Ripped apart

[tundrawolf]

I once volunteered at a wolf sanctuary, where I was deeply conflicted over religious reasons, with a deep attraction to the wolves I worked with. For about ten years, I remained mired in religious shackles, even when the wolves would, proposition me, or flirt with me, actively, as they do, with humans, in overtly sexual ways.

One evening, after "Resisting the flesh" for a decade, a particular female wolf, who had been very sexual with me, and some others, I became aware that animals can be, "zoophiles" with humans, or have an attraction to humans sexually, and, in fact, when this particular wolf was in heat, she would snarl at the owner of the sanctuary, with a ferocity that was terrifying, as she viewed the woman, as sexual "Competition"

She had also, (the wolf) tried, sitting on my face, grinding her butt against me, and used her body language to advertise her desire to mate with me, multiple times, plus, the "knowing" that she was, "Willing", or, at least, "Interested". (Along with some males who tried climbing up my back when I was turned to them, it was not dominant behavior, it was an invitation- dominance is awkward and clumsy, ears forward, growling, forcing one down. Propositioning for sex, ears back, as if he may be bitten back, front paws "hooked" on for thrusting-leverage.)

One evening, I was alone at the sanctuary, and I heard, a sort of spiritual voice, hat was combined, with an urge to go inside with this female wolf, and attempt to, "Take her up on her offer", however the voice said, I would, "Lose my soul forever" as it was, "The devil" and I would be, "Signing my soul" (selling it) to be with this wolf.

Well, I got to the heavy petting stage with her, when I realized- this is possibly a very bad deal, my immortal soul, for some lovemaking with a creature I had always loved, so, I decided to stop what I was doing, and left her pen. Previous to this, the sexual temptation, was so intense, I recall, digging my fingernails into the cement outside of her pen, trying to resist it.

Previous to this as well, a female human woman, tried flashing her breasts to me, and I looked away, trying to maintain religious piety, something I regret as foolish, for multiple reasons, including, the woman took rejection on from me, and grew to be adverse to me. However she was a bit of a bitch, but in the human sense

Well, I had already "Agreed" to sell my soul, even though I did not make love to the wolf, as probably would not have been possible, as people may think wolves have big penises when the opposite is true, they are small for their size, because they, "Tie" during sex and are rendered nearly helpless, so a smaller penis is more easily able to release from the female

Dogs, have massive penises, compared... So, female wolves likely have smaller vaginal canals, and as a human, I am unusually "girthy", and, even if I tried, I may have caused her pain, which for a wolf- cause pain=bite

So there were logisitical reasons why I did not continue to try, though she seemed very willing.

And, previous to this, she had torn her front leg open badly, as the urine had eaten through the fencing, and created a jagged piece of metal, I could see her muscles and tendons, however, she allowed me, to apply super glue to her dangling flesh, and held it to her arm, with my throat, being just inches from her jaws, so in those moments, I grew to trust her, and perhaps, the opposite as well.

Well, after this, I "felt" the weight of, what I assumed were demons, I could FEEL the weight of them as I walked-

And I felt, my "soul", get ripped apart

It happened instantly, so fast my mind could not process it...

I felt, a blade go into my belly

A blade go into my throat

My head turned 180 degrees

My hips turned 180 degrees

Various instruments, thrust through my eye sockets, skull

Something with hooks in it, thrust through my rib cage

And, I felt, an ancient, inhuman hatred, it was so visceral, that no human could harbor that much energy

And, so, I struggled, in daily horror, for over twenty years from this, until, in March of 2021, I had the first of a series of waking visions, of- the most beautiful woman I have seen in this lifetime- with the same spiritual eyes I had when I died, "True" eyes as I call them, as I say, I cannot be sure any human I meet is real- but I am sure, that Ladywolf is real.

Ladywolf, is over seven feet tall, weighs five hundred forty six pounds, and has a bear-sized head, but wolf shaped. She stands on two obscenely (I marvel at how beautiful she is.) beautiful feet, and is built of power.

She was, nervous at first of me, and sort of hid, in the darkness behind her, and at one point, I tried pushing love towards her, which she responded with a ROAR that would have made me shit my pants.

However, I was told by some spirits, they were working, to assist her aura with love.

In later visions of her, when i had calmed down enough, I was told, try not to fall in love with her- which is like asking water not to be wet, and to assume nothing about her, however, in the second vision, her heart was connected to my heart, and both of our hearts beat at the exact same resonance.

This beautiful wolfess, completed me that morning!

Any hope of not falling head over heels in love with her, probably no longer stood a chance after that-

Eventually, memories of creating her, came back to me, where another version of myself, "crafted" her in a laboratory- the same lab I went to when I died- using resonating, "living" waters

I was shown, that the caretakers, who resembled the uRru, if I gave her any more libido, she may become a nymphomaniac, and "Be unable to bond with me", so I added enough "to that point"- a decision that was perhaps regrettable, as when I was religious, it was her libido I felt, an insatiable desire for MEN\males, that tortured her, and was made worse when I did not get laid because of religious BS

And, she got her revenge, it was perhaps her hatred I felt at the incident at the wolf sanctuary

Thus began, the several years long, of me, working on "myself" losing my religion, which was the best thing I chose to do in this life, as it not only set me free, but her as well.




Some things I am beginning to discern about this, thing.

1. The experience was horrific. To this day I feel the pain of it.

2. While I was once terrified I had, "Lost my soul", I became aware, it is the clone body of a person in a life, previous to this

3. It was grievous, but necessary. The person in my past life- he created Ladywolf, to be his lover, his protector, his companion for life, however, her Beingness, was sabotaged, and she rebelled against him.

4. Ladywolf partially ate the previous me's body, fingers, toes, intestines. I felt every inch of it, not knowing a large, but sexy wolf girl, was chewing on me, only, that something horrific was happening, in another realm, attached to me.

5. It was the best thing for everyone. The previous me, needed to learn some lessons, in his attachment to Ladywolf. Mainly, he has a one track mind- hot wolf girls. Eventually, Ladywolf began to see this- and combined with the idea that he felt he "owned" (created) her, eventually, her rebellion was natural.

6. Ladywolf, now has to confront the idea that, her creator should hate her for what she did- but, that he instead, sees things from her perspective now- and still has the same deep love for her. He forgives her- and now that he sees it from her perspective- he understands.

7. Removed at her request. There is some miscommunication here

8. Because Beingness is anchored in the intestines, as humans are finding out, less the brain- when she ingested the previous me's intestines, I felt her stomach, digesting my tissue, last year- and a being, perhaps from on high (?) visited me, and told me, as I am the lawful owner of that body, that I had options,

1. Give her indigestion (Funny?)\

2. Give her gas

3. Give her cancer (kill her)

4. Give her life.

I now also realize, this is indeed changing her- right after I told her I did not want her to change.

I told the being, not only give her life- but also, from the source of Love- give her that love, from my being, as well, so she can know, she is loved.

And, so, the being complied, and I felt Love Itself, begin to soak into her being- it was one of the most beautiful things I have experienced.

So, I became aware, of the dynamic, of things- ingesting other things- and the transfer of energies between those things.

I also see, how this event, while grisly, is the most merciful thing to happen to me, and is teaching me valuable lessons.

I hope, one day, that Ladywolf and I, can move on, and laugh together about this whole thing.

I wrote this, because, I am also seeing, that being eviscerated while having an immortal body- sets one free. I do not know of one who would wish for this to happen to them, only, that I know it had to, and the effects of it- are priceless. I got to give the woman of my dreams, life, and love. 

I, got to see that same love, manifest in a young dog.

I am deeply, intimately connected with the animal kingdom. I have the heart of a wolf girl, in my chest

It is creating in me, strength, and character- that would not have been possible in the "old" me, at all. In fact, the older version of myself, was highly adverse to many around me, including my beloved Ladywolf.

So, this entire thing seems to be, her, or those aligned with her- including some reptilians- whos hearts are good- to "teach" me about how to see things from her perspective- and truly, when compared to some dynamics, if this event did not happen, it is possible Ladywolf may have self terminated, and that would have destroyed the other me, even more severely- than he is presently suffering. The type of soul wound that leads to death- as his conscious energy is still very much alive.


Still, as i continue to live, and go through this, more things manifest, most recently, a mountain lion, opening her heart to me, and, I got to meet Sekhmet.

What happens after this I am not sure. More lessons? I shall learn them well.

I wish, for the beautiful Ladywolf, and I, to be on some beach, somewhere, sipping some fruity alcohol drinks, perhaps I am massaging her feet, or just holding her, or, if she wants to move on, then I wish her happiness, and to find herself. She is always welcome to come back to me.

As I become less adverse, she feels more able to open up to me.

As I progress, I begin to see, how these experiences are literally priceless- they cannot be bought, these lessons I am learning, and how, strangely, my new trajectory is one of hope, as opposed to one based in fear

It is my good pleasure, to become the man that is good for Ladywolf, even if she chooses to move on, my character is a good foundation for a new future- even with her.

It seems like, each day brings more new (positive) revelations.

It also seems like, I am experiencing life in reverse, learning the hard lessons first, then being set free to enjoy life later, or, at least, it seems that way from a human perspective. However, I was made aware of it when I was younger. I believe I now have carried with me a great deal of knowledge, from past lives, that influence me today. However, some forms of trajectory take a lot of effort to break, especially when one does not see any other way.