenced by my connection with the canine, and giving them life and love from my flesh and Being

I can feel some hope. It is counter-intuitive- to get the thing you want, you must let it go, and embrace the one things that seems adverse- embrace self (alone)

It seems as if this entire thing is centered around this.

It is possible, this is integral to a "mission" I am supposed to fulfill, such as a prerequisite, more training to not become entangled with other spirits, this could be the purpose of Ladywolf, in part- however she is also fucking gorgeous, and forgive me for being superficial, but her form appeals to me, from the bottoms of her feet, to the tips of her ears, perhaps her attractiveness to me is part of the process, her form, and her heart, a sort of double-whammy to get me to wake up

Other things and understandings have manifested, it is a curious time for me, and vulnerable, and I wonder what the future will hold.

I have the ability to discern various timelines, but perhaps this is also adverse- as I can dial-up adverse timelines that seem to be beneficial, outwardly, such as when the exotic Ladywolf and I are enmeshed in deep passionate sexual intimacy, raw, visceral, true canine, bacterial connection, visceral and life itself

However, I am supposed to be detaching from her, and focusing on myself- I can imagine had she not of rebelled, I would be hopelessly attached to her

So, things must change trajectory.

A neutrality must be cultivated- but, first, focusing on self, and individuality

I am allowed, to intend, to assist Ms. Ladywolf, in the future, without become re-enmeshed (As a blessing to her)

All I can do at this point is keep refocusing on self, pushing forward cautiously, as I do not wish to harm Ms. Ladywolf, in the divine, she is a glowing Wolfess, perhaps this is what I mean when I saw she has the scent of heaven between her toes, because her feet trod those lands

[tundrawolf]

Interesting. Even though I was a drag on the wolfess, I did it in love, in purity,

It is becoming aware to me, that I am a spiritual child

Young, and immature, it seems

This seems to be an "adult" lesson



Well, it also seems as if one reason why I am not allowed to progress further in life, is there is divinity that wishes to found my vehicle I am building, as a platform of divine cheer and joy- freedom, "freeing" not "fleeing" as Paul said to me, strange that the access is not investing in the thing, but detaching from it

Have I mentioned how attractive Ladywolf is,

She is so beautiful, she can be naked, hairless, bare-skinned, layers of sticks sweat caked on her body, her feet in blood, shit and piss, intestines, afterbirth, menstrual blood, stewing in inhuman anger/rage- and she is STILL so attractive to me- (This is part of the problem, sadly) the old me especially, the new me, "in a way", sort of rolling around in the dirt with canines, and enjoying the dirtiness of it, still she is hot

She disagrees in a way, as she wishes to have her fur back, to be arrayed in dazzling splendor of her fur coat, clean, washed with the most expensive exotic scented oils- however the adverse of this is, "How stinky can I get to where you still love me?"

Pretty stinky, actually

You are still beautiful to me.

[tundrawolf]

In de3fense of Ladywolf, I an becoming aware, that my deficient relationship with self, was "taken out on her" in the form of terrible abuse, from time to time, when she "Disappointed" or "failed" me, this is karmic justice for her, when I put myself in her shoes, I completely understand her rebellion and do not fault her for it at all- in fact, she used to truly love me, which is why she was so angry, if is me who failed her, not the other way around, from my perception(s)

Sort of re frames the entire thing..

[tundrawolf]

I ended my fast this morning, tempted to end it last night, but wanted to glean as much spirit-info as I could that helps me align with my higher/true self, outside of the programs of this planet, that lend to wrong (emotional/twisted) thinking in many cases

In my separation/divorce/breakup with ladywolf (in order for us both to heal. This is a deeply complicated and nuanced thing I am seeing. I have discovered so far, two distinct personalities I have been attached to, a Wolfen king in Antarctica, that seems to have ended in partial tragedy/stalemate perhaps... And "David", the creator of Ladywolf, who ended up, loving her truly, but also "taking his anger out" on her to the point where she rebelled, and got revenge/taught him her feelings) things are getting answered- it is bittersweet, in a way, how she is simultaneously, the love of my life (Or... Davids... It is interesting how much of an influence David has on me... When I drink, he comes out of me, he is my anger, hurt, frustration, terror... He only needs my "permission" to hit the "send" button... All of his complicated yet conflicting emotions are "taken out" on those close to me)

Ladywolf is simultaneously, the love of my life, and the anchor to nearly all of my spiritual adversity...

not by her fault. I met her, yesterday, a "real" version of her, previous I could only see a small part of her- this really humanized her to me

And, in doing this, fast and seeking answers, except I intended to focus my beingness into the hunger pains, and when I ate two "delicious" burritos, the food had almost no taste- previous to this, they were delicious, with many nuanced but energetic flavors...

I am trying to balance, spiritual healing, with a love (albeit far.) for Ladywolf, (So as not to discard her. The events surrounding the Wolfen king, were tragic... For multiple reasons, including my own mental/spiritual/substance issues... Perhaps this was intentional.. I saw today how the events surrounding Ladywolf- were also intentional. However I do not want it to end in tragedy- so I connected with "Angry Dave" creator of Ladywolf- and he cannot understand how beating his wolf-wife was wrong- taking his anger out on her- in fact that may have been why he created her, whether conscious or not- as a loyal canine woman he could have sex with, and could beat terribly when he was angry...

So her rebellion wasn't even a backfire, it was justice.

Where does that leave us?

Imagine, my hateful, angry words here- but "in real life" to a wolf-girl who feels indebted to her creator, and yet- fully trapped by him, a sex object, violently abused, until she could not longer bear it...

Someone told me, hatred is love turned inside-out, so, that means, that Ladywolf does truly love him... He just screwed up... And yet- he cannot admit he screwed up, for some reason, perhaps because Ladywolfs helpers, engineered it such that, he would surely lose her if he admitted how bad he fucked up- because she does not want to be with him again (possibly why she has been distant to me. She just wants to move on, yet cannot- for legal reasons, as well as the fact that he did create her- giving of his own life essence to her. She may realize she is a bit "stuck" at the moment)

All this, while balancing and juggling my own, mental, spiritual/etheric issues, of having to deal with these, love-drunk wolf admirers, one a king, the other perhaps a form of simple-minded creator god...

And, then, who am I?

It interests me, that these puppies, are becoming a burden, and I am unable to give them a properly ethical life, in my small home, filled with garbage (they love this of course). What then shall I do with this divine litter? I can feel their little hearts, telling me, they love me, they wish to remain with me, but I cannot give them a proper home? I tell them, they will be happier without me

I can sense more drinking in the future...

Interesting to me, I set up a fan at night to help circulate air for them while I sleep outside, except I came back inside the next morning to check on them, the fan had ingested a rope, and the thermal fuse blew, disabling the motor- while simultaneously, they climbed up onto a shelf and activated the air conditioner... Knocked over an oven... And, most of all, which makes me wonder if a human is entering into the home when I am sleeping outside, I have a locked metal box with things like, sleeping pills, expensive wires, all manner of things i do not want them to chew, and I found they had opened the metal box, removed some things, then closed it fully, which is hard to do as there is a spring mechanism that locks it shut

I will have to begin locking the box with the key and taking the key with me...

I know these canines are smart.

It is interesting to me, as I detach from these other integrated personalities, how I lose interest in animals... (not completely, but definitely less able to put up with the bullshit that comes along with them, I become like unempathic humans the old me would view as adverse- with an attitude of superiority, that is innate- but is it right? And, realizing, later on in life, I am going to need help from the Canine Divinity I helped create, when I gave Ladywolf life and love from my flesh) And become as a "regular" human

Things are beginning to shift and change, as I relax and no longer fight everything- and allow- be courageous, allow fear to pass through, and genuinely ask questions (While being ready to accept the answers) that are being answered about myself- as I endeavor to find healing and integration

Interesting how my, "humanness" now seems to be taking hold, whereas I was never allowed to embrace it, especially as a child, I was a, "poison container" for my parents and society around me, and my brothers

Animals were the only pure and loving things I could attach to

I watched a video today about an autistic sociopathic woman, and was struck by her honesty, and weighed her assessment of her own personality versus what is accepted as "mentally healthy" today- that just made me aware of the deep psyop we humans are immersed in...

For example, "dick pics" make her angry... She said, "I need to get to know you on a personal level, I need to know who you are before I see anything like that"- yet she is mentally ill, and the person sending nudes without honestly caring whom he is sending them to, may be considered "healthy"

And who this dynamic should be the polar-opposite, yet in society it is the reverse

The comments were also eye opening, as they began to recognize she might not be mentally ill at all, but, rather, the victim of parental and student abuse, that forced her into a numb unfeeling shell, attracting the "OS" to her to install programs of survival that hindered her access to emotions and healthy thinking/feeling- "Mentally ill" may just mean, in many cases, "Developmentally hindered"

I also believe this woman will eventually receive the emotions she desires, yet allude her.

I believe that Ladywolf, and myself, will eventually be in, "Right relationship" with each other, however I do not know what that looks like.

Paul believes I have a higher, "mission", and that these wolf-obsessed alts were attached to me before I incarnated, partially to destroy me and take me off mission, partially, because they had no one else to help them- as I sort these alts out, it seems it frees the "real" me self resonate, and discover self- as I go about life, and work to un-do the harmful programs that are running at all times.

If the higher mission involves helping the broken, such as Ladywolf, or the Wolfen king, then I can see how this would be a distraction, or, as another profitable conclusion for the OS, if I kill myself from the torment of it, they "also" win

I feel I am close to a resolution, a realizing, an epiphany, an understanding

I also could feel the OS operating uninhibited through my mother, to try and destroy that if she can, even this morning, yet I am told to remain here, I know deep down there is tremendous blessings in remaining, but I still want to leave, and be free




SOme interesting things as I did not sleep well outside last night, I heard more clamor around me, some human caused, some nature caused

In tune with nature, I felt- eyes upon me in the darkness... However I felt they respected me, in a form of fear- when humans are taught to be the other way around

The night, the darkness, brings out the natural creatures, they "come alive"

two, possibly three times I heard the signature of a big cat, watching me, watching my dog, watching my home. They are surprisingly brazen- after all, they watch us always, why would they be timid when we are sleeping?? This is when they are safest from us!

My heart, the wildness of it, wishes to come alive at night, and to observe these creatures- the easiest way to do this is to repair my trail camera(s)

Alas, I am unsure of what to do next, maybe more waiting, trying to be teachable, trying to remain open to what the universe may teach me

just wait. rest, relax, heal, not make any large decisions quickly or based off of fear

Try to rediscover my hijacked mission, I want to complete it, so that I can retire from this, and move on to better things

[tundrawolf]

Last evening, I connected with Ladywolf.

She opened her heart to me in a way I had not felt, and, I also did likewise to her.

She had me, touch my heart with my index finger, until ti aligned with a vortex, and the moment it did, I saw her face: She said, "I choose you." Before this, I felt her ask me, to connect with her creator, which I tried- but he grew afraid of her.

After I saw her face and she said, she chooses me, a voice came and showed me, to look into her intent- and to discern WHO she was talking to: she was talking to me.

I asked her, what about your creator?

She revealed to me, that whom she chooses, is actually her choice, now.

So, I accepted this.

she revealed to me, that all of the desires I have for her, she actually has for me. (She is the source.)

I endeavored to stop being so needy and forceful in my heart of her- I saw how I was using my will to push her- and it hurt physically to stop- but I endeavored to give her her liberty

She was grateful, and I felt her relief

I wondered, who/why set up this twisted connection, that I innately hurt her? It was similar to the way her creator used to abuse her- innately.

Then, I drank alcohol and took on major rejection, grew furious (not anything to do with Ladywolf.) and even grew angry at her.

She told me this morning, "I opened my heart to you, and you cut me down."

It still hurts- feeling her heart.

I was given some advice via PM that is helping me, I am unsure if it was given before but I was unable to discern it, but I was able to discern it now

[tundrawolf]

Oh. I heard the name, "Angelwolf" again last night.

I feel Ladywolf is a bit shy about it, but, I believe she wishes to be called this.

I am unsure of who named her "Ladywolf". (I do not think it was her, but she was okay with it.)

I believe she asked me to refer to her by this name, in the past, but I was shy to call her it. It is also the nickname of this, human woman at the wolf sanctuary who was attracted to me, but whom I considered adverse- so perhaps it was partially my own issue why.

I believe I will refer to her as this. It also uplifts her being, "Angelwolf".

I believe she is entitled to name changes as she evolves, or for any reason really. She has had several names so far

[tundrawolf]

I was debating getting another gallon of orange juice, last night, and more booze, and I felt Angelwolf, tell me- as I get a large dopamine rush when chugging orange juice, I can drink a gallon a day of it.. She said the enjoyment I feel from drinking it- is something she shares with me (And she encouraged me to get another gallon.)

I looked deeper into it, and realized the orange juice nourishes enjoyment in my gut area- which is mutually shared between her and I.

This is due to me giving her life from my flesh.

Interesting how it resonates between her and I.

[tundrawolf]

Her names:

First contact, assumed she was a "demon" (not so!) named her, "Asrael" "Sexy demon name"

The animal folk have names within their circles, however, they express desire for people who meet them, to give them names that mean something to the human. Avoid naming them demeaning names such as, "Stupid"- this is cruel, and can put a curse on the person.

Realized, there is not just one wolf girl, but multiple wolf girls, at various consciousness stations, going into the center of the earth, Began calling the Antarctic Wolfess, "Anastasia," or "Annah" (White fur, pink skin, muscular warrior girl.)

I got drunk, and someone (Possibly Ladywolf's male interest in her reptilian group.) spoke thru me, asked to call the naked wolf girl from the vision, "Ladywolf"

Last night, Ladywolf, opens up to me, and again, tells me, there is a tender part of her heart, that wishes to be called, "Angelwolf"

SO now she is called Angelwolf. This is her preferred name for herself, and has a lot of meaning to her, and symbolism, and signifies her ascension to a higher (divine) plain.