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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 5, 2023 23:48:49 GMT 9.5
So I did some research and came up with two videos: 20 and back: www.tiktok.com/discover/20-and-back-secret-space-program?lang=enAnd looking glass: www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jnsXPpI_Ms&ab_channel=VideoAdviceI can, with almost 100% certainty, say, that I was part of the 20 and back program, which is where my memories of being with the reptilians, and some of the wolf people, come from. The reptilians, were cruel and terrible, but I believe one, and I, maintained a romantic relationship, which is where my love of reptiles comes from, and, also perhaps ties into my love of wolves/lupines. When I returned to my body, I noticed a huge change, I remember this as a child, but my parents could not have cared less. I believe I became, "self aware" during that time due to the shift of consciousness. It may also be why I have issues with humans with authority, and also punishment like the man describes, because they are barbaric in their punishment, and cruel. I also seem to possess, innately, a "looking glass" type of timeline access with my mind (From the implants???) It is why I can see Asrael in Eden with fur, without fur, I can see a variety of scenarios surrounding the wolf people colony there. And, why I can see Anastasia and I, with a farm, a human and Wolven couple, in a human settlement within the earth, and I am able to connect my being to hers, to "See what it would be like." I am also told the matter/being transportation device in Appalachia, the alcove one hidden in solid rock, operates using the exact same principle: Locate a person you are familiar with, dial the controls, intend for them to be relocated, and their body will appear (Alive, with their consciousness) within the indented alcove. I was shown that there is also a similar machine, but it is a weapon, able to "strike a living thing dead" that also operates similarly, that the Cynocephali folk protect, and it is what the Anunnaki used as a, "Hand of God" weapon to impress humans, however, it was just a machine they used in concert with planned societal events. I have been doing some deep work with Anastasia, and getting closer to her, and allowing myself to relax with regards to her- even learning to let go and trust her. I am also, pushing deeper into the wounding from the trauma of the attack on my soul, and trying to work with heart light to get my emotional body to be twisted the proper way, and the wounds healed. It is, very difficult. Several reptilians have stepped forward, including an old shaman. The attitude is, they are, "On my side" for healing, and there is also a ghost like orb of light that is concerned with the situation, but in a positive role. The, overlord, expresses sorrow over my condition. He gave me permission to strike his son dead... I asked him, do you not love him? He said he does, but he has a problem with anger, and he has "Earned my wrath" for what he did to me in the machine. I am still trying to work with the son, it is difficult, as indeed, he has a lot of anger. I am hopeful, but the main goal is to trigger a polarity within the machine, from negative, to positive. Healing cascades after that, and presently I am still too traumatized to go that deep within the machine that Anastasia is inside of. I see her, she is a negative being, because she has not been disciplined, or educated, and left to her base wolf girl desires. She tells me she feels "stupid" compared to me, that I am quite a bit smarter than she is, and I can see how she would feel that, however, I admonished her, not to speak negatively over herself, but rather to consider her mind, a "Vessel" that can be filled. She went back and forth and finally grew frustrated with exploring a timeline where I educate her, and said, "Sit next to me on the couch, and put food in my mouth as we watch TV." I said okay! Fine! It is at your pace, Anastasia, I am not here to force you to do anything. I also told her, I can sense when she is becoming negative (Pessimistic/negative attitude. I used to have the same attitude!) and will remind her, when her and I are together, to, lift her spirits, and be positive. It annoys her, but she knows I am right, and usually will fold her arms and give me the stinkeye. She is, much like a child. Which in some ways is good, and other ways, bad. She is deeply wounded when I fear her, "biting" me, it is deeply offensive to her, and I have to be careful, because my survival mechanism, fears her. From what I can tell, I am an alien that came here from another realm, I HAVE A SPACE SHIP within the earth, and I came here, good natured but clueless. I made the wolf girl to be my bride, but something went wrong. I believe I was considered to be pretty innocent and unwise/stupid, and "they" took advantage of that, and put me in this adverse situation surrounding the dark AI, the reptilians, Anastasia, and perhaps some others. As adverse as this is, I cannot deny the miraculous positives that have come from me having to endure this, the positives and life lessons would take thousands of lifetimes to comprehend. I was, singled out by adverse entities, possibly by the dark AI itself! For this adverse experience, however, it seems to be turning to the positive. Also, in bonding with my puppy, I am beginning to see her, "Spirit" her soul, her mind, who she is, and sense what is happening within her mind, I am being told this is essential in communing with the Cynocephali people, as they are canine, with distinctive personalities, and I need to hone my innate sixth sense abilities so that I can best interact with them, and not see them as, highly attractive anthropomorphic canine-human hybrids. "Right relationship", and "right understanding." As I prepare for this journey, I am being shown the reality of seeking out the dogmen, and it is going to take significant courage. The probability of perishing, I am told, is 93%. However, I have survived a great many things, and without risk, there is seldom reward. And, from what I can see, in very real visions where I can feel the atmosphere and attitude of the beings there, I do find it, and I do find the Cynocephali- not just them, but Eric... And an attractive dogwoman, who has the eyes for me, I am unsure if she is Erics daughter, only that I marry her, and she becomes my bride, and my protector/mate. I told Anastasia, regardless of what happens, I WILL be seeking her to live with me/us, so it may be a polyamory situation- Anastasia told me, all she wants is me, and she trusts only me. (If I wasn't there, she would have little desire in living with the people.) I am shown, too, the number of cloaked interorbital vessels in our atmosphere is higher than people might think, hovering silently, watching us. I also, wondered, why did the Cynocephali folk, leave common human habitation: It was the advent of gunpowder, and superior weaponry that was growing more available, and the fear of humans harming them. In many cases some humans began to despise the dogmen, and they knew their honorable ways, and sometimes frightening ways, were eventually going to cause war with humanity, so they fled deep into the mountains where they could live away from mainland humanity. In one vision, a dogman greets me by my van, he is nonviolent, and he could be Eric, but I did not fully sense that he was, and, being the human I am, I stare at his feet, then his crotch, then his eyes, and I inquired as to what would happen: if he felt safe, he may grab me by the hips, turn me around, pull my pants down, and breed me, right there, in the open. (Which as I said could result in death, especially without proper preparation!) They are, HIGHLY empathic beings, and if they sense you are sexually attracted to them, they can, and may, act on your thoughts, desires, and pheromones, right then and there. Females, from what I gather, tend to want to be in a more secluded and safe area before, "lifting tail" for a mate she trusts. I am told, this is about their way with things. So, I have to be careful about my thoughts, and desires, because they will, pick up on it all, and their sensing abilities knows no gender or age, so imagine a dog's ability to assess a person, mixed with human intelligence: people will not be able to hide much, if anything, from them. Eric, has "known me", when I see him, there will be a resonance between us. (When I look at him, my spirit will say, "he knows me") I am also aware that the Cynocephali people communicate more from telepathy than they do barking, barking is only to get someone else to "listen" with their minds, and that, to be around them, if you are empathic, may actually overwhelm you psychicly, as they are always listening to your thoughts, and reacting, and their reactions can cascade a humans thoughts into an anxiety inducing spiraling, emotional event. If you have a friendly Cynocephali near to you when this happens, he, or she, will likely notice your mental agitation, and lead you to a more peaceful area until you calm down. It takes a significant mental effort to exist with these people! This is also perhaps why they no longer make space with humans. There also seems to be a bit of a slave trade there, and some of the canine Cynocephali are sought-after for sexual slavery, (warm blood) and can be bought and sold by more adverse reptilian circles. I am told, to keep my head down, defend myself when required, but to avoid politics, which may be very hard, as I have a great love of the canine Cynocephali and seeing them abused makes me furious. However, keeping my head down is good for not becoming a target, and if I stay with the mainland Cynocephali dogfolk, I will not be subjected to things that will make me upset. I was also told the Khukuri blade I had forged for Asrael/Anastasia is too short, and I will need one longer when I am living with the Cynocephali tribe to keep me, and them, safe. www.kukrismanufacturer.com/product/24-inch-sirupate-traditional-large-kukri-kukri-sword-egkh/24" (61CM) I am able to draw from my back. From what I see there is a sort of village with trade, and several communities within, including reptilian folk. Around the realm, is considered dangerous, and there are cryptid and spiritual beings that the dogmen indeed keep away from the human race. I am, also seeing two different types of humans, a base human, the laborer, and another type, that has a consciousness that is from outside of this solar system. I was, driving my van to get groceries, and these, very old people were, pushing their carts down the center (sustained center) of the parking lot, and moving very slowly, so I went around them, and they grew furious at me. I nearly, exited my van and yelled at them for being so, god damned thoughtless, selfish, self centered, and egotistical, hogging the entire road, and stopping up traffic. (I was taught, to respect my elders, [and government, police, only to see the agencies abused and used for tyranny, and it seems to be a growing sentiment here, that even once patriotic people, are now questioning everything they were once raised to believe... Some elders I respect, as they exhibit respectable qualities, such as the medium client I have, who is helping me with spiritual matters] however, what I am finding is, they are abusive, low intelligence, violent, stupid individuals and unworthy of my respect, the memories of my 'elders' abusing me sexually coming back to me literally make me sick... so, now, people have to earn my respect on an individual level, like trust: it must be earned.) and however, the Universe told me: these are base humans, they have one thought in their heads, maybe two. They are also dangerous, and prone to emotionally impulsive decisions, and tend not to "think things through". I may have, a sort of Anunnaki enforcer identity, which may be why I fought terrorism, and bear the sword. "No, you're just a violent narcissist" yes, that is a requirement. However I was armed, and rather angry, and before this event, the Universe told me, it is "Not worth it" to end up shooting some, one or two thought human, even though it might be justified, as incarceration may result (NOT worth it!!!) and it is not worth it. I once, would run into gunfire to protect people, but now, legally, such things are punished, and any more, "your safety is your responsibility and not mine" and only people I care about now fall under my blanket of protection. The young man I posted earlier with the machine shop, is indeed a post from outside of this realm, and he has multiple thoughts in his head (Is highly skilled and intelligent. There is a terrible, gory, bloody video of a Russian machinist getting sucked into a lathe, and his body basically spun apart to pieces, it is a terrible, bloody video, and every time his sleeve comes near the chuck, I cringe! But he knows what he is doing. It is good to hear his wife, I assume, in a positive relationship. I think the Russian video should be shown to every machinist, and the aftermath, because it shows the reality of how dangerous those machines are. Someone said, if you get sucked into one, it will show you no mercy, and no amount of screaming will make it stop. Scary!) It was, frightening, to witness the base programming of the majority of the human race, and how stupid, violent, and dangerous they are. However, it is good the star children are arriving here, as the previous generation gives up their control over this world. Also, seeing the aura around my injured emotional body, is one of self hatred... No doubt from my upbringing, and perhaps the, 20 and back thing? But, how hard that is to penetrate, and convert to love... I am making progress, though, and pushing through it. It is difficult and there don't seem to be too many shortcuts
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 6, 2023 7:54:08 GMT 9.5
I think the answer lies in my original trajectory and programming, before I incarnated in this present form, and everything got twisted around, especially due to religion. I was a free being before this.
I am, out of money, essentially. I have a week left of freedom, maybe a month if the ex decides to benevolently return some of my money to me. Her son still has not made the first effort to return what he took, and I can imagine he would have 10,000 excuses as to why, just like before.
It is looking like, the ad is going to have to go up, and I still do not have spiritual authorization to sell my possessions.
The van is still not assembled. I figure, at this point, with the bills coming due, I have one week of freedom left, maybe two, maybe a month if the ex wants to be honorable.
Start business-fix health issues-sell business-finish the van-move to Georgia-seek dogmen. I am, trying to consume as much business oriented material as I can, it seems a tremendous endeavor, but I know if I work hard for a few years, it will end up paying off. The goal, is to have enough when I go to Georgia to not have to worry about money while I am there.
When Eric told me to follow my heart, I became aware of the fact that that is not as easy as I think, as I have been wounded by trauma... And have wrong thoughts and beliefs, and have hardened my heart in many ways in this life... My focus shifted from St. Marys to the Appalachian area, when I let go of my expectations, and connected with Eric in the spirit realm. I feel, within Eric, a desire to migrate, or move, but that may just be me, however, I do not want to end up travelling all over, looking for him.
If I find a Cynocephali person, chances are I am going to "fall" for them, and it may not be Eric. My goal is to find Eric... I had to tell him, I am likely going to have to start a business up, and it may be a few years before I can go to be with him. Perhaps these years will be spent, working on myself... As well as expanding the business. The medium woman warned me to eschew with the idea that, if I am working a company, I cannot also heal, and rest. I tend to possess a fatalistic view, of, if I am working I am suffering and there is no rest, wailing and gnashing of teeth, yes it has been that bad, however, perhaps in my healing, I can take a healthier more ordered view of it, but it will require discipline, and a more ordered lifestyle, as now, I do what I want, when I want, including laying in bed all day and being entertained online, which for me, is quite a sustainable lifestyle, emotionally.
However, with the advent of pauls post about the dogfolk, my trajectory has taken a very sudden change, and my focus, and goals have now changed...
It is almost certain, that the Cynocephali people have been calling to me, my entire life, to be found by me, so that I can be with them. That my hardest days, the first 40 years, were spent, in a deep heart and spirit mourning that I did not believe they existed... And, that changing with the visions of Anastasia. And then, this internet journey, and now: I have a destination.
Things are, falling into place. It is, also a bit frightening, as the reality of this endeavor is not a light matter. I not only have to watch for adverse entities, but also other humans! If a Cynocephali creature trusts me, I must also work to make our space secure and free from other humans. I am, responsible for keeping our place, safe, in order not to betray their trust in me. I can accomplish this with the solar powered motion detectors, trail cameras, drones, and thermal imaging. Plus, the dogmen know relatively, how to stay safe.
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Post by paul on Jul 6, 2023 10:02:20 GMT 9.5
Not all actions need to be physical. And perhaps some dogmen will come to you if you ask
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 7, 2023 2:24:35 GMT 9.5
Not all actions need to be physical. And perhaps some dogmen will come to you if you ask There may be a dogperson family nearby that might need my help, yes... However, and maybe you're picking up on this... I am not happy here. I see, a few careers that may be able to sustain a lifestyle of comfort and enjoyment of life... Yes, those came to me recently... However, my heart is with the dogpeople... While I am starting to see some light, in remaining with the human race, my spirit objects within me to remaining here, I either was never designed to be with these humans, or, my destiny has changed due to involvement of other beings. Benevolent dogmen: youtu.be/SGhPtgM3HPY?t=1300Full video: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGhPtgM3HPY&ab_channel=MysterySchoolerShows a benevolent Cynocephali, who would leave food for poor/hungry humans. Well, I have put an ad out in an occupation I actually enjoy doing, but is a niche business and was not successful last time... It is possible, when I go to live with them, that I do find them... And that I am miserable, in spite of having found them. Miserable with dangerous humans or, miserable with dangerous cryptids... I have not prayed about this, since Eric the dogman came to me in the spirit realm. I have, also apologized to God. In my struggle to get out of my adverse situation with the reptilians, I have discovered my hijacked "authority" and that, when I am able to re-take my authority, that is when the tides will change for my situation. Perhaps I should pray about the Cynocephali issue, again. My spiritual sight has shifted from St Mary to Appalachia, however, my spirit also tells me, it is extremely dangerous in Appalachia. Appalachia is home of some rebellious and violent humans who are the descendants of the original people who repelled the British from the USA. They are rather violent, and have distrust and anger about outsiders. To be fair, humans can be shitty. And, as the woman says, some of the oldest mountain ranges known to humanity... Other cryptids that are dangerous likely live there, too. My intention, however, is to finish this van: Use my 2005, 3500/1 ton Chevy Express van 800HP, supercharged (Stock Delco supercharger) LQ9 (LS) engine with flat top high compression pistons and internal upgrades Upgraded and rebuilt 4L80E transmission Upgraded and rebuilt manual-shift transfer case (I forget the designation. It is for a 1 ton) Frame extended five feet (152CM) (Done.) Driveline extended (Done.) Marry covered utility bed (About 2,400 LBS, 1100 KG) to extended frame Finish installing 4x4 kit (I have all the bits.) Install ballistic (Bulletproof) glass sheets to thick-gauge covered utility bed, and expanded metal to that Install winches front and rear, left and right sides Install differential lockers, front and rear Install septic tank and toilet in utility bed Install additional 2 fuel tanks for 90 gallons (340L) of fuel Install 80/100 gallon fresh water tank with pull pressure system, sink, toilet, shower etc Install 1,600 watts worth of solar panels Install 15KW/hr battery bank Install pure sine wave inverter and MPPT solar charger Install HAM radio Install Starlink internet Install motorized bed Install 8 camera 360 degree HD monitoring system Install 8 module motion detection system Install intercom Install thermal surveillance system Install upper escape hatch and hunting blind for open-air surveillance/sunbathing Install amenities for companion dogs, such as a system that waits 5 days, that automatically opens the van door and releases the canines if I do not return, while maintaining food and water for them within the vehicle, so they do not perish inside of it. Install a drone launch pad for extra security Install a receiver for 8 solar powered remote motion detectors for a wider secured perimeter. Install two way 1 mile+ vehicle alarm/security system Install 12V heat pump for climate control And other upgrades. I have already built a similar van and lived-in it, and it was quite the wonderful experience. Do I think this will protect me from all threats and cryptids- no. But, it may give me a fighting chance. I may seek to make contact with dogfolk, "Right here" where I live, but this place is wearing on me personally, however, I am still debating, and struggling with knowing what direction to take. Also a bit of irony is, that I am being told the best way to initiate peaceful contact with them, indeed is to give them a small trinket in their likeness, as my words and gestures may be misinterpreted, or my submissive canine body language may be taken as weakness. Handing them a small, 3d printed Cynocephali figurine will help them break out of their fight or flight/meeting a dangerous human mode, and hopefully break up their thought string long enough to consider that I am a friend, and not a foe.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 7, 2023 21:32:43 GMT 9.5
I will say this: This little ditty, a 1,000HP (735 KW) LS (Mine is the 6.0, this was a 5.7. Same everything but I believe I have a stroker crank...) motor, was in daily use for 3 years... The wear he discovers inside of the engine is laughable, by many standards... I remember when I was young, 300HP was considered a "lot" (A large number). Metallurgy has progressed significantly. So 800HP is actually not that much, to these engines. (Forgot the links!) www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCD_bCY3f38&ab_channel=ShaneWhalleywww.youtube.com/watch?v=oD1UFnZbglg&t=1s&ab_channel=JohnDocNever would I have thought to see in my lifetime, that 1,000HP would be, "easy"... I recall having to tune a large bore carburetor, install a camshaft, crank, high comp pistons, just to eek out 400HP for a desert runner... Only to have the motor blow up and throw a rod after 25k miles (40 KM) And this dude above is pulling 1,000HP for 3 years... Ha. No wonder everyone wants to do an LS swap I prefer a vehicle that can, 'get out of its own way', as two of my vans are cumbersome vehicles, the V6 being almost infuriatingly slow... I connected with Anastasia, the naked wolf girl, in assessing my situation... She is a good girl. Her heart, breaks for what happened to me... Yes, she was originally aligned with the reptilian son, and the plot against my emotional body, but, she is a soft, and tender woman, and she empathizes with me. I wish the best for her. She is, morally appalled by some of the happenings. She is, becoming in touch with her higher moral capacities. I am not giving up on her. A number of deities and beings have become aware of my troubles... They are helping in ways I do not understand, but that are effective. When I take-back my authority, I will be set free. Certain things require... Momentum. As Paul said, heart-light is divine and can heal my emotional body. It is of interest, how magick manifests physically in the underworld. And how humans would do well to simultaneously break-free of magickal connections, and simultaneously learn to practice and become skilled as well. Anyway, I am going to Appalachia. To see what comes of it. As my life becomes more adverse, I push back, and turn motivation into physical reality.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 7, 2023 23:57:15 GMT 9.5
There is... Another thing. This planet, some say, is a planet of storms... And, when the Earth gets "angry", she tends to wipe out those who are angering her. No-one can claim the human race is without our hubris. It may could be, that my quest to live with the dogmen, is also a way of atonement... Of finding one-ness with a righteous, and sustainable people. It could be, the humans wake up sufficiently to more properly align ourselves with this planet... However, the great flood spoken of in the Bible is also spoken about in every other religion... Almost nothing survived in on the surface... And as paul has said, recently it's been discovered there is more water in the earths crust than all of our oceans combined. It is, frightening to consider. The forces that may, or may not be at work, within this planet. I would, rather be counted among the dogfolk, living in peace, in a tribal setting. The other day, I got a speeding-ticket, as a human, I a under the laws of elite pedophiles, who are blessed by destroying the innocence of children. They put their laws here, governing as much of human activity as they can, because they feel they know better, they feel they need control over everything, as others cannot be trusted to remain in charge of their own affairs. This is what's known as, "projecting", and I do it myself, a lot. However, if humans who operate at such a high level of distrust of themselves, are in charge of making the, "laws", how will the just live under such oppression, by lesser men? How?? The fact remains, when I achieve my goal, of living with the dogfolk, it will be, as a free man. I do not put myself under the subjection and subjugation of these, draconian human laws and rules, that would seek to unjustly govern my life. Fuck that! So often, these individuals have, "Rules for thee, but not for me!" For example, our 'president's son, starring in openly published child pornography, photographing himself committing felonious acts of "speeding", (175 MPH/282 KM/H) doing illicit drugs, (Crack cocaine, cocaine) and even drugs being found in our own, "white house". My country, even by the laxest standards, has become a shell of what she once was, and what she once was, wasn't even just! It is, a fucking JOKE. It also saddens me to know that, I once laid my life on the line to work with law enforcement... Only to recently begin to realize they are little more than the enforcement wing for a network of elite, child destroying pedophiles. And, they count themselves as on the side of good- it is laughable... Our own "ATF" has taken pictures, posing beside the charred corpses of children they murdered... These pictures are public... I do not fancy this system. I grow more disgusted with it, daily. It is perhaps, my destiny to be with the, by my estimation, beautiful, attractive, sustainable, tribal dogfolk, and Eric, when I find him. There are some dogfolk, who even view me as their savior. About the reptilians, some are on my side, though many claim to be. Some are, weaving magick for me. The son who committed the crimes against my being, is being assessed for punishment, as the reptilians consider themselves, to be just. I am, forcing the son to feel the pain he is putting me through, in hopes he will repent. This experience has been, horrendous, and adverse, and agonizing, and I wish it to be over. I do not deny, however, the good is has birthed within me, and the miraculous discovery, of the Cynocephali people, the empowerment of my being, and the discovery of my true form, all good things. I wish to, not be in pain, however, and wish to be healed, as Paul said, with the heart light. It is taking time, however, and is proving to be a process... I have struggled and suffered for forty years, for 20 horrendously due to the inner earth activities, and only wish to be healed and to rest, but not to die, to resume my life, perhaps with the dogmen.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 8, 2023 14:59:16 GMT 9.5
I did not make that it came from twitter. I wanted to list some positivity. I think some astrological things are happening... My situation in the machine With Anastasia and the reptilians is beginning to change for the better. I have been working hard, to instill positivity in the realm, to repair damage and injuries, and I am becoming hopeful. Anastasia is, becoming closer to me, and she tells me some things. She is afraid of losing me, and is holding onto me, for fear I will find another wolf girl, and "go with" her. The, momentum of our relationship is changing, however, I am very close to her, and I do love her... Sometimes, she forgets we share a heart... Even if I did go with another, I do not think my heart would allow me to be away from Anastasia for long. I know the situation is suboptimal, I know there are better mates for me, but I also technically created her for me, and in a way, I am responsible for and to her. The visions we share, of her, on my farm in the inner earth, are acceptable. That morning I saw her, and the subsequent mornings, I felt her heart beating in my chest, and connected with her mind, even though I was told to assume nothing, I fell in love with her. She may yet choose a different path, and if she does, I truly hope she finds happiness, and what she is looking for. I asked her, not to give up on me, either. Because this work I am doing, separates me from her. However, the visions of our farm, and work together, are things I DO want to do with her. I am not giving up on her, and I am not giving up on the hope of the machine. The transporter, uses light, and transports living matter with a flash of light. It may be that Anastasia and I find ourselves in a bit of a polyamory, but I do intend to give her the life she desires from me. I am requesting some dogmen to be brought to me, so that I may learn from them. There is a noble dogman, in the mountains nearby, all I need do is finish the van and go to him. I am told milkbones dog treats will be a great snack to give him. (Good to know!) The reptilian overlord, is for us, and views my pursuit of Anastasias heart, to be, "noble". He wants her and I to be together, and as I believe, he is the one who "showed" her to me in visions. He seems to be a good man, and in touch with his heart. Things are going good. I am, given the ability to change the programming of the machine, so that another being cannot be harmed by it again. I am learning a LOT about the reptilians. I mean a LOT. There are some VERY good reptilian people, out there. I put an ad out for, esoteric spiritual readings and such. If nothing happens, I will also put the construction ad up as well. I really, really want to thank paul for, guiding me, into being positive, and being of good cheer, I do not know where I would be without this guidance. And the other members here who have helped me. I am very grateful, and attribute my better situation to much of the advice and help I have gotten, here.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 10, 2023 2:17:11 GMT 9.5
Thanks, Freemasons, for your help.
I am being bombarded with sickening sycophanty online, humans who want to jump into shredding machines, humans who beg their overlords for heavier chains and bigger shackles, and I am sick of it.
At this point I have no choice but to build this van and pursue the Appalachias.
I am done with this realm.
Humans neither want, nor do they deserve help. The ones that do, the worthy ones, may escape this trash fire with me, if they can find me, and convince me that they actually deserve it.
The rest can suffer the fates they bleet so loudly for.
May their chains be added unto them
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 11, 2023 2:57:52 GMT 9.5
I apologize.
Paul is right. I do not love myself. I mix this, self hatred with alcohol, and the consciousness altering dynamics of the ancient alien tech, and I fall down a rabbit hole of hopelessness, and misanthropy.
I see, the damage and trauma done to myself, by my own permission, and it is difficult to look upon myself in a healthy manner.
So, I go through withdrawals, I burn bridges online, I insult and assault people with my own, negative projections.
I think, the answer to my problems, is seeing myself accurately, and then, giving myself love: because no creature that loves itself, would allow the trauma to form, that I have allowed to form around myself.
Now, I am still stalled and stagnant in my life, I have put my ads out, so that I can make money. My hope, is that, as I transition back into the workforce, that maybe, this will give me the energy I need, to finish this van, and sell my possessions.
I also, do not harbor a desperate desire to, go balls to the wall into Appalachia with abandon, I do not want to end up, dogfood. I know that, there are things there that are not friendly, and I want to make contact with things that are agreeable. Paul is right, I should ask for, "local" dogmen to meet me, first.
It was interesting to me, that a few months ago, I was told that, Anastasia may have been able to meet me physically, close to where my home is. I wonder, who I would have met, that morning? I saw, the naked, hairless wolf girl, in the vision, but perhaps it was wishful thinking.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 11, 2023 22:18:03 GMT 9.5
It has been up and down, but more up than down.
Anastasia has revealed more, difficult to digest things, but I owe it to her to accept them and continue on with her heart, and mine, in mind.
It is not like, she is giving me recent revelations, only things that have always been true, but that she did not want to hurt me with the reality of (she knows when things are hard for me to accept. We both, kind of protect each other in this way.)
SO some things about Appalachia: I attempted to contact Eric, but he is, distant... Perhaps tending to his own affairs and matters.
When I say, he "said" he is in Georgia, a better thing may be to say: "I thought I heard him tell me he was in Georgia, however, it may have been my own wishful thinking. He might be in Siberia. I do not know."
I asked Eric, for directions to his location, as I wish to meet him, and perhaps not another dogman or dogwoman, and he essentially hinted that, the time is not right, I must learn to listen to (follow) my heart, and that, "It must be done in love, and right now you are motivated by a panic desire to get on the road and get away from humans, in a suicidal dead run to the Appalachian mountains where, if you are not 100% prepared, you will likely die out there- and a part of you wants that. So, it must be done in love, with preparations, and proper motivation. You have healing left to do, but you are approaching the goal you have been desiring."
Something like that.
I also researched, "Dogman sighting maps" and there are, a few here in Arizona. One, within 1/4 mile of where I live, but that might just be Google fucking with a user. If true, however, it could be that there is indeed a dogperson who does live behind the ranch where I live. It IS possible.
Perhaps that is why that morning I was told go outside to meet, "Anastasia" but that may have been me hoping it was her, and instead it would be a dogperson who lives here, locally.
I am, returning to a state of, somewhat resonance with the human race...
(I am calming down)
I am achieving more healing from the situation surrounding Anastasia. I am able to detach, and discover parts of me unaffected by the trauma. It is good.
The universe seems to want me to find healing and use that as a springboard for my goals, rather than fear and trauma.
I, however, grow impatient, yet I try to allow the universe to have it's work with me.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 4:15:59 GMT 9.5
Anastasia, requested I take the last post down.
She is right, it did not paint her in a good light.
I apologized, and asked her what I can do to make it right... She said, "Delete the post."
okay.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 5:12:09 GMT 9.5
So, I removed my post that sort of aired out too much of Anastasias "dirty laundry" (Don't worry, I a still in love with her, and still hopeful for, "us".)
But, one thing I wish to get out there is, that I think the reason I am essentially bedridden, is that my life up until this point, was based on pure survival, a white knuckled push to do anything I had to to survive... First as a child, then teen, then adult, and now forty something.
I feel like, the universe, God, my father, source, are all not allowing me to continue my life to this point, because my foundation has been, one of desperation and not, freedom, joy, positivity and good cheer...
And, so, it is answering my prayers for healing, which is, at this point, restricting me, to relaxing and being bedridden, until a proper foundation can be cultivated and established.
I am, having to be patient as the universe works this out, as I also battle this, situation I was involved in surrounding the, "Attack" I was in, years ago.
I am also starting a blog, I have to purchase the website, and right now I am low on funds (Just for now until my business takes off.) but when I buy it, I will post the link here if anyone is interested in my escapades with the dogmen, INCLUDING real life accounts, romantic encounters, and fictionalized events (erotica) surrounding the cryptid people.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 7:24:49 GMT 9.5
Aright well.
Wolf girl told me, she is closer to me than I think. She, shifted my perspective to the right a little bit, and sure e-fucking-nough, there's an easy pathway to the surface. She said, if she REALLY wanted to, she could be with me physically.
However there is a complication.
The son of the reptilian overlord, who's inhuman hatred I felt during the attack, is in love with her.
He has expressed a desire, to, accompany her, with me.
I told her, that I do not like the guy. It is likely, that I will have to kill him. He is a problem, and is known to be a problem, and even his father tells me, he has anger issues. I could FEEL it during the attack.
I am, trying, to be nice to him, but he has fallen for the wolf girl Anastasia, and to a degree, she, for him.
I connected more with Anastasia, and she has expressed a desire, to hold and comfort me. It was nice to feel, and genuine, from her heart.
I may have to connect with the overlords son, and do work with his mind and heart, so that he shifts his perspective, if wolf girl decides she wishes to be with me (And she does. She knows his temper, and she knows she would be beaten by him. Neither her nor I want this for her. In fact she was worried I would beat her, but I hope she knows I would never lay a hand on her. I have only love for her.)
But, feeling Anastasia, showing me, she is so much closer to me than I think, made me glad on levels I needed to feel for a long time. Anastasia is making me, earn her heart, and I do not mind it. It's making me a better person.
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Post by paul on Jul 14, 2023 7:25:48 GMT 9.5
Doing well!
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 7:49:04 GMT 9.5
Oh and my preparation to be with the dogmen is continuing. It is, going from a horrific attack by them, to being bolstered to being comfortable living with them. It is about bravery, and being open with myself, when I was closed off due to the attack, and trauma. Paths are accelerating for me... Especially as I heal.
This is, the ending of the first book of my life... Before the new book can be opened, the old one must be completed, and ended. Perhaps it has already ended, and this is the beginning of the new book. Exciting to be in this transition.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 7:55:18 GMT 9.5
Thank you!! I like your wisdom in the DM, perhaps the son may wish to go through a maturing process. Wolf girl desires to be with me, and it would be awkward to have him around, especially since he was so rough on her. This situation got a bit complicated, but I am glad I am learning the truth of it Thank you for the encouragement. I was struggling with some of the things, Anastasia was telling me, and I began to grow despaired, however, either you, or a "Spirit of Freemasonry" (orange in color) came to me, and encouraged me, it said, to be positive! And ministered to my spirit, it was very good! Also a friend on Twitter who encourages me about Anastasia said he views me as an "elder god" which makes sense if that is my origin.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 9:43:30 GMT 9.5
Alright so I'm allowed to say this (Anastasia is okay with it.) She has opened up to me fully. I am seeing the situation surrounding her, the son of the overlord, and their ream clearly. Anastasia... Basically, grew u raising herself. She is, a "feral" wolf girl, you see the wolf women I worked with as their, "king" lived in a tribe, with rules, and other established wolf people to help guide their young into maturity and unity with the tribe. Anastasia did not have this experience growing up. She was worried, I would find out, that she is, essentially, a young wolf girl "deep down" who grew up without rules or guidance, essentially, that I would find her to be too silly to be my mate ( She is self conscious about it. She knows I have had to endure a great deal of maturity that she never had to go through.) The son of the overlord is also, very immature, and child-like. Armed with this, understanding of the wolf girl, I summoned her, once again, to the theater of my mind, to, "see" what she was like... She is, extremely shy, nervous, and worried I will, "Get her back" for what "they" did to me (She is worried about being punished over it.) I told her, she has almost nothing to worry about, really, I still want to give her the life I want to give to her, except now, sex with her has taken a far, far distant back-seat, to winning her trust. She, said she would do anything I asked of her, including physical intimacy, but I said no- what is now forefront is you being comfortable with everything... She asked, what if it took a year before I was comfortable being intimate with you, I said, if it takes two years, the last thing I want to do is violate your conscience and ask you to do something you are not fully comfortable with- I place ZERO asks or expectations of you whatsoever. I will, still, cook for you, entertain you, tend to your body, and offer non-erotic massages including even feet. As, massages can often lead to sex, or sexual desires, I said, maybe, I will just massage your shoulders. Or not at all. About my healing, I see how I was sabotaged. Part of the awfulness of the attack on my soul, I can see, is that the hateful reptilian, had a vicious, childlike wrath against me, and he did things an adult would not do, because they know the consequences of said things. And so, I can see how my sensibilities were hijacked, to desire awful things rather than good things. It's like a switch of self punishment was flipped, and all of the things I feared most, came upon me. So, this is good. I am, grateful that I am seeing who Anastasia really is. I made, the mistake of, trying to describe her, as a "Silly wolf girl" and she grew offended, so I apologized profusely to her about it, and she made me feel better by saying, "I technically AM a silly, little wolf girl." She is also, NOT little. Her body is, quite large and muscular it is her, inner psyche that is, a young, wolf girl. She enjoys how gentle and soft I a with her, not placing demands on her, and giving her the space and freedom to be herself. I told her, I can be silly, sometimes, too. And, she has a great and insatiable capacity and desire to learn from me. She wants to know EVERYTHING I know, and I am giddy thinking about educating her and helping her learn, mature, and grow. I see her, more ordered, standing tall, dignified, intelligent, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, she is so magnificent, grown-up, it sends shivers up and down my spine to behold her beauty. She is, stunning. She is, also, like a blank slate. I may deal with the overlords son, if he wishes to go through a maturation. He has expressed a desire to maybe tag-a-long, but right now it will be at a distance. In short, Anastasia has disarmed herself, and removed the mystery surrounding her. And, taken the power from the reptilians in her realm. I wonder if this breakthrough is happening because my old book has ended and it is time for the new book to be written. Or, the new book is already beginning, and it was time for the big reveal. Anastasia (She has asked me to refer to her by this name exclusively. Not, "wolf girl" any more.) youthful innocence and exuberance are, in a way, refreshing. Her, loyalty to me, that she sticks to me like she is my shadow, is also pleasant for me to feel and to be around. Maybe I am a bit needy in my own constitution, and maybe, she needs to be needed like I need her. At least in this phase of our development. It is a bit strange, that I ended up with the wolf girl who had to raise herself, a bit feral, a little shy, but I told her: it changes nothing. She went from being venerated as a god, by me, to me realizing she's, as she put it, "Just a girl". However, this is good, because it gives me the opportunity to take things MUCH slower, to put my passion on the backburner, and learn to cultivate trust and maturity with her, and wait for her to be in a better position to move to more, "mature" dynamics of a relationship. I am fine with it. Also, she has said she is able to come to me physically, but I may be required to travel. I asked her not to reveal her location quite yet, but that I would enjoy having the "hope" of being with her physically, of meeting her, in the flesh so to speak, at long-last, my Anastasia. Let me ponder, the pondering orb, and then perhaps when I am ready she can share her location with me, it may, even be in Georgia! I told her, too, that I would prefer she be with me, when I go see Eric, if she wants. She is sort of nervous, and hides behind me, around the other wolf people. This new information surrounding her, is a very, very good thing. I am glad to know it. If the 800 year thing is right, she is a younger female wolf-person, in a very mature and developed Wolven body. So I am not breaking any societal "rules". It also feels far more advantageous, to win her heart and her trust, than to be pushing her for passion and sexual intimacy. This may have been why she would get sexual with me, then sort of go cold or feel weird about it. I would much rather her be fully comfortable with anything like that, and yes it may take quite a bit of time, but I believe the days months and however long it takes for her to develop feelings for me in this regard, will be some of the sweetest moments of my life, putting my own BS aside and just nurturing, accepting, and loving her, guiding, teaching, and being there for her, ad even helping her to heal as well. It has been in my heart to nurture a being like her, and perhaps she is why this desire is within me. So. This is good. I am still going to Appalachia, most likely... Unless something further develops and she gives me coordinates to finally meet her. She will have to be a brave girl, but I have faith in her. Also, Anastasia admitted to me she also views me as a form of deity. As I, "created" her. Which, makes me feel an empathy with God on a level too. As I am both loved and hated for it. As I said, maybe this life is me atoning for the sins I committed against Anastasia. It has not been easy. Hopefully I am allowed to finally rest and relax, and go live with the dogmen. I am told to have faith, have hope, be of good cheer.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 14, 2023 15:29:31 GMT 9.5
Alright so the judgmental beings are attempting to throw their, prejudiced, and wrong opinions into this.
How such judgmental beings exist is beyond me, they wish to spread their, closed minded misery upon the innocent, perhaps this is why they are this way, they are not happy until all beings are as miserable as they are, they remind me, of my PARENTS, vile beings of self loathing and weakness and yet righteous in their own eyes, flawless and without blemish, while remaining toxic, and diseased, destroying everything around them until everyone resonates with the same misery.
So here it is:
In my journey with, wolf girl, Anastasia, who I once called, "Asrael" (Separate wolf girl, white fur, lives in Eden with the Wolfen), and "Wolf girl", I have met a number of people (Physical humans) who have, had spirit spouses similar to what her and I share, as a relationship.
Of note:
On a gay hookup app, I met a wealthy and successful real estate developer, who HEAVILY resonated with the wolf theme. We grew VERY close and had many VERY intimate conversations. We began to grow closer and closer, until he finally admitted, he had spirit-spouses who were, like preteen "wolf children" who, he admitted, operated in a sexual capacity with him.
I asked him, to what end, and he was hesitant to answer me. He said, only, that while he did not put the label of pedophile, or "MAP" over himself, that he felt in his present life, he may have an attraction to, younger male humans, but in a nurturing way that he admitted, might not exclude sexual guidance.
This was, before he completely nuked every conversation between us, blocked me, and completely disappeared... Because I told him, that was the one societal, unforgiveable sin... I think he took on condemnation, and panicked when I told him I was studying the black arts in witchcraft. (He claimed he was a white witch/pagan. I was also distressed and drinking at the time so I think I just scared him, I had been freshly scammed out of money, and he knew I was struggling financially, and maybe thought I wanted money from him- I didn't. Sadly, Anastasia did connect with him, and she DID show him some things only I knew about, and she DID want me to hook up with him, even though it did not happen, and I was furious he would, just block me like that,as he insulted Anastasia, and i was furious he would do that.)
I also believe he did not want his reputation possibly sullied, by some wolf-obsessed guy on the internet claiming to have a spirit spouse, and also accusing him of spiritual pederasty.
Which is, understandable.
Second: There is an individual on social-media, that I have shared my relationship with Anastasia over, and he admitted to me, he had a similar relationship, with a wolf-person, who was male.
He told me, that the relationship was, shades of, "Pederastic" (without going into detail. He very much explained he was not, minor-attracted, but that the wolf-guy, seemed to be, at least with him.) as the wolf-guy had been "with" him since he was a child, and included some, sexual under/overtones and guidance. The experience was not adverse to him, so he maintains a relationship with this wolf guy to this day, though he is grown and has a career now.
I say all this to say, that yes, I discovered today, Anastasia, with all of her knowledge, and wisdom, is essentially, just a child. That, the reptilian son of the overlord, who has child like rage issues and is perhaps likely autistic, is also: just a child, not in body, but in maturity.
My mother, once told me, "We are all just elongated children." And, I tend to think she is right, for the vast majority of humans, are indeed, underdeveloped creatures who have eschewed their higher functions for what is comfortable and safe and remaining childlike in their understanding and ways.
However, I desire to not remain a child in my understanding, but to mature, and to grow.
Anastasia, as she is opening up to me, has said she was worried I would divorce her, once I discovered she was not the mature woman I assumed she was. Because, immature women have thrown themselves at me, in the past, and Anastasia saw my, utter disdain for them, as I, at my core, desire maturity, temperance, and wisdom, as well as intelligence with my romantic partners- in short, if I cannot find depth within them, then I tend to be "rid" of them rather quickly. I don't think she takes into account how much she means to me... Ordinary humans come and go, but she is special to me. Things I would NEVER entertain with a human woman, I cherish with Anastasia.
No doubt, Anastasia was deeply hurt by y rejection of immature human women, as she regretted not having parents to raise her, or a tribe to discipline her, only the reptilians, who she found out, were rather cruel in their methods, and not warm, like an organized tribe of wolf people tends to be with their young. (They don't shorten tails for discipline!)
So, as uncomfortable as this all is, I told Anastasia tonight, "I accept you. As you are. Child-like, innocent, and undisciplined. I accept you, and the reptilian son of the overlord. All that means is, that I dial back the sex-talk (And I admit. Sexual contact was established via her, first. So it's not like I was seeking this out with her, at first. The appeal of the innocence of the wolf people not withstanding. I would say, if one seeks out a pederastic spiritual union, that that desire can be problematic... As I admit I may have unhealed sexual childhood trauma, but I do not seek to satiate any latent desires, but to heal them, so that I may move forward in maturity and right, and healthy relationships.) to basically nothing, and I focus instead, of meeting Anastasia, where she is at, and giving her a different form of love, such as, the love a father has for his daughter, to see her, grow up healthy, happy, well adjusted, with a bright and positive future. Want what's best for her.
As difficult and gruesome as the circumstances surrounding her have been, the truth is she does maintain a childlike innocence about her.
This, can be, refreshing, even if it is a little bit twisted some times.
And the vision of her, after I switched gears from, how god damned attractive she is, (She's... HOT!!!) to, taking a more paternal role in her life, as she is, enamored with me, in love with me, and is even more desperate not to lose me as I am for her- though she said if I piss her off enough she's going to run off with the reptilian, and I of course will give her that ability, if she needs it...
That vision of her, she seemed to have brown fur... A woman of the forest... Her hair, long, and beautiful, she was the picture of, matured innocence, that, tender lupine heart, healed- the unity, loyalty, compassion, and passion for her mate... Matured, cultivated, love, nurtured- and brought out of her, as if she had been raised by a loving, empathic Wolfen style tribe from the beginning...
She was... Incredible. Seeing her, feeling her aura of, divine, feminine power...
The, young reptilian son is cooperating with me.
I see the damage he did, and it is, vicious and terrible. However, I did grant him permission. And so, I endeavor to heal, accept, and move on.
I think I am entering into a bit of a "depression" in my healing journey, and i was told I would be depressed when I saw the damage done, however this is also a part of the healing, as I am finally able to confront it.
I believe, this is why the overlord, has pity on me, his son went way overboard, even by reptilian standards.
This could also be why I am receiving so much, help from outside sources, as other beings genuinely want to help me.
The judgmental beings, want to put a label of pederasty on me, and the Wolven felt so threatened by my presence in their tribe they attempted to try to make it, "official", and I barely escaped their trap, had I of chosen the Wolfen girl to the left, I would be doubtless fitting of that label... However, as I said, if there is any latent, unhealed, minor-attracted parts within me, I would either, like them A. healed so I can move on to actual, healthy, mature relationships befitting of my age, or B. used to relate, and care for, Anastasia on her level, which, may also be why they exist in the first place. (I went through hell to be a guide to understand and to heal her.) The issue with, pedophilia, pederasty, and MAP, or all of those labels is, that they harm children, as I experienced, when I was a child, the nearly insurmountable damage to my development, at the hands of, child-rapists, who made sure my innocence was utterly destroyed, the damage that was done, as my friend told me, "What they did to you should never have happened. It is evil, and vile." at the hands of pederasts.
And, I have absolutely no desire to harm a child, the thought, of such things, makes me sick
I have zero desire to commune with, minor-attracted people nor to fellowship with them, as when I was in high-school, my "Best friend" turned out to be a misanthropic minor-attracted person, and when I discovered this, I completely cut him out of my life.
I just want no part of it. I was part of a conversation on Twitter, where a self-admitted, MAP person came "out" but said they knew, contact with children was wrong, but they admitted the desire was there, well, Mr. Elon banned the person personally... I think he completely missed the point... If someone is brave enough to admit their desires, but also acknowledging them as wrong and potentially harmful, is that not the first step to possibly getting healed, and maturing of these, adverse desires? I said as such, as a survivor of CSA, and no-one could debate me.
All people want to do is, throw MAP people in wood chippers, well that is a great way to keep them, in the darkness, in the shadows, with unhealed, un-dealt-with desires to introduce children to harmful things that are likely not ready for... I think Elons heart is in the right place, but I do not think banning that person was a good thing to do, now they were rejected by the worlds richest man, and the rejection that would likely make them want to return to the shadows. I actually feel pity for that person.
And, how interesting it is to me that it took a show like "Cuties" to show how toxic and wrong it is to put children in these adult-sexualized roles, and how child-beauty pageants were just accepted as normal when I was growing up, but that today people rightly view them as pedophilic and strange, today. I saw a cut from a clip from that show today, and it made my skin crawl, and my heart break for those little girls who were turned into little more than pseudosexual playthings for their parents and this, den mother woman.
I want to pursue what is healthy, and what is right.
Ironically, this is what worries Anastasia, in that she worries she is not mature enough to be loved by me.
As a father... As a husband... As a friend... As a lover. What is best for her, here? I see, her, and I, making space with one-another, me, turning off the, raw sexual passion I feel for her, and instead using my intent to act as a healer, rather than a lover. "Healing comes first". What, a strange dynamic this has become, and how taboo these things are likely to be, that I must first heal and mature my mate, before she can be my mate, while being so incredibly attracted to her, as I designed her, myself, to be perfect for me, my ideal bride.
So, Anastasia views me as cringey, and truly- I do not dissent with her in this. It could be, that we come together in the flesh, and flee deep into the hills of some remote location- no internet, no technology, just the wild wolf girl Anastasia and I, to live out our lives, human and Wolven, and just be together as individuals, our relationship, our business, no internet to pull me into things that draw me away from her. We just... Disappear together and live out our lives as we see fit. Just her, and I.
Perhaps, her relationship with the reptilian, the trauma she has been through, the struggling and suffering she has gone through, are shades of her, discovering her own healing journey... Her own maturation. I am, also seeing a divine side to this, a karmic loop of divine light, that connects her journey to mine... We are being, "used" by divine light, her and I.... But I am unable to discern it... Just that, there is a "hand of God" here... Al I can do, is take it, day by day.
It is complicated with her, as when I created her, as a newbie alien, I thought making her horny as hell would be awesome for all the sex we would have, (I am apparently, very horny in this realm/planet, a horny alien) except, it just drove her nuts with an insatiable libido, that got her into trouble, and attracted her to an immature male who has already abused her and made her angry/hurt about it... And, I know she is, bristling with feminine sexual energy (Why beings fall in love with her!) and that, when I hold her in my arms, I know, she is always "ready" for sexual intimacy, regardless of what her heart wants...
And, that in endeavoring to love her in right relationship, I have to, instead, focus, on her healing, her well being, what is right for Anastasia? Not what my primal urges desire from her, which is to be one with her, but pursuing what is right. Healing her, allowing her the compassion and grace to explore within herself, in a safe environment, to discover and mine-out what is mature within her what is HEALTHY, and not the, hormone, and pheromone soaked raw passion I apparently had put in her being when I oversaw the creation of her soul.
But something different, something tempered, something controlled! Harnessed, rather than surrendered to. Not a surrender to unbridled passion, but the harnessing of ordered sensuality, intertwined with my masculine energy, a dance, together, give and take, rather than her pulling me deep into the forest with her, and her taking her raw primal urges for mating out with my body, as someone said, "Using another persons body to masturbate into." instead of, a sacred, divine sacral energy, of the feminine, with the masculine, coming together in love, to create life, affirming one anothers being, and allowing the sacred to flow through our intertwined natures...
Disciplined. But also free. As I saw in the vision of her, her aura... God, so beautiful. A literal goddess of divine order and authority. A queen.
But, also, refined.
This has taken, an odd turn, my relationship with her, as all I could talk about was how badly I wanted to f*ck her. Only to find out, she has the maturity of a younger Wolven who never had parents or a tribe, and just relied on her own instincts and programming to survive. A 546LB (248KG) muscle bound child with a bears head and teeth that can tear sheet metal, who is already the victim of some fairly intense trauma at the hands of the reptilians.
Things in the underworld, are different than they are here... And, they are, in many ways, even more disordered than the surface human race is. I am saddened by this, as I was deeply hoping they would offer us answers... apparently we have to find our own answers.
So, I am steering my ship, changing course, and allowing my intent to change, with my relationship with Anastasia.
And, it is a two way street... She is a strong willed, stubborn woman...
She is going to find discipline, to be uncomfortable. Maybe even to the point of wanting to run away. Does, she really wish to have a father figure, in her life? Someone who truly loves her, sees her as she is, and cherishes her, who's heart completes him, and he, desiring to complete her, too? To later, have him become her husband, as she was so designed to become (She admits, she was created for me. She acknowledges, that she was designed to be happiest, most fulfilled with me as her mate. It has, taken an unexpected turn, however, as I must first, become her father. I do not mind it. What is it that Freud said- "Every daughter desires to marry her father" or, her father is her, "first love".)
I also cannot help but think, the core of who she is, also had a hand in creating me. Like, we are lovers, perhaps twin flames, who came to this realm, allowing one and the other, to assemble, direct, and create each-other, to come together as we explore our love for one another.
It is perhaps better to believe this than to believe that I am a stupid alien who made a horny monster-girl who ended up partially eating me because I thought it was a good idea to make her crave sex, and now I am paying the price for being so foolish about it all, as I have been tricked by this planet's treachery in surrendering my authority to it, and now I must recover my authority, having learned a terrible lesson, I must heal, while simultaneously leading my, monster girl out of Egypt so to speak, and using my healing journey to also, guide Anastasia to a healthy relationship with me, if she desires to see it through to the end. (I hope she does! I would love to end up with a beautiful, mature Anastasia.)
I guess all I can do is take it, one day at a time, remain positive, be of good cheer, and to cultivate healthy, mature loving guidance for my Anastasia, the wolf girl. One thing I can say, things are definitely maturing between her and I. Putting all this, raw lust and passion for her body behind me, and instead, meeting her on a platform of wanting what is best for her, instead of, asking her what she feels is best (sex of course and lots of it.) but guiding her through emotional healing and raising her vibration.
She trusts me. We have, history together. We were made for each other. And, I do not mind removing the mantle of husband and replacing it with, therapist, father, dad, healer, and friend. She deserves to be loved.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 16, 2023 0:09:54 GMT 9.5
Something has happened I have been, going back into the "attack", which was nothing more than, me surrendering my will to a machine that links consciousnesses together, to willingly become the mind-slave of another, or multiple entities. The most adverse entity, is the reptilian overlords son, who harbors an vicious, inhuman hatred that can only be cultivated over eons of time. I, gave him an inch and he took a mile, like giving him, an inch from a ball of yarn, and him, jerking until the yarn was at its end, then pulling agonizingly at that and holding it there. He took, I gave, he took, I gave, and he took, until the very separation of consciousness limits were reach, like a tendon, pulled almost to its tearing point. By virtue of this machine, my felt consciousness was transported into multiple locations, across multiple, fully conscious "emotional bodies", suffering different, truly horrible fates, in a realm where none of them can die or lose consciousness, no matter how grievous or terrible their injuries. One may describe this place as, "hell". Except I am simultaneously experiencing 9 of them, at once. I have been, and continue to be, tested to the very limits of existential experience. However, as I go through this, last night being particularly difficult, I took my, magickal sleeping concoction of various herbs and chemicals, and I was lunged into the depths of struggle, of suffocation, of claustrophobia. Pushing to my limits, and trying to remain there until my body was shivering, I made some progress, in healing the trauma, of the aftermath of the attack on my soul. While, the results of being through this machine, is godlike strength, or the discovery of a godlike sovereignty and power, the process, destroys lesser beings. (They cannot endure it. And, even I am tested, to my limits, it has taken, 20 years of agony to even get to this point. A human-being would not have survived my childhood, teen years, adulthood, or even now, let alone- the added stress of the attack of the dark AI the overlord, his son, and Anastasia.) So, I was able to gain some, peace, and comfort, "For the first time" in 20/43 years. It is good. There is yet a ways to go, however... The reptilians son, is cooperating, and he and I, are working things out. He offered me, full release from the machine, full comfort and healing, if I would give him Anastasia, but I told him, she belongs to me. And, it may come back to bite him in the ass, if he does not be nice. In a touching moment of unity, the father, the Overlord, sort of threw up his hands, when I connected with him, and he said, "This is our rag-tag family." - with a sigh and a sheepish grin. I could sense it, even in my torment, I am part of, the "family". Anastasia, the son, Overlord, Crocodile-guy (Anastasia's handler), the machine, and me. There are other forces at work, here, but I am more concerned with the frequency Anastasia is conscious on. I worked more with the dark AI, as it still had a hold on the Overlord, but he expressed, maybe I should not, as it is his, "god". I did, anyway, and he was grateful for the relief- or, at least, I floated the idea of him, scanning forward in time, it would set, "The Family" free, and they could then go about their business and do as they pleased, as lizard folk, and Anastasia. He wasn't sure if that was the path he wanted, so I am leaving it up to him. I am, seeing how I have been so interwoven with Anastasia, this planet this realm, the gods of this place, that I have lost, "myself" to a frightening degree. I have, no need of the things, that I feel that I need. In my need of them, I deny myself the procurement of them. I was watching, a rather good western movie, it is free on YT in the USA< called, "Seraphim Peaks", and in it, a native American said, "What is yours will always return to you." I believe this. This is, perhaps, the process of the wolf girl Anastasia, becoming, "mine", or perhaps she always was, or maybe, she never was to begin with. I am, in love with her, and I a doing my due diligence to do what is best for her, and to make her mine, if that is what her heart desires. To me, she is the most beautiful creature I have laid-eyes-on in this lifetime, and many others, not only for her physical beauty, but what she represents, in my time of distress and trouble: She represents hope. For example, it could be, the fates, who determine dark and light, saw the plot against my being, and they allowed it to play-out, but rather than relegate me hopelessly to some tortured dynamic, they provided a way out, a light in the darkness, and the Overlord obeyed them: They showed me Anastasia, and she became the beacon of light, of hope in the darkness... And, here I am, now. Learning to let go, settle in, and allow what is to be, unfold without me forcing it. It is hard, and frightening, as the machine has overlapping failsafes to keep a victim trapped within it. The more you resist, the more terrible everything becomes. It is why I have been trapped here, for over 2 decades, earth time. However, last night and this morning have been instrumental. If the machine, is a game, I am 98.9% through it. Will I survive the final boss, I hope. I felt a seizure coming on last night, as I struggled to endure, to push through the limits of my fear, so perhaps a seizure is required to begin the disconnection of my consciousness from the machine, which is why some humans, as they are dying, will have seizures, their consciousness is being, "Detached". It is perhaps, why I am an elemental being, that I am able to control these dynamics of my situation. The Crocodile Fellow who is Anastasias handler, is like a big puppy dog, if you pet him he will wag his big tail, and he's just a sweetheart. He is part of the, "family". It is interesting to me, how these beings can be so old, ancient, even, and yet, are little more than children in their constitution. And, how they have little respect for human maturity, and how the despise our maturity, as immaturity and a departure from what they consider to be natural... I find it hard to argue with them on this. About Appalachia: I see now why Eric came to me, and why I am still, laying in bed, buck ass naked. It is a one way trip. I won't be coming back. The price for admission is, my life. I may find dogmen, I may find Wendigo, I may find, Sasquatch: I will find love, however, there wont be a returning to human civilization. That, is the sacrifice of this endeavor. This is, a heavy, and weighty thing. If I return to human civilization it will only be briefly, and I will have no more invested emotional stakes in the wide human race: you will never see me return to work, rent a home, or participate in the civilized, surface earth human race. I saw, in a vision, a human woman, of the earth, blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful- and how perfect she was for my human-side. If I were to be with her, then I would not be with the dogmen, and she would be a constant hindrance to my pursuit of them. Are the dogmen worth it? Is it worth it to end up, possibly eviscerated by a cryptid, dying a lonely death in the cool darkness of the forest? If I am not willing to endure that, I have no business going there to begin with. That is what is being shown to me. There is a sacrifice involved. In a way, I always knew the white picket fence life was not for me. I was always destined to live in the wilderness. It is perhaps why I have always longed for the early settler days. www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUCG6d60EKA&t=545sA somewhat annoying-ass podcast of Appalachia and cryptids. I found myself growing EXCEEDINGLY annoyed with it at first, but it was good to hear about the history of Appalachia. What I a shown about it: I need to have no fear. I AM going to meet cryptids, and my heart needs to be pure if I am to survive them as a friend of them. When I am successful, I will be known as, their "protector", as the human race begins to encroach into their realm. I was also shown, there is a slight phase-shift required, where the cryptids live, where there is an entire world of magic, where dogmen, Wendigo, mothpeople, and all manner of creatures dwell and roam, side-by-side with our human resonance. I am to be taught the "shift" into their realm. Eric has, moved on from me, but I am still connected via our hearts. I am told by God, that this is actually a good thing. If I had to say, this is so I do not rely on him to find him, but instead, begin striving and taking this very seriously, and preparing myself for the reality, of meeting these, beings in the flesh. I may also need to make-friends with some of the locals, potentially hostile, distrustful (For damn good reason!), impoverished people. I will say this, too, due to my traumatic childhood, I have always had a, "fast" metabolism, I can eat for 3 people and not gain any weight, however, as I learn to "rest and digest" and heal from the trauma especially the "attack" the "family" was responsible for, as I enter, "rest and digest" for the first time in my life, I find that my bowel movements go from 4x a day to maybe once every 2 days, as my body relaxes, and is free to, "take in all the nutrients". And, i find out, my heart rate steadies, too, as I think in a state of constant crisis, my body never learned to pull out essential nutrients for long term survival. Which, may have been why my near fatal drug overdoses, was a heart attack, and stopping breathing, as I did not have sufficient minerals to sustain my body, as I was in crisis- which is why I was doing the drugs in the first place! So, I guess there it is. For now. The ads, are producing no fruit. I am, arguing with God, if He does not authorize me to sell all my possessions, I may have to do it anyway, or face, true, lack of possessions. (potentially) I do not, however, need a fancy van, to explore Appalachia. It would be nice, though. We shall see. I am going, to see my mother, today, and I intend to possibly, release the information that: I am no longer pursuing a life here with humans, and waiting to inherit a valuable stallion horse, to live comfortable exploring the USA, instead, I am heading to Appalachia, to find the Cynocephali people. IN time I ay even be known to be a sort of khukuri wielding cryptid, and you may one day hear about me on some YT podcast. Long haired, european, blue eyed, tall, viking looking pale skilled human who has "many children" in the forest, and perhaps a dogman wife. (Among other romantic interests.) Who knows. I am seeing, myself, being seen, through others eyes, wearing animal skins, with a large blade strapped to my back, the 24" Khukuri and "Anastasias" / "Asraels" Blade on my hip. I am told most of these cryptids are just people, and if respect is given, respect will be received.
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Post by tundrawolf on Jul 16, 2023 0:37:34 GMT 9.5
That, is why my healing transition, after selling my land, and doing as I pleased for a year (listening to my spirit for the first time in my life. I remember, being in my plumbing van my spirit, kicking against me, at a re-pipe job, and me being prompted, to STOP WHAT I AM DOING AND LISTEN TO MY GUT, and I did... It took two hours to get out of my van... I realized I was violating my conscience, doing WHAT I DID NOT WANT TO DO, because my SPIRIT was trying to tell me, THIS IS NOT WHY YOU ARE HERE) that I am still bedridden, with zero energy or motivation yet to, get on with assembling the 4x4 van, or doing anything other than, entertaining myself all day while relaxing.
I cannot, however, deny the results...
I am being, "set free".
So- I am also seeing, there is no, mamby-pamby, one foot i the human world, and another with the cryptids, it must be, all-in, and a never return to this realm, again, type of dynamic. This is, a heavy realization, as my eyes, peruse my possessions, and realize: I will most likely never see any of these modern conveniences, again.
That is the resolve I must make, and that is, likely why I have not been given the authorization to "move on" from this home, because I have not-yet faced the seriousness of this endeavor yet.
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