Cries of evil, the spread of the OS, an experience today
Sept 2, 2023 11:14:10 GMT 9.5
Post by tundrawolf on Sept 2, 2023 11:14:10 GMT 9.5
I have had a difficult childhood, that was fraught with hard drug use to escape the pain, and recently, due to economic reasons, I was forced to move onto the same ranch as my extremely abusive mother. The abuse I experienced, was physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual, verbal, and aural, I was placed in a very adversarial environment, and I nearly died, multiple times.
Recently, I have begun to shed my erroneous belief systems, stemming from toxic views on God, religion, humanity, even animals, insects, and etc.
I am presently, building a large live-in camper van, and the ranch I live on, is also quite large, so I almost never see my birth mother.
However, as I had, chained my dogs to their area in front of the shop where I was working on my van chassis, my Husky dog began alerting me to a situation outside (He normally doesn't give a shit about anything, so if he barks I pay attention.)
Inside of, this very large, arena, where people can watch horses perform Dressage, and training can happen, it is a quite large structure, 200x400feet or around 60-120M, however, the doors to it were shut, but within it: I heard distressed, pained barks of urgent attention.
My mother is a deeply cruel individual, she has recently purchased, raised, bonded to, and then, sold-off dogs she has, passed some of her trauma off onto, which, if a human is aware of the heart of a canine, would be like selling your children to another set of parents, it breaks the animals heart, and people with a heart for the canine, view this, as unforgiveable.
However, my mother recently purchased, a new puppy, a German Shepherd, and is attempting to raise it.
I see, more, ands more, her trauma, and how, she osmosis it on children, animals, everything around her, it is why, she has no friends, and even her boyfriend, says she is selfish, and he told me he called her, a "Piece of shit."
Well, I went to the arena, because maybe she died and her puppy was trying to alert anyone to it, however, what I found was far worse.
My mother, was in a sealed arena, with two other, adults, a man, and a woman, and another puppy was there.
I opened the large wooden sliding door, it probably weighs, eight hundred pounds, or 360KG and is a bit difficult to open, but I slid it enough to stand and view what was happening...
So, these two adults were sitting, and my mother moving around and fidgeting as she does, and a larger puppy than hers, was chasing her puppy around, and barking quite aggressively at her. My mothers puppy, and I know she traumatizes her animals deeply, I see it more and more as I grow and heal, and it horrifies me, what the puts them through, well, this small, innocent puppy ran to me, and sat at my feet, and I petted her, but she sat with her back to me.
My mother said, "These people sold the puppy to me." because it was obvious, I was investigating the sounds I heard. The man spoke and said, "We are fighting our dogs, we are abusing our dogs..." Almost, taunting me, because he knew, what they were doing was evil.
As I took a step back and assessed the situation through some of the spiritual practices I have gathered on this forum, what I saw, truly horrified me. This was, a satanic initiation of horror for the puppy, and her cries, were please for help. The male dog, even though a puppy, was absolutely possessed with this, dark spirit of terror, slavery, and oppression, and my mother: shared this spirit with this, "breeder" of Alsatian dogs. The entire spirit that filled the arena, was one of, the most hideous and vile oppression.
Several times, my mothers, little puppy, ran to me for protection, and I, gave of my spirit of protection, to her, but there was nothing I could do.
I prayed for the puppy, that she, weather this, her heart, is still pure, and she, may have a hard life ahead of her, much the same as my childhood was, I can see the weakness, cruelty, and evil, has not left my mother, she is still in full practice.
One of the dogs she sold, was a male Great Pyrenes, after this once sweet and soft puppy, had his initiation into the hands of my mother, he became vicious, cruel, barking and roaring at people, charging them, and his mother, whom my mother also raised from a puppy, had a perpetual look of guilt, on her face, always a look of nervousness.
Now, you will never catch my mother, physically abusing an animal, her weaponry is spiritual and psychological. Remember, she is also, outwardly, deeply religious, deeply Christian.
But, what I saw today broke my heart. I am finding, that as I embrace what is true and good, I cannot stand wickedness like this any longer.
I nearly, forfeited my home, here, and told that man, and his apparent wife to get the FUCK off of this property, and looked my mother in the eyes, and told her, she is doing evil, she is harming an innocent animal, and that if I had the ability, I would bar her from ever owning another animal for the rest of her scared, miserable little life.
I am, growing more ashamed, to have to call these, humans, my birth parents, my father, frail in his old age, stricken with almost immobility, likely his karma manifesting back onto him.
I am also aware, that, both of my parents, have exceptionally low IQs, they are, very stupid, ignorant, people. My father, also raised me to be racist, and for example, he was trying to curse Asian people, he said, "Fuck those, God damned, ornamentals!"
No, the word is, "Oriental".
I do not think it is possible for an intelligent being, to possess the level of darkness and depravity these individuals have demonstrated to me my entire life.
My heart is breaking for the puppy. I know, dogs are very resilient, and they have known, many forms of abuse at the hands of humans, I see terrible forms of abuse I myself have purveyed onto my own canines, and I did so without a second thought about it, but as I heal, when I look at what I truly did to them, it breaks my heart, how I myself traumatized them, and I blew up on my dogs just a moment ago!
I caught it, however, and I re-connected with my own puppy, my husky, was the last to receive my trauma, and he, only connects with me rarely, in bro moments that I cherish, but he has let me know, he does not fully trust me, and may never trust me again to the degree he did when I first got him. My puppy, I have nearly crossed that line with her, and I, almost give her too much freedom. Today I was working on the starter motor of my van, and she, knowing my hands are completely at a task and cannot defend myself, came to me, pushed her body on top of mine, under the van, and began licking and kissing me with a ferocity she knew she could only do when I am incapacitated.
She also, "helped" me rebuild the starter, I think she has an ability to annoy on purpose, as I know my husky was once a very practical joker, she did everything she could to be as annoying as possible, and I almost grew angry with her, but maybe she is helping me get passed my anger by testing me.
I do not know what to do with this situation. When I do leave this ranch, if I do, I am going to have a quite lengthy letter to my mother (I know she will read it) and expose her, wickedness. She will not be able to run from it, but at least she will know the truth.
Side note: I was listening to a podcast from the, "Crappy childhood fairy" on youtube, and she was reading letters people sent to her, and in one case, the daughter of a woman, was treated so hatefully, and spitefully, by her mother, that it shocked even me... I could literally feel the daughters heart being ripped out of her chest by her own mother... The things her mother said, and did... I compared my trauma, and, I believe there are even worse situations out there, I know there are, but I am becoming so sensitive to these things.
I do not know what to do about my mother, only that, she did apologize for "What she did in the past" although she claims not to remember it (like my father.) and she recently told me, she sees how badly it "Screwed me up" that she told me about AIDS patients in the eighties, though she also attempted to cover her own guilt by saying "That was all she did to me." No, that doesn't scratch the surface.
Part of, why I hold onto hope for humanity is, when I was growing up, none of this information was accessible, you might not even know a book exists, let alone be able to find it to read it, if you could even afford it, and now, there are endless hours of life affirming videos, guides, text, music, it is overwhelming and free for the listening. I see the next generations, having full access to this, and how, could humanity do anything BUT evolve for the better at this point?
further, I am being shown as I type this, that my spirit, is one of positivity and goodness, and after I left the arena, my mother was convicted, and the man was uncomfortable, and his wife, no doubt, unless there is a vile spirit-sex-tie with her to him, knew, what a piece of shit he is, or it became evident. (Or the seed was planted.)
What a shocking, eye opening experience. Also, I am discovering that everything I was taught/trained to believe was adverse, is my destiny. The people my parents made sure to shame and ridicule and instill a hatred and fear within me for, is the person I am becoming. And, I have less and less shame, and I can see why, people in my parents passed, saw their cruelty and evil, and exploded on them for it, and my parents, made me believe they were "Crazy".
They were the villains all along.
Recently, I have begun to shed my erroneous belief systems, stemming from toxic views on God, religion, humanity, even animals, insects, and etc.
I am presently, building a large live-in camper van, and the ranch I live on, is also quite large, so I almost never see my birth mother.
However, as I had, chained my dogs to their area in front of the shop where I was working on my van chassis, my Husky dog began alerting me to a situation outside (He normally doesn't give a shit about anything, so if he barks I pay attention.)
Inside of, this very large, arena, where people can watch horses perform Dressage, and training can happen, it is a quite large structure, 200x400feet or around 60-120M, however, the doors to it were shut, but within it: I heard distressed, pained barks of urgent attention.
My mother is a deeply cruel individual, she has recently purchased, raised, bonded to, and then, sold-off dogs she has, passed some of her trauma off onto, which, if a human is aware of the heart of a canine, would be like selling your children to another set of parents, it breaks the animals heart, and people with a heart for the canine, view this, as unforgiveable.
However, my mother recently purchased, a new puppy, a German Shepherd, and is attempting to raise it.
I see, more, ands more, her trauma, and how, she osmosis it on children, animals, everything around her, it is why, she has no friends, and even her boyfriend, says she is selfish, and he told me he called her, a "Piece of shit."
Well, I went to the arena, because maybe she died and her puppy was trying to alert anyone to it, however, what I found was far worse.
My mother, was in a sealed arena, with two other, adults, a man, and a woman, and another puppy was there.
I opened the large wooden sliding door, it probably weighs, eight hundred pounds, or 360KG and is a bit difficult to open, but I slid it enough to stand and view what was happening...
So, these two adults were sitting, and my mother moving around and fidgeting as she does, and a larger puppy than hers, was chasing her puppy around, and barking quite aggressively at her. My mothers puppy, and I know she traumatizes her animals deeply, I see it more and more as I grow and heal, and it horrifies me, what the puts them through, well, this small, innocent puppy ran to me, and sat at my feet, and I petted her, but she sat with her back to me.
My mother said, "These people sold the puppy to me." because it was obvious, I was investigating the sounds I heard. The man spoke and said, "We are fighting our dogs, we are abusing our dogs..." Almost, taunting me, because he knew, what they were doing was evil.
As I took a step back and assessed the situation through some of the spiritual practices I have gathered on this forum, what I saw, truly horrified me. This was, a satanic initiation of horror for the puppy, and her cries, were please for help. The male dog, even though a puppy, was absolutely possessed with this, dark spirit of terror, slavery, and oppression, and my mother: shared this spirit with this, "breeder" of Alsatian dogs. The entire spirit that filled the arena, was one of, the most hideous and vile oppression.
Several times, my mothers, little puppy, ran to me for protection, and I, gave of my spirit of protection, to her, but there was nothing I could do.
I prayed for the puppy, that she, weather this, her heart, is still pure, and she, may have a hard life ahead of her, much the same as my childhood was, I can see the weakness, cruelty, and evil, has not left my mother, she is still in full practice.
One of the dogs she sold, was a male Great Pyrenes, after this once sweet and soft puppy, had his initiation into the hands of my mother, he became vicious, cruel, barking and roaring at people, charging them, and his mother, whom my mother also raised from a puppy, had a perpetual look of guilt, on her face, always a look of nervousness.
Now, you will never catch my mother, physically abusing an animal, her weaponry is spiritual and psychological. Remember, she is also, outwardly, deeply religious, deeply Christian.
But, what I saw today broke my heart. I am finding, that as I embrace what is true and good, I cannot stand wickedness like this any longer.
I nearly, forfeited my home, here, and told that man, and his apparent wife to get the FUCK off of this property, and looked my mother in the eyes, and told her, she is doing evil, she is harming an innocent animal, and that if I had the ability, I would bar her from ever owning another animal for the rest of her scared, miserable little life.
I am, growing more ashamed, to have to call these, humans, my birth parents, my father, frail in his old age, stricken with almost immobility, likely his karma manifesting back onto him.
I am also aware, that, both of my parents, have exceptionally low IQs, they are, very stupid, ignorant, people. My father, also raised me to be racist, and for example, he was trying to curse Asian people, he said, "Fuck those, God damned, ornamentals!"
No, the word is, "Oriental".
I do not think it is possible for an intelligent being, to possess the level of darkness and depravity these individuals have demonstrated to me my entire life.
My heart is breaking for the puppy. I know, dogs are very resilient, and they have known, many forms of abuse at the hands of humans, I see terrible forms of abuse I myself have purveyed onto my own canines, and I did so without a second thought about it, but as I heal, when I look at what I truly did to them, it breaks my heart, how I myself traumatized them, and I blew up on my dogs just a moment ago!
I caught it, however, and I re-connected with my own puppy, my husky, was the last to receive my trauma, and he, only connects with me rarely, in bro moments that I cherish, but he has let me know, he does not fully trust me, and may never trust me again to the degree he did when I first got him. My puppy, I have nearly crossed that line with her, and I, almost give her too much freedom. Today I was working on the starter motor of my van, and she, knowing my hands are completely at a task and cannot defend myself, came to me, pushed her body on top of mine, under the van, and began licking and kissing me with a ferocity she knew she could only do when I am incapacitated.
She also, "helped" me rebuild the starter, I think she has an ability to annoy on purpose, as I know my husky was once a very practical joker, she did everything she could to be as annoying as possible, and I almost grew angry with her, but maybe she is helping me get passed my anger by testing me.
I do not know what to do with this situation. When I do leave this ranch, if I do, I am going to have a quite lengthy letter to my mother (I know she will read it) and expose her, wickedness. She will not be able to run from it, but at least she will know the truth.
Side note: I was listening to a podcast from the, "Crappy childhood fairy" on youtube, and she was reading letters people sent to her, and in one case, the daughter of a woman, was treated so hatefully, and spitefully, by her mother, that it shocked even me... I could literally feel the daughters heart being ripped out of her chest by her own mother... The things her mother said, and did... I compared my trauma, and, I believe there are even worse situations out there, I know there are, but I am becoming so sensitive to these things.
I do not know what to do about my mother, only that, she did apologize for "What she did in the past" although she claims not to remember it (like my father.) and she recently told me, she sees how badly it "Screwed me up" that she told me about AIDS patients in the eighties, though she also attempted to cover her own guilt by saying "That was all she did to me." No, that doesn't scratch the surface.
Part of, why I hold onto hope for humanity is, when I was growing up, none of this information was accessible, you might not even know a book exists, let alone be able to find it to read it, if you could even afford it, and now, there are endless hours of life affirming videos, guides, text, music, it is overwhelming and free for the listening. I see the next generations, having full access to this, and how, could humanity do anything BUT evolve for the better at this point?
further, I am being shown as I type this, that my spirit, is one of positivity and goodness, and after I left the arena, my mother was convicted, and the man was uncomfortable, and his wife, no doubt, unless there is a vile spirit-sex-tie with her to him, knew, what a piece of shit he is, or it became evident. (Or the seed was planted.)
What a shocking, eye opening experience. Also, I am discovering that everything I was taught/trained to believe was adverse, is my destiny. The people my parents made sure to shame and ridicule and instill a hatred and fear within me for, is the person I am becoming. And, I have less and less shame, and I can see why, people in my parents passed, saw their cruelty and evil, and exploded on them for it, and my parents, made me believe they were "Crazy".
They were the villains all along.
