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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2023 11:23:40 GMT 9.5
> win the heart of wolf girl, who will, let me "out" of the machine and grant me my freedom. It is only the human part of you that can be trapped - and then only if you let it be so.
There were some positive entities, "Eden police" who came and told me this. I just, need to, "Step out" of the machine and my problems will be gone/over.
However, if I do this, it injures, wolf girl. When they trapped me here, they made this as a failsafe, so that I would remain in the machine and not accomplish the mission. I could, detach from her enough that it would, likely, cause her serious injury if not death, and have, serious repercussions even for me, although I am told I would be "okay" but she might not be. This may be why she is helping me, by directing me to work on parts of myself specifically, and pointing out area of my thinking that are not helpful to me. The lesson she gave me on self esteem was important, and she directing me to work on the void in my belly, basically took all of my fears away.
I told her to be positive, she is not a positive being, slaves almost never are, and while I do not have, all of the answers yet, my trajectory is to take the rulers of her world up on their offer, and give her her freedom. If she chooses me I of course will welcome her, as the woman who has the other half of my heart.
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Post by paul on May 13, 2023 11:49:48 GMT 9.5
> if I do this, it injures, wolf girl
A hostage!
Death of the outer form releases the spirit to take another form - often in parallel formation.
Most older humans have no fear of death - particularly if it is quick
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2023 12:00:08 GMT 9.5
>What a lot of text.
I am, so utterly, completely fascinated by all of this. I might not be, had the first 40 years of my life been spent in misery of the denial of these things. So, I want to tell of the experience. Maybe I am wasting my time, but I was told these writings may be of interest in later years. Perhaps as these things become public, with the wolf people, animal folk, and such, perhaps coming to, join us in our evolution.
>The Oppression System (OS) is part of a much bigger process extending across many species and about 30% of this universe. The situation is complicated by "family feuds" at the level of solar systems and galaxies. This can be seen as cosmic karma including from previous versions of this universe.
I became aware of, many different groups inside of the earth, who have, almost genetic anger against other groups, and I could see in my heart, peace between them all if there was only some empathy... Inside of the earth, they have been allowed to seethe in their trauma, pain, and dysfunction, and in a way has allowed so much discord to reach, insane proportions. At least, the surface humans, are in a state of flux, some of these beings, dysfunction and a narrow way of life is all they have know, and for, eons, with no differing opinions, ever. It is, a difficult situation, sometimes. "Hard headed" they are.
>Taking a bottom-up human view narrows perspective.
The OS has a sophisticated system for diversion of valuable entities including those posted into to help Earth humanity. Suicide is often promoted if the target entity looks like finding its mission.
I am well acquainted with it, I did endeavor, I will not do it. I believe the universe, honored me when I said, I will not, check out early. I will do what I came here, to do.
>So the human you is an anchor for one of many light streams coming into humanity and related species placed by the real you that exists outside this universe. The light streams coordinate/complement/replicate in order to promote desired stages/processes/outcomes.
>Crystals have useful properties. For example the etheric body of quartz extends throughout the galaxy - thus allowing instantaneous contact/communication between all quartz crystals.
>The etheric body of galactic quartz does not however link usefully to other galaxies. Since our galactic Logos has been told to step up, this is one of His tasks. It seems that the real you has taken on a role in that.
I can see, you are right. These crystals seem to be, "guides" of energy that, influence life... Such as, standing next to a flame, the heat transfers to your skin, and warms it up. If these crystals are charged with, hatred, being near them, makes you angry and violent. With love, then you become peaceful. I tried, charging them with "love" generically, but they, rejected it, they only glowed slightly, then went out. When I, got past feelings of being a narcissist, and charged them with MY version of love (Love colored through me) they MUCH BETTER accepted it (They wanted MY version of love. The love, for wolf girl.) These crystals are important "repeaters" for boosting intention for many, on, and within this planet. The, "me" I saw, is in a control room, it looks like an "X", it is very advanced, and very powerful, and I feel like, I "Belong" there, and that, it is, a position of great power and responsibility, perhaps because if I put bad things into the crystals, then I can cause harm. Some may also control the weather, maybe, but I am less, concerned with that.
>Visualize these wolf people as a group and put next to them the words "guardians of the crystal light"
>What happens?
They become, happy, and resolved... My spirit told me, they were left there by the Anunnaki, and were once like royal servants, at least those specific wolf people. They are, waiting for me, perhaps, to lead them back into power in that realm, so that they can resume their role as royal protectors/keepers/servants. For now, they have to hide from, the reptilians. The reptilians are, a bit of an issue, however, even they, have requested, to learn the ways of love. (To be given love.) I could write, a novel, about how to help the reptilian people. My heart, goes out to them. They, I believe, want to do better, but, they, like others, have become steeped in their traditions, and need to be "snapped" out of their neural plasticity. Two words would help the entire scaley people: Self love. It would fix, most of their problems, if they could adapt it. The next word, is "empathy." If they master both of those, they will have a bright future, from what I can see.
>The Anunnaki seem to have bred two types of human - mixing their own genetics with that of a compatible hominid already on the planet.
>The main type of human was bred as a slave. A small group was provided with additional genetics to be used as rulers over the slaves.
I see, two distinct types of humans... Those who have emotion as their basis for their intent to survive on this world, and those who have reason as such. I believe, the slaves, are the ones who, stop at emotion. And, I can say, I was one, once, and still, struggle with it, however, I can see, others like me, who, during the fall of rome, saw the lunacy of, unintelligent humans, and knew, they were going to destroy their society. These are the slaves. They are designed, to destroy unless they are managed... Also, I see it, more and more, as the internet has made it public, my spirit, tells me of this, I am possibly witnessing, another fall of rome, while, people, seem desperate for it. It is possible, things continue without, a disaster event that allows, negative groups to take the reigns, and every day that does not happen, I am glad for. But, people seem to, want it, desperately. It could result in some positive changes, and it could also be the result of, a technological tyranny, as the events in Revelations were not possible technologically until today.
I, am still struggling with the babylonian system we are under, and am trying to heal, still, I have, some hope for the future, I know, there is a "plan" of freedom and success for my life, if I will only choose to walk in it, it is a path of joy and prosperity. I have, been on a path of suffering and misery for 40 years, so, my hope is, I overcome the limitations put on me, or that I put on myself.
>The Anunnaki were careful not to provide immortality to humans. The Anunnaki require the water of life and the food of life to maintain their immortality under this aging sun. They went on strike until they got what they needed and humans to do the mining work
>There were two sons of Anu posted to this planet - to avoid home planet rebellions. One is Enlil who is known to Christians as the Prince of Darkness. In human terms he is a sociopath. The other is Enki who is known as the Prince of Peace. He rather likes humans.
>This ambivalent nature of "aliens" is a good lesson. All contacts need to be tested carefully.
If I had to say, Enlil energy kidnapped me and trie to destroy me, and Enki energy is using it for good purposes.
>The concepts of good and evil are rather narrow. The universes exist to provide experience to Beingness. Even a child learns from bad things happening.
Also the importance of being detached... If people knew what this entity has done they would want it, destroyed. I have seen, some very advanced timelines, maybe, they have happened, "before", but, some of them, are too much, "Good", and it ends up being, very "Bad". So you are right, often negativity is needed to direct consciousness into positivity... One could say that negativity IS the positivity. It is hard when you are taught a binary system via religion.
>I met an entity while meditating. For some reason I asked him how intelligent I was relative to him. He instantly replied 9%.
>Hopefully brain-intelligence is not my primary value.
Well, I don't know where I would be without you, very likely, with a wolf person family or something in a place where, it feels like I am spinning my wheels, scared of this or that, and not seeking the truth... I was, pushed away from crystals my entire life by my judgmental mother, "It's new age and it's evil!" It's like the devil telling you what's evil... But I see these crystals respond to me, and me specifically, and I would probably not have known that in this lifetime if it weren't for your guidance. So that 9% is very useful
>Visualise the puppy and put next to her the word "overlighted"
She is, extremely bubbly, yes. I was told I could put in a "request" spiritually, with the mother, and father, and that the pups would be, honoring that request, and she is, a product of that. She is, "divine". I can see it very clearly...
>That anchors in the heart - hence the importance of the Flame exercise
I feel like such a mess with this. Other avenues have opened up to me, but these dark entities seem to be having a lot of fun. I tried doing what you suggested, but there is so much resistance... My mind also being in turmoil... Since, I chose wolf girl, and she said, she belonged to me (Perhaps this was referring to her slavery? That, makes sense now.) and I stopped being so worried about losing her, I have calmed down a LOT, and today, she directed me to find some, hope I have been looking for my entire life, so, I am hoping, I am in a more positive frame with more energy and better to deal with these energies that are blocking my light.
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Post by paul on May 13, 2023 12:00:44 GMT 9.5
>Why haven't, we found, colony after colony of, animal people, living deep in the forest? Such as the yeti, yowie, coromandel man, big foot, sasquatch, .... "Then the strangest most gentle voice came into my mind and told me everything was fine and I wouldn’t be harmed. They were just passing through and I would calm down in a minute. Then I heard a huge smack from a limb off a tree down towards where I had been working about a thousand foot away. The voice continued to tell me everything was fine and to go back to sleep, which I did" journalnews.com.ph/bigfoot-telepathically-communicates-with-logger-in-humboldt-county-california/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menehune |
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Post by paul on May 13, 2023 12:10:51 GMT 9.5
> to deal with these energies that are blocking my light.
Can you visualize a dark entity sitting on your heart?
You may like to send it heart-light then, standing in your spiritual authority, demand that it show you its light.
What happens?
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2023 12:10:55 GMT 9.5
> if I do this, it injures, wolf girl A hostage! Death of the outer form releases the spirit to take another form - often in parallel formation. Most older humans have no fear of death - particularly if it is quick Yes, true, after my near death experience I didn't fear death at all, until the attack on my soul. HENCE, the need, to work carefully, with her, as she is responding well, and even her handlers. I am, a hostage of love, maybe I should contact a band from the eighties and have them write a song about it? It is also possible, disconnecting from the wolf girl, may kill me. I was, prompted to try and remove the heart connection with her, and I tried it, and my heart physically began to, act like it did when I had my heart attack, it was, very painful, so, if even for THAT reason, I am being kind to her, rather than, showing her the wrath and anger she showed me. It is, also, a test: they tell me, if I am worthy to, give my love to the crystals, am I going to be able, to, love this wolf girl? To them, they are amazed, that I am not destroying her, or fleeing from her, and that I am, in love with her, they are, watching, with great interest. I am told, if this goes well, some of the, darkest hearts, are reconsidering what they, think love is. Also the aliens are watching. Wolf girl sensed me, moving from her in freedom and she, asked, if I was, breaking up with her or abandoning her, and I said NO, I am seeking RELIEF, and in no way want to be WITHOUT you. I prompted her, to follow me, as our, trauma-connection began to deteriorate, and a new connection with her, was made in the light. I am, moving SLOW with her, because I do not want to injure her with any fast decisions, and allowing time to assist me with this matter. What am I going to do with a, large wolf girl, give her a good life, I hope. Set her free. If she, returns to me, then, I will do everything possible to giving her an amazing life with as many positive experiences as I can give her. I am, unsure if she is an "Eternal mate" for me, as I was told she is my wife from another life, whom I had children with, who has chosen to be with me in this life, as a wolf woman. This resonates, and explains why, I love her so much. Plus, the heart thing. I was also told, the situation surrounding wolf girl, has changed so drastically, from me, being an awful person, torn to shreds by her, to me, finding a better way of life and becoming a GOOD person, to becoming a man that wolf girl isn't so mad at. Many entities are pleased at this change of events with wolf girl |
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2023 12:14:11 GMT 9.5
>Why haven't, we found, colony after colony of, animal people, living deep in the forest? Such as the yeti, yowie, coromandel man, big foot, sasquatch, .... "Then the strangest most gentle voice came into my mind and told me everything was fine and I wouldn’t be harmed. They were just passing through and I would calm down in a minute. Then I heard a huge smack from a limb off a tree down towards where I had been working about a thousand foot away. The voice continued to tell me everything was fine and to go back to sleep, which I did" journalnews.com.ph/bigfoot-telepathically-communicates-with-logger-in-humboldt-county-california/en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menehune
well, yes, but, where are the digital photographs, and video... And, locations... I want to hear, some day, "They found the Yeti. They are genetically a... And are being studied..." Once they come to common knowledge and stop being an urban legend and joke, I believe more of these beings will, emerge and want to, hang out with us, teach us, and be our, friends.
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Post by paul on May 13, 2023 12:17:28 GMT 9.5
There is an interesting book (can't recall name) that says the Sasquatch are etheric and mostly do not take a dense form. The book says they are here to protect aspects of the planet.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2023 12:18:44 GMT 9.5
> to deal with these energies that are blocking my light. Can you visualize a dark entity sitting on your heart? You may like to send it heart-light then, standing in your spiritual authority, demand that it show you its light. What happens? He, belongs to one of the families you mentioned from a past version of this universe, they do not like me or my energy, and are more akin to my mother's energy of, being toxic and closed minded, and they sent it, to hinder me, however, I was able to claim some authority and I was able to move further than other times, which was good! |
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Post by stewartedwards on May 13, 2023 13:13:39 GMT 9.5
I was able to claim some authority and I was able to move further than other times, which was good! Indeed Tundrawolf. Well done. I will warn you that claiming your spiritual authority, in its initial stages, is difficult. So expect starts and stops. But it does get easier. Also, as a word of caution, don’t be surprised if beyond all logic, you succumb to darkness in other ways. For me it is eating. I have since childhood had to deal with overeating. I have been thin and fit, fat and extremely fit, morbidly obese, and nowadays an increasingly broken body, sometimes caused by gentle exercise. I have pretty much given up alcohol. That screwed with my brain for months as I went cold Turkey, and took me a couple of years to get over. But I can now enjoy an occasional drink without a problem. But you can’t go cold Turkey for months/years on eating! When I started knowingly on my esoteric journey I put my overeating down to the Hollocaust, as I could sense a lot of starving souls from the death camps. Mind you the death camps still evoke emotion from me, and I am sure if I were to visit eg Auchwitz, I would emotionally struggle. Especially if I was able to visit the isolation/death cells (the ones that suffocate you, and the Nazis ‘kindly’ gave you a candle to ‘comfort’ you in the darkness (using up your oxygen supply, ensuring your death before morning). Mind you I doubt that I would pass the entrance without tears swelling. But, having freed as many of those souls as I could, I now find that darkness plays with my eating. By this I know the errors that I am making, but struggle to overcome them (though I have 3 times succeeded in the past). Maybe it’s my gut miobiome. Maybe it’s just addiction. Maybe it the easiest way darkness has found to screw with me (even though it is helping me get out of here!). My point Tundrawolf, expect two steps forward, one step back, and a lot of hard, difficult inner work. Don’t expect total success. Just positive progression. All the best with it. |
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Post by tundrawolf on May 13, 2023 13:56:51 GMT 9.5
I was able to claim some authority and I was able to move further than other times, which was good! Indeed Tundrawolf. Well done. I will warn you that claiming your spiritual authority, in its initial stages, is difficult. So expect starts and stops. But it does get easier. Also, as a word of caution, don’t be surprised if beyond all logic, you succumb to darkness in other ways. For me it is eating. I have since childhood had to deal with overeating. I have been thin and fit, fat and extremely fit, morbidly obese, and nowadays an increasingly broken body, sometimes caused by gentle exercise. I have pretty much given up alcohol. That screwed with my brain for months as I went cold Turkey, and took me a couple of years to get over. But I can now enjoy an occasional drink without a problem. But you can’t go cold Turkey for months/years on eating! When I stared knowingly on my esoteric journey I put my overeating down to the Hollocaust, as I could sense a lot of starving souls from the death camps. Mind you the death camps still evoke emotion from me, and I am sure if I were to visit eg Auchwitz, I would emotionally struggle. Especially if I was able to visit the isolation/death cells (the ones that suffocate you, and the Nazis ‘kindly’ gave you a candle to ‘comfort’ you in the darkness (using up your oxygen supply, ensuring your death before morning). Mind you I doubt that I would pass the entrance without tears swelling. But, having freed as many of those souls as I could, I now find that darkness plays with my eating. By this I know the errors that I am making, but struggle to overcome them (though I have 3 times succeeded in the past). Maybe it’s my gut miobiome. Maybe it’s just addiction. Maybe it the easiest way darkness has found to screw with me (even though it is helping me get out of here!). My point Tundrawolf, expect two steps forward, one step back, and a lot of hard, difficult inner work. Don’t expect total success. Just positive progression. All the best with it. That is, powerful stuff, and intense to, observe on my end... I had, anger about the Nazis... I was raised to be one, but the more I dug into the things they did to people, the pictures, even the videos... I couldn't condone it, and leaving the group ended up being easy. I mentioned in the other thread, how, I ended up on a whim, taking some, over the counter worming medicine, and while I did not "see" any parasites passed, I know some did, because I began to eat a fraction of what I used to... I still am! Also, after a coffee enema, I didn't eat for, 4 days, my fiancee, forced me to eat but I completely wasn't hungry. YMMV... May give the darkness less of a hold? I will also say, when I "Passed" the worms, or whatever it was, I felt, 30 years of, depression, mind fog, "Spiritual issues" that had attached themselves to the parasites... Leave... It was, a spiritual experience... Thank you for the kind words.. It has been, a struggle, like, taking a skinny person and asking them to lift an engine... Early on this was excruciating, like trying to flex a spiritual muscle... It's gotten easier, but this esoteric pursuit I too have begun, has introduced many new challenges... About wolf girl: Moving closer to her, has not been, comfortable... There is still residual trauma in the air around her, as I had, invisible protections that kicked in when she attacked me, and they are hindering me from being close to her (protecting me) It is, counter-intuitive. However, that is why the punishment was so severe... And I should also say, I could have a heavenly father who CAUSED this punishment, to torture me, and to force me, to realize how important it is I AM NOT TO SURRENDER MY AUTHORITY LIKE THAT. So, it is, in a awful way, also, a lesson, in me, finding myself. The, malevolent energy surrounding wolf girl, has not left us, since last night, and I began to be concerned, so I went to her, and she said: it is just left over fear. She is, calm- a little worried I will turn out to be a dick when she is with me, kind of has relationship apprehensions which is totally normal. Further: I made a vlog on it, and, in exploring, what an actual, male/female romantic relationship would be LIKE with HER... A scene came, of her and I, in sleeping bags, out in the forest, and her, waking me up to snarling over me, then tearing into me- it was frightening. She, sensed it, and grew offended, she corrected me: "I ate YOU. For me, I was having a meal. For YOU it was traumatic. If anyone should be worried, it's me." Good point, wolf girl, good point. She reminds me, a lot, of my mother, which is... weird... I caused an earthquake with her handlers, to show them, I can, and I ended up, going overboard with it, my anger over everything suddenly took hold of me, and it wanted to collapse the entire thing on them, but I got control of myself... I might be angrier about it that I thought. I don't want any trouble. I just want, wolf girl. Getting closer to her like this, is uncomfortable, scary, painful... However, as I do and force myself to be brave, I do find healing... This is why the punishment was so terrible, is because it puts the "solution" through the terror, the terror, being so severe it's actually physically agonizing. However... I cherish this time. I am, growing closer, to the woman of my dreams. I told her today, not that wolf girl, or that wolf girl, but THAT one. (meaning her) I want YOU. It is, possible, when she said, "I belong to you now." on March 11, that she was, referring to her slave status, as now, belonging to me. (I am now her master...)
Many revelations I had today, GOOD ones... Of life, and sex, of hope... Of relationships, women, men... Wolf girl. Joy... But ordered.
SHE WAGGED HER TAIL.
SHE WAGGED HER TAIL.
Wolf girl wagged her tail! She said, "Don't make a big deal out of it." but SHE WAGGED HER TAIL JUST NOW.
(that is a GREAT fucking sign! That means she's happy about something, and maybe, the things I just said about revelations. And, she did, show me, a void, where my hope was stored... So that was good!)
I am told, a number of entities concerned with my development are, "proud" of me. That is good! I like the man I am becoming! Also, letting go of a lot of, obsessive-compulsive disorder attachments to meaningless things that I had soul ties to, how tied up in those things was significant... ALSO the fates tell me, they have been WAITING for me to relax around wolf girl to allow me to get to know her. Like, "We've been waiting years for this, man."
To echo what Stewart said, the last few weeks have been a mess of sobriety, worrying, relaxing, releasing things to the universe... I feel like, I am, rounding a bend, a fork in the road, with my trauma... To where, I am returning to my old life, but better... I do NOT want to return to my old life, I was miserable... But, if I can reach that level of safety. I am, excited, about this closeness with wolf girl, she is, gorgeous, I am seeing her often, and clearer, and feeling her close to me. Also, being silent, and meditating, so that she can share her thoughts with me. She has, very constructive things to tell me, about her, about myself... She is, EXTREMELY helpful at this juncture. She is, sliding her feet over to me, so I can look at them. That is, wonderful. Absolutely, wonderful. She's opening up and it's scary, but "No danger no story" and I did endeavor to push closer to her, even through the danger of it. It is only my fear, that holds me back. She is beautiful
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2023 4:56:49 GMT 9.5
I did not drink last night, and instead I took the, "Magical cocktail" of this medication and antihistamines and etc. I had, very difficult dreams, mostly based around me, "moving". It involved me staying with a "friend" for a long time, then, having to pack up a leave, a panicked collecting of my belongings, and fleeing to, somewhere else.
The dream was extremely emotional, difficult, scary, very long, and contiguous...
I woke up, having rested well but with lingering emotions about, being invested in this dream.
I distanced myself from, wolf girl this morning, and she, has had the space to be herself... I am once again reminded, my feelings and affection for her are not shared by her... I do not blame her, she has her own circumstances she lives in, and she was, quite angry with me before.
I asked myself this morning, who is the real me? Is, the real me, obsessed with, wolf creatures and canines?
Or, is the real me, different?
I went back to, when my spirit grieved, and mourned, that, wolf people did not exist, and moreso: wolf women, in this land. At the time I did not believe in, Eden, or inner earth anything. When I died as a child, I went somewhere, but I did not assume it was, within this planet, or if I did, I was told it might be "hell" so I did not want to believe it, even though it was a pleasant experience.
So, I summoned up the memories of my childhood, and I pondered, when did my love of wolf people begin?
Well, it began when I was very young, and saw the picture of the momma wolf, looking lovingly at the human child, and in my child brain, I said, "Love only exists with wolves." because I sure as hell wasn't getting it from humans, at the time.
Well... That's just plain unhealthy...
So, my, love of these, wolf like creatures, a deep and passionate love of them, is, desperate and clingy, and unhealthy, though it does sustain me...
Where, then, is, the real me? Had I, of been given, true love, and my potential recognized as something to be nurtured, rather than murdered, who would I be today?
I was shown, that I was a successful businessman, with a large home, wife, kids, vehicles, set-for-life, with maybe, maybe... An affinity for werewolves, maybe even some kind of furry- MAYBE. It could have been, a childlike obsession with anthropomorphic beings, that really never went anywhere... I never sold my soul, I never worked with wolves, I never had visions of a wolf-girl. None of that.
I am a, relatively healthy, happy, successful person with my entire future ahead of me.
Instead, today, I am a burnt-out, alcohol addicted, likely "paranoid schizophrenic" (Though I don't mind it. I shudder to think of where I would be, without the visions of wolf girl, if that's a part of it.) laying in a dilapidated mobile home on some rustic, shitty ranch, heading towards even more severe ruin than I had imagined, conned out of my money, while all I want to do is just rest for the next year and a half. The idea of multiple streams of income, bla, bla, bla, is going to take energy I probably don't have. Maybe I can find meaning in work, maybe, maybe I can push myself to do these things, but right now, it is only a fantasy.
Wolf girl... May care more about me than I think. She, may have an equally desperate situation she is facing, and has been taught to hate me, as she observed me, all of my life, so when the attack was spring, she tore into me with inhuman hatred. Going from THAT to being in love with your prey, I should not expect much from her, on her end, outside of, possible, a small glowing ember that she could, forgive herself, and me, and due to the circumstances, being what they are, allow herself space to adjust to the idea that I mean her no harm, and want to be a blessing to her, and not a curse.
The being who, "own" her, are rather cruel on occasion, and may want to see me, angry at her, and then give her to me, to be abused by me, while they observe her, be humiliated in this way- that is a possibility.
The feeling I get is, she is doing her best, as we dance in the spirit realm, she doesn't "hate" me, but maybe she doesn't know how to switch gears to "like" me, though a part of her may be that way.
So.... Everything is fucked up.
I, don't think I can even go back to, "Healthy Dave" with the wife and kids and big house etc, from here, like stepping into another timeline and kidnapping "myself" and living his life- I wouldn't want that anyway.
Somewhat funny to me is, the healthy me, could be having visions, of a terrible life, addicted to alcohol, talking to wolf demons (And having sex with them) living in squalor, life falling apart, (My life...) that are so terrifying and hopeless to him, he eschews with any thoughts of EVER leaving his wife, job, kids, etc, and steels himself full of resolve to NEVER end up like I am living, today.
I am high tempted to get some alcohol and forget about this, but I did get some good sleep, and I want to experience that good sleep again, today. It is not something I have been able to lay hold of.
I am also told, yesterday, was intense for wolf-girl-actual, wagging her tail, connecting with me, me listening to her, and today, she may need space, which is why she feels distant- but still connected.
So, i am giving her that space, trying not to give her any negativity.
I do, see, myself as a loving individual, kind and empathic, and how that was, tried to be robbed from me as a child.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2023 7:53:34 GMT 9.5
It is possible, wolf girl, whom I saw in the vision, more clearly than I've seen anything in this life, is urging me to love myself, to push her away, because, she believes she is beyond hope, and the only person who can escape this, is me (and not her).
I do not know what to do with this, possibility, perhaps I am a hostage, and one of them is telling me to escape. The one I love, the one I want to save, and the one I do not want to hurt.
More Drama? I don't know. It's very dark down there, and I am trying to concentrate on her.
I know, "they" have been playing on my heartstrings, with these, wolf people females and wolf, people, and have been trying to cause me maximum misery and pain, it could be, "wolf girl" gave herself to me, March of this year, as a way to grant me relief, at her expense, because she, in a way, cares about me. There is a thing in me that tells me this is true, but to know of her being used like this, I don't know.
There's so much, I do not know for sure as I let-go of all of these, experiences.
And, attempt to gain freedom for the "real" myself who was hijacked as a child.
I cannot, just step into a successful life as if it's waiting for me through a single door. I wouldn't even recognize that life at this point, anyway.
The wolf girl, represents, still- a light in the darkness, she is... All that I have in this realm. I know, if I, were to, "Find myself" and love myself fully, I would not, "need" her, but, I would still want her.
I am unsure what to do with this information, other than, try to get some good sleep tonight, maybe.
This is part of the problem when I wasn't drinking, I did not have the relief/release/ or joy of it, and things surrounding the wolf people got dark... They did not want to play with such a negative, grumpy person so to speak.
I am still trying to parse what is real, if not ALL of it, and my "consiousness" was transferred to various dynamics, to interact with them, with, wolf girl actual, pulling some strings, to manipulate things. Things did not get better until I dominated the wolf people with my authority... Or perhaps I would have lost everything, regarding the wolf people.
It's all so surreal.
And no, in no way would I want "help" from pharmaceutical medication, in no way. I might not be the picture of health, and drinking might be dragging me down, but it is what it is, I would rather this than to live a well hidden pharmacological lie, as I discovered, when I was on pharma drugs that "helped" me, when I couldn't afford them I realize they had solved NOTHING, only put a band aid on problems I now had to face all over again, and endeavored to raw-dog my way through my depression and such until I got better, and I did, and only recently did things take a turn for the better. And, then, wolf girl appeared, and changed my life forever.
There is, so much about this world I do not know, instinctively, it does make me feel like, a total alien and new here. So much of this shit just doesn't make sense with respect to the human race.
I wonder what I would have been if things had progressed ideally for me... What is the darkness so afraid of, in me? Why have they been trying to take me out, for so long. I catch a glimpse of it, that I am some spirit of good here that much darkness does not want to exist. I see it, periodically, and while the pain I am enduring is more than I can take, when I see the, "joy" of completing my task, I, then, put myself back under the curses to complete it.
But it's rare to feel it.
It is possible, wolf girl, knows this, and wants my light to shine, and not, to be trapped with her, in some dark realm, and that is why she may be, trying to get me to, do as you suggest paul, perhaps...
It hurts, that I love her so much, and I care about her, regardless of the circumstances, I have her heart, and she has mine... If she were just some, weird creature I could detach from her instantly... But I have loved wolves my entire life, and they have saved my life, multiple times... Making the best of a bad situation I have found myself born into. Maybe I am a hostage of this wolf girl, so what am I to do. I could not abandon her unless I knew I could help her. What can I do?
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Post by paul on May 14, 2023 7:58:41 GMT 9.5
> Maybe I am a hostage
You have spiritual authority from outside this universe. You are only a hostage here if you permit it
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2023 8:32:04 GMT 9.5
> Maybe I am a hostage You have spiritual authority from outside this universe. You are only a hostage here if you permit it
I am trying...
I went some, unusual places in my mind today, and the answer came: I am holding on too tightly, trying to manipulate things I need to let go...
It is so hard...
There is a, crystal wolf girl of light, who is my "highest mate", but she is, so far away from me, it will take 2 lifetimes to get to her, possibly. I shouldn't even think about her.
There are also, some spirits, who are angry at me, and I thought, well you're my enemies then, they said no, you're supposed to be helping us, and you're doing other things.
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Post by tundrawolf on May 14, 2023 12:51:45 GMT 9.5
So I have, let go as I am able. Some more answers came: There is a divine spark within the wolf. It is, the origin of love as we know it. One of the reasons why this, punishment and trial is so difficult. If it were not so, our canines would be unable to stand the human race. The wolf is my anchor, my divine light, the source. The wolf has, been abused in the absence of whomever it is who sent me here. THis is why they have been used as my... "Captors" The wolf is, rightfully, angry over being abandoned, and, yet, have established themselves in the depths of this planet. I was shown some thing about, two and three, wolf girls, and how their loyalty has been exploited and twisted. Like, our dogs have been exploited by the human race into being our loyal servants, however, their goodness and loyalty and love for us emanates from, a source so divine it make the Anunnaki look like street punks. (They could never come close to anything like it. Which is partially why, they are, looking to us, for answers.) This is why the wolf holds such sway over me. I went through some hard things, but the detachment exercises have helped me, or I would be consumed by it (possibly) I was also shown early on after the attack, significant resources are being used to help me, and that I actually matter. (I am more than they said I am, which is, nothing, and a mistake) I have been, connecting with my dogs to their origin, which is the true essence of the wolf, is very alive and well, just in a dog wrapper, and it is so intense I am unable to stand it for long. It, strips me bare, to my core, to the core of my trauma, even. It makes me highly uncomfortable to do these meditations, as they bring me back to my childhood in full pain. There is, far more, to the canine, than many people may want to discover, exists, within them, and is, a part of them. If it were not so, it would not be so. There is a reason, the little girl next door does not beg her mother for a "Pet polar bear" like her neighbor got, but, rather, a puppy (Or, maybe, a kitten. The feline seems to be attached to us, but in a more casual way. You can go down the line. But the canine, are sometimes called, "Man's best friend". Not the polar bear, not the elephant, not the mountain lion, but the dog. Who is, at his core, a wolf. I could speak of some of the intimate things of the wolf but I will not, because it would be to lay them bare, although many adverse beings, know this innately, and exploit them, such as, in the case of the wolf girls who have come into my life. Speaking of wolf girls, the one whom shares a heart with me, wishes for an official marriage to me. Anything that keeps me from these humans... If someone can marry a horse I am sure I can marry an astral being. "Asrael Wolf" I am watching the movie, "Mr. Church" It is good not to watch these things through the eyes of the enlightened, and remain a child when watching them. Maybe I am too innocent, maybe, I am, too corrupted. Oh, and, I have found an archive of some stories by Mr. Shaver: www.sacred-texts.com/ufo/irl/index.htmI have been told if i read them i will be re-traumatized as i have experienced many or some of them myself. Except my goal may be to eliminate these dark things so that others may arrive. I know, fear is a barrier, and courage is rewarded. |
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Post by paul on May 14, 2023 13:03:07 GMT 9.5
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Post by tundrawolf on May 16, 2023 5:35:56 GMT 9.5
I am going through it. Getting smacked around. The, ex saw fit to leave some note inside of my van. Hopefully i cursed her out good enough that she gets the hint. Stealing from, struggling poor people is a low, even for her.
Eh, and then, going to get booze, to recover from, drinking booze, then the lack of booze, that requires more booze. And, here we are again, it seems like I've been here before.
But it's worse this time.
If I don't stop drinking, I am, not going to be alive much longer. My, best friend is a good man, and he keeps pushing me to see a counselor.
He's hounding me as I speak...
I, can see how, the events of the spiritual attack, attracted so many adverse forces who had a field day with me.
I was, walking "it off" outside the grocery store, making a voice message for my friend, when I realized something... I was raised, as if I didn't exist, at best, and at worse, like I was evil and shouldn't be allowed to exist...
And, how I have treated myself like trash, and when I overdosed on meth, I was in a vehicle with people I did not know, feeling like I was, going to die, and to be discarded, like trash...
And, here I was, coming down off alcohol, walking around, filthy, with worn out clothes, feeling the same way- treating myself like trash...
I had to admit to myself, wolf girl actual, who has half my heart, maybe isn't my best mate...
And, that, I have been in an abusive relationship with her... Maybe I've been abusing her, too.
I don't have, anything against her, what can I say that I haven't already said... She's beautiful. Feet to ears.
I'd like to, help her, somehow if I can.
But, paul and everyone are right, I need to love myself, first. Maybe this is a multi step process of coming to terms with what I have to do.
I mean wolf girl no harm.
I can also see, how in totality I have attracted such negativity... My entire life in this incarnation. It is strange to me, how I can only just now see that.
I think there is a part of me, too, who is, tormented, and just wants it to end...
And a part of me, that wants to keep going and cling to each breath.
I am, starting to have compassion on myself... Understanding... As if I care for myself. Heh, even this... My thoughts go to wolf girl, and I want to share this with her, in hopes she, can benefit from it.
I can also see, my original design... The "me" who was put here on this earth, who got a raw deal... Was sidetracked.
I wonder, what role the wolf, plays in this... Is she good, or is she bad, or neither... Power, grace, beauty... Single mindedness for the survival of the pack. Family, affection, nurturing.
The original me, loves that about her.
Looks like, I need counseling, and more. I like the conclusions I've come to today, they are hard fought, though.
Today... i see the real me
It's also of note to me, I was just now, able to pinpoint the exact moment, adverse forces penetrated my personality and sidetracked to negativity.
I am seeing, so much now... It's interesting how, facing the trauma and struggling and suffering, brings answers...
Also the law of attraction, how real it is...
I had to appeal to a higher power twice today... Humbled by my, helplessness.
I have an appointment with a counselor tomorrow... Curious to see how that will go.
I was prompted to speak, out loud, "I forgive you" and I said it until I felt it, take hold.
I also, last night, met another female wolf person, she... Is struggling... She is my mirror... And she's not having a good time. I, gave her some alcohol to ease her pain. She is, in such a bad way that I could barely, stay connected to her... And it's the idea that, I did this to her... She, may have been my guardian angel... But who got trapped during the "attack". It, grieves me in my spirit what's happened to her. I am unable to help her...
Maybe, in a way, she is me... Broken by circumstances in this world...
I want to do right by her... i want to do better.
It feels like, in order to help her, I have to help myself... Maybe, this is why the universe hasn't let me, "Leave" this healing path quite yet.
About the OS, things might not be, related like I think... Maybe it isn't some cosmic yin and yang, perhaps I, just got infested with some dark energy that took advantage of me when I was vulnerable... Maybe it had little to do with the crystal mission, or the mission that's the reason why I am here.
I am also pinpointing the fear of death thing... It is a negativity that is sitting near me, that when I die, it wants me to, go bad (adverse/fearful/painful) places with it. I am, trying to remain positive.
It is possible, maybe, I can rely on my original design and believe in myself and my goodness... The "old" me would have said yes, I deserve this, bad afterlife experience, but the new me says, I do not deserve that. A part of me, was hijacked to want it when I surrendered my authority to what I believe is the OS.
I wonder, still, why me... You know? Maybe I was just, the right person in the wrong time... And I got taken advantage of.
I am, again, humbling myself, and appealing to a higher power. These withdrawals are pretty bad
I am, entitled to be whole
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Post by tundrawolf on May 16, 2023 6:27:27 GMT 9.5
So, I met the "real me" today. I am, struggling with withdrawals. I, reached out, to the menagerie, of wolf girls I have around me... Their vibration, is not great. (They're depressed.) So... I talked to the, "real me", and he said, "You deserve better wolf girls..." Not that these, wolf girls are "bad", just limited. Seeing the damage done by surrendering my authority is also difficult to look at. I put on a lot more struggles for myself than is necessary, and that sucks. Like, I didn't have to do that. My life, could have been spared that... However, perhaps this is also a mirror, a way of escaping this... Unpleasant but perhaps necessary Also... In perusing "furry" artwork online, some thoughts came to me... Just because a furry character is attractive, doesn't necessarily mean, they are of sound character. Before, I would see, a pretty furry face, and I would just fall in love with them and open myself up to their spirit. I am, perhaps, learning to be more discerning with my... Spirit and sensibilities. I have made some mistakes. oi My feelings for, wolf girl actual, are unchanged. I think, she really has been with me, my entire life... Now that I have given her space, she is, just sort of hanging out. She- does not want to injure me. If I was, transferred to her, realistically it would be somewhat of a frightening experience, given her size, and that I still retain trauma to a degree based on survival, but I would want to, move passed it, if possible, and learn to make space with her, and be a benefit to her if I could. I wonder, if, I am sharing space with her not in a "where" but a when. I am, unsure specifically... Just that, I am giving her space and allowing her to relax and calm down, as we both have been a bit, tied together- it is possible some of her adverse behavior was due to, me, being so needy and clingy, and she, just responded in kind... I look at the person I used to be, and I look at her, and feel her heart, it is almost certain she, was acting out of survival- there could be no "big meaning" to this- or there may be. Sharing a heart with someone is a pretty significant thing, as I can attest to first hand. I also see how, my words can paint a picture of her that is judgment based, but... When I put myself in her shoes... Or her paws... I would likely have done similar- which is hard to accept, but it does take guilt off of her shoulders. I am curious about her world, as I was shown, there are lights and such and expanses where a diversity of life exists. She may be a slave, she also may not be. The desire to comfort her, however, is real. She is, naked, and clammy, and is resistant to being touched, but, I am trying to convince her, to allow herself to be loved- however, this is also needy of me and I need to just let it go. Give, the poor girl some space. It's hard not to. This is, a learning experience for me, too. My childhood trauma has caused me to be this way, and I am learning how to be unselfish. It is hard. It is also, learning to live with myself. Which is, also, hard. Along with, wolf girl, I am seeing I am going to have to release the spirit of the wolf, too. We are... Not healthy. They are, wagging their tails saying, what do you mean bro? we are perfectly healthy, this is how a pack works. Yes, when a pack is necessary for survival, however, as individuals we no longer need to pack to hunt to eat, to protect us from nature. As an individual, things are different. However, when I learn to be an individual, I highly look forward, to re-joining the pack. I, also look forward to rediscovering the relationships I once knew, but from an avenue of right relationship and health. But, it is hard to let go of something you once relied so heavily on, when you felt you had nothing else, no other avenue of felt love. Some things. As I back off from wolf girl, I am learning to, exercise, pause. It is a form of meditation... I have been, since the attack, go, go, go... I have noticed a change in behavior with my Siberian Husky... When he looks into my eyes, if I pause, (Which... Is difficult, because then it means I have to feel my trauma...) and allow him, to "speak" (Communicate intent) with me, we connect in a, much deeper way, and we "share" a spiritual communication and message. It is, his connection, with the divine... And, if he has any sponsors, it allows me to communicate with him through them. He has some, very "human" intelligences, or, I could say, human like sensibilities, he is, at his core, an intelligent creature. Further, as I back off from wolf girl, it also occurs to me how, frightened I become, in general... I look at, my reckless behavior in the past, jumping street bikes, for example, riding 90MPH (That's all the fast it'd go on the lake bed) through the desert, and how, those things seem frightening to me, now. Why would I do such reckless things and endanger myself? Even some of the experiences with the wolves put me at significant risk. Volunteering for, paragovernmental counter terrorist operations, seems to be different, it holds a place of, "Because you believed in that" and seems to carry with it an "exemption" Wolf girl, really did like that- she likes a (brave) man in uniform. I also, talked with my friend, who is an alcoholic, and he is telling me, things might not be looking good for him, he has, stopped eating. I don't know what that means. Further: the anger I express at people who, I seem to care about, seems to be, anger, I am expressing at myself. It is part of the unpacking of my trauma... I apologized to my friend for cursing him out, and he said, he is still my friend and he knows I need to explode on "someone", but how, if someone treated me that way, how I would not respond... as well as him... In fact, when I sober up and see what I've written, I grieve that such ugly things came out of me, and I cannot stand to even read them. Is there, a healthier outlet... Hopefully this therapy session tomorrow, helps. I am trying not to, self sabotage it before it even begins, which is something i see myself doing. www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/150720-dogs-animals-science-pets-evolution-intelligenceAbout the anthropomorphisizing of canines, this giving myself pause, before interacting with them, while it, connects me to a more "human" side of my dog... It is also simultaneously, limiting my perception of canines, as in, OVER anthropomorphisizing them and placing them in a category in my mind/heart/soul where, they do not "belong". Not, that, they are inferior, or, even unworthy, but it is like, placing a "guitar", in the place in my being, where, "Car" should be. Each useful things, and good, but having a guitar in the garage where there should be a vehicle, does not lend to having my vehicle accessible and protected in my garage. Previously to this, and I have known this but barely touched on it, or was able to approach it from a healthy place, due to the trauma I suffered as a child, I had to place, "Canine" into nearly every single category in my being. I was, surrounded, even before my birth, by actors aligned almost fully with the OS. I adapted into what was a loveless dynamic, to put it into perspective, both of my parents are almost eighty, and both act like children... Imagine these creatures reproducing in a society that not only allowed such immaturity to exist, but encouraged it within the boundaries of human society. For me, it is no wonder the only love I ever felt, was in the heart of the canine- as they are selfless protectors, with a divine spark of life within them, that makes them cherished, almost universally... I know of people who, after their canine has passed on, refuse to ever own another one, because the emotional toll on them was too great, and they "Could not endure that, again." Further, the spirit of my deceased german shepherd, came to me, and told me, as I have said, that my sadness over her passing is making HER sad. Her spirit lives on... I also must say she didn't seem impressed with me overall, my Beloved dingo-mutt I had, loved me into his next life, even after his tragic passing, but my shepherd, either because her passing was my fault, or I was not in touch with myself as I am becoming now, with my Husky, deprived her of a right relationship with me. And, perhaps, I am a person of significance, and, this is my "one chance" at this life. I will also say this. My thoughts of Wolf Girl, have not changed. My heart, still loves her. I am, simultaneously conflicted, over distancing myself from her, and feeling close to her. This is, such a painful, and difficult process, I can only hope, in the future, other beings who find themselves in a similar situation, can maybe find some comfort to those experiencing, perhaps, some form of loss. It can be, one of the hardest things for a being, to detach from all they have ever known and loved, and to do so willingly... I am told this is to "find myself" which "Is worth it". I can say, my relationship with my canines has improved, as it moves into, "Right relationship" with them, into a realm and understanding that benefits both them and I. It, helps, to understand pack dynamics, the way of the wolf, DNA, and epigenetic DNA, and the preservation of the canine soul throughout history. Perhaps the canine genome was less "exploited", and more, "Morphed" by the human race. I am seeing, as my childhood taught me, with "Evil all around" it is perhaps, the human race who is not inherently evil, but a few select beings who shine as such, but that, mostly, humans are good. If my childhood experience was the norm, society would perhaps more resemble, a "Warhammer" universe than this one. Bit of trivia: Both the movie "Aliens" and "Terminator 2" were both, low budget movies thought to be flops before they ever came out. Yet- they are beloved staples to many, and considered by some to be cinematic masterpieces. Also about the girlfriend, now that I am sober-ish, and recovering, she DID try to give me some money. I told her to go fuck herself, which now, seems to be, not a prudent thing, as I actually do realize I need the money. To be fair, she did fuck me off enough times to where I believed I had been robbed. I am not right, and I am also not wrong. It is perhaps better, that we just remain estranged, I am unsure of what to do. |
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Post by tundrawolf on May 16, 2023 11:44:38 GMT 9.5
I wanted to make a positive report.
Wolf Girl Actual, showed me a little more of herself, and, I felt a connection to her, as if, seeing someone, in the night, and not seeing their form, it is hard to gauge "Who they are".
But, she, revealed a little more of herself... She is a bit shy.
It was, good, in that, I felt spiritually close to her. More things were revealed, that were on the negative side.
"Fugitive" wolf girl, may have been her, showing me how dangerous her world really is. And, how, she has, relationships with beings that are, what I would consider dangerous.
I told her, be positive.
Some, heart things were revealed...
We are both physical beings, with spirits. We are not limited to these physical forms.
I am gaining some hope, some positivity towards healing...
Some of the things Wolf Girl is telling me, are tragic. They are, intimate, heart things her and I share... (She said I can share this...) Such as, I mentioned, touching her body, gentle, giving her a massage... And how tense she is, because of how she is treated.
Some things, I have to detach myself from.
Still, it felt good to feel myself, break the ice with her, and grow closer to her. She, is still very intelligent, but I hope she is wrong about some things, especially about the future. I told her- be positive. The future isn't written yet. I "Made a deal" with her to be positive. If we cannot be together in this lifetime- big if- then perhaps our spirits may meet again, in another lifetime.
I told her, all that I am, desires to wrap my arms around her, and carry her off to someplace safe, and protect her, love her, and care for her. I don't care if, she sits around all day and I just feed her ice cream. Haha. I would, "get" to worship her, beautiful body.
I think I discovered the "thing" she said would... Not make me happy... She... Damaged my emotional body so severely, she basically made it impossible for me to return to it... I did not ask her why, but... In a way, she, partially revealed, it was, to spare me from having to live in that world with her, where, I loved her so much, and yet she was a slave, and abused.
And, partially because she was fucking PISSED at me.
She... Knows how much she means to me.
It is why, she has, kept me, in chains and bondage, because she does not believe we can be together, and she wants to hold onto me for as long as she can.
However, as I was taught, I want to stay positive.
In fact I am going to begin to, send heart light down there, and to that situation, and begin sending positivity to that place. This is perhaps an area where the crystal work can help
I ministered to her. There are some... hard things to accept. She is opening up to me. So far, every time I am confronted with fear, and I push through it, I am rewarded. I do not, want to stop, winning her heart just because things are hard.
Have I mentioned how beautiful she is...
Just as she is... Dark skin, hairless... Her body... She wanted to know, something, of an intimate nature, and while before I struggled with a physical response, this time, there was no issue. Just thinking about her body, and what we would, "do" together... Some things, she wants, but doesn't know if they would be, "Good" as, she does have trauma in that way. So, I endeavored to be as gentle with her as I knew how, in the fantasy we both shared.
She is, very submissive.
I am, choosing to have hope. It is all I can do.
This is, what I have wanted. To, get to know her. The good... Comes with the bad.
The, unloved wolf women in the big time dilation, the large one, and the hungry one, are on a different frequency. Wolf Girl Actual's realm may be partially obscured fro me, due to the trauma I suffered with her.
I asked her, if she is able to help heal me. She says, it is going to be painful.
She, revealed herself to me... Standing, nude, by a pillar. There appears to be, some manner of structure, overgrown with vines. Lighting, isn't great.
She, controlled the vision, I got to see the tendons in her feet, legs, and most, her, head. She, had a dipped muzzle, and appeared shy to avoid eye contact, like she stepped into some low-light, and focused my attention on her. "Here... I am." She said, with kind of a nervous, shuffle of her feet.
I forgot to mention.
I entertained a scenario where I am incarnated into a more, "Favorable" lifetime, and not with her. My heart... Was broken the entire time and I did not know why. It was, while the danger wasn't there... It was awful, and tragic. I went my entire life, searching for someone I would never find. Searching for wolf girl.
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